So this evening I was hella bored and I saw a link on my Yahoo email account about an article from Cosmo (The end all be all of bullshit that women live by that makes no sense and has no bearing on reality ever. Wait, that would be Oprah) about “7 Bad Girl Bedroom Moves You Must Master.”
O_o
Okay, first off I am a dude. I could care less about this kind of stuff but it is showing up on the side of my email a lot so I am figuring I am totally gay or everyone thinks I am which makes me TOTALLY FUCKING GAY. Being the inquisitive chap I am (Using new vernacular. Working for you? Nothing?) I decided to click on the link and boy…it just got worse from there. Here are some “highlights” of this pinnacle of female sexual journalism:
Dare To….Create An Alter Ego
Okay, I could see how this could be hot….if you are a fucking super-villain. You are a woman which makes you not ABLE to be a super-villain because super-villany is awesome and you are NO Dr. Girlfriend. Or Miss Monarch, it all depends. Now as one who has been avoiding and been avoided by “teh sex” for several years now I really don’t get any of this bullshit about role playing unless it involves school girl and senpai. Or anything and senpai because I just want to be called that because that shit is HOT. If you need to create an alter ego to be a whore then you are faking the funk. Real whores are whore twenty-four seven and we appreciate them for it!
Dare To….Pump Up The Dirty Dialoge
Okay, this is one that I get but I don’t LIKE. It is kind of like Guy Ritchie movies. The concept of talking dirty SOUNDS like a good idea but if you are talking…then I am obviously putting work in the wrong hole if you get my drift. If women have nothing of value to say when sex ISN’T being had, what makes them think I care about what they have to say in the act of coitus? EPIC-ZING! I kid, I kid. In all seriousness, talking dirty does nothing because the more you talk, the less you are sucking. Which I hear dudes enjoy over hearing about anything you have to say. Ever. Not that I would know, the female gender is a being that is foreign, godless and scary to me. Like Turks with boobies.
Dare To…..Put On The Porn
Fuck you, bitch. Unless you are going to DO the horrible, horrible things that Sasha Grey, Belladonna and Ashley Blue do for my uni-lateral carnal gratification then I have no need to watch porn with you. It isn’t like we are watching “27 Dresses” here. The kind of porn I want to watch isn’t going to be what SHE wants to watch and as we all know, the numbers of women that know about good porn (That aren’t actually performing in them and may god bless them because they do just as much for our freedom as anyone else in this country) run in about the 15% range IF THAT. You see, also there is something to be said for the fact that women don’t really know what men find sexually attractive. Sexually AROUSING is simple because men get hard-ons at the sight of just about anything resembling boobs or the random touch in a bar or subway. There is a reason why fashion designers, porn directors and music video casting agents are all male: they know what men want. Men don’t want to see women kissing each other (Well….smart men don’t) because that is a waste of time. Men want to see chicks kissing THEM. So what women assume men like ends up being de facto true because most men are simple and are aroused by pretty much anything. The last thing I need is to be stuck watching porn with a girlfriend and she gets all freaked out because she finds “Behind The Green Door” arousing cinematic erotica while I want to watch “Big Wet Asses 11”:
Julia Bond, Cody Lane AND Sativa Rose? Now that is porn at its FINEST! Yet I know for a FACT that women freak out about that kind of porn because I have seen it firsthand. Buy me a drink and I will tell you the story; funny shit especially because she was Mormon. Anyway, I don’t believe in this but if there IS a lady that is down to watch “Ass Worship 9” or “Invasian 2” holla at yo boy. I gots them both on the A-V-I.
Article #2: Do Guys Find You Intriguing?
Well, let’s look at this honestly. All men find all women intriguing. Just for different reasons. Men and their interest in women break down like this:
75% of men find what is in between your legs intriguing, and it could be anyone….not just you.
10% of men PRETEND to find you intriguing because they want what is between your legs but don’t want to be an uber-tool about it.
10% of men are gay and couldn’t give a fuck about you. Gay dudes rule, the Romans knew it, the Greeks knew it, Tom Cruise knows it and now you do. They are festive!
5% of men are dumbfounded by your stupidity and disgusted by your lack of common sense and self respect….but you are the only viable option aside from other dudes (The world frowns on collie/man relationships)
The numbers could be off….but they are not. The Chachi has spoken!
Article #3: How To Tell If A Guy Is Cheating
So I remember once that Zach was telling me about a conversation he had in class (Odds are women’s studies) and a student said that females cheating in a relationship is justified because the odds are that a man will do it anyway. It was mind-blowing because two years earlier I heard that SAME FUCKING ARGUMENT in college and I wondered if women were really that lacking in common sense? Well, the past years have proven that answer to be yes because I have had to deal with no less than five female friends deciding that cheating was a viable option for THEM because they were hurt or unfulfilled or just plain whores (I believe all three but I am just a man…A man of awesomeness!) but if her significant other did it to them then he was the biggest cad since John Edwards. Now basic logic should state that if you feel the need to cheat then you shouldn’t be exclusively with someone in the first fucking place. End of story. If you can’t trust your partner and have to look for signs of their infidelity then the same goes for you, fucky. As I read this article, everything seemed like such a reach that it was like women intentionally look for signs that their boyfriend is cheating so they can justify cheating themselves. I mean honestly:
Grooming: Um…..I try to stay as manicured and fresh dressed as possible. As a big dude it isn’t easy but I make do with what I got. Now as for the trimming of the pubes….who the fuck doesn’t? No one wants to look like they have New Zealand in their fucking pants. Maybe women should follow that rule too….just a thought.
Super-protective of their Gadgets: Understand this right now. I don’t mind people on my computer and I didn’t mind my ex on my computer until everything became a signal for me being the uber-cheat. A paper with my and a females name on it? I’m fucking her. A song that doesn’t fit with the rest of them? I’m fucking her. A name on my ICQ (Old school!) that looked female? I am SO fucking her. It got fucking annoying. Don’t even get me started on my cell phone. Just because YOUR name is Sarah and I have four Sarah’s in my phone doesn’t mean I am fucking them. It means I know more people than just you. Being secretive with your stuff sometimes is just flat out easier than dealing with the nonsense that comes with unmitigated jealousy from the other party. Oh, and never have her friends number in your cell phone because that shit just ends up bad, even if you did know her first. Just don’t or learn to deliver a pride-obliterating bitch slap to shut her up.
Nothing Fazes Him Anymore: Okay….someone read this and tell me if this makes sense?
“If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”
So let me get this straight, if your boyfriend is happy….he must be cheating on you? That makes….perfect fucking sense IF YOU ARE A GOD DAMNED FUCKTARD! Understand, about 75% of men are simple creatures. A man will be happy because Adrian Peterson got him 22 points in his Fantasy Football League. So to automatically assume that because your man is whistling “Moving Right Along”:
Makes you a dumbass. When I read that statement, this is what it translated into:
“How DARE you be happy and it not have to do with me?! Nigga, who is you fuckin?!”
That sums it up; women believe a man’s happiness is based off of her and her happiness is based on him being happy to be with her. That was fucking deep, son!
He Becomes Suspicious of You: Double edged sword. As a man I have been on both sides. When I WASN’T suspicious she was pissed because she thought I didn’t care and I had found someone else because she said she wanted to be with her friends more and I didn’t fight it (You are an adult, act like one). Then I was smothering because of previous events (Drink = story. You know my fee) I was very concerned about where she was going and who she was going with and she thought I was being paranoid and didn’t trust her. Well, I DIDN’T trust her and she gave me good reason but that is beyond the point. The point is that suspicion is normal because at the end of the day we all loved Magnum PI and Miami Vice (To a lesser extent, Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?) and want to find out a crime or in this case infidelity. However, to say that because he is suspicious of you means he is cheating is grounded in irrational thinking. Which is pretty much where women stick their flag like Europe did to the majority of the Western fucking Hemisphere but thems the breaks. I understand the concept but in the end the logic is flawed because to think that means that you are either a) looking for an excuse to think he is cheating or b) you are guilty yourself. The Chachi has spoken!
Man that was rather hilarious. Like I always say, Cosmo is to me what Fox News and MSNBS are to a near-center Liberal: constant comedy and a source of never-ending confusion and disappointment in your fellow human being. I will be back on Friday for the Countdown and may be back up this weekend before the Venture Brothers season finale. Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I Used To Think It Was Funny...Until It Happend To Me.
What is up, ya'll? I am back once again (I spoil you all. I really do) with a new post and more shit that pisses me off. And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!
Things I Hate Right Now
1. The Duck Face/Trout Pout
Not sure WHY women do it, not sure WHY bros do it, not sure when this and the “rawk” symbol (Or “the shocker” which is no longer shocking after watching Japanese and German porn. Trust me; they do shit that makes the shocker seem like a firm handshake) or gang signs became popular to put on your MySpace or cell phone but stop it. You look like a fucktard and really make me happy that you get the shit kicked out of you by a musclebound asstard with a barbed wire tattoo and the brain capacity of a drunken marmot. I am not sure what makes women go from zero to trollop whore when a camera comes on but you cannot bitch about being treated poorly if you can’t do the simple action of smiling for a camera without looking like a drunken fuckwit. Seriously, stop that shit. Speaking of stupid shit…
2. People That Don’t Find Pedo Bear Funny
Seriously, look at that face! Does that cuddly bear look like a child molester to you? You are fucking right he does. I told you 10 years ago bears aren’t to be trusted and now look. They are kidnapping your daughters and having dirty bears sex with them. Pedo bear is ravishing your young daughter like Rob Lowe would do if you left her window open. Now some of you will say that I wouldn’t find Pedo Bear funny if I had a daughter but I don’t so he is fucking hilarious. They also said I would find “thirtysomething” funny once I got almost thirty but here we are and I am sure that show still sucks ass. Pedo Bear for President in 2008!
3. Date Rape
Maybe it is because I don’t go out on dates very often (Like….three in 2008 but I swore off women at the beginning of this year so that is all based off women asking me which I don’t like because it shows they haven’t taken the time out to look and see I am FUCKING INSANE and should run as far as humanly possible) or maybe that sex is the fifth most important thing I think about from a woman but I honestly have never understood date rape because I can tell a rapist from a mile away. You see this guy?
Rapist. Look at that forehead. Just SCREAMS he wants to take your virtue.
This guy?
Not a rapist. Quite the handsome fellow dare I say. And quite the dancer!
Simple. Now I am not trying to trivialize the act of date rape. I AM trivializing the act of date rape because if you are on a first date with someone and you get drunk enough to get into a situation where you are on your back (I don’t think it’s rape if you are on top. That’s….just not) with your legs akimbo then shit was going wrong well before that. Now maybe I am looking at this from the standpoint of a man and woman going out together, taking her back to her place (Because raping a woman in your home is just the dumbest shit I ever heard of. I mean….what the fuck?!) and then pinning her down and taking the pussy like Pepe but that just seems illogical. If you let him into your room….what the fuck?! Listen, rapists are like vampires. You have to INVITE THEM IN before they can attack you! Once they come in and attack you, it is well within your right to stab them in the heart with a stake. It’s in the Constitution AND the Bible so you know that shit is true. I honestly believe that once you are dumb enough to let a man into your room (Forcing himself in is breaking and entering and against the law. Congrats, the dipshit is going to jail and he should) it is like letting a lion into your room….and you bathed in zebra. I am not going to go into the Zebra Theory because you know it and if you don’t you should read up on it because it helps you avoid a lot of shit. Now “date rape” has been used to group in the act which I call “Casual Acquaintance Rape” which from my experience of talking to women about the subject is about 65%-70% (Not scientific numbers, just my observation) of rapes classified as “date rapes” which are pretty much like this:
Um…that’s not date rape. That is men and women being fucking retards. I always say that two drunk people fucking isn’t rape, it is TWO DRUNK PEOPLE FUCKING! Congratulations, you are a whore and he is a fucktard. You know, two drunken people fucking are like two drunk drivers getting into an accident. Who is to blame if both are drunk?
• The person with the lower BAC?
• The person on the right side of the road?
• The Asian because we know that they can’t drive? (I KID! I love Initial D!)
Neither. They are both at fault, they pay the damages for the cars and they lose their fucking licenses. I think it should be the same for two drunken people having sex. You chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You cannot decide after the fact that you DIDN’T want to have sex if NEITHER ONE OF YOU were in your right minds to be having “teh sex” anyway. Guess what? You learned a valuable life lesson: don’t drink like a dumbass or you might get pwned. I have drank my fair share and blacked out a time or two (Maybe three, but I believe it is two) and I blame no one but myself. And whoever invented mojitos because them shits en masse can GET YOU DRUNK. Even still, I cannot say that the things I did or said drunk weren’t in line with my actions in the same situation sober. But I will say that I learned to never do that shit again, though.
At the end of the day, rape is rape. My stance or argument has never been that rape ISN’T rape because even if you are out a 2am in a nice car with your windows down with your hypeman on your roof “making it rain” with stack of $20’s while you blare out “Money Ain’t A Thang” by Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri and you get jacked….no matter how much of a fucktard you were and you brought that shit into your zone….it is still robbery and it is still a tragedy. Not the ending of “Grave Of The Fireflies” tragedy but still.
Well, I am out for now. America’s Best Dance Crew Finale on Thursday!! Until then, the party continues peeps!
Kicking it old school, mofos!
Chachi Out!
Things I Hate Right Now
1. The Duck Face/Trout Pout
Not sure WHY women do it, not sure WHY bros do it, not sure when this and the “rawk” symbol (Or “the shocker” which is no longer shocking after watching Japanese and German porn. Trust me; they do shit that makes the shocker seem like a firm handshake) or gang signs became popular to put on your MySpace or cell phone but stop it. You look like a fucktard and really make me happy that you get the shit kicked out of you by a musclebound asstard with a barbed wire tattoo and the brain capacity of a drunken marmot. I am not sure what makes women go from zero to trollop whore when a camera comes on but you cannot bitch about being treated poorly if you can’t do the simple action of smiling for a camera without looking like a drunken fuckwit. Seriously, stop that shit. Speaking of stupid shit…
2. People That Don’t Find Pedo Bear Funny
Seriously, look at that face! Does that cuddly bear look like a child molester to you? You are fucking right he does. I told you 10 years ago bears aren’t to be trusted and now look. They are kidnapping your daughters and having dirty bears sex with them. Pedo bear is ravishing your young daughter like Rob Lowe would do if you left her window open. Now some of you will say that I wouldn’t find Pedo Bear funny if I had a daughter but I don’t so he is fucking hilarious. They also said I would find “thirtysomething” funny once I got almost thirty but here we are and I am sure that show still sucks ass. Pedo Bear for President in 2008!
3. Date Rape
Maybe it is because I don’t go out on dates very often (Like….three in 2008 but I swore off women at the beginning of this year so that is all based off women asking me which I don’t like because it shows they haven’t taken the time out to look and see I am FUCKING INSANE and should run as far as humanly possible) or maybe that sex is the fifth most important thing I think about from a woman but I honestly have never understood date rape because I can tell a rapist from a mile away. You see this guy?
Rapist. Look at that forehead. Just SCREAMS he wants to take your virtue.
This guy?
Not a rapist. Quite the handsome fellow dare I say. And quite the dancer!
Simple. Now I am not trying to trivialize the act of date rape. I AM trivializing the act of date rape because if you are on a first date with someone and you get drunk enough to get into a situation where you are on your back (I don’t think it’s rape if you are on top. That’s….just not) with your legs akimbo then shit was going wrong well before that. Now maybe I am looking at this from the standpoint of a man and woman going out together, taking her back to her place (Because raping a woman in your home is just the dumbest shit I ever heard of. I mean….what the fuck?!) and then pinning her down and taking the pussy like Pepe but that just seems illogical. If you let him into your room….what the fuck?! Listen, rapists are like vampires. You have to INVITE THEM IN before they can attack you! Once they come in and attack you, it is well within your right to stab them in the heart with a stake. It’s in the Constitution AND the Bible so you know that shit is true. I honestly believe that once you are dumb enough to let a man into your room (Forcing himself in is breaking and entering and against the law. Congrats, the dipshit is going to jail and he should) it is like letting a lion into your room….and you bathed in zebra. I am not going to go into the Zebra Theory because you know it and if you don’t you should read up on it because it helps you avoid a lot of shit. Now “date rape” has been used to group in the act which I call “Casual Acquaintance Rape” which from my experience of talking to women about the subject is about 65%-70% (Not scientific numbers, just my observation) of rapes classified as “date rapes” which are pretty much like this:
Um…that’s not date rape. That is men and women being fucking retards. I always say that two drunk people fucking isn’t rape, it is TWO DRUNK PEOPLE FUCKING! Congratulations, you are a whore and he is a fucktard. You know, two drunken people fucking are like two drunk drivers getting into an accident. Who is to blame if both are drunk?
• The person with the lower BAC?
• The person on the right side of the road?
• The Asian because we know that they can’t drive? (I KID! I love Initial D!)
Neither. They are both at fault, they pay the damages for the cars and they lose their fucking licenses. I think it should be the same for two drunken people having sex. You chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You cannot decide after the fact that you DIDN’T want to have sex if NEITHER ONE OF YOU were in your right minds to be having “teh sex” anyway. Guess what? You learned a valuable life lesson: don’t drink like a dumbass or you might get pwned. I have drank my fair share and blacked out a time or two (Maybe three, but I believe it is two) and I blame no one but myself. And whoever invented mojitos because them shits en masse can GET YOU DRUNK. Even still, I cannot say that the things I did or said drunk weren’t in line with my actions in the same situation sober. But I will say that I learned to never do that shit again, though.
At the end of the day, rape is rape. My stance or argument has never been that rape ISN’T rape because even if you are out a 2am in a nice car with your windows down with your hypeman on your roof “making it rain” with stack of $20’s while you blare out “Money Ain’t A Thang” by Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri and you get jacked….no matter how much of a fucktard you were and you brought that shit into your zone….it is still robbery and it is still a tragedy. Not the ending of “Grave Of The Fireflies” tragedy but still.
Well, I am out for now. America’s Best Dance Crew Finale on Thursday!! Until then, the party continues peeps!
Kicking it old school, mofos!
Chachi Out!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Every Time A Baby Smiles, I Die A Little Bit Inside.
What is up people? It has been a while since I have been on the scene and I have to apologize for that. Last week was hectic as all fuck but it is over now and hopefully as will me being pissed off 24/7. With that being said, I will try to be up more often. I know I have fans (All…six of you. But you are all awesome!) and I have not been meeting your demands. So because of that…
I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY
Yeah, I am going to bring that back. I actually learned a lot of something’s today and last week.
1. America Is Fucking Stupid: So for the last two Thursday’s I have been hanging out with Young Copper and Gary watching “The Dresden Files” and drinking soju and beer. First off: FUCKING AWESOME. Second off, why in the hell was The Dresden Files cancelled but that Charlie Sheen show is still on the air? It seems like the more awesome the show (Clone High, Undergrads, Pushing Daisies, In Case Of Emergency, MOTHER FUCKING SCRUBS!) the less people watch it. It isn’t shocking as much as it is a statement on how fucking worthless most of you are. I am saying it right now: if you watch any TV show on MTV that ISN’T “America’s Best Dance Crew” then you should be shot in the face. Seriously, you are worthy of death because if you reproduce you will be flooding the world with worthless shits that you call kids but I call “dumbers of the gene pool” and that is one thing America doesn’t need: more fucking idiots. I blame you for there being no new episodes of The Dresden Files, America. I also blame you for every Nelly album. I hate all of you and I am going to Canada. At least they still have Bryan Adams:
Man, that song is SO GAY but it is still better than anything Celine Dion ever did. I so went there.
2. True Friends Are A Dying Breed: Now I for one have been the only person on the face of the planet that felt that I should treat all my friends the same whether male or female. That has left me with a slim number of female friends because I don’t think that it is a privilege to be able to hang around them (Honestly, on this one. If I had more than three female friends that offered more than the whole “I’m a chick and you get to hang out with me!” side of a friendship, I would talk to them a lot more. Think about that one. Get a personality then we can hang) and an even SLIMMER number of male friends because I don’t like “teh sports” or “teh titties” all that much and would rather watch “In Bruges” than talk about bitches. I can hang out with Copper or Zach or Joey or Griff without any incident…aside from me just being an asshole but they are too and that’s why we are boys. Now I would figure that I could treat my female friends the exact same way but minus two (And you know who you are. You rock) they get very pissy when I say the things I would say around my best friends. Now first off, if you don’t know that I say things that are offensive you are a fucking idiot because I put my opinions out front from jump street. Secondly, quit being such a fucking cunt about things that are funny and stop acting like you are too good to be at the level of everyone else. I treat my friends all the same except for Griff due to tenure. I mean if you are my friend for 15+ years, you have earned my respect and I will accept that there are some topics that I will shy away from. Understand this: just because you are a woman doesn’t mean I give a fuck what you think. As a matter of fact, if you are a woman and not one that I respect then I couldn’t give a fuck what you think and whatever you say is just jibber-jabber. It is the same with men I don’t respect but from my experience men don’t decide that they should be treated differently because they think that the dynamic has changed. If you are a friend, you are a friend whether you are a dude or a chick. The next person that tells me that men and women can’t be friends is getting shot. If you can’t check your libido or your preconceived notions/dumbass attitudes about how a male/female dynamic should be long enough to see the opposite sex as more than a gullyhole or a filler of said gullyhole then you are a fuckwit. Besides, how can we be lovers if we cant be friends?
Simple, NEVER LISTEN TO MICHAEL BOLTON. Creepy-ass old dude.
3. White People, Just Say No To Nigger: It is that fucking simple. Unless you are quoting a rap song or are just a dipshit, there shouldn’t be a reason for the word to be in your fucking vocabulary anyway. I don’t care if Black people say it all the time and I don’t care if your Black friend said it was cool. Fuck that fucker. As racist as I am, I think I have said “heeb” maybe twice in my lifetime. TWICE. Now I say “covetous Jew” as often as I say “skullfuck” (Which has been a lot in 2008 for some reason) but “heeb” is a racial epitaph just as much as “nigger” is so I rarely if ever say it. Whyh? BECAUSE THERE IS NO REASON TO SAY IT! I don’t find it necessary to call my Jewish friends “My heebs” or my Mexican friends “My spics” or my Italian friends “My stupid, swarthy Wop degos.” There is no need to. So there is an easy way to understand the Black people saying nigger phenomenon: they are stupid. Just let it the fuck go. Yes you can say it but you shouldn’t have a fucking reason to. Crazy ass crackers.
Well, that is all for now. It is like totally bed time. I will be back on Tuesday (Maybe Wednesday). Until then, stay up my heeb-bros.
Chachi Out.
I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY
Yeah, I am going to bring that back. I actually learned a lot of something’s today and last week.
1. America Is Fucking Stupid: So for the last two Thursday’s I have been hanging out with Young Copper and Gary watching “The Dresden Files” and drinking soju and beer. First off: FUCKING AWESOME. Second off, why in the hell was The Dresden Files cancelled but that Charlie Sheen show is still on the air? It seems like the more awesome the show (Clone High, Undergrads, Pushing Daisies, In Case Of Emergency, MOTHER FUCKING SCRUBS!) the less people watch it. It isn’t shocking as much as it is a statement on how fucking worthless most of you are. I am saying it right now: if you watch any TV show on MTV that ISN’T “America’s Best Dance Crew” then you should be shot in the face. Seriously, you are worthy of death because if you reproduce you will be flooding the world with worthless shits that you call kids but I call “dumbers of the gene pool” and that is one thing America doesn’t need: more fucking idiots. I blame you for there being no new episodes of The Dresden Files, America. I also blame you for every Nelly album. I hate all of you and I am going to Canada. At least they still have Bryan Adams:
Man, that song is SO GAY but it is still better than anything Celine Dion ever did. I so went there.
2. True Friends Are A Dying Breed: Now I for one have been the only person on the face of the planet that felt that I should treat all my friends the same whether male or female. That has left me with a slim number of female friends because I don’t think that it is a privilege to be able to hang around them (Honestly, on this one. If I had more than three female friends that offered more than the whole “I’m a chick and you get to hang out with me!” side of a friendship, I would talk to them a lot more. Think about that one. Get a personality then we can hang) and an even SLIMMER number of male friends because I don’t like “teh sports” or “teh titties” all that much and would rather watch “In Bruges” than talk about bitches. I can hang out with Copper or Zach or Joey or Griff without any incident…aside from me just being an asshole but they are too and that’s why we are boys. Now I would figure that I could treat my female friends the exact same way but minus two (And you know who you are. You rock) they get very pissy when I say the things I would say around my best friends. Now first off, if you don’t know that I say things that are offensive you are a fucking idiot because I put my opinions out front from jump street. Secondly, quit being such a fucking cunt about things that are funny and stop acting like you are too good to be at the level of everyone else. I treat my friends all the same except for Griff due to tenure. I mean if you are my friend for 15+ years, you have earned my respect and I will accept that there are some topics that I will shy away from. Understand this: just because you are a woman doesn’t mean I give a fuck what you think. As a matter of fact, if you are a woman and not one that I respect then I couldn’t give a fuck what you think and whatever you say is just jibber-jabber. It is the same with men I don’t respect but from my experience men don’t decide that they should be treated differently because they think that the dynamic has changed. If you are a friend, you are a friend whether you are a dude or a chick. The next person that tells me that men and women can’t be friends is getting shot. If you can’t check your libido or your preconceived notions/dumbass attitudes about how a male/female dynamic should be long enough to see the opposite sex as more than a gullyhole or a filler of said gullyhole then you are a fuckwit. Besides, how can we be lovers if we cant be friends?
Simple, NEVER LISTEN TO MICHAEL BOLTON. Creepy-ass old dude.
3. White People, Just Say No To Nigger: It is that fucking simple. Unless you are quoting a rap song or are just a dipshit, there shouldn’t be a reason for the word to be in your fucking vocabulary anyway. I don’t care if Black people say it all the time and I don’t care if your Black friend said it was cool. Fuck that fucker. As racist as I am, I think I have said “heeb” maybe twice in my lifetime. TWICE. Now I say “covetous Jew” as often as I say “skullfuck” (Which has been a lot in 2008 for some reason) but “heeb” is a racial epitaph just as much as “nigger” is so I rarely if ever say it. Whyh? BECAUSE THERE IS NO REASON TO SAY IT! I don’t find it necessary to call my Jewish friends “My heebs” or my Mexican friends “My spics” or my Italian friends “My stupid, swarthy Wop degos.” There is no need to. So there is an easy way to understand the Black people saying nigger phenomenon: they are stupid. Just let it the fuck go. Yes you can say it but you shouldn’t have a fucking reason to. Crazy ass crackers.
Well, that is all for now. It is like totally bed time. I will be back on Tuesday (Maybe Wednesday). Until then, stay up my heeb-bros.
Chachi Out.
Friday, August 15, 2008
It Is Crowded At The Top...
What is up people?! IT IS OFFICIALLY FALL! Get out your bomber jackets and lets talk a walk! Before that, let’s check out the Friday staple….
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get this party started!
20. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #17, Three Weeks at #1)
It looks like YA-KYIM is having their death knell. After over FOUR MONTHS on the Countdown this trio looks to finally fall off the chart. Very good year and looking for something new for them.
19. CHEMISTRY – Life Goes On (New Entry)
IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! CHEMISTRY has their first ever video on the Countdown after like…a millennia of kick ass music! Listen to some Gundam endings and you will recognize their greatness. This video just exudes the awesomeness of the 80’s and all I have to say is hells yeah!
18. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #15)
On the flipside, Chris Brown looks to be spending his final days on the Countdown as well. It was a pretty good summer for him but with fall around the corner it looks like his dominance has come to an end. Also….DOUBLEMINT GUM COMMERCIAL?! FUCK THAT!
17. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #20)
Just got the single a few seconds ago and all I have to say is that there is a reason these guys RAWK YOUR FACE. Love this video, and got the karaoke of it too so I am learning them words!
16. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #14)
Looks like Seamo’s upward mobility has stalled as he falls back two spots this week. Pretty good year and a great turnaround from my distain of him previously.
15. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (Last Week #16)
Totally going to their concert in November. Anyone else down?
14. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #12)
Looks like the Summer of Usher is officially over. Gotta admit, you loved “Love In This Club” as much as everyone else. You know you did.
13. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
So is CRS the group of the year? Together they have dominated and individually they have owned and this video is no different. Although I have been rocking this for about two months, it still never gets old.
12. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #10, Two Weeks at #1)
For the first time since May, Paramore is not in the Top 10! Been a big year for them and even though I missed them when they were up in Denver I am not upset. A little sad, but not upset.
11. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #13)
Yeah, I am just as shocked as you are. But look here as Fonzworth Bentley is one step away from the Top 10. Who fricking knew? Still upset I rarely see this video on TV though because it is one of the few that doesn’t piss me off.
10. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
We begin the upper half with the first number one video for Game. “My Life” with Lil’ Wayne should be out any minute now because….they have a behind the scenes video out. THE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO IS LONGER THAN THE SONG?! God….no sense whatsoever.
9. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #11)
Jeezy moves into the Top 10 for the second time in 2008! Kanya tags along on what may be the biggest hip hop track of the year so far. Yes….Jezzy has the hottest song of the year so far. I think my brain just collapsed on itself.
8. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
After finally taking the top spot, HAMC fall four big spots this week. Can they follow up the success of this video in the fall? We will have to see, because this was awesome.
7. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #9)
Say hello to my new ringback tone! Yes, my ringback is in Spanish, my ringtone is in Swedish (Or some Nordic country) and my favorite song is in Korean. Yeah, I’m a pretty fucked up cat.
6. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #7)
Miss Hyori is moving on up! Can I just say that she REALLY needs to eat something? Now it is getting hella scary as my baby boo is unhealthily skinny. And I don’t believe in that. Also, that dance segment in the middle isn’t as annoying as it used to be. And it was ANNOYING.
5. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #6)
Well another day, another Yui video in the Top Five. Can this video finally break the streak of no number one videos? It has been over a year, Yui! Make it happen!
4. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #2)
After almost beating out Wonder Girls for number one last week, Ikimono-Gakari falls two spots this week! It was a hell of a run this time out but in the end, Naruto couldn’t top Bleach once again. Life imitates art. We are down to three!
3. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #5)
We begin with familiar territory for Kelun as they get their send Top Three video of 2008! With the Bleach factor (Three number one videos) working for them, Kelun is pressing hard for the number one video. Speaking of number one, who is number one? Well…we have…
A TIE
1.Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1) & T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
For the second time ever and the first time in just under a year and a half, we have a tie for the number one spot! First it was Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over” and John Legend’s “P.D.A. (We Just Don’t Care)” tying for number one. This time, it is the reigning champs Wonder Girls spending their second week at number one and T.I. reclaiming his throne as the King of the Countdown! It gives T.I. his first number one in over almost two years and his third overall while Wonder Girls continues their dominance. It was a weird week and this just tops it all off. Congrats to both T.I. and the Wonder Girls!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if we will have a SINGULAR number one video! Will T.I. continue his regien? Or will the Wonder Girls make it a third week on top? Or can Kelun trump both of them and bring back the “Bleach Bump?” Tune in seven days from now to see!
Well, I am out of this piece. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get this party started!
20. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #17, Three Weeks at #1)
It looks like YA-KYIM is having their death knell. After over FOUR MONTHS on the Countdown this trio looks to finally fall off the chart. Very good year and looking for something new for them.
19. CHEMISTRY – Life Goes On (New Entry)
IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! CHEMISTRY has their first ever video on the Countdown after like…a millennia of kick ass music! Listen to some Gundam endings and you will recognize their greatness. This video just exudes the awesomeness of the 80’s and all I have to say is hells yeah!
18. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #15)
On the flipside, Chris Brown looks to be spending his final days on the Countdown as well. It was a pretty good summer for him but with fall around the corner it looks like his dominance has come to an end. Also….DOUBLEMINT GUM COMMERCIAL?! FUCK THAT!
17. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #20)
Just got the single a few seconds ago and all I have to say is that there is a reason these guys RAWK YOUR FACE. Love this video, and got the karaoke of it too so I am learning them words!
16. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #14)
Looks like Seamo’s upward mobility has stalled as he falls back two spots this week. Pretty good year and a great turnaround from my distain of him previously.
15. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (Last Week #16)
Totally going to their concert in November. Anyone else down?
14. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #12)
Looks like the Summer of Usher is officially over. Gotta admit, you loved “Love In This Club” as much as everyone else. You know you did.
13. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
So is CRS the group of the year? Together they have dominated and individually they have owned and this video is no different. Although I have been rocking this for about two months, it still never gets old.
12. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #10, Two Weeks at #1)
For the first time since May, Paramore is not in the Top 10! Been a big year for them and even though I missed them when they were up in Denver I am not upset. A little sad, but not upset.
11. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #13)
Yeah, I am just as shocked as you are. But look here as Fonzworth Bentley is one step away from the Top 10. Who fricking knew? Still upset I rarely see this video on TV though because it is one of the few that doesn’t piss me off.
10. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
We begin the upper half with the first number one video for Game. “My Life” with Lil’ Wayne should be out any minute now because….they have a behind the scenes video out. THE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO IS LONGER THAN THE SONG?! God….no sense whatsoever.
9. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #11)
Jeezy moves into the Top 10 for the second time in 2008! Kanya tags along on what may be the biggest hip hop track of the year so far. Yes….Jezzy has the hottest song of the year so far. I think my brain just collapsed on itself.
8. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
After finally taking the top spot, HAMC fall four big spots this week. Can they follow up the success of this video in the fall? We will have to see, because this was awesome.
7. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #9)
Say hello to my new ringback tone! Yes, my ringback is in Spanish, my ringtone is in Swedish (Or some Nordic country) and my favorite song is in Korean. Yeah, I’m a pretty fucked up cat.
6. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #7)
Miss Hyori is moving on up! Can I just say that she REALLY needs to eat something? Now it is getting hella scary as my baby boo is unhealthily skinny. And I don’t believe in that. Also, that dance segment in the middle isn’t as annoying as it used to be. And it was ANNOYING.
5. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #6)
Well another day, another Yui video in the Top Five. Can this video finally break the streak of no number one videos? It has been over a year, Yui! Make it happen!
4. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #2)
After almost beating out Wonder Girls for number one last week, Ikimono-Gakari falls two spots this week! It was a hell of a run this time out but in the end, Naruto couldn’t top Bleach once again. Life imitates art. We are down to three!
3. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #5)
We begin with familiar territory for Kelun as they get their send Top Three video of 2008! With the Bleach factor (Three number one videos) working for them, Kelun is pressing hard for the number one video. Speaking of number one, who is number one? Well…we have…
A TIE
1.Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1) & T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
For the second time ever and the first time in just under a year and a half, we have a tie for the number one spot! First it was Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over” and John Legend’s “P.D.A. (We Just Don’t Care)” tying for number one. This time, it is the reigning champs Wonder Girls spending their second week at number one and T.I. reclaiming his throne as the King of the Countdown! It gives T.I. his first number one in over almost two years and his third overall while Wonder Girls continues their dominance. It was a weird week and this just tops it all off. Congrats to both T.I. and the Wonder Girls!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if we will have a SINGULAR number one video! Will T.I. continue his regien? Or will the Wonder Girls make it a third week on top? Or can Kelun trump both of them and bring back the “Bleach Bump?” Tune in seven days from now to see!
Well, I am out of this piece. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out
Monday, August 11, 2008
Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.
What is up, people. This has been a rough two days as you all know. I busted up my thumb (Funny story…not so much) on Saturday and I aint going to lie. It hurts like eight bitches in a bitch boat but if I want to be Kappa Phi Koopa I gotta tough it up! Secondly, Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes both died this weekend. Isaac Hayes had gone through some rough health times after his stroke but I am still saddened to see him go. Bernie Mac on the other hand was funny as all hell and I will miss him as a comedian. It is hard to be so vulgar and yet be funny. I wont call him Richard Pryor or George Carlin but he was close. Man, 2008 has sucked teh balls. Rest in peace, both of you.
Well, with the Olympic games having begun it has become time for the whole “we are all Americans and should be proud” bullshit to begin. You know, I have nothing against pride but I kind of despise patriotism. Because a lot of you dipshits use it as a reason to be prejudiced pricks against other races, ethnicities and creeds. You are a bunch of god damned pussies. I am a racist 24/7 against everyone. All year, every day like the US Postal Service. Unlike that unreliable and swarthy Italian postal service. Here-a is-a your mail-a! Pasta eating, no war winning greasy guidos. So with that being said, I can honestly say that I haven’t cared about the Olympics since I came back to the states in 1992. Mostly because when I was in Italy the summer games were going on in Barcelona so I was a lot closer to the action and the news coverage was like only an hour behind rather than seven or eight. However, after that I really didn’t watch the Olympics with much interest anymore. It is a shame because when I was younger, I vaguely remember the 1984 Olympics (And man to I mean VAGUELY. It was playing while we were moving from Germany to New York that summer) and I was all over the 1988 Olympics as it was all we could really watch when we first moved to Italy and were in the pencions. However, we all know about what happened there (And if you don’t, read a fucking book. You are slowing down the progress here) and since then, the reputation of the American athlete and Americans as a whole in the global spectrum has fallen WAY OFF. Now say what you will about not caring what the world thinks but in the end, if you do your best and act as a excellent global citizen then you can shake off the haters if they still don’t like you. However, if you act like a prick then you will be looked at like a prick. And that is where America is now. The world thinks we are pricks and quite honestly, albeit many are calling the kettle black as they are douchey pots, they are dead on. Say what you will but you act like a dick and people will see you that way. I’m living proof. In other words, the Olympic games are rather important because:
• It is putting China great advancements and human rights deficiencies to the forefront.
• It is also a chance for America to rebuild their tarnished reputation of being bullies (Um…Iraq, anyone?), overrated (Dream Team 2004, anyone?) and cheaters (Marion Jones, anyone?).
• About 3 billion Chinese women all looking for love. Most are between the ages of 32-44 and of course under 21. Pedo bear would approve:
It’s only rape if you fight it, baby.
Now that I am sure I have offended SOMEONE with that last comment, let me finish up the last point by saying I hope all of you watch the Olympics this year and gets something out of it. Not sure what you will take away from it but hopefully it will be good. Or not….none of this matters anyway. I’m only watching for the gymnasts and basketball. Everybody got their something.
So I want to talk about something I rarely touch on when I blog but is a very important aspect in my total being, and that is video games. Now I don’t know if any of you heard about that kid in Thailand (I believe he was a kid. They are a small people and it is easy to mistake them for midgets) that killed a taxi driver and his reason for it was that he wanted to see if it was as easy to do in real life as it is in Grand Theft Auto IV. You see….this is why I hate mankind with a fucking passion. First off, the answer to if murder is easy is a resounding yes. We have all contemplated it, all thought about it and hell some of us even had plans on how we would do it. However, it isn’t whether the ACT is easy, it is whether GOING THROUGH the act is easy. Now I am not a moral or kind person by any means. You are reading work from a guy that fully endorses the Pedo Bear seal of approval, believes that rape is just sex the way God intended it, domestic violence is usually a just result of women not knowing when to shut up and tthat the easiest way to give reparations is give all the proceeds from Kool-Aid and menthol cigarettes to Blacks. If you don’t get that joke then get the hell out of my blog. However, I am all about logic when it comes to damn near everything I do. When you play GTA IV and you kill someone, you have a chance of two stars popping up on your wanted level. That automatically is a sign that there will be consequences for you actions and if you can’t grasp that at a respectable age then playing video games is the LEAST of your fucking problems.
It has officially come to pass that if you blame a video game, music, movie or TV show for anything you have done that is illegal, no matter what your age, that you should go to jail for being stupid. Seriously, kids are smarter than you think. Have you ever thought about the fact that when kids DO something wrong and they blame a video game for the fact that they were a dipshit and shouldn’t have been let out of the house without a beating in the first fucking place the responsibility shifts? How often are we subjected to violence in the news and on the streets? We can’t control what happens there, but you sure as tits can control what happens in your own goddamn house. If you don’t want your kids playing violent video games, don’t buy them. If their friends have them and you don’t want them playing with those games then they can’t play with those friends. Get the jelly out of your motherfucking spine and either tell them no or talk to them about what is going on. You think drug dealers don’t know dealing drugs is illegal? How about stealing cars? If they didn’t know, IT WOULDN’T BE CALLED STEALING, YOU FUCKWITS! So at what point can we chalk up video games being destructive when it is just ignorance and dipshittery in children and their lazy ass parents? I know times are hard but I grew up in the 80’s and Reganomics so I know financial struggle from a child’s prospective with both parents working. I still found the time to kill no one and commit no crimes…that I got caught for. Metal Gear helped with that one, by the way. I’M KIDDING! Long story short, if you are a parent buying you kid a game and there is a FELONY IN THE TITLE then you should be shot in the face or have your reproductive organs removed because you do not deserve the right to have children. It is like Idiocracy in real life. Electrolytes, bitches!
The fact that people STILL have the audacity after over THREE DECADES of gaming to blame them for any problems is pointless and shows that people have not gotten smarter since then which is making a dumber generation of children. I can’t believe that kids cannot differentiate between logical and illogical, let alone right and wrong. When you look at it morally things get skewed because religion will justify anything you do as “choosing for the right” (How is THAT for quasi-Nazism? Mormons have “CTW” but I have ”FTW” bitches!) but when you logically look at trying to emulate a video game it doesn’t make sense. If people STILL don’t get that then there is no hope for anything ever. The dumbening of the world continues at a rapid pace.
Although if logic prevailed, we could give all female children a copy of Cooking Mama for the Wii and they would end up being good housewives but….that shit won’t work. Although I PWN at that game! I am such a bitch.
Well, I am out for now. A rant HOPEFULLY at some point this week before Friday. May be the last full rant for a while, but in a good way. Until then, you all stay up.
Chachi Out.
Well, with the Olympic games having begun it has become time for the whole “we are all Americans and should be proud” bullshit to begin. You know, I have nothing against pride but I kind of despise patriotism. Because a lot of you dipshits use it as a reason to be prejudiced pricks against other races, ethnicities and creeds. You are a bunch of god damned pussies. I am a racist 24/7 against everyone. All year, every day like the US Postal Service. Unlike that unreliable and swarthy Italian postal service. Here-a is-a your mail-a! Pasta eating, no war winning greasy guidos. So with that being said, I can honestly say that I haven’t cared about the Olympics since I came back to the states in 1992. Mostly because when I was in Italy the summer games were going on in Barcelona so I was a lot closer to the action and the news coverage was like only an hour behind rather than seven or eight. However, after that I really didn’t watch the Olympics with much interest anymore. It is a shame because when I was younger, I vaguely remember the 1984 Olympics (And man to I mean VAGUELY. It was playing while we were moving from Germany to New York that summer) and I was all over the 1988 Olympics as it was all we could really watch when we first moved to Italy and were in the pencions. However, we all know about what happened there (And if you don’t, read a fucking book. You are slowing down the progress here) and since then, the reputation of the American athlete and Americans as a whole in the global spectrum has fallen WAY OFF. Now say what you will about not caring what the world thinks but in the end, if you do your best and act as a excellent global citizen then you can shake off the haters if they still don’t like you. However, if you act like a prick then you will be looked at like a prick. And that is where America is now. The world thinks we are pricks and quite honestly, albeit many are calling the kettle black as they are douchey pots, they are dead on. Say what you will but you act like a dick and people will see you that way. I’m living proof. In other words, the Olympic games are rather important because:
• It is putting China great advancements and human rights deficiencies to the forefront.
• It is also a chance for America to rebuild their tarnished reputation of being bullies (Um…Iraq, anyone?), overrated (Dream Team 2004, anyone?) and cheaters (Marion Jones, anyone?).
• About 3 billion Chinese women all looking for love. Most are between the ages of 32-44 and of course under 21. Pedo bear would approve:
It’s only rape if you fight it, baby.
Now that I am sure I have offended SOMEONE with that last comment, let me finish up the last point by saying I hope all of you watch the Olympics this year and gets something out of it. Not sure what you will take away from it but hopefully it will be good. Or not….none of this matters anyway. I’m only watching for the gymnasts and basketball. Everybody got their something.
So I want to talk about something I rarely touch on when I blog but is a very important aspect in my total being, and that is video games. Now I don’t know if any of you heard about that kid in Thailand (I believe he was a kid. They are a small people and it is easy to mistake them for midgets) that killed a taxi driver and his reason for it was that he wanted to see if it was as easy to do in real life as it is in Grand Theft Auto IV. You see….this is why I hate mankind with a fucking passion. First off, the answer to if murder is easy is a resounding yes. We have all contemplated it, all thought about it and hell some of us even had plans on how we would do it. However, it isn’t whether the ACT is easy, it is whether GOING THROUGH the act is easy. Now I am not a moral or kind person by any means. You are reading work from a guy that fully endorses the Pedo Bear seal of approval, believes that rape is just sex the way God intended it, domestic violence is usually a just result of women not knowing when to shut up and tthat the easiest way to give reparations is give all the proceeds from Kool-Aid and menthol cigarettes to Blacks. If you don’t get that joke then get the hell out of my blog. However, I am all about logic when it comes to damn near everything I do. When you play GTA IV and you kill someone, you have a chance of two stars popping up on your wanted level. That automatically is a sign that there will be consequences for you actions and if you can’t grasp that at a respectable age then playing video games is the LEAST of your fucking problems.
It has officially come to pass that if you blame a video game, music, movie or TV show for anything you have done that is illegal, no matter what your age, that you should go to jail for being stupid. Seriously, kids are smarter than you think. Have you ever thought about the fact that when kids DO something wrong and they blame a video game for the fact that they were a dipshit and shouldn’t have been let out of the house without a beating in the first fucking place the responsibility shifts? How often are we subjected to violence in the news and on the streets? We can’t control what happens there, but you sure as tits can control what happens in your own goddamn house. If you don’t want your kids playing violent video games, don’t buy them. If their friends have them and you don’t want them playing with those games then they can’t play with those friends. Get the jelly out of your motherfucking spine and either tell them no or talk to them about what is going on. You think drug dealers don’t know dealing drugs is illegal? How about stealing cars? If they didn’t know, IT WOULDN’T BE CALLED STEALING, YOU FUCKWITS! So at what point can we chalk up video games being destructive when it is just ignorance and dipshittery in children and their lazy ass parents? I know times are hard but I grew up in the 80’s and Reganomics so I know financial struggle from a child’s prospective with both parents working. I still found the time to kill no one and commit no crimes…that I got caught for. Metal Gear helped with that one, by the way. I’M KIDDING! Long story short, if you are a parent buying you kid a game and there is a FELONY IN THE TITLE then you should be shot in the face or have your reproductive organs removed because you do not deserve the right to have children. It is like Idiocracy in real life. Electrolytes, bitches!
The fact that people STILL have the audacity after over THREE DECADES of gaming to blame them for any problems is pointless and shows that people have not gotten smarter since then which is making a dumber generation of children. I can’t believe that kids cannot differentiate between logical and illogical, let alone right and wrong. When you look at it morally things get skewed because religion will justify anything you do as “choosing for the right” (How is THAT for quasi-Nazism? Mormons have “CTW” but I have ”FTW” bitches!) but when you logically look at trying to emulate a video game it doesn’t make sense. If people STILL don’t get that then there is no hope for anything ever. The dumbening of the world continues at a rapid pace.
Although if logic prevailed, we could give all female children a copy of Cooking Mama for the Wii and they would end up being good housewives but….that shit won’t work. Although I PWN at that game! I am such a bitch.
Well, I am out for now. A rant HOPEFULLY at some point this week before Friday. May be the last full rant for a while, but in a good way. Until then, you all stay up.
Chachi Out.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Yeah, This Post Is Kind Of A Downer....
What is up, people? I am back for a bit after kind of a rough night (Damn you soju and your alcoholy goodness!) and overall a busy week. I was all over the fricking place as I had my first date in a while (That ended up being rather weird seeing as how it made me rethink all the respect I had for women and gave me a new respect for Jimmy. That’s one hell of a dude right there) and an assload of interviews (I think…10? Maybe nine) but you gotta find what you want or you bounce around like a freshman sorority girl at her first frat party. The KING IS BACK!
So I have been watching the “Tales Of Mere Existence” on YouTube for a long time now and damn it….they pretty much capture me in a fucking nutshell. Especially the “I’m Not Going To Think About Her” video:
I am SO LAME. So, I decided to do my own….seeing as how I have a bit of soju and courage running though my veins. Mainly soju. Copper, I has a problem. Now these arent about just ONE girl…it is pretty much three. Well, four but the last one was kind of never going to happen because she was a tiger and I was a shark. Natural enemies.
• I’m not going to think about how she laughed at the “What were the first words from Jesus when they took him off the cross” joke even though she was quasi-Catholic and I knew damn well it offended her.
• I’m not going to think about how she was the only girlfriend (Or friend that was a girl. Or friend not names Zach or Sung for that matter) I had that didn’t hate J-Pop and K-Pop.
• I’m not going to think about how she was the only person in twenty-six years to ever see me cry that wasn’t immediate family. And understood why….and cried with me.
• I’m not going to think about how she constantly battled me for my bullshit no matter how right I was….and I loved her for it.
• I am not going to think about how I hated her friends and her friends hated me. And she totally didn’t care.
• I’m not going to think about how her family loved me more than her boyfriend at the time. Which….initially made things awkward.
• I’m not going to think about how I made her laugh so hard she snorted….and I DIDN’T want to kill her. I know, shocking right?
• I am not going to think about how she was the only person I never ridiculed when she cried. Because I knew if she was, it hurt more than I would ever know.
• I am not going to think about how she made me feel like someone cared, even when I knew that sadly she didn’t. The lie was a better life, I guess.
• I am not going to think about how she did not think David Bowie was a trendsetter. Seriously, I tried to kill her in her sleep when I drove her home once but I knew that the guy from Labyrinth would not approve.
• I am not going to think about how she was the only girl that ever had me tongue-tied. Don’t count that up to me being suave, count that up to me being a total douchebag.
• I am not going to think about the fact that she is the only person that has seen me drunk to the point I was needing Jebus. So everyone that THINKS you have seen me at my limit, you aint seen NOTHING. And that makes me cry inside.
• I’m not going to think about the fact that she was a whore. And I ignored it.
• I am not going to think about the fact that she thought that Cyndi Lauper was dead just because I said so. Flattering, but socially shocking, Mostly because I thought it, too. Come to find out, she was at Red Rock Amphitheatre the next FUCKING DAY. How cosmic.
• I am not going to think about how she smelled like lavender. Call me queer as folk, but lavender is my mother fucking shit. I fucks with some lavender.
• I am not going to think about how when I realized her smile made me smile, whether she forced it or not. Man, I am kind of a punk bitch.
• I am not going to think about how I had to explain to her the difference between Pirates of Penzance and Pirates of the Caribbean. As naive as it was, I thought it was the most cute thing ever once I got past my blinding rage.
• I am not going to think about how much I hated her voice, and yet my day was rather empty without hearing her. God….I am SUCH A FUCKING BITCH.
• I am not going to think about how much I loved her eyes. I mean seriously, we are talking about the brown-eyed Cillian Murphy.
• I am not going to think about how she is the only person to tell me she loved me….that didn’t involve an argument, feelings of guilt, blatant lying or me catching her in the act of cheating.
And LASTLY
• I am not going to think about how she looked at me when I acted like I was over her, knowing damn well I wasn’t.
Man, I am kind of a downer. Only one thing can clear me up after that. Rocking sexy Jesus and his sexy body….all night long!
That is one hot prophet right there. Who needs women? The love of Jebus is all I need! Not in the creepy way though, in the righteous way. All night long, baby. Well, I will be back at some point this week. Until then, stay up peeps. A rant soon, I promise!
Chachi Out.
So I have been watching the “Tales Of Mere Existence” on YouTube for a long time now and damn it….they pretty much capture me in a fucking nutshell. Especially the “I’m Not Going To Think About Her” video:
I am SO LAME. So, I decided to do my own….seeing as how I have a bit of soju and courage running though my veins. Mainly soju. Copper, I has a problem. Now these arent about just ONE girl…it is pretty much three. Well, four but the last one was kind of never going to happen because she was a tiger and I was a shark. Natural enemies.
• I’m not going to think about how she laughed at the “What were the first words from Jesus when they took him off the cross” joke even though she was quasi-Catholic and I knew damn well it offended her.
• I’m not going to think about how she was the only girlfriend (Or friend that was a girl. Or friend not names Zach or Sung for that matter) I had that didn’t hate J-Pop and K-Pop.
• I’m not going to think about how she was the only person in twenty-six years to ever see me cry that wasn’t immediate family. And understood why….and cried with me.
• I’m not going to think about how she constantly battled me for my bullshit no matter how right I was….and I loved her for it.
• I am not going to think about how I hated her friends and her friends hated me. And she totally didn’t care.
• I’m not going to think about how her family loved me more than her boyfriend at the time. Which….initially made things awkward.
• I’m not going to think about how I made her laugh so hard she snorted….and I DIDN’T want to kill her. I know, shocking right?
• I am not going to think about how she was the only person I never ridiculed when she cried. Because I knew if she was, it hurt more than I would ever know.
• I am not going to think about how she made me feel like someone cared, even when I knew that sadly she didn’t. The lie was a better life, I guess.
• I am not going to think about how she did not think David Bowie was a trendsetter. Seriously, I tried to kill her in her sleep when I drove her home once but I knew that the guy from Labyrinth would not approve.
• I am not going to think about how she was the only girl that ever had me tongue-tied. Don’t count that up to me being suave, count that up to me being a total douchebag.
• I am not going to think about the fact that she is the only person that has seen me drunk to the point I was needing Jebus. So everyone that THINKS you have seen me at my limit, you aint seen NOTHING. And that makes me cry inside.
• I’m not going to think about the fact that she was a whore. And I ignored it.
• I am not going to think about the fact that she thought that Cyndi Lauper was dead just because I said so. Flattering, but socially shocking, Mostly because I thought it, too. Come to find out, she was at Red Rock Amphitheatre the next FUCKING DAY. How cosmic.
• I am not going to think about how she smelled like lavender. Call me queer as folk, but lavender is my mother fucking shit. I fucks with some lavender.
• I am not going to think about how when I realized her smile made me smile, whether she forced it or not. Man, I am kind of a punk bitch.
• I am not going to think about how I had to explain to her the difference between Pirates of Penzance and Pirates of the Caribbean. As naive as it was, I thought it was the most cute thing ever once I got past my blinding rage.
• I am not going to think about how much I hated her voice, and yet my day was rather empty without hearing her. God….I am SUCH A FUCKING BITCH.
• I am not going to think about how much I loved her eyes. I mean seriously, we are talking about the brown-eyed Cillian Murphy.
• I am not going to think about how she is the only person to tell me she loved me….that didn’t involve an argument, feelings of guilt, blatant lying or me catching her in the act of cheating.
And LASTLY
• I am not going to think about how she looked at me when I acted like I was over her, knowing damn well I wasn’t.
Man, I am kind of a downer. Only one thing can clear me up after that. Rocking sexy Jesus and his sexy body….all night long!
That is one hot prophet right there. Who needs women? The love of Jebus is all I need! Not in the creepy way though, in the righteous way. All night long, baby. Well, I will be back at some point this week. Until then, stay up peeps. A rant soon, I promise!
Chachi Out.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Time To Make It Hot....So Hot!
What is up peeps?! This was a short ass week, wasn’t it? Well, the weekend came quicker and the Friday staple is back once again! It is time for the…
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a J-Rock band that has been gone for over a year from the Countdown and makes their return!
20. FLOW – WORLD END (New Entry)
FLOW is back! After taking “Re:Member” to the top in 2006, they have had a rather spotty line of work (Hit and miss, mainly miss for me) but their latest video is where it is at! I have the karaoke version of this song so it WILL be done at NDK. Welcome back guys!
19. Skillz feat Talib Kweli – So Far So Good/Sick (Last Week #20)
Skillz moves up one spot this week! You know, I like the original version with both Common and Talib Kweli but as usual, I can’t win them all.
18. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix)
WELL IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! I have been waiting for this video for about six hundred millennia! And I have to say, as simple as it is, it was well worth the wait. I have been rocking this song forever and it looks like Kanye is cinching down the Artist of the Year Chachi Award. Lupe is getting there, though. I don’t like drugs in rap, but Pusha-T KILLED IT on this one.
17. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
The ladies of YA-KYIM are STILL hanging on to the Countdown! They have the longest reigning number one video on the chart so far (Seeing what HAMC does later) and the longest since Bennie K’s SEVEN WEEK run in early spring. Been a good year for my baby boos.
16. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (Last Week #18)
NKOTB is moving on up! Even though summertime is almost over, this song is still in rotation. When is the album coming out? I am all ready for this one! Yaaay, Jordan!
15. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #12)
Looks like Chris Breezy is making his downward spiral yet again. Not sure if he has anything else coming out off of his last album so he may not be back for a while.
14. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #13)
Seamo is still just hanging around. He could end up being like James Morrison, who was on the Countdown for two months but never got any higher than number 11. It is about staying power, people.
13. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #15)
Okay, this song is totally growing on me. That and the name “Cool Outrageous Lovers Of Unique & Radical Style” is just the most awesome name ever. Even better than Journey. Yes, that Journey.
12. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #9)
With all the asshatery going on in the Usher camp, this could be the last video we see from him for a while. It was good to have him back, I guess.
11. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
Fall is coming which means colder weather given to us by The Snowman! Young Jeezy, flanked by Kanye West, moves up a huge FIVE PLACES this week as he lands outside of the Top 10. Can he make it to number one again and be the first artist of 2008 with two stints at the top?
10. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #7, Two Weeks at #1)
We begin the Top 10 with a former number one video. Paramore finally got the monkey off their collective backs but since then has steadily fallen from their perch. Since they are on tour it may be a while until we see them on the small screen again. Boooooo!
9. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #11)
RBD is back! They have their second Top 10 of 2008 but can they finally take the top spot? They are 0-for-2 since 2006 but they have came VERY close on those occasions. I mean, as fine as Dulce Maria is I figured they would own this thing but here we are.
8. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
So I guess the “My Life” video featuring Lil Wayne should be out any day now. You know, with the year that Lil Wayne has had, he hasn’t shown up on the Countdown ever. Like…at all. Shocking but at the same time….rightfully so in some cases. “Lollipop” sucked.
7. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #10)
Princes Hee-yo-Ri is moving up! She shimmies up three spots this week as she is getting into some dangerous waters near the top. Can Miss Lee hold her own? I think so, I mean she is fricking hot. I mean, the shorts do nothing for me but that smile could tame a coked up Kodiak bear.
6. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #8)
It wouldn’t be a Countdown without Yui, would it now? Yui continues to move up this week as she guns for her record seventh Top Five video. Yeah, she is pushing for the Artist of the Year as well. Can I just say I fucking love this song? Seriously, I am all about this one.
5. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #6)
Well, that didn’t take long. Kelun is back in the Top Five! The streak of Bleach openings hitting number one was broken with Asian Kung Fu Generation’s “After Dark” but can Kelun start a new streak of Bleach dominance? They may just!
4. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Total shocker! After two weeks, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR fall from their throne! It was a long ride and a good reign but even the awesomeness of TM Revolution couldn’t keep them in the Top Three. We have a new number one video and it is one of these last three videos!
3. T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #4)
The King of the South is in familiar territory as he is back in the Top Three! Not only that, he has two new videos coming! “Whatever You Like” (To which I say meh, but it has Lil’ Duvall in it and he is funny as hell) is out now and “Swing Ya Rag” should be out any day now and that song is FUCKING BANGIN. Seriously, I may have to get a Louis rag.
2. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #3)
Ikimono-Gakari is one step away from greatness! They move up one spot this week to the runner-up position! This song has been on rotation for a while (With the windows up….the world aint ready for it) and it has paid off because they are very close to their first number one video. However, they didn’t get it this week and with HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR falling from the throne we have a new king! Or queen?
1. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Or queens! The young ladies of Wonder Girls are on top of the world and finally on top of the Chachi Countdown! It has been an interesting road as I really didn’t think they would get this far. However, the awesomeness of this song could not be denied! Because of that, the Wonder Girls are so hot…and so on top. Yeah….I meant that just how it sounded. Congratulations ladies!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if the Wonder Girls can make it two weeks at the top! Or will Ikimono-Gakari finally move into the number one position? Or will T.I. finally break the streak and once again become the King of the Countdown? See you in seven!
Well, I am about to be out. Been an exhausting week (Denver three times, a shitload of interviews and a total epiphany about women being stupid) but it was worth it. I may head out tonight but I will be back on Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a J-Rock band that has been gone for over a year from the Countdown and makes their return!
20. FLOW – WORLD END (New Entry)
FLOW is back! After taking “Re:Member” to the top in 2006, they have had a rather spotty line of work (Hit and miss, mainly miss for me) but their latest video is where it is at! I have the karaoke version of this song so it WILL be done at NDK. Welcome back guys!
19. Skillz feat Talib Kweli – So Far So Good/Sick (Last Week #20)
Skillz moves up one spot this week! You know, I like the original version with both Common and Talib Kweli but as usual, I can’t win them all.
18. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix)
WELL IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! I have been waiting for this video for about six hundred millennia! And I have to say, as simple as it is, it was well worth the wait. I have been rocking this song forever and it looks like Kanye is cinching down the Artist of the Year Chachi Award. Lupe is getting there, though. I don’t like drugs in rap, but Pusha-T KILLED IT on this one.
17. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
The ladies of YA-KYIM are STILL hanging on to the Countdown! They have the longest reigning number one video on the chart so far (Seeing what HAMC does later) and the longest since Bennie K’s SEVEN WEEK run in early spring. Been a good year for my baby boos.
16. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (Last Week #18)
NKOTB is moving on up! Even though summertime is almost over, this song is still in rotation. When is the album coming out? I am all ready for this one! Yaaay, Jordan!
15. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #12)
Looks like Chris Breezy is making his downward spiral yet again. Not sure if he has anything else coming out off of his last album so he may not be back for a while.
14. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #13)
Seamo is still just hanging around. He could end up being like James Morrison, who was on the Countdown for two months but never got any higher than number 11. It is about staying power, people.
13. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #15)
Okay, this song is totally growing on me. That and the name “Cool Outrageous Lovers Of Unique & Radical Style” is just the most awesome name ever. Even better than Journey. Yes, that Journey.
12. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #9)
With all the asshatery going on in the Usher camp, this could be the last video we see from him for a while. It was good to have him back, I guess.
11. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
Fall is coming which means colder weather given to us by The Snowman! Young Jeezy, flanked by Kanye West, moves up a huge FIVE PLACES this week as he lands outside of the Top 10. Can he make it to number one again and be the first artist of 2008 with two stints at the top?
10. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #7, Two Weeks at #1)
We begin the Top 10 with a former number one video. Paramore finally got the monkey off their collective backs but since then has steadily fallen from their perch. Since they are on tour it may be a while until we see them on the small screen again. Boooooo!
9. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #11)
RBD is back! They have their second Top 10 of 2008 but can they finally take the top spot? They are 0-for-2 since 2006 but they have came VERY close on those occasions. I mean, as fine as Dulce Maria is I figured they would own this thing but here we are.
8. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
So I guess the “My Life” video featuring Lil Wayne should be out any day now. You know, with the year that Lil Wayne has had, he hasn’t shown up on the Countdown ever. Like…at all. Shocking but at the same time….rightfully so in some cases. “Lollipop” sucked.
7. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #10)
Princes Hee-yo-Ri is moving up! She shimmies up three spots this week as she is getting into some dangerous waters near the top. Can Miss Lee hold her own? I think so, I mean she is fricking hot. I mean, the shorts do nothing for me but that smile could tame a coked up Kodiak bear.
6. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #8)
It wouldn’t be a Countdown without Yui, would it now? Yui continues to move up this week as she guns for her record seventh Top Five video. Yeah, she is pushing for the Artist of the Year as well. Can I just say I fucking love this song? Seriously, I am all about this one.
5. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #6)
Well, that didn’t take long. Kelun is back in the Top Five! The streak of Bleach openings hitting number one was broken with Asian Kung Fu Generation’s “After Dark” but can Kelun start a new streak of Bleach dominance? They may just!
4. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Total shocker! After two weeks, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR fall from their throne! It was a long ride and a good reign but even the awesomeness of TM Revolution couldn’t keep them in the Top Three. We have a new number one video and it is one of these last three videos!
3. T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #4)
The King of the South is in familiar territory as he is back in the Top Three! Not only that, he has two new videos coming! “Whatever You Like” (To which I say meh, but it has Lil’ Duvall in it and he is funny as hell) is out now and “Swing Ya Rag” should be out any day now and that song is FUCKING BANGIN. Seriously, I may have to get a Louis rag.
2. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #3)
Ikimono-Gakari is one step away from greatness! They move up one spot this week to the runner-up position! This song has been on rotation for a while (With the windows up….the world aint ready for it) and it has paid off because they are very close to their first number one video. However, they didn’t get it this week and with HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR falling from the throne we have a new king! Or queen?
1. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Or queens! The young ladies of Wonder Girls are on top of the world and finally on top of the Chachi Countdown! It has been an interesting road as I really didn’t think they would get this far. However, the awesomeness of this song could not be denied! Because of that, the Wonder Girls are so hot…and so on top. Yeah….I meant that just how it sounded. Congratulations ladies!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if the Wonder Girls can make it two weeks at the top! Or will Ikimono-Gakari finally move into the number one position? Or will T.I. finally break the streak and once again become the King of the Countdown? See you in seven!
Well, I am about to be out. Been an exhausting week (Denver three times, a shitload of interviews and a total epiphany about women being stupid) but it was worth it. I may head out tonight but I will be back on Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Give Me A Whoo-Hah Tuesday!
What is up, mother bitches?! I am back on the scene after a hiatus to hang out with Griff and his significantly eviler other (Yeah, I said it. She is a succubus and she stole my homie. Homies over hoes! Do tha homie!
…..Nigga you gay. Anyway, I have missed posting. Sadly I have been busy for the last few days including learning last night why some females don’t deserve air and realizing that Frank Sinatra is the fucking shit. Yeah, as usual I was all over the place. Oh, and there is a good reason why I don’t drink gin: I want to fucking live. As good as a vesper is, gin is like rape….in your mouth. But as Zach said “Much like rape, you get used to it after a while.” He must have went to Camp Woebegone, too! So I learned some things this weekend:
1. Women do not appreciate the awesomeness of the PokeRap. I mean seriously, how can you not like this song?!
Now Ash may have been inept and Brock may have been a candidate to hide outside of Misty’s (obviously a lesbian) bushes masturbating and filming her as she showered but aside from that this show was….okay it sucked. BUT PSYDUCK PWNS YOU!
2. I understand the phrase “If you got it, flaunt it” but if you have too much of it, COVER THAT SHIT UP. Honestly, is there any need to let it all hang out when it is ALL hanging out? That shit is not cool.
3. We need another 24 hour sports option. I am not even really that BIG of a sports fan anymore but when I want to see the highlights of the Cubs/Astros game, I don’t want to have to sit through coverage of Favrefuckery to see it. Do you know the Olympics are going on? The whole world is on its way to Communist China for arguably the most controversial Olympics since the 1980 games and all we get to hear about is some inbred, redneck fucktard that lied about not having the heart for the game like…five months ago and wants to come back. He wasn’t even the MVP of the Super Bowl he made. Even Doug Williams was a Super Bowl MVP. Fuck Favre and fuck ESPN. I’m watching Telemundo.
Well, I am out for now. I will be back up before Friday.
Chachi Out.
…..Nigga you gay. Anyway, I have missed posting. Sadly I have been busy for the last few days including learning last night why some females don’t deserve air and realizing that Frank Sinatra is the fucking shit. Yeah, as usual I was all over the place. Oh, and there is a good reason why I don’t drink gin: I want to fucking live. As good as a vesper is, gin is like rape….in your mouth. But as Zach said “Much like rape, you get used to it after a while.” He must have went to Camp Woebegone, too! So I learned some things this weekend:
1. Women do not appreciate the awesomeness of the PokeRap. I mean seriously, how can you not like this song?!
Now Ash may have been inept and Brock may have been a candidate to hide outside of Misty’s (obviously a lesbian) bushes masturbating and filming her as she showered but aside from that this show was….okay it sucked. BUT PSYDUCK PWNS YOU!
2. I understand the phrase “If you got it, flaunt it” but if you have too much of it, COVER THAT SHIT UP. Honestly, is there any need to let it all hang out when it is ALL hanging out? That shit is not cool.
3. We need another 24 hour sports option. I am not even really that BIG of a sports fan anymore but when I want to see the highlights of the Cubs/Astros game, I don’t want to have to sit through coverage of Favrefuckery to see it. Do you know the Olympics are going on? The whole world is on its way to Communist China for arguably the most controversial Olympics since the 1980 games and all we get to hear about is some inbred, redneck fucktard that lied about not having the heart for the game like…five months ago and wants to come back. He wasn’t even the MVP of the Super Bowl he made. Even Doug Williams was a Super Bowl MVP. Fuck Favre and fuck ESPN. I’m watching Telemundo.
Well, I am out for now. I will be back up before Friday.
Chachi Out.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
I'm The Best At What I Do, Bub. And What I Do Aint Pretty. SCORE!
The motherfucking words....
WOLVERINE. ORIGINS. TRAILER.
Sabertooth: So...how are you gonna kill me?
Wolverine: I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off....see if that works.
FUCK YES. FUCK YES. FUCK YES!
Big ups to anyone who caught these cameos:
- Silver Fox
- Gambit (I came. HARD)
- Deadpool (You REALLY gotta look! It is so fucking worth it!)
- The Blob (You sir, are a fattie!)
- Domino (I heard she is in it, but I dont think it his her)
- Maverick (EPIC KAJAGOOGOO. Copper gets the joke. WTF, the dude is the most bland character since Banshee. Weeee, I'm and Irish mutant. Which just makes you IRISH! BURN!)
- Agent Zero (LAAAAAAME! See Maverick....but he's German. So he is lame and watches GGG. Sick freak)
Does this not look like the most kickass movie since Sidekicks?! I'm going to Hugh Jackman's house right now and camping out for a few days. So lets look at 2009:
- GI Joe
- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (If Stan Bush's "You Got the Touch" isnt in this, I WILL SO GO BATSHIT)
- Wolverine: Origins
- Where The Wild Things Are (If the movie studio people get their heads out of their asses)
- Watchmen (INFINITE WIN)
- Dragon Ball (Uh.....what?!)
Can you say fuck yes? I can....I can.
Chachi Out.
WOLVERINE. ORIGINS. TRAILER.
Sabertooth: So...how are you gonna kill me?
Wolverine: I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off....see if that works.
FUCK YES. FUCK YES. FUCK YES!
Big ups to anyone who caught these cameos:
- Silver Fox
- Gambit (I came. HARD)
- Deadpool (You REALLY gotta look! It is so fucking worth it!)
- The Blob (You sir, are a fattie!)
- Domino (I heard she is in it, but I dont think it his her)
- Maverick (EPIC KAJAGOOGOO. Copper gets the joke. WTF, the dude is the most bland character since Banshee. Weeee, I'm and Irish mutant. Which just makes you IRISH! BURN!)
- Agent Zero (LAAAAAAME! See Maverick....but he's German. So he is lame and watches GGG. Sick freak)
Does this not look like the most kickass movie since Sidekicks?! I'm going to Hugh Jackman's house right now and camping out for a few days. So lets look at 2009:
- GI Joe
- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (If Stan Bush's "You Got the Touch" isnt in this, I WILL SO GO BATSHIT)
- Wolverine: Origins
- Where The Wild Things Are (If the movie studio people get their heads out of their asses)
- Watchmen (INFINITE WIN)
- Dragon Ball (Uh.....what?!)
Can you say fuck yes? I can....I can.
Chachi Out.
Friday, August 01, 2008
DIA: Worst Airport In America
Well, it is Friday once again so you know what means! It is time for the…
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a new video from a lesser known hip hop artist!
20. Skillz feat Talib Kweli – So Far So Good/Sick (New Entry)
REAL HIP HOP IS BACK! After like, 16 millenia Skillz FINALLY releases an album that I can find! This video is straight Pete Rock & CL Smooth shit! Talib Kweli does his job and there are at least 5 lines in here that just make ou say “Damn, that was tight!” or whatever the kids say now a days.
19. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
We go from the return of hip hop to the end of a reign. TK has been on the Countdown since…April? Hell maybe even March. He has taken the top and slowly fallen but this looks like his last week on. It has been a hell of a run, sir.
18. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (New Entry)
OMG! OMG! OMG! The New Kids are back! All I can say is that it is about damn time! I was in need of some Jordan Knight! Also, I plan on seeing them in November. Anyone who is down let me know!
17. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #14)
BACK-ON falls backwards three spots this week as we move on this week. It was a quick rise for them and I am hoping to see something else from them soon as it was one hell of a wait just to get this.
16. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #20, Co-Biggest Mover)
The Snowman cometh, even in summertime! Young Jeezy and Kanye move up four big spots this week as Kanye looks to cement his HUGE year while Jeezy tries to make a name for himself in 2008. He was on the top with Usher already this year and Kanye has been on top twice. A lot of star power here.
15. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #17)
Speaking of Ye, he hops on board with Andre 3000 and Fonzworth Bentley as this one moves up two spots this week. Never thought I would see Fonzworth Bentley on here and it has been a while since we have seen three Stacks on here. GIVE ME “GREEN LIGHT” WITH JOHN LEGEND RIGHT NOW!
14. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #11, Three Weeks at #1)
The ladies of YA-KYIM continue to fall this week. You know, as of right now they are the girl gourp to beat of 2008. Well….not named Bennie K I mean. If feels like a year ago that “Monochrome” dominated the chart but here we are.
13. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #12)
After hit number twelve for two straight weeks, Seamo falls a spot this week. He has been hanging around for a while, I wonder if this is just a minor setback?
12. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #8, Plunge of the Week)
Chris Breezy falls from the Top 10! “Forever” feels like it has been out forever and now that this is officially going to be a Doublemint gum commercial…no. Fuck no, you gots ta go.
11. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #15, Co-Biggest Mover)
The second big mover this week belongs to the sexy six-dom (Minus The Uck) of RBD! They look to get their second Top 10 video of the year as they haven’t released an album and they cancelled Denver shows TWICE but I still love them. As anyone knows….I live to be treated poorly.
10. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #13)
Well, Hyori is moving up hella fast! After three weeks she is already in the Top 10! I don’t believe she has ever been on here and seeing as she went into hiding after the “Dark Angel” fiasco I have to say it is good to see her back. I wish she would eat something though. Just heartbreaking to see her being 81 pounds.
9. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #6)
Looks like Usher’s run has come to an end as he falls three more spots. No word on a new video from his latest album but you never know. He could just pop up out of nowhere like he did with “Love In The Club.”
8. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #10)
Yui continues her slow climb this week! It feels like she has a video on here every week and I can honestly say that I never get tired of her. Like I always say: hot ladies + acoustic guitars = ME LIKE!
7. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
After holding the top spot down two weeks ago, Paramore falls this week and looks to be on hiatus for a while seeing as how they are on tour. I TOTALLY MISSED THEM LAST WEEKEND! Eh, I was at Copper’s and I would rather be there having beers and watching movies than sitting through The Offspring. Not a fan anymore, sorry.
6. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #9)
Kelun is back near the top again! It has been a great three months or so for these guys as they are clamoring for some recognition come September/October for the Chachi Awards. Can they pull some nods? Keep this up and they sure will!
5. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
The Game falls three big spots this week but with an album less than a month away and two videos coming expect to see a little more of him in 2008.
4. T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #7)
T.I. is back in the Top Five! The King of the South hasn’t been up here since last year with “Hurt” so it is good to see him back. Hopefully Paper Trail will be better than “TI vs. TIP” because I really wasn’t a fan of that one. We are down to three!
3. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #5)
And we begin with Ikimono-Gakari! They are having a great 2008 as they enter the Top Three for the first time. This is one of the bigger videos of the summer and with a Naruto movie out soon (Like….now) and an album before the end of the year, they may be poised to break out. We will have to see!
2. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #3)
Wow, isn’t this wonderful? The Wonder Girls dance up one spot to the runner up position this week! Now this song is the biggest thing to hit Korea since WarCraft and needless to say I can see why. This song is catchy as hell and this video pretty much equals jailtime. Even still, it is one step away from the top. But who are the reigning champs?
1. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Two weeks in a row for HAMC! After being shut out from the top recently, they seem to have made a home up here. I need to learn this song well enough to do it at karaoke on Saturday because I am SO GONNA TEAR IT UP! This song is badass! Because of it, the song is at number one for a second week. Congrats!
That is all for this week! Can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR make it three weeks in a row? Or will the Wonder Girls take their hotness to the top? Or can Ikimono-Gakari pull one of the biggest upsets ever and get their first number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!
Well, I have to go pick up Griff and his succubus in about….three hours so I will be back up at some point this weekend. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out. AND VOTE FOR SUPER CR3W!!
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a new video from a lesser known hip hop artist!
20. Skillz feat Talib Kweli – So Far So Good/Sick (New Entry)
REAL HIP HOP IS BACK! After like, 16 millenia Skillz FINALLY releases an album that I can find! This video is straight Pete Rock & CL Smooth shit! Talib Kweli does his job and there are at least 5 lines in here that just make ou say “Damn, that was tight!” or whatever the kids say now a days.
19. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
We go from the return of hip hop to the end of a reign. TK has been on the Countdown since…April? Hell maybe even March. He has taken the top and slowly fallen but this looks like his last week on. It has been a hell of a run, sir.
18. New Kids On The Block - Summertime (New Entry)
OMG! OMG! OMG! The New Kids are back! All I can say is that it is about damn time! I was in need of some Jordan Knight! Also, I plan on seeing them in November. Anyone who is down let me know!
17. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #14)
BACK-ON falls backwards three spots this week as we move on this week. It was a quick rise for them and I am hoping to see something else from them soon as it was one hell of a wait just to get this.
16. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #20, Co-Biggest Mover)
The Snowman cometh, even in summertime! Young Jeezy and Kanye move up four big spots this week as Kanye looks to cement his HUGE year while Jeezy tries to make a name for himself in 2008. He was on the top with Usher already this year and Kanye has been on top twice. A lot of star power here.
15. Fonzworth Bentley feat. Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #17)
Speaking of Ye, he hops on board with Andre 3000 and Fonzworth Bentley as this one moves up two spots this week. Never thought I would see Fonzworth Bentley on here and it has been a while since we have seen three Stacks on here. GIVE ME “GREEN LIGHT” WITH JOHN LEGEND RIGHT NOW!
14. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #11, Three Weeks at #1)
The ladies of YA-KYIM continue to fall this week. You know, as of right now they are the girl gourp to beat of 2008. Well….not named Bennie K I mean. If feels like a year ago that “Monochrome” dominated the chart but here we are.
13. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #12)
After hit number twelve for two straight weeks, Seamo falls a spot this week. He has been hanging around for a while, I wonder if this is just a minor setback?
12. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #8, Plunge of the Week)
Chris Breezy falls from the Top 10! “Forever” feels like it has been out forever and now that this is officially going to be a Doublemint gum commercial…no. Fuck no, you gots ta go.
11. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (Last Week #15, Co-Biggest Mover)
The second big mover this week belongs to the sexy six-dom (Minus The Uck) of RBD! They look to get their second Top 10 video of the year as they haven’t released an album and they cancelled Denver shows TWICE but I still love them. As anyone knows….I live to be treated poorly.
10. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #13)
Well, Hyori is moving up hella fast! After three weeks she is already in the Top 10! I don’t believe she has ever been on here and seeing as she went into hiding after the “Dark Angel” fiasco I have to say it is good to see her back. I wish she would eat something though. Just heartbreaking to see her being 81 pounds.
9. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #6)
Looks like Usher’s run has come to an end as he falls three more spots. No word on a new video from his latest album but you never know. He could just pop up out of nowhere like he did with “Love In The Club.”
8. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #10)
Yui continues her slow climb this week! It feels like she has a video on here every week and I can honestly say that I never get tired of her. Like I always say: hot ladies + acoustic guitars = ME LIKE!
7. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
After holding the top spot down two weeks ago, Paramore falls this week and looks to be on hiatus for a while seeing as how they are on tour. I TOTALLY MISSED THEM LAST WEEKEND! Eh, I was at Copper’s and I would rather be there having beers and watching movies than sitting through The Offspring. Not a fan anymore, sorry.
6. Kelun – CHU-BURA (Last Week #9)
Kelun is back near the top again! It has been a great three months or so for these guys as they are clamoring for some recognition come September/October for the Chachi Awards. Can they pull some nods? Keep this up and they sure will!
5. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
The Game falls three big spots this week but with an album less than a month away and two videos coming expect to see a little more of him in 2008.
4. T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #7)
T.I. is back in the Top Five! The King of the South hasn’t been up here since last year with “Hurt” so it is good to see him back. Hopefully Paper Trail will be better than “TI vs. TIP” because I really wasn’t a fan of that one. We are down to three!
3. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #5)
And we begin with Ikimono-Gakari! They are having a great 2008 as they enter the Top Three for the first time. This is one of the bigger videos of the summer and with a Naruto movie out soon (Like….now) and an album before the end of the year, they may be poised to break out. We will have to see!
2. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #3)
Wow, isn’t this wonderful? The Wonder Girls dance up one spot to the runner up position this week! Now this song is the biggest thing to hit Korea since WarCraft and needless to say I can see why. This song is catchy as hell and this video pretty much equals jailtime. Even still, it is one step away from the top. But who are the reigning champs?
1. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Two weeks in a row for HAMC! After being shut out from the top recently, they seem to have made a home up here. I need to learn this song well enough to do it at karaoke on Saturday because I am SO GONNA TEAR IT UP! This song is badass! Because of it, the song is at number one for a second week. Congrats!
That is all for this week! Can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR make it three weeks in a row? Or will the Wonder Girls take their hotness to the top? Or can Ikimono-Gakari pull one of the biggest upsets ever and get their first number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!
Well, I have to go pick up Griff and his succubus in about….three hours so I will be back up at some point this weekend. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out. AND VOTE FOR SUPER CR3W!!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Comcast....It's Crap-Tastic
Quick rant, peeps. First off, FUCK COMCAST! Right during the Boogie Bots performance the cable locked and it hasn’t come back on since! This is fucking bullshit! So now the Boogie Bots got eliminated and Fanny Pak is still around (As you know, I am not a fan but I won’t discount them by any means because someone out there likes them and more power to them) AND I MISSED SHANE RIP INTO THEM! Oh, and I heard Lil’ Mama was her old useless self but still. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I’m getting satellite.
Secondly, I heard the reports on the message boards that the judges were very rude to the Boogie Bots about their performance and they have been heavy handed cockmongers about voting for who THEY like. You see, understand one thing right here and now Shane, JC and you worthless bitch Lil Mama: we have something called democracy when we vote. Put the vote clickers (Who stuff the ballot box electronically) and uber-fans aside, we chose WHO WE WANT as a crew on this show. It is AMERICA’S Best Dance Crew, not “Who The Judges Feel Is Exciting” Dance Crew. You pretty much fuck with the votes anyway because your choice in the bottom two isn’t nescessarily who the people voted for so you could be saving someone who America REALLY wanted to be off the show. Congratulation, you are the electoral fuckwit college of ABDC. Now all of you will be on my ass saying how I was all for Super Cr3w anyway and I shouldn’t care about what they said or did to the Boogie Bots but in the end, they are usurping democracy. On a really small scale but still.
Should the Boogie Bots have still been on the show over Supreme Soul? Fuck no, Supreme Soul as a dance crew is overall better. However, that isn’t how the people voted so kiss my balls, judges. Voting “right” means voting the way you WANT us to vote and then it isn’t a real fan-driven show, is it? In short, I am saying that this season has been the most force fed season ever. EVER. They are shoving Super Cr3w down our throats and guess what? When you force someone down the throats of people without letting them get to know them, you end up with a Randy Orton or The Rock had in the WWE where the fans turned on them because they are being told “You better like these people! We think they are great!” which is NOT TRUE VOTING. I am an adult and I know what I like. I don’t want my vote overturned by a crew of shadowy individuals. Wait….sounds like real government.
In the end, the Boogie Bots were inadequate against the remaining competition but if that’s who people liked, then that is that. I am watching the replay now and I want to see if the judges were as harsh as I heard but either way it isn’t their job to rip people because THEY don’t like them. Their job is to critique. God….they weren’t this shitty last year. As for voting right, weren’t they the ones that send home Distortion X over Fanny Pak? FUCK THE JUDGES. They have been (Oddly enough, except for JC Chasez) disrespectful and shown such gross favoritism that they almost turned me against some crews. Either way, I am out. Countdown will be up in a bit.
(WHOA....just heard what Lil' Mama and Shane Sparks said and um....it was right but at the same time. However, it's obvious who they like and don't so it is what it is.)
Chachi Out.
Secondly, I heard the reports on the message boards that the judges were very rude to the Boogie Bots about their performance and they have been heavy handed cockmongers about voting for who THEY like. You see, understand one thing right here and now Shane, JC and you worthless bitch Lil Mama: we have something called democracy when we vote. Put the vote clickers (Who stuff the ballot box electronically) and uber-fans aside, we chose WHO WE WANT as a crew on this show. It is AMERICA’S Best Dance Crew, not “Who The Judges Feel Is Exciting” Dance Crew. You pretty much fuck with the votes anyway because your choice in the bottom two isn’t nescessarily who the people voted for so you could be saving someone who America REALLY wanted to be off the show. Congratulation, you are the electoral fuckwit college of ABDC. Now all of you will be on my ass saying how I was all for Super Cr3w anyway and I shouldn’t care about what they said or did to the Boogie Bots but in the end, they are usurping democracy. On a really small scale but still.
Should the Boogie Bots have still been on the show over Supreme Soul? Fuck no, Supreme Soul as a dance crew is overall better. However, that isn’t how the people voted so kiss my balls, judges. Voting “right” means voting the way you WANT us to vote and then it isn’t a real fan-driven show, is it? In short, I am saying that this season has been the most force fed season ever. EVER. They are shoving Super Cr3w down our throats and guess what? When you force someone down the throats of people without letting them get to know them, you end up with a Randy Orton or The Rock had in the WWE where the fans turned on them because they are being told “You better like these people! We think they are great!” which is NOT TRUE VOTING. I am an adult and I know what I like. I don’t want my vote overturned by a crew of shadowy individuals. Wait….sounds like real government.
In the end, the Boogie Bots were inadequate against the remaining competition but if that’s who people liked, then that is that. I am watching the replay now and I want to see if the judges were as harsh as I heard but either way it isn’t their job to rip people because THEY don’t like them. Their job is to critique. God….they weren’t this shitty last year. As for voting right, weren’t they the ones that send home Distortion X over Fanny Pak? FUCK THE JUDGES. They have been (Oddly enough, except for JC Chasez) disrespectful and shown such gross favoritism that they almost turned me against some crews. Either way, I am out. Countdown will be up in a bit.
(WHOA....just heard what Lil' Mama and Shane Sparks said and um....it was right but at the same time. However, it's obvious who they like and don't so it is what it is.)
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
ROad Rage: Making Me Want To Steal A Tank Since 2000.
What is up, peeps? First off, LONG ASS DAY as I keep forgetting just how far away Boulder is from reality. It explains all the damn hippies, know that much. Tomorrow is even WORSE and Friday I have to pick Griff and Alyse up from the airport at 8:30 IN THE MOTHER FUCKING MORINING because Griff neglected to tell me he let his wife get the tickets. You see, this is why women should never be allowed to do anything. Ever. You know, women are just like the A-bomb? Everyone is having a good time and they come and mess it up. But I digress.
So one thing I have noticed is that I am a HIGHLY aggressive driver. But that is only because we are filled with a bunch of pussyfooting assholes behind the wheel in about….70% of the cars on the road. I mean seriously there is no reason EVER when there is no snow, rain or dead bodies on the ground to go below the posted speed limit. NEVER EVER! What makes it worse is that I am racist for topical and social humor but whenever I have to pass someone for going 60 in a 75….it is an Asian, an old person, a woman, some fuckwit on their phone or an old Asian female fuckwit talking on the phone in which I just go fucking ballistic. I understand that there are different speeds at which people feel comfortable but if your ass can’t handle the speed limit then go simple and go easy…go fucking Greyhound. I should NOT have to stop from going 80mph to 65mph on the highway EVER if there is no one ahead of you. I should seriously be able to shoot out your fucking tires because if you can’t follow the simple flow of traffic (Since everyone probably already passed you up in rage but decided not to kill you) they you really have no service to society. Take your car and veer into a ravine because all you are doing is taking up gas for people that really know what the fuck they are doing behind a god damn wheel.
Oh, and while I am on the subject of driving: DO NOT STOP TO LOOK AT A FUCKING ACCIDENT. Seriously, there is no need for you to stare at a stalled car or a fender bender because all you are doing is holding up traffic. I swear, I-25 is three lanes. If they block off one and give you a full two miles of warning then there should be NO SLOWDOWN. Yet I was backed up from the Briargate exit. What the fuck? Then I get to the accident and people are LITERALLY BRAKING to look and then taking off as it magically turns back into three lanes. You see, these are the people that we could do without. A spiked turtle shell would fuck up their shit something proper:
So with that being said, since I cant beat the shit out of people on the road that deserve it, I am reposting my….
Chachi's Rules of the Mario Kart Road!
1. Ramps that can only be cleared by going the speed limit: Between those ramps? Pipe Monsters. The big ones, not those baby ones from the first three Marios. Swallow your car whole like Gina Lynn. Kids, don't look that up. Dudes, she's a champ. Check her out.
2. Randomly placed chain chomps: C'mon, that would kick ten parts of ass. And much like in the jungle and zombie movies, the slow one gets eaten.
3. Automatic Blue Turtle Shells to cars forced to slowdown more than 10mph within 3 seconds: The rewards those that want to win. I hate slowing down because the Stevie Nicks listening freak in front of me is cruising. This is the great equalizer.
4. Power Ups for Aggressive Driving: Like style points in Need For Speed, you get mushrooms, 'naner peels and turtle shells by offensive driving (passing, drifting, etc.). This rewards getting the hell out of my way. Also, you get power ups for hopping through corners. Griff taught me that trick, big ups.
5. Invincibilty Stars! When you get the star and hit a jump, it goes all Burnout style and you clear MEGA distance. I'm talking 20 miles. Also, when you hit a car while invincible, you get their power ups and gas. Those gas prices are creeping up again.
Those are just a few of what a Mario Kart world would offer us. We can only dream.
Well, I am out for now. There may not be a post tomorrow as I have to get up early and go to BED early because Griff is the worst friend ever. Fuck yo couch, nigga:
And I am out. Check out the archives, fool!
Chachi Out
So one thing I have noticed is that I am a HIGHLY aggressive driver. But that is only because we are filled with a bunch of pussyfooting assholes behind the wheel in about….70% of the cars on the road. I mean seriously there is no reason EVER when there is no snow, rain or dead bodies on the ground to go below the posted speed limit. NEVER EVER! What makes it worse is that I am racist for topical and social humor but whenever I have to pass someone for going 60 in a 75….it is an Asian, an old person, a woman, some fuckwit on their phone or an old Asian female fuckwit talking on the phone in which I just go fucking ballistic. I understand that there are different speeds at which people feel comfortable but if your ass can’t handle the speed limit then go simple and go easy…go fucking Greyhound. I should NOT have to stop from going 80mph to 65mph on the highway EVER if there is no one ahead of you. I should seriously be able to shoot out your fucking tires because if you can’t follow the simple flow of traffic (Since everyone probably already passed you up in rage but decided not to kill you) they you really have no service to society. Take your car and veer into a ravine because all you are doing is taking up gas for people that really know what the fuck they are doing behind a god damn wheel.
Oh, and while I am on the subject of driving: DO NOT STOP TO LOOK AT A FUCKING ACCIDENT. Seriously, there is no need for you to stare at a stalled car or a fender bender because all you are doing is holding up traffic. I swear, I-25 is three lanes. If they block off one and give you a full two miles of warning then there should be NO SLOWDOWN. Yet I was backed up from the Briargate exit. What the fuck? Then I get to the accident and people are LITERALLY BRAKING to look and then taking off as it magically turns back into three lanes. You see, these are the people that we could do without. A spiked turtle shell would fuck up their shit something proper:
So with that being said, since I cant beat the shit out of people on the road that deserve it, I am reposting my….
Chachi's Rules of the Mario Kart Road!
1. Ramps that can only be cleared by going the speed limit: Between those ramps? Pipe Monsters. The big ones, not those baby ones from the first three Marios. Swallow your car whole like Gina Lynn. Kids, don't look that up. Dudes, she's a champ. Check her out.
2. Randomly placed chain chomps: C'mon, that would kick ten parts of ass. And much like in the jungle and zombie movies, the slow one gets eaten.
3. Automatic Blue Turtle Shells to cars forced to slowdown more than 10mph within 3 seconds: The rewards those that want to win. I hate slowing down because the Stevie Nicks listening freak in front of me is cruising. This is the great equalizer.
4. Power Ups for Aggressive Driving: Like style points in Need For Speed, you get mushrooms, 'naner peels and turtle shells by offensive driving (passing, drifting, etc.). This rewards getting the hell out of my way. Also, you get power ups for hopping through corners. Griff taught me that trick, big ups.
5. Invincibilty Stars! When you get the star and hit a jump, it goes all Burnout style and you clear MEGA distance. I'm talking 20 miles. Also, when you hit a car while invincible, you get their power ups and gas. Those gas prices are creeping up again.
Those are just a few of what a Mario Kart world would offer us. We can only dream.
Well, I am out for now. There may not be a post tomorrow as I have to get up early and go to BED early because Griff is the worst friend ever. Fuck yo couch, nigga:
And I am out. Check out the archives, fool!
Chachi Out
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Handle With Care Part II: I Really Don't Give A Fuck Anymore.
What is up, peeps?! I am back once again for another blog update! You know I remember when I had that run of 26 straight posts from June thru July and I must say I was a lot happier then. Maybe doing this keeps me from losing my shit. So with that being said, there are some things on this blog that that I will admit I really was worried about posting on because it may offend people. Yes, sometimes I worry about offending the stupid. If you have been a reader at any point you know nothing is off limits for me and I will call bullshit on anything and everything that deserves it. From rape to sexual harassment to racism to chauvinism to pedophilia I do not back down when I have something to say and fuck the world if they can’t adjust. So with that being said, back in February of 2006, I had a post about Jason McElwain, the autistic high school basketball trainer that got a chance to play in the final minutes of a blowout basketball game and scored 20 points in three minutes and some change. Everyone talked about how it was such a great story that an autistic child got a chance to play in a high school game and even score. However, I looked at it logically and said that they put this kid in during an already won game and let him jack up shots like Allen Iverson on a Red Bull binge which is the epitome of unsportsmanlike conduct, never mind the fact he had an “ailment.” Yes, I put ailment in quotations. It was a great story but as usual people looked at it how they wanted to and discounted the point that it wasn’t fair to the other kids. I am sure they were fine with it because the little guy had autism and more power to him. However, has anyone ever asked the question…
JUST WHAT IS AUTISM?
You see, at the time my only dealing with Autism was in college as I knew a classmate whose daughter had autism and in one of my classes in which I was to be a teacher for the summer I asked to be paired with a student that I found out as I was working with him had autism as well. Long story short, “doctors” say autism is a brain disorder that makes it difficult is not impossible for some people to communicate with others. In essence, there are parts of the brain that don’t work together like Whites and Blacks and that causes problems in relating to other people so in most cases autistic children take solace in inanimate objects or creating tasks, sometimes even creating a repetitious procedure such as constantly counting objects or being meticulous with said tasks (I.E: Drawing, building, etc). Sounds simple, right?
Well, let’s look at this. Now in both cases that I saw, and I can only speak from personal experience of what I saw and interacted with, the children were non-responsive in the “normal” way to social stimuli. Now when I say normal, they never really interacted with other children and when they did it was either short bursts of speech or repetitive phrases. These are typical symptoms of autism but one thing I also noticed was that (And I am not trying to be mean, here) they never really made the effort. I don’t expect all kids to run into the middle of a room and start doing the Soulja Boy but I honestly don’t see how not being social can be considered a disorder. Now I know there are other symptoms that go along with autism and since the human brain has been and will always be a mystery I will never know how individuals’ brains respond to things. However….just because children don’t act a certain way to stimuli doesn’t make them stricken with a sickness. They might just know that kids are mean and adults are fucking stupid.
What gets me is how this has become the new ADD or ADHD. Now I for one had to work with kids with ADD and all I have to say is that some were truly troubled. To the point that they couldn’t sit still even when they were focused on a task. However, remember when you would see commercials and news reports about ADD and how it was an “epidemic that needed to be wiped out?” So kids left and right were given Ritalin and other “calming” drugs to keep your kids doped up so they looked like they had went to a party at Heath Ledger’s house (Damn, that’s fucked up) and that’s when people realized that even though there were SOME children that truly needed pills to focus, some kids just needed a pop in the motherfucking mouth and be told to do their fucking homework and calm the fuck down:
Now I will not go that far with autism because I can’t. Mainly because the symptoms ARE EVERYTHING UNDER THE FUCKING SUN. Remember that Chris Rock joke about legal drugs?
That is pretty much how it is: everything is a symptom. I want all of you to be honest with yourselves. How many of you had at least ONE of these traits in school:
• Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
• Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
• Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
• Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.
• Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk.
• Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
• Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
• Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.
• An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
• Preoccupation with certain topics. For example, older children and adults may be fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
• A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
• Stereotyped behaviors. These may include body rocking and hand flapping.
(From Healthwise)
Okay, seriously at least one of those EVERY ONE OF YOU displayed in school. If these were the ONLY symptoms to autism I would just take all the kids that have it, put those anti-social bastards in a room and play “Caramelldansen” until they danced the night away like we did last summer. Since they aren’t, I cannot typecast all cases of autism as just a case of kids not wanting to interact with others. It seems that there are some parents (Aint naming no names) that much like they used ADD and ADHD to explain why their children were worthless, unfocused little shits they are now using autism to explain why thsie kids don’t have standard social skills. You know, a lot of how your children with others is based off how you raise them and what you tell them. So if you don’t RAISE them and you don’t TELL them ways to address social situations they will shut in or handle it in their own way. Some are natural wallflowers and some will walk into a room and take that bitch over like Lil’ Jon. That is just the way children are. Now if they are that way because of a disability or an imbalance of chemicals then by all means they need treatment. Understand that some kids just don’t like people. Hell, I don’t like people and I’m fucking grown. Autism is almost literally the ADD of the new….last half of the decade. Don’t even get me started on Asperger’s Syndrome because….I may have to kill some people. I call it Asshaterexia.
In the end I don’t have it so I can’t say anything. I am not a professional doctor (douchebag douchebag cockmongering money-grubbing dickwad) or psychiatrist (UBER-douchebag cockmongering money-grubbing dickwad) but I can only speak on what I see and what is given. From what I can tell, autism is something that some people are truly afflicted with while others use it as an excuse for their children not wanting to interact with others or having stunted development. Just because they don’t want to play with other children doesn’t mean that they won’t make it in this fast paced society, it just means they don’t like kickball or have a lot of friends. That isn’t necessarily a sign of autism (Although it might be, I don’t know), it could just be that said child doesn’t know how to make friends or it could be that kids can be dicks and don’t want to play with them.
People say that autism is the fastest growing neurological disease in America and yet….they said the same thing about ADD about seven or eight years ago. Did they ever really cure that? Have we really gotten to the point where EVERYTHING is a disorder? I am a fat fuck, it is not a disease. It is because I eat too much and I don’t exercise enough. You know what I have to do? REVERSE THAT. Some would say I have a drinking problem (to which I would say FUCK YOU, FUCKY) but you know what I would do if I felt I had a problem? STOP DRINKING. Anyone noticed how all the syndromes that have come out over the last few years (Since the 90’s) don’t really have a remedy? Coincidence? I think not, people. Give people an reason to not accept difference and they will take it. An excuse is like reiatsu for people that are looking for something to explain why there is a problem. Not saying autism is the case, but a lot of times it sounds like it in my honest opinion.
Well, that is all for now. I will be back for a bit tomorrow (MAYBE) so until then stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
JUST WHAT IS AUTISM?
You see, at the time my only dealing with Autism was in college as I knew a classmate whose daughter had autism and in one of my classes in which I was to be a teacher for the summer I asked to be paired with a student that I found out as I was working with him had autism as well. Long story short, “doctors” say autism is a brain disorder that makes it difficult is not impossible for some people to communicate with others. In essence, there are parts of the brain that don’t work together like Whites and Blacks and that causes problems in relating to other people so in most cases autistic children take solace in inanimate objects or creating tasks, sometimes even creating a repetitious procedure such as constantly counting objects or being meticulous with said tasks (I.E: Drawing, building, etc). Sounds simple, right?
Well, let’s look at this. Now in both cases that I saw, and I can only speak from personal experience of what I saw and interacted with, the children were non-responsive in the “normal” way to social stimuli. Now when I say normal, they never really interacted with other children and when they did it was either short bursts of speech or repetitive phrases. These are typical symptoms of autism but one thing I also noticed was that (And I am not trying to be mean, here) they never really made the effort. I don’t expect all kids to run into the middle of a room and start doing the Soulja Boy but I honestly don’t see how not being social can be considered a disorder. Now I know there are other symptoms that go along with autism and since the human brain has been and will always be a mystery I will never know how individuals’ brains respond to things. However….just because children don’t act a certain way to stimuli doesn’t make them stricken with a sickness. They might just know that kids are mean and adults are fucking stupid.
What gets me is how this has become the new ADD or ADHD. Now I for one had to work with kids with ADD and all I have to say is that some were truly troubled. To the point that they couldn’t sit still even when they were focused on a task. However, remember when you would see commercials and news reports about ADD and how it was an “epidemic that needed to be wiped out?” So kids left and right were given Ritalin and other “calming” drugs to keep your kids doped up so they looked like they had went to a party at Heath Ledger’s house (Damn, that’s fucked up) and that’s when people realized that even though there were SOME children that truly needed pills to focus, some kids just needed a pop in the motherfucking mouth and be told to do their fucking homework and calm the fuck down:
Now I will not go that far with autism because I can’t. Mainly because the symptoms ARE EVERYTHING UNDER THE FUCKING SUN. Remember that Chris Rock joke about legal drugs?
That is pretty much how it is: everything is a symptom. I want all of you to be honest with yourselves. How many of you had at least ONE of these traits in school:
• Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
• Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
• Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
• Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.
• Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk.
• Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
• Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
• Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.
• An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
• Preoccupation with certain topics. For example, older children and adults may be fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
• A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
• Stereotyped behaviors. These may include body rocking and hand flapping.
(From Healthwise)
Okay, seriously at least one of those EVERY ONE OF YOU displayed in school. If these were the ONLY symptoms to autism I would just take all the kids that have it, put those anti-social bastards in a room and play “Caramelldansen” until they danced the night away like we did last summer. Since they aren’t, I cannot typecast all cases of autism as just a case of kids not wanting to interact with others. It seems that there are some parents (Aint naming no names) that much like they used ADD and ADHD to explain why their children were worthless, unfocused little shits they are now using autism to explain why thsie kids don’t have standard social skills. You know, a lot of how your children with others is based off how you raise them and what you tell them. So if you don’t RAISE them and you don’t TELL them ways to address social situations they will shut in or handle it in their own way. Some are natural wallflowers and some will walk into a room and take that bitch over like Lil’ Jon. That is just the way children are. Now if they are that way because of a disability or an imbalance of chemicals then by all means they need treatment. Understand that some kids just don’t like people. Hell, I don’t like people and I’m fucking grown. Autism is almost literally the ADD of the new….last half of the decade. Don’t even get me started on Asperger’s Syndrome because….I may have to kill some people. I call it Asshaterexia.
In the end I don’t have it so I can’t say anything. I am not a professional doctor (douchebag douchebag cockmongering money-grubbing dickwad) or psychiatrist (UBER-douchebag cockmongering money-grubbing dickwad) but I can only speak on what I see and what is given. From what I can tell, autism is something that some people are truly afflicted with while others use it as an excuse for their children not wanting to interact with others or having stunted development. Just because they don’t want to play with other children doesn’t mean that they won’t make it in this fast paced society, it just means they don’t like kickball or have a lot of friends. That isn’t necessarily a sign of autism (Although it might be, I don’t know), it could just be that said child doesn’t know how to make friends or it could be that kids can be dicks and don’t want to play with them.
People say that autism is the fastest growing neurological disease in America and yet….they said the same thing about ADD about seven or eight years ago. Did they ever really cure that? Have we really gotten to the point where EVERYTHING is a disorder? I am a fat fuck, it is not a disease. It is because I eat too much and I don’t exercise enough. You know what I have to do? REVERSE THAT. Some would say I have a drinking problem (to which I would say FUCK YOU, FUCKY) but you know what I would do if I felt I had a problem? STOP DRINKING. Anyone noticed how all the syndromes that have come out over the last few years (Since the 90’s) don’t really have a remedy? Coincidence? I think not, people. Give people an reason to not accept difference and they will take it. An excuse is like reiatsu for people that are looking for something to explain why there is a problem. Not saying autism is the case, but a lot of times it sounds like it in my honest opinion.
Well, that is all for now. I will be back for a bit tomorrow (MAYBE) so until then stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
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