What is up, peeps?! It is the middle of the week meaning its an unseasonably cold Wednesday! Time for some videogame news! As you may have heard, Sony dropped the price of the PlayStation 3 down $100 to $499 just in time for the fall rush and ahead of the Christmas rush. Now as one that called the forced price drop (I said September in an earlier post last year) I am not impressed. Now had they made this drop right when the Wii started selling like gangbusters (January, Feburary) this would have had more of an impact. Rather than the desperation of now (they are well behind the Wii and the X-Box 360 is ahead and will gain on the Wii after the FFXIII, MGS4 and Devil May Cry 4 non-exclusives become official) it would have been seen as a “oh no you didn’t!” move. Like in boxing when a lesser challenger gets in a good shot in the jaw and then is whooped to high heaven by the upset champ. Instead this move reeks of “we have to do SOMETHING!”
Now onto something else. I am one of many people that did not watch the MLB All-Star Game last night (I’m sure I was watching like…CSPAN or something) featuring odds are the last time I would see Barry Bonds in an All-Star game. Now I was a huge baseball fan from about 1984 until…1998 when the Braves lost their third World Series and I just gave up. However, I have become irritated with this whole Barry Bonds breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record business. Fans, purists, pundits, players, owners and historians are complaining about how Bonds “cheated” to get this many home runs. Well, although nothing has been officially proven (although where there is smoke there is fire) about Barry using any illegal substances, people are all over this. First off, as for the race issue. All I will say is that no one was saying shit when Mark McGwire broke the single season mark the first time. Race may not be a factor for some, but I am just saying. That man looks more like he was using enhancers (which he has actually admitted to) than Barry Bonds does.
Secondly, people want to blame Barry for using steroids or growth hormones. Well, you know what? He is a grown man; if he was using illegal substances (At the time, I cannot stress this enough) then he should be vilified and his records should have a mark next to them or something I guess. The simple fact is that if the fans, owners and yes even other players want to blame someone…
Blame yourselves.
The fans sat back and watched while mediocre players hit 50 home runs, a number that is outlandish at best. The players sat back as their teammates got bigger and bigger, obviously not under there own physical prowess. Owners sat back and let these players use enhancements to uneven the playing field, all while watching attendance records shatter and TV revenues soar. There are about 4 years of baseball (This is a guess, I will say from 1996-2000 but it may be more) that are unaccounted for in terms of the rampant use of performance enhancers. Fans loved the action, players loved the winning and owners loved the money. No one ever took to task the players that were in some cases OBVIOUSLY cheating. I remember looking at Big Mac, Sammy Sosa, Ken Camineti (who has passed away), Ryan Klesko, Gary Sheffield and others and seeing their numbers and how much they exploded…as did their bodies. People saw this and did and said NOTHING. I just stopped being a fan of the game. By fans, players and owners remaining silent you may have just tarnished the game.
You know, I have always been a huge wrestling fan and I remember the steroid scandal in the early and mid-90’s. After a while, I as a fan (and I am happy to say many others) got sick of The Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, Rick Rude (who has since passed), Warlord and other just obviously enhanced physiques. It was slowing down the action (I will admit, Hogan vs. Warrior at Wrestlemania VI had its drama, albeit plodding) and really just getting old. Not only that, it caused a drop in popularity in the (then) WWF that started the Monday Night Wars, the pushing of smaller superstars (Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Mr. Perfect, Steve Austin) and a change in wrestling. Enhanced bodies were out, actual entertainment was in. THIS IS WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN BASEBALL. As soon as the game became a home run derby every afternoon, fans should have demanded a change. You know what? We didn’t. We Just like the commercial said, chicks dig the long ball.
This was a joke, but it was very telling. Baseball lost the aspect of it being a sport of strategy. It was just a show of power. Yes it was entertaining, but in the long run what do you have? A multitude of players annihilating the record books and we don’t know if they were using their skill or the pill (or the needle) to get there. It is very sad if you are a fan. So the next time you complain about Barry Bonds “cheating” remember this: you had a chance to stop it by not watching. The NBA is cleaning up its image due to people tired of the stupidity, same with the NFL. You can not like Barry Bonds for being a prick (Which is my main issue with him. Then again, Ty Cobb was a notorious racist that reportedly stabbed a black man for holding an elevator door for him but people love that cock sucker) but if you hate him for cheating…maybe you should see whether you were all for the long ball 10 years ago. If you were; thems the breaks.
That was REALLY bugging me. Well, I will be back on Friday for the Top 20 Video Countdown and I may also see Harry Potter tonight (definitely will go tomorrow if I don’t go today). Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
You Saw It Here First: "Skeet" Will Be In The Dictionary By 2010.
Well, you knew after "bling" that the American vocabulary was fair game. Now it is official:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070710/ap_on_re_us/dictionary_s_new_words
"Crunk" is in the dictionary. I would like to thank Lil' Jon (Along with Sam and Bo from the Eastside Boyz. Yeah...is spells "Sam-"bo"), Pastor Troy, Youngbloodz and Pitbull for making this all possible. Special thanks to Dave Chappelle. I'm sure when my mother and uncle got sprayed with hoses in Chicago and my dad got chased by dogs in Tennessee, this is what they got all those ass-whoopin's for.
Let's work on "ballin" for 2008!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070710/ap_on_re_us/dictionary_s_new_words
"Crunk" is in the dictionary. I would like to thank Lil' Jon (Along with Sam and Bo from the Eastside Boyz. Yeah...is spells "Sam-"bo"), Pastor Troy, Youngbloodz and Pitbull for making this all possible. Special thanks to Dave Chappelle. I'm sure when my mother and uncle got sprayed with hoses in Chicago and my dad got chased by dogs in Tennessee, this is what they got all those ass-whoopin's for.
Let's work on "ballin" for 2008!
Free Stuff, Worship and Race-Mixing? Sounds Like Tuesday To Me!
What is up, fishes? Man, it has been a very awkward week. All one day of it. First things first; I Poppa freaks all the honeys. Beat you to it, Griff! Anyway, I have finally got my computer how I want it (I was going to put a floppy drive in it, but I haven’t used a floppy since…2002? 2001?) and that means I have a surplus of parts that I can’t use because they are too old, although some of them I got last-fucking-year. God, I hate technology. So due to that, there are some parts that I will be getting rid of. Here is a list of some (Not all, there are others I need to make sure that still work) of the items I cannot use anymore:
Two (2) 300GB IDE/ATA Hard Drives
One (1) Dual Layer DVD Burner (+/-)/CD Burner Combo Drive
One (1) 48X CDRW Drive
One (1) 256MB ATI Video Card (Which may or may not work. Had blue spots on the screen one day so I changed it out. You fix, it’s yours.
Not much, but it is a pretty good haul.
So I was watching “The Price of Atheism” on http://www.milkandcookies.com/ and I must say that first off all religion is stupid. ALL OF IT. There, I said it. Most of my friends believe in…stuff (Griff is a Muslim, Zach is a gun-wielding Buddhist, Nolan and Nick are Mormon, Rick is a Snake Handler, I think Jen is Catholic which explains a hell of a lot) and although I respect your choice to believe in a God that has yet to be proven to be, we all know why religion exists:
To Keep People In Line: Let’s not forget, people in the past (like…1973) were one hot day away from fucking goats and drinking kittens blood. Hell, some did. The books of faith were created to have something to keep people from marrying lemurs and throwing feces at each other.
Money: The only thing that makes more money that Microsoft and Pokemon is religion. Anyone ever noticed how most church GOERS are poor while most church OWNERS are ballin out of control? Look at Bishop Don Juan! He is a damn BISHOP! That’s like a card carrying member of the Catholic gods’ entourage! And we all know you can find G-O-D in the back of the C-L-U-B.
To Justify Being A Fucktard: Muslims blowing shit up in the name of Allah? Supposedly a divine right and justified action against non-believers. Crusades? God’s way to make sure everyone is part of his dumbass Christian kingdom and to sword-serve those that ain’t down with the big J-C. No one knows what Buddha does because…well Buddhist don’t cause no trouble because they just want to do the Super Bowl Shuffle. Doesn’t make them any less lame. Simple fact is that as long as you have people dumb enough to believe, you can justify your actions by saying the invisible guy upstairs (no matter what his name is) says you should do it.
People Are Stupid: You know it, I know it and cats know it. The simple fact is…humans want to believe in something to explain what they cannot understand. From the days when people feared the rain to global warming now. If someone just says “God did it!” then people can just go back to their business knowing that it has been explained. When it really HASN’T because no one can prove the existence of their “God” over another.
You know, how come no one worships something that they see all the time? No one has SEEN God. But they let people do the dumbest shit in its name. If I were into religion (Which I am not anymore, after Griff wouldn’t let me into the Muslims. Three years and I am still an undrafted free agent) you know what I would worship? The moon.
Hell, it makes more sense than any other religion AND the Mooninites have the Quad-laser! I’m just saying, if Jesus had a Quad-laser and moon-aided jumping ability…maybe he could have taken down the Romans. I’m just saying.
Last thing. Interracial dating:
Now THIS is hilarious. All I can say is this. If the race of who you date is important to you, that’s cool. There is nothing racist about a white woman that will only date a white man just as much as there is nothing racist about a black woman that only wants to date black men. Like I said before about being shallow, it is your choice to discriminate and be picky about who you will date. The fact is that you could be missing out. On another note, I am sick of people (Black women is who I hear this from the most but everyone does) who sincerely think that because one person fucked you over that all of that race are bad.
As many of you know, I was in the Black Student Union at UCCS. Several of the Black woman told me theythought that “Brothas aint shit!” yet got mad when these same brothas (That aint shit) dated a white woman (Including yours truly, who wasnt DATING a white girl.I just got seen in public with one and got damn near assaulted. I'll tell you the story sometime). Well tough shit. Maybe it is you. Hell, I know I am single because I am an asshole and manic depressive (not a good combination). I used to think it was 80% me being crazy and 20% women being stupid but I accepted that I am just a fucking nutcase and it is 100% me. So even if every woman who I have tried to date was confused, crazy, vindictive or spread herself around like strawberry preserves (Which they have been, sans two and that was my own damn fault for fucking that up. One was fricking Puerto Rican! You cant get any hotter than that!) I couldn’t blame them because I have issues myself. No one is perfect, no matter the race.
If you have a preference in race, I believe it should be respected. That’s just me; I honestly don’t care anymore because everyone has their issues. You find someone that fits you, and if that person happens to be your preference then that’s great. If they fit you but they aren’t your preferred race and you say the nay no, that is fine. Just don’t complain when they find someone outside of their race that makes them happy. That goes to all of you. Quite simply, it aint none of your business. Take it home, Carlton!
Although…Stevie is BLIND, so how would he know what race a woman is truly? I kid, I kid. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Two (2) 300GB IDE/ATA Hard Drives
One (1) Dual Layer DVD Burner (+/-)/CD Burner Combo Drive
One (1) 48X CDRW Drive
One (1) 256MB ATI Video Card (Which may or may not work. Had blue spots on the screen one day so I changed it out. You fix, it’s yours.
Not much, but it is a pretty good haul.
So I was watching “The Price of Atheism” on http://www.milkandcookies.com/ and I must say that first off all religion is stupid. ALL OF IT. There, I said it. Most of my friends believe in…stuff (Griff is a Muslim, Zach is a gun-wielding Buddhist, Nolan and Nick are Mormon, Rick is a Snake Handler, I think Jen is Catholic which explains a hell of a lot) and although I respect your choice to believe in a God that has yet to be proven to be, we all know why religion exists:
To Keep People In Line: Let’s not forget, people in the past (like…1973) were one hot day away from fucking goats and drinking kittens blood. Hell, some did. The books of faith were created to have something to keep people from marrying lemurs and throwing feces at each other.
Money: The only thing that makes more money that Microsoft and Pokemon is religion. Anyone ever noticed how most church GOERS are poor while most church OWNERS are ballin out of control? Look at Bishop Don Juan! He is a damn BISHOP! That’s like a card carrying member of the Catholic gods’ entourage! And we all know you can find G-O-D in the back of the C-L-U-B.
To Justify Being A Fucktard: Muslims blowing shit up in the name of Allah? Supposedly a divine right and justified action against non-believers. Crusades? God’s way to make sure everyone is part of his dumbass Christian kingdom and to sword-serve those that ain’t down with the big J-C. No one knows what Buddha does because…well Buddhist don’t cause no trouble because they just want to do the Super Bowl Shuffle. Doesn’t make them any less lame. Simple fact is that as long as you have people dumb enough to believe, you can justify your actions by saying the invisible guy upstairs (no matter what his name is) says you should do it.
People Are Stupid: You know it, I know it and cats know it. The simple fact is…humans want to believe in something to explain what they cannot understand. From the days when people feared the rain to global warming now. If someone just says “God did it!” then people can just go back to their business knowing that it has been explained. When it really HASN’T because no one can prove the existence of their “God” over another.
You know, how come no one worships something that they see all the time? No one has SEEN God. But they let people do the dumbest shit in its name. If I were into religion (Which I am not anymore, after Griff wouldn’t let me into the Muslims. Three years and I am still an undrafted free agent) you know what I would worship? The moon.
Hell, it makes more sense than any other religion AND the Mooninites have the Quad-laser! I’m just saying, if Jesus had a Quad-laser and moon-aided jumping ability…maybe he could have taken down the Romans. I’m just saying.
Last thing. Interracial dating:
Now THIS is hilarious. All I can say is this. If the race of who you date is important to you, that’s cool. There is nothing racist about a white woman that will only date a white man just as much as there is nothing racist about a black woman that only wants to date black men. Like I said before about being shallow, it is your choice to discriminate and be picky about who you will date. The fact is that you could be missing out. On another note, I am sick of people (Black women is who I hear this from the most but everyone does) who sincerely think that because one person fucked you over that all of that race are bad.
As many of you know, I was in the Black Student Union at UCCS. Several of the Black woman told me theythought that “Brothas aint shit!” yet got mad when these same brothas (That aint shit) dated a white woman (Including yours truly, who wasnt DATING a white girl.I just got seen in public with one and got damn near assaulted. I'll tell you the story sometime). Well tough shit. Maybe it is you. Hell, I know I am single because I am an asshole and manic depressive (not a good combination). I used to think it was 80% me being crazy and 20% women being stupid but I accepted that I am just a fucking nutcase and it is 100% me. So even if every woman who I have tried to date was confused, crazy, vindictive or spread herself around like strawberry preserves (Which they have been, sans two and that was my own damn fault for fucking that up. One was fricking Puerto Rican! You cant get any hotter than that!) I couldn’t blame them because I have issues myself. No one is perfect, no matter the race.
If you have a preference in race, I believe it should be respected. That’s just me; I honestly don’t care anymore because everyone has their issues. You find someone that fits you, and if that person happens to be your preference then that’s great. If they fit you but they aren’t your preferred race and you say the nay no, that is fine. Just don’t complain when they find someone outside of their race that makes them happy. That goes to all of you. Quite simply, it aint none of your business. Take it home, Carlton!
Although…Stevie is BLIND, so how would he know what race a woman is truly? I kid, I kid. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Monday, July 09, 2007
High School and Old School.
What is up peeps! We have now officially entered the dog days of summer with only “Hairspray” (Zac Efron is a hawtie batottie!), “The Simpsons” and “Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix” (Which I think I am going to see Wednesday night if anyone is interested in tagging along) coming out in July. Although everything is a downer after
“Transformers” and “Live Free or Die Hard” but still.
So I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I am getting old. My ten year high school reunion is coming up next year (that’s going to suck balls) and I really need to find a job that sends me to fucking Norway or something because I really don’t have the want or need to relive high school, albeit for one shitty night. The ONLY good thing about high school is that it ended for about six months or so because once I got into the workplace I realized that corporate America is just high school with company accepted smoke breaks and “workforce reductions”. It’s bad enough that I have to sit back and look at the fucktards that walk around with their headset on…when they aren’t on the phone (How fucking pretentious is that? I’m so on the go, I can’t leave my work at my desk! It doesn’t make you look cool, you look like a rejected member of O-Town, you assclown), but the last thing I need is to see the stereotypical high school a-holes grown up Milk ad style (big ups to those that remember the old school “when I get older” milk ads!) as I zone out to Abingdon Boys School (my only solace in the hellhole that is The Pack). Hell, the usual gang if idiots are still here:
Jocks: Fantasy Football Buffs
WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!! Ahh…priceless. Now I likes me some fantasy football but I don’t live vicariously through my picks or say “Dude, I played three years of JV football, I think I know that Randy Moss is going to have a breakout year! Oh, and these are the guys that are always WAAAAAY to into company outings. Spiking the volleyball on a little kid, spearing the guy in the wheelchair. You’ve seen them. Like Uncle Rico from “Napoleon Dynamite” without the personality.
Cheerleader: Dumb Pretty Girl.
You have seen her. Sure she is hot (Or as Zach would say “Best Buy Hot” meaning she is hot compared to her shrew-like competition) but she also as dumb as a box of flathead screwdrivers. Usually has big-boobs and blond but can’t speak without ending her sentances like a question and is obviously there because she has two Cambodian midgets in her shirt. That usually are bought by her boyfriend/fiancé that is in middle management and got her the job anyway. The sad part is that she (usually) is a nice person but has the depth of a Chipotle burrito bowl and is respected just as much. But she is pretty, so she gets away with murder. Sometimes literally.
Nerds: IT guys.
Yeah, I know I am almost there but the problem is…they haven’t changed. They still wear the same “Linux Inside” t-shirts and always talk about how much better open-source is and blah blah blah yakkity smackity. They don’t bathe and can only relate to other IT nerds, just like the D&D nerds in high school/college. What is worse is that I am most like them over anyone else so sadly we talk which brings my already low point total DOWN TO THE GROUND FLOOR.
Slutty Chicks: Still Slutty Chicks.
This is mean, but you know what I noticed? If a female is a slut in high school that does the “extra effort” to get that B+ instead of an F, she usually is the office slut that puts in a little “overtime” to get that job or that slight raise. Not that there is anything wrong with that (If I was hot enough and I had a female boss, I’d show a little bit of “company loyalty” if you know what I mean. And I mean sex) but it is what it is. Sooner or later, you can’t get any higher by lifting your skirt higher. Much like the cheerleader, they can sometimes be nice people (Hell, I knew two in college and they were awesome. Problem was that their English and Biology teachers thought they were “awesome” too) just not sure how to get ahead any other way. Like actually having knowledge and talent not related to cupping balls. Well you get in where you fit in. Heh, unintentional.
Bros: Bros.
I get mad a lot at work, but unless it is related to me not getting jobs for no reason (another rant altogether) I usually let things that bug me at work slide because the workplace can suck it dry. However, the influx of bros at work is really beginning to cause a problem. Mainly because now they are “brazenly bro.” You can’t se thugs wear do-rags, long chains and Timbs in corporate American locations but bros can flip their collars up, wear their sandals & shorts (which is SO business casual) and say “shaaaa!” to customers (no shit, I heard it in my two days at T-Mobile). I swear, if I have to hear another jeep blare “Ants Marching” (I really thought DMB was a stereotype. It’s fucking true) while bros go over and “bro out” while playing Frisbee golf which is the GAYEST GAME IN GAYVILLE, I will have to kill someone. Bros belong in frat houses and keggers, not the workplace.
Mean Girls/Plastics: Uh…I Guess A Bitch (Not a fan of the word).
Yeah, I went there. You can ask Kimmy about me and the first thing they will say is “asshole” and to that I have to say…yeah. However, I know that life is not a battlefield. Love; most definitely. But you cannot be pissed off all the damn time (I’m in the 75% range now. I have mellowed out a lot). I never understand how anyone at a workplace can say “I am better than you” when you are doing the EXACT SAME JOB. You aren’t better than anyone, you are their fucking peer. For no apparent reason, there is some workplace cattiness with women that causes them to become totally evil to each other. Just like in high school when rumors were spread about a girl just because a clique didn’t like her. You know what ladies? The shit doesn’t change and I don’t know why. Rumors still fly, except when you get older it gets worse because money and careers are involved. I don’t start rumors about bros, I just ignore them or diss them to their face (Like Nolan, Zach and I did in the elevator at D&B on Saturday. They got bro served, but not in the way they wanted). I swear, high school really never ends because women were the exact same in high school if I remember correctly (and college to a certain extent).
Preppy Rich Boys: The OC Crew.
Now these guys are an interesting breed. At first glance, they look like the evolution of bros. However, bros can’t reproduce with all the raping going on so that’s not possible. These guys are the ones that their dads are executives for the company (Or so TOTALLY own a dealership and will hook you up) and got them in at a middle level early. They ride that train to upper-lower-upper-middle management (The dream of anyone at a corporation) and all of a sudden are the second coming of George Clooney. Remember that dude in high school whose parents bought them a car while they were sophomores and they totally threw the biggest party of the summer than you weren’t invited to? Well he grew up, OC style. Now the fucktard is your supervisor because he skimmed through three management books and his parents hooked him up. Not complaining because a large percentage of people are in their job because of a hook-up. Even still, the OC Crew should not be allowed in the workplace.
And then you have the “Cogs” as I call them. If you don’t fit into one of these, you are in the grand scheme of things a cog. In high school, B students make the school work. They keep the test scores from being to low as the jocks and stupid people bring them down (Their grades also counteract the nerds high scores) and keep attendance up by showing up about 85% percent of the time. Without them, the school would go haywire because they are the pieces that make it a well oiled machine, even though the school never runs to their liking. Just like in the workplace. Employees that show up and do their job, only taking two weeks (or less in my case) of vacation and keeping the ship running make the workplace work. Not middle-management (Who do nothing but just get on the deck and say “Shits going fine!”), not the nerds (Who usually make more because “nearshored” nerds are more cost efficient), not the sluts or pretty people. Not even the bitches or bros, although they do make good lunchtime fun and afterwork drinking fodder. It is the people that no one pays attention to because they aren’t total a-holes. They have the personality and the leadership skills which means they are held down because if there is one thing that places with a predefined structure (high school, corporate workplace, Wal-Mart) HATE it is real leadership and personality. Much like intelligence is kryptonite for religion, true leadership destroys predefined structure because it is usually broken. That is that.
I am trying to find a good tennis video game. I have been playing Namco’s Smash Court Pro Tournament 2 for the PS2 because I haven’t really heard anything about Top Spin 2 or Virtua Tennis 3 for the X-Box360 (Although I played VT3 at Dave & Buster’s on Saturday and I still rock the box. Want to pick that up but I gots to save up). Smash Court 3 is out for the PSP, but I aint buying that thing for one game. I have no idea why I like tennis games so much, I guess it is the Pong in me. For anyone out there that plays any game like this (Where it is you against the computer, usually in sports, racing or fighting), why is there always ONE PLAYER/TEAM/FIGHTER you can’t beat without breaking a controller? In NCAA 2007 it was the Florida Gators (Understandable, I was Georgia so it fits). In the Tekken series, it was Ling Xiaoyu:
I DESPISE that her. In Smash Court Tennis 2, it is Kim Clijisters. I can defeat Serena Williams, Jennifer Capriati (Who used to be my nemesis) and Justine Henin with no problem. But when it comes to Kim, I just CANNOT WIN! It isn’t fair! I have won three straight Grand Slam titles and I can’t beat her?! Not just tourneys, GRAND SLAMS. Three straight Australian Opens, French Opens Wimbledon’s and three US Opens, not including the three I have won this year minus the US Open in which I CANT BEAT KIM CLIJISTERS IN THE QUARTERFINALS!
As a matter of fact, I have a record of 318-24 over seven years in the game (44-4 a year average, not too shabby IMHO). Keep in mind I have been undefeated the last three seasons, but of my 24 losses do you know how many are to Kim? Seven. Exactly one third of my losses are to her. Keep in mind that Capriati beat me I think nine times but that was in my first two years and I didn’t have a plan past “GO GET EM!” Even still, she constantly pushes to the brink of anger like no one else. She doesn’t do anything specifically well aside from…piss me off. She doesn’t overpower me, she doesn’t outrun me and she can’t serve for shit. So why is she the ONLY PLAYER that can handle the barrage that is my created character?! Don’t even get me started on Roger Federer. That dude shoved his racquet up my characters ass in the French Open final yesterday. I mean all the way up, his lungs say “Prince” and his kidneys say “Nike.” Yeah…he wedged his foot in there, too.
Well, it is time for lunch. I will try to be back this week at some point; odds are to rant about the Playstation 3’s price drop. About six months too late, mind you. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
“Transformers” and “Live Free or Die Hard” but still.
So I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I am getting old. My ten year high school reunion is coming up next year (that’s going to suck balls) and I really need to find a job that sends me to fucking Norway or something because I really don’t have the want or need to relive high school, albeit for one shitty night. The ONLY good thing about high school is that it ended for about six months or so because once I got into the workplace I realized that corporate America is just high school with company accepted smoke breaks and “workforce reductions”. It’s bad enough that I have to sit back and look at the fucktards that walk around with their headset on…when they aren’t on the phone (How fucking pretentious is that? I’m so on the go, I can’t leave my work at my desk! It doesn’t make you look cool, you look like a rejected member of O-Town, you assclown), but the last thing I need is to see the stereotypical high school a-holes grown up Milk ad style (big ups to those that remember the old school “when I get older” milk ads!) as I zone out to Abingdon Boys School (my only solace in the hellhole that is The Pack). Hell, the usual gang if idiots are still here:
Jocks: Fantasy Football Buffs
WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!! Ahh…priceless. Now I likes me some fantasy football but I don’t live vicariously through my picks or say “Dude, I played three years of JV football, I think I know that Randy Moss is going to have a breakout year! Oh, and these are the guys that are always WAAAAAY to into company outings. Spiking the volleyball on a little kid, spearing the guy in the wheelchair. You’ve seen them. Like Uncle Rico from “Napoleon Dynamite” without the personality.
Cheerleader: Dumb Pretty Girl.
You have seen her. Sure she is hot (Or as Zach would say “Best Buy Hot” meaning she is hot compared to her shrew-like competition) but she also as dumb as a box of flathead screwdrivers. Usually has big-boobs and blond but can’t speak without ending her sentances like a question and is obviously there because she has two Cambodian midgets in her shirt. That usually are bought by her boyfriend/fiancé that is in middle management and got her the job anyway. The sad part is that she (usually) is a nice person but has the depth of a Chipotle burrito bowl and is respected just as much. But she is pretty, so she gets away with murder. Sometimes literally.
Nerds: IT guys.
Yeah, I know I am almost there but the problem is…they haven’t changed. They still wear the same “Linux Inside” t-shirts and always talk about how much better open-source is and blah blah blah yakkity smackity. They don’t bathe and can only relate to other IT nerds, just like the D&D nerds in high school/college. What is worse is that I am most like them over anyone else so sadly we talk which brings my already low point total DOWN TO THE GROUND FLOOR.
Slutty Chicks: Still Slutty Chicks.
This is mean, but you know what I noticed? If a female is a slut in high school that does the “extra effort” to get that B+ instead of an F, she usually is the office slut that puts in a little “overtime” to get that job or that slight raise. Not that there is anything wrong with that (If I was hot enough and I had a female boss, I’d show a little bit of “company loyalty” if you know what I mean. And I mean sex) but it is what it is. Sooner or later, you can’t get any higher by lifting your skirt higher. Much like the cheerleader, they can sometimes be nice people (Hell, I knew two in college and they were awesome. Problem was that their English and Biology teachers thought they were “awesome” too) just not sure how to get ahead any other way. Like actually having knowledge and talent not related to cupping balls. Well you get in where you fit in. Heh, unintentional.
Bros: Bros.
I get mad a lot at work, but unless it is related to me not getting jobs for no reason (another rant altogether) I usually let things that bug me at work slide because the workplace can suck it dry. However, the influx of bros at work is really beginning to cause a problem. Mainly because now they are “brazenly bro.” You can’t se thugs wear do-rags, long chains and Timbs in corporate American locations but bros can flip their collars up, wear their sandals & shorts (which is SO business casual) and say “shaaaa!” to customers (no shit, I heard it in my two days at T-Mobile). I swear, if I have to hear another jeep blare “Ants Marching” (I really thought DMB was a stereotype. It’s fucking true) while bros go over and “bro out” while playing Frisbee golf which is the GAYEST GAME IN GAYVILLE, I will have to kill someone. Bros belong in frat houses and keggers, not the workplace.
Mean Girls/Plastics: Uh…I Guess A Bitch (Not a fan of the word).
Yeah, I went there. You can ask Kimmy about me and the first thing they will say is “asshole” and to that I have to say…yeah. However, I know that life is not a battlefield. Love; most definitely. But you cannot be pissed off all the damn time (I’m in the 75% range now. I have mellowed out a lot). I never understand how anyone at a workplace can say “I am better than you” when you are doing the EXACT SAME JOB. You aren’t better than anyone, you are their fucking peer. For no apparent reason, there is some workplace cattiness with women that causes them to become totally evil to each other. Just like in high school when rumors were spread about a girl just because a clique didn’t like her. You know what ladies? The shit doesn’t change and I don’t know why. Rumors still fly, except when you get older it gets worse because money and careers are involved. I don’t start rumors about bros, I just ignore them or diss them to their face (Like Nolan, Zach and I did in the elevator at D&B on Saturday. They got bro served, but not in the way they wanted). I swear, high school really never ends because women were the exact same in high school if I remember correctly (and college to a certain extent).
Preppy Rich Boys: The OC Crew.
Now these guys are an interesting breed. At first glance, they look like the evolution of bros. However, bros can’t reproduce with all the raping going on so that’s not possible. These guys are the ones that their dads are executives for the company (Or so TOTALLY own a dealership and will hook you up) and got them in at a middle level early. They ride that train to upper-lower-upper-middle management (The dream of anyone at a corporation) and all of a sudden are the second coming of George Clooney. Remember that dude in high school whose parents bought them a car while they were sophomores and they totally threw the biggest party of the summer than you weren’t invited to? Well he grew up, OC style. Now the fucktard is your supervisor because he skimmed through three management books and his parents hooked him up. Not complaining because a large percentage of people are in their job because of a hook-up. Even still, the OC Crew should not be allowed in the workplace.
And then you have the “Cogs” as I call them. If you don’t fit into one of these, you are in the grand scheme of things a cog. In high school, B students make the school work. They keep the test scores from being to low as the jocks and stupid people bring them down (Their grades also counteract the nerds high scores) and keep attendance up by showing up about 85% percent of the time. Without them, the school would go haywire because they are the pieces that make it a well oiled machine, even though the school never runs to their liking. Just like in the workplace. Employees that show up and do their job, only taking two weeks (or less in my case) of vacation and keeping the ship running make the workplace work. Not middle-management (Who do nothing but just get on the deck and say “Shits going fine!”), not the nerds (Who usually make more because “nearshored” nerds are more cost efficient), not the sluts or pretty people. Not even the bitches or bros, although they do make good lunchtime fun and afterwork drinking fodder. It is the people that no one pays attention to because they aren’t total a-holes. They have the personality and the leadership skills which means they are held down because if there is one thing that places with a predefined structure (high school, corporate workplace, Wal-Mart) HATE it is real leadership and personality. Much like intelligence is kryptonite for religion, true leadership destroys predefined structure because it is usually broken. That is that.
I am trying to find a good tennis video game. I have been playing Namco’s Smash Court Pro Tournament 2 for the PS2 because I haven’t really heard anything about Top Spin 2 or Virtua Tennis 3 for the X-Box360 (Although I played VT3 at Dave & Buster’s on Saturday and I still rock the box. Want to pick that up but I gots to save up). Smash Court 3 is out for the PSP, but I aint buying that thing for one game. I have no idea why I like tennis games so much, I guess it is the Pong in me. For anyone out there that plays any game like this (Where it is you against the computer, usually in sports, racing or fighting), why is there always ONE PLAYER/TEAM/FIGHTER you can’t beat without breaking a controller? In NCAA 2007 it was the Florida Gators (Understandable, I was Georgia so it fits). In the Tekken series, it was Ling Xiaoyu:
I DESPISE that her. In Smash Court Tennis 2, it is Kim Clijisters. I can defeat Serena Williams, Jennifer Capriati (Who used to be my nemesis) and Justine Henin with no problem. But when it comes to Kim, I just CANNOT WIN! It isn’t fair! I have won three straight Grand Slam titles and I can’t beat her?! Not just tourneys, GRAND SLAMS. Three straight Australian Opens, French Opens Wimbledon’s and three US Opens, not including the three I have won this year minus the US Open in which I CANT BEAT KIM CLIJISTERS IN THE QUARTERFINALS!
As a matter of fact, I have a record of 318-24 over seven years in the game (44-4 a year average, not too shabby IMHO). Keep in mind I have been undefeated the last three seasons, but of my 24 losses do you know how many are to Kim? Seven. Exactly one third of my losses are to her. Keep in mind that Capriati beat me I think nine times but that was in my first two years and I didn’t have a plan past “GO GET EM!” Even still, she constantly pushes to the brink of anger like no one else. She doesn’t do anything specifically well aside from…piss me off. She doesn’t overpower me, she doesn’t outrun me and she can’t serve for shit. So why is she the ONLY PLAYER that can handle the barrage that is my created character?! Don’t even get me started on Roger Federer. That dude shoved his racquet up my characters ass in the French Open final yesterday. I mean all the way up, his lungs say “Prince” and his kidneys say “Nike.” Yeah…he wedged his foot in there, too.
Well, it is time for lunch. I will try to be back this week at some point; odds are to rant about the Playstation 3’s price drop. About six months too late, mind you. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Can I Get A Hoo-Hah Friday?! Can I?
It’s Friday, people! That means I just got paid and so did Saturn and Sallie Mae! Which means I am now fucking broke. Work sucks; ride out this teenager gig as long as you can, Beth. Well, with Transformers come and gone it is time for the other big event of the week…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start of with a debut this week!
20. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (New Entry)
Welcome back to Kanye West! I have always been a fan (of most) of his music and although there are parts that annoy me about this song (Black Kate Moss? WHAT THE FUCK, ‘YE?!) it samples Daft Punk which is always good. Not only that, the video has nary a booty butt cheek (CRUNK!) which is good enough for me. This is Kanye’s third video on the Top 20 this year (Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far” and TERIYAKI BOYZ’s “I Used To Love H.E.R.) so he is making a push for Artist of the Year maybe?
19. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #9, Plunge of the Week)
DAAAAAAAMN! That is quite a fall! After coming so close to knocking off Maroon 5 a month ago, Rascal Flats falls a huge TEN SPOTS out of the Top 10 and almost off the countdown. Here is to hoping for a new video from them soon!
18. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #20)
Yeah, you know it. Where is the album, dammit?! Even still, I am all about this song and I also put it up as my MySpace profile song (at least until I can find a good copy of Hearts Grow’s “Himawari” or LM.C’s “Girls & Boys”) because it is teh rawk.
17. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #13, Four weeks at #1)
Another video that dominated the Countdown falls a few more spots. Has there been a new episode of Naruto: Shippuuden in the last two weeks that I have missed? Maybe I am off but it has been about 10 days or so. Hopefully a new opening and closing theme are coming seeing as how both made it to the Top 10 this year.
16. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 18)
AI slowly moves up this week with this frantic video. You know, AI reminds me a lot of Missy Elliott in her style. Her videos are no where near as blanking awesome (Music make you lose control!) but the song content is there. Here is to some album-age from her soon!
15. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #15)
After falling last week, Enrique is holding on to #15 for the second straight week. This video is cool and I am spacing on who the model is in the video but she is rather attractive. I must say…I would plunder that.
14. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #19)
This video makes a five place jump this week. Rightfully so, I have been playing this song non-stop and the video is on rotation as well. Just a whole bunch of kids hanging out and having fun. This is what teenagers music SHOULD be, not Lil’ Mama and her fucking “Lip Gloss.” I hate that song so fucking much. Luckily, this song rules so I will let it slide.
13. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #11, One week at #1)
Mmmm….Yuna Ito. It is a damn shame this video is falling. My love for you will never die, Yuna. Give me something new…with dancing! Oh, and you looking hella saucy.
12. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #14)
Gackt is creeping into the Top 10 with his first video ever on the Countdown. In J-rock news, Zach informed me that X (X Japan or Japan X as I thought they were called which is why I couldn’t find them in college. I’m kind of a retard) is getting back together! Minus their guitarist, of course but still. First L’Arc~en~Ciel and now this?! Give me some Malice Mizer and Mr. Big and I will be a happy camper!
11. Common – The People (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
Fuck yes. I just got the advance copy of “Finding Forever” and all I can say is that Common once again may have the best hip hop Album of the Year, if not the best altogether. I love this video: its simple and doesn’t take away from the song which is also killer. First time out and Common is knocking on the door of the Top 10!
10. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #6)
What looked like a promising summer for Orange Range is now looking squid-like. After making it to #2 and failing to take the top spot from Maroon 5, they guys fall 4 spots this week to #10. Hopefully a new single is coming from them soon, seeing as how they released an album not too long ago (Which wasn’t all the bad. Check it out if you are into j-pop/j-rock. “Champione” alone is worth the listen).
9. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #12)
Oh yeah. You know what I likes, and I likes the Foxxi. Their album “Gloss” reminds me a lot of some old SWV/Jade in the mid-90’s. Oh my god, does anyone remember Jade? Remember “I Wanna Love You Down”?! That was my juh-am! Oh snap!
8. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #10)
Reggaeton stand up! Puerto Rico stand up! Mannish women stand up! Daddy Yankee moves up to places this week as now he begins to run with the Countdown veterans. Can he hold his own and make an impact? We will see!
7. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #7)
So T.I. holds pat this week with this video, mainly as punishment for his lackluster second video. However, I just got “T.I. vs. T.I.P” and I must say…I am rather impressed. I went into it cautiously after “King” but this was actually well done. A full review may come later, but it isn’t as bad as I was expecting and R. Kelly isn’t on it! Hooray for soup!
6. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #8)
Hyde and the boys are one step away from their first ever Top 5 video! Pretty good for their first time on here! It is to be expected, these guys reek of awesomeness. Yes, I am bringing back some of the old school Edge and Christian quotes from back in the day. Alright, chumpstains its time for the Top 5!
5. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #3, Three weeks at #1)
After holding the Top Spot for almost a month, Maroon 5 falls two more places this week to #5. I keep hearing about a new video but I have yet to see it. Even still, this one is hanging around so there may not be a need for another one just yet. Couldn’t hurt, though.
4. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #5)
What’s this? More Foxxi MisQ? Well isn’t THIS the greatest Friday in a while? After standing pat at #5 last week, these sexy ladies ride up one spot this week. This video is…well hot. Ladies dancing in gowns is very sexy to me. I’m weird like that but I’m a renegade. It is how I do things. Time for the biggest three videos in the world minus Uruguay…
3. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #1, One week at #1)
After one week at #1, Abingdon Boys School falls from the throne! They have a new video (and in my honest opinion a more rocking song) but I thought they could hold off the competition longer with this video. Even still, very few can say that they have had a #1 video. Congratulations! So we are down to two videos. Who is #1?
2. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #2)
Oooohhhhh, snap! Yui is thwarted from getting her third #1 video of 2007! She holds steady at #2 this week with a video that has gradually gotten cooler to me as time has gone on. This is a bit of a shocker, but she still has a chance to join UVERworld and John Legend as the three time champs! Who is the new champ?
1. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #4, One week at #1)
Who needs to be the champ when you are already the Underground Kings?! UGK and Outkast moves into the Number One Spot after only five weeks on the Countdown, trailing only Namie Amuro (4 weeks) and nobodyknows+ (three weeks) as the fastest to reach #1 on the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown. Now THAT is big pimpin. Sweet Jones! This also marks Big Boi’s second time at #1, having reached the summit last year with “Margaritas” with Sleepy Brown and Pharrell. Keep your heart, Three Stacks and welcome to #1!
That is all for this week! Can the combined might of UGK and Outkast hold on to the throne for a second week? Or will Yui get her third consecutive #1 video to tie her for the most of all time? Or can Foxxi MisQ take their Luxury Ride and park it in the Top Spot for the first time? Tune in next Friday and find out!
As for me, I am not sure what I am going to do tonight. All depends on if my throat is FINALLY better. If it is, odds are I may either go downtown or to Denver. If not, I am just going to sleep (which I didn’t get on Thursday because of those fucking idiots and their fireworks so I am behind) and hopefully be rested up for Saturday. Supposedly Ted is back and looking for freedom before marriage. I honestly say if you are concerned about freedom then don’t get married but that is a big reason I am single. Aside from being unlovable and an asshole, I mean. I will be back at some point. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start of with a debut this week!
20. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (New Entry)
Welcome back to Kanye West! I have always been a fan (of most) of his music and although there are parts that annoy me about this song (Black Kate Moss? WHAT THE FUCK, ‘YE?!) it samples Daft Punk which is always good. Not only that, the video has nary a booty butt cheek (CRUNK!) which is good enough for me. This is Kanye’s third video on the Top 20 this year (Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far” and TERIYAKI BOYZ’s “I Used To Love H.E.R.) so he is making a push for Artist of the Year maybe?
19. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #9, Plunge of the Week)
DAAAAAAAMN! That is quite a fall! After coming so close to knocking off Maroon 5 a month ago, Rascal Flats falls a huge TEN SPOTS out of the Top 10 and almost off the countdown. Here is to hoping for a new video from them soon!
18. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #20)
Yeah, you know it. Where is the album, dammit?! Even still, I am all about this song and I also put it up as my MySpace profile song (at least until I can find a good copy of Hearts Grow’s “Himawari” or LM.C’s “Girls & Boys”) because it is teh rawk.
17. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #13, Four weeks at #1)
Another video that dominated the Countdown falls a few more spots. Has there been a new episode of Naruto: Shippuuden in the last two weeks that I have missed? Maybe I am off but it has been about 10 days or so. Hopefully a new opening and closing theme are coming seeing as how both made it to the Top 10 this year.
16. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 18)
AI slowly moves up this week with this frantic video. You know, AI reminds me a lot of Missy Elliott in her style. Her videos are no where near as blanking awesome (Music make you lose control!) but the song content is there. Here is to some album-age from her soon!
15. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #15)
After falling last week, Enrique is holding on to #15 for the second straight week. This video is cool and I am spacing on who the model is in the video but she is rather attractive. I must say…I would plunder that.
14. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #19)
This video makes a five place jump this week. Rightfully so, I have been playing this song non-stop and the video is on rotation as well. Just a whole bunch of kids hanging out and having fun. This is what teenagers music SHOULD be, not Lil’ Mama and her fucking “Lip Gloss.” I hate that song so fucking much. Luckily, this song rules so I will let it slide.
13. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #11, One week at #1)
Mmmm….Yuna Ito. It is a damn shame this video is falling. My love for you will never die, Yuna. Give me something new…with dancing! Oh, and you looking hella saucy.
12. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #14)
Gackt is creeping into the Top 10 with his first video ever on the Countdown. In J-rock news, Zach informed me that X (X Japan or Japan X as I thought they were called which is why I couldn’t find them in college. I’m kind of a retard) is getting back together! Minus their guitarist, of course but still. First L’Arc~en~Ciel and now this?! Give me some Malice Mizer and Mr. Big and I will be a happy camper!
11. Common – The People (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
Fuck yes. I just got the advance copy of “Finding Forever” and all I can say is that Common once again may have the best hip hop Album of the Year, if not the best altogether. I love this video: its simple and doesn’t take away from the song which is also killer. First time out and Common is knocking on the door of the Top 10!
10. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #6)
What looked like a promising summer for Orange Range is now looking squid-like. After making it to #2 and failing to take the top spot from Maroon 5, they guys fall 4 spots this week to #10. Hopefully a new single is coming from them soon, seeing as how they released an album not too long ago (Which wasn’t all the bad. Check it out if you are into j-pop/j-rock. “Champione” alone is worth the listen).
9. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #12)
Oh yeah. You know what I likes, and I likes the Foxxi. Their album “Gloss” reminds me a lot of some old SWV/Jade in the mid-90’s. Oh my god, does anyone remember Jade? Remember “I Wanna Love You Down”?! That was my juh-am! Oh snap!
8. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #10)
Reggaeton stand up! Puerto Rico stand up! Mannish women stand up! Daddy Yankee moves up to places this week as now he begins to run with the Countdown veterans. Can he hold his own and make an impact? We will see!
7. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #7)
So T.I. holds pat this week with this video, mainly as punishment for his lackluster second video. However, I just got “T.I. vs. T.I.P” and I must say…I am rather impressed. I went into it cautiously after “King” but this was actually well done. A full review may come later, but it isn’t as bad as I was expecting and R. Kelly isn’t on it! Hooray for soup!
6. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #8)
Hyde and the boys are one step away from their first ever Top 5 video! Pretty good for their first time on here! It is to be expected, these guys reek of awesomeness. Yes, I am bringing back some of the old school Edge and Christian quotes from back in the day. Alright, chumpstains its time for the Top 5!
5. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #3, Three weeks at #1)
After holding the Top Spot for almost a month, Maroon 5 falls two more places this week to #5. I keep hearing about a new video but I have yet to see it. Even still, this one is hanging around so there may not be a need for another one just yet. Couldn’t hurt, though.
4. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #5)
What’s this? More Foxxi MisQ? Well isn’t THIS the greatest Friday in a while? After standing pat at #5 last week, these sexy ladies ride up one spot this week. This video is…well hot. Ladies dancing in gowns is very sexy to me. I’m weird like that but I’m a renegade. It is how I do things. Time for the biggest three videos in the world minus Uruguay…
3. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #1, One week at #1)
After one week at #1, Abingdon Boys School falls from the throne! They have a new video (and in my honest opinion a more rocking song) but I thought they could hold off the competition longer with this video. Even still, very few can say that they have had a #1 video. Congratulations! So we are down to two videos. Who is #1?
2. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #2)
Oooohhhhh, snap! Yui is thwarted from getting her third #1 video of 2007! She holds steady at #2 this week with a video that has gradually gotten cooler to me as time has gone on. This is a bit of a shocker, but she still has a chance to join UVERworld and John Legend as the three time champs! Who is the new champ?
1. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #4, One week at #1)
Who needs to be the champ when you are already the Underground Kings?! UGK and Outkast moves into the Number One Spot after only five weeks on the Countdown, trailing only Namie Amuro (4 weeks) and nobodyknows+ (three weeks) as the fastest to reach #1 on the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown. Now THAT is big pimpin. Sweet Jones! This also marks Big Boi’s second time at #1, having reached the summit last year with “Margaritas” with Sleepy Brown and Pharrell. Keep your heart, Three Stacks and welcome to #1!
That is all for this week! Can the combined might of UGK and Outkast hold on to the throne for a second week? Or will Yui get her third consecutive #1 video to tie her for the most of all time? Or can Foxxi MisQ take their Luxury Ride and park it in the Top Spot for the first time? Tune in next Friday and find out!
As for me, I am not sure what I am going to do tonight. All depends on if my throat is FINALLY better. If it is, odds are I may either go downtown or to Denver. If not, I am just going to sleep (which I didn’t get on Thursday because of those fucking idiots and their fireworks so I am behind) and hopefully be rested up for Saturday. Supposedly Ted is back and looking for freedom before marriage. I honestly say if you are concerned about freedom then don’t get married but that is a big reason I am single. Aside from being unlovable and an asshole, I mean. I will be back at some point. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Sons Of The Soil...Are Still Fucking Hillbillies.
What is up, fishes! I hope all of you enjoyed your 4th of July (Except Kimmy. NYAH!) even though it rained like a bitch in the afternoon. I was still sick (Sore throat, still have it a little bit this morning which bites but thems the breaks) for the whole damn day so I got nothing really accomplished except remembering why I don’t play video game tennis. FUCK JENNIFER CAPRIATI! How can I beat the hell out of Serena Williams and Justin Henin but that woman kills me at all turns?! Bitch! Just won my third straight Wimbledon, though. Talley ho!
So I have ranted on women, Black people, White people, Catholics, Muslims, Jews, the handicapped, college, high school and several other aspects. I even ranted about the South and that is a pointless endeavor. Mainly because they don’t know what endeavor means. However, after the last few years I have a bone to pick with certain people. You all have seen (or heard them) outside hooting and hollering for no reason and it is REALLY beginning to piss me off. I am talking about the lowest common denominator. I am talking about rednecks. Crackers if you will.
Now I have talked to many people about this situation. I have found that White people feel the same way about rednecks that Black people feel about niggers. Whenever they say things like “This is America, love it or giiiiiiiitout!” because someone doesn’t like Lynard Skynard (God…I hate them so. I like some Southern rock but they just scream “Lynchard Niggard”. Heh, I just made a funny) White people have the same response that Black people have when niggers say things like “Countin them keys, bee-yatch! That’s real!”:
God Dammit.
Rednecks are the bottom of the barrel of White people. Now don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad people. They just do stupid things. Like live in trailer parks where tornados and floods happen. Just like Black people wear red in areas where blue is the understood norm. Same difference. Usually I just ignore rednecks or distract them by using words that they don’t know like “platypus” so I can walk away from them. Same thing works with niggers, ask one the capital of Canada and see what happens. Steam comes from their ears like a teapot. Watch out, some of them resort to violence against intelligence so choose your attack against the stupid wisely. Last night, the inbred sect on my street (and there are like three or four families from the cousin-loving South on my block, probably Arkansas) decided they was gonna shoot off some of dem der fireworks cuz’ dey make dem pretty colors and go the boom. I know they were rednecks because as they shot them off I heard the Dukes of Hazzard “WHEEEEEE-HOO!” call followed by “Look at dat, boy! Whoooo-eee!” I shit you not. They did this until 2am. No shit. Combine that with the coughing up of phlegm and I was wondering why I haven’t bought my Desert Eagle yet because I would have showed them some fireworks. They would be in the form of a bullet into their fucking engine in their Ford truck (Because rednecks are crazy about a ford truck) engine.
I’m sorry, but this is getting ridiculous. Fireworks (I thought) were illegal in the city limits. If you live in Fountain, Security or Widefield (or the Three Rings of Colorado Hell) then knock yourself out. However, if you live IN THE CITY and you shoot off fireworks you are breaking the fucking law (If they are illegal which I thought they are. I may be wrong) and need to be beaten with a nightstick like Black people in Philadelphia are for…walking home from school in broad daylight. Yeah, true story. Fuck Philly, you racist pricks. Secondly, I live three blocks from a police station. So you KNOW they heard those fuckers going off. You see, this is why cops suck here. I get pulled over going 37 in a 35 at 10:30pm on a major side street but they can’t catch people who are launching low grade pyrotechnical equipment in a field where a fire could break out. Had they been Muslim the police would have been ALL OVER IT. Even if they ARENT illegal, they were disturbing the peace and publicly intoxicated as evident of the drunken crooning of the Georgia Satellites “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” (A kick ass song I must admit). No shit. Colorado can eat a dick, especially during 4th of July and Christmas. It isn’t about Jesus, it’s about Santa. Deal with it, Christians. I am just waiting to see how many alcohol related fireworks injuries there are. You know, slowly but surely the stupid end up weeding themselves out. Just not fast enough.
Well, no movie review this week, as nothing comes out. I will have one next week for Harry Potter 5 or 6 or whatever the hell they are on now. Harry supposedly gets his first hard on in this movie! Or not, I haven’t paid attention. Oh, and for those of you up in arms about the Emma Watson turning 18 in two years thing: she is no Uehara Nami:
I'm just saying:
Now THAT would make Harry Potter rub one out. As for me, that’s F2T right there. I am kidding! I will be back tomorrow for a new Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, it is time for the education part of the Passion of Chachi!
Animaniacs For Life! Goodnight, everybody!
Chachi Out!
So I have ranted on women, Black people, White people, Catholics, Muslims, Jews, the handicapped, college, high school and several other aspects. I even ranted about the South and that is a pointless endeavor. Mainly because they don’t know what endeavor means. However, after the last few years I have a bone to pick with certain people. You all have seen (or heard them) outside hooting and hollering for no reason and it is REALLY beginning to piss me off. I am talking about the lowest common denominator. I am talking about rednecks. Crackers if you will.
Now I have talked to many people about this situation. I have found that White people feel the same way about rednecks that Black people feel about niggers. Whenever they say things like “This is America, love it or giiiiiiiitout!” because someone doesn’t like Lynard Skynard (God…I hate them so. I like some Southern rock but they just scream “Lynchard Niggard”. Heh, I just made a funny) White people have the same response that Black people have when niggers say things like “Countin them keys, bee-yatch! That’s real!”:
God Dammit.
Rednecks are the bottom of the barrel of White people. Now don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad people. They just do stupid things. Like live in trailer parks where tornados and floods happen. Just like Black people wear red in areas where blue is the understood norm. Same difference. Usually I just ignore rednecks or distract them by using words that they don’t know like “platypus” so I can walk away from them. Same thing works with niggers, ask one the capital of Canada and see what happens. Steam comes from their ears like a teapot. Watch out, some of them resort to violence against intelligence so choose your attack against the stupid wisely. Last night, the inbred sect on my street (and there are like three or four families from the cousin-loving South on my block, probably Arkansas) decided they was gonna shoot off some of dem der fireworks cuz’ dey make dem pretty colors and go the boom. I know they were rednecks because as they shot them off I heard the Dukes of Hazzard “WHEEEEEE-HOO!” call followed by “Look at dat, boy! Whoooo-eee!” I shit you not. They did this until 2am. No shit. Combine that with the coughing up of phlegm and I was wondering why I haven’t bought my Desert Eagle yet because I would have showed them some fireworks. They would be in the form of a bullet into their fucking engine in their Ford truck (Because rednecks are crazy about a ford truck) engine.
I’m sorry, but this is getting ridiculous. Fireworks (I thought) were illegal in the city limits. If you live in Fountain, Security or Widefield (or the Three Rings of Colorado Hell) then knock yourself out. However, if you live IN THE CITY and you shoot off fireworks you are breaking the fucking law (If they are illegal which I thought they are. I may be wrong) and need to be beaten with a nightstick like Black people in Philadelphia are for…walking home from school in broad daylight. Yeah, true story. Fuck Philly, you racist pricks. Secondly, I live three blocks from a police station. So you KNOW they heard those fuckers going off. You see, this is why cops suck here. I get pulled over going 37 in a 35 at 10:30pm on a major side street but they can’t catch people who are launching low grade pyrotechnical equipment in a field where a fire could break out. Had they been Muslim the police would have been ALL OVER IT. Even if they ARENT illegal, they were disturbing the peace and publicly intoxicated as evident of the drunken crooning of the Georgia Satellites “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” (A kick ass song I must admit). No shit. Colorado can eat a dick, especially during 4th of July and Christmas. It isn’t about Jesus, it’s about Santa. Deal with it, Christians. I am just waiting to see how many alcohol related fireworks injuries there are. You know, slowly but surely the stupid end up weeding themselves out. Just not fast enough.
Well, no movie review this week, as nothing comes out. I will have one next week for Harry Potter 5 or 6 or whatever the hell they are on now. Harry supposedly gets his first hard on in this movie! Or not, I haven’t paid attention. Oh, and for those of you up in arms about the Emma Watson turning 18 in two years thing: she is no Uehara Nami:
I'm just saying:
Now THAT would make Harry Potter rub one out. As for me, that’s F2T right there. I am kidding! I will be back tomorrow for a new Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, it is time for the education part of the Passion of Chachi!
Animaniacs For Life! Goodnight, everybody!
Chachi Out!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Until All Are One...
What is up peeps! I am back on the scene after a short hiatus (even longer on Blogger because it refused to update me yesterday) and it has finally come to pass. Last night, I saw the movie that I had been waiting for since 1986. No, not the sequel to “Labryinth” (although that would kick ASS!) I am talking about “Transformers”. After the long ass wait, the kickass trailers and the multitude of pissed off fans about the changes (Megatron as a jet, Bumblebee as a Camero) I got to view what was either going to be the most awesome moment of my life or what finally made me snap and start tossing small children like grenades. As you can tell, there was no violence but there almost was some. So after some retrospect, calming down and lots of asprin and Mucenex (sinus infection which means 10 days of phlegm, sore throats and soup) I give to you…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
This Week: Transformers!
Okay, there was some earth-shattering awesomeness in this movie. Here are a few of the bright spots.
The Good:
Epic In Scope, Once Again: Wow. I don’t know what the budget was (reports saw $310 million but that has to be an exaggeration) but it was well used. This fucking movie was a visual reach-around for your eyes. I came about eleven times (I know I promised I wouldn’t embarrass you, B. But it felt so good! It was Optimus Prime, dammit!) just from the transforming sequences. Each and every battle put Matrix Reloaded to shame (and as much as that movie sucked, the action sequences were awesome) and really showed how larger than life the Transformers were. Especially the battle of Optimus Prime and Bonecrusher on the highway. Just…WOW.
Shia LaBeouf: Okay, I liked “Even Stevens” and I loved “Holes” so I knew he could carry his part. Luckily, he carried the whole movie (which I will get into later) because Shia was great. He played a great Spike (hell, that bastard was totally faceless on the TV show and in the comic) and gave an (un)needed human element to the movie. I am sorry; I see no need for fleshbags in my robot movies. Megatron line, fools! What?! While other characters bordered on annoying, Shia made the movie for me.
The Actual Transformers: Despite the fact this was the most expensive GMC commercial ever the Transformers themselves were actually…real. I have to give someone (not Michael Bay) credit, aside from Bumblebee everyone was picked well and their robot modes didn’t look like the cartoon ones (WHERE IN THE HELL DID SIDESWIPES WHEELS GO?! SERIOUSLY!). Every detail was pinpoint on both the Autobots and Decepticons which goes along with the movie being epic. Just seeing Optimus Prime transform that first time in the alley…I cried. I was just so happy! Also, the faces were pretty well done and the voices fit (I was initially pissed they didn’t bring Frank Welker back for Megatron but that voice didn’t fit the Cybertronian jet) with each character, especially Starscream who DID NOT get enough screen time. Overall, the robots themselves were enough to give this movie a 10.
Okay, I Did Laugh. But It Was An Accident!: Okay, there was some funny in this movie. None of it was in the first 30 minutes which was a blatant ripoff of every teen movie EVER but that was the demographic they were trying to reach so that is tough shit for me. All that said, there were some funny segments (the Autobots “hiding” and Megatron and his flicking of the human like a flea. Priceless!) in the film and it wasn’t hit or miss like some movies this year in the joke department, more like hit or “Oh, heh I knew that was going to happen.” Shrek 3, I am looking right at you. Shia was pretty funny while Tyrese was funny because…well the man is like Will Smith. He doesn’t act as much as he plays himself REAL WELL. Even still, it was good stuff.
I’LL SMASH YOU GOOD!: Shit blows up in this movie. A lot. There is one thing that Michael Bay does well and that is blow shit up reeeeeeeeeeeal proper-like. If you thought shit blew up in “The Island” you aint seen jack-diddly-crap yet. It made “Pearl Harbor” look like “Hello Kitty’s Candy Time Adventure” and I don’t mean the real “Pearl Harbor” because that was a tragedy so shut your fucking mouth, pseudo-patriots. Just like the actual Michael Bay MOVIE about Pearl Harbor but that is another rant altogether. The epic battles were accompanied by a symphony of glass, tires, concert and sinew flying every which way but Thursday. It was fucking magnificent. Adding in the robots, the explosions and the scope of the movie made it kick ass…for the most part.
Despite all the awesomeness, there were parts of this movie that reeked of suckitude.
The Bad:
Who The Fuck Mixed In Bad Boys II With My Transformers!: New rule. Michael Bay is not allowed to do anything where things don’t go boom. Like…adding things. ANYTHING. ANY-FUCKING-THING! I swear, from the thinly veiled lame racist humor was just lame. I counted the unnecessary offending of six ethnic groups. I am all about provocative humor, even for the sake of a cheap laugh but Jazz break dancing was ridiculous. Might as well just given him a bucket of chicken and had him call Optimus Prime “Massa Prime” while shucking and jiving to “Dixie”. Okay, it wasn’t THAT bad (maybe “Sun Shines Bright On My Old Kentucky Home”) but still it was rather annoying and poor humor doesn’t belong in a movie of such kick-assedry. Also, there were a few R. Kelly jokes (I just don’t think piss is funny unless it is the “Piss On You”):
Which needless to say, didn’t really drag down as much as piss off, no pun intended. What really pissed me off were the pointless camera tricks and slow-motion. Just because everything is cooler in slow motion doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING IS COOLER IN SLOW-FUCKING-MOTION! That rotating slow camera move from “Bad Boys II” was pertinent to the film and scene because it was used to set up the final showdown in Cuba. The slow turn and blinding sun over the shoulder was used to show the helicopters and see that they were in for a battle in Cuba that SO WOULDN’T CAUSE AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT. Those same scenes were used here because…windows got blown out. Just because you can and have the budget, doesn’t mean you have to add in pointless camera tricks. Here is a camera trick, SHOW ME A FUCKING ROBOT! This may seem like nit-picking but see the movie and tell me the first 30 or so minutes isn’t annoying as hell and full of “Bay-arized” moments.
Show Some Love For The Bug!: So I could accept Megatron as a Cybertronian jet because it fit in with the...err…”plot.” Frenzy as the ADD afflicted robo-chimp was okay just for the fact I wanted to see some Frenzy (And where was Soundwave?). But not having Bumblebee be the Volkswagen was CRAP. “It wasn’t realistic” Michael Bay said. It is a movie based on a comic book/cartoon franchise (Which are the cornerstone of realism) that had cars/jets/tanks/tigers/spiders/rats that turn into 4 story tall robots. THE CONCEPT ITSELF ISNT REALISTIC, YOU PRICK! You got a boatload of money from GMC to put the fucking car in there and that is that. If you are going to change it just say the damn truth. This honestly is a small gripe, but it was just a harbinger (A word that was used in this movie that the bros next to me didn’t know what meant. That was priceless) for this point…
Plot? Who Needs A Plot When We Have Explosions!: Okay, creative license is cool for a comic book/cartoon movie when you want to crossover audiences. They did it with Spiderman (Organic web-shooters), X-Men (Wolverine’s claws) and Masters of the Universe (The whole fucking movie. A synthesizer?! N-word please!) and it was met with varying success. In this movie…it was just like they added a human element that wasn’t really helpful. Tyrese Gibson was Black, Megan Fox was scantily clothed (Which brought in the bro-factor like gangbusters. God, the bro at the end of the row creamed his fricking pants) and Anthony Anderson was Anthony Anderson. Which equaled annoying. The plot was simple and at the end they managed to fuck it up (or at least “Dues Ex Machina” it) to come to an ended that could have easily been replicated if they knew anything about the history of the Transfomers. The plot made sense to fans, but was dumbed down for the casual fan which made some people (like myself and the guy a seat down from me) kind of flip out. Getting casual fans by making characters accessible is one thing, dumbing down the product or franchise is not. It’s transforming robots, not Star Wars. If your brain can’t comprehend that you shouldn’t be watching movies.
No Stan Bush?! No White Lion?! This Isn’t A Soundtrack, It’s A SUCKtrack!: Now this is TOTAL nit picking but where in the fuck was “You’ve Got The Touch?!” You cannot have a Transformers movie without Stan Bush. You just can’t! It is like “Rocky” without a montage with “Gonna Fly Now!” It’s like Star Wars without John Williams! It’s like “Bleach” without “Number One!” You are taking away from the movie, man! When Optimus rolls into downtown…wait, where the fuck were they? See, plot issues! Anyway, when Optimus Prime makes his entrance for the battle with Megatron I thought they were going to play that song. WRONG! I thought when Spike got into Bumblebee during the Autobots introduction it was going to play. WRONG! When Prime says “Autobots, roll out!” I thought “This is the PERFECT TIME for that song. WRONG! Instead we got the Goo Goo Dolls. The damn Goo Goo Dolls. Because we know if there is any band that says giant robots that transform into vehicles, it’s the Goo Goo Dolls. That was a small thing they could have done to nod the original but instead…we got piss jokes and The Cars. Ha ha…! No.
Okay, overall this movie kicked the ass. However, the film wasn’t without Michael Bay’s attempt to “Bay-arize” it. Die-hard fans need to go into this know that this isn’t “Transformers the Movie” as much as it is a movie about the Transformers. Unlike the cartoon, they are not the stars, you realize that about an hour and twenty minutes into the movie after they are introduced. It wasn’t for us; it was for the casual fan and moviegoer. They tossed in enough of the Transformers continuity and lexicon to keep us quiet while everything else was product placement (Keep an eye out for the Mountain Dew-bot. I call him “X-Dewey”), MTV style humor and things going BOOOOOOOM!!! Shia LeBeouf for the Josh Duhamel for the ladies, Megan Fox for the bros (I’m sorry, that skirt was just not hot as much as it said “You’re going to need a credit card for that, baby”), Tyrese, John Tuturo and Anthony Anderson for minorities and explosions and action for all. Oh, and some robots that transform for the geeks.
Now my words for this movie were harsh because I was expecting a lot from this film. When it all breaks down, taking into account the movie’s full body of work it was actually fucking awesome. “Transformers” didn’t have the luxury of character depth (a la “Batman Begins” or “Spiderman”) or being able to focus on its core audience (see “300”, “Sin City” and “Hellboy”). With the cost of this kind of blockbuster, it had to involve all fans and that is fine by me. I made it seem like that put a Ford logo on the Millennium Falcon and turned Chewbacca into a jive talking Wookie (Whachu talkin’ bout, Solo?) but it really wasn’t that bad. The problems were small and even the most avid Transformer fan SHOULD be able to get past them. If you have seen a Michael Bay movie you will know what to expect and you can just give a slight “god dammit” when you see something stupid. Don’t worry, robot awesomeness is coming. After all of that, the good and bad I am going to give this movie something I thought I was NOT going to give it initially. Master Chief Captain Chachi gives “Transformers”…
10 Out of 10 Stars!
(When it is all said and done, the awesomeness that is Transformers ends up triumping over the evil that can be Michael Bay. Overall, he didn’t destroy the movie as much as tried to put his stamp on it when he really didn’t need to. That’ll do, Bay. That’ll do. The action shines by itself, the plot starts off as a hit and then goes downhill from there but still makes sense. The actual Transformers themselves are FUCKING AWESOME, even Jazz. Combine that with suprising performances by the human characters and you have a very good movie and rhe biggest blockbuster of the summer. This will never be up to a Star Wars or a Lord of the Rings level in terms of epic, but it is still up there. It is simple, awesome summer fun. Peeps, transform and roll out! To the theater to see this movie, I mean)
Man that was LONG. However, that review was 20 or so years or so in the making so I wanted to be through and in-depth. I was expecting a lot, and I got a lot. Oh, and Michael Bay ISN’T the anti-Christ. That is Joel Schumacher. Well, everyone enjoy your middle of the week 4th of July. Odds are I will see “Transformers” again either tonight or tomorrow. Also, this Friday may be Denver Action Fun Time if Rick can find time to not be all happy with his pretty lady and hang out with me! I want some wine and cheese, fool! I guess turnabout is fairplay. Curse you, Richards! I will be back on Friday with the Top 20 Video Countdown and maybe before then depending on what I do tomorrow. Until then, stay up peeps! Remember, you got the touch:
YOU GOT THE POW-URRRRRRRRR! Man, THAT should have been in the movie. Better it wasn’t; I would have had to go all “Grandma’s Boy” in the theater.
Chachi Out.
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
This Week: Transformers!
Okay, there was some earth-shattering awesomeness in this movie. Here are a few of the bright spots.
The Good:
Epic In Scope, Once Again: Wow. I don’t know what the budget was (reports saw $310 million but that has to be an exaggeration) but it was well used. This fucking movie was a visual reach-around for your eyes. I came about eleven times (I know I promised I wouldn’t embarrass you, B. But it felt so good! It was Optimus Prime, dammit!) just from the transforming sequences. Each and every battle put Matrix Reloaded to shame (and as much as that movie sucked, the action sequences were awesome) and really showed how larger than life the Transformers were. Especially the battle of Optimus Prime and Bonecrusher on the highway. Just…WOW.
Shia LaBeouf: Okay, I liked “Even Stevens” and I loved “Holes” so I knew he could carry his part. Luckily, he carried the whole movie (which I will get into later) because Shia was great. He played a great Spike (hell, that bastard was totally faceless on the TV show and in the comic) and gave an (un)needed human element to the movie. I am sorry; I see no need for fleshbags in my robot movies. Megatron line, fools! What?! While other characters bordered on annoying, Shia made the movie for me.
The Actual Transformers: Despite the fact this was the most expensive GMC commercial ever the Transformers themselves were actually…real. I have to give someone (not Michael Bay) credit, aside from Bumblebee everyone was picked well and their robot modes didn’t look like the cartoon ones (WHERE IN THE HELL DID SIDESWIPES WHEELS GO?! SERIOUSLY!). Every detail was pinpoint on both the Autobots and Decepticons which goes along with the movie being epic. Just seeing Optimus Prime transform that first time in the alley…I cried. I was just so happy! Also, the faces were pretty well done and the voices fit (I was initially pissed they didn’t bring Frank Welker back for Megatron but that voice didn’t fit the Cybertronian jet) with each character, especially Starscream who DID NOT get enough screen time. Overall, the robots themselves were enough to give this movie a 10.
Okay, I Did Laugh. But It Was An Accident!: Okay, there was some funny in this movie. None of it was in the first 30 minutes which was a blatant ripoff of every teen movie EVER but that was the demographic they were trying to reach so that is tough shit for me. All that said, there were some funny segments (the Autobots “hiding” and Megatron and his flicking of the human like a flea. Priceless!) in the film and it wasn’t hit or miss like some movies this year in the joke department, more like hit or “Oh, heh I knew that was going to happen.” Shrek 3, I am looking right at you. Shia was pretty funny while Tyrese was funny because…well the man is like Will Smith. He doesn’t act as much as he plays himself REAL WELL. Even still, it was good stuff.
I’LL SMASH YOU GOOD!: Shit blows up in this movie. A lot. There is one thing that Michael Bay does well and that is blow shit up reeeeeeeeeeeal proper-like. If you thought shit blew up in “The Island” you aint seen jack-diddly-crap yet. It made “Pearl Harbor” look like “Hello Kitty’s Candy Time Adventure” and I don’t mean the real “Pearl Harbor” because that was a tragedy so shut your fucking mouth, pseudo-patriots. Just like the actual Michael Bay MOVIE about Pearl Harbor but that is another rant altogether. The epic battles were accompanied by a symphony of glass, tires, concert and sinew flying every which way but Thursday. It was fucking magnificent. Adding in the robots, the explosions and the scope of the movie made it kick ass…for the most part.
Despite all the awesomeness, there were parts of this movie that reeked of suckitude.
The Bad:
Who The Fuck Mixed In Bad Boys II With My Transformers!: New rule. Michael Bay is not allowed to do anything where things don’t go boom. Like…adding things. ANYTHING. ANY-FUCKING-THING! I swear, from the thinly veiled lame racist humor was just lame. I counted the unnecessary offending of six ethnic groups. I am all about provocative humor, even for the sake of a cheap laugh but Jazz break dancing was ridiculous. Might as well just given him a bucket of chicken and had him call Optimus Prime “Massa Prime” while shucking and jiving to “Dixie”. Okay, it wasn’t THAT bad (maybe “Sun Shines Bright On My Old Kentucky Home”) but still it was rather annoying and poor humor doesn’t belong in a movie of such kick-assedry. Also, there were a few R. Kelly jokes (I just don’t think piss is funny unless it is the “Piss On You”):
Which needless to say, didn’t really drag down as much as piss off, no pun intended. What really pissed me off were the pointless camera tricks and slow-motion. Just because everything is cooler in slow motion doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING IS COOLER IN SLOW-FUCKING-MOTION! That rotating slow camera move from “Bad Boys II” was pertinent to the film and scene because it was used to set up the final showdown in Cuba. The slow turn and blinding sun over the shoulder was used to show the helicopters and see that they were in for a battle in Cuba that SO WOULDN’T CAUSE AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT. Those same scenes were used here because…windows got blown out. Just because you can and have the budget, doesn’t mean you have to add in pointless camera tricks. Here is a camera trick, SHOW ME A FUCKING ROBOT! This may seem like nit-picking but see the movie and tell me the first 30 or so minutes isn’t annoying as hell and full of “Bay-arized” moments.
Show Some Love For The Bug!: So I could accept Megatron as a Cybertronian jet because it fit in with the...err…”plot.” Frenzy as the ADD afflicted robo-chimp was okay just for the fact I wanted to see some Frenzy (And where was Soundwave?). But not having Bumblebee be the Volkswagen was CRAP. “It wasn’t realistic” Michael Bay said. It is a movie based on a comic book/cartoon franchise (Which are the cornerstone of realism) that had cars/jets/tanks/tigers/spiders/rats that turn into 4 story tall robots. THE CONCEPT ITSELF ISNT REALISTIC, YOU PRICK! You got a boatload of money from GMC to put the fucking car in there and that is that. If you are going to change it just say the damn truth. This honestly is a small gripe, but it was just a harbinger (A word that was used in this movie that the bros next to me didn’t know what meant. That was priceless) for this point…
Plot? Who Needs A Plot When We Have Explosions!: Okay, creative license is cool for a comic book/cartoon movie when you want to crossover audiences. They did it with Spiderman (Organic web-shooters), X-Men (Wolverine’s claws) and Masters of the Universe (The whole fucking movie. A synthesizer?! N-word please!) and it was met with varying success. In this movie…it was just like they added a human element that wasn’t really helpful. Tyrese Gibson was Black, Megan Fox was scantily clothed (Which brought in the bro-factor like gangbusters. God, the bro at the end of the row creamed his fricking pants) and Anthony Anderson was Anthony Anderson. Which equaled annoying. The plot was simple and at the end they managed to fuck it up (or at least “Dues Ex Machina” it) to come to an ended that could have easily been replicated if they knew anything about the history of the Transfomers. The plot made sense to fans, but was dumbed down for the casual fan which made some people (like myself and the guy a seat down from me) kind of flip out. Getting casual fans by making characters accessible is one thing, dumbing down the product or franchise is not. It’s transforming robots, not Star Wars. If your brain can’t comprehend that you shouldn’t be watching movies.
No Stan Bush?! No White Lion?! This Isn’t A Soundtrack, It’s A SUCKtrack!: Now this is TOTAL nit picking but where in the fuck was “You’ve Got The Touch?!” You cannot have a Transformers movie without Stan Bush. You just can’t! It is like “Rocky” without a montage with “Gonna Fly Now!” It’s like Star Wars without John Williams! It’s like “Bleach” without “Number One!” You are taking away from the movie, man! When Optimus rolls into downtown…wait, where the fuck were they? See, plot issues! Anyway, when Optimus Prime makes his entrance for the battle with Megatron I thought they were going to play that song. WRONG! I thought when Spike got into Bumblebee during the Autobots introduction it was going to play. WRONG! When Prime says “Autobots, roll out!” I thought “This is the PERFECT TIME for that song. WRONG! Instead we got the Goo Goo Dolls. The damn Goo Goo Dolls. Because we know if there is any band that says giant robots that transform into vehicles, it’s the Goo Goo Dolls. That was a small thing they could have done to nod the original but instead…we got piss jokes and The Cars. Ha ha…! No.
Okay, overall this movie kicked the ass. However, the film wasn’t without Michael Bay’s attempt to “Bay-arize” it. Die-hard fans need to go into this know that this isn’t “Transformers the Movie” as much as it is a movie about the Transformers. Unlike the cartoon, they are not the stars, you realize that about an hour and twenty minutes into the movie after they are introduced. It wasn’t for us; it was for the casual fan and moviegoer. They tossed in enough of the Transformers continuity and lexicon to keep us quiet while everything else was product placement (Keep an eye out for the Mountain Dew-bot. I call him “X-Dewey”), MTV style humor and things going BOOOOOOOM!!! Shia LeBeouf for the Josh Duhamel for the ladies, Megan Fox for the bros (I’m sorry, that skirt was just not hot as much as it said “You’re going to need a credit card for that, baby”), Tyrese, John Tuturo and Anthony Anderson for minorities and explosions and action for all. Oh, and some robots that transform for the geeks.
Now my words for this movie were harsh because I was expecting a lot from this film. When it all breaks down, taking into account the movie’s full body of work it was actually fucking awesome. “Transformers” didn’t have the luxury of character depth (a la “Batman Begins” or “Spiderman”) or being able to focus on its core audience (see “300”, “Sin City” and “Hellboy”). With the cost of this kind of blockbuster, it had to involve all fans and that is fine by me. I made it seem like that put a Ford logo on the Millennium Falcon and turned Chewbacca into a jive talking Wookie (Whachu talkin’ bout, Solo?) but it really wasn’t that bad. The problems were small and even the most avid Transformer fan SHOULD be able to get past them. If you have seen a Michael Bay movie you will know what to expect and you can just give a slight “god dammit” when you see something stupid. Don’t worry, robot awesomeness is coming. After all of that, the good and bad I am going to give this movie something I thought I was NOT going to give it initially. Master Chief Captain Chachi gives “Transformers”…
10 Out of 10 Stars!
(When it is all said and done, the awesomeness that is Transformers ends up triumping over the evil that can be Michael Bay. Overall, he didn’t destroy the movie as much as tried to put his stamp on it when he really didn’t need to. That’ll do, Bay. That’ll do. The action shines by itself, the plot starts off as a hit and then goes downhill from there but still makes sense. The actual Transformers themselves are FUCKING AWESOME, even Jazz. Combine that with suprising performances by the human characters and you have a very good movie and rhe biggest blockbuster of the summer. This will never be up to a Star Wars or a Lord of the Rings level in terms of epic, but it is still up there. It is simple, awesome summer fun. Peeps, transform and roll out! To the theater to see this movie, I mean)
Man that was LONG. However, that review was 20 or so years or so in the making so I wanted to be through and in-depth. I was expecting a lot, and I got a lot. Oh, and Michael Bay ISN’T the anti-Christ. That is Joel Schumacher. Well, everyone enjoy your middle of the week 4th of July. Odds are I will see “Transformers” again either tonight or tomorrow. Also, this Friday may be Denver Action Fun Time if Rick can find time to not be all happy with his pretty lady and hang out with me! I want some wine and cheese, fool! I guess turnabout is fairplay. Curse you, Richards! I will be back on Friday with the Top 20 Video Countdown and maybe before then depending on what I do tomorrow. Until then, stay up peeps! Remember, you got the touch:
YOU GOT THE POW-URRRRRRRRR! Man, THAT should have been in the movie. Better it wasn’t; I would have had to go all “Grandma’s Boy” in the theater.
Chachi Out.
Monday, July 02, 2007
More Than Meets The Eye!
So today is the day. The day that will define the course of the world as we know it. The day that well tell us the direction movies will take from this day forward. Today is the day….to catch the robots in disguise.
Tonight at 8pm I will be sitting in the theater…watching trailers. However after the eventual Harry Potter (which I will see), Simpsons (which I will also see) and Hitman WHICH WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS…
…god, that looks fucking sweet. To make it even better, Uwe Boll has been issued a restraining order to stay at least 100 feet from this movie which means it may be the best video game movie ever not named “The Wizard” (You make money off of little kids, you miserable jerk! YA OUGHTA BE SHOT!). Anyway, tonight I will be viewing the movie that will create a paradigm shift in the way that movies about giant robots that transform into vehicles (or animals, planets, sneakers and household appliances). Transformers must not suck, lest I go on a rampage by the theater and beat anyone within arms length with a wooden sword. Which I don’t WANT to do, but I will spend 10 years in Chino to get my point across to Michael Bay. You fuck this up; I will piss on your cat. That is from the heart.
I will try to be back up tomorrow with a review, but until then stay up.
Chachi Out.
Tonight at 8pm I will be sitting in the theater…watching trailers. However after the eventual Harry Potter (which I will see), Simpsons (which I will also see) and Hitman WHICH WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS…
…god, that looks fucking sweet. To make it even better, Uwe Boll has been issued a restraining order to stay at least 100 feet from this movie which means it may be the best video game movie ever not named “The Wizard” (You make money off of little kids, you miserable jerk! YA OUGHTA BE SHOT!). Anyway, tonight I will be viewing the movie that will create a paradigm shift in the way that movies about giant robots that transform into vehicles (or animals, planets, sneakers and household appliances). Transformers must not suck, lest I go on a rampage by the theater and beat anyone within arms length with a wooden sword. Which I don’t WANT to do, but I will spend 10 years in Chino to get my point across to Michael Bay. You fuck this up; I will piss on your cat. That is from the heart.
I will try to be back up tomorrow with a review, but until then stay up.
Chachi Out.
Friday, June 29, 2007
I Don't Need No Instructions To Know How To Rock! I Could Use A Few Groupies, Though...
It is Friday which means four days until TRANSFORMERS!!! YEAH! But before then, we have something almost as awesome. ALMOST. I give to you…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started this week with a debut from a group with a video already contending for the top spot!
20. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (New Entry)
HELLS YES! Can this week GET ANY BETTER?! First “Live Free or Die Hard” and now a new video by Abingdon Boys School? Yeah, you know it. Hopefully this is the last video and an album will soon follow. I saw this video on Monday and all I can say is kilts are hard to pull off. But they make it work. Oh, and that gives these guys TWO videos in the Top 20! More on that later…
19. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (New Entry)
Yaaaay! Finally there is a video for this song! The video itself is simple (Think “SEVENTH HEAVEN” without the effects) but the song really brings it all together. Their last song (Yura Yura) grew on me after a while to the point that I couldn’t live without it. You see, this is what music should be!
18. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 20)
AI moves up two spots this week with her latest video. It had been a while since I had seen her (“I Wanna Know” was like…early 2006) and I was beginning to wonder if she was ever coming back. Well my prayers were answered with a kick ass video!
17. Common – The People (New Entry)
The third and final new entrant this week comes from one of my five favorite current emcees. Common is back and once again proves that hip hop in all its simplicity can still be an art. No booty butt cheeks, no gaudy chains and no overpriced cars. Just Common rapping. Simple in its brilliance. Welcome back, Common!
16. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #13)
Looks like Fall Out Boy’s emo run is coming to an end as this video falls three spots this week. Here is looking for something new soon, they are really beginning to grow on me. Shocking I will admit…
15. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #14)
Bwah?! Enrique after moving up ever so quickly last week falls back a spot to #15! Mainly because I haven’t seen the video in almost two weeks which is odd. Even still, the song is broken-hearted stalker GOLD.
14. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #15)
So Gackt switches places with Enrique this week, moving up one spot. I just got the live performance and all I can say is this. Gackt may be…the Japanese David Bowie. I have never said that because David Bowie was always a trendsetter. As is Gackt. Oh, what a conundrum this is!
13. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #10, Four weeks at #1)
The mighty has fallen from the Top 10! It looks like nobodyknows+ is on their way down and out with this video. Hopefully, we will see something new from them soon.
12. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
Yummy. That is all I can say about these ladies. Foxxi MisQ is one of two artists with two videos on the Top 20 Countdown and this video is making moves to become their second Top 10 video. Only UVERworld can stake the claim of having two videos move UPWARD in the same week. Can these sexy ladies crack the upper echelon? We will see!
11. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #8, One week at #1)
One step from the Top 10 and Yuna Ito continues her slow descent. This video has been on here FOREVER (Since March) with half of that time in the Top 10. She has a new video (although I am not feeling it as much as this one) and hopefully a new album soon.
10. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #12)
Daddy Yankee is making moves with his first video on the Top 20! He moves up with the big names first time out. Can he hang? We shall see, but this video has a hell of a lot going for it. Except Fergie…who is looking a little more mannish lately.
9. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #6)
Falling three more spots, it looks like Rascal Flats will not get their second #1 video this time around. Quite the shame, this was some good stuff.
8. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #11)
The legends have finally done it! Hyde & Co. have their first Top 10 video and made a big jump to get there. Oh, and Hyde is trying to pull a Jack Sparrow with the eye patch and the aloof thing. Eh, worth a shot.
7. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #9)
T.I. moves up two spots this week in an attempt for his third #1 video! With Common and Outkast in the Top 20 and Kanye with an interesting new video (Viva Daft Punk!) is T.I. still The King of the Countdown? After running with no competition there are others who are looking to take the crown. Step yo’ game up, TIP!
6. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #2)
Aw, man. Orange Range slips like a squid after not being able to wrestle away the #1 spot. It was a good run for these guys but it is hard to knock off the champ, especially Duran Duran 2K7. Great job anyway!
5. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #5)
Uh oh! After a meteoric rise, Foxxi MisQ and Zeebra stand pat at #5 this week! That is fine with me, it’s hard to see Dem shake it while moving upward. Can they continue their upward mobility next week? We will have to see…
4. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #7)
The hottest video out right now moves even closer to the #1 spot, leapfrogging into the Top 5 this week! Is UGK’s album out yet? I went looking for it the other day and couldn’t find it. I have always liked UGK (Hell, they saved “Big Pimpin”) and it is about fricking time they got some recognition. Well…Pimp-C was locked up for a while but still. Now it is time for the biggest three videos in the land!
3. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #1, Three weeks at #1)
NOOOOOOOOOO! After three weeks on the top, Maroon 5 fall to places out of the #1 position! Make sure you pick up the album, BTW. It wasn’t a bad run for these guys. They held off Yuna Ito, Rascal Flats, Orange Range and nobodyknows+. Not a bad claim to fame if I say so myself. And we are down to two…
2. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #4)
Well look who it is! Can Yui make it three straight #1 videos? She is making a move for it, jumping two spots to the runner up position. This would make three Number One videos in 2007 ALONE! Can you say Chachi Award for Artist of the Year? Hell, maybe in a landslide. With all that said, she is the bridesmaid and not the bride this week. Who is #1?
1. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #3, One week at #1)
RAWK, THAT’S WHO IS #1! After a lengthy trek, the guys of Abingdon Boys School commandeer the top spot for the first time! Not only that, they bookend the Countdown as their new video debuted this week at #20. Best New Artist? Look out, Daughtry! It was quite the battle, but congratulations to our new #1!
Well, that is all for this week. Can J-Rock dominate again next week with Abingdon Boys School topping the chart again? Or will Yui record her third #1 video of the calander year? Or can Maroon 5 bounce back and make it a month at the top? Don’t forget Foxxi MisQ and UGK waiting in the wings to take the crown. Tune in next week, peeps! Until then, stay up!
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started this week with a debut from a group with a video already contending for the top spot!
20. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (New Entry)
HELLS YES! Can this week GET ANY BETTER?! First “Live Free or Die Hard” and now a new video by Abingdon Boys School? Yeah, you know it. Hopefully this is the last video and an album will soon follow. I saw this video on Monday and all I can say is kilts are hard to pull off. But they make it work. Oh, and that gives these guys TWO videos in the Top 20! More on that later…
19. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (New Entry)
Yaaaay! Finally there is a video for this song! The video itself is simple (Think “SEVENTH HEAVEN” without the effects) but the song really brings it all together. Their last song (Yura Yura) grew on me after a while to the point that I couldn’t live without it. You see, this is what music should be!
18. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 20)
AI moves up two spots this week with her latest video. It had been a while since I had seen her (“I Wanna Know” was like…early 2006) and I was beginning to wonder if she was ever coming back. Well my prayers were answered with a kick ass video!
17. Common – The People (New Entry)
The third and final new entrant this week comes from one of my five favorite current emcees. Common is back and once again proves that hip hop in all its simplicity can still be an art. No booty butt cheeks, no gaudy chains and no overpriced cars. Just Common rapping. Simple in its brilliance. Welcome back, Common!
16. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #13)
Looks like Fall Out Boy’s emo run is coming to an end as this video falls three spots this week. Here is looking for something new soon, they are really beginning to grow on me. Shocking I will admit…
15. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #14)
Bwah?! Enrique after moving up ever so quickly last week falls back a spot to #15! Mainly because I haven’t seen the video in almost two weeks which is odd. Even still, the song is broken-hearted stalker GOLD.
14. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #15)
So Gackt switches places with Enrique this week, moving up one spot. I just got the live performance and all I can say is this. Gackt may be…the Japanese David Bowie. I have never said that because David Bowie was always a trendsetter. As is Gackt. Oh, what a conundrum this is!
13. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #10, Four weeks at #1)
The mighty has fallen from the Top 10! It looks like nobodyknows+ is on their way down and out with this video. Hopefully, we will see something new from them soon.
12. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
Yummy. That is all I can say about these ladies. Foxxi MisQ is one of two artists with two videos on the Top 20 Countdown and this video is making moves to become their second Top 10 video. Only UVERworld can stake the claim of having two videos move UPWARD in the same week. Can these sexy ladies crack the upper echelon? We will see!
11. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #8, One week at #1)
One step from the Top 10 and Yuna Ito continues her slow descent. This video has been on here FOREVER (Since March) with half of that time in the Top 10. She has a new video (although I am not feeling it as much as this one) and hopefully a new album soon.
10. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #12)
Daddy Yankee is making moves with his first video on the Top 20! He moves up with the big names first time out. Can he hang? We shall see, but this video has a hell of a lot going for it. Except Fergie…who is looking a little more mannish lately.
9. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #6)
Falling three more spots, it looks like Rascal Flats will not get their second #1 video this time around. Quite the shame, this was some good stuff.
8. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #11)
The legends have finally done it! Hyde & Co. have their first Top 10 video and made a big jump to get there. Oh, and Hyde is trying to pull a Jack Sparrow with the eye patch and the aloof thing. Eh, worth a shot.
7. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #9)
T.I. moves up two spots this week in an attempt for his third #1 video! With Common and Outkast in the Top 20 and Kanye with an interesting new video (Viva Daft Punk!) is T.I. still The King of the Countdown? After running with no competition there are others who are looking to take the crown. Step yo’ game up, TIP!
6. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #2)
Aw, man. Orange Range slips like a squid after not being able to wrestle away the #1 spot. It was a good run for these guys but it is hard to knock off the champ, especially Duran Duran 2K7. Great job anyway!
5. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #5)
Uh oh! After a meteoric rise, Foxxi MisQ and Zeebra stand pat at #5 this week! That is fine with me, it’s hard to see Dem shake it while moving upward. Can they continue their upward mobility next week? We will have to see…
4. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #7)
The hottest video out right now moves even closer to the #1 spot, leapfrogging into the Top 5 this week! Is UGK’s album out yet? I went looking for it the other day and couldn’t find it. I have always liked UGK (Hell, they saved “Big Pimpin”) and it is about fricking time they got some recognition. Well…Pimp-C was locked up for a while but still. Now it is time for the biggest three videos in the land!
3. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #1, Three weeks at #1)
NOOOOOOOOOO! After three weeks on the top, Maroon 5 fall to places out of the #1 position! Make sure you pick up the album, BTW. It wasn’t a bad run for these guys. They held off Yuna Ito, Rascal Flats, Orange Range and nobodyknows+. Not a bad claim to fame if I say so myself. And we are down to two…
2. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #4)
Well look who it is! Can Yui make it three straight #1 videos? She is making a move for it, jumping two spots to the runner up position. This would make three Number One videos in 2007 ALONE! Can you say Chachi Award for Artist of the Year? Hell, maybe in a landslide. With all that said, she is the bridesmaid and not the bride this week. Who is #1?
1. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #3, One week at #1)
RAWK, THAT’S WHO IS #1! After a lengthy trek, the guys of Abingdon Boys School commandeer the top spot for the first time! Not only that, they bookend the Countdown as their new video debuted this week at #20. Best New Artist? Look out, Daughtry! It was quite the battle, but congratulations to our new #1!
Well, that is all for this week. Can J-Rock dominate again next week with Abingdon Boys School topping the chart again? Or will Yui record her third #1 video of the calander year? Or can Maroon 5 bounce back and make it a month at the top? Don’t forget Foxxi MisQ and UGK waiting in the wings to take the crown. Tune in next week, peeps! Until then, stay up!
Chachi Out.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Thursday...The Taint Of The Work Week.
I’m back, fishes! It’s a rather brisk Wednesday and you know what that means, don’t you? It’s time for a special edition of…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
This Week: “Live Free or Die Hard”
So last night I caught the premire of “Live Free or Die Hard”. Well, normally I would give the pros and cons of a movie at this point. I skipped that with Ratatouille because it was that good and I have to say…I am going to do the same thing here. This movie kicked ASS.
It had jokes, action, explosions and an excellent and relevant (Albeit a TAD farfetched, but so is a movie about a rat chef and a man with spider powers) plot. There were moments where belief had to be suspended but DUH it’s Die Hard. Have you SEEN the series? It is to be expected. The biggest surprise was the acting. Everyone was awesome and aside from “Ratatouille” and “Knocked Up” this was the best cast work of the summer so far. Bruce Willis was bad ass (yet got his ass KICKED) as John McLane was the best action hero of the summer in a movie based in this century (Leonidus, fool!) while Justin Long was on an “Accepted” level of funny. He has finally shook that annoying ass Apple kid stigma from me. Oh, and all the hacking? Done on PC’s because no one GIVES A FUCK ABOUT APPLE! Just had to get that out.
The only bad part about the movie is mostly a nitpick but there were some action sequences that made you say “That could happen but…c’moooooooon”. It is one thing for obviously stylized action but to have action based in reality that doesn’t end like it should (Firing 21-24 shots from one 9mm clip, the truck sequence which scientifically COULD happen but fucking WOULDN’T happen) can be a distraction. Unlike “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” where things happened that scientifically should have like…ended life in London as we know it (When the river drained into the earth’s core…shouldn’t there have been an explosion? At least some steam?!) this wasn’t as much of a damper on the movie. They happened so quickly unless you are looking for it you will miss it.
Overall this was (surprisingly) the best movie of the summer. The action was great, the dialog was funny and the effects and stunts were bad ass. Combine all three and you have what a summer movie should be. I am just as shocked as you are. So, Master Chief Captain Chachi gives “Live Free or Die Hard”…
10 Out of 10 Stars!
(Wow. If you want to see a big summer blockbuster, surprisingly this is it. Great action, funny dialog and some of the best sequences of the year this side of Sparta. Go see this right now! Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker!)
Well, that is all for now. The Countdown is up tomorrow and I am still feeling shitty (sore throat, a slight headache and exausted but nowhere near as bad as yesterday) so there may be another update as I do NOT want to give others what I have if I have something. Well, it is almost Miller Time so I will be back soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
This Week: “Live Free or Die Hard”
So last night I caught the premire of “Live Free or Die Hard”. Well, normally I would give the pros and cons of a movie at this point. I skipped that with Ratatouille because it was that good and I have to say…I am going to do the same thing here. This movie kicked ASS.
It had jokes, action, explosions and an excellent and relevant (Albeit a TAD farfetched, but so is a movie about a rat chef and a man with spider powers) plot. There were moments where belief had to be suspended but DUH it’s Die Hard. Have you SEEN the series? It is to be expected. The biggest surprise was the acting. Everyone was awesome and aside from “Ratatouille” and “Knocked Up” this was the best cast work of the summer so far. Bruce Willis was bad ass (yet got his ass KICKED) as John McLane was the best action hero of the summer in a movie based in this century (Leonidus, fool!) while Justin Long was on an “Accepted” level of funny. He has finally shook that annoying ass Apple kid stigma from me. Oh, and all the hacking? Done on PC’s because no one GIVES A FUCK ABOUT APPLE! Just had to get that out.
The only bad part about the movie is mostly a nitpick but there were some action sequences that made you say “That could happen but…c’moooooooon”. It is one thing for obviously stylized action but to have action based in reality that doesn’t end like it should (Firing 21-24 shots from one 9mm clip, the truck sequence which scientifically COULD happen but fucking WOULDN’T happen) can be a distraction. Unlike “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” where things happened that scientifically should have like…ended life in London as we know it (When the river drained into the earth’s core…shouldn’t there have been an explosion? At least some steam?!) this wasn’t as much of a damper on the movie. They happened so quickly unless you are looking for it you will miss it.
Overall this was (surprisingly) the best movie of the summer. The action was great, the dialog was funny and the effects and stunts were bad ass. Combine all three and you have what a summer movie should be. I am just as shocked as you are. So, Master Chief Captain Chachi gives “Live Free or Die Hard”…
10 Out of 10 Stars!
(Wow. If you want to see a big summer blockbuster, surprisingly this is it. Great action, funny dialog and some of the best sequences of the year this side of Sparta. Go see this right now! Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker!)
Well, that is all for now. The Countdown is up tomorrow and I am still feeling shitty (sore throat, a slight headache and exausted but nowhere near as bad as yesterday) so there may be another update as I do NOT want to give others what I have if I have something. Well, it is almost Miller Time so I will be back soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Live Free Or Die Hard? Hmm...Sounds Bro-tastic!
Wow, I totally feel like crap right now. My cube neighbor was sick last week and I think he gave me a going away gift. At least he didn’t give me scotch and go to town. Got to look at the bright side of life and all. Oh, and DayQuil tastes like ASS. After that horrible taste, this stuff better fricking work.
1. So last night was the BET Music Awards. Which I missed and didn’t care. I’m sure you guys forgot, too.
2. Erect nipples on a man…I guess that is a faux paus I didn’t know about. Not my fault the A/C is on in here.
3. There is NO NEED for the speed limit in a school zone to be 20 mph. Kids have their own channels, their own meals and now a speed limit? If you can’t use a crosswalk, you have bigger problems than speeding cars.
4. The “Transformers the Movie” soundtrack in the 1980’s had hard rockers like Megadeath, White Lion and Stan Bush (YOU’VE GOT THE POW-URRR!). The leadoff single for this years Transformers movie? Goo Goo Dolls. Bullshit! They could have at LEAST got Kenny Loggins! Have you heard the new Transformers theme? It sounds like Coldplay threw up on Radiohead and let Enya clean it up. Man, the soundtrack is totally not “teh rawk”.
5. The iPhone will rock…your wallet. $100 for 1000+ minutes? That doesn’t make sense. That doesn’t even INCLUDE the internet or any other services (I think, that could change but I doubt it). All I can say is “No, don’t! BROOOOOOO!”
6. Man, remember back when in the summer all the good video games came out? Not anymore. I understand the holiday season is the cash cow but come on, game companies. Summer is when kids get jobs, they have time when they aint working and the last thing they want to do is something constructive. With gas high and temperatures higher, they really should think about pumping out 2 or three mega-titles in the summer. It is an untapped market. Hell, movies do it! You think Spiderman 3 would have pulled $330 million plus during September?!
7. On the sports tip, do NOT be surprised if K.G. or Kobe (or BOTH) end up in the East. I don’t think the teams have the money but the NBA knows that Boston, New York and (to a lesser extent) Chicago are their money cities and a successful team there helps the whole league. With the two best picks going West and teams only getting better out there, don’t be surprised to see a mass exodus to the East like there was to the West in the 90’s (Barkley, Shaq, Kidd are a few examples) soon. I know none of you are NBA fans, but some power players in the East may pique my interest again.
8. I just spent almost 2 hours at the comic book store discussing the scientific inaccuracies of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and how much Marvel Comics is no fun now. Eh, I’m a nerd but it was the most fun I have had at lunch since Kimmy left. Can’t believe she left me.
9. I look good. I mean seriously. If I weren’t me, I would be all over me! Hell, I am me and I am TOTALLY all over me! Why yes, I AM wearing Bugle Boy jeans. And they look HAWT.
10. Man…Fiddy is officially part silverback. This is not a statement of race; this is a statement of ugly. And Curtis Jackson looks like he got beat with an ugly mace. The man is swole, I will give you that. But the question is ladies: are you into interspecies erotica? If you are in to 50 Cent, you are into simian love. I’m just saying. The Rabilla strikes:
A silverback with opposable thumbs? Wow, he must be the missing link. Mush mouthed, meat-faced cretin. I kid, people!
And that is what I have learned so far this week. I should be back tomorrow for a special Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood and the Top 20 Video Countdown on Friday. The movie review may wait until Saturday/Sunday if I go to Denver and see “Sicko” on Friday. I’m poor, so the odds of that are slim. Until next time, stay up peeps!
Oh, and Power Rangers was RACIST!
Slave master Zordon! Why the Black man got to have a gun and breakdance? Bullshit!
Chachi Out.
1. So last night was the BET Music Awards. Which I missed and didn’t care. I’m sure you guys forgot, too.
2. Erect nipples on a man…I guess that is a faux paus I didn’t know about. Not my fault the A/C is on in here.
3. There is NO NEED for the speed limit in a school zone to be 20 mph. Kids have their own channels, their own meals and now a speed limit? If you can’t use a crosswalk, you have bigger problems than speeding cars.
4. The “Transformers the Movie” soundtrack in the 1980’s had hard rockers like Megadeath, White Lion and Stan Bush (YOU’VE GOT THE POW-URRR!). The leadoff single for this years Transformers movie? Goo Goo Dolls. Bullshit! They could have at LEAST got Kenny Loggins! Have you heard the new Transformers theme? It sounds like Coldplay threw up on Radiohead and let Enya clean it up. Man, the soundtrack is totally not “teh rawk”.
5. The iPhone will rock…your wallet. $100 for 1000+ minutes? That doesn’t make sense. That doesn’t even INCLUDE the internet or any other services (I think, that could change but I doubt it). All I can say is “No, don’t! BROOOOOOO!”
6. Man, remember back when in the summer all the good video games came out? Not anymore. I understand the holiday season is the cash cow but come on, game companies. Summer is when kids get jobs, they have time when they aint working and the last thing they want to do is something constructive. With gas high and temperatures higher, they really should think about pumping out 2 or three mega-titles in the summer. It is an untapped market. Hell, movies do it! You think Spiderman 3 would have pulled $330 million plus during September?!
7. On the sports tip, do NOT be surprised if K.G. or Kobe (or BOTH) end up in the East. I don’t think the teams have the money but the NBA knows that Boston, New York and (to a lesser extent) Chicago are their money cities and a successful team there helps the whole league. With the two best picks going West and teams only getting better out there, don’t be surprised to see a mass exodus to the East like there was to the West in the 90’s (Barkley, Shaq, Kidd are a few examples) soon. I know none of you are NBA fans, but some power players in the East may pique my interest again.
8. I just spent almost 2 hours at the comic book store discussing the scientific inaccuracies of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and how much Marvel Comics is no fun now. Eh, I’m a nerd but it was the most fun I have had at lunch since Kimmy left. Can’t believe she left me.
9. I look good. I mean seriously. If I weren’t me, I would be all over me! Hell, I am me and I am TOTALLY all over me! Why yes, I AM wearing Bugle Boy jeans. And they look HAWT.
10. Man…Fiddy is officially part silverback. This is not a statement of race; this is a statement of ugly. And Curtis Jackson looks like he got beat with an ugly mace. The man is swole, I will give you that. But the question is ladies: are you into interspecies erotica? If you are in to 50 Cent, you are into simian love. I’m just saying. The Rabilla strikes:
A silverback with opposable thumbs? Wow, he must be the missing link. Mush mouthed, meat-faced cretin. I kid, people!
And that is what I have learned so far this week. I should be back tomorrow for a special Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood and the Top 20 Video Countdown on Friday. The movie review may wait until Saturday/Sunday if I go to Denver and see “Sicko” on Friday. I’m poor, so the odds of that are slim. Until next time, stay up peeps!
Oh, and Power Rangers was RACIST!
Slave master Zordon! Why the Black man got to have a gun and breakdance? Bullshit!
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wow. I Really Dont Have The Words Right Now...
My heart has officially been ripped out. Damn, I want to go home now. May mean nothing to you, but this turns my world upside down. I honestly looked up to Chris Benoit like a hero...an idol. Reports are still saying "theory" and it still just doesnt make sense. However, if it is what it is then all I can say is I'm heartbroken, stunned and disappointed. I never would have imagined ANYTHING like this from Chris. I didnt know him personally, but I find it hard to believe that how he felt about Daniel and Nancy was and "act" and he was violent. I just...I just dont know what to say right now.
As Ron Simmons would say....
DAMN.
(Update: It is starting to settle in now. Sometimes...people werent what you thought they were. Still hurts to think about it, though)
As Ron Simmons would say....
DAMN.
(Update: It is starting to settle in now. Sometimes...people werent what you thought they were. Still hurts to think about it, though)
All Filler, No Vitamins.
Heh, I guess Tom will HAVE to sue them in England:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/25/cruise.germany.reut/index.html
Tally so far:
Germany: 2 (Hate them all you want, they are down with The Hoff)
Tom Cruise: 1 (Sorry, I liked "Risky Business")
You know, I really kind of want to see “Valkyrie”, sad to say. It has Kenneth Branagh (who rates as one of the greatest movie villains EVER with his portrayal of Ra's Al Ghul in "Batman Begins") and Bryan Singer as director who did the first two X-Men and Superman Returns which kind of got a bad rap, including from yours truly. In retrospect the problem is that it was trying to be a retelling of the origin when it should have been a sequel to the second movie. That and he had no villain, to which I say boo but true. It’s hard to write a foe about a man that beat the crap out of an angel (Asmodel) and reversed the Earths’ rotation, as lame as it was.
Deathstroke The Terminator or "Slade" to you Teen Titan fans (and maybe Metallo)
+
Krytonite being used as a fuel alternative (This could be where Metallo comes in to play)
+
A cameo by the Green Arrow (For a human touch because getting Batman for this wouldn’t happen)
+
Lex for Governor! (Rather than president. Have him working for that at the end, sets up a kick ass sequel with Darkseid. Yeah, I have thought this out.)
=
Happy Action Fun Time!
See, making movies isn’t rocket science. If Tarentino can do it, I sure as hell can.
Well, that is all for now. Hopefully, the first season of Megas XLR will be downloaded by the time I get home. Because we all know that chicks dig giant robots. No they don’t, that is why I’m watching it by myself:
Wha-eva! Giant robots 4 life! Transformers in 7 days!
Chachi, Transform and Roll Out!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/25/cruise.germany.reut/index.html
Tally so far:
Germany: 2 (Hate them all you want, they are down with The Hoff)
Tom Cruise: 1 (Sorry, I liked "Risky Business")
You know, I really kind of want to see “Valkyrie”, sad to say. It has Kenneth Branagh (who rates as one of the greatest movie villains EVER with his portrayal of Ra's Al Ghul in "Batman Begins") and Bryan Singer as director who did the first two X-Men and Superman Returns which kind of got a bad rap, including from yours truly. In retrospect the problem is that it was trying to be a retelling of the origin when it should have been a sequel to the second movie. That and he had no villain, to which I say boo but true. It’s hard to write a foe about a man that beat the crap out of an angel (Asmodel) and reversed the Earths’ rotation, as lame as it was.
Deathstroke The Terminator or "Slade" to you Teen Titan fans (and maybe Metallo)
+
Krytonite being used as a fuel alternative (This could be where Metallo comes in to play)
+
A cameo by the Green Arrow (For a human touch because getting Batman for this wouldn’t happen)
+
Lex for Governor! (Rather than president. Have him working for that at the end, sets up a kick ass sequel with Darkseid. Yeah, I have thought this out.)
=
Happy Action Fun Time!
See, making movies isn’t rocket science. If Tarentino can do it, I sure as hell can.
Well, that is all for now. Hopefully, the first season of Megas XLR will be downloaded by the time I get home. Because we all know that chicks dig giant robots. No they don’t, that is why I’m watching it by myself:
Wha-eva! Giant robots 4 life! Transformers in 7 days!
Chachi, Transform and Roll Out!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Rest In Peace, Chris Benoit (May 21, 1967 - June 25, 2007)
No blog today, just a post to honor for one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy and their son Daniel were found dead in their Atlanta, Georgia home last night. Rather than a post, I just want to say thank you, Chris. Thank you for the memories and most of all thank you for Wrestlemania XX. You earned it. 
For 22 years of memories, again I thank you.
Chris Benoit, you will be missed.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
This Post Was Edited With...A PC.
What is up, peeps? It is Sunday and it is time for a weekly wrap up! First off, it is time for yet another double-header edition of…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
Evan Almighty & 1408
So on Friday night because nothing else was out, Zach and I went to see Evan Almighty. As one who didn’t see Bruce Almighty in the theaters I wasn’t really a fan of the movie. Except for Morgan Freeman being God. I bought him more than George Burns. That is not a knock on “Oh God! You Devil!” I am just saying. The man is 308 and still kicking. Anyway, after watching the movie there was some good, some bad and a whole lot of God.
The movie was funny (in parts) but there really isn’t much you can do with Noah, seeing as the story is straightforward. You build an ark, animals get on it, that’s pretty much all there is to it. However, what saved this movie were the individual performances.
Steve Carell is a lot better a character actor than he lets on. Much like in The Office or 40 year Old Virgin I believe that all his roles are in some way an extension of himself. That may not show range, but for the role it was spot on. He never was an unlikable character, which is what Jim Carrey was in the first one. The scope is different (Bruce was given the powers of God while Evan was given the powers of…Noah) which played a role of course but despite the lack of depth to Evan, it worked for the purpose. Meanwhile, Wanda Sykes and Jonah Hill were funny in their roles and John Goodman invokd the spirit of Walter for his role as the evil Congressman Long.
However, all told the sum of the performances don’t equal a great movie. The combined roles didn’t make the movie totally enjoyable because the plot just…happened. He makes a prayer, God answers, he builds a boat, animals do funny things, climax with CGI, ending with a moral (literally). I know that is what is SUPPOSED to happen but there could have been more fun to it. The movie kind of just happened.
Nowhere NEAR as funny as the other major comedy of the summer (Knocked Up) and isn’t even in the same league as the most rockingest movie ever (ATHFCMFFT) in the hilarity department. All that being said it wasn’t a bad movie. Just not a summer blockbuster and not as funny as I would expect from the combined cast. Worth a watch as a matinee, though. The Chachi gives this movie…
6.5 Out of 10!
(The movie is by the numbers, but it IS by the numbers and funny. Don’t expect any side-splitting humor (like Shrek 3) or a fun family thrill ride (like Ratatouille) but it is a very enjoyable movie.)
So after a little disappointment (I didn’t HATE the movie, I was just expecting a lot more from the cast) I went to see 1408 on Saturday afternoon and first off I must say that anything with Samuel L. Jackson starts off with 5 motherfucking stars. Seeing the trailers, I was expecting “The Sixth Sense” meets “The Ring” minus the goodness of the previous and multiplying the suck of the latter. Yet…I was pleasantly surprised in retrospect.
This may have been a case of expecting nothing and getting something so you are more satisfied. Which may be true but this movie was pretty enjoyable. I can put this as the top horror/suspense/thriller of the summer without even seeing Grindhouse or Hostel 2 (and I never fucking will) just based on the story. Now there were parts left dangling like Don Rickles’s neck fat (What brought on the change in his writing style, his original book, all the property damage to the room that happened throughout the movie makes no sense) but a lot of that is just nit-picking on my end.
At the end of the day, John Cusack actually did a great job showing the mental breakdown that room 1408 could cause someone. Even though he does kind of go all over the place, that is kind of what the story and role entails. Sammy J, although he has a short time on screen gets his role across early and sets the tone of “maybe he SHOULDN’T do this” right from the get go. The movie is paced excellently (when he hits rock bottom is when he finally breaks through) and the ending is interesting to say the least.
Overall, it was a good movie. A good weekend matinee and so far the best movie if you are looking for any kind of summer tense-fest. I didn’t jump ONCE and it wasn’t scary as much as it was kind of tense. Worth checking out, if for nothing than to hear Sammy J yell “It’s a motherfucking fire!” The Chachi give “1408”
7.5 Out of 10 Stars!
(Your best bet so far if you are looking for some suspense filled summer fun. The plot is a bit disjointed to say the least but the ending once you think about it leaves you vindicated after the jacked up trip the movie itself is. Nowhere near as bad as it had the chance to be, actually enjoyable.)
So I have my new computer ALMOST up and running. I had to get new speakers (the sub was sounding funny and only two worked so it was about time anyway. Six years is a LONG TIME) and a new DVD Burner but aside from that all my stuff is up and running. My hard drive wont fit STILL but I was prepared for that. My software is all up and installed and despite what I have heard, I have had no problems with Windows Vista. As a matter of fact, I like it a little better than Windows XP. If people went to Apple because of Vista you are a mouthbreather because it is easy to use and simple to navigate if you used Windows ME (Which sucked depending on who you ask. I had it and had no issues with it but to each their own) or have two brain cells to rub together. Let me address some complaints people have told me while I was out (I had a lengthy discussion about Vista at Best Buy yesterday while waiting for Nolan to get off work). It is now time for a new installment of Passion of Chachi!
Chachi’s Tech Talk!
This Week: Windows Vista
Problem #1: It’s Slow!
Well I heard that from three people at Best Buy bitching about how they liked XP better. I asked all of them how much memory they had. They all said one gig. Well, if you know anything about computer you know that memory is your resource that your computer draws from to complete/run tasks. Your processor POWERS the computer but the memory lets it do stuff. If you think one gig should do you then you are an r-tard. I mean it sucks but new tech calls for more resources. Just the way it is. I have 2Gb of memory and I am kicking ass and taking names. Hell, I found a place to get 1GB chips for $35 so for about $70 I will have 4GB of memory and I will be good to go for a bit. So if you are out there running Vista on 1Gb of memory then you deserve to run slow because YOU ARE SLOW.
Problem #2: It’s Confusing!
Yeah, initially it is. I was lost when I first booted up (Took me a minute to put in my sound card and needless to say I was pissed off for a while) but after a while you realize that nothing much has changed. If you have been running any version of Windows (which 90% of you have I guarantee have) over the last 15 years then you know what to do. Not only that, it has a pretty convincing Classic view that can alleviate those that fear change. Once you tinker around with it, you get a pretty good feel for it and I like how the taskbar shows a preview of what is in the window. This is a legit gripe but all OS releases ARE confusing when they come out until you get through it.
Problem #3: All Those Warnings! I Can’t Do Anything!
You can turn them off, shut up. Those you can’t have ALWAYS been in Windows and they are on Macs, too.
Problem #4: Nothing Works!
Well, I installed 8 programs, codecs and clients on my computer and you know what? All of them work. If you want to run “Hello Kittys Summer Adventure Island” that ran on Windows 98 it might not work. All the components I have added (firewire, Soundblaster, DVD burner) work just fine as well. Not sure what people are adding or if you are familiar with what the hell you are doing but for the most part it is plug and play. Besides, nothing works on an OS when it is released! Once again, after a few months all the patches and updates are released and everything is alright.
For the most part, if you have used Windows in the past you can navigate Vista. If you can’t, read a book or tinker with it. It is kind of idiot proof so you have to really try to fuck it up.
Well, I have to run and do some errands for work tomorrow. I do have one thing to talk about quickly. Not many of you know who Emyli is, but she was on that m-Flo and Diggy-Mo song “Dopamine”:
And on “Loop In My Heart: with M-Flo and Yoshika:
Like I said a while back, she can WORK a skirt. Well, she recently turned 18 (last year actually) and she has officially become a woman:
All I can say is DAMN. Just…DAMN. I really wish she would wear more clothes (not everyone NEEDS to be Kumi Koda) but I really cant complain because she is damn fine. DAMN FINE. She has so grown up…I think I am going to cry. Oh, and Crystal Kay is creeping up on Yuna Ito levels of perfection:
I have so missed you, baby. I will sleep well tonight. There should be a special edition of Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood this Thursday as I think I will see “Live Free or Die Hard” Wednesday night. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood!
Evan Almighty & 1408
So on Friday night because nothing else was out, Zach and I went to see Evan Almighty. As one who didn’t see Bruce Almighty in the theaters I wasn’t really a fan of the movie. Except for Morgan Freeman being God. I bought him more than George Burns. That is not a knock on “Oh God! You Devil!” I am just saying. The man is 308 and still kicking. Anyway, after watching the movie there was some good, some bad and a whole lot of God.
The movie was funny (in parts) but there really isn’t much you can do with Noah, seeing as the story is straightforward. You build an ark, animals get on it, that’s pretty much all there is to it. However, what saved this movie were the individual performances.
Steve Carell is a lot better a character actor than he lets on. Much like in The Office or 40 year Old Virgin I believe that all his roles are in some way an extension of himself. That may not show range, but for the role it was spot on. He never was an unlikable character, which is what Jim Carrey was in the first one. The scope is different (Bruce was given the powers of God while Evan was given the powers of…Noah) which played a role of course but despite the lack of depth to Evan, it worked for the purpose. Meanwhile, Wanda Sykes and Jonah Hill were funny in their roles and John Goodman invokd the spirit of Walter for his role as the evil Congressman Long.
However, all told the sum of the performances don’t equal a great movie. The combined roles didn’t make the movie totally enjoyable because the plot just…happened. He makes a prayer, God answers, he builds a boat, animals do funny things, climax with CGI, ending with a moral (literally). I know that is what is SUPPOSED to happen but there could have been more fun to it. The movie kind of just happened.
Nowhere NEAR as funny as the other major comedy of the summer (Knocked Up) and isn’t even in the same league as the most rockingest movie ever (ATHFCMFFT) in the hilarity department. All that being said it wasn’t a bad movie. Just not a summer blockbuster and not as funny as I would expect from the combined cast. Worth a watch as a matinee, though. The Chachi gives this movie…
6.5 Out of 10!
(The movie is by the numbers, but it IS by the numbers and funny. Don’t expect any side-splitting humor (like Shrek 3) or a fun family thrill ride (like Ratatouille) but it is a very enjoyable movie.)
So after a little disappointment (I didn’t HATE the movie, I was just expecting a lot more from the cast) I went to see 1408 on Saturday afternoon and first off I must say that anything with Samuel L. Jackson starts off with 5 motherfucking stars. Seeing the trailers, I was expecting “The Sixth Sense” meets “The Ring” minus the goodness of the previous and multiplying the suck of the latter. Yet…I was pleasantly surprised in retrospect.
This may have been a case of expecting nothing and getting something so you are more satisfied. Which may be true but this movie was pretty enjoyable. I can put this as the top horror/suspense/thriller of the summer without even seeing Grindhouse or Hostel 2 (and I never fucking will) just based on the story. Now there were parts left dangling like Don Rickles’s neck fat (What brought on the change in his writing style, his original book, all the property damage to the room that happened throughout the movie makes no sense) but a lot of that is just nit-picking on my end.
At the end of the day, John Cusack actually did a great job showing the mental breakdown that room 1408 could cause someone. Even though he does kind of go all over the place, that is kind of what the story and role entails. Sammy J, although he has a short time on screen gets his role across early and sets the tone of “maybe he SHOULDN’T do this” right from the get go. The movie is paced excellently (when he hits rock bottom is when he finally breaks through) and the ending is interesting to say the least.
Overall, it was a good movie. A good weekend matinee and so far the best movie if you are looking for any kind of summer tense-fest. I didn’t jump ONCE and it wasn’t scary as much as it was kind of tense. Worth checking out, if for nothing than to hear Sammy J yell “It’s a motherfucking fire!” The Chachi give “1408”
7.5 Out of 10 Stars!
(Your best bet so far if you are looking for some suspense filled summer fun. The plot is a bit disjointed to say the least but the ending once you think about it leaves you vindicated after the jacked up trip the movie itself is. Nowhere near as bad as it had the chance to be, actually enjoyable.)
So I have my new computer ALMOST up and running. I had to get new speakers (the sub was sounding funny and only two worked so it was about time anyway. Six years is a LONG TIME) and a new DVD Burner but aside from that all my stuff is up and running. My hard drive wont fit STILL but I was prepared for that. My software is all up and installed and despite what I have heard, I have had no problems with Windows Vista. As a matter of fact, I like it a little better than Windows XP. If people went to Apple because of Vista you are a mouthbreather because it is easy to use and simple to navigate if you used Windows ME (Which sucked depending on who you ask. I had it and had no issues with it but to each their own) or have two brain cells to rub together. Let me address some complaints people have told me while I was out (I had a lengthy discussion about Vista at Best Buy yesterday while waiting for Nolan to get off work). It is now time for a new installment of Passion of Chachi!
Chachi’s Tech Talk!
This Week: Windows Vista
Problem #1: It’s Slow!
Well I heard that from three people at Best Buy bitching about how they liked XP better. I asked all of them how much memory they had. They all said one gig. Well, if you know anything about computer you know that memory is your resource that your computer draws from to complete/run tasks. Your processor POWERS the computer but the memory lets it do stuff. If you think one gig should do you then you are an r-tard. I mean it sucks but new tech calls for more resources. Just the way it is. I have 2Gb of memory and I am kicking ass and taking names. Hell, I found a place to get 1GB chips for $35 so for about $70 I will have 4GB of memory and I will be good to go for a bit. So if you are out there running Vista on 1Gb of memory then you deserve to run slow because YOU ARE SLOW.
Problem #2: It’s Confusing!
Yeah, initially it is. I was lost when I first booted up (Took me a minute to put in my sound card and needless to say I was pissed off for a while) but after a while you realize that nothing much has changed. If you have been running any version of Windows (which 90% of you have I guarantee have) over the last 15 years then you know what to do. Not only that, it has a pretty convincing Classic view that can alleviate those that fear change. Once you tinker around with it, you get a pretty good feel for it and I like how the taskbar shows a preview of what is in the window. This is a legit gripe but all OS releases ARE confusing when they come out until you get through it.
Problem #3: All Those Warnings! I Can’t Do Anything!
You can turn them off, shut up. Those you can’t have ALWAYS been in Windows and they are on Macs, too.
Problem #4: Nothing Works!
Well, I installed 8 programs, codecs and clients on my computer and you know what? All of them work. If you want to run “Hello Kittys Summer Adventure Island” that ran on Windows 98 it might not work. All the components I have added (firewire, Soundblaster, DVD burner) work just fine as well. Not sure what people are adding or if you are familiar with what the hell you are doing but for the most part it is plug and play. Besides, nothing works on an OS when it is released! Once again, after a few months all the patches and updates are released and everything is alright.
For the most part, if you have used Windows in the past you can navigate Vista. If you can’t, read a book or tinker with it. It is kind of idiot proof so you have to really try to fuck it up.
Well, I have to run and do some errands for work tomorrow. I do have one thing to talk about quickly. Not many of you know who Emyli is, but she was on that m-Flo and Diggy-Mo song “Dopamine”:
And on “Loop In My Heart: with M-Flo and Yoshika:
Like I said a while back, she can WORK a skirt. Well, she recently turned 18 (last year actually) and she has officially become a woman:
All I can say is DAMN. Just…DAMN. I really wish she would wear more clothes (not everyone NEEDS to be Kumi Koda) but I really cant complain because she is damn fine. DAMN FINE. She has so grown up…I think I am going to cry. Oh, and Crystal Kay is creeping up on Yuna Ito levels of perfection:
I have so missed you, baby. I will sleep well tonight. There should be a special edition of Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood this Thursday as I think I will see “Live Free or Die Hard” Wednesday night. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Due To Some Technical Difficulties, Programming Will Be Reshuffled.
What is up, peeps! It is a HOT ASS THURSDAY here in the CSP and I have something special for you today. I picked up my computer yesterday from FedEx (after getting lost…I’ll tell you about it if you want to know but it is embarrassing) and I am in the process of some troubleshooting on my old motherboard and drives to make sure they are operational. Anyone who is looking for CPU parts let me know. I’ll list what I have after I see what works and I can keep.
Anyway, odds are I will be doing the changeover on Friday evening and seeing “Evan Almighty” Friday night so the Top 20 Video Countdown will be postponed. Until right now! Here it is, a day early!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We get started this week with a new entry!
20. AI – I’ll Remember You (New Entry)
Welcome back! It has been a LONG ASS TIME since I have had some AI to listen to! To make it up to me, she gave me two videos. I like “Brand New Day” a tad more than “I’ll Remember You” because it is happy. Quite the underrated summer jam if I say so myself.
19. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #16)
So um…yeah I have put up the remix with Lil Mama on it. All I can say is that it wasn’t mind-numbingly bad. It was not great, don’t get it twisted. It could have been a lot worse. Doesn’t help this week, as this video falls three more spots to the bottom of the Countdown. So odds are, it will be the last time you see it. Yaaaay, me!
18. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #15)
After holding on for two and a half months and not reaching the Top 10, M-Flo and Her Fineness Crystal Kay falls a big three places this week. Crystal Kay has a new album coming in soon (TODAY!) and VERBAL has a new song with Emyli (who knows how to work a skirt, I tell you what) so they shouldn’t be gone for too much longer.
17. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #20)
First Crystal Kay, now Foxxi MisQ. This day aint so bad after all! Their album should be here in July and I must say I cannot wait! Their singles have been awesome (“Alive” may have made more men out of boys than Kumi Koda’s “Juicy”. Juicy got ‘em crazy!) so the album should be well worth the wait. Oh, and they’s hot. Just had to mention that.
16. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #13, one week at #1)
NOOOOOOOOOOO! Yui falls three more spots this week with this video. So I got the live performance of this song (I think it was Music Station but I am not sure) in Hi-Def and all I can say is that she is so cute! If Mandy Moore played acoustic guitar (Oh wow…I think my heart just stopped) that would be the only thing cuter. Holding a kitten singing the Care Bears song wouldn’t hurt.
15. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #18)
So I still can’t find any episodes of the show this song is from. That kind of sucks, because it looks totally bad ass. At least I have this video to tide me over. Oh, and its nice to hear the rocked out Gackt. Love the ballads but sometimes you just wanna see the hawtest man in music cut loose.
14. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #17)
So Enrique and Ricky Martin are NOT THE SAME PERSON? Wow…my world has been turned totally topsy-turvy. Well, guess it fits. Ricky could never do a song and video like this. That and Ricky sometimes reminds me of The Creeper on the Animated Adventures of Batman & Robin. Look at him, its true!
13. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #9)
God…I really don’t like Tag body spray. You know, not even because of the commercials anymore (they kind of run together so I can ignore them) or the bro usage. That stuff SMELLS LIKE SHIT. I mean Axe has…one good scent (Phoenix has a subtle smell to it) but all Tag smells like locker room. And if there is one place I really don’t need to go back to, its high school.
12. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #14)
So…um…I like Fergie’s new song. SHUT UP! Its not about her because she is obviously a man, but “Big Girls Don’t Cry” is surprisingly not crappy. Makes up for Fergalisious or whatever it was called. Oh, and Daddy Yankee has yet to disappoint me in the video and song department. DAH-DEE YAN-KAY!
11. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #12)
Hyde and the boys are one step away from their first Top 10! This video has always been cool but the song used to be kind of average until a few listens and now I like it a lot. Its no “Fourth Avenue Café” but few (as in no) songs are. We have made it to the Top 10!
10. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #7, Four weeks at #1)
We begin the top half with a video that held the Countdown on lock for a month in May and is now making a slow decent, landing at #10. Havent heard much new from these guys and Naruto had a break this week (BOOOOOO!) so a new episode should be out Friday. Come on, the heroes need a comeback!
9. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #10)
So T.I. has a SECOND video! I just saw it last night while I was transferring files to my back up drive and it isn’t TOO bad. It is the simple hip hop video fare (to which I say boo to that) but once again…it’s T.I. so I will let that slide for a while. They all can’t be “What You Know”.
8. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #4, One week at #1)
I cry on the inside. AND THE OUTSIDE! My baby boo falls four big spots this week and out of the Top Five for the first time since May! She has a new video and a rumored album in August but I need to verify that. Because…you know…I think she is quite the special and I need to be first to have it. Still cant find episode 2 of “Unfair” either. Dammit.
7. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #11, Biggest Mover)
Andre Three Stacks, Sweet Jones, The King of Trill and Daddy Fat Sacks move up four big spots into the Top 10! They have the fastest rising video for the second straight week and rightfully so. Four verses, four different styles and yet they all mesh together. And Pimp-C surfs on a beat like Kelly Slater. Seriously, he puts in work.
6. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #2)
After coming one step away from standing on top, Rascal Flats falls four spots to #6. This video has fallen (sadly) out of the rotation and when are they coming out with a new damn album?! Prince has a new album every other day! Although…Prince is Prince. We have now entered the Top 5!
5. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #8)
Did it just get hot in here? Of course it did! Foxxi Misq has their first ever Top 5 video with this little ditty. Yeah, I know they may not be my typical lady, but something about funky fresh dance moves (in an EVENING GOWN no less) and Dem in short shorts make me happy to see this video. I could do without the cars, but it plays in with the theme.
4. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #5)
Well, different day same result. Yui is once again climbing up the mountain in attempt for the #1 video! I got a live performance of this song too and all I can say is that Yui has a pretty good band behind her. This video has grown on me (has a “Rolling Star” quality to it) and hopefully this means a Yui concert special at some point this summer! I can dream, cant I?
3. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #6)
HELL YES! Abingdon Boys School makes a leap into the Top 3 as they attempt for their first #1 ever on their first trip! This video is simple, but the song shines through because of it. Also, I lost all my “Darker Than Black” episodes (FUUUUUUCK) so I have to get them again. I was only on…episode one? It was still good stuff from what I saw. Here is to an Abingdon Boys School album soon!
2. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #3)
Orange Range is one step from the top spot after moving up one place this week! They are tied with Game for the most videos on the Top 20 Video Countdown without a #1 video (Both have had three videos. He’s come close, two #3’s and a #4) and this is as close as they have ever been! Are they up for the challenge? We will have to see!
1. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #1, Three weeks at #1)
Well, it makes me wonder if ANYONE can take these guys down! Maroon 5 tops the chart for the third straight week, taking on nobodyknows+, Rascal Flats and Yuna Ito to defend their crown! This video has taken on all comers and sent them to the briny deep below! The album isn’t too shabby, either. Congratulations, guys!
Well, that is all for today! Tune in on the Countdown’s normal day next Friday to see if Maroon 5 can make it a full month at #1! Or will Orange Range finally secure a Number One video? Or can j-rawk top the Top 20 for the first time since Beat Crusaders with Abingdon Boys School? There are some heavy hitters (Yui and T.I.) along with some newcomers (Foxxi MisQ and UGK) looking to take the crown this summer as well! It should be interesting, stay tuned and see you next Friday!
So I should be back up and running either LAAAAAATE tomorrow night or Saturday afternoon at the latest. I will give an update on how the computer change over went. All I can say is that CompUSA was like Gateway Country except with not as smart or funny employees. We were dicks to customers, but at least we were funny dicks:
“Well, Gateway is one of many computer manufacturers. You chose us…and it looks like a big ass mistake. Sorry but the power is not mine to help you. You thought about Circuit City?”
Man, greatest last day ever. And dammit, I forgot the glitter! As you can see, I suck at customer service, yet did it in some form for seven years. Oh, the irony…
I will be back with an update soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
Anyway, odds are I will be doing the changeover on Friday evening and seeing “Evan Almighty” Friday night so the Top 20 Video Countdown will be postponed. Until right now! Here it is, a day early!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We get started this week with a new entry!
20. AI – I’ll Remember You (New Entry)
Welcome back! It has been a LONG ASS TIME since I have had some AI to listen to! To make it up to me, she gave me two videos. I like “Brand New Day” a tad more than “I’ll Remember You” because it is happy. Quite the underrated summer jam if I say so myself.
19. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #16)
So um…yeah I have put up the remix with Lil Mama on it. All I can say is that it wasn’t mind-numbingly bad. It was not great, don’t get it twisted. It could have been a lot worse. Doesn’t help this week, as this video falls three more spots to the bottom of the Countdown. So odds are, it will be the last time you see it. Yaaaay, me!
18. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #15)
After holding on for two and a half months and not reaching the Top 10, M-Flo and Her Fineness Crystal Kay falls a big three places this week. Crystal Kay has a new album coming in soon (TODAY!) and VERBAL has a new song with Emyli (who knows how to work a skirt, I tell you what) so they shouldn’t be gone for too much longer.
17. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #20)
First Crystal Kay, now Foxxi MisQ. This day aint so bad after all! Their album should be here in July and I must say I cannot wait! Their singles have been awesome (“Alive” may have made more men out of boys than Kumi Koda’s “Juicy”. Juicy got ‘em crazy!) so the album should be well worth the wait. Oh, and they’s hot. Just had to mention that.
16. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #13, one week at #1)
NOOOOOOOOOOO! Yui falls three more spots this week with this video. So I got the live performance of this song (I think it was Music Station but I am not sure) in Hi-Def and all I can say is that she is so cute! If Mandy Moore played acoustic guitar (Oh wow…I think my heart just stopped) that would be the only thing cuter. Holding a kitten singing the Care Bears song wouldn’t hurt.
15. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #18)
So I still can’t find any episodes of the show this song is from. That kind of sucks, because it looks totally bad ass. At least I have this video to tide me over. Oh, and its nice to hear the rocked out Gackt. Love the ballads but sometimes you just wanna see the hawtest man in music cut loose.
14. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #17)
So Enrique and Ricky Martin are NOT THE SAME PERSON? Wow…my world has been turned totally topsy-turvy. Well, guess it fits. Ricky could never do a song and video like this. That and Ricky sometimes reminds me of The Creeper on the Animated Adventures of Batman & Robin. Look at him, its true!
13. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #9)
God…I really don’t like Tag body spray. You know, not even because of the commercials anymore (they kind of run together so I can ignore them) or the bro usage. That stuff SMELLS LIKE SHIT. I mean Axe has…one good scent (Phoenix has a subtle smell to it) but all Tag smells like locker room. And if there is one place I really don’t need to go back to, its high school.
12. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #14)
So…um…I like Fergie’s new song. SHUT UP! Its not about her because she is obviously a man, but “Big Girls Don’t Cry” is surprisingly not crappy. Makes up for Fergalisious or whatever it was called. Oh, and Daddy Yankee has yet to disappoint me in the video and song department. DAH-DEE YAN-KAY!
11. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #12)
Hyde and the boys are one step away from their first Top 10! This video has always been cool but the song used to be kind of average until a few listens and now I like it a lot. Its no “Fourth Avenue Café” but few (as in no) songs are. We have made it to the Top 10!
10. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #7, Four weeks at #1)
We begin the top half with a video that held the Countdown on lock for a month in May and is now making a slow decent, landing at #10. Havent heard much new from these guys and Naruto had a break this week (BOOOOOO!) so a new episode should be out Friday. Come on, the heroes need a comeback!
9. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #10)
So T.I. has a SECOND video! I just saw it last night while I was transferring files to my back up drive and it isn’t TOO bad. It is the simple hip hop video fare (to which I say boo to that) but once again…it’s T.I. so I will let that slide for a while. They all can’t be “What You Know”.
8. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #4, One week at #1)
I cry on the inside. AND THE OUTSIDE! My baby boo falls four big spots this week and out of the Top Five for the first time since May! She has a new video and a rumored album in August but I need to verify that. Because…you know…I think she is quite the special and I need to be first to have it. Still cant find episode 2 of “Unfair” either. Dammit.
7. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #11, Biggest Mover)
Andre Three Stacks, Sweet Jones, The King of Trill and Daddy Fat Sacks move up four big spots into the Top 10! They have the fastest rising video for the second straight week and rightfully so. Four verses, four different styles and yet they all mesh together. And Pimp-C surfs on a beat like Kelly Slater. Seriously, he puts in work.
6. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #2)
After coming one step away from standing on top, Rascal Flats falls four spots to #6. This video has fallen (sadly) out of the rotation and when are they coming out with a new damn album?! Prince has a new album every other day! Although…Prince is Prince. We have now entered the Top 5!
5. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #8)
Did it just get hot in here? Of course it did! Foxxi Misq has their first ever Top 5 video with this little ditty. Yeah, I know they may not be my typical lady, but something about funky fresh dance moves (in an EVENING GOWN no less) and Dem in short shorts make me happy to see this video. I could do without the cars, but it plays in with the theme.
4. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #5)
Well, different day same result. Yui is once again climbing up the mountain in attempt for the #1 video! I got a live performance of this song too and all I can say is that Yui has a pretty good band behind her. This video has grown on me (has a “Rolling Star” quality to it) and hopefully this means a Yui concert special at some point this summer! I can dream, cant I?
3. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #6)
HELL YES! Abingdon Boys School makes a leap into the Top 3 as they attempt for their first #1 ever on their first trip! This video is simple, but the song shines through because of it. Also, I lost all my “Darker Than Black” episodes (FUUUUUUCK) so I have to get them again. I was only on…episode one? It was still good stuff from what I saw. Here is to an Abingdon Boys School album soon!
2. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #3)
Orange Range is one step from the top spot after moving up one place this week! They are tied with Game for the most videos on the Top 20 Video Countdown without a #1 video (Both have had three videos. He’s come close, two #3’s and a #4) and this is as close as they have ever been! Are they up for the challenge? We will have to see!
1. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #1, Three weeks at #1)
Well, it makes me wonder if ANYONE can take these guys down! Maroon 5 tops the chart for the third straight week, taking on nobodyknows+, Rascal Flats and Yuna Ito to defend their crown! This video has taken on all comers and sent them to the briny deep below! The album isn’t too shabby, either. Congratulations, guys!
Well, that is all for today! Tune in on the Countdown’s normal day next Friday to see if Maroon 5 can make it a full month at #1! Or will Orange Range finally secure a Number One video? Or can j-rawk top the Top 20 for the first time since Beat Crusaders with Abingdon Boys School? There are some heavy hitters (Yui and T.I.) along with some newcomers (Foxxi MisQ and UGK) looking to take the crown this summer as well! It should be interesting, stay tuned and see you next Friday!
So I should be back up and running either LAAAAAATE tomorrow night or Saturday afternoon at the latest. I will give an update on how the computer change over went. All I can say is that CompUSA was like Gateway Country except with not as smart or funny employees. We were dicks to customers, but at least we were funny dicks:
“Well, Gateway is one of many computer manufacturers. You chose us…and it looks like a big ass mistake. Sorry but the power is not mine to help you. You thought about Circuit City?”
Man, greatest last day ever. And dammit, I forgot the glitter! As you can see, I suck at customer service, yet did it in some form for seven years. Oh, the irony…
I will be back with an update soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
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