I'm moving on up!

First off, there is a new love in my life, Jessica. I told you I will survive! Meet Kumi Koda. She has actually had my eye for about 2 years or so (FF X-2 fans know her from the Real Emotion song Yuna sings) and you know what, Jess? She's loves me for ME!



Er, the bondage has to go but other than that she is twice the stalkee you were. You know what else, Jess? YOU ARENT MY WALLPAPER ANYMORE! HA!


See, I am so over you!

Sorry about that, peeps what's proper? Sorry, trying out new lingo. First off, Douchebrawl 2006 is going off a little better than I expected. Some brackets are in double-digits (keep in mind, I think only 3 people frequent this blog and no one has double voted so that's a good sign) and so far, there are no real upsets. I expected that, but hopefully the second round will create more excitement.

Well, it seems to be a crappy start for movies in 2006. It was hard for 2005 to top 2004 and I will admit that. In 2004 we had Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, Shark Tale, Harry Potter, Meet The Fockers, Mean Girls, Bourne Supremacy and Jesus Christ's Day Off (or Passion of Christ as it is also known). But name one REAL kick ass movie for 2005? Now 2006 has promise with V For Vendetta, Pirates 2 (Johnny Depp, how you confuse me), X-Men 3, and Superman Returns. The problem is, aside from Pirates 2, all have a REAL good chance of sucking ass. I mean on par with The Hulk. However, I give you a movie that COULD be a sleeper kick ass flick: Silent Hill.



Now first off, I am sure you are saying 'Hey, all video game movies SUCK.' You would be correct in your words. From Super Mario Brothers to Street Fighter (The action's never been so Van Damm good) to BOTH Mortal Kombat flicks to the shitfest known as Bloodrayne (like Brokeback, I dont need to see it to know that it sucks) the track record is not good for video game movies. Even the tolerable ones like Doom and Resident Evil were still BAD movies compared to what they could have been. Dont even get me started on Tomb Raiders' and Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. The only great video game movie is Final Fantasy: Advent Children and that was a very insider based movie, one that the average movie goer would not like but just marvel at the pretty colors and animation. Silent Hill has a shot to actually be a good movie. If it is based on the first game (which all reports say yes) then it has a real good story to start with. They could find a way to fuck it up, but they would really have to try.

The stills look very good. It looks to have the feel of the game, but at the same time taking the look of movies like The Ring and Saw and amping it up a notch. Check it out:





Not too bad. Keep in mind that there is NOTHING scarier than little white kids. Just.....gives me the heebie-jeebies. Hell, I'm already scared.

Most importantly, there is no Uwe Boll. Look at this tool:



I remember three years ago he was linked to this movie and I was ready to finally give him the business. I mean whoop his ass like the asshat he is. Only reason I left him off the Douchebrawl 2006 was because not enough people hate this guy yet he is the ultimate of all douches. Anyway, they pulled him off of the project and dare I say, that automatically means this movie will not make me want to kill. By getting Christophe Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf) they actually got....well I don't know much about him but Britherhood was actually pretty good and he is NOT UWE BOLL! That's all that matters.

I can't say Silent Hill WON'T suck. It has a lot of potential and if done correctly (which I believe it will be) it actually could be a good movie, rather than one where you leave and don't say 'I'm not bleeding from my eyes, so it wasnt THAT bad.' Won't be better than Pirates 2, but it should be worth a watch.

Well, the first have of the bracket voting ends tonight at midnight and the second batch will be up until Friday at Midnight. The second round voting begins Saturday at whenever I wake up to update the polls. Gonna go to a convention on Friday and hopefully get an autograph from a legend. If I get enough pics I will post them up Sunday.



Oh, on a totally different note, look what Lindsay Lohan found.


Yeah....they weren't there a week ago. I am officially putting the end on the Lindsay Lovefest. Scarlett Johnansen is the new Lindsay, and she is a marginally better actress to boot (seen Eight Legged Freaks? They you know what I am talking about). See:

That's for you Zach. Don't say I never gave you nothing.

Well, I have an interview in a bit so I will be back later. Wish me luck and stay up.

Chachi out.

AND NO MORE UWE BOLL MAKING MOVIES!!


Dungeon Siege. WORST. MOVIE. EVER. At least it has Burt Reynolds.

Hells yeah.

All I can say about this? Hello Kitty, fool! What?! It's about time.



As you can tell, I'm kind of bored. And when I get bored, the peeps get entertainment. Not gonna lie, I wasnt a big fan of Ren and Stimpy but I did like this. I TOLD YOU I'D SHOOT!



More old school classic cartoon clips because...this kicked ASS. I kind of feel bad for kids because they get stuck with rehashed crap of my youth (TMNT, GI JOE, Power Rangers) or bastardized anime. I used to LOVE Animaniacs. Here are the nations of the world. Little known fact: George W. Bush learned the countries of the world with help of this song and can only sing it in cadence.



Well, thats all for now. Don't forget you have until midnight EST to vote in the first half of the brackets for Douchebrawl 2006. Stay up, peeps

Chachi out.

Yeah, its just not worth it.

So I have been trying to edit my MySpace accounts' code so I can put the Douchebrawl 2006 on there and it aint working. If anyone knows how to edit it, let me know. Also, I tried to create a facebook account because everyone says it kicks ass. All I can say is I never checked out a SINGLE book when I was in college. How in the fuck would I rememeber my college e-mail address and login? Pish-tosh.

Just a quick whats up to the peeps. Have an interview tomorrow so wish me luck. Also, if any of you buy the Kevin Federline album I will beat you. Badly. I swear on it.

Chachi out. And I'm in Korea! If anyone can translate help me out.

Lazy Sunday Blues

Well, its still cold. This is some crap. But at least I got some news for my peeps. Saves you from having to read the Sunday paper. All those words.

First off, Nick and Jessica are split and we know it would come down to this: money. Well, all I can say to Nick is get your money! Jessica should pay out solely because I was surprised he didn't beat her ass for being so goddamned stupid. Ike whooped Tina for a lot less and although I am not a fan of spousal abuse, if anyone needed to be knocked upside the head it is Jessica Simpson. Might knock some sense into her oo at least get the frustration out of being married to a woman with no ass. Look at this:


Aint nothing back there but disappointment. Unfortunately the junk is in her head and not the trunk. Oh, no I didn't!

Secondly, what is the sound of a television drama about the first female commander-in-chief being cancelled? Answer: it doesn't make a sound because no one watched. However, I don't think this show failed because it was about a woman president. I think it failed because it sucked. I watched once episode and it wasn't very good. I think it was about a tape of her or her daughter that could hurt her approval rating. Like that crap hurts Bush, everyone knows he's incompetent but we know he won't compromise national integrity by banging a pudgy intern. Although he does seem to have 'chocolate fever' over Condi Rice and don't even act like you don't see the chemistry. Laura better watch out because George wants some chocolate syrup on his vanilla cone. Ah, my sexual innuendo is impeccable.

Sadly, every TV/movie president has been better than G Dubya. Even Leslie Nielsen in 'Scary Movie 3' was better and I wish death on everyone in that movie except George Carlin. Well who do I think would run this country better? Glad you asked, peeps. I officially bring to my proposed ticket for 2008:

Samuel L. Jackson and Neil Patrick Harris!


Hail to the chief, mother-f***er!

What about the cabinet? Glad you asked!

Secretary of State. Christopher Walken!



Imagine this:

Walken: 'Mr Hussien. We need to know.....where...your weapons of mass destruction...are hidden. DO YOU KNOW....where they are....Mr. Hussein? We know...that YOU KNOW. Where they are.'
Jackson: 'WHERE ARE THE MOTHER-F***KER? WE KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! IF WE FIND THEM OURSELVES WE WILL COME DOWN WITH A HOLY F*****G VENGEANCE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!'
Harris: 'Saddam, come on. He will do it. Just....walk with me. I don't want to see you die. Seem like a nice guy. Just give us the weapons and I wont have our military leave Iraq as the crater between Iran and Africa.'

Perfect good cop/bad cop/crazy cop dynamic. Now we have worthless cop (Rice)/baby eating cop (Cheney)/slightly retarded cop (Bush).

Secretary of Defense? None other than Chuck Norris!














Terrorists have seen 'Delta Force' and 'Missing in Action'. His phrase could be 'You don't fuck....with CHUCK'. Damn skippy.

Homeland Security Director? The only choice is Djimon Hounsou.




















I know he was born in Benin but Sammy J and NPH can pull some strings. Consider the homeland secure. You wanna test this man? Hells no.

I am liking this cabinet. USA, baby. USA.

In other news, it seems that I have to make a trip to Japan. Yes, Pokeland is in full effect. You know, I have said it once and I will say it again. End the panty fetish and I will become a Japanese citizen TONIGHT. You don't see stuff like thins here. Or the karoke party time places. Just once I want to break into song and not be arrested.

Lastly, I keep on hearing rumors that Jessica Alba is secretly engaged to Cash Warren. If that is the case, then I must say this now.....if you are engaged Jessica, I am happy for you. Oh that noise? The sound OF MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT BY THE WOMAN I LOVE! How could you do this to me? Why?! WHY?! I love-did-did you, girl! Dru Hill help me sing it!



I...I guess its over. I have given up on trying to win you. This will be the last time you see her on this blog again.



*sigh*

But like Jesus, I will survive Jessica!



Minus the whole bus thing. But I will survive! Well, stay up peeps. And don't forget to vote in Douchbrawl 2006!



Chachi out. VOTE OR DIE!

Three words: Keep it real.

Well if you look to your right, you will see half of the First Round match-ups for Douchebrawl are up and running. I am doing a little modification so voting may be lagging for a few minutes. Just to know they are all up and ready. I will leave them up until 12PM Tuesday night then post the next 16 battles until midnight on Friday. From that point on I will have all the match-ups on the blog to be voted on. Quick but fair.

Also, deliberations will soon begin for the 'Battle of All That Is Awesome' in the same vein as Douchebrawl but for stuff that kicks ass. Once things have been narrowed down, the meetings will begin and will include punch and pie.

Seeing as how spring is right around the corner, here is a little something old school for ya. It might be almost spring, but we are COLD CHILLIN' right now. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! It's Biz Markie, dammit. Big up to the Grizzle!



Well, I gots to make a few more runs. You have until Tuesday to make your voices heard! Stay up peeps, and hear what Captain Planet has to say.



You heard that? The power is yours! And mine. But mainly yours.

Chachi out.

The day after tomorrow....will still be cold as hell.

Looking at the weather outside, hell has just frozen over because Bret 'Hitman' Hart is going into the WWE Hall of Fame. For those unfamiliar with the Hitman, here is a quite intro.



I really want to speak on this because Bret Hart was/is my favorite wrestler ever, even over The Rock. When I was in Aviano we used to play wrestle at the AYA and at friends houses and everyone wanted to be Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. Not me. Juan and I used to be the Hart Foundation everytime. I was too big (and er....black) to be Bret so I was Jim Neidhart while Juan was Bret. Even still, Bret was my favorite wrestler. I always knew wrestling was scripted, especially when Hogan beat Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy by himself. But Bret added a sign of fluidity to his matches that I dug. I used to think that Davey Boy was REALLY gonna break his back on those Irish Whips into the corner. Hell, I used to call out the 'Five Moves of Doom' before they were called the 'Five Moves of Doom'. I remember in 1992 when he won the WWF Championship in Saskatoon because I had just returned to the States from Overseas. Not gonna lie, it was almost as big for me as fan as the the 1991 NLCS Game 7 Braves vs. Pirates.

I remember screaming 'shenanigans' when Hogan stole the belt from Yokozuna (R.I.P.) at Wrestlemania IX. I remember him winning it back the following year after Vince had him wrestle every talentless fuck with a pulse (sans Jerry Lawler who I actually saw in Memphis and is a hell of a guy). I remember watching in disgust during Wrestlemania XII during the Ironman Match between Bret and Shawn Micheals because I knew he was gonna lose to that jerk ('Get the fuck out and let me have my moment' real classy, Mike Hickenbottom. See you in hell). I remember Austin/Hart in the I Quit Match, which is my choice for Best Match ever, just ahead of Savage/Steamboat at WMIII. I watched Survivior Series 97 with the infamous screwjob live. I swore it would be the last WWF pay-per-view I would watch because I was that big of a Bret fan. Unfortunatly I also remember that craptastic run in WCW which saw him go from good guy to bad guy 7 times.

I remember Over The Edge that I was trying to order but couldnt get in touch with Adelphia to get it in time. A friend of mine from college was giving me play by play when Own fell from the ceiling to his death. Not gonna lie, I cried when I heard he died when I finally got to his house to see the rest of the PPV. I cried when Bret showed up on Nitro to talk about it and during almost the whole tribute episode. I remember the change in him, as it became almost painful to watch him in the ring. It wasnt the same Bret.

By the time Goldberg injured him (another guy I could do without) I hadnt seen him wrestle in about three months. He kind of faded away and my enjoyment for wrestling did too. Up until the Bret Hart DVD came out all I knew about wrestling is I cant stand Triple H because he would refuse to job to Jesus Christ himself in Bethlehem. Now to go full cicrle, Bret said he would never work for the WWE again, but he put that aside to be inducted in to the WWE Hall of Fame. Supposedly he is doing it for free to stand by his word of not working for Vince. Hey Bret, I dont care if you do it for a ham and cheese sandwich. THANK YOU. You are one of the few people I have been a fan of in any medium and I look forward to seeing you again. If anyone deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, its Bret hart. And the 'Macho Man' Randy Savage. OH, YEAH DIG IT!

And now, the RWF, bay-bee! Long video but worth the wait.



Whoooooo, funny stuff.

Anyway, it is diamond nipple cold outside. I swear, there is no need for it to be 5 degrees. Global warming my ass! And dont even say that the extreme cold is a sign that global warming exists. That works if you live in the Yukon territory but not in America. I would have figured we would have figured out a way to put Mother Nature in her place like we did with the female President dream. Aint that right, Geena Davis. Oooohhh, burn! I am the insult master!

Don't forget to vote in Douchebrawl 2006! Listen to Jerri Blank.



Well, Chachi needs to tend to the dog. I shall hit ya'll off with something tomorrow. Stay warm, peeps.

Chachi out.

Wow, we have officially STOPPED the revolution.

Okay, I just have to say it: Black people, the movement is over. Well its a BOWEL MOVEMENT because the revolution has been shat on. Is shat a word? Anyway, between all the work that rappers and Marion Barry have done to get on my nerves no one has done more to piss me off than Cowboy Troy.

First off, I dont want people saying I dont like country music. I dont really like much of any-damn-thing and yes, country is on the list. So is everything else not made by Common, Bennie K, Outkast or Soul'd Out. And of course Morris Day and the Time. Them's the smooth notes.

Now I heard about Cowboy Troy a while back from a friend of mine when I said jokingly 'Damn, I hope rap and country never mix again like that Nelly/Tim McGraw skullf**k.' He said that was already the case and I prayed to Christopher Walken that he was lying and I let it slip my mind. Then I was watching college football last year and the ESPN (BOOOOO) chosen song was 'Coming To Your City' by a country troop I had heard of called Big And Rich. I had heard some raps in their songs in the few times I heard them at work but I brushed it off as just some black dude they found in a bar that did karaoke to 'Walk This Way.' I had no idea how close (yet far) I was from the truth.

First off, I was stunned to see a black man in country music. Aside from Charlie Pride and Ray Charles I never knew people of color were allowed. And dont even start with Tejano music because that stuff is just SCARY. It really sounds like the devils music, like they play that at the gates of hell and in the elevators as muzak. It's not that he is doing country music. If that is what is in your heart then go for it. It's HOW he is doing country music that pisses me off to no end.

First off: nigga if you coined the term 'hick-hop' you should be slapped. Seriously. And I use 'nigga' to show your ignorance or the ignorance of whoever in the hell decided that was a legit form of whatever the hell you do. To refer to yourself as the 'Big Blackneck' is the biggest load of shit ever. Whites who are proud of being 'rednecks' eqaute to women proud of being 'bitches' and blacks proud of being 'niggas': fucking stupid. I dont care how many times you say taking the word back takes away the offensive connotations. Jews dont call each other kikes and heebs. Stop the crap, moron.

Most importantly you suck. Hard. I dont mean Tom Green suck where you are funny in a REALLY small dose or certain situations. I mean at no point in time, EVER, will you be good. Its like my age old addage: you and talent are parallel lines. The two of you at no point in time will EVER intersect. NEVER. The only thing you have going for you is (hopefully) you are the only rapper in country music. So you have a pretty wide open market to suck as hard as you want and not be threatend. As much as you such, Sean Combs has proven that need of talent doesnt stop people from being rich. Asshat. I came THIS close to putting you into the Douchebrawl 2K6.

It's really sad, too. I'm not much on people being trailblazers and groundbreakers. Especially in a day and time when the battle lines for pretty much all issues have been set. There isnt a lot of room for persuasion. But a black man in country music could have been a great move. IF HE WASNT A FUCKING CARICATURE. When Eminem came into rap, I didnt balk, I was happy to a white person being himself and succeding. Then he started talking about raping his mother and killing his wife and he lost me. But never did he become a mockery of himself or whites (we left that to Quentin Tarrentino, you racist moronic fuck). Cowboy Troy on the other hand became what I feared: a overblown character in a field where there is no alternative. There isnt anyone else to compare him to so all blacks in country music are expected to be jive talking, chicken-eating, cowboy hat wearing clowns with mediocre skills and a weak ass southern drawl. Take a look at this abortion case:



Now the picture doesnt tell the story. Watch and listen to him. The "Play Chicken With A Train" is pure lyrical mastery. People can say whatever they want about Marshall Mathers (hell, I will lead the charge because he is overblown) but at least he made not only black rappers step their game up due to his hype but white rappers have to come with some skills. In country all you need is a good Jim Crow walk and a bucket of KFC to be the shit cuz we's loves the KFC, massa. Die in hell, Cowboy Troy. In joint with Black History Month I can honestly say that you have stopped the movement. Bobby Brown couldnt do it. Marion Berry couldnt do it. Even Nelly couldnt do it and he was my odds on favorite. With people like you, I will be harvesting cotton in no time. Troy, I salute you.

Keep in mind I dont know Troy personally. I am just taking what he does at face value and commenting on it at face value. I could be wrong and he does stuff behind the scenes to help out the image of Blacks in country. However, since from what I know (which about country is LITTLE, I'll admit) he IS the image of Blacks in country.

He still is a better example than BET. Which for reasons unknown to me doesnt play his videos. BET is another rant altogether, but all I can say is this: BET just has a commercial about how it is important to give exposure to Black History Month and the pioneers of the Civil Rights Movement. What do they follow it up with? Nelly's Grillz. Before that? A commercial with Abe Lincoln and George Washington on the currency with gold teeth talking about a comedy marathon. Maybe it ain't Troy's fault afterall. Go figure. Ignorance, its spreading.

Now, back to the good stuff. For those that say I only have pictures of other races on my blog, here you go. I can exploit Black women as much as I can any other race. I AM KIDDING. Women are beautiful.



As Mix-A-Lot said 'keep them beanpole dames'. Although they really aint as thick as I like its still okay to the Chachi.

Well, Chachi needs to brave the elements in a bit. Wish me luck. Before I go, WHO WANTS A BODY MASSAGE?!



Chachi out.

It has begun....

Well, it's time. The Douchebrawl 2006 officially begins.....wait for it.....NOW!! On the sidebar are the first four of 32 first round match-ups!

Vote as often as you like! Like I said, it's America and we do what we want when we want. Take THAT Planet Earth. I like the sound of 'Planet America' better anyway.

No real news I give a rats ass about today. Except Cheney shooting an old man in the face. Dick, NOT COOL. After he has had you all up in his house. I dont beef with Cheney like that, but if he shot me in my face it would be on like Donkey Kong playing ping pong. And that's real.

This is gonna be short but I have to link to this. Whoever made this, I need to be part of your puppet crew.



Stay up peeps, its hella cold outside so I'm gonna get some cocoa.

Chachi's out for a bit.

STIFF NINJA TIME!

MO' BLEACH, FOOL! WHAT!

A full hour of Bleach, and interview and applesauce. Can life get any better? Of course it can. KON, FOOL! WHAT!



So, on a follow up to the 'Douchebrawl 2006'. Odds are I am going to have one matchup for each bracket up (for a total of four) up for 2-3 days for voting. This will give prime time for voting and have it not take 5 months. It's open to change so let your voice be heard!

Speaking of Bleach, the new PSP Bleach game is a fighting game while the PS2 game is an RPG and they were just released...about 7 hours ago. The fighter reminds me a little of Fear Effect and DBZ Budokai. Both of which were kinda average so I hope this is better. With Advent Children, GTA: Liberty City Stories and this the PSP is looking mighty tempting. But I aint got 400 bucks so Sony can wait for my cash. As for the RPG, all I can say is I better be able to use Kon as a character. That and the Bankai's would kick ass if they were like Summons/Aeons of the Final Fantasy series. That would rule all.

Oh, and Sony: if you create a remake of FFVII on the PS3 that looks like this, I will give you my soul. I'm not even joking.



That is GOOD STUFF.

God, I can't stand Nick Cannon. I mean REALLY can't stand him. Before Dave Chappelle said 'Fuck Nick Cannon; I was saying it. I remember watching a special on 'BET' about him and saying 'I hate Nick Cannon' to Griff and he responded 'What the fuck is a Nick Cannon, you making up words?' I forgot to add him to 'Douchebrawl' to boot. That and I am all about abortions and his dumb ass song 'Can I Live' is a wack rip off of Common's Retrospect For Life. And nigga, you are NO COMMON. Hell, your ass aint even a Nelly. I hope you get mauled by a bear, you mouth-breathing bastard.

Oh, and no one cares about Jay-Z and Nas making up. Its not like Sharon and Hussien singing 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' together at Bush's birthday, its two rappers seeing that they make more money together than apart. That and Nas has sucked since his I Am album.

Well, I needs to see the world again. I may drop some goodness for the peeps this evening, until then, this is the greatest video EVER. If you dont laugh something is wrong with you.



Chachi out.

It has come to pass....

First off, I need to get this off my chest. ESPN: I don't give a rats ass about Nascar. Quit hyping it because it IS NOT A SPORT. Is it dangerous? Yes. Is it exciting? If you like high speed traffic, then yes. Does it make money? Unfortunately yes, but so does beastiality. There is a market for everything. Nascar is boring and more about technology than athleticism. It doesn't have the skill of hockey, the pageantry and heart of college basketball or the rabid fans of international soccer. Hell, in all honesty Nascar is the only sport where colored and foreigners haven't taken over (I'm sorry, but I see a real subtle racial undertone in Nascar). Quite simply, all Nascar is entertainment in the vain of monster trucks, fishing and hunting. All the skill is left to the weapon or vehicle and people try to pass it off as 'sport' because their is a level of difficulty that is about the same as playing Doom or Gran Turismo. Yet they say gamers aren't athletes, if these are sports then we are the EPITOME of athletes. Suck on THAT, Nascar fans.

Now, back to the good news. The brackets for 'Douchebowl 2006' (think I'm gonna trademark that) have been tenativly created. Like I said, I am open to suggestions but they better be GOOD. Big ups to Z-Swazy for the help. Here are the brackets for now. After next week they will be stuck and the voting will begin.




*Sigh* Inoue Waka. I would like to take you to a movie and maybe some lunch.



Aw, hell yeah.

For those of you that say that I have an affinity for Japanese women that could NOT be farther from the truth. See, I loves Zhang Ziyi. And she's Chinese so there.




She needs to eat a sandwich, but my heart is all aflutter none the less.

I have decided to not do my Wal-Mart rant just yet. I was rather pissed when I went to the Mart yesterday and I was writing out of anger and I don't like to do that. I've calmed down and I am still gonna do it. I just believe that when all the candy has been opened in the impulse items that it is kind of nice for you to GET RID OF IT.

Ah, emo kids. I'm not gonna say that they sit in their closets with their gothy teddy bears writing whiny poems about their pain because daddy doesn't love them and their only way out is suicide. That's a pretty good catoregorization, though. Nothing personal, but unless you live in Denmark by a mosque or are being peed on by a R&B star your life aint that bad. Be cool, guy.

Hells yeah, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors. It was an underrated show. Better than a lot of the crap in the 80's *cough*Go-Bots*cough* we sat through.



Well, I am out for the day. Snow is a coming and I gots lots of hot chocolate. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Oh, and Griff. Six words: WHY YOU WANNA SAUCE ME OUT?!

EVEN MORE DOUCHES!! Wow, that word IS kinda nasty...

Well, I have come to a difficult decision. I have decided to stop half-assing it and go full gusto on all my plans for this blog. The bad news on that is that I am pushing back the Pirate and Ninja movie release. Although the filming was going well, it wasnt REALLY how I wanted it to play out. So, rather than piece it together I am just going to take like a week and focus on it. Updates soon, sorry to the three or four people that were interested. Some more demand for this project would be nice as well.

The GOOD news of the revalation I just had in my brain is that the Douchebag Challenge will now be a full 64 douche round-robin! The four votes will still take place, but for #1 seeds in their respective field of douchbaggery. Once I find a program to create brackets online I will post the final field of 64. I will wait about a week to do so, so if you have input for someone please drop a comment or email Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com and I will give you a shout out. And a RC Cola if you are a decent distance. Mmmm, RC Cola.

Oh, and Tom Cruise: I hope its true. I told you The Dawson was visiting the creek. Oohhh, I am the insult master! And before you say I am a Tom Cruise hater, shut the hell up. He sucks as an actor and he looks like a retarded Jimmy Fallon.And we alreadt have a retarded Jimmy Fallon and we have NO NEED FOR ANOTHER ONE. Suck on that, Xemu.

April 20th. That is the day for the grand release of Final Fantasy: Advent Children to the United States. EIGHT MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE IN JAPAN. Japan, I love the sushi rolls, dig the tunes and can forgive the panty fetish. But because of this, you are a JERK! You hear me, Japan?! That is NOT cool! Yes, I have seen the movie 88 times. Not the point! You have been hording greatness like you always do! Ever since the mega delays of Street Fighter II for the SUper Nintendo. You know why I even GOT the damn Sega Genesis? Because I thought that SFII would never come! For that, I want no I DEMAND an apology. You hear me, Japan?! NO ES BUENO!

Kingdom Hearts 2 can go to hell. It's bad enough that we get the Sepiroth vs. Cloud part five battle in it. This needs to be said once and for all: Aerith is dead. I watched her die and I cried. I played until I beat the game to avenge her death you sick bastards! Don't cheapen her death by putting her in a game with Goofy.



There are four people in Geek-dom that should NEVER be bought back to life:

1. Uncle Ben: Peter Parker is not Spiderman without his death. He's stayed dead and thats the way I likes it. Some will accept Obi Wan, but George Lucas needs to be beaten with a copy of 'Serenity' until he apologizes for the last three Star Wars movies so i say no.
2. Barry Allen (Pre-Crisis Flash): His death made 'Infinite Crisis#4' the most awesome comicI've read in three years.
3. Gwen Stacy: Although I think she got bought back to life last year, and I will break my foot off in Stan Lee's ass if he approved it.
4. Aeris (or Aerith depending on the day I guess): The beautiful flower girl that gave her life for the planet.

Not gonna cry.....strong Chachi....strong Chachi....

I will weep later. I like the new aerodynamic Tifa more than Aerith anyway.

Tifa is my Valentine, CGI or not.

On another note, is it a law that tennis games must hand your ass back to you on a raquet when you are about to win? Jennifer Capriati just beat me 7-5, 5-7, 7-6(22-20) in Smash Court Tennis and it was utter cand complete bullshit. I think aside from fighting games, no video game is more infuriating than tennis. If someone would have broken in my house, they would have gotten beaten to death with a controller.

Well, that was all over the place. To recap: movie on hold, more asshats to vote on, Aerith is dead, Tifa is my animated Valentine and tennis will serve you. Well, stay up, peeps. Wal-Mart is getting the rant treatment tomorrow.

Chachi out.

(Update @ 10:25 PM)

No no no no no NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I blame you for this, Tom Cruise. I dont know how, but you are involved.

THE BATTLE OF THE DOUCHES!!

It has come to pass. I always call certain people douchebags, but now it is time for America to decide. I give to you THE BATTLE OF THE DOUCHBAG STARS!

There are four brackets:

Bat-Shit Insane Actor Region (Tom Cruise vs. Mel Gibson)
Someone Needs To Shoot This Bastard Region (50 Cent vs. Nelly)
Trollop Bitch Region (Paris Hilton vs. Britney Spears)
Worthless Ass-Hat Region (Kevin Federline vs. Ashton Kutcher)

I will leave each bracket up for 3 days. Scroll down to the bottom and cast your vote for the first round. Feel free to vote as often as you like, because this is AMERICA and we do what we want. Manifest destiny, bitches.

Also, this is a pre-screen to the 'Battle of All That Is Awesome' which will begin soon. got the brackets and the seeding done for a while, just have to create a fair tourney. No loaded brackets like the real thing.

So the job search is picking up steam. I figured as much that it was all a fix until I got officially let go, but that's neither here nor there.

*Sigh* today is Valentines Day and once again, the ladies dont love the Duece. In their defense, I am a jerk so I get used to it. But to those who have a Valentine: get bent. I'm not one of those people that is down on love or thinks that Valentine's day is just a farce for women to get extra shit. Because it IS and I hate to restate science. I'm a person that thinks that Valentine's Day is an excuse for women to expect to be given more attention than usual, seeing as how at all time we as men need to be paying attention to you and if we are not we must not love you. Well, it has to be said: Valentine's Day isnt about love anymore, its about attention.

Much like Christmas, Easter and however many days of Channukah (yes, I know there are 8 I just dont care) people make a big deal out of a holiday because it is expected. If a man fails to get a woman a gift on Valentine's Day, even if she says its not important, he goes from prince charming to Edi Amin in a heartbeat.

If Valentine's Day was truly about love, then it would be an even exchange. Women would get gifts (as is the norm because women are takers) and men would get....well nothing because that's the way the world works. Geez, as much as women bitch about how they are treated, they sure have it easy except for the whole baby thing. And stop blaming men and blame God. Platapi did, the T-Rex did and you should if having babies really hurts that much. As for the lip comparison, its not scientifically possible, so stop using it as an example. Vaginas stretch to wonderous lengths, lips dont. Leave it alone.

I have a deal: you give up Valentine's Day we give you a woman president. One term (unless she cures cancer or helps the Cubs win the pennant) of estrogenical destruction of the great country of America. I think thats a fair trade. Think about it.

Anyway, can I just say that Anne Hathaway is damn fine? I almost watched 'The Princess Diary' for that woman. Yes, she is a woman now. This is for all my lonely dudes on Valentine's Day.




Yummy.

Now its time for Bro-Hi, Shinoske and Diggy-Mo. Here is some Dream Drive for ya'll. Soul'd Out wa AFRO!

I gots to make a run real quick. I'll drop something on you this evening. Till then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

I have been shamed.

I'm sleepy, so there wont be an update today. My bad peeps, just tired as all hell. Got some stuff to do tomorrow so I will have something up in the afternoon. I leave you with a little bit of Bennie K. Ya'll are right, it is every other word out of my mouth. At least it ain't 'Thats hot' like some people. Check out the You Got Served battle between Cico ind Seamo. It has been broughten. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi to bed.

No one is more ashamed than I am.

First off, the show went off very well last night. I'm not a huge fan of popular rap, but it was nice to hear 'I'm Not Feeling You' live again. Pretty punch-line worthy track. If you dont know what punchlines in hip-hop are, look it up or ask and I will explain. Also, someone busted a window out, and that stuff aint cool. It was hella cold last night.

Now, to some gaming news. I just saw the UBER (like 6 minutes) trailer of Kingdom Hearts II, and I am sorry Beth but it is looking kinda good. It has a Pirates of the Carribean stage (COMPLETE WITH JOHNNY DEPP! He's my bishie! Shut up I'm allowed one), a Steamboat Willie stage and a Tron stage (I hated that movie and still do. I remember the game from Showtime Pizza and I dont remember liking it). However it has Mulan and Hercules characters so it could suck complete ass. Either way, should be interesting, seeing as this game and Black are the only big names until the PS3.

Now to the sad news. Rumble Roses XX is coming to the XBox 360. Now I have a confession. I bought the first one. And I must say....it actually wasnt bad once you got past the fact the overall story sucked. It was like a stripped down (bweh heh) version of all the Yuke's wrestling games (mainly Fire Pro Wrestling, the GREATEST WRESTLING GAME EVER) which is a very good thing. After looking at the screens....wow:






Yes, that is a panda. They wont mate, but they will wrestle. Stupid bear. I must say after seeing the demo live at GameCrazy, it doesnt move at a blazing pace as one would expect. Something had to suffer, and it had to be the game speed. Kind of disappointing after the kick-assed-ness that is Dead Or Alive 4. I have said it and will stand by it: give me three more games like DOA 4 and they have a sale in my book. Jesus, that game was as fast as SFII: Turbo on ten stars. Nothing on 'blast processing' though, eh Griff. Sega does! Nintendo doesnt! Play THAT loud, biz-natch.

I will be back later for the 'What Chachi Likes' this evening. Until then, I leave you with what may be the best show of video game skill ever. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Now its official.

First off, Video Mods sucks. I don't watch TV much anymore, but whenever I do watch, something in on that sucks. This being one of the leaders. Much like my stance on anime, I liked it better when gamers were looked at as freaks and outcasts of society. Here is a note to MTV: shitty videogames + shitty pop music = shitty videos with shitty pop music. Simple math.

Speaking of MTV, I am a little pissed now so I'm gonna go on a mini-rant. People think it is fashionable to hate MTV because they don't play videos. Well that isn't reason to not like MTV, because like all niche channels, you have to give variety to succeed. From BET to Cartoon Network to TNN, all niche networks add programming to attract views because if they don't there is no more network. So the fact MTV and MTV2 (yes, I know it was created solely for videos and doesn't play them, I'm getting to the point) don't play videos anymore was inevitable. And having satellite video channels that only play videos was going to happen as well. People also talk about MTV because the only play reality shows. That is justified, but so does every other network so that's not a real GOOD reason. The reason I hate MTV (strong word, but I stand by it) is simple: it is a two-faced, pretentious network that takes a stand when convenient and has created a false sense of being relevant.

So what does that mean exactly? MTV has spent a lot of money hyping their MTV News style of coverage for events that MTV really shouldn't cover. How can Ja Rule comment on the starving children of African nations when this man has a 20,000K medallion on? How can Lars Ulrich talk about the greed of the governments of the world when this man attempted to sue FANS for downloading music from an industry that has been price gouged for at least 13 years (some say since 1991, and I would agree except that CDS still weren't the top media then)? I think its great that a network is trying to use their influence to reach out to the younger generation, but here is a real honest question: do they need to be reached out to by a network that is playing both ends of the argument?

As much as they tout otherwise, MTV is geared toward the 15-24 age demographic. Just exiting that demographics a few months ago, I know that they are impressionable and rather...well stupid. The shows on MTV feature people in that age range, the artists (except Eminem and Mariah Carey who still ACTS like they are in that age range) featured are in that age range and because that age range suprisingly rarely reads or watches real news (I'll count the Daily Show as real news because its as close as a lot of people get)that is scary. If any adults are reading this, think that the majority of people in that age range (no joke, reports say 70% of that age range watch MTV the most of all networks, and that was in a paper I wrote...in 2002) know more about the breakup of Nick and Jessica than the Patriot Act. Someone bought to my attention that MTV has their little 'News Now' bullshit where they focus on a topic and has campaigns like 'Rock The Vote' and the Africa benefit concerts. Well, three things in response to that: young people didnt vote, Africans still have AIDS and 'Trippin'. Nuff said.

You know what, I'm gonna cut this rant short. You know why, I want you to watch MTV for 30 minutes. Go ahead, I'll wait.

You back? Sucked didn't it. I rest my case.

SO enough with the evil me. I just put the Ichigo 100% closing as my ringtone and I must say, it is pretty hyper. Got my first strange look about it, too. They's jealous that's all.

For Zach, this is a song that after 2 years has grown on me. Theme for Great Teacher Onizuka Driver's High. Toe tapping goodness.

Well, its gonna be a late night tonight so I may drop some knowledge for ya'll in the afternoon. Also, I am REALLY thinking about doing a 'Douchebag 2006' Awards, so if you have ideas for the biggest douchbag of the year (for different categories) let me know. Till then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

First off, ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

That is funny stuff right there.

Its been a pretty lazy day today. Not much going on except Happy Birthday to Hannah!

So I was at Best Buy and realized that there are a gaggle of TV series DVD's. Shows that sucked have DVD's (Real World I am looking squarely at you) yet I am really shocked (well, not really) that MTV hasnt released DVD's of their shows that didnt...well suck. After five years, there has been no box set of Undergrads, Daria or 2Gether. Yes, 2Gether is in my opinion the most underrated show MTV had. It was suprisingly funny. Its a shame QT died, but it was good they didnt pull a Menudo and just replace him. They just ended the series, and that was cool. It deserves a box set, complete with videos and the pilot movie. Now that would be kickass.

Valentine's Day (Or Ladies Extra Christmas as I call it) is coming up next week, so I will become increasingly bitter over the next few days. Aside from Easter and Christmas it is probably my least liked holiday which is awkward because it has nothing to do with Jesus. Our Valentines Day shout be more like Japan's. I would like some candy from a pretty lady sometime. Then, on White Day you return the favor. Now THAT's true love. If it wasnt for the whole panty thing, Japan would be the best country ever. Anime fans know what I mean. Just weird.

Well, Feburary is Black History Month and seeing as how no one gives a rats ass I really shouldnt, either. Yet, I feel people think I cant stand black people. That isnt true. I cant stand stupid people, no matter what your race. It just seems in the times of spinning rims, grillz and LED belts (who in the fuck let that one out of the house?!) that black folks are just more obvious. So, to show I am not all rants, death threats and restraining orders I give you the first 'What Chachi Likes' rather than a rant, just for the month of Feburary. I do this out of respect for those that fought for the right for me to be able to you know, read and own a computer. And I dont mean Batman. Although I'm sure he would have fought in the Civil Rights movement. Cuz blacks love gaudy stuff, and nothing would be gaudier than a Batmobile with candy paint and 26' rims. Really THINK ABOUT THAT. I'm suprised it hasnt happend. Anyway, I give you:

What Chachi Likes!

Shakira

Boo-yah. Sometimes her voice reminds me of Stevie Nicks (not a good thing unless you like goat braying mixed with ulats), but my GOD I love her. When she sings in Spanish, here is nobody better. Estoy Aqui is just a great song. And LOOK AT HER.



Yes, she is beauty personified.

Well, I gots to be out. Oh, almost forgot. Teqnyc has a show at Kelly O'Briens tomorrow night. I dont know when it will start, because its never on time. I'm gonna be there around 10-10:30ish, which means he will start at about 11, give or take. CPT hurts, but I am beginning to think it is science. So that means the update will be Sunday morning. Hope to have the last of the videos up by Monday. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out. And go to hell, Tom Cruise. Why is he always on when I finish my updates?! Geez, maybe God does have it out for me

So U2 needs to go away.

Listen, I am sure there are some Irish people that don't think U2 sucks ass. Well, the days of Sunday Bloody Sunday and Where The Streets Have No Name are over. U2 has become to rock what Nas is to rap: living off of a classic first album and replacing insightful songs with neo-political bullshit in order to sell records. Bush sucks and war is bad? NO SHIT BONO. I swear, you piss me off to the highest level of pissedivity. Yes, its a word. You want to help the starving children? You want to save the war-torn nations? Well shitty albums doesn't do it. Talking to world leaders you have NO REASON BEING AROUND wont to it either. When I think of great humanitarians, I think of Chavez, King, Gandhi, Mandela and Bono?

The sad part is I don't hate U2 as much as I just think Bono is a tool. Like how I didn't dislike Guns 'N' Roses as much as I felt Axl Rose needed to beaten. Same thing here, Bono is so into 'saving the world' that he cant even make music right. If you watch the Fensler Film PSA, its like when he is telling the kid to find one game he can do. Bono, make good music and leave saving the world to the damn Christians. And don't even get me started on Christians and Jesus. That's another day.

So, back to reality. Teq's show went off very well. Its sad when you are in a competition, you give the other band an hour to perform, and they lose to three songs. THREE SONGS. Damn, that has to suck ass. Also, to the men out there: fashion is a fucking priviledge. You are not Andy FUCKING Warhol, so stop trying to create an avant garde statement with your clothes because you just look stupid. Same for women. Cover it up and shut it up. That means your mouths. We don't care if you are drunk, we don't care if you have had a bad day and I SURE AS HELL DON'T CARE IF YOUR FEET HURT! Get some Keds, dumbass. Oh, and back to niggas and their Gucci and D&G patterns on their shoes and shirts: STOP. If you leave the house, look in the mirror and think you look good you need to be beaten. Oh, and fuck the police. I'm not sure if the CSP doesn't have a lot of crime to stop, but driving drunk people HALF A BLOCK is no reason to be suspicious. Its nice to see the 'War on Blacks Not Breaking the Law' will hold precedent over the actual "War on Terror'. I was scared white folks weren't afraid of coloreds no more, and fear is all we have on you guys. Its nice to see you care. Pricks.

SO, back to the fun stuff. Some people have asked me why is Bennie K always on this blog? Because music sucks and its a rather fresh sound. That and I love them. And not the 'mail a vial of my blood' love. That's reserved for Jessica Alba. With that being said, here is Dreamland.

http://www.youtube.com/?v=z-zxdFw_ZIk

I posted a smaller clip of the video earlier with the 'J-Pop N Lock Crew', but this is the whole thing. I will toss something new up next time. Maybe some Soul'd Out. Think the Beastie Boys without the Tibet ridiculousness. Japan keeps is too real for that.

Lastly, yesterday I went to Mu Shu's, a new Chinese in the Springs. First off, YOU BASTARDS DISHONOR ME. Your food is not fit for dogs and is overpriced. Secondly, either the company or the employees themselves are racist fucks. Why do I say that? Because at the bottom of my receipt, it said 'PREEZE come again'. PREEZE? Yeah, if the Chinese will run over a student with a tank on national TV on general purpose, imagine what they will do to America for some stuff like this. That and it was just ignorant.

Well, I leave you with some Orange Range. They are a J-Rock/Pop/Urban band that has done openings and closings for several anime (Bleach, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist) and quite simple kick the ass Jersey Style. Americans compare them to Linkin Park, but not I said the cat. This The Roots meets Beck meet John Mayer meets Staind. Thats a lot of meet. This is Asterisk, the opening for the first season of Bleach. Which if you haven't seen SHAME ON YOU BECAUSE IT RULES ALL.

http://www.youtube.com/?v=4i7RFgCeuWQ

Thats enough for now. Stay up peeps, I will be back soon.

Chachi out. Tom Cruise ROT IN HELL. Or where ever Scientologists go. Probably Detroit.

And the Grammy goes to....not 50 CENT!

Not gonna lie, I watch the Grammy's sometimes. I really want to see John Legend win at least one Grammy tonight. I loved his album, and don't want to see him go down the line of India Arie and Babyface of people with a gaggle of nominations and no wins. And since did rock belong to people over 60? Rolling Stones, U2, Neil Young? Jesus Christ man, where in the hell has rock gone? That idiot from America Idol rocks more that U2. And the Rolling Stones by all scientific logic should either be dead or merge to form an evil demon drug god that will consume the Earth and bore us with crappy neo-political rock ditties.

So I got my cable back (as one could hopefully tell) and boy, TV sucks. I really didn't miss it. All that is on is Mad TV and nineteen different variations of The Real World. I think I saw a music video on MTV for five seconds, but it was a Verizon commercial. Then 50 Cent came on and I lost it.

Two BIG updates: happy birthday to Owen. I'm sorry I missed it, O.G. I'll make it up to you.

Secondly, this is for everyone. I know how much Owen loves this song. And how much I cant stand Kevin Federline. Best of both worlds: http://www.youtube.com/?v=XGTl6tgVEFw

Also, I am working on getting stills of the first arc of the 'Pirates and Ninjas' 5 minute epic up. Camera is getting on my nerves.

I will return soon. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

(Update: JOHN LEGEBND WON R&B MALE PERFORMANCE FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE! JOHN LEGEND, FOOL! WHAT!)

NEW BLEACH, FOOL! WHAT!

New "Bleach' is up. No sleep for a while until this finishes. Also got two new Bennie K videos. Smurf yeah, they's going up on the site. They are the loves of my life.

Mmmm, that's good J-pop. Stay up peeps. I know I will. Cuz I'm downloading 'Bleach' you dirty dogs.

Chachi out.

Time to lay down the law.

First off, today there will be a rant. It will be offensive to some, but I really think this needs to be said. I got this idea after in-depth conversations with some friends (both male and female) over the last few days. I also was sent the link for the new Pink video for 'Stupid Girls' and I must say, it's actually pretty good. Of the 2000 pop explosion, she's the only one I could really tolerate.

Okay, I remember being an a women's rights club in college (rather interesting story, I will tell it someday) and was always on the opposite side of debates with the other members. They were always talking about how hard it is in today's world to be a woman. How the odds are stacked against them and how they aren't protected. Not wanting to be in a 13-on-1 battle of attrition, I would just sit there and take it at first. After a while, I began to realize something: the concept of reality is LOST on women.

Now for the two or three women that read this blog, I will explain my words. The members would always say that the media (which meant men) create a false standard for women to achieve in terms of beauty and style. And I will agree to that statement as it is still true today. Maxim doesn't sell because the articles are insightful and music videos don't get airplay for the musical content. They are both successful due to the 'objectification' of women that are quite the opposite of the ideal look. All women don't look like Vida Guerra. Here is a picture:

There is a simple reason why women that look like her are put into videos and magazines, and its not the grand conspiracy to keep women down as much as 'neo-feminists' try to push that on us. The reason these women are pushed to the forefront is the exact same reason anything gets pushed to the forefront: they aren't the norm. If every woman looked like Vida Guerra (giggidy-giggidy), then something else would be pushed by the media. It's the male equivalent of Mike Vick in 2002. The man DID bring something totally new to the quarterback position in the NFL, and they pushed him to the moon. Was it justified? Hell no, and I am as big a Mike Vick fan as there is. He was unproven, erratic and unpolished in the basic skills of...well throwing a screen pass. Was the push of J-Lo warranted? Hell no, she's a piss-poor singer, and average dancer and I have seen better acting in porn. But she had the look, and that is all that matters. It all comes down to money and marketing people. No more, no less.

Oh, and about the way women are portrayed in the media. Ladies, as a black man I can say this and be completely justified because of what I have seen in the last ten years from my people. You undo any progress you make almost the EXACT second you make it. Women want to be respected for their actions and valued for their worth. Completely valid, so does everyone. However, you need to do a serious gut check about your role models. To be seen as respectable, your LEADERS must be respectable. Take black men for example. Gone are the days of Garvey, King, Evers and Little (Malcolm X for the non-readers) and they have been replaced by 50 Cent, Jay Z, Nelly and Snoop. Not exactly the ones on the forefront if you are trying to fight for respectability, are they? Now when you think about women with popularity, aside from Oprah (who you need to latch on to and not let go if you want to make this thing work) and Hillary name the female icons. None, really. When people think of popular women they think of who?

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. As sad as it is, it is very true. And their claim to fame? Banging on camera and being a drug addict. Oh, and Lindsay did 'Mean Girls' which was highly underrated. I'm sorry, but the whole 'Sex in the City' live like men this is stupid and it is hurting your stock and credibility. You know why? Because living like men is FUCKING STUPID. Drinking till you pass out and getting teabagged is living like men. Is that what you want? Nothing is wrong with drinking and having a good time. I am all for that. I am not for stupidity and a lack of common sense. And alcohol plus women equals exactly that.

Now this is a touchy subject, and I debated on whether or not to go here because this view hasn't gone over very well with people in the past. I honestly don't care anymore about the feelings anymore. Let me preface this by saying that I believe rape is wrong. It is a crime and it is disgusting. You know what else is wrong? Going into a situation where you know 'shit can happen' and regretting it afterward. Ladies, I never want to defend the actions of the attacker of downplay the emotions of the victim. I also don't want to portray men as uncontrollable animals that cant think straight when they see boobies.

Let's look at this with a little bit of logic. Black men and white women don't hold hands in Alabama when possible. Gay college students stay away from frat parties wearing rainbows. White people stay out of New Orleans, D.C. and Detroit after midnight. Why? Because it is just logical and good common sense. In the jungle, how many times have you seen a zebra walk up to a lion and give it a kiss like Bugs Bunny gave Elmer Fudd? Never. Why? Because it's not good common sense. Are women smarter than zebras? Of course they are. So why do things that aren't safe for you?

Thats not a fair comparison, you say? You should be able to drink whenever and not have to worry about being groped or worse sexually assaulted? You say you should be able to have a good time without fearing for your safety? You know what? You are correct. You know what else? I don't like having to say this but tough shit. It's sad, but its the way things are. I'm a grown man but I was scared when I was in Mississippi. I was literally scared because of how people looked at me and the artifacts of racism that were in gas stations and restaurants (confederate flags, sambo statues, etc). Is that fair? That I should be afraid of being assaulted? No. But you know what, tough shit for me. It hurts me to say that, but at the same time, I want to live to be 30.

Women can always used the defense 'men should change and learn to respect us' but hey, respect yourself and then we will talk. Wear a full set of clothing that actually has seams and then talk about perception. Try not to sound like giggling, dumb as a bag of stones stereotyical dumb girl and then get back to me about being respected. I know Dave Chappelle talked about the 'ho's uniform' and that's a fine analogy. I agree that just because a woman is dressed a certain way doesn't make her a whore. Now lets use common sense again here. If you see a guy in bummy shoes with bad hair, do you think he's eccentric? Or a dirty bum? When you see a Allen Iverson, do you see a savvy businessman worth 17 million a year? Or a thug that may take your wallet? I learned a long time ago that fair or not, perception is reality. No matter how intelligent I am or how well I present myself, if I dress a certain way I will be perceived that way. Take note a realize that. As judgmental as women are sometimes, I cant understand why shit like that doesn't sink in.

You know, Huey from the Boondocks said it best. This line works for everyone from women to blacks to Muslims (don't think you are getting off easy. I will get with you guys later) to Right Wing Christians: Act like you've got some goddamn sense. Really THINK before you act. Don't get into situations that could end up bad if you can avoid them. Hell, here are some ground rules.

1. Do not drink Long Island Iced Teas (if an alcoholic mixed drink is 100% alcoholol of different varieties, it might not be a good idea to drink 5 of them. Just a fucking thought)
2. If a guy buys you a drink, and he aint drinking, beware. (That is bad news. It's like someone wanting you to bungie jump into a pool of sharks and they have never done it. Not I said the cat, and so should you)
3. If you have seen what you are wearing in a music video or at a strip club, its not appropriate. (It may look cute, but it sends out the vibe of $'20 topless, $30 full nude' so it may be best to go with something a little less flashy)
4. Never, ever drink till you throw up. (Or fall down. Did you see Steve-O on Adam Corrola? Neither did I, but I saw the video. You look like that, except in a skit showing off your gulley hole)
5. Don't ever use the phrase 'Will you respect me in the morning if we do this' or any other phrasing of that. (The answer is no, because he doesn't respect himself or else he wouldn't be down either. Sleep on THAT for a moment)
6. Don't let the world know how drunk you are. (Like a bloody seal, you give away your position to the sharks. Besides, seeing you are face down on the bar was a dead giveaway)
7. Being stupid is not sexy. (This is a new phenomenon. Being mysterious does NOT mean being vacant, so don't twist your hair and say 'I dunno' The days of math is hard Barbie are over)
8. Just say no. (I say this for safety. There are stupid people out their that believe that you owe them something if they buy you a drink. Saying no is okay, because if he gets unruly he WILL be thrown out because more women in the club equals more men showing up and other men offering to buy you drinks. See, its a circle of money)
9. If you don't know him, don't blow him. (Vulgar as it sounds, its true. I know a stranger is a friend you haven't met, but making friends usually doesn't involve mouth love. And for Christsake don't go home with someone you don't know. That is just stupid beyond stupid and at that point all credibility is lost)
10. Respect yourself. (Not to the point of conceit, but you know (hopefully) what is right and what is wrong. If it doesn't feel right, DON'T DO IT. Oh, and don't drink anything you didn't see poured. That is just ignorant)

See, my rants aren't about just bitching. I am here to help. Protect yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. If that wasn't so cheesy, I would end my posts with it. I will be back with a normal post a little later on. Till then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.