What is up, peeps? Well, Anime Wasabi is coming up on Friday and I still need to grab some spirits (PARTY TIME!) but aside from that I am set and ready. With that said…February SUCKED ASS. Hated that shit so fucking much and it made me miserable. Them’s the breaks though and to all involved parties you can EAT A MOTHERFUCKING DICK. Yeah, I said it. March is already looking better so let’s get started!
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
Preach it, Jermaine. Preach it…and yes I know he is dead.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak. I kid, I kid! I’m okay…
Trust me
Oh, one last thing. Here is last weeks Countdown!
Man, it will be four years this August that I have been doing this. Good times. Anyway, I wont be back up until probably Sunday or Monday due to Wasabi. If anyone is down to party to the Chef, come on down! There is always a party in the Chateau De Chef! See you all on Friday and until then, stay up!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Fighting In The Club? See: Arguing On The Internet. Just Makes You Retarded.
Alright, people. I have one question and one question only to ask…
When do you become too old to fight in the fucking club?
Seriously? Grown ass men fighting in the club because someone had an old ass Kangol on? I mean I think that it should be worn by RUN DMC and Jam Master Jay only but still that aint a reason to beat up on someone! Okay I know that aint the reason that everybody leveled up their Chris Brown materia and went berserk on this guy (Always gotta keep it nerd) but seriously; at what point is fighting in the club justified? Hell, at what point is fighting justified? I have always said that violence is wrong no matter who you are and who you are fighting (Yes, that goes for women two and that is a completely different blog and if you don’t know my stance on that then read the archives. I will make it easy: if you don’t want to get hit, don’t hit anyone) because there is only ONE REASON to ever fight.
Reason #1: The Glory of Love
You can always fight for love but remember you must SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY! It is also acceptable to fight to stand out above the crowd but if you are seeing it eye to eye then you shouldn’t have to.
Now I understand that sometimes you may think it is prudent to fight in the club. Someone may disrespect you or your lady-friend for instance. Or even worse, someone could step on your Stacy Adams! Or Stetsons for all you people that go to Cowboys or wherever and good for you. Either way, when you fight in the club you ruin the night for everyone else (Sans the free entertainment that comes from your dipshittery) and you just end up looking like a fuckwit. Yeah, I said it. If you have an issue with someone, take it outside and let everyone else enjoy their rum and cokes or whatever the kids are drinking nowdays. Just stop it, because you fuck things up for everyone else. Just like the damn A-bomb.
Well, I just had to get that out. Sick of the douchery. Oh, and to the six people that asked here is the Countdown for last week:
Again, it would serve you better to go to the YouTube page but people are creatures of habit so there. Also, I am considering doing Douchebrawl again. I didn’t do it for 2009 and I really fricking missed it. I let the web domain lapse on the website name but the old web page still exists so I may bring it back this Spring. Anyway, I am out for now. Stay up and I will be back this weekend.
Chachi Out
When do you become too old to fight in the fucking club?
Seriously? Grown ass men fighting in the club because someone had an old ass Kangol on? I mean I think that it should be worn by RUN DMC and Jam Master Jay only but still that aint a reason to beat up on someone! Okay I know that aint the reason that everybody leveled up their Chris Brown materia and went berserk on this guy (Always gotta keep it nerd) but seriously; at what point is fighting in the club justified? Hell, at what point is fighting justified? I have always said that violence is wrong no matter who you are and who you are fighting (Yes, that goes for women two and that is a completely different blog and if you don’t know my stance on that then read the archives. I will make it easy: if you don’t want to get hit, don’t hit anyone) because there is only ONE REASON to ever fight.
Reason #1: The Glory of Love
You can always fight for love but remember you must SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY! It is also acceptable to fight to stand out above the crowd but if you are seeing it eye to eye then you shouldn’t have to.
Now I understand that sometimes you may think it is prudent to fight in the club. Someone may disrespect you or your lady-friend for instance. Or even worse, someone could step on your Stacy Adams! Or Stetsons for all you people that go to Cowboys or wherever and good for you. Either way, when you fight in the club you ruin the night for everyone else (Sans the free entertainment that comes from your dipshittery) and you just end up looking like a fuckwit. Yeah, I said it. If you have an issue with someone, take it outside and let everyone else enjoy their rum and cokes or whatever the kids are drinking nowdays. Just stop it, because you fuck things up for everyone else. Just like the damn A-bomb.
Well, I just had to get that out. Sick of the douchery. Oh, and to the six people that asked here is the Countdown for last week:
Again, it would serve you better to go to the YouTube page but people are creatures of habit so there. Also, I am considering doing Douchebrawl again. I didn’t do it for 2009 and I really fricking missed it. I let the web domain lapse on the website name but the old web page still exists so I may bring it back this Spring. Anyway, I am out for now. Stay up and I will be back this weekend.
Chachi Out
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I Miss Morris Day and The Time. Really, That's The Title. They All Can't Be Gems.
What is up, peeps?! First off, I have to say that nothing fixes up a shitty week like SHOPPING!
Say what you will and call it what you want, I have to look faboo. So the other day I mentioned that R&B has all but died. Actually, I said that about 10 years ago when R.Kelly was to busy pissing on minors and getting his ass kicked by Ron Isley’s goons (Plies could take a lesson from him on how to do goonery correct) to do anything and we were innindated with Destiny’s Child and all that other stuff. Now I have always said that music is in the ear of the listener but…
Trey Songz = Marvin Gaye?! NO
Beyonce = Aretha Franklin?! NO! (Well, not now because she looks like she ate Patti LaBelle AND Anita Baker. I thought she ate Sade, too but she just released a new album and I am glad to see her back!)
I swear, R&B has gone from the social commentary of the 60’s and the sexy soul of the70’s and 80’s to…I am not sure what to call it now. On another note, does anyone remember the Hey Love commercials?:
*Sigh* I miss BET. BRING BACK GENERATIONS! I actually sat back and watched BET Friday afternoon because…well I aint got a job no more and in the words of Uncle Ruckus all I can do is either rap, sell drugs or rap about selling drugs. My mixtape will be out soon. Anyway, I was watching 106 & Park…which in itself was a bad idea…and I realized that R&B is pretty much just lazy rappers. It’s like…Ja Rule after too much Hennessy. As for females in R&B, just be glad Sade is back because if “Single Ladies” is supposed to be in the same vein as “RESPECT” and “I’m Every Woman” then something is wrong with everything. Maybe it is because my CD collection was relegated to what my parents listened to which was remastered versions of R&B they USED to listen to when they were my age. Maybe it was because I got tired of listening to shirtless dudes singing dumb ass love songs all the damn time. At some point, I just kind of gave up on R&B. As one that grew up on Video Soul it is kind of a sad statement. I mean even when the jheri curl took over and being in an R&B group became a legitimate fire hazard we still had good stuff to listen to. Even Troop had Mamacita!
They don’t even make them like THAT anymore! I’d rather hear Al B. Sure over anything that Jeremiah dude has to sing! How is Al B doing, anyway? Beside the point. I am just very sad that music has made a turn from the Kajagoogoo to the shitty. If you don’t get that train of logic, ask the Copper.
Lastly, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi və,-vɑ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what everyone should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that's cold. And knowing is half the battle. The other half….regret. With that being said here is this weeks Countdown!
Kim Jong Kook IS THE FUCKING MAN. Well, I will be back up soon. Just began to look at some of my old blogs and man…that stuff was messed up. I may repost them for nostalgia. Until then, stay up. And happy Valentine's Day, f****r!
Say what you will and call it what you want, I have to look faboo. So the other day I mentioned that R&B has all but died. Actually, I said that about 10 years ago when R.Kelly was to busy pissing on minors and getting his ass kicked by Ron Isley’s goons (Plies could take a lesson from him on how to do goonery correct) to do anything and we were innindated with Destiny’s Child and all that other stuff. Now I have always said that music is in the ear of the listener but…
Trey Songz = Marvin Gaye?! NO
Beyonce = Aretha Franklin?! NO! (Well, not now because she looks like she ate Patti LaBelle AND Anita Baker. I thought she ate Sade, too but she just released a new album and I am glad to see her back!)
I swear, R&B has gone from the social commentary of the 60’s and the sexy soul of the70’s and 80’s to…I am not sure what to call it now. On another note, does anyone remember the Hey Love commercials?:
*Sigh* I miss BET. BRING BACK GENERATIONS! I actually sat back and watched BET Friday afternoon because…well I aint got a job no more and in the words of Uncle Ruckus all I can do is either rap, sell drugs or rap about selling drugs. My mixtape will be out soon. Anyway, I was watching 106 & Park…which in itself was a bad idea…and I realized that R&B is pretty much just lazy rappers. It’s like…Ja Rule after too much Hennessy. As for females in R&B, just be glad Sade is back because if “Single Ladies” is supposed to be in the same vein as “RESPECT” and “I’m Every Woman” then something is wrong with everything. Maybe it is because my CD collection was relegated to what my parents listened to which was remastered versions of R&B they USED to listen to when they were my age. Maybe it was because I got tired of listening to shirtless dudes singing dumb ass love songs all the damn time. At some point, I just kind of gave up on R&B. As one that grew up on Video Soul it is kind of a sad statement. I mean even when the jheri curl took over and being in an R&B group became a legitimate fire hazard we still had good stuff to listen to. Even Troop had Mamacita!
They don’t even make them like THAT anymore! I’d rather hear Al B. Sure over anything that Jeremiah dude has to sing! How is Al B doing, anyway? Beside the point. I am just very sad that music has made a turn from the Kajagoogoo to the shitty. If you don’t get that train of logic, ask the Copper.
Lastly, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi və,-vɑ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what everyone should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that's cold. And knowing is half the battle. The other half….regret. With that being said here is this weeks Countdown!
Kim Jong Kook IS THE FUCKING MAN. Well, I will be back up soon. Just began to look at some of my old blogs and man…that stuff was messed up. I may repost them for nostalgia. Until then, stay up. And happy Valentine's Day, f****r!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My Ode To Soju. At Least It Respects Me!
What is up, peeps? Pretty good day today as things are looking up and hopefully I will be rocking the box the week after Anime Wasabi. BTW, of anyone would like to be Kyle let me know. I am short on the children! Wait...I may just have to take a seat over there.
Anyway, today I want to give a shout out to the thing that has helped me the most in the last few years. Of everyone out there, you get down to the heart of me...and give me the courage to sing Beat Crusaders in public. Yes...I get loose. So, here is my ode to soju, in haiku form:
My Ode to Soju
Soju, my green pal.
You are there when I am sad,
And you never judge.
*Sigh* you are a good friend, Jinro. A good friend. See you all later, I will rant soon.
Chachi Out.
Anyway, today I want to give a shout out to the thing that has helped me the most in the last few years. Of everyone out there, you get down to the heart of me...and give me the courage to sing Beat Crusaders in public. Yes...I get loose. So, here is my ode to soju, in haiku form:
My Ode to Soju
Soju, my green pal.
You are there when I am sad,
And you never judge.
*Sigh* you are a good friend, Jinro. A good friend. See you all later, I will rant soon.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
I Deserve Better Than This! I Am A Doctor, Dammit!
Alright, what is up peeps? (WELCOME BACK TO THE BLOGOSPHERE, K-MONEY!) It has been a full two months since I have blogged because…well I wanted to keep my nose clean for work and it got me no-fucking-where because at the end of the day people are survivalists. Now some say that you should look for the best in people but those are the people that wake up in a tub filled with ice and one of their kidneys being sold to the Tijuana black market for bail money. I learned that from a doctor.
So now that I am back on the job market for having initiative and pretty much saying “well…you have no idea what the fuck you are doing so I am going to do this myself and eat a dick if you don’t like it” I feel okay in the long run because it WAS NOT GOING TO END WELL ANYWAY. It is like dating a woman for five months that you know her family hates you and you have nothing in common but her kids love you and you love her kids. Leaving would be awkward but you know it is the right thing to do but at the same time you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because…well, you are a pussy. PUSSY!
Maybe I should go into the ice sales business. I once sold ice to a Jew. And you KNOW they look for a bargain. ZING! Yep…I am back to offending the masses. It is what I do best. So since I haven’t been blogging in a while, I missed out on a lot of shit to rant on. I missed ranting on the death of Michael Jackson and how much…I didn’t really care. Tragic it was, but at the end of the day I cared less about Michael after I found out he DIDN’T have sex with children. At least being a pedo would explain the Webster weirdness. Also, I left the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation alone for the most part because he threw enough lefts for the both of us. And rights. YES! With those things passed on, I came back to blog just in time because something is coming up that has been a thorn in my side for a few years now (about three) and I usually get all pissy about it but not this year. Of course I speak about…
VALENTINE’S DAY
Now let me preface this first by saying…it would be smart for you to stop reading. I mean you in the global sense because some of the shit you are about to read in unintelligible, unpalatable and surprisingly enough not yet drunk ramblings. But I have a bottle of soju left and nowhere to go so this could get real good.
Now my experience with Valentine’s Day has been rather “meh” because women don’t love me (or don’t understand, depends on how the wind blows that day) and I am unlovable which makes for the perfect traits of someone that will stand outside your window with a boombox recreating the immortal scene from “Say Anything”. Then I remember that 100 feet is 100 feet and the police could give a FUCK about trying to live in a moment. They were never in LOVE! Or unrequited love in this case! Either way, I haven’t been one to sit back and say that “love sucks!” or “I don’t need to be in a relationship on Valentine’s day to validate myself!” during the stupid ass day because for the most part I feel that way everyday. You see, Valentine’s Day isn’t about love. It is about pageantry. What is really wrong with that? Some people feel that they have to partake in such things to show their signifigant other that they love them and they want the world to know. Is that so bad? I mean I still say fuck off because I could care less about you or your relationship but if two people need to show they love each other by celebrating a day that is the second most worthless holiday behind Easter (Dead Jesus = chocolate bunnies and eggs. Nothing says the death and resurrection of the King of the Jews like Hershey’s and breakfast items) for the world to see then who are those in the single community to give a shit? I have never been one that cares about Valentine’s Day but the fact that every single person in America bitches about what a sham it is kind of runs thin. If you need a DAY to validate your love rather than reinforce it then you are doing it wrong. However, if you see Valentine’s Day as a day to complain about the whole institution of love and marriage as a whole like some hippie bitching about the “corporate machine” then you are REALLY doing it wrong. Valentine’s Day are like every other holiday: an avenue for people to make more money. Accept it for what it is and enjoy yourself. So everyone have fun this Valentine’s Day. Celebrate it the way our forefathers did: by raping a slave. Oh come on! That’s fucking funny!
It’s good to be back. Oh, for those five of you here for the Countdown, here it is.
Man, it has been a while since I have posted this on the blog. Yes, I like K-Pop and J-Pop. Want to fight about it? A note, if you HAVE been coming here expecting it you would be best to go to the YouTube channel. From this point on, I will be blogging on here exclusively until I have a reason to stop. SO with that said, I will be back later this week (Odds are Sunday) with a rant about something that has been pissing me off for about 10 years: what in the fuck happened to R&B?! Robin Thicke is the best R&B singer out right now. Yes, the son of the Seaver patriarch is the best in the game right now. Anyway, I will be back soon. If you want a rant about something let me know. I am taking requests again as long as it isn’t about Sarah Palin or Final Fantasy XIII. Don’t ask. Stay up, peeps.
It’s good to be back. Chachi out.
So now that I am back on the job market for having initiative and pretty much saying “well…you have no idea what the fuck you are doing so I am going to do this myself and eat a dick if you don’t like it” I feel okay in the long run because it WAS NOT GOING TO END WELL ANYWAY. It is like dating a woman for five months that you know her family hates you and you have nothing in common but her kids love you and you love her kids. Leaving would be awkward but you know it is the right thing to do but at the same time you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because…well, you are a pussy. PUSSY!
Maybe I should go into the ice sales business. I once sold ice to a Jew. And you KNOW they look for a bargain. ZING! Yep…I am back to offending the masses. It is what I do best. So since I haven’t been blogging in a while, I missed out on a lot of shit to rant on. I missed ranting on the death of Michael Jackson and how much…I didn’t really care. Tragic it was, but at the end of the day I cared less about Michael after I found out he DIDN’T have sex with children. At least being a pedo would explain the Webster weirdness. Also, I left the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation alone for the most part because he threw enough lefts for the both of us. And rights. YES! With those things passed on, I came back to blog just in time because something is coming up that has been a thorn in my side for a few years now (about three) and I usually get all pissy about it but not this year. Of course I speak about…
VALENTINE’S DAY
Now let me preface this first by saying…it would be smart for you to stop reading. I mean you in the global sense because some of the shit you are about to read in unintelligible, unpalatable and surprisingly enough not yet drunk ramblings. But I have a bottle of soju left and nowhere to go so this could get real good.
Now my experience with Valentine’s Day has been rather “meh” because women don’t love me (or don’t understand, depends on how the wind blows that day) and I am unlovable which makes for the perfect traits of someone that will stand outside your window with a boombox recreating the immortal scene from “Say Anything”. Then I remember that 100 feet is 100 feet and the police could give a FUCK about trying to live in a moment. They were never in LOVE! Or unrequited love in this case! Either way, I haven’t been one to sit back and say that “love sucks!” or “I don’t need to be in a relationship on Valentine’s day to validate myself!” during the stupid ass day because for the most part I feel that way everyday. You see, Valentine’s Day isn’t about love. It is about pageantry. What is really wrong with that? Some people feel that they have to partake in such things to show their signifigant other that they love them and they want the world to know. Is that so bad? I mean I still say fuck off because I could care less about you or your relationship but if two people need to show they love each other by celebrating a day that is the second most worthless holiday behind Easter (Dead Jesus = chocolate bunnies and eggs. Nothing says the death and resurrection of the King of the Jews like Hershey’s and breakfast items) for the world to see then who are those in the single community to give a shit? I have never been one that cares about Valentine’s Day but the fact that every single person in America bitches about what a sham it is kind of runs thin. If you need a DAY to validate your love rather than reinforce it then you are doing it wrong. However, if you see Valentine’s Day as a day to complain about the whole institution of love and marriage as a whole like some hippie bitching about the “corporate machine” then you are REALLY doing it wrong. Valentine’s Day are like every other holiday: an avenue for people to make more money. Accept it for what it is and enjoy yourself. So everyone have fun this Valentine’s Day. Celebrate it the way our forefathers did: by raping a slave. Oh come on! That’s fucking funny!
It’s good to be back. Oh, for those five of you here for the Countdown, here it is.
Man, it has been a while since I have posted this on the blog. Yes, I like K-Pop and J-Pop. Want to fight about it? A note, if you HAVE been coming here expecting it you would be best to go to the YouTube channel. From this point on, I will be blogging on here exclusively until I have a reason to stop. SO with that said, I will be back later this week (Odds are Sunday) with a rant about something that has been pissing me off for about 10 years: what in the fuck happened to R&B?! Robin Thicke is the best R&B singer out right now. Yes, the son of the Seaver patriarch is the best in the game right now. Anyway, I will be back soon. If you want a rant about something let me know. I am taking requests again as long as it isn’t about Sarah Palin or Final Fantasy XIII. Don’t ask. Stay up, peeps.
It’s good to be back. Chachi out.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Christmas: The Celebration of Reindeer Slavery and Necromancy of Snowmen.
What is up, peeps?! It has been almost a month since my last post and that is because work is kicking my ass a bit and the fact that soju and I have gotten re-aquainted. You never judge me and that's why I love you so.
Well, it has been a while since I have posted the Countdown so let me give you the updated version:
Tae Yang is on top this week. I will have my 4th Chachi's Year End Extravaganza coming up on New Year's Eve on the blog and it will go all Christmas week on YouTube barring my account getting blocked.
So I havent ranted in a while but this is something that has be said and I am only going to say this once: I don't vare about Christmas. Stop asking, I am completely indifferent about it. If you are into then knock yourself out. But know that I could care less about Jesus's birth, reindeer, snowmen or that fat fuck Santa Claus. I don't mind the "holiday spirit" as long as it isnt bullshit and you understand that Jesus would have died of frostbite had he been born in a manger in December. And he was a Jew, so he was celebrating Channukah. Eight crazy nights is better than one birthday with "White Christmas" playing all damn day. Although I LOVE that song and play. Good times.
Anyway, happy holidays or whatever to you all and prepare also for the Year End Omnibus. Questions are accepted. Until then, stay up and get ready...Chachi is back.
CHACHI! (Say it like Gucci Mane says "Gucci!" and it makes sense.
Well, it has been a while since I have posted the Countdown so let me give you the updated version:
Tae Yang is on top this week. I will have my 4th Chachi's Year End Extravaganza coming up on New Year's Eve on the blog and it will go all Christmas week on YouTube barring my account getting blocked.
So I havent ranted in a while but this is something that has be said and I am only going to say this once: I don't vare about Christmas. Stop asking, I am completely indifferent about it. If you are into then knock yourself out. But know that I could care less about Jesus's birth, reindeer, snowmen or that fat fuck Santa Claus. I don't mind the "holiday spirit" as long as it isnt bullshit and you understand that Jesus would have died of frostbite had he been born in a manger in December. And he was a Jew, so he was celebrating Channukah. Eight crazy nights is better than one birthday with "White Christmas" playing all damn day. Although I LOVE that song and play. Good times.
Anyway, happy holidays or whatever to you all and prepare also for the Year End Omnibus. Questions are accepted. Until then, stay up and get ready...Chachi is back.
CHACHI! (Say it like Gucci Mane says "Gucci!" and it makes sense.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Much Like Washed Up Boxers, Trophy Wives And 30 Year Old Porn Stars...I Came Back For The Money.
What is up, people?! It has been a while since I have posted on the blog (Almost a month, I believe) but that streak ends RIGHT NOW! I am back on the scene with a pocket full of lean (If you remember what happened to me in April of this year then you know why I need it and man it is working wonders while I get rid of this thing AGAIN) and it is time to give the peeps an update on my wellbeing and whereabouts! So I give you the first ever…
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hip Hop And You Don't Stop!
What is up peeps?! Next week is the big event, the Chachi Music Video Awards! I will have the link up for previous winners on my Passion of Chachi blog from 2007 and 2008 (And 2006 if I can find the original post). Until then, we have a new Top 30 and A NEW NUMBER ONE!
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
Monday, October 19, 2009
Twilight Is Fucking Gay. This Post Has Nothing To Do With That...I Just Felt It Needed Repeating.
Hey peeps. Omnibus is pushed back for a bit because I lost motivation during the Falcons/Bears game on Sunday night. Kind of had one of those mindrapes where I realized that opening a vein is not my thing but the anal assault that is life never gives you a reach-around. Reality isn't much for cuddling or asking "is it good to you" when it is giving it to you in the ass. So now is the first in the ONLY FUCKING INSTALLMENT of...
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Friday, October 16, 2009
I Swear...By The Power Of The Moon, I WILL DEFEAT YOU! Wow, That Is Pretty Damn Gay Right There.
So total is a bitch on wheels. To Broomfield, to here, to Denver, to here. And tomorrow is going to be even ROUGHER due to the Air Force game and MC Chris to which I aint gonna complain. However, I had a few free minutes and it was pointed out to me that I said I was going to post one of my best gay marriage and abortion rants when I realized after searching I haven't DONE an abortion rant which shocked the shit out of me. So with that being said, I have posted a random post from 2008 (Literally random to fill space. Just call me Bleach and Naruto because its Filler Time! It...was funny when I thought of it. Due to the filler, I will actually DO an abortion question for the Omnibus, which I should have finished by Monday night I think. Gives me the weekend to recoup from the douchery of this whole week of driving and interviewing. Never compromise, peeps. NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER! Anyway, here is some old school madness from March of 2008.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
People Against Gay Marriage Obviously Haven't Seen "Newlyweds" or "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire"...
Okay, over the last few months I have been ranting a lot about two issues: gay marriage and abortion. Mostly because people think it is okay to keep fags from being in wedded bliss and keeping women from rightfully killing their own babies BEFORE they can drown them in a car and blame it on a Black guy (Yes, I went there and YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC so enough with the feigned shock of the shit I say. Get a fucking grip, pussies. PUSSIES!) but still, they are one of the few subjects I have any fervor about in terms of their defense. In retrospect of that, I am posting one of my favorite blogs on both subjects because I feel that awesomeness exudes from this blog like hot from Zac Efron and you can learn something. If you learn nothing from me, it's that I am more than willing to go to Chino to get my point across. Or not, I dunno. Prison seems fun in the Jermaine Jackson video:
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Usually, The Sequel Disappoints. Not THIS Time!
We are down to the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies! Let’s keep the party going!
10. Sowelu
(2007 Rank: #18, 2008 Rank: #8)
10. Sowelu
(2007 Rank: #18, 2008 Rank: #8)
I am very, very sad that I haven’t heard from Sowelu in a while. Like I have always said, she is the Japanese Mandy Moore which means that she is cuter than a kitten riding a puppy singing the “Nom Nom” song while petting a baby bunny. Yes, she is that damn cute.
9. Lucy Liu
9. Lucy Liu
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #6)
Hell, if you get a shout out in an Andre 3000 song, you MUST be saucy. Lucy Liu is that, although she seems to have fallen off the face of the damn planet over the last two years. Last thing I remember seeing her in was The Cleaner with Cedric The Entertainer. I mean, when she isn’t in my dreams wrestling the ladies of Rebelde in pudding. Yes, I have horrible dreams.
8. Crystal Kay
Hell, if you get a shout out in an Andre 3000 song, you MUST be saucy. Lucy Liu is that, although she seems to have fallen off the face of the damn planet over the last two years. Last thing I remember seeing her in was The Cleaner with Cedric The Entertainer. I mean, when she isn’t in my dreams wrestling the ladies of Rebelde in pudding. Yes, I have horrible dreams.
8. Crystal Kay
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Much like the Yuna Ito love I have, Crystal Kay has an amazing voice and I actually didn’t even see she was beautiful until like 2006-ish when I saw the video for “Kirakuni” in which she was HAAAAWT. Not a shabby dancer, either.
Much like the Yuna Ito love I have, Crystal Kay has an amazing voice and I actually didn’t even see she was beautiful until like 2006-ish when I saw the video for “Kirakuni” in which she was HAAAAWT. Not a shabby dancer, either.
7. Dulce Maria
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #5)
WHY IN THE HELL DID REBELDE HAVE TO BREAK UP?! I mean…WHY?! Now I never get to see Dulce Maria anymore, unless you count that crappy ass song with Akon as a time to look at her. No matter how saucy Dulce looks in a video, she can’t trump out the ugly Beastacon that is Akon.
6. Halle Berry
6. Halle Berry
(2007 Rank: #10, 2008 Rank: #18)
As you can tell, I have a bit of a love/hate thing with Halle Berry, mostly due to her doing Catwoman. Yes, I hold a grudge against that movie. I haven’t forgiven Jessica Alba for “Into The Blue” and I will never forgive Halle for fucking up a sure fire great female character in Catwoman. Although…her and Christian Bale in a movie as the Bat and the Cat…dare I dream?
5. Kate Winslet
As you can tell, I have a bit of a love/hate thing with Halle Berry, mostly due to her doing Catwoman. Yes, I hold a grudge against that movie. I haven’t forgiven Jessica Alba for “Into The Blue” and I will never forgive Halle for fucking up a sure fire great female character in Catwoman. Although…her and Christian Bale in a movie as the Bat and the Cat…dare I dream?
5. Kate Winslet
(2007 Rank: #1, 2008 Rank: #9)
Okay, now this was a point of contention between an ex and I because she thought Kate Winslet was fat and to that I pretty much told her to shut the fuck up because I didn’t bitch about her love of Vin Diesel (Who is a fucking mouth breather but was tolerable in The Pacifier). I even sat through Titanic…TWICE…to see her. Add in Hamlet and that shitball of a movie with Cameron Diaz & Jack Black (Ugh…I think I just threw up in my mouth at that combo) and I have gone through a lot for my Katie.
4. Mandy Moore
4. Mandy Moore
(2007 Rank: #6, 2008 Rank: #1)
How can anyone hate Mandy Moore? Hating Mandy Moore is like hating a kitten: no matter how horribly it may scractch up your couch, one nuzzle and look and you just melt. Now I don’t know if Mandy Moore commits property damage like that but just one look from her and all I think is “Aaaaaawwwww….yyyeeeeeaaaahhhh.” See what I did there?
3. Kristen Chenoweth
3. Kristen Chenoweth
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #4)
My love for the Chenoweth MOSTLY started with Wicked but it was her awesome sprite-like cuteness in Pushing Daisies that pushed me over the edge. She can sing, she can dance, she can act and she pulls off humor like no woman I know can. Except maybe Mary Tyler Moore but…she’s too old even for me. 55 is the age for retirement and the age even I must say no. I’m sorry!
2. Hyori Lee
2. Hyori Lee
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank #3)
Can I just say this right here and right now: Hyori Lee STILL needs to eat something. She also has something I would like to eat, if you know what I mean! By that, I mean reportedly she is a great cook…you sick FREAKS. Either way, Hyo Ri Lee caught my attention back in college with Fin KL (Man, I am getting up there) and has had it ever since. Oh, and “U-Go-Girl” is the song that goes from annoying to awesome in Avril Lavigne seconds:
It’s like “Girlfriend” without all the gay if you actually sing it. Only 80%...85% tops because my Korean is LIMITED. So we have a new sauciest lady for 2009! And it is…
1. Nelly Furtado
Can I just say this right here and right now: Hyori Lee STILL needs to eat something. She also has something I would like to eat, if you know what I mean! By that, I mean reportedly she is a great cook…you sick FREAKS. Either way, Hyo Ri Lee caught my attention back in college with Fin KL (Man, I am getting up there) and has had it ever since. Oh, and “U-Go-Girl” is the song that goes from annoying to awesome in Avril Lavigne seconds:
It’s like “Girlfriend” without all the gay if you actually sing it. Only 80%...85% tops because my Korean is LIMITED. So we have a new sauciest lady for 2009! And it is…
1. Nelly Furtado
(2007 Rank: 14, 2008 Rank: 16)
Now aside from my affinity for the backyard (I likes to beg for change, not peddle for dollars and I will NOT explain that analogy again) I never objectify women by trait because I hate having the same done to me…except in terms of things they DON’T find attractive about me. It’s a conundrum. But I just have to say once again, and I say it every year, that Nelly Furtado has the most striking eyes and smile I have ever seen on a woman ever:
MY GOD, like Debbie Gibson was to Johnny Depp, I get lost in her eyes. The last woman I knew that has eyes anywhere CLOSE to that also had my self-respect, pride and dignity. Don’t worry; I got them back because even when you smile, I can still see you are a bitch. BOO-YAH! Oh, and of course Nelly Furtado has got…DAT DUMPLIN BUTT!!
Scoopy Giles, I’m with you on bringing it back! With that, I bid you all adieu! See you next year for the 2010 edition of the Sauciest Ladies of the year and hopefully we will have seen more of Miss Furtado by then. Thanks for reading and the Countdown should be up tomorrow. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Now aside from my affinity for the backyard (I likes to beg for change, not peddle for dollars and I will NOT explain that analogy again) I never objectify women by trait because I hate having the same done to me…except in terms of things they DON’T find attractive about me. It’s a conundrum. But I just have to say once again, and I say it every year, that Nelly Furtado has the most striking eyes and smile I have ever seen on a woman ever:
MY GOD, like Debbie Gibson was to Johnny Depp, I get lost in her eyes. The last woman I knew that has eyes anywhere CLOSE to that also had my self-respect, pride and dignity. Don’t worry; I got them back because even when you smile, I can still see you are a bitch. BOO-YAH! Oh, and of course Nelly Furtado has got…DAT DUMPLIN BUTT!!
Scoopy Giles, I’m with you on bringing it back! With that, I bid you all adieu! See you next year for the 2010 edition of the Sauciest Ladies of the year and hopefully we will have seen more of Miss Furtado by then. Thanks for reading and the Countdown should be up tomorrow. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, October 12, 2009
Ladies, How Would You Like A Part In My Movie? And I Got Just The Part For You!
What is up, peeps?! It is too fucking cold to function right now so I thought I would put up a new post today while my movies are downloading. It has been a while since I have done this post (April of last year I believe, so this is hella late) but it is time for the 2009 edition of the Passion of Chachi staple…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Sauciest Ladies of 2009!
First off, some ground rules. These are my personal opinions of the ladies that make my day bright and allow me to occasionally not be lulled to sleep by my screams or the sound of my tears hitting my pillow. You have your own opinions and there is a high probability that I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. The world wide web is vast so you can find something else to occupy your time. Secondly, there are some people that WILL not be on here so I don’t want any comments about “Hey, why isn’t [Insert shitty actress or shittier singers’ name here] on here?! She’s fucking hot, bro! You’re a homo!” These asshats go as follows:
Megan Fox (Mouth breathers may be hot to you, but not to me. If not liking her makes me gay then that is fine because Johnny Depp and Zac Efron are hotter any-fucking-way AND KNOW THEIR TRADE BETTER THAN THAT BITCH. Yeah, I said it.)
Katy Perry (She can’t sing. That’s kind of a prerequisite if you are a fucking singer. What she does sing is trifling and her head looks like Green Goblin’s in the first Spiderman movie.)
Nicki Minaj (Who is she and why is she rapping? And poorly at that? At least Foxy Brown had talent and Lil’ Kim…um…picked the right man to fuck. Yeah, I said it.)
Any woman from a music video (Especially that HORRIBLE Drake video for “Best I Ever Had” because…those ladies weren’t all that attractive. They just jiggled and if jiggling equals hot to you then you and I differ because I just found it to be excessive and kind of gross. Like CGI but not as good.)
Serena Williams (Yeah…restraining orders are in effect on the internet as well. Mail yourself to a tennis stare ONE TIME and they get all paranoid and shit. Gawd!)
So now that you know the ground rules, let us begin with some honorable mentions for 2009!
Honorable Mentions:
Salma Hayek (Most of it is because I NEVER SEE HER ANYWHERE. That and the whole unibrow in “Frieda” kind of…still scares the fucking shit out of me.)
Lauren London (If you have a baby by Lil’ Wayne, you can’t be on here. Section 3.1, Bylaw 56.23)
Hayden Panettiere (She can’t act. I sat through “I Love You, Beth Cooper” and being hot encompasses several things. If you can’t act and you are a jerk to people then you cannot have my heart. Damn shame, I love “Bring It On 3” when she smacks her ass.)
Chae Yeon (It was either Chae or Hyori and Hyori wins this round. Maybe next year..although I loves me some “Shake”)
Mmm…hells yeah. Now let’s get started!
20. Rachel Stevens (formerly of S Club 7)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
19. Kumi Koda
18. Kim Yu Bin (of Wonder Girls)
17. Shakira
16. Nicole (of KARA)
15. Yuna Ito
11. Vanessa Anne Hudgens
Passion of Chachi Presents: Sauciest Ladies of 2009!
First off, some ground rules. These are my personal opinions of the ladies that make my day bright and allow me to occasionally not be lulled to sleep by my screams or the sound of my tears hitting my pillow. You have your own opinions and there is a high probability that I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. The world wide web is vast so you can find something else to occupy your time. Secondly, there are some people that WILL not be on here so I don’t want any comments about “Hey, why isn’t [Insert shitty actress or shittier singers’ name here] on here?! She’s fucking hot, bro! You’re a homo!” These asshats go as follows:
Megan Fox (Mouth breathers may be hot to you, but not to me. If not liking her makes me gay then that is fine because Johnny Depp and Zac Efron are hotter any-fucking-way AND KNOW THEIR TRADE BETTER THAN THAT BITCH. Yeah, I said it.)
Katy Perry (She can’t sing. That’s kind of a prerequisite if you are a fucking singer. What she does sing is trifling and her head looks like Green Goblin’s in the first Spiderman movie.)
Nicki Minaj (Who is she and why is she rapping? And poorly at that? At least Foxy Brown had talent and Lil’ Kim…um…picked the right man to fuck. Yeah, I said it.)
Any woman from a music video (Especially that HORRIBLE Drake video for “Best I Ever Had” because…those ladies weren’t all that attractive. They just jiggled and if jiggling equals hot to you then you and I differ because I just found it to be excessive and kind of gross. Like CGI but not as good.)
Serena Williams (Yeah…restraining orders are in effect on the internet as well. Mail yourself to a tennis stare ONE TIME and they get all paranoid and shit. Gawd!)
So now that you know the ground rules, let us begin with some honorable mentions for 2009!
Honorable Mentions:
Salma Hayek (Most of it is because I NEVER SEE HER ANYWHERE. That and the whole unibrow in “Frieda” kind of…still scares the fucking shit out of me.)
Lauren London (If you have a baby by Lil’ Wayne, you can’t be on here. Section 3.1, Bylaw 56.23)
Hayden Panettiere (She can’t act. I sat through “I Love You, Beth Cooper” and being hot encompasses several things. If you can’t act and you are a jerk to people then you cannot have my heart. Damn shame, I love “Bring It On 3” when she smacks her ass.)
Chae Yeon (It was either Chae or Hyori and Hyori wins this round. Maybe next year..although I loves me some “Shake”)
Mmm…hells yeah. Now let’s get started!
20. Rachel Stevens (formerly of S Club 7)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, those of you that haven’t seen S Club 7 odds are have no idea who Rachel Stevens is. However, if you HAVE seen S Club 7 (And I have, I loved that show!) know that Rachel Stevens is the hottest thing to come out of the British Isles since…well, someone else on here later.
19. Kumi Koda
(2007 Rank: #11, 2008 Rank: #13)
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
18. Kim Yu Bin (of Wonder Girls)
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
17. Shakira
(2007 Rank: #2, 2008 Rank: #14)
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
16. Nicole (of KARA)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
15. Yuna Ito
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #19)
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
14. Portia De Rossi
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
13. Keri Hilson
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
12. Aly Michalka
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #15)
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
11. Vanessa Anne Hudgens
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Very Little Life Exists In Shallow Water. Yes, I Can Be Fucking Poetic Sometimes.
So I really wanted to touch on a topic that I covered a while back because it seemed to need repeating. So as I have gotten older, I have realized that the act of being shallow hits new lows. Now what bugs me about this isn’t the act of being shallow it is the denial and utter and complete lies that go along with the act. Now I will be the first to admit that I am no Terrance Bi Efron-Howard so some would say I have right to ever be selective in who I decide to (or not to) date/associate with. Let’s look at this with a little bit of logic. I know that is hard if nigh impossible for some of you fucktards but bear with me. Your dumb ass might learn something. So it is time to revisit a few things from my past rants with…
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?
Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me…I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!
So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.
However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:
Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.
Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.
Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.
Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious and TAKE A FUCKING JOKE. We are all about the lulz here at The Passion. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. Are you telling me that Hitler was like:
“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”
No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.
Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.
There are two things I never complain about:
1. Not having sex.
2. Being a fattie.
You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.
Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.
One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness (And all your electronics will be mysteriously missing) after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:
Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean…who can turn down THIS?
When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate? Yep…that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.
At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?
Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me…I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!
So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.
However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:
Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.
Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.
Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.
Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious and TAKE A FUCKING JOKE. We are all about the lulz here at The Passion. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. Are you telling me that Hitler was like:
“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”
No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.
Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.
There are two things I never complain about:
1. Not having sex.
2. Being a fattie.
You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.
Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.
One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness (And all your electronics will be mysteriously missing) after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:
Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean…who can turn down THIS?
When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate? Yep…that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.
At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
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