Sometimes, The Sequel Is Better Than The First. Not Here.

What is up, peeps?! I am back once again and I have a question for you all: why do you always read when I do my worst work? I really HATED yesterdays post but I had SIXTY-SIX READERS yesterday after I posted my “Break or No Break” blog which is the highest in about two months. I usually get 20 people a day which is MORE than enough for a guy that does about 60% of his work drunk on this thing. Man…I have been clean for almost two weeks. Unless you count that gay drink I had at PF Chang’s last week which I DON’T because I have had more alcohol in Crest toothpaste. Either way, it seems like you all liked the “Break or No Break” post so I guess I will start off with a little more for you all!

Break Or No Break Part II: The Re-Breakening!

Is that even a word? I don’t know…but I think it isn’t. Anyway, let’s get started. Yesterday was the rational aspects of dating (Religion, baby killing, tattoos) so now it is time for a few things I am on the fence about.

Kind Of A Deal Breaker: Fake Breasts

Okay, understand something right now: if you have them that is fine. I cant take them out and if you are happy with forgien objects in your chest than more power to you. However, I have always believed that there is a lot of undue stress put on the titty, not just by men but by women themselves. I would say that one in every three women I know (You know who you are and if we haven’t had this conversation…I thank you because your funbags are not a topic I want to have as a discussion piece) hate their breast size. First off, why are you telling me this shit? I don’t care! Your breasts aren’t paying my student loans or driving me to work! If they are too small, SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy with what you have because if someone is judging you for your boobs then they are kind of a cockwad anyway. Cockwad….priceless. If they are too big….SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy you have something others don’t have the luxury of having. You think I get all pissy about being fat? Hell no, I rub it in to homeless and Africans all the damn time! I send pictures of myself to hungry Ethiopians once a week eating at a buffet. Fuck them skinny, hungry bastards! Stop fucking and start farming!

Anyway, the fact that you are willing to modify your body cosmetically for something that is in essence is just there to produce milk and help you learn how to master soccer when you are older (I will give you time to get that one) is to ME (Again dumbfucks, TO ME) is a waste of time and is the ultimate in insecurity. I understand that they give you self-esteem and they make you feel “symmetrical” (I say that because a girl said that to me when I was at Denver Tech and I literally laughed in her face. I….am not a sensitive man) but seriously. Unless one was stolen by pirates….which would be the coolest band of pirates ever….there is no need for fake breasts. To get fake breasts is like niggas with platinum grillz in their mouth: you want the attention but in the end you just look like you don’t want to be. A whore, which I personally believe isn’t fair (I know a lot of flat-chested whores out there that aren’t getting their due) but much like me still being a nigger although I can read and have no felonies it is life. Here is a news flash for you. Both fake breasts and platinum teeth are:

• Gaudy. Fake breasts don’t look attractive. I am sorry, they don’t. It is just like Napolean invading Russia in the winter. A good idea at the time but after the alcohol and dumbfuckery wear off, you realize that is a pretty stupid-ass idea. Except now they are locked into place like Voltron lions. Gotta keep it nerd!
• Not-Functional. Now this is kind of a non-truth because breasts DO serve a purpose: to distract the stupid. Oh, and give milk but we also have Safeway and it is cheaper. ZING! From babies to bros, a breast serves its purpose as a weapon of mass distraction. But aside from that, they are just like niggas: they just lay there…taking up space. Besides, all women do is complain about them in terms of them either hurting them physically (Back aches and whatnot) or my all-time favorite that no one takes them seriously. Well, think of it like this: if you surgically give yourself a third eye, people will look. It is the exact same aspect: breasts that stick out and up like an Kobe Bryant in Japan are out of the norm and people will stare. It is SIMPLE FUCKING LOGIC! Gawd, why is that so hard to comprehend?!
• Self-Defeating. This goes along with non-functional but I think that non-functional is too far. Like I stated before, women feel they have a negative connotation from men AND other women (Because women are the ultimate haters. Talk to one for ten minutes and see what I mean. JUST LIKE NIGGAS! Man, I need to turn this shit into a book) when they get fake breasts. Yet….they still get them and then they complain.

At the end of the day, I am not against them altogether because like I said people do things that I think are unnecessary but I am one man with one opinion. Getting them doesn’t make you a horrible person just like getting a tattoo or an abortion don’t make you a horrible person. Hell, chicks that get abortions are awesome because odds are they will cut a nigga for you. THEY KILLED A BABY, MAN! That is stone cold! I kid, I kid. However, I believe that you should at least ATTEMPT to be happy with what you have whether it is in excess or lacking. Besides, having fake breasts doesn’t mean you should be devoid in…what’s that thing people lack so often…oh a FUCKING PERSONALITY. Just like men need to learn that nice cars don’t mean you can have the brain capacity of a retarded bat, women need to understand that while I fake breasts are okay you have to have more personality than them. I am just saying. I don’t want none of this:

Give me some of this:

Better yet….

DAMN, TOO MUCH BOOTY IN THE PANTS!!

I likes the backyard…I admits it.

Not Really A Deal Breaker: Kids (Unless They Bad. Then We Gots To Have A Talk)

Okay, I have had this conversation with some of homies and they always say “Oh, I will never date or marry a woman with kids! That is ground zero!” and I understand that statement. Kids are a responsibility that I do not want and I have a high amount of respect for women doing it on their own because someone has to. Don’t want to have to beat a kid with a bat because he tried to rob me because daddy wasn’t there to put a foot in his ass. Oh, and for those of you who have stripper daughters because daddy wasn’t there to tell her that he loved her….you can’t win them all:

Doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. You did good. Restecpa. At the end of the day, only Muslims have 70 female virgins lying around because….they is all in those burkas and shit. No man wants a sweaty bitch. This is Colorado Springs and the dude to chick ratio rivals the fucking Smurfs so odds are a woman has had “teh sex” with another man and since people here are dumb from the lack of oxygen they don’t protect themselves. In other words, there are rugrats running around and like Bruce Lee did his demons in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story you to must confront a woman’s children. Which is fine because children are the future and there is nothing more vindicating than warping someone else’s children like I would do mine. Children absorb your knowledge like the sponge a woman wasn’t smart enough to use that would have kept her from getting pregnant in the first place. Or with at least more accuracy than not.

There is nothing wrong with a woman with kids…unless they are bad. Now there is a CERTAIN PERSON who will remain nameless that has two hellions that are THIS CLOSE to catching a brain-ah-bustah:

Now all kids are rambunctional. Hell, I had my destructive day. Yes, DAY because my mom was the master of a little something called “Killanigga-Fu” that kept me from doing a lot of shit. At the end of the day, a woman with kids is a fact of life just like a man with kids. Yes, it is rarer than usual but it happens and that shouldn’t stop you from getting to know that person. Unless that kid is in need of a serious chairshot:

God, The Rock nearly killed like seven people with chairshots. It’s what made him The People’s Champ!

A TOTAL Deal Breaker: A Penis

Yeah…..um….ew. Now understand one thing here. VERY CLEARLY. I am very open in my sexuality but one thing I will not tolerate from a mate is a penis. Little known fact: dispite my love of the theater, Wham! And disco I am totally straight. I don’t care who’s it is….that shit is gross. The human wang is NOT a beautiful thing when it is supposed to be in or on me and it is not my own. Yes I have an affinity for Zac Efron and Bi but at the end of the day we are not having the sex. I mean, maybe some cuddling but sex is OUT. I KID, I KID. I would totally go legs akimbo for Johnny Depp.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, I AM JOKING!

I’m cereal right now. No more dudes buying me drinks. I feel bad about not giving it up at the end of the night. I don’t want to be a “roadrunner” as Nicole put it. I swear I’m not a whore!

Well, that is enough of that for a while. I am surprised you all liked the first one but hey, to each their own. So I bought my first CD’s since I bought The Little Mermaid Broadway Production (Seriously…I am straight) and I am one of the reportedly over 423,000 people that bought Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III” ON ITS FIRST DAY OF RELEASE. Those are some sick numbers right there. I mean like Kanye or Eminem numbers! I mean….it’s Lil Wayne! Now I have never bought a Lil Wayne album and think his best song never even got a damn video:

That is some bad ass notes right there. However, I decided to give the album a chance in hopes he would improve over the ball of shit that was “Lollipop” because that itself made me NOT want to buy it. So now, let me give you the first (I believe) ever album review on the Passion of Chachi! So now, since everyone else has already reviewed it or downloaded the bootleg I give you…

Master Chief Captain Chachi Presents: Turn My Headphones Up!

Today’s Album: Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III”

Okay, let’s get this out of the way. “A Milli” and “Lollipop” suck ass. “Feel Like Dying” should be on there (there is a hidden track that iTunes won’t play and I hope that is it) as it really branches out, giving us something that is more Andre 3000 than Lil Wayne. With that out of the way, the album is full of average songs for the hype given and in comparison to the work he put in on mixtapes and remixes in the last 12 months (For a while, he had me at “I am the beast. Feed me rappers or feed me beats”. I expected nothing from “Mr. Carter” as Jay-Z has been phoning it in since The Blueprint IMHO while “Tie My Hands” with Robin Thicke doesn’t recapture the awesomeness that was “Shooter” but it is a good groove. I will say this about his album: the producers brought it for him. From Kanye West to Swizz Beats (Who actually made a beat that didn’t reloop an annoying ass sample! Branching out!) the beats on this album are worth the $9.99 price I paid for it. Lil Wayne’s lyricism is unparallel on guest verses and mixtapes but I don’t believe he has EVER brought it like Common, Kanye and even T.I. on a FULL ALBUM. A great album isn’t three great songs (Let The Beat Build, Playing With Fire and Shoot Me Down I really like) and a slew of average songs. Oh, and Lollipop which sucks ass, I don’t care what anyone says. You know, the songs he left off or had on UK or iTunes exclusive versions were better than some of the songs left on for the mass release (I HATE the hook for “Whip It” but that fucker is catchy as hell).

Overall, this album is on par with his first albums (I said I never BOUGHT a Lil Wayne album) but nowhere near as good as his first album. I miss Mannie Fresh. In closing, it was more of the same from Weezy which is a letdown as I was really expecting him to really jump that threshold concept-wise when putting together an album. I don’t know what it is, but the creativity and freedom he gives us on guest spots and street mixes are not heard on his albums and that is disheartening. If KG doesn’t win the NBA Finals this year, he really COULD BE raps Kevin Garnett. I give "Tha Carter III" Three Platinum Chains out of Five!

Well, that is all for now. I will odds are not be up tomorrow as I will be in Denver for work but I will have the Countdown up on either LAAAAAATE Friday night or Saturday for the first time in a year or so. I try to keep a schedule on this thing. Oh, and I don’t post before it comes out….I never thought I would say this…but GO SEE “THE INCREDIBLE HULK!”

I am officially sold on this movie. I will be there! Oh....and Mandy Moore is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I love you, Mandy!

Chachi Out.

Break The Walls Down!!

First things first: I hate the people in Colorado Springs. You non-driving, inbred, redneck fucktards need to DIE SLOW. Three open lanes and you chill in the merging lane?! See, this is why I don’t carry a gun because I would sho’nuff thin out the fucking ranks. Yet if I eliminate this person and make the world better for the smart people, I GO TO JAIL. Where is the damn justice?

So I am watching what is arguably the most ELECTRIFYING DVD to ever grace the planet Earth as I just picked up The Rock’s DVD:

Aaaaaaand I just came again. If you hate The Rock, you hate America. Now if THE ROCK were running for president I am sure no country would ever mess with us. It is more of a retrospective seeing as how I am about 25 minutes in and I HAVENT SEEN THE ROCK YET but hey, I am happy just to have The Rock vs. Chris Jericho for the Undisputed Title. I will put that up there with most matches as one of the best ever and I may have marked out harder for that than I did for Ricky Steamboat beating Randy Savage at Wrestlemania III. I also enjoy him kicking the shit out of Triple H. Sir Snoz pisses me off so much.

So a while back a certain female out there asked me a question that at the time I didn’t answer because it wasn’t pertinent to our drunken discussion (Or it may have been, I think we were talking about being shallow but I was about four vodka & tonics in so my memory is sketchy) but I think it needs to be addressed since people seem to think I am anti-woman and think they are less than people. That could not be more farther from the truth and right on the button despite being so incorrectly right. To paraphrase what she asked:

“So what ISN’T a deal breaker when choosing a woman to date?’

Let me preface this by the fact that she asked me about her tattoo (Which narrows it down to about….99.93 percent of the women I know. And the one without one BETTER NOT GET ONE UNLESS IT IS OF A SILVER SNAKE! LEGEND OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE, FOOL!) and I pretty much told her I think that they are stupid and that I am not a fan but that is just me and she responded with “WAH WAH WAH WAH-WAH-WAH-GOOBADY GOO.” I kid, I kid that’s how all women sound to me. I KID! She said something about are tattoos a deal breaker and I said “no, because that would rule out about 80% of the 21-30 age range” which sadly is about true. It got me to thinking, especially about how I have done three….well, two and a half rants about how being shallow isn’t effective if you ever want to find someone that isn’t a fucktard, whore, douchebag or crazy bitch. Please understand, when I say I don’t like tattoos or multiple peircings or women voting that doesn’t mean you are a bad person and that doesn’t mean I will say “You have a tattoo of a butterfly on the small of your back?! UNCLEAN! BEGONE TROLLOP WHORE TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND!” even if I SHOULD because that is not cool. I wouldn’t want someone saying I’m undatable because I am Mayor McFattie. I am undateable because I love too much….and I am fucking nuts. Either way, I wanted to address a few things because it is what I do here on the Passion of Chachi and quite simply…I’M AWESOME!

Chachi’s Break or Don’t Break!

Deal Breaker: Your Religion

Now you all know I could give a rats ass who you pray to just as long as you don’t expect ME to pray to your pussy-ass god. Now since most people (Females especially) spit on the Bible or Torah or Quran or Chronicles of Narnia or whatever book of bullshit you follow just by waking up in the morning I don’t care about how you live your life in a religious aspect. I had dated a Mormon in college and she wanted me to go to church with her one time. Her father put the KABOSH on that shit real quick and I knew it would happen. Don’t even get me started on the conversation I had with a certain woman that will remain nameless but this is how it went:

Her: So don’t believe in God?
Me: I believe in Jack Burton. Does that count?
Her: Who is Jack Burton?
Me: Porkchop…never mind. No, I don’t believe in the Christian god nor anyone else’s. To believe in one discounts all others way of life and believes which in its essence makes you a bad person.
Her: Well you ARE a bad person if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ.
Me: ….what in the BLOODY FUCK is your PROBLEM, woman?!

Surprisingly, we lasted three more months before we got fed up with the lies. Well, I gave up listening to and believing in the lies and she got tired of telling them I guess. It’s a lot harder to live the lie than to just admit it. BTW, I should be slapped a lot more, honestly. That was uncalled for and FUNNY AS SHIT! However, most people would see that as mean while I see that as good clean, humor. Anyway, I don’t have a religion and I honestly don’t mind if you have one. DO NOT try to convert me to your religion and think that pussy will make me do it because if you give it up before you are married…you are going to hell. So all you unwed and divorced mothers say hello to Hilter and Martin Luther King Jr. for me. Shouldn’t have been sexing up the white women. That sweet, sweet white sugar aint for darkies you chubby cheeked monkey! I don’t mind if you are religious but that is one thing that I will NOT back down on. Just because you believe in Jebus or Moses doesn’t mean I have to. Fuck a bowl of matzo ball soup. Give me some BUKKAKE!

Udon. You are so nasty!

NOT A Deal Breaker: Tattoos

WHAT?! After all the shit I talk about women with tattoos they arent a deal breaker when it comes to dating one? Hell no because they all have one. It is like saying I won’t draft an NFL player because the dude smoked weed. Or saying I won’t date a woman that sucked another man’s’ dick. They all have, that’s why women brush their teeth so much. Isn’t it? In all seriousness here. I am not a fan of tattoos and never have been. Never will be, either. However, I have never judged anyone with a tattoo and never will because we all do things that aren’t the brightest. Hell, I used to have an S-Curl. It didn’t scar me and be something that at 50 won’t look like such a good idea but man, I pray there are no pictures of that time. I looked like I was a member of Troop:

KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL! Sorry, back to my point. Some of my best friends have tattoos both male and female. Mostly female because my male friends (Aside from Copper who has the tribal band. BRO!) don’t have tattoos because they pretty much run under the same creedo that I do: Tattoos are for: Yakuza members, prisoners to represent street warfare and Pete from “Adventures of Pete and Pete”. If you aint one of them, you just wasted some ink and scarred yourself for life. That doesn’t make you a bad person and doesn’t mean you can’t be the object of my affection…but it does make me wonder about you ability to not succumb to peer pressure because that is what you did. Oh, and if you are religious AND have a tattoo the rules are different. You fucking suck.

Let’s keep on going, shall we?

NOT A Deal Breaker: Having An Abortion

You killed a baby in cold blood? YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME! Seriously, the first time a girl told me she had an abortion in a way that she thought it would make me think poorly of her was when I was in college. She was a year younger than I was which made me think that keeping her legs closed was a better idea but say lah vee and all that jazz. She thought I would be upset and not like her anymore which was awkward but understandable. Let me explain something right here and now: I am not pro-choice, I am anti-baby. The fewer the babies in this world the safer we are. Santa can deliver presents faster and we can finally be free of children’s programming. As a woman I don’t give a fuck what you do with your body because life begins when those in power say so. Is your body and if you feel like ending a life then go for it. Think of it like The Sims when you don’t feed your Sim or let it go to the bathroom….then suck it out of the house with a vacuum cleaner. As long as you are okay and you feel it was the best decision there aint a damn thing anyone can say. Unless you use it as a form of birth control. You KNOW how babies are made and you KNOW where they come from. After the first one, I think you should have to go through an obstacle course or something because condoms are a lot cheaper than a visit to the Roto-rooter. Hell, swallowing is free! Aaaaaaand that’s why no woman will ever love me: they don’t know funny.

Deal Breaker: Fucking Nick Cannon

Yes, I do ask that of you so be prepared. That shit is gross and if you have done it then you officially have the Yak Clap. Fuck Nick Cannon, say no to the Chachi. YOU’RE CUT OFF!

Well, now you know more about me. I will try to be back up tomorrow night as Thursday I will be in Denver for a conference all day until around 11pm so the Countdown will either be on Thursday or Saturday. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

Another Day Older, Another Day I Wish Flanders Were Dead...

Okay, I am back up for a little something-something. Almost bedtime though because I have been tired AS FUCK the last few mornings.

Random Thought #1: Putting Lime In A Beer Doesn’t Make It Better. It’s Just Lime Piss.

Okay, first off let it be known that I DO NOT LIKE BEER. I can tolerate a Blue Moon because I pretty much lived off of it for a while (Aahhh, the Happy Hours on Friday when I was at The Q. Those were the…drunken…halcyon days) but aside from an occasional Asahi/Sapporo (Or Ichiban. Now THAT is some good drinkin!) I really hate beer. It is fucking nasty and the people that say it is “tasty” are devoid of any kind of palette and have had it desensitized due to the years of PBR and Nati Ice. What I don’t understand are the “premium” beers that still must taste like shit. Budweiser Select is still Budweiser which means it tastes like mid-life crisis and poor fathering. Miller High Life is the nastiest beer I have ever had and I only enjoyed it as I attempted to drown my sorrows in 2005 when the Philadelphia Eagles and Atlanta Falcons played in the NFC Championship Game. After about 5 pitchers, anything tastes good.

What really gets me is the lime in the beer. Now I will put an orange slice in my Blue Moon but that is because it is already there when I get it. Now I am not a beer aficionado so I am unsure why people do that it is there and I figure why the hell not. The lime in the Mexican beer is understandable because they are a weird people. Ever celebrated that “Day of the Dead” holiday of theirs? Fucked up shit. Putting a lime in a Corona or a Negra Modelo (Another beer I can stand but don’t necessarily like) and other Mexican beers (Which I don’t drink)…

HOLY SHIT! CHRIS JERICHO JUST MARTY JANETTY’D SHAWN MICHAELS!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY!!

Sorry, I just like seeing Shawn Michaels get what is coming to him. Y2J! Y2J! Y2J! Bret Hart is proud of you. My bad, back on the beer. Putting lime in Mexican beers is okay because it is custom I think. Just like Speedy Gonzalez and being sleepy. They are a people deep in tradition of…drinking which brings on sleeping. Wow, circle of life. Anyway, can someone tell me who thought it was a good idea to put lime in Miller Beer?

Okay, let’s do some math here:

PISS + LIME + DOUCHEBAG = LIMEY PISSANT FUCK

That pretty much covers it. Beer is bad. Shitty beer is bad enough. Adding a lime just makes it pisstris nastyness. Wow…piss + citrus = pistriss. I AM AWESOME!

Random Thought #2: Pimp My Daughter: K-Pop Style!

Okay, I will be the first to admit my love for Hinoi Team and take myself to task that they are well underage. Well, in JAPAN they are good and legal. Here, they are good and legal if I pee on them and dammit, I am not that kind of pervert. Anyway, I have been listening to Wonder Girls for a while and I really liked “Tell Me” and “Irony” but never saw the videos of them so I had no idea what they looked like or even did. So a few months ago I saw the “Tell Me” video:

O…..kay? Not as sexful as some of the other girl groups out there that are a tad older (Tenjo Chiki, Jewelry, etc) but still a little bit on the risqué end of the spectrum. And what was up with the hentai in the locker hopping out and showing his nasties?! I know “hentai” is Japanese but I don’t remember the Korean word for “nasty ass old man showing his googly giggidy to teenage girls.” So despite the adult-like wears they are still dressing their age with isn’t saying much because girls their age dress like skanks. Compared to their age group, they are actually dressed rather concervatively. Now…check out their latest video for “So Hot”:

First off….DAMN THIS SONG IS FUCKING AWESOME! I don’t know why, but this song is the shit! Catchy as HELL. I even know the first verse! I am so festive! Secondly…did you look at the lyrics? What in the hell are they, Pussycat Dolls: Seoul Patrol? That song is trifiling as hell! Not only that, why in the hell are they dancing like that? Now don’t get me wrong, I know they are no Kumi Koda or Namie Amuro. However, the dances are just….bad. Not even sexy as much as….Kids Incorporated bad. What is really weird is that three of the members are 18 or older (Sun Ye, Yeh Eun and Yoo Bin) while the other two are Hinoi-esque in their ages (Sun Mi is 16 and So Hee, the one who sang second….IS FIFTEEN!) and yet I don’t think anyone can tell. Can you?

Don’t pull the “all Asians look alike!” card because if can tell the difference between Japanese, Koreans and Chinese (Mainly because of imported porn, but hey it’s a skill) then you can. Can you tell which the jailbait? I thought so. That is wrong….so, so , so wrong-wrong. I know this is about money and getting fans but I think this is very right for them as an image. What do I know, though. They were brought to us by a professional, one Jin Young Park or JYP, the genius that brought us Rain:

WHOA, that is one ugly nigga! The man makes 50 Cent looks like Terrance Howard! I guess I know why he makes little girls act sexy for him…he is a fucking pervert. For shame, JYP! You sick, sick man! R. Kelly even finds you disgusting! Unless you pee on them, then I guess it’s cool. Hell, release an American language CD and you may get a Grammy out of it! Man….that was wrong.

Random Thought #3: Rebelde….GREATEST SHOW EVER THAT I DON’T COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!

Seriously… this show was so damn awesome it made me hit a second puberty. Roberta y Mia…tu Corazon es EN FUEGO!!!

Damn it, does anyone know these episodes? I am watching right now and I don’t need to skip to them but I need to know where to save up the lotion at. I kid, I kid. Seriously, though. This show was AWESOME. I know why Nolan went apeshit when they deleted his saved episodes at the Buy.

Well, I am out for now. I may not have a post up Wednesday because I plan on buying “The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment” on DVD Tuesday. Oh, and Boondocks Season Two comes out that day, too. I will be incommunicado for a while. IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LAOW….what the Chachi…is….cooking.

Chachi Out

Reading Is For Poor People!

Man, the weekend is over and it is off to fricking work. LAAAAAAAAAAME. Anyway, I have some good news. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was working on a “book” that was going to include new work and a collection of my blogs. Well, in between working, drinking sake (and soju of course) and my normal posts on the blog I have been putting work into some of the chapters (of which there will be 13 and I have thought of 8 so I am doing pretty good) and I even have some sections finished of some chapters. So what I give you now is the official first part of Chapter Two. Chapter One is the introduction for the most part….which I haven’t finished. NOT a good sign. Either way, I figure this is at LEAST a year long process. So here is the first two pages of the second chapter. Enjoy yo’self….

Chapter One: Who Needs Love When You Have Porn?

So I guess it is time to get started with this thing people will call a “book.” What better way to get started than focusing on the one thing that gives me joy yet vexes me so: porn. Now as we all know, porn is one of the few things I can look forward to in this great depression I call a life. I mean, I believe in mingling with the opposite sex just as much as the next male but at the end of the day sometimes we have to face it: sometimes it is more logical to watch a little bit of porn than to deal with the utter and complete idiocy that is a woman. As much as women bitch and moan about how men aint worth shit (I focus on that later. Be patient) you figure they would do the same. I am kind of talking about vibrators because women seem to think those are the end all be all of replacement for men because they don’t have the ingenuity to create Persacons (God bless the Japanese for sexual perversion!) or….anything for that matter. Still waiting for a female inventor. Blacks have you beat and that is SAD because the last thing a nigga invented was spinning rims and that STILL trumps all the innovations of women because at least spinnin rims were ballin. Anyway, I want to clear up some things about my usage of porn.

Porn Saves More Than Jesus Because He Can’t Masturbate

Okay, let me clarify one thing here: I don’t watch porn as a replacement for women. I believe that has become a myth/misconception of women over the last 10 years as they believe that everything is about them individually rather than as a whole. You even noticed that when a man is found to have porn by a girlfriend or wife they always ask:

“IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO LOOK LIKE?!”

Now some men will say yes and those are the men that have the problem in my opinion. Again, MY FUCKING OPINION. What women don’t realize is that most normal men don’t watch porn as a replacement for women. Now I will admit that some do. In a way, I can sympathize with them. They don’t want to take the time out to treat women in a kind and compassionate way because at the end of the day that shit doesn’t work. They also don’t want to treat women like shit because they were taught better than that and know that in the long run that isn’t a good way to treat someone. With that said I will admit that there are some men that use porn as an escape from actually going out and meeting real women which I think is a problem. And it is a problem I place solely on the shoulders of Jesus Christ.

Why? Well, because the majority of people out there believe in the King of the Jews and because of his misinterpreted and rather cheeba induced words people out there are scared to have ”teh sex” before they are married lest they go to Detroit….err…hell. When it all breaks down, if you believe in the Bible and the word-ah of Jesus-ah and Gawd-ah then you must wait until you get married in the eyes of the Lord-ah before you do the dirty deed-ah. Which creates people out there that are not having sex and looking to something to fill the void. Now some just fuck little boys but they are Catholics and they aren’t people as much as they are just evil, boy fucking pussies in big gay hats. Others look to a little something called porn. Now much like there are women that take advantage of men and give the rest of you a bad name there are men that watch porn and use that as their reference on how relationships with women should be. They give those of us porn watchers that can actually integrate with society a bad name. That name is pervert. Now I can accept being called a pervert for my Japanese schoolgirl fetish but I will NOT be vilified for my love of Jasmine Byrne and Nautica Thorn. That is prejudiced and wrong. WRONG!

What is even worse is being lumped in with the people that cross the line of what-that-fuck-ism. Now gay porn isn’t for me but if it is your thing then that is cool. But I have a message for you bestiality fans and furries out there. You sick fuckers are ruining porn for us normal, gang-bang supporting bukakke fans and making us look like you. I may like to see a little ATM every now and then but dammit I will not stand for you donkey-fucking, panda suit wearing freaks to make me look bad. You are disrespecting the fans and you are disrespecting the actresses of legitimate porn. Now you can disrespect me all you want but when you make it so that the artistry of Tia Tanaka and Rachel Starr is looked down upon I WILL NOT STAND BY! You sick little monkeys.

Not much but it is a start, IMHO. Be back later.

Chachi Out

And On The 7th Day....He Created THE FUNK. GET DOWN!

What is up peeps?! I am back to wrap up a rather eventful weekend and a rather lazy post yesterday. So away we go!

So on Friday, Zach and I went to see “Kung Fu Panda” and I have to say, it wasn’t bad. It was a hell of a lot better than the Indiana Jones movie but that aint saying much. God….that movie was ASS! It was also a lot better than Speed Race (A lot shorter, too) which puts it well below Iron Man for this summer but makes it the second best movie I have seen so far. I mean, until The Incredible Hulk on Friday. I am officially sold on this version of the movie:

Around March after only seeing teasers and reading about it I was under the inclination that this movie was going to be a gross disappointment. Instead this is looking like a thrilling action like the first one SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Like the Bourne Trilogy meets Transformers minus shaky cameras and Michael Bay being….Michael Bay. Anyone down to ride on Friday HOOK IT UP! HULK SMASH ON FRIDAY! HULK DRINK ON SATURDAY!

So to recap the Mindless Self-Indulgence concert on Saturday….

LOUD AS FUCKING HELL

I have always been a closet fan of industrial rock and my experience to MSI has been Zach, Anime music videos and video games. However, I thought it warranted a go since Zach decided to pull a me and buy tickets for a woman that said she wanted to go somewhere which ALWAYS results in her calling (Or in my case NOT CALLING. Bitch) and saying she can’t make it. It’s why I don’t buy bitches shit. I just pay the restaurant directly. So to keep it right on the homeboy side I decided to roll with him because as we all know, it’s homies over hoes:

Add in Joey for some Mormon salt (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m fun-nay!) and we had another Denver-time party. First off, I had never SEEN Mindless Self-Indulgence; just heard their music. I liked what I heard:

At the same time, I have always had a love/hate dynamic with live music of some genres. Hearing the live shows of The Roots and John Legend spoils listening to the album because the experience drops off some when you are not in that love environment. It is the exact opposite for industrial rock for me. I went to Dir En Grey in Denver when they were there with The Deftones (and I believe Staind but I am not sure. It was forever ago) and hearing them live was not as polished as the album because thrash metal (Which is what they could be considered being) sometimes is just loud clicks and beeps live. While I enjoyed MSI live, it was way too loud and I have never been a big fan of the acoustics of the Ogden Theater for really loud rock music. The close atmosphere was GREAT but the actual acoustics of the music left a lot to be desired. That is a picky point but when you can’t hear shit you kind of point that out. It is a thing you do before you go deaf, I guess. Overall, it was bad ass. Although if you ask me I will just pull a Lil Jon. WHAT? HUH? YEAH!

Okay, there is a question that I have to ask here. Now Zach and Joe both stated that I created a fact with this statement but I want to understand if I am right or not about this one. I have begin to notice that attractive women, and I use that term in description of the generic form of what men see as attractive, dress sexfully for attention. Without that attention they become weak about themselves and their perceived beauty. That is how they end up with a douchebag that is MORE THAN HAPPY to tell them how beautiful they are and they figure that “he thinks I am pretty and is validating me so he must be nice” or something along those lines not knowing that he is thinking “two more drinks and it is straight to the backdoor.” Now let me explain my theory.

Kanye West said it best: The ones highest up have the lowest self-esteem. Now I have explained the difference to most women about self-esteem and ego many times and they don’t get it. I explain it to most men and they don’t get it. So let me break this down for the mouth breathers:

Self-esteem: Your happiness with how you perceive yourself regardless of the attitudes or opinions of others about you or your actions.

Ego: How you think others should see you regardless of their opinions or attitudes about you or your actions.

You see, most pretty people have huge egos. They think the world sees them as the greatest thing since Japanese schoolgirl outfits and refuse to believe anything else. Those are the people that are usually bitchy or total douchebags. You know what? They usually have low self-esteem. People who think other people think highly of them usually think of themselves in either a negative aspect or at least less than what they think others think about them. Now I am not basing this off of science or theory I am basing this off of experience and the people I have met. Now all people are different but as tramp-stamps and Jagerbombs have proven….no they fucking aren’t.

So let’s bring this full circle. Now this is varying on generation, home situation and of course whatever shitty religion they are (If you aint a kitten handler, you aint SHIT) but a good amount of women have HUGE egos, more so than men. Women can say what they want to about men but with more women on the planet the numbers are skewed toward me being correct on this. They are taught from either a young age or as they grow up that they are well past the being “equal” aspect of the sexes. They are taught that the world revolves around them and that your feminine wiles can acquire you whatever you want whether it is directly from a person or indirectly from society. Those with high self-esteem and checked egos know that is only true when getting items from weak subjects and isn’t a smart or healthy way to go through life. However, there are some women that live that to the limit of common sense. The funny thing is that they are usually so lacking in self-esteem that when their ego is checked by those that aren’t affected by them their insecurity and lack of self-esteem kick in. THAT is when you seem them get upset about being told no or being spurned. Now someone with self- esteem would chalk a “no” up as a loss and charge it to the game. Someone with NO SELF-ESTEEM with continue the assault because their EGO won’t accept a no because “You are GOING TO WANT ME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME NO!” Now I have mentioned this before but not in this much detail about the subject. I mention this again because it seems to be a running theme out there. That and I am proven right once again. If being right was a college football team, I would be the LSU Tigers: I’m in the toughest league and I STILL rule you. Heh, not really. I have just been really annoyed by some things that have happened to some people I know (Including me) due to the insecurities of females.

Well, enough of that. I don’t like talking about that kind of stuff because it usually ends up being a fruitless musing on deaf ears but hey, I needed to get that out. So with that being said, it is time to biz-ounce. I am working on a blog for Monday and I should have it up by tomorrow night. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Rocking The Projects!

Okay, I apologize about this one. Started a blog and didn’t finish it because I went to see Mindless Self-Indulgence with Zach and Joey at the last minute. Well worth the trip, albeit industrial rock live kind of loses its luster without stereo production to cover the feedback and hoarse voices. Never the less, I like what I heard and got what I expected even with the limited exposure to them…of two or three songs. Great times had by all.

I will try to be back up tomorrow (Sunday) with a rant, maybe an Omnibus. Not going to do much as I am EXAUSTED from this last week. Thinking about Denver AGAIN next Saturday so once again if you want to roll, shoot me a ROBBLE ROBBLE!

Got a new camera because my old one was missing a charger and scratched all to hell after Anime Wasabi. I will try to put it to good use and get some stuff up. Been slacking and whatnot. Anyway, I will be back tomorrow. Have a good streak of posts up and want to keep it going (Although this is kind of a cop out) so see you then. Until I return, hit up some HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR:

Covering TM Revolution? Be still my beating heart!

Chachi Out

Once Again, I Am Working For The Weekend...

What is up people?! It is another Friday and you know what that means. PARTY TIME! Oh, and it is also time for the Friday staple….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a premiere from a artist already on the Countdown!

20. Usher – Moving Mountains (New Entry)
Usher is back! Looks like it may be the year of the Ush because he is already back with a new video. Oddly enough, it works as a sequel to “Love In This Club” and I really feel this song. It’s like Burn 2008! Man, we need more Boondocks!
19. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #16)
Looks like The Roots are on their way off the Countdown for the second time this year. I am really pissed I missed them and Erykah Badu this week. I really was looking forward to it but thems the breaks.
18. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #20)
BACK-ON moves up a modest two spots this week in their first foray onto the Countdown. Is there any word on when I will be blessed with a full album from these guys? “Chain” was a damn LIFETIME AGO!
17. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #15, Seven Weeks at #1)
The ladies of Bennie K are STILL HOLDING ON! Yuki and Cico are able to stake claim as the Queens of the Countdown with two number ones including this one that is tied for the longest ever. If they give me something new this year it could mean an Artist of the Year Chachi!
16. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #18)
UVERworld has TWO new videos out! I like this song a lot more than the other one so this one moves up this week. Could I see two UVERworld albums in one year? My god…I think I just had a baby.
15. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #13)
YUI HAS A NEW SINGLE!!! “Summer Song” is awesome, I mean “CHE.R.RY” awesome people! Too bad her latest falls another two spots. Shouldn’t matter, she should have a new one for her fans soon!
14. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)

Speaking of new music….FOXXI MISQ IS BACK! They have a new single coming in July (Oddly enough, the same day as Kelun’s “CHU-BURA” in which I will have the greatest orgasm EVER) and their latest is still on! Here is hoping it is a ballad, I really like Dem’s voice. Yes, her voice!
13. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #17)
You know, aside from T.I., Kanye West and Lupe Fiasco the Game may be the most successful artist on the Countdown on the hip hop side of things. Wait….Young Jeezy has been to the top twice. HOW IN THE FUCK DID HE MANAGE TO SLIP PAST ME?!
12. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #9)
Looks like Lupe’s run is over as he falls out of the Top 10 this week. Reportedly he is working on a new album so this may be the last we see of him for a while. Unless he, Kanye and Pharrell get off the pot on the whole CRS thing.
11. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #12)
Aqua Timez moves up a modest spot this week as the wait outside the Top 10. This will gie them two after a pretty lengthy career. We are into the top half!
10. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #7)
We begin with Hyde and Company falling three big spots this week. They stay in the Top 10 and have built a very impressive streak with three straight Top 10 videos. I hope they have something new soon as this was a good return to some of their older work.
9. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #8)

Colbie falls a spot this week as it looks like she has lost her momentum. I may give a listen to her album and see if there are other songs as good as this. If not…how about she won’t be on here again?
8. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #14, Biggest Mover)
Chris Brown is on the move this week! He moves the most spots of any one in a long time as he jumps 6 places and lands in the Top 10. This is quite the comeback from the suckitude that was “Wall To Wall.” I was ready to ban him forever but hey…that wasn’t a pun.
7. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #10)

Paramore moves up another three spots this week as we see if they can become the new rock kings (err…queen and kings) of the Countdown! They are three for the in the Top 10 and “Misery Business” peaked at number two so they have the pedigree. Does this video have the legs?
6. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #5, Three Weeks at #1)
With another video premiring I am sure Usher doesn’t mind his latest video falling from the Top Five. Especially after holding the top spot for almost a month to boot. Could Usher have the best 2008? He will have to top the next artist…
5. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #6)
….Who is looking for number three! Alicia Keys is looking to be the female with the most number one videos as she is currently tied at two with Yui and NaNa. Can she take the top spot yet again? She has quite the battle ahead!
4. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Kanye and Chris fall two spots this week as they fall farther away from that number one spot. I do have to say something right now. I am actually kind of liking the “Viva La Vida” song of Coldplay’s. Damn it! I swore I would never do it but…man it is catchy. Anyway, we are down to three!!
3. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #4)

Kelun keeps on moving up…all the way to the Top Three! Even with the announcement of “CHU-BURA” and the video coming any day now (Hopefully) it is remarkable that this video is still making its move. What can I say; I really like this song.
2. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #3)

The sexy ladies of YA-KYIM move up a spot this week to the runner up position! I just got this single all I have to say is I am feeling their remake of Trey Songz “I Can’t Help But Wait”. Totally awesome work. But with these ladies at number two, it means we have a reigning champ at number one!
1. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

Kobuta and Misia hold it down yet again! The J-R&B king and queen hold it down for yet another week! Misia’s new video is okay but I am REALLY looking forward to a new album from Toshinobu Kobuta. Hopefully it will have “MAGIC” on it. Until that day, he holds the top spot

That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Kobuta and Misia can make it three weeks on top! Or will YA-KYIM take their place on a sexily crowded throne? Or will Kelun continue his upward move and take the crown on their first time out? Tune in seven days from now to find out!

So I am going to see “Kung Fu Panda” tonight (Probably) and MAY go to Denver on Saturday again just because I need to get out after a week of work. WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND! Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Now The Fun Part Begins....

What is up, people?! I am back…once again. I have to tell you that this week has been rather interesting. Now that Barack Obama has won the nomination for the Democratic Party and Hillary Clinton is going to FINALLY concede and place her support to Obama it is time for me to do something. Hillary supporters….and this is hard for me to do here….

THANK YOU

Yes, I am thanking the Hillary supporters. First off for giving me spirited debate fodder because you are all kind of nuts. Seriously, when someone didn’t want to vote for Hillary is was because “SHE’S A WOMAN! YOU ARE SEXIST!” but no one ever gave a reason why NOT to vote for Barack Obama. Every Clinton supporter I have spoken to (Oddly enough all female) said that I wasn’t voting for her because she was a woman which is not true. Prior to January, I WAS a Hillary supporter. After the first set of debates and seeing her crush the other candidates including John Edwards (The second hottest man in politics behind Harold Ford Jr. Look at this man:

Now a Barack Obama/Harold Ford Jr. ticket? That is the hottest ticket in town, baby!) I was definitely on her side. That was until she and Barack Obama would face off (Albeit admittedly briefly). I don’t think that she was prepared for how he spoke, his explanation of the issues and most importantly how much people were hungry for change. I mean nothing has really changed from Bill to her while Obama was a new face with (Kind of) new ideas and a new voice that wasn’t the same look of the party. Now Hillary is a female and that in itself is a change from the status quo but I believe that POLITICALLY she should have distanced herself a little more from Bill to get the “change” aspect over. For young people just being a woman isn’t “change” just as much as being “Black” isn’t a change. It’s in your words and her words were the exact same as the party had been pushing for years and Bill had been pushing in his two terms. Not BAD, just the status quo. Oh, that and her campaign team DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE DAMN RULES OF THE PARTY and mis-managed her funds. My god it was like Gary Coleman’s parents. If you don’t know what I am talking about look it up on the internets or ask me offline. We can have a nice chat over sushi and sake. Mainly sake….I NEEDS IT!

Long story short I guarantee about (These aren’t exact numbers, this is just my opinion) 70-75% of the people that voted for Barack Obama this primary season were Clinton supporters early on. As the process went on and we got to know him (Which is why people that say “We don’t know anything about Obama! We can’t vote for him! He’s an Arab!” upset me a tad. We know about Hillary…she will say what she needs to get the victory which is what I DON’T want as a President) he was able to sway some voters. Hillary had a large ingrained camp of older females that were voting for her no matter what. Obama didn’t even have niggas on his side! Remember Fiddy’s ignorant (But telling) comments?

Yet, here we are. The popular vote will always be a debated topic with the archaic way the Democratic Party votes (Caucus? What the fuck are we, cavemen?!) but in the end the math is the math and you don’t win a football game by getting the most yards. It’s about clock management and scoring more points which is what Obama did. Now get ready because this is going to be an extraordinary five months. This will also be the last I talk about it for a while as I will begin to focus on my original reason for doing this blog: pissing off the fucktards. Ladies and gentlemen…

THE CHACHI IS BACK!

I Told You! McCain Madness vs. The Barack in 2008!

What is up, people! I am back for another update and man I think it has been about two weeks of consecutive updates. I am feeling this shit, I must tell you. I have many workings in my mind and I need to get them out and this is the easiest way. That and punching of puppies but aint enough puppies in this country for that. So, let’s get this bad boy started. It is time for a….

CHACHI ACTION NEWS UPDATE!!

In case you haven’t heard, Barack Obama is the Democratic Nominee for the President of the United States of America. You heard that right. A (half-)Black man is a nominee from a national party for the President of the United States. Say what you will about him or his race or even his politics. This is a momentous occasion and probably the biggest moment for America since the Miracle on Ice. Now I say the same for Hillary Clinton’s campaign despite the fact I really am not a fan of her politics and her actions in the closing months of the campaign. For a woman to get this far in the electoral process as a Presidential nominee makes Shirley Chisholm proud (If you don’t know who she is, look her the fuck up. She embodies the word “trailblazer” mainly because the White people tried to set her on fire wherever she went) and really galvanizes what she attempted to do for not only women but the Black people of America as well. It isn’t just about the politics it is about the change of the status quo. Just a different look brings people out in mass.

A lot of you are shocked by Hillary’s loss and all I can say is this: it is called a process for a reason. You don’t win a game by racking up the most yards. You win by scoring the most points. Whether you win by 20 or by 2, you are still champion. That is not an insult as much as it is a statement to help her supporters realize that voting out of spite isn’t why women fought for the right to vote as much as Blacks did. There were many times there was a Black candidate (Okay…four or five) to vote for and because that candidate didn’t get the nomination didn’t mean they didn’t vote for the person that closest fit their politics. You vote for the representative because this is a REPRESNETATIVE. You vote for the politics as well as the person, which is why (Until she and Bill went batshit crazy) I was more than willing to vote for Hillary…kind of. If you are against McCain’s politics why would you vote for him out of spite against Obama? Eh, thems the breaks. All I know is that this race has been historic and tonight was a night that win or lose will be a milestone for America. If you don’t think so then not much I can say to change that. Congratulations, Barack Obama. You officially have my vote…for now.

Before I check out, I want people to understand something. Always Remember: A Chrysler 300….Is NOT A BENTLEY.

Now I heard Katt Williams talk about this a few years ago and it totally rings true. You see, this is a Bentley:

A very nice, high-class vehicle. Now THIS is a Chrysler 300:

Not a bad car in its own right. But understand this: IT IS NOT A BENTLEY. Stop modifying the frame, stop taking off the emblem and for the love of everything STOP WITH THE BUTTERFLY DOORS:

It just looks tacky. Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new.

Chachi Out

Well...Maybe A Change IS Gon Come.

You know…I was thinking about something today. Say what you will about the whole Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thing but man, I really feel like there isn’t anything available right now that encompasses the movement right now. Black people are going out and voting not because (I HOPE, ANYWAY) a Black candidate is there but a Black candidate is speaking to the problems of the nation, unlike Jesse Jackson in his attempts for the Democratic nomination. Or to a lesser extent, Alan Keyes for the Republican nomination. Nigga, please. You weren’t going to win that shit. Republicans would sooner vote in an Asian woman than a Black man; it goes against everything they believe in. Which is darkies knowing their place…it’s called The White House for a reason. BURN….the crosses. See, racism can be HILARIOUS!

Anyway, I am kind of saddened that even with a great moment and what I believe win (Or even sadly and odds are eventually lose) that Obama has opened eyes and created a shift in the way the people of the United States not only see Blacks, but see each other. I honestly believe that there is a good majority of the American people that are realizing that race and gender…of anyone that ISNT HILLARY CLINTON anyway, aren’t what determines a great leader. It is whether they can to the job and create the change to begin to repair the problems of the country. It is about whether they can bring everyone as a nation together against common problems rather than dividing and creating a climate of fear and hate to keep us “together” as a nation. It sucks that Barack Obama wasn’t around in the 60’s because he would have a better landscape to work with as complacency and total apathy have all but destroyed the democratic process. However, I believe that someone needs to create the music for this generation. Someone needs to be the next poet and makes that one song that makes everybody stand up. That one song that makes everyone look around and see the outsourcing, the unemployment, the rising energy costs, the homelessness, the senseless hate and violence and say we need someone to help change this. We don’t need someone to continue taking the train down the same track, we need someone to help people realize that things are not right but can get better. Since people don’t read the newspaper and god forbid won’t watch news on the internet unless it is bookended with a video about a dancing cat….we need someone to do it with music. Music is the one thing that can make people pay attention because we know that MTV won’t do anything because it cuts into their prime-time schedule of reality shows. We need a new anthem. Or….maybe it would be best if we just use an old one that stands the test of time. Marvin….tell us what’s going on:

And for the people who haven’t heard this song…you really need to get on this. Memorize and realize:

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby

God damn it. The closest we have to something like this today is….hell, nothing. Musicians now should be locked in a room and forced to listen to this for seven straight days until they learn what music is. The fact that Marvin Gaye never had a number one album and the fact he has the same amount of Grammy’s as Fergie (Shocked me, too) shows that people today don’t DESERVE the right to vote. *Sigh* I hope people realize what’s going on out there.

Chachi Out.

....And That's Why I Steal. It Makes Me Sad.

Boredom has consumed me but I don’t want to be up until the asscrack of dawn so it is time to get off the pot. It is time for…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: The Youth Of America Need CROSSFIRE! YEAH!

You know, I was driving home today and I had to call Griff and ask a simple question:

Why don’t I ever see kids fly kites anymore?

I remember the carefree halcyon days of my elementary school youth with bike riding, kite flying and kickball playing. I remember making a friend solely due to the reason of both having the same kind of shoes or liking the same toy. Man, those days are gone. Now I don’t mean for me because as an adult I have entered the world of bills, crazy women and unneeded identity crises. With all the crap out there to rot the minds of kids from MTV to more MTV it is a shame that the things that made the youth of my generation great are lost on the last two. We have gone from Public Enemy and Boogie Down Productions to G-Unit and DJ Khaled (That motherfucker needs to shut the fuck up. Seriously, you aint Black so quit saying nigga. Just because you get a pass from dumb ass, gold teeth having, poor English speaking fucktards doesn’t mean you can use that word you braindead, fat fuck. DIE!). We have gone from Sesame Street and Square One (BIG UPS TO SQUARE ONE!!) to…um….The Wiggles? Seriously, even the toys suck ass. Remember games back in the day:

They were hungry and they were hippos. THE GAME WAS SELF EXPLANATORY! When I was younger there was no concern about video game violence or TV being a bad influence because…I really don’t know. I am not going to say parents were better or we were smarter because there are several kids I know that are not fuckwits. Hell, some of them are better adjusted than I was at that age. I didn’t get as nuts as I am now until I started dating. Maybe I was better off when I thought women had cooties.

Random Thought #2: Stamp Of Disapproval.

Okay, I have had JUST about enough of the tattoos in general. Now don’t get it twisted: I am not a FAN of tattoos but it isn’t like being a Turk so I am not going to stop being your friend if you have one. Nor do I think you are less of a person if you already got it before I met you. However with that being said, I do not want to be asked “Doesn’t this tattoo look hot?” because it really doesn’t. I don’t like them and I don’t think they are necessary in this day and age, especially if you are getting them to be “an individual” because odds are, someone has what the fuck you have. Again, it is fine by me if you are asking and if you are not then fuck it. However, I am having a real issue with women STILL getting the tattoo on the small of the back. I mean just like barbed wire and tribal, the shit is played out.

My question is why still get one? I mean women THEMSELVES call them a “tramp stamp” and yet I see them at younger and younger ages meaning the next generation is getting a lot stupider. Now the reason I end up seeing these tattoos is not that I look for them, it is because about 80% of females aged 21-30 have them. Not only that, they are always showing them off or literally showing them to you with the prefaced phase “This isn’t like anyone elses, I drew the art myself!” Well, seeing as how there are no women inventors I am somewhat ashamed if that statement is true because that means that the only thing of consequence that women have created in the last 100 years is skanky body art. Well, not like Black people have done much better since George Washington Carver. Although we did invent the Harlem Shake:

Much better than the last dance WOMEN invented….which was the….um….Electric Slide?:

Man, now this is going to bug me. Can someone tell me the last GOOD dance the ladies invented? I mean a man invented the Cupid Shuffle. Grandma can do it with her cane. Back to my original point. If you have a tattoo on the small of your back and you are under the age of 30 then you are a fucking dumb ass. Just like dudes with barb wire tattoos and of COURSE a crucifix. Because I am sure when Jesus got nailed up he wanted your dumb ass to get the SYMBOL OF HIS FUCKING DEATH FORGED INTO YOUR CHEST OR ASS. Maybe you should stab yourself in the hands and feet; that would be more of a homage. Too far? Fuck you, fucky.

Random Thought #3: Does VH1 Play Videos Anymore?

I mean seriously. Is ANYTHING on that network not a reality show? I mean MTV went downhill 10 years ago (Well…15 years ago. They act like music died with Kurt Cobain when all that died was the band and as far as I am concerned Alice In Chains was a better band and Dave Grohl was the most talented member of Nirvana. Yeah, I FUCKING WENT THERE) but I never really watched VH1 until BET decided that niggas love reality TV, too. Well, Paramount decided that but you know thems the rules I guess. Now between Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels I don’t even think they should be considered a music channel. It is like E! with worse shows. I mean who HONESTLY wants to fucking touch Flavor Flav? The nigga looks like a Treasure Troll cooked in an E-Z Bake Oven. Refried ugly, he is. Man, if it wasn’t for Scrubs and Fresh Prince in syndication I would have to kill somebody.

Well, I am about to watch the season premiere of Venture Brothers again. I will try to be back up tomorrow with a rant but I have been hella tired the last four days or so. Don’t worry, I will be back on the game soon. Until next time, stay up.

Chachi Out.

Throw It Up Like Liquor On An Empty Stomach!

What is up, peeps! I am back for a short (Maybe, depends on if I get on a roll) blog update and all I have to say is that this weekend was WAAAAAAAAY too short. It was hella fun though, as Denver on Saturday was fun as hell. Albeit SOMEONE that will remain nameless had to throw up on the floor at the Wynkoop which took away from it some but aside from that, I am thinking about doing it all again next Saturday. If you are down to ride, let me get a ROBBLE ROBBLE!

With that being said it is time for another installment of…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Man…this weekend was filled with them.

Random Thought #1: It Doesn’t Pay To Not Want The Herp.

So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:

• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat

Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?

Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.

What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.

Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere

You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:

1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:

A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…

Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs. Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.

Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being other because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:

"I am not for the war."

This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.

When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:

I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me. It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.

VENTURE BROTHERS SEASON THREE PREMIRE TONIGHT!!! WATCH IT!!!

Chachi Out.

George Lucas Must Die. I Am Not Joking.

Everytime someone sees "Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull" a kitten gets raped. Violently...by a grizzly bear. It is true.

Fuck George Lucas. Fuck him in his stupid head. Or maybe it was Spielberg's fault. He did do "A.I." so he is known to suck a donkey dick or two. Way to piss on one of the greatest action heroes of all time, Steve. Since when could monkeys intelligently distinguish good from evil? Most importantly...

ALIENS? MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS?! WHAT IN THE GOD DAMN HELL MAN?!

Where in the hell did the budget go? I saw better CGI in the commercials for "Sex In The City" that made Kim Cattrall look under the age of 90 and Sarah Jessica Parker look like a FUCKING HUMAN. This movie was just plain average bordering on bad. there was no middle ground and that was the bad part. Let me tell you some of the suck in this movie:

• Aliens (I am so cereal right now! I expected a fucking Wookie to run out)
• Killer ants (Whether real or not...once again how could they distinguish good from evil?)
• Ancient Mayans....waiting for centuries in one spot on a wall to attack Indy and his greaser son (Yes, Shia is his FUCKING KID. Shut the fuck up about the spoiler, I saved you $8.50. Suck my balls)
• ALIENS?!
• Russians (I mean come on. They couldn't have used Peruvians? They were fucking there already. Or hell, the swarthy ass Turks?! If anyone needs an ass kicking its those worthless fuckers)
• Really bad action sequences (Gone are the edge of your seat thrills. In are stolen fights from Pirates of the Carribean, Aliens vs. Predator and of course Rocky IV. Except there was a Black person in that movie. Racist bastard fuck George Lucas is)
• WORST ENDING EVER (Wasnt that in Close Encounters of the Third Kind? And Contact? And Mars Attacks?! MOTHER FUCKER!)
• Surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator (I...I....this was fucking dumb on so many levels that I cant even choose one right now)
• The Ark (Motherfucker. MOTHERFUCKER! YOU PISS ON MY CHILDHOOD! IN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES)
• Crystal isnt magnetic! (Was this shit ever explained? Plot hole big enough to fit George Lucas's ass through. With enough space for Peter Jackson and Uwe Boll)
• Shia LeBeouf (I just...I just dont like him. I dont know why, but I think I liked him better on Even Stevens. Now THAT was good watching)
• MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
• The music is the SAME FUCKING SONG! (I love the Indiana Jones theme as much as the next guy. But it was the background music for EVERY-FUCKING-THING! Sad, happy, angry, vexed, confused, hungry. All emotions were contained in that one song. They did it on Power Rangers but Indiana Jones IS NOT THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS!)

Overall, there was nothing about this movie I can sit back and say I liked. There was a lot of shit that made me want to kill a puppy and a lot of "meh" action in it. The good parts (the ending sequence until we saw it was the fucking Millenium Falcon, the motorcycle chase scene in the school because nothing is better than freaking out the white folk) weren't even GOOD as much as they were departures from the pain that was the rest of the fucking movie. It was like being gang raped at a frat party but they give you a glass of eggnog because it's Christmas time. Eggnog is good, but it can't take away from the fact that you are being violated in all viable holes by drunken Jack Johnson fans. And I loves me some eggnog; as Joey would say it's liquid glory.

In the end I, I feel like this movie started off with a subtle premise of a mysterious skull with uber-cool powers. And then, Spielberg and Lucas jizzed all over that bitch with shitty action sequences, POOR DIALOGUE and a plot that bashed you in the head and had less suspense than a Belladonna porn: at some point, you know it's going in her ass. We all knew the aliens were coming and when it did, it was all over our faces. Why is George Lucas allowed to make movies? Isn't all ever he did by himself the Star Wars saga? He was only hitting at a 50% success rate there any-fucking-way! UWE BOLL HAS MADE MORE MOVIES THAN GEORGE LUCAS! The difference is that Uwe Boll isn't a cultural icon. I never thought I would say this but...Uwe Boll may be better than George Lucas. Okay, I won't go that far but I can honestly say after seeing the latest Indiana Jones movie that.....

....George Lucas bukakked on a fucking legend.

I hate you and hope you die via Ewok rape.

The Ewoks FUCKING SUCKED, too. If you liked them, you are worthy of death. Yeah, I said it.

I am SO OUT of this bitch. May be back on Sunday.

Chachi Out.

SLUMBER PARTAY!!!!

What is up, peeps?! It is Friday and it is pay day so it means two things: sake and sushi! Oh, and of course the big thing:

Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a debut from a band that is a LONG TIME COMING!

20. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (New Entry)

BACK-ON is well….back! It has been a while since I have heard from these guys, I believe since “Flower” although I think they had a single after that one. I was hooked after I heard “Chain” on Air Gear and they are one of my favorite J-Rock bands. Could we see some UVERworld-type dominance? We will have to see!
19. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #16)
So Yui looks to be down one after another huge year so far. This video failed to take the top spot but it feels like it has been on here forever….because it has.
18. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (New Entry)

UVERWORLD IS BACK ON THE SCENE! The guys have their record shattering SEVENTH VIDEO entering the Countdown! I am really feeling this song and while the video isn’t as good as “Roots” was, I like this song a lot better. Welcome back, guys!
17. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #19)
So I am looking forward to Game’s new album. Shocking because aside from The Roots I figured hip hop was going to have a down year in 2008 after making a blazing comeback in 2007. Even still, I dig this video although he needs to PULL HIS DAMN PANTS UP! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
16. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #14)
Speaking of The Roots, they are going to be in Denver with Erykah Badu on June 2nd! I am so wanting to go but it is a fucking weekday….SHIT!
15. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #13, Seven Weeks at #1)
Yuki and Cico are STILL hanging on for my love and affection! They have been holding on to the Countdown for dear life, falling only two spots this week. I hope they pull it together and give me something new before summer hits full swing. YA-KYIM is taking over your spot!
14. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #17)
Chris Brown moves up three big spots this week as he attempts to make-up for the shitfest that was “Wall To Wall.” My god, that video SUCKED. The song was okay but way to rip off Blade. And not in a good way.
13. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #11)
We gots more Yui for…you…eee! Yeah, bad joke.
12. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #15)

Aqua Timez is slowly moving up the Countdown as they try to top the success of “ALONES” to which I say good lucky, buddy. That song is so kickass I can’t think straight.
11. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #9, One Week at #1)
Foxxi MisQ stops the bleeding right outside of the Top 10 this week. The ladies finally got that ever elusive number one video but I am sure they hoped to stay there longer. Either way, they’s hot.
10. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #12)

Looks like Paramore is in the top half once again! Hayley and company look to move up a little higher this time, maybe even do what Evanescence failed to do: take the number one spot. Can they rock it out?
9. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #8)
Lupe Fiasco falls a spot this week with his latest video. “Tokyo Paris” is really growing on me so we may see that video on here soon.
8. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #10)
So….I still like this video. Yeah, I know it is a shock but sometimes I feel like I needs love. Then I realize that I forever heartbroken and that will never happen. Le sigh…
7. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #4)
The Arc falls another three spots this week as they continue a big 2008. Speaking of J-Rock….X-JAPAN IN NYC! X-JAPAN IN NYC! MY GOD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I will so be there if I get tickets!
6. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #7)

We close in on the Top 5 and who do we see but Alicia Keys. She had a big end of 2007 and 2008 has been just has good for her as she looks to take the throne for a third time. Can she stake her claim as Queen of the Countdown over Yui? She has had a rough slump so she may just do it!
5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
Usher falls another two spots this week ending his chance for pulling a UGK and taking back the number one spot. His new video “Moving Mountains” is pretty damn good so he may have a chance to go two-for-two from his latest album. You never know…
4. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #5)
We move closer to the top and we have the first of two rookies looking at making a big name for themselves on the Countdown. Kelun will officially release “CHU-BURA” as a single on July 2nd which means a video should be here in early June. That sound you heard was me and yes I need to change my pants. Until then, this video is just short of the Top Three. Speaking of that…
3. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #6)

We are down to three videos and we begin with the sexy ladies of YA-KYIM! Can they be the third girl group to take the top spot? It is pretty much Bennie K and then Foxxi MisQ but they are moving fast and furious to the top. We are down to two videos and they are the same as last week. Are they in the same order?
2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)

No they are not! Kanye West fails for the second time to hold on to the top spot for more than a week! Although he held the top for a full four weeks with CRS with “Us Placers” earlier this year, both this video and “Stronger” in 2007 only held the top spot for a sole week. Maybe next time. Well, that means we have a new number one video once again!
1. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)

The legend has finally done it! Toshinobu Kobuta is the first male J-Pop artist to make it to the top spot on the Countdown! It has been a long run to the top and it has been well worth it. I love this video and I loves me some Misia. It is about time!

That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week and see if T.K. and Misia can hold on for a second straight week! Or can Kanye and Chris Martin come back home to the top? Or will YA-KYIM make a super leap to the number one spot? Find out next week!

Well, it is PARTY TIME TONIGHT as I just got paid and somebody is having teh sex tonight! Just…..not me. Damn, I can be a downer. AND WATCH THE SEASON PREMIRE OF VENTURE BROTHERS ON SUNDAY NIGHT! Until then, stay up people. I will try to be back Saturday and Sunday.

Chachi Out

The Only "Bust Is Baby's" Should Be In Bukakke!

So can anyone tell me what a "bust it baby? is? And why in the FUCK Plies chupacabra-looking ass not hunted down and killed like the predalope he is:

Wow....I never thought Ne-Yo could look any more gay but I was wrong. THIS is why I hate niggas and bitches. You fuckers don't vote, don't read and don't think but will consider this up there with Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message" or Rakim's "Microphone Fiend" in terms of hip hop classics. It is why hip hop is dead and bad rappers are like BeBe’s kids: they don’t die, they multiply. Wait a minute....

GOD, WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO PUT RICK ROSS AND NELLY ON THE SAME SONG AT THE SAME TIME?!

Let me get this straight….you put arguably the shittiest rapper I ever heard on a shitty song with the shittiest rapper I heard in 2007 NOT named 50 Cent? Yeah, makes perfect sense. I don’t give a fuck how “hard he comes” or where the fuck his is from, RICK ROSS FUCKING SUCKS. “Hustlin” was all about the beat, this non-rapping ass motherfucker totally shit on that song like it was German porn. Not even the GOOD KIND of German porn, either. Adding him with Nelly is like adding donkey sperm to a shit sandwich: taking the worst thing you can think of….and putting donkey sperm on it.

All I want to do is see a good music video. One without jewelry, cars, a house you don’t own and booty butt cheeks. I never thought I would say this….but I miss MC Hammer videos:

Now THAT’S how you bust it, Plies! With funky fresh dance moves!

Chachi Out

I Really Love You. So Much...I Am Going To Pee On You.

What is up, peeps! I am happy as fuck! You know why? Well, first off I am finally getting my job. There was a few days when I was not sure if it was a fit but now it seems to be flowing. Just as I say that shit will get confusing again but that is to be expected. Secondly, it is about that time. It has been a while since I posted one, but it is time for…

CHACHI’S RANDOM THOUGHTS!

Random Thought #1: R. Kelly Will Soon Be Taking Showers….Golden Showers!

Robert “King of R & Pee” Kelly is FINALLY going on trial for his sexual misconduct cases and other crap that he was charged with in like 1988 on the video we have all seen of him sexing up a lady. And peeing on her but besides that. I am just waiting for SOMEONE to finally put this nasty nigga in jail for SOMETHING! I mean I don’t care if it’s for constantly fucking Mr. Biggs women! That nigga needs prison time! Then, he will be braiding someone else’s hair…named Jaamal. After a little bit of tossed salad time:

I know I shouldn’t wish “tossed salad man” on anyone but fuck R. Kelly. I don’t even care how old the dumb bitch was anymore. That nasty, stupid nigga needs some fucking jailtime. He’ll come out of the closet…closet….closet!

Random Thought #2: Women Don’t Believe In Logic….OR RULES.

I am so sick of Hillary Clinton right now. It wouldn’t bug me so much if so many people (Mainly women hence the title of the Random Thought) weren’t being such retards about this situation. People are saying that Florida and Michigan voters are disenfranchised to which I say tough shit. Your party members AND officials knew the rules of administering primaries and by breaking the rules your vote doesn’t count. Sorry, THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE PARTY. It is one thing to screw up voting or block voting but if you know that your vote doesn’t count and you break the rules ANY-FUCKING-WAY then you don’t deserve a cookie. You deserve a foot in the face for being an idiot. Flat out. As for Michigan, I really don’t give a fuck about you either but your votes should count but if you take names off a ballot then they shouldn’t. I am sorry, it is time for either a do-over (Which Hillary never says is a good idea for some reason, mainly because she is a fucktard) or they don’t count. It is the only way to not disenfranchise OBAMA voters THAT COULDN’T FUCKING VOTE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS NAME OFF THE BALLOT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEIR PRIMARY BROKE THE RULES. Yet again, Hillary and her Legion of Clintonites never say anything about THAT shit because it doesn’t benefit them which is fine. It just shows that Hillary and her supporters are two faced asshats that will destroy their own party and force rules to be broken for their own benefit at the expense of the American Democratic voters and the party itself. Oh, and Bill PLEASE stop saying that Hillary is leading in the general election….which begins in fucking November. I don’t believe Hillary is leading the combined popular vote unless you add in Michigan & Florida (Officially the two dumbest states in the Union. Congrats Kentucky and West Virginia! You move up!) and of course discount the caucus states because THEIR votes don’t count. Hey, every vote counts as long as it helps you win right? Fucking morons.

Random Thought #3: Steven Byrne Is The New Funniest Man In America.

Seriously, why doesn’t this man have his own show with that Bobby Lee from MadTV?

Now THAT would be good TV.

Well, I am tired so I am about to head to bed. Countdown will be up tomorrow morning and Friday will odds are be PARTY TIME since there are no new movies out….except “Old Bitches In The City.” Man, I pray to the Dark Lord that movie doesn’t beat Iron Man. Seriously; I would rather see “Passion of Christ” with Evangelicals than see “Sex In The City.” No, that is not an exaggeration. If you see that movie, you should die and I don’t care who you are. Same thing I feel about people who went to see “Epic Movie”: Death is too good for you. Eh, life goes on. I am out.

Chachi Out.