There Is Only One Mr. Perfect, And You Are Looking At Him! - Curt Henning

I'm back, bitches! Let me start off with a little bit of prose....

This is a cry for mercy, I promise
My success would be the death of you
Low and behold,
You sold ya soul, there’s nothing left of you
Look in the mirror, ask yourself “who are you?”
If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?

Okay, I am back on the scene and for you sharp eyed thugs out there you know that is from “The Realest Killaz” by 2Pac and....ugh....50 Cent. However, I will tell you with a straight face that his verse in this song is the only work he has ever done that I liked. The reason is simple: if you are not comfortable with yourself, you can never truly be happy. It is that fucking simple.

Now as many of you know I am batshit crazy. You know what? I don’t give a fuck how any of you feel about it. You think I am a dick? Eat one, motherfucker. You think I am conceited and pretentious? You damn right I am and I have earned that right because I always embrace a chance to learn so I have garnered a lot of knowledge and life experience. Don’t get on my shit because your dumb ass doesn’t know who Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are. You think I am a nerd and you see that as being anti-social? Fuck you, prick. Just because I don’t spend my day banging skanks and drinking brews with the bros but actually think of ways to get my shit right doesn’t make me a nerd. It makes you a fuckwit and I hope you fucking die before you can procreate. Although, usually the stupid fuck like imprisoned rabbits during conjugal visits and make more children which means we have a shitload of rednecks and niggas (See: Idiocracy) and of course an assload of AIDS ridden Africans. Yes, I went there. If you aint ready for what I just said then stop reading now because this shit is going to get hardcore because I am through fucking around with people. I need a concealed weapons permit but I know I would become the Punisher or some shit because you gots to go.

With all that is good about me, I have accepted my faults. I know I am a fattie and I try to work on it. At the same time....I loves me some chicken. It is delicious and you know it. I should do better but I don’t and I recognize that shit. I chalk it up as a loss, charge it to the game and work on that shit when I can. I know I can be PERCIEVED as an asshole but one person’s “asshole” is another person’s “funniest nigga alive.” You think everyone thought Richard Pryor, George Carlin or Redd Foxx was funny? Hell no, they were band and called offensive and ruiners of the American youth. Yet, they didnt care. They did what they thought was funny and if you actually listened you learned some shit, too. Except for Redd Foxx....that nigga was just messed up in the head. He was funny as shit, though! Some of you have said I have problems with women which is false. I have problems with the women I KNOW AND HAVE DEALT WITH but I don’t lump them all as one group like some women do men (Or each other which is PRICELESS) as an attempt to create some skewed understanding of why your life is fucked up. Quit being a fucking tard and realize that people are different and even the most normal person will act different under varying stimuli. If he acts a little crazy because you don’t shut the fuck up and he acts a little crazy when you DO shut the fuck up then that nigga is really crazy and you need to go. Don’t collect $200 (Or child support which is SO SPECIAL because kids have no concept of that shit but hey, it aint my gig to judge) just leave and figure out what about you makes you drive people away or bring the dickwads. Oh, and same for men. I am living proof. I had my mom call me out on the fact I attract stupid bitches and crazy women because I will actually listen to them when I should be kicking them in the chest and running away (Her words, not mine. I tell you I would vote for her as President. Except for the fact she would have the “Shoot My Son On Sight” law) and I took myself to task and asked myself what makes this happen? If you don’t do that then you should shut the fuck up because if you don’t know you own problems you can’t judge anyone else. Nor should you, but I will touch on that later.

Now if you address the problem and you can’t fix it, there is nothing wrong with that. Contrary to what shrinks and dickweed talk show hosts want you to believe, there is nothing wrong with a little bit of dysfunctionality. It gives you character and actually gives you a little better outlook on shit. I listen to Griff and Zach about women because they have dealt with some crazy bitches, just like me. I aint going to take advice on women from a nigga that got married out of college because he knocked his girlfriend up and has been miserable ever since on some subjects. He may be able to give me sound advice on some things but not everything! You see, being dysfunctional is only bad if it is all you know and will accept. If you are used to having your ass kicked by a man (Or a woman...long story. I was scared!) that is actually okay. As long as you KNOW it is dysfunctional and make an attempt to stay away from that dynamic. Now if you are CONSTANTLY with a different man that is kicking your ass on the daily (Or hourly which is a championship beater and I tip my hat) then you really need to not fucking date LET ALONE MARRY. A man only kicks your ass because you let him get away with it. Seriously, a man knows that LOOKING AT A WOMAN THE WRONG WAY CAN LEAD TO JAIL TIME. Or ending up like Emmitt Till but that may have been too far....naaaaaah. I keeps it real, real offensive. So if a man hits you the first time and you do nothing, there is a problem with you and a bigger problem with him but at that point it’s like not calling a borderline hard foul in the NBA as a flagrant foul. You can’t let three or four hard checks in the lane go and then all of a sudden call a flagrant on a breakaway over the back foul. I mean you CAN but the repercussions are a lot greater (Public scrutiny, suspension, being dissed by Shaq in a battle “rap”) than if you had called everything how it was. If you can’t understand that analogy then you deserve to get hit. Now some will say that “No woman ever deserves to get hit” and I disagree but you should just NEVER DO IT. Everyone deserves to get a foot broken off in their ass; you should just never do it to a woman. I need to put that on a t-shirt.

So I am sure that you are wondering what the hell this post is even about. Well, I am too because I just started typing after a few drinks and my six minutes of drunkenness has worn off because I and a fattie. However, I want to touch back on the initial quote from that 2Pac song I have at the top:

If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?

Simple line and a rather deep quote. Almost doesn’t belong in Fiddy’s vernacular but here we are. Now if you don’t know what makes you “you” then how can you except to be with anyone else and be happy? I know who I am, and that is how I KNOW that I can never be with anyone else and be happy....unless it’s Mandy Moore:

Oh, Mandy. Restraining orders can’t keep me from you! Well, they CAN but you get the idea. The simple fact is no one gives a fuck about you. Hell, no one gives a fuck about anyone. Oh, it’s nice to pretend we care about what is going on in Darfur or that we know where it is (It’s just south of Detroit, right?) but at the end of the day the majority people are selfish. Much like I said about being shallow, there is nothing wrong with being selfish. It can alienate you and keep you from helping or meeting people but at the end, some of the greatest advances in people were created in selfishness:

• The Cotton Gin: Lazy Negros didn’t want to spend all day in the field. That was fine, more time to beat them! Can’t beat them while they work, it lowers productivity. I’m...so never going to get married after this.
• Slam Dunk Competition: You think any of us would give a fuck about a Dee Brown, Spud Webb or Dominique Wilkins? Fuck no. None of us do NOW, but for like 8 minutes, they were glorious dunking darkies. Hey, they should change the name of the Seattle Supersonics to the Oklahoma City Dunking Darkies! Man, I need to stop!
• Breast Implants: The female version of getting a BMW. You think it makes up for all your faults and gives you self esteem but in the end it just makes you look like a moron. But it’s all about you and that is all that matters!
• Masturbation: The ultimate in self-gratification. Initially, they were going to call “self-gratification” masturbation but it felt too good to have such a generic meaning.
• Mormonism: Or as I call it “Christianity: The Quest For More Cash Money” because they are all about that fetti. We all hate on them, but they are getting rich off of God. And isnt that what he is there for? How many of you pray to God for money or help with bills? They said “fuck that shit” and did it their damn selves. Can’t hate on that, but the Wolven wouldn’t have that shit.
• The Keytar: The ultimate in not just selfishness, but in ego-tripping. You know that the keyboard player wanted the cockgobbling groupie love the guitarist got so some lonely fuck created the keytar to capture some of that 80’s hairsprayed Jersey girl tang. I guess it worked....
• Breaking Up The Band: Paul Simon, Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Sting, Beyonce, Busta Rhymes and of course George Michael all said “fuck the band, I want that cash money!” and went solo. We are all better people for it. I guess, I personally only like George Michael and Paul Simon. You can call me Al, too! We are soulmates! Please someone get that reference.....

So selfishness actually helps out everyone. Understand another thing, just because there is nothing WRONG with it doesn’t mean you should BE selfish. Knowing what you want isn’t being selfish just like knowing what you are attracted to isn’t being shallow. However, if you are willing to sabotage yourself and others because you are unhappy, that is being selfish. Well, let me take that back. That is being a FUCKTARD. Dumb shit like that gives selfish people a bad name. If what you WANT is destructive to yourself or others because that in itself is selfish. If you are okay with your actions then like I have always said you have to be you. At the end of the day, you can’t continually be selfish about your actions and expect good things to happen to you. Hitler was pretty fucking selfish and he died of a gunshot wound to the head in a bunker like a punk bitch. Kind of like Light in “Death Note”:

FUCKED UP. I was expecting him to just go apeshit and start writing down everyone he ever knew or something. Anyway, like I was saying. Being selfish is quite alright, as long as you are okay about where you will end up. If you aren’t happy where you end up then stop being selfish. Gawd, what is so difficult about that? For such an advanced and revered society, we sure do have a lot of simple problems that we can’t seem to fucking fix. You think the Sudanese worry about “I wish I could just find a guy and keep him without fucking it up because I am born to undo myself like the pants of Korean whore during shore leave?” No, because they speak in clicks and beeps. Man....I am never going to find a wife at this rate.

Okay, back to what I believe is the whole point of this quasi-rant (Wait, at four pages this is officially a sleep-deprived diatribe). Everything in your life is based around how you feel about yourself. I learned that after high school after trying to fit in and be what I was not (Griff, remember the braids? Man...I was not the fashion icon I am now) that sometimes being yourself means understanding that you are not perfect. But you know what? Perfection is pointless. Seriously, once you achieve perfection all you can do is start over. What makes us human is the fact that we strive to be the best we can be. Which is all God in all his (Or her for you people who think that God could actually be a woman....but it would explain why the Bible makes no sense and bounces around like a freshman girl at a kegger. ZING!) imperfections asks of you. We are a work in progress, people. I quite a dude that has become arguably my second favorite captain in Bleach after this dialog:

“In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion. Regardless of those who utter the contrary. This is the reality.....the common man seeks it out. They aspire to achieve it, as if it were some tangible thing. But...the fact of the matter is, perfection is a hollow shell....it is devoid of any substance. I spit on perfection. Perfection after all, implies that you’ve reached the summit....no trial and error....no ability to conceptualize. An omniscient being would have no need for such superfluous things.

Am I making myself clear?

For those people who dabble in the sciences such as ourselves, perfection would render us obsolete. Many magnificent things have been and will continue to come into existence and yet, everyone last one of them will fall short of perfection’s finish line. Our function as men of science relies on their many shortcomings. Then....and only then can we apply the fruits of our labor. To put it simply... as soon as you began spouting that nonsense about being an immaculate being...your fate was sealed.”

Wordy? Yes but Bleach usually is. And once again, anime serves the real life like “Breakin.” People are selfish, shallow, petty, prejudiced beings and most of this is gathered over time. However, it is how you take yourself to task on your imperfections that makes you who you are. To constantly be a habitual line stepper (I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH! Rest in peace, you Black mother fucker!) about the same shit isn’t striving for perfection, it is accommodating imperfection which is even unhealthier. Ask yourself, “Who are you” and until you can answer that question and are okay with the answer you give you have to work at it. Working at it for YEARS (You know who you are) isn’t progress. That is like saying that OJ is still trying to find the killers of those two White people he killed. You are lying to yourself and you are lying to America. It may be okay for a President, but it aint okay for you. DOUBLE BURN! I AM THE BURN MASTER!

Well, that is all for now. I will be back up tomorrow at some point for some reason that is unbeknownst to me right now. I am considering doing a full rant about abortion, but I am sure my readership will drop. To like...two. You all know my stance but it couldn't hurt to voice it loudly and proudly. Also, stay tuned as my 600th post on Blogger is coming up and I am probably doing another Omnibus (Straight up, not specialized) and if I get enough questions I MAY do a Reader's Choice Omnibus! All six readers out there, send your questions and I will answer them as frankly and offensively as possible. You know how I do. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.

America: No One Rawks HARDER! Take That, Norway!

Happy Birthday America! It is the 4th of July and it is Friday which means it is time for the first ever Independence Day edition of…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with the King of the South….and the King of the Countdown!

20. T.I. – No Matter What (New Entry)

T.I. is back! It has been a long while since we have seen the King of the South on the Countdown but he has made a triumphant return! The song is retrospective seeing as how he did the ultimate in douchery and had enough guns to take down Beirut. However, the video is simple and fits the song perfectly. What can I say, I fucks with T.I.
19. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #16)
I also used to fucks with Colbie but it looks like that is about to end as she falls to number nineteen this week. Nothing new from her in a while and that is a shame. She was beginning to grow on me.
18. Yui – Summer Song (New Entry)

It is officially the summer of Yui! This is her third video of the year and with arguably the biggest album of 2008 (Not by Lil’ Wayne, of course) this may just be the Year of Yui! I am all about this song and video right now and it is about to show!
17. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #14, One Week at #1)
So Coldplay is topping the charts and Amy Winehouse is calling Kanye a cunt. I won’t tell them about their video being on the verge of falling of the Countdown.
16. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13)
After peaking at number thirteen for the last two weeks, Takuya and the boys fall three big spots this week. I can’t believe they are already on the verge of releasing a new album. None of this three to four years bullshit like American artists.
15. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #17)
Yes, Seamo is STILL making moves upward on the Countdown, jumping up two spots this week. Also picked up his album and I must say….it is not bad. That’ll do, Seamo. That’ll do.
14. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #11, Three Weeks at #1)
New Jeezy video coming soon! Until then, this video falls three big spots this week.
13. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)
So I officially love this song and video. I would put it as the ringtone but no one would get it except for anime fans (Same as usual) but….”Carameldansen” can’t go just yet.
12. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #10)

Okay, it is about time for some new face rocking Aqua Timez. After “Alones” I am expecting to have my face violated with rock and it is not happening. DO IT NOW!
11. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #15)
Speaking of violation….I am so going to jail. It’s like Hinoi Team all over again. Either way, The Wonder Girls are one spot short of the Top 10. Que the feds.
10. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #8)
WHERE IN THE FUCK IS CHU-BURA?! QUIT FUCKING WITH ME! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!
9. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #12)

W00T! High and Mighty Color are back in the Top 10! I just cant believe that TM is in the damn video for this! That is so tits! This song has always been bad ass and what is weirder is Hiroko sounds more manly than TM. I’m just saying.
8. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #6, Two Weeks at #1)
It has been a slow drop just like it was a slow rise but Kobuta amd Misia contine to fall this week. Anyone know when TK’s new album is coming? I am all about that shit.
7. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #9)

BACK-ON is slowly but surely moving upward this week. I cannot not find NARY A ONE of their mini-albums. I have their singles (Which rule) but they have I think two or three mini albums that I cannot find. Little help here?
6. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #7)
Usher moves up the mountain yet again this week as we move along. Not going to lie to you, I really am feeling this song right now. Kind of the story of my life as of right now. But thems the breaks.
5. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #3)
Alicia Keys falls two spots this week but holds on to the Top Five. I would figure that she would dominate the summer with those hips of hers (GAWD DAMN I LOVE YOU!) but here we are. I am “Muy Trieste.”
4. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #5)
Game is back with a new video! Supposedly there is a video filmed for “Dope Boys” with Travis Barker from Blink 182 on drums. Interesting combo, but that song is BANGIN! Until then his latest moves up a spot this week as Game attempts to get is ever elusive number one video. We are down to three!
3. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #4)

The song has been out for what seems like forever but it finally makes the Top Three! Can Chris Brown be the next Usher and rule the summer? We will have to see because he is off to a great start so far! I can’t believe he was almost banned from here.
2. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

The reign for YA-KYIM is officially over! NOOOOOOOO! After three weeks on top and beginning the summer on a sexy note they fall a spot to number two. It was a great run but een Bennie K and UGK had to fall from the top. Well if they are at number two….who is at number one on this Independence Day?
1. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)

FINALLY!! After two videos and over a year of working at it Paramore has taken the top spot! It has been a long two month trek but they can finally take the throne for female led rock that HAMC and Evanescence could not! This song really captures me right now….how sad. Either way, it is bad ass. Congrats to Hayley and the band for taking the crown!

That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if Paramore can continue to ride high for a second straight week? Or will YA-KYIM take back what they feel belongs to them? Or will Chris Brown stun everyone and continue the Year of R&B? Come back in 7 days and find out!

Well, I am going to see Hancock tonight so anyone that is down let me know. Until next time, HAPPY 4th OF JULY!

Chachi Out.

OOOOHHHHHH, IT HAS SO BEEN BROUGHTEN!!

It is time for the Passion of Chachi America's Best Dance Crew Play By Play Review! Let's get started!

First Crew to Advance…..A.S.I.I.D. That was a shocker if I say so myself.

First Crew: A.S.I.I.D. (Flo-Rida’s “Roll”)

Holy shit, they just killed it! Three separate rolls and the ending was kind of ill where he was blowing at the end. Blink or not pay attention and you would miss that. It was great but as usual…Lil’ Mama is a fucking moron. It wasn’t SLOPPY as much as it was frenetic. But this is coming from someone that cant form a FUCKING COMPLETE SET OF WORDS INTO A PARAGRAPH so take it with a grain of salt. Overall, their performance was damn good and everyone else is going to have to be REAL NICE to top that.

So….”G’s To Gents” may be the dumbest idea for a show EVER. I so hate MTV right now.

Aaaaaaaand we are back!

Second Crew To Advance: So Real Cru (R. Kelly’s “Snake” Eeeeewwwwww)

Seriously, those ladies are HAWT! Okay, first off that intro was fire. I just came a little. Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK! That was quite excellent! They really took the Kaba Modern movements to the next level. Dare I say, they could be a little better because they seem to be a little more athletic. Anyone else notice that the more Shane and J.C. (In his uber-gay way) actually give effective critique about the performance the dumber Lil’ Mama sounds? I mean she sounds like she has never danced in her life sometimes which is wrong because I have seen her videos and she is very good. Just not very bright.

Shit, more commercials. Remember when commercials were actually fucking good? God, those were the halcyon days.

We are so back in this bitch!

Third Crew To Advance: Super Cr3w! (Jim Jones “We Fly High” FUCK YES!)

Well, let’s see how this goes. BALLIN! They get “We Fly High” by Jim Jones! Okay…THEY JUST FUCKING OWNED THIS SHOW! From the Superman/Clark Kent look to the airplane group stunt at the end to them tossing that cat in the air like FORTY FEET! They were fucking impeccable! Add in the tossing of the money and you have the best combination of dance, breaking and theatrics of ANYONE ON THE SHOW! A.S.I.I.D….they just murdered you. Hardcore. Three performances (Four if you count the try-outs) and they are just serving Jaba right now. Two different styles but head to head, Super Cr3w is rocking the box.

We are back!

Fourth Crew To Advance: Boogie Bots! (Lil’ Flip “Game Over”)

Ugh, I am not a Lil Flip fan but I am so hoping they murder this song. OH MY FUCKING GOD I THINK I JUST CAME HARDER THAT I EVER CAME BEFORE! They pulled out the Dragon Punch, the Hadoken AND THEY HAD GLOW IN THE DARK SUITS!! THAT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN SUPER CR3W! NIGGAS MADE A GIANT ROBOT! Their dancing was technically sound AND they threw in the tricks of Super Cr3w to boot! I think that my initial pick has FINALLY recaptured my vote because that was FUCKING AWESOME! Yes, as of right now Boogie Bots has my vote back.

More commercials! And now we are back! Tension time as it is the bottom four!

First Crew In Bottom Two: Xtreme Dance Force! (Well DUUUUUUUH!)
Second Crew In Bottom Two: Phresh Select! (I SO CALLED THAT SHIT LAST WEEK! YOU ALL OWE ME!)

Fifth Crew To Advance: Fanny Pak (Britney Spears “Toy Soldier”)

What in the fuck? Never heard of this song. Well, all I have to say about that performance is that it was very good. They came out as Army Men (W00T!!!) and had a lot of funny stunts (Using the girls as machine guns was funny) and they were very precise….VERY PRECISE. That is really why I don’t hate on them so much (See: BreakSk8 from Season One) because they are good at what they do and unlike the aforementioned it is DANCING. However, there are about six crews better at the COMPLETE PACKAGE than Fanny Pak which lies my issue. This was good, but still the bottom of the night so far.

Commercials! We are back!

Sixth Crew To Advance: Supreme Soul (Flo-Rida “Elevator)

COME ON! What is with this more than one song from people?! You couldn’t find another artist to put on this bitch?! Gawd! I’m shocked they were in the four. This is interesting! Hotel lobby style? That was daring. Can I just ask Fanny Pak and A.S.I.I.D. to look at their movements because the peel off and the breaks were detailed, concise and smooth. Fanny Pak and A.S.I.I.D. are really just….frenetic in a way that is GOOD but compared to So Real Cru and Supreme Soul makes them look kind of…uncoordinated? That’s harsh, but it makes them look not as clean to me. Supreme Soul actually must be waiting to be in the bottom two to break out the good stuff because this was nice but I am expecting them to kill it and they never do. Maybe next week…

Commercials are over and we are down to the bottom two!

First Bottom Two Crew: Phresh Select (T.I.’s “Big Things Poppin”)

KING OF THE SOUTH, MOFO! Well, let’s see here. Well, I think I saw a few slip ups (Which makes sense because they are a new crew according to the vignette) but it was kind of…You Got Served-ish. It was good but it wasn’t as up to par as the top four crews. More explanation on the next one because we are already at the second crew….

Second Bottom Two Crew: Xtreme Dance Force (Tech 9ine’s “Earthquake”)

Wow…that was an interesting song choice. Well, it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t up to par as the rest of the crews. It wasn’t….memorable. As a matter of a fact, this is why I think these two teams were at the bottom: they don’t have that panache. They are both very sound crews but compared to a Super Cr3w’s theatrics/talent or So Real Cru’s precision or even A.S.I.I.D.’s and Fanny Pak’s tempo and eye-catching movements they just don’t stand out and a lot of times are overshadowed. Same here and same especially for Phresh Select because they have a lot of talent but are not the memorable type. Not bad, just not prime time players.

Commercials! QUIT STALLING! GET TO THE PLAN!! FINALLY!

And here we go…

Bottom Two: Phresh Select vs. Xtreme Dance Force!

Well, I think Xtreme Dance Force is staying because they didn’t mess up. But we never know what the judges will do….

The Eliminated Crew For This Week: Xtreme Dance Crew!

WHOA!! I was totally off on that one. I really thought that Phresh Select was going home, and I must say I wouldn’t be shocked if they had because they were about even this time. I don’t know, I should feel good about this…but I don’t. *Sigh*

So let me give the rankings for next week!

1. Super Cr3w (Yeah, they pretty much locked this down like Jabawockiez locked it down after week four. This season is a little closer but killing the show three of the four weeks has them almost a lock for the final show)
2. Boogie Bots (Could be number one, depends on how many nerds vote. HADOKEN! They could be the Status Quo of this season: almost get eliminated and kill it for the rest of the season)
3. So Real Cru (Man, they are just outmatched. I REALLY like them but the top two are leaps and bounds above the rest right now. HOWEVER, one good performance in the final four could really change things for them)
4. Fanny Pak (Now listen up for all of you pissed off because I don’t “like” Fanny Pak. I do “like” Fanny Pak but they are not NEAR the top three. They are in a muddled middle along with the next crew)
5. Supreme Soul (Being from Cali helps them out a lot. Now I honestly believe that they are waiting until their backs are up against the wall because they are so much better than this. They are the wild card because I believe at some point they are going to just MURDER the competition and push up into the top three. I said it first, they will be in the bottom two, maybe even this week)
6. A.S.I.I.D. (Being first on the show can cause a REAL ISSUE. Some people wont remember their performance and when you are the benchmark and you get KILLED by two or three crews it drops your votes. Lookout because either Fanny Pak, Supreme Soul or A.S.I.I.D. could be in the bottom two, that is how muddled the middle is. However, Supreme Soul is bound to pull a San Antonio Spurs and pull it together in the end)
7. Phresh Select (These guys are a great story but they aren’t memorable. Talented as all hell but compared to the crews above them they aren’t as “jazz handy.” They will return to the bottom two)

Bottom Two For Next Week:

Phresh Select and Supreme Soul (SHOCKER!!!)

Yeah, I am going out on a limb with this one. Odds are I am wrong but I’m no professional and I am taking a shot in the dark. Tune in next Thursday to see if I am batshit crazy or not!

Countdown will be up tomorrow! Until then, stay up!

Chachi Out!

It's Time To Get R-A-W....Which Spells...Something....

What is up, bitches! I am back on the scene and I am feeling a hell of a lot better about things compared to last week. Big ups to Copper for his moving in party on Saturday, that really helped out a lot. Nothing like beer and kung fu movies to make everything right with the world.

First things first. I know a lot (Well….none) of you are wrestling fans but I still am. I hate Triple H with a passion and I DESPISE how they make Edge and Chris Jericho look like dumbasses (Although when Y2J Marty Jannetty’d Shawn Michaels a few weeks ago I LOST MY SHIT! IT WAS AWESOME!) but I still watch the WWE on Monday s in hopes of The Rock returning or Triple H being mauled by a bear. Oh, and I have a thing for Mickie James:

That is one sexy lady right there. Say what you will about wrestling…..BUT IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!

That’s…um….really fucking gay. Anyway, this past Monday Night Raw looked like your average boring Raw as JR (Who I have NEVER liked, even in his WCW days. I am saying it right now: Joey Styles is the best play-by-play commentator in wrestling. BRING IT, BITCHES) had his shitty ass goodbye moment ruined by Edge which I thought was going to be the best moment of the night. Then, Batista came out and kicked the holy Canadian Batshit out of Edge for about three minutes and…well…roll that beautiful mark out footage:

CM PUNK IS THE CHAMP! PUNK WINS! PUNK WINS!
Now having this happen to Edge was kind of a downer (I like the guy, he got to the top by banging someone else’s old lady. Oh, and he brought us the line “Reeks of awesomeness” which will I want put on my fucking tombstone) but dammit, CM PUNK IS THE CHAMP! Now I don’t have anything against CM Punk but I am a fan of the ROH-style of wrestling (Sometimes) as a change of pace from the kicky-punchy-big life threatening spot style the WWE has shoved down my throat since 1997-98. Odds are he won’t hold the belt long (Which is a shame because a CM Punk/Shawn Michaels or a CM Punk/Y2J feud would be awesome) but man I marked out almost as loud as I did for the greatest match of all fucking time:

What do you want from me? Macho Man + Biggest Wrestlemania ever + Ricky Steamboat at his third most awesome + me being six years old and lived for this = AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! RICKYYYYYYYY! They were the halcyon days.

With that being said, it is time for something that is pissing me off: “sports news.” All day I have had to hear about Brett Favre. I really….really could care less what that Mississippi fuck does. He said he retired. That was good enough for me to officially say “congratulations” and move on to other things. Now, about two months before the beginning of the season he wants to come back. You know what? I don’t give a fuck. If he wants to come back I don’t believe that he should be able to play in Green Bay. I am sorry, that is just my opinion. Fuck you, Pac-Man. Now normally when people change their minds about retirement I am totally cool about it (Troy Aikman, Michael Jordan, Mick Foley) but not this time. Since about….1999 Pac-Man has been saying the whole “I might hang it up” song EVERY-FUCKING-SEASON. It got to the point he kept crying “retirement” so much that I stopped (And a lot of fans stopped) giving a fuck. Either do it or get off the pot. He finally did it but now it seems he has a case of the splatter-shits because he is knocking on the door with a newspaper saying that he is about to shit his pants if Green Bay doesn’t open the door. Now as many of you know Brett Favre was on that purgatory realm for me as a football player where Tom Brady, LT and Terrell Owens reside: I don’t NOT like them but I am not going to buy their jersey or fight for them in fantasy football. However it seems like Brett’s about as trustworthy as a girlfriend at a Bi/Zac Efron cloning party (I will admit, I would turn into a total whore at one of those myself) about sticking to anything he says I have officially had enough of this. ESPN needs to stop covering this. While I am at it, I don’t care if A-Rod is fucking Madonna. He is a fucktard and she is a whore. I hope he gets AIDS from her….because we know she has that or its even more deadly cousin. I hate the news.

I am out for now. I will be back tomorrow for a blow by blow recap (Or live coverage) of ABDC. Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.

To Bro....Or Not To Bro.

It has been a minute but I am back on the scene! Saturday was awesome as I “helped” Copper move (Note: Playing DOA4 for the Xbox360 until 5am is NOT a good idea. I keep thinking Jahn Lee is going to jumpkick me through a fucking wall) and partook in nearly 12 hours of drinking. Or for my size….happy hour. Good times were had by all.

Also, I went to see “Wanted” and “Wall-E” on Friday and I must say that while both were good, WANTED WAS FUCKING AWESOME. I was expecting very little from it and was blown away by the violence and action. I thought it would be over the top and hokey but instead it was action-packed and not as outlandish as I expected it to be. Wall-E was great although the thought of robot love is just as forgien to me as real love but aside from that it was a good family film. I can say this with certainty: it was the worst of all the Pixar films. Now don’t get me wrong. It kicked total ass but aside from Toy Story 2 (Which I DID NOT LIKE AT ALL but that is just me) this was the one Pixar movie that I am probably not going to see again. Wanted on the other hand has me pumped EVEN MORE for Batman Begins as we are three for three with comic book movies this summer (Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk were both bad ass and Wanted was rather serviceable) not including Hellboy 2 which looks very good. Man, this may be the best summer ever! Even better than the summer at Camp Anawanna

Now, for something really quick. So on my way back from buying some dress clothes I saw a jeep full of bros. Not a new event but in said jeep were four bros. Dressed in one color outfits…like the fucking Power Rangers. One wore all red, one had all yellow, one had all green and the other had all Carolina blue. It was the GAYEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN and I have seen two dudes kissing. And that is as gay as it gets…I mean until I saw THAT. Almost ruined my damn day.

Okay, this was short but I will go back to blogging next week. There will be a rant this week (I’M BACK!!) so stay tuned. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.

G's Into Gents Will Be The Worst TV SHOW EVER.

Gents Will Be The Worst Show On Television.It is Friday and I have an (eternal for the time being) three day weekend! In celebration, you know what time it is!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get going!

20. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #17)
Looks like “Paris, Tokyo” has hit my rotation hard. Look for it on the Countdown soon. Meanwhile, this video was a bit of a letdown after the dominance or “Us Placers” but still going pretty strong for Lupe this summer.
19. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (New Entry)

Well, well, well! Looks like Naruto: Shippuden has put a second opening theme on the Countdown! We all know what happened last time the show put an opening theme on here….it dominated. I have always been a fan of Ikimonogakari, especially that song from the Japanese soundtrack for “Monster House.” Still haven’t seen the movie, though.
18. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #15)
Looks like it is over for The Arc! After coming so close to taking the top spot they have continued to fall ever since. Are they going to make a comeback soon or are they resting up?
17. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #20)

Yes, Seamo is moving up this week. The more I watch this video the more I fricking love it. Damn you, Seamo! Damn you and your awesome video!
16. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #14)
You know, I don’t hate her as much as I did about five months ago. My hatred is now directed at Katy Perry and that dumb ass “Kissed A Girl” song. Didn’t someone already make that song? And it was a lot better, too.
15. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #18)
CRAP. I am totally going to jail for this one. This song is way too catchy to NOT be on here. The video is…um….yeah I’m going to jail.
14. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #12, One Week at #1)

So it looks like Kanye Is coming back. And he will be with Young Jeezy. A video for “Put On” should be out shortly and dammit I LOVE THIS TRACK. Shit….I am a Young Jeezy fan. DAMN YOU, JEEZY!
13. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13)
UVERworld stands pat at number 13 for the third straight week as “Geikido” is proving to kick a lot more ass than this video. Has kind of a “D-Technolife” feel to it.
12. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #16)
Just got the single and damn it this song is kickass! It moves up four spots this week which is the most of any video to boot. Look for the TM cameo at the end!
11. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #10, Three Weeks at #1)
Usher falls out of the Top 10 for the first time in two months as “Love In The Club” no longer has love in the Top 10. Even though he has another video to come, one of the biggest videos of the early summer takes a tumble.
10. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #9)

After peaking at number nine for two straight weeks Aqua Timez falls back a spot but still holds on to the Top 10. Not as dominant of a run as “Alones” but few things are.
9. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #11)
BACK-ON is in the Top 10! First time out and they are moving up very quickly. I am still waiting for an album from these guys but thems are the breaks I guess. I better not have to wait much longer lest I flip the fuck out.
8. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #5)
WHERE IN THE FUCK IS “CHU-BURA?!” I AM ABOUT THROUGH PLAYING AROUND WITH YOU!
7. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #8)
Usher moves up a single spot this week as we inch closer to the top. You know, this video is moving up slowly compared to “Love In The Club” which is kind of a shock. After going 4 years or so without Ush I figured he would dominate. Cosmic.
6. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #3, Two Weeks at #1)
Kobuta and Misia fall out of the top five for the first time in over six weeks as we move along. With a new single out for both starts, 2008 looks to be a big year. Also…I still cruise to this jam.
5. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #7)

The Game is back! After almost a year hiatus, Game is back in the Top Five! One of the most dominant rap acts on the Countdown, Game looks to continue his run and hopefully take the top spot for the first time ever. We move on up…
4. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #6)
Chris Brown is looking to be to new Usher! Well, kind of anyway. Chris Brown moves up a big two spots this week and rests just outside the Top Three. Pretty good for a guy that was almost banned from this bad boy last year. We are down to three!!
3. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #2)
Alicia Keys falls! After making it to number two and looking to take the crown, Alicia falls a HUGE spot to number three! Is this the end of her run as Queen of The Countdown?
2. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #4)

Once again, Paramore captures the runner up spot! I have been jamming to this for a while, mainly because love sucks but even still this song is awesome. After the lackluster performance of “Crushcrushcrush” this could be the video that brings them their first number one! But first, they have to knock off the reigning champs!
1. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

YA-KYIM hold on for yet another week! It has been three strong weeks for these three sexy ladies as they stake claim to being maybe one of the biggest acts of the year! This video is awesome and their live performance….let’s just say it was fricking hot. Big ups for three sexy weeks at the top!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can make it a full month at the top! Or will Paramore FINALLY take the throne? Or can Alicia Keys rebound and get her third number one video of the last 9 months? See you in seven!

So tonight it is ALL ABOUT WALL-E! Fricking kids are going to be there so it is going to be rough but still. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody!

It is about that time! ABDC is on and it is about that time for a crew by crew rundown! Let’s get this bad boy started!

Sass X7 in the bottom three. I SO CALLED THAT SHIT, SON!

First Crew: Super Cr3w (Chris Brown’s “Run It”)

Okay, it was going to be hard to top last week but they really did. Chris Brown’s “Run It” doesn’t really do them justice but they still ripped it. Started off the show right.

Secomd Crew: Fanny Pak (Gwen Stefani’s “Wind It Up”)

FUCK GWEN STEFANI. Seriously, she is the new age Madonna but twice as annoying. However, I liked this performance. They did what they do best: dance like they are going through a conniption. It worked, though. Not as good as Super Cr3w, but still.

Third Crew: Supreme Soul (Omarion’s “Touch”)

Um…okay I LIKED this performance. Don’t get it twisted. However….they can do a lot better. Was digging the free portion, though. That is where they shine. Second best performance….barely. Fanny Pak is looking a lot better though.

Fourth Crew: Phresh Select (Chris Brown’s “Gimme That”)

More Chris Brown? Aw, fuck. Either way this was just run of the mill. Not bad but not AWESOME like Super Cr3w’s. I hope they don’t repeat artists again. This performance was pretty good, but not enough of the crew. They really just redid the video which was the task but after last week and creating an identity they should have played more to that.

Back from commercial! God…..Mario Lopez is the gayest gay to every gay a gay.

BOOGIE BOTS IN THE BOTTOM THREE?! THERE IS NO FUCKING GOD!

Fifth Crew: A.S.I.I.D (Ciara’s “Like A Boy”)

Wow….so many jokes about the two gay Black men. Hey look, it’s 50 Cent and Tony Yayo! BURN! Oh, here we go. HOLY SHIT, THEY PULLED OFF THE MATRIX LEAN! They win. Well…that was underwhelming. I mean it was great but it wasn’t going to be as balls out as I expected. They pulled off the video portion. Not mind-blowing but well created and well executed.

On another note: my god…I HATE LIL’ MAMA SO MUCH. Whenever she speaks I just want her to fucking die. I know that sounds extreme but she really either needs to go to school or never talk. I don’t care how rich that bitch is, learn to fucking talk or shut the fuck up. You sound like you belong in Rikers. Fee fi fo figga I hates me a nigga…..that means you. Okay, I am off the soapbox. Commercial break!

Crew Six: So Real Cru (Usher’s “Love In The Club”)

FUCK YES! USHER IN THE HOUSE, BITCHES! THEY ARE KILLING IT! Oooohhhh, a little slip up in the end (VERY LITTLE, odds are you missed it if you blinked) but aside from that they were awesome! I love their choreography, reminds me of Kaba Modern but with a lot more movement. The comparisons end there because they aren’t as detailed as Kaba but their movements are more pronounced. I know that makes no sense but watch the two and you will get it (Small movements compared to sweeping ones. Trust me the difference is there). Oh, and Lil’ Mama is literally the Paula Abdul of this show: incoherent and ill-informed. She didn’t know Fanny Pak was an 80’s group and is constantly just sounding….dumb.

Bottom Three: Boogie Bots, Sass X7 and Xtreme Dance Cockmongers.

My god, how the XDC has fallen. They started off so awesome but…no. I am surprised by Boogie Bots being in the bottom three. Here we go….

Bottom Two Crew #1: Sass X7 (I FUCKING TOLD YOU!)
Bottom Two Crew #2: BOOGIE BOTS?! WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?! God you all suck ass and I hope you all die!

God….I hate people. I hate them so much. Well, let the suckiest suckfucks performance begin.

Crew #7: Xtreme Dance Fuckwads (Mario’s “Let Me Love You”….Um…What?)

Okay, they got a raw deal because they got a song that doesn’t really fit with their style or against their competition. Aaaaaaand it shows. It was average. Although I can’t blame them because the song was “meh.” God, I hate Lil’ Mama so much. Nothing she says makes any fucking sense. Overall, I didn’t like it. But since all of America can vote they will be back. Hopefully they will split the dumb bitch vote with Sass XSuck.

Commercial time!

So we are left with the bottom two:

Bottom Two “Oh, It’s On Now!” Showdown: Boogie Bots vs. Sass X7

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Crew #8: Boogie Bots (B2K’s “Bump, Bump, Bump”)

They do NOT deserve to be in the bottom two. But that’s life. HILY SHIT! THEY ARE RIPPING THIS SONG UP! Okay, not a lot of breaking but not much breaking time in a B2K song. Great performance if I say so myself.

Crew #9: Sass x7 (Britney Spear’s “Slave 4 U”)

My god….this shit is so fucking fixed. How does an all female crew get BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS AT RANDOM?! Bullshit! Aaaaand they all look like Britney. Well, they have the video down. That is for damn sure. However, I am not understanding what the point of that was. They didn’t have a freestyle portion which in my opinion really cost them.

Okay, the Boogie Bots outperformed Sass x7 head to head. However….I have a feeling they are going to pull a Live In Color and overlook a better performance in favor of a crowd pleaser. Now I am not going to take anything away from Sass x7, they were better than Xtreme Dance Fucktards by leaps and bounds. But head to head against the Boogie Bots their performance was exciting as much as it was a dead ringer for the video. That was the task, but Boogie Bots did the task just as good (Actually, a tad bit better because their video had a little more difficulty for the section they chose) AND added stunts and humor to the performance. Not my choice, though.

More commercials! Do I need a home loan? Ask me in two months!

Here we go….tension building….

Eliminated Crew: Sass x7!

Wow…they got it right. That’ll do, judges. That’ll do. Boogie Bots will be in the bottom two next week again, though.

Quick recap!

Best Performance: So Real Cru/Super Cr3w
You thought I was going to say Super Cr3w? Well I was gonna until looking at their routine a second time (And third). That fucking dance routine in that video is HARD and they pulled it off almost perfectly. It was kind of like the BCS title game last year. So Real Cru has some defeats (LSU) but its about what you did. Super Cr3w had a FLAWLESS routine (Ohio State) but it really wasn’t as difficult.

Worst Performance: Xtreme Dance Crew
Now a lot of this has to do with the video they got stuck with but still. I just don’t fucking like them.

Next Weeks Bottom Two Crews: Phresh Select & Xtreme Dance Crew
Bit of a shocker but being the second Chris Brown song and being in the middle of the show could hurt them. You never know though.

I will try this again next week. Let me know if you dig this style of recap because whether or not I do this I am still gonna watch. Countdown up in a bit. Stay up!

Chachi Out.

Guess I Gotta Put The Welcome Mat Out...See Who Comes A Knockin.

IT’S ME BITCHES!!!

I am back after a lengthy hiatus (Been gone since Sunday I believe, and that is long seeing as how I had like 23 straight days of posts) and all I can say is that it has been a very….taxing three days. I aint gonna trip because it was my own choosing but at the same time…sometimes you got to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. Preach it, 40 Water…preach it.

So enough with being a downer as hopefully shit will fix itself up soon. I DO have a huge issue with some things out there and dammit, now is as good a time as any to get some shit off of my chest.

Issue #1: Reality BITES!

Okay, after hearing people say that “The Hills” and “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” weren’t like normal reality shows, I figured since I have a few free days on my hands I will watch a few minutes of each. All I can say is that if this is what passes for entertainment in America….we need to die off. Since when was White people with problems entertainment? White people getting mauled by animals is entertainment, not seeing them cry on cue because they are “sad” which isn’t allowed to be an emotion for white people because you are FUCKING WHITE. I look at being White and unhappy the same way I look at women being broke: it is your own fucking fault. Just like if ladies are broke they aint trying (Pussy and its illusion will always sell. Not to me, but so some lonely fuck out there) the same goes for White people. Being White is like being a 7-foot Black dude in the projects: if you aint ballin then you aint trying. So I could give a fuck about reality TV because that shit aint reality. I’ve seen The Real World film in Denver (I was in the background on 16th Street Mall and at the Monarch. I’m….so lame) and aint nothing real about it. It is filmed like your everyday, run of the mill TV show except with a lower budget and more stupidity since there are no scripts. Don’t forget: Hitler loved the MTV. You’re better than Hitler….aren’t you?

Issue #2: Ayo, Technology. USE IT, BITCHES!

So today on my way to the store when I saw a bike at a stoplight on Murray and something (Before Pikes Peak but after Galley I think) and there was a bike there. At the light. Waiting for it to turn green. Well, after a full cycle his light didn’t turn green and he got all pissy and looked at me and motioned if he could cross the intersection. Now disregard the fact I had THE GREEN FUCKING LIGHT and green means move your ass. There was other traffic to adhere to for one and for two YOU ARE A FUCKING BIKE. Understand one thing, bike riders:

YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAR. Let me elaborate for you brain-dead shits. In the battle between cars and bikes…CARS WIN, ASSHAT! I do not understand who bike riders think they are expecting to have the same rights as a car. It is like Blacks in the South: there are a lot of ways things SHOULD be but at the end of the day you are the minority. Deal with it; you do not have the same rights so either go somewhere that you do (LIKE THE FUCKING SIDEWALK….or Oregon. Fucking hippies) or understand your place. You are not as big as a car but you are bigger than a person. Run the sidewalk and leave the streets to things with motors and four tires (Or two REAL tires like some motorcycles). Oh, and keep scooters of my streets. Yes you save gas but if you can’t go over 40 without fishtailing then maybe you need to take that 10 horsepower piece of crap back to the factory. Yet if I run them off the road, I’M the bad guy for eliminating the blood clots of society. Where is the justice?!

Issue #3: For Some Reason….I Hate Miami.

I am not sure why, either. I think it has to do with the shittiest music movement since all rappers trying to copy MC Hammer. There is only one Hammer. After the “Turn This Mutha Out” video everyone from LL Cool J to Big Daddy Kane was trying to fucking dance in their videos. It was not a good time for hip hop. Now it seems we are back at a crossroads that I thought we passed but lo and behold we have the movement of the Miami (Or just Florida in general) rap scene into the forefront and all I can say is I really wish they would just go the hell back. Let’s look at the last major hip hop movement from a city: Chicago.

Kanye West: Say what you will about his arrogance and ill-timed and ill-informed politics there are few better on the mic.
Common: Arguably the best pure lyricist of the Chicago movement. Quietly released two great albums over the last four years.
Lupe Fiasco: After an album that went over most hip hop fans heads in “Food & Liquor” he has mixed up a little bit of pop and grind into an individual sound that works for everyone.
GLC: SO UNDERRATED! Not as talented as the rest of those from The Chi, but he can hold his own against any fucktard that came from St. Louis. Chingy and Huey…..I am so looking at you.

Instead we are stuck with a slew of shitty….SHITTY rappers that followed Trick Daddy (Who actually has his moments….just not many) and Pitbull (Who I actually like. CULO!) that leave a lot to be desired. The desire that they DIDN’T SUCK. Let’s have a rundown

Rick Ross: Thinks he is The Notorious BIG, more like a Guerllia Black with worse flow. Rhyming “back” with “back?” FUCK YOU, NIGGA. And wear a fucking shirt. You are scaring the children.
Flo-Rida: *Sigh* Where do I start with this? He is like….Nelly with male pattern baldness. “Low” was catchy until they started using it for home re-consolidation commercials and became Dick Cheney’s ringtone and now all of his songs sound the same. Because they are the same. Have to admit, he is catchy but so were Hitler’s speeches. I’m just saying.
DJ KHALED: What….exactly does this man do? Also, this kick of Puerto Ricans or whatever in the hell he is saying “nigga” has to end with Fat Joe. He was the first to do it in a major way so it is too late to stop him now but he needs to cut back, too. Someone needs to slap the shit out of Khaled for being the new millennium DJ Clue. Fuck him, too.
Plies: You ugly, mush-mouthed motherfucker. Way to dumb down Black males and show that we are nothing more than goons, thugs and most importantly pants sagging coons. Check out his wordplay:

Hey feds, heard your bringing my name up. No you want me to die think I give a f**k (f**k). Better date me now before my price go up (up). Came in the world thuggin, leaving with big nuts (nuts). yah I run with killas homie so what, what you want me to tell sold you to lil dust? Sitting on your foreign, I bet he leave butts Ain't scared to go I believe in jesus.

Um…yeah. Nothing I can say can top that. Niggerdom at its finest. If you like Plies you should be shot in the fucking face. Have you seen his big lipped, masked “Goon” chain? My god….you just R. Kelly’d on the movement you fuck.

All of the Florida rappers to come out fucking suck. Understand something and understand it good: hip hop is like football. It isn’t THAT hard. They act like it is so difficult and they are so much better than us mere mortals but at the end of the day I even I can get four yards a carry behind the right offensive line. If you aren’t going to try to be any good then don’t get pissy when people call you out for being a suckass. In hip hop being rich means you are good which is SO not true but you can’t tell those cockmongers that so I give up. I officially hate rap again.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be up tomorrow but the Countdown will be on Friday as scheduled. I am seeing Wall-E (and maybe “Wanted” depending on when I go) on Friday and I’m helping Copper move on Saturday so if anyone wants to hit up the D&B on Sunday let me know. I needs me some fun after this week. Peace out, ya’ll.

Chachi Out.

BOOGIE BOTS IN THE HOUSE!!

Well, no time like the present so lets get this party started!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin….with a video I didn’t want to put on here….

20. Wonder Girls – So Hot (New Entry)

We begin with a song I fought hard against putting on here. Now this song is catchy as all hell and I have been unable to get this song out of my head for about a month. But I mean…it’s JYP. I really don’t like him. But the song is catchy and the video is…yeah. You + me = jailtime. IM KIDDING!
19. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #17, One Week at #1)
SO the new Foxxi MisQ video has grown on me over the last few days. Which is good because this former number one is on its way out.
18. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (New Entry)

Online Videos by Veoh.com
HELL HAS OFFICIALLY FROZEN OVER! Seamo has finally made the Countdown after being my sworn enemy for years! Those of you that know me are aware that I HATED his verse on Bennie K’s “Love Story” and wanted him dead. He has since grown on me and has since actually has become a fav of mine. This video is pretty bad ass and the song is great to boot. Hell, if Soulja Boy can make it….anyone can. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?! I was so high…
17. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #14)
I looks like Lupe is on his way out. However, a CRS album should be coming at the end of summer so I am no longer a sad panda!
16. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #19)
HAMC move up three spots this week as they attempt to duplicate the amazing success of…”Amazing.” They all can’t be gold.
15. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #12)
The Arc continues to fall! I need something new from these guys. I was spoiled because they had a shitload of work after their “hiatus” but I hope they don’t take a break. I needs my Hyde!
14. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #11)
Colbie falls another three spots this week after a short run in the Top 10. Anyone noticed her eyes are really, really…..funny looking? I’m sorry….just noticing.
13. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13)

Uh-oh. UVERworld stalls this week at UNLUCKY NUMBER THIRTEEN!! Or not, I don’t remember but this doesn’t bode well for The World, especially since they are trying to get back to the top.
12. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #6, One Week at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
Kanye falls a HUGE six spots this week and out of the Top 10 for the first time in almost two months! It has been a good twelve months for Kanye, let’s see if he can bounce back from the boo-bird incident.
11. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #15)

BACK-ON is flying high! On their first time out they are one step away from the Top 10. Not bad for these guys. Could they be the next UVERworld? We will have to see! We are down to 10!
10. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #8, Three Weeks at #1)
And we begin with a former number one! Usher and Young Jeezy fall two more spots this week as we look at maybe an Artist of the Year nomination for the Prince of R&B. It has only been a few months but he has a good run going…
9. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #9)
See, this is what we call a sophomore jinx. Namie Amuro had it, The Arc had it and Lupe Fiasco had it. When you have an awesome first video the second usually stalls and “Niji” is no case as it spends its second week at number nine. Can it move upward next week?
8. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
MORE USHER! Usher moves up the most spaces this week since nobodyknows+ moved up 13 places to the number one spot last summer. I LOVE THIS SONG. Because…I just like it okay. I am a sad panda.
7. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #10)

Time to play the Game! The Game moves up three more spots this week as my favorite summer time jam is riding high. Can I just say that the remix of “Ain’t Saying Nothing” with Lil’ Wayne and The Game is pretty bad ass? I mean….Fat Joe has gotten good. Seriously.
6. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #6)
In a shocker, Chris Brown stalls after being the biggest mover last week. I really don’t know why I don’t listen to him more. I mean….he isn’t THAT bad. I have a thing against his WHOLE first album but the second one isn’t bad at all. Give it a whirl.
5. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #3)
After holding on to the number three spot for two weeks it looks like Kelun is falling down. Screw that, THREE WEEKS UNTIL CHU-BURA IS RELEASED!!! FUCK YES!!
4. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #5)

Paramore is quietly moving up ONCE AGAIN! After “Misery Business snuck up on everyone last year and almost took the top spot its hard to see how they could do it again. But they did, as they move up a spot to number four and kind of hang around. But we are now down to three!
3. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)

TK may have a new video out now but his first number one video falls another spot from number two. Anyone know whether this means a new album because it if does…..SLUMBER PARTAY!!!
2. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #4)
Mmmm! Miss Alicia moves ONE STEP AWAY from her third straight number one video! Yui couldn’t do it, UVERworld couldn’t do it and John Legend accomplished it BARELY. It is hard to do but can she make it three straight number one videos? To do so, the fine Alicia Keys will have to knock off our reigning queens…
1. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

YA-KYIM holds on for a second week! I am so in love with these ladies and….that is it. I just love them. This song is catchy and this video is HOT. Tow VERY GOOD REASONS this video is number one for a second week! SUPER!

That is all for this week! Can YA-KYIM hold on to the top spot for a third week? Or will Alicia Keys capture her third number one video? Or can KT and Misia return to the top spot and capture THEIR third week? Find out in seven days!

Well, I am out. Tonight I think I am going to see “Get Smart” for the fine, fine Anne Hatheway and that fine, fine Dwayne Johnson. What? Oh, don’t go hating. I will try to be back up on Saturday or Sunday but until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

I.....HATE....LIL' MAMA!

My god, I hope Lil Mama doesnt vote for President. She would probably vote for T-Pain. HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU VOTE FANNY PAK OVER DISTORTED X?! WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANIE?!

Now dont get me wrong, Xtreme Dance Suckass SHOULD have been in the bottom (Dont blame me, I voted for SUPER CR3W!) two but to send a team that was technically better home over a crew that I will admit is novel and good at what they do but not BETTER is stupid. Distorted X could have done Fanny Pak’s routine, but could the reverse happen? I honestly don’t think so.

Secondly, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS FANNY PAK DOING?! There is a reason the only good thing from the 80's was cartoons, toys and Rick Astley. The 80’s sucked, it is the butt of all jokes and only known for crack and the Cosby Show. They are BreakSk8 of Season 2: good at what they do but not better than their competition at DANCING. Now I am not a professional but looking at all the crews what does Fanny Pak do that is SO special over the others (Except Xtreme Dance Ball-lickers)? NOTHING! Gawd….I hate Lil’ Mama so much. You are usurping the will of the fucking people by having a dance-off that the Electoral Dance College of suck chooses the winner! Could you imagine that shit is it was during the Democratic Primaries?! Dennis Kucinich would have been voted back in EVERY FUCKING WEEK! That my friends is bullshit and destroying America….’s Best Dance Crew. As for JC….you were looking tres gay tonight. Good work on that one.

So I am saying it right here and right the fuck now. If you want to fight about it BRING IT because I will own your face but…

SUPER CR3W’s performance tonight OWNED everything the Jabawockeez and everyone else in Season One ever fucking did.

My god….B-BOY NINJAS?! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! My brain could NOT REGISTER THE AWESOME! My ears are bleeding….I may need to go to the hospital. That shit was so tight that I can say nothing else. I am voting for Super Cr3w twelve times because they were that bad ass. It hurts because I am all about the Boogie Bots (DID YOU SEE THE SUPER SENTAI INTRO?! AWESOME!) but Super Cr3w killed it. Literally, three people are in the hospital now from awesomeness overdoses. Sounds cool, but it is actually a serious problem. I almost died of it during the Jabawockeez MJ performance in Season One. I was okay, I just watched some BreakSk8 and I was okay. God I hated them. Well the stage has been set and the expectations have been created. Super Cr3w, So Real Crew and Boogie Bots are the teams to beat. Soul Selection is….overrated or just sandbagging. Not sure yet, I think it is the latter and next week they are going to rape my cat because this week was good but seemed a bit too….withdrawn. Something tells me they will murder it next week. A.S.I.I.D. is playing the handi-card which is cool, I would do it if I could. In the end, they remind me of Status Quo sans stunts. Which means they have to grow as a crew real fast because I am not a fan right now. Overall, it was a great show. Minus Fanny Pak and Xtreme Dance Ass-fucking Shitball Asshats. THEY SUCK.

That is all for now. Back to the replay!!

Chachi Out

I Am One Sad, Sad Panda...

AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW TONIGHT! YO PUNK ASS BETTER WATCH IT! I AM TOTALLY THERE, BITCHES!!

Yeah that is some solace in an otherwise bad week. Man, I am at one of those crossroads again as I have to choose between being happy or being…..well, unfulfilled. Most of you know that I am not one of those people that sits back and does a job solely to do the shit. I left the Devil’s Anal Cavity after…two weeks or so because I don’t believe in the collective. I left that insurance place because…wait, I don’t even think THEY knew I worked there. “Where is that Black dude that sat in that chair for a day? Was he the new janitor? He had an attitude problem…”

Now I am back at that moment YET AGAIN as I wonder is learning a new skill set worth completely changing how I am and what I do best: KEEP IT REAL. Okay, that is too vague but I likes that phrase. In all seriousness, I am at the point where I was in….1999 when my old school closed down and I didn’t have a career path. Now I have one but I have totally jumped down another route and after hearing that I am completely blowing the burro at this point I am having second thoughts about myself and my skills for the first time since I started playing Tecmo Bowl for the NES:

Fuck Christian Okoye. FUCK HIM IN HIS HEAD. Yeah, that is exactly how I feel right now. Like I am being bowled over by a big-ass African and all that stands between my death and my permanent paralysis (Yes, this is really a lose-lose situation. Get me some soju and I will tell you about it) is my wits. Problem is my wits can’t stop this problem because it is a BIG ASS AFRICAN BARRELING DOWN ON MY ASS LIKE I AM A FUCKING SANDWICH IN ETHIOPIA! Not sure what I am going to do to overcome this one, peeps.

*Sigh*

Combine that with being caught in a glass case of emotion and damnit….this is NOT the Perfect Situation:

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I led love down the drain

There's the pitch, slow and straight
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero
But I'm a zero

Hungry nights once again
Now it's getting unbelievable
Cause I could not have it better
But I just can't get no play

From the girls all around
As they search the night
For someone to hold on to
And just pass through

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Get your hands off the girl
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this
Excess company

Though I can't satisfy
All the needs she has
And so she starts to wander
Can you blame her?

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Tell me there's a logic out there
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come

Tell me there's some hope for me
I don't want to be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth

Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Man….this is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG year. Luckily, I HAVE AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW TO KEEP ME COMPANY! DO NOT BUG ME TONIGHT! As watching it will odds are be the only smile I will have. Because I am a sad….sad panda.

Chachi Out.

I'm An Animaniac! I'm Taking Pills And Therapy For It...

What is up peeps?! I am back and I am feeling a little better after yesterday’s debacle of a day. Nowhere near as bad as the shitstorm of fury I had that was Monday but not much better. Man, this summer better go uphill from here.

So today I wanted to try something today that I haven’t done yet. I wanted to do this in 2006 but I just never found the time to do it but I have decided that maybe now is a good time to do so. As you all know, I am a huge fan of the anime and a HUGE fan of the J-Pop. Since they kind of go hand in hand now, there are some songs that can make or break a series to the point that it makes a bad series good (Or watchable in the case of Blood+) or a good series very, VERY bad such as Suzaka (Which I liked but MAN that song sucked ass). So, I decided to rank my favorite opening themes ever! So here is…

Chachi’s Top 10 Anime Series Opening Themes of All Time!!!

First off, this is for a SERIES of openings so the first rule of this ranking is there has to be more than two opening themes for the series. This was hard to do because there are so many series with only one or two opening themes that KICK ASS but to stay fair I had to have some rules to this thing. So, here are some Honorable Mentions (Some would actually top this bad boy if it was just for individual themes):

Neon Genesis Evangelion (I may not have creamed over the show like a lot of anime fans but I have always been a fan of the soundtrack and felt it fit the series well. The Para Para version by Yoko Ishida….AWESOME!)

Cowboy Bebop (Yoko Kanno’s FINEST FUCKING WORK!! “Piano Black” redefined would could be considered an opening. I like everyone else had the initial “What the fuck” moment but after listening I knew this was the mad notes.)
Peach Girl (Fuck you, I likes me some Meg Rock. You don’t like this opening there is something wrong with YOU, fucky!)
Darker Than Black (Abingdon Boys School and Antic Café. NUFF FUCKING SAID, BITCHES!)
Love Hina (Yeah, a little peppy tune that got me in the mood for the series. Little known fact: I am not really a big fan of Love Hina. Tenchi Muyo did it and a lot better, too. But I still give the opening its props)
Lucky Star (Yeah, another song with Aya on it. Yes, I love her and she loves me. That and this song is happy action fun time goodness)
Revoltionary Girl Utena (A little guilty pleasure of mine. Toe tapping goodness although I don’t believe I have seen all of the series)
Air Gear (FUCK YES! BACK-ON IN YOUR MOTHER FUCKING FACE! This was the only reason I watched “Air Gear” and I ended up enjoying it. Now I am a huge fan of the band. See, it can all be cosmic)
Great Teacher Onizuka (Okay, I will admit that I am not a big fan of the second opening theme but “Driver’s High” WILL end up getting me a ticket one of these days. AWESOMENESS!)
Samuari Champaloo (A little biased but “Battlecry” may be my favorite opening EVER. There is nothing but good with this song and really made watching the show at TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING tolerable. Love that jam)
Chobits (FUCK YES. FUCK YES! FUCK YES!!!)

Now there are more that didn’t make the cut and I will get to them another day. Now here are a few mentions for anime with enough openings but JUST didn’t make the cut…

Honorable Mentions!

One Piece (The Japanese version of the music, not that audio rape that was the American rap shit. Yi-yo my fucking fat Black ass. Topped off by D-51’s “Brand New World” which was FUCKING TITS! Best shit ever but even with all the songs they had, still behind some really good stuff)
Gintama (HEARTS GROW, BITCHES! That was later in line, I believe the 4th, but I am all about that opening. Even made me go back and download some original episodes and it was really bad ass from the…three episodes I saw. I kind of suck)
Keroro Gunso (Sgt. Frog is teh awesome when it comes to endings and the openings are great, too. Kind of quirky but what in Japan isn’t?)
Naruto (WHAT?! Okay, let me explain. The openings for Naruto have ranged from AWESOME with Flow and Nobodyknows+ to average with Sambomaster to just ANNOYING with Long Shot Party and that “No Boy, No Cry” song. Which grew on me but you have no idea how much I fucking hated that song so it didn’t move up really far. Besides, shit gets GOOD from this point out.
Urusei Yatsura (KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL! This was one of the first anime I saw when I returned to the states and albeit was about 10 years old I was in LOVE with the opening themes. “Lum’s No Love Song” was fucking bad ass!)
Eureka Seven (Tough name to pronounce, kick ass music to listen to. From Flow to Nirgilis the music was the only reason I got into the show.

There are more that deserve recognition and if you have some that deserve shout out in your opinion let me know. Until then, let’s get this thing started!!

THE TOP TEN!

10. Full Metal Alchemist

Best Opening: “Ready Steady Go!” by L’Arc~en~Ciel
Worst Opening: “Undo” by Cool Joke
What Makes It Great: As one who was getting this ALMOST when it was coming out in Japan and being subbed and distributed via MiRC (OLD SCHOOL) I was all over this anime and “Melissa” by Porno Grafitti is the only reason I know the five words of Japanese I know now. “Rewrite” by AKFG is arguably my favorite song by them and the only real weak like is Cool Joke’s “Undo” because after The Arc…you gotta come hard. Still a great library.

9. Blood+

Best Opening: “Season’s Call” by Hyde (ARGUABLE!!!)
Worst Opening: “Raion” by Jinn
What Makes It Great: The four openings were the ONLY REASON I sat through this fucking show. Eat my ass I thought Blood+ was boring as shit when it was dubbed and the sub was only marginally better because Diva was creepy. “Aozora no Namida” was a great way to begin the series seeing as how it made you forget the SHOW HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE IT FUCKING CAME FROM. “Colors Of The Heart” was your standard UVERworld goodness (they are on here a few times…get used to it) and even though I didn’t like “Raion” it grows on you after a while. Too bad the show sucks too much to care. Just get the CD and skip the show.

8. Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex

Best Opening: Inner Universe (AWESOME!)
Worst Opening: Christmas in the Silent Forest (NOT QUITE AS AWESOME!)
What Makes It Great: I have been about trance since my old school rave days and it was interesting to see how much of the music from the initial movie made it into the few all-nighters in Aurora I went to back in the day. All I have to say is that “Inner Universe” is the model that shows like Gantz and Elfen Lied should have used to build their music rather than the crap they used. RADIOHEAD?! Fuck off! Sadly there are only three opening themes but the in-show music is well worth the listen.

7. Initial D

Best Opening: “Noizy Tride” (I don’t know why….I love this song)
Worst Opening: “Noizy Tride” (This was the ONLY SONG THAT PLAYED in the fucking video game at the mall. Personally pettiness I admit.)
What Makes It Great: Okay, I will admit I didn’t really like Initial D the SHOW but I was a fan of the soundtrack. I used to play the game all the time in college (Where I was instead of meeting ladies but Initial D doesn’t judge me) and the soundtrack LITERALLY rocked the Citadel Mall. Thumping for your ass! Now the music much like the show is an acquired taste and I haven’t seen many episodes (Just five at Zach’s house and maybe three at Ted’s during an Invader Zim marathon break) and I wasn’t impressed by what I saw. But the music is massive! Restecpa!

6. Gundam Series (Gundam Seed, Gundam Seed Destiny, Gundam_00, Gundam Wing)

Best Opening: “IGNITED” BY TM REVOLUTION, BITCHES!! FEEL THE AWESOME!!
Worst Opening: You know I have never been a fan of “Our Whereabouts” by Hitomi Takahashi.
What Makes It Great: Now Gundam the SHOW has always been hit or miss for me. I kind of liked Seed, DESPISED Wing and was indifferent about Destiny (I LOVED Gundam_00, BTW until the decided to license it). What puts it at number six is that it is either really AWESOME or really just bad. I love TM Revolution’s openings (“Invoke” and “Ignited”) as well as L`Arc~en~Ciel’s “DAYBREAK’S BELL” but Nami Tamaki’s older work was not my cup of tea and I felt it didn’t really…fit. She picks herself up later though. Really great catalog of work in the Gundam series.

5. Bleach

Best Opening: (TIE) “Alones” by Aqua Timez and “D-Technolife” by UVERworld
Worst Opening: I guess “Ichirin No Hana” by HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR. Once again, this is a reach.
What Makes It Great: Well, you knew this was going to end up here. Let’s just break it down:

1. Orange Range’s “Asterisk” – HELL YES!
2. UVERworld’s “D-Technolife” – FUCK YES!
3. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR’s “Ichirin No Hana” – YES!
4. BEAT CRUSADERS “TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT” – HELL YES!
5. Yui’s “Rolling Star” – OH MY GOD! IT FEELS SO GOOD!!
6. Aqua Timez’s “Alones” – I JUST CAN’T STOP!
7. Asian Kung Fu Generation’s “After Dark” – WHY CAN’T I STOP?!
8. Kelun’s “CHU-BURA” – SHIT! I JUST GOT A TOWEL!

That sums it up….very through ally.

4. Slayers Series (Slayers & Slayers Try)

Best Opening: “Get Along” by Megumi Hayashibara (THAT’S ALL IT NEEDS, FUCKASS!)
Worst Opening: FUCK YOUR FACE! I WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN, ASSFUCK!
Okay….I had to cheat a little because there is only one opening per series (Someone correct me on this if I am wrong) but I don’t fucking care. IT IS MEGUMI HAYASHIBARA! She is the Japanese Kristen Chenoweth! That in itself put the Slayers library on here and then you have to remember that “Get Along” may be the most awesome song composed by man. If you don’t think so….I will gouge your fucking eyes out.

3. Yakitate!! Japan

Best Opening: “Promise” by TiA (It makes me smile…)
Worst Opening: Um….you know this one is three for three. I wasn’t a fan of “Houkigumo” by Rythem when I got it from Zach but it grew on me and now I love it.
What Makes It Great: Now I am more of a fan of the ending themes for this show but that shows you how much the opening themes rule your face. All three themes are awesome and the opening sequences in my opinion are the best since the openings for Lupin (THOSE ARE KICKING IT…OLDEST SCHOOL. Almost) and that is saying something. My favorite is STILL “Chiisana Uta” by Maria as there is nothing better than that song in the summertime.

2. Ranma ½

Best Opening: Omoide ga Ippai (The third opening….I so love that song)
Worst Opening: Zettai! (DEBATABLE! I had to pick one so this is the one I could live without.)
What Makes It Great: It is classic! The songs were performed (Almost exclusively) by the seiyuu in the show which is something rarely seen anymore (Lucky Star and Melancholy I believe were the last) and to me makes it worthy of this spot alone. From the series openings to even the OVA openings they ALL RULED YOUR FACE! There were a few that I wasn’t a fan of (Mostly the last three but at that point they kind of pulled a Quantum Leap and strayed WAAAAAAAY too far from the plot) but those that I was a fan of were AWESOME. So why is it at number two? Because there were a few misses in this extensive catalog of music. While the show at number one may shock you….the total body of work KICKS ASS…

1.D. Gray Man

Best Opening: “Innocent Sorrow” by “Abingdon Boys School (Well, this thing is over.)
Worst Opening: Um….well….I guess none so far.
What Makes It Great: Yes, go ahead and be shocked. Most of you may have never watched or heard of D. Gray Man and since I lost my original hard drive I have been catching and have been getting caught up on the manga over the interweb. However, the music is SCANDAL PROOF! There isn’t a weak link in the bunch! First off you have “Innocent Sorrow” by Abingdon Boys School which pretty much locks down number one. Then the big shocker in “Brightdown” by Nami Tamaki. THIS SONG ROCKS YOUR FUCKING FACE! After annoying me with her Gundam songs this completely turned me around to her and even made me pick up her album (Fricking YesAsia…). Then came "Doubt & Trust" by Access and I said to myself “HOLY SHIT! This show is meh but these songs KICK ASS!” because that song does indeed kick ass. Then they bring out the new UVERworld (Third time they are on here, btw) single “Geikido” and all I can say is HELL YES. It is new compared to some of these other shows (GITS, Ranma ½, Initial D, Gundam Series) but it holds its own with four of the most kick ass anime opening themes EVER!

Well, I left out a lot of stuff because there is WAY too much awesomeness to remember. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know and I will see about making some changes. Until then, I needs me some food. Stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Alcohol: Helping Women Think They Can Dance Since....Betsy Ross?

What is up, people?! I am back on the scene and boy today was fucked up. I got a crack in my winshield and I am not sure when because it wasn’t there this morning and I saw it when I got off of work. Nothing pisses me off more than a cracked windshield and this will be the second one I have had on a car while I WASN’T EVEN DRIVING IT. Fuck me standing sideways, I am so pissed off about that.

I couldn’t stay mad for too long because my show is back in exactly THREE DAYS! Thursday night, if anyone is down, I have the grandest idea EVER. I was thinking about it while looking at liquor today and it hit me. So I give to the peeps, my next great idea….

America’s Best Dance Crew’s Drinking Game Extravaganza!!!

So a lot of these are in progress and I hope to have something officially set up by Week 2 (Maybe week Three, it’s going to be a minimum of 11 weeks this season) where we the fans can put this in action. However, here are some of my ideas:

ABDC Drinking Game 1: Head Spin Shooting Spree!

So this one is going to be simple: whenever someone does a headspin, you take a shot. Plain and simple. This will be rough when the breakers come on but that is the point of a drinking game: to get stone cold blitzed! My second idea was to slam a random bomb (Non-Jager) before the headspin was finished but like I said this is a work in progress. Besides, did you see that headspin Chris from Jaba did in the season finale? That would be like 4 Tuaca Bombs! SIGN ME UP!

ABDC Drinking Game 2: Too Drunk To Function!

This is a two-fold game: whenever JC says or is on screen dressed in something that is so gay it fucks up your reception, you have to take a drink. I would say a shot but….he is way too gay for a shot each time he says something or is seen wearing something fruit-tastic. I mean I am doing this for fun, not to get drunkenly groped by the ladies. Been there, done that, had the herpes scares (Ugh….more than three) to prove it). I like this one because you could even be forced to drink a frou frou drink. Appletini anyone? It’s fabooo!

ABDC Drinking Game 3: Lil’ Mama Must Be Drunk!

Okay, I am looking forward to this one. Every time Lil Mama butchers the English language (Which is a WHOLE-FUCKING-LOT) a drink has to be taken. Again, a shot is WAAAAAAAAAY too much for her poor grammar and like I said before this isn’t about alcohol poisoning. This is about enjoying the greatest show about dancing since Fame!

I want to live forever!

ABDC Drinking Game 4: Let The Past Go, Man!

This one is interesting. Whenever a crew is either compared to or takes a move from a previous dance crew you have to take a shot. This won’t happen a lot which is why a shot is in order…unless you are Soul Selection who will steal everything Jaba ever did and try to improve on it because they are that damn brash. Also, if a crew takes a move that another one does on THE SAME EPISODE and does it better, everyone takes a shot and yells “YOU GOT SERVED!” I just want to yell that is all.

Those are just a few of my ideas. They aren’t very well thought out or….good but I just thought it would be something fun for the legal people out there. Not that I would do any of these. I have found religion now. Everyone, bow your heads and pretend to be serious. Please turn to the Book of Diz from the Church of The New Guy:

You looking at my Janet?!

Oh, one last thing. As you all know, last week R. Kelly was found not guilty of (Among other things) sexual misconduct with a minor and premeditated urination. Now I for one hoped beyond hope this dumb ass nigga would go to jail if for nothing else then for being a dumbass. However, he has gotten off and that is something I and the youth of America will have to accept. With that being said…

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH AMERICA?!

Listen, I never thought that he was innocent at any point in time given his track record. I also felt that that dumb ass girl needed to move out of the way if she didn’t want to be peed on. This is part of a larger problem: people videotaping themselves having sex. Now maybe it is just sour grapes because everyone else has had more sex than me. Oooohhhhh. Even with that being a little true (Not much, gone this long without going to the GOOD promised land and I haven’t killed anyone) I really am getting sick of people saying their privacy was invaded when they took the time out to FILM THEMSELVES HAVING SEX. Sometimes with a minor to whom I say Rob Lowe YOU ARE GOD….I mean bad. When you film yourself having sex you are pretty much withdrawing the right to say you are violated should that take be shown to the public. Now if it is filmed without your consent that is completely different as you agreed to nothing and that is pretty much voyeurism…which I have NEVER engaged in. Today, anyway. When you film acts like this, with a MINOR no less you are unable to claim violation of any form. The only people violated were the people that paid for the bootleg of that cassette because it was NOT worth the $25 people paid for it. Not that I have seen it or anything….but that was him. Mole my ass, R. Kelly is a god damn pisser and we let him loose to let loose on children. Lock up your daughters, R. Kelly is free and ready to pee:

Nasty nigga. I am so out of here. I will be back up tomorrow. ABDC on THURSDAY!!! DON’T MISS IT!

Chachi Out.

The Dream Will Never Die....

So after having two members leave the band, I have decided to move on. A2B is back in effect! The boy band of the new generation is back like cooked crack! New members and a new sound! Problem is....there are only TWO members now (Three if you count Joey...which I cant because I dont think he can sing or dance) which means that we could only be at best Wham! which isn’t BAD but you know....we're straight.

With that being said, I am open to new members. Preferably Asians because we are totally going after that Big Bang/Rain/Se7en crowd overseas. Also, I need to get up on my funky fresh dance moves. This band is going to be all about getting loose. To accomplish this, I am going to need to recruit new members. We could also use another Black guy; those are in after the whole Obama running for President. Also, because of a little EEO situation in my hiring practices from 2007, the courts have decided that not only do I have to put a NEGRO in my group I also have to bring in a skirt. Yes, there may be a female member in A2B. So ladies, when I hold auditions you are free and able to join in. Only if you dance and look like this:

If you can, you are officially the most talented and you are IN. If you are Namie Amuro….I LOVE YOU.

I know having a female member defeats the term "boy band" but hey, I'm all about the dream. The dream of being knee deep in Japanese schoolgirls. Is that so wrong? No. Illegal in the US and A, yes....but not wrong in Japan. More details coming soon but know this….

A2B IS BACK, BABY!