Another Day Older, Another Day I Wish Flanders Were Dead...

Okay, I am back up for a little something-something. Almost bedtime though because I have been tired AS FUCK the last few mornings.

Random Thought #1: Putting Lime In A Beer Doesn’t Make It Better. It’s Just Lime Piss.

Okay, first off let it be known that I DO NOT LIKE BEER. I can tolerate a Blue Moon because I pretty much lived off of it for a while (Aahhh, the Happy Hours on Friday when I was at The Q. Those were the…drunken…halcyon days) but aside from an occasional Asahi/Sapporo (Or Ichiban. Now THAT is some good drinkin!) I really hate beer. It is fucking nasty and the people that say it is “tasty” are devoid of any kind of palette and have had it desensitized due to the years of PBR and Nati Ice. What I don’t understand are the “premium” beers that still must taste like shit. Budweiser Select is still Budweiser which means it tastes like mid-life crisis and poor fathering. Miller High Life is the nastiest beer I have ever had and I only enjoyed it as I attempted to drown my sorrows in 2005 when the Philadelphia Eagles and Atlanta Falcons played in the NFC Championship Game. After about 5 pitchers, anything tastes good.

What really gets me is the lime in the beer. Now I will put an orange slice in my Blue Moon but that is because it is already there when I get it. Now I am not a beer aficionado so I am unsure why people do that it is there and I figure why the hell not. The lime in the Mexican beer is understandable because they are a weird people. Ever celebrated that “Day of the Dead” holiday of theirs? Fucked up shit. Putting a lime in a Corona or a Negra Modelo (Another beer I can stand but don’t necessarily like) and other Mexican beers (Which I don’t drink)…

HOLY SHIT! CHRIS JERICHO JUST MARTY JANETTY’D SHAWN MICHAELS!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY!!

Sorry, I just like seeing Shawn Michaels get what is coming to him. Y2J! Y2J! Y2J! Bret Hart is proud of you. My bad, back on the beer. Putting lime in Mexican beers is okay because it is custom I think. Just like Speedy Gonzalez and being sleepy. They are a people deep in tradition of…drinking which brings on sleeping. Wow, circle of life. Anyway, can someone tell me who thought it was a good idea to put lime in Miller Beer?

Okay, let’s do some math here:

PISS + LIME + DOUCHEBAG = LIMEY PISSANT FUCK

That pretty much covers it. Beer is bad. Shitty beer is bad enough. Adding a lime just makes it pisstris nastyness. Wow…piss + citrus = pistriss. I AM AWESOME!

Random Thought #2: Pimp My Daughter: K-Pop Style!

Okay, I will be the first to admit my love for Hinoi Team and take myself to task that they are well underage. Well, in JAPAN they are good and legal. Here, they are good and legal if I pee on them and dammit, I am not that kind of pervert. Anyway, I have been listening to Wonder Girls for a while and I really liked “Tell Me” and “Irony” but never saw the videos of them so I had no idea what they looked like or even did. So a few months ago I saw the “Tell Me” video:

O…..kay? Not as sexful as some of the other girl groups out there that are a tad older (Tenjo Chiki, Jewelry, etc) but still a little bit on the risqué end of the spectrum. And what was up with the hentai in the locker hopping out and showing his nasties?! I know “hentai” is Japanese but I don’t remember the Korean word for “nasty ass old man showing his googly giggidy to teenage girls.” So despite the adult-like wears they are still dressing their age with isn’t saying much because girls their age dress like skanks. Compared to their age group, they are actually dressed rather concervatively. Now…check out their latest video for “So Hot”:

First off….DAMN THIS SONG IS FUCKING AWESOME! I don’t know why, but this song is the shit! Catchy as HELL. I even know the first verse! I am so festive! Secondly…did you look at the lyrics? What in the hell are they, Pussycat Dolls: Seoul Patrol? That song is trifiling as hell! Not only that, why in the hell are they dancing like that? Now don’t get me wrong, I know they are no Kumi Koda or Namie Amuro. However, the dances are just….bad. Not even sexy as much as….Kids Incorporated bad. What is really weird is that three of the members are 18 or older (Sun Ye, Yeh Eun and Yoo Bin) while the other two are Hinoi-esque in their ages (Sun Mi is 16 and So Hee, the one who sang second….IS FIFTEEN!) and yet I don’t think anyone can tell. Can you?

Don’t pull the “all Asians look alike!” card because if can tell the difference between Japanese, Koreans and Chinese (Mainly because of imported porn, but hey it’s a skill) then you can. Can you tell which the jailbait? I thought so. That is wrong….so, so , so wrong-wrong. I know this is about money and getting fans but I think this is very right for them as an image. What do I know, though. They were brought to us by a professional, one Jin Young Park or JYP, the genius that brought us Rain:

WHOA, that is one ugly nigga! The man makes 50 Cent looks like Terrance Howard! I guess I know why he makes little girls act sexy for him…he is a fucking pervert. For shame, JYP! You sick, sick man! R. Kelly even finds you disgusting! Unless you pee on them, then I guess it’s cool. Hell, release an American language CD and you may get a Grammy out of it! Man….that was wrong.

Random Thought #3: Rebelde….GREATEST SHOW EVER THAT I DON’T COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!

Seriously… this show was so damn awesome it made me hit a second puberty. Roberta y Mia…tu Corazon es EN FUEGO!!!

Damn it, does anyone know these episodes? I am watching right now and I don’t need to skip to them but I need to know where to save up the lotion at. I kid, I kid. Seriously, though. This show was AWESOME. I know why Nolan went apeshit when they deleted his saved episodes at the Buy.

Well, I am out for now. I may not have a post up Wednesday because I plan on buying “The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment” on DVD Tuesday. Oh, and Boondocks Season Two comes out that day, too. I will be incommunicado for a while. IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LAOW….what the Chachi…is….cooking.

Chachi Out

Reading Is For Poor People!

Man, the weekend is over and it is off to fricking work. LAAAAAAAAAAME. Anyway, I have some good news. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was working on a “book” that was going to include new work and a collection of my blogs. Well, in between working, drinking sake (and soju of course) and my normal posts on the blog I have been putting work into some of the chapters (of which there will be 13 and I have thought of 8 so I am doing pretty good) and I even have some sections finished of some chapters. So what I give you now is the official first part of Chapter Two. Chapter One is the introduction for the most part….which I haven’t finished. NOT a good sign. Either way, I figure this is at LEAST a year long process. So here is the first two pages of the second chapter. Enjoy yo’self….

Chapter One: Who Needs Love When You Have Porn?

So I guess it is time to get started with this thing people will call a “book.” What better way to get started than focusing on the one thing that gives me joy yet vexes me so: porn. Now as we all know, porn is one of the few things I can look forward to in this great depression I call a life. I mean, I believe in mingling with the opposite sex just as much as the next male but at the end of the day sometimes we have to face it: sometimes it is more logical to watch a little bit of porn than to deal with the utter and complete idiocy that is a woman. As much as women bitch and moan about how men aint worth shit (I focus on that later. Be patient) you figure they would do the same. I am kind of talking about vibrators because women seem to think those are the end all be all of replacement for men because they don’t have the ingenuity to create Persacons (God bless the Japanese for sexual perversion!) or….anything for that matter. Still waiting for a female inventor. Blacks have you beat and that is SAD because the last thing a nigga invented was spinning rims and that STILL trumps all the innovations of women because at least spinnin rims were ballin. Anyway, I want to clear up some things about my usage of porn.

Porn Saves More Than Jesus Because He Can’t Masturbate

Okay, let me clarify one thing here: I don’t watch porn as a replacement for women. I believe that has become a myth/misconception of women over the last 10 years as they believe that everything is about them individually rather than as a whole. You even noticed that when a man is found to have porn by a girlfriend or wife they always ask:

“IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO LOOK LIKE?!”

Now some men will say yes and those are the men that have the problem in my opinion. Again, MY FUCKING OPINION. What women don’t realize is that most normal men don’t watch porn as a replacement for women. Now I will admit that some do. In a way, I can sympathize with them. They don’t want to take the time out to treat women in a kind and compassionate way because at the end of the day that shit doesn’t work. They also don’t want to treat women like shit because they were taught better than that and know that in the long run that isn’t a good way to treat someone. With that said I will admit that there are some men that use porn as an escape from actually going out and meeting real women which I think is a problem. And it is a problem I place solely on the shoulders of Jesus Christ.

Why? Well, because the majority of people out there believe in the King of the Jews and because of his misinterpreted and rather cheeba induced words people out there are scared to have ”teh sex” before they are married lest they go to Detroit….err…hell. When it all breaks down, if you believe in the Bible and the word-ah of Jesus-ah and Gawd-ah then you must wait until you get married in the eyes of the Lord-ah before you do the dirty deed-ah. Which creates people out there that are not having sex and looking to something to fill the void. Now some just fuck little boys but they are Catholics and they aren’t people as much as they are just evil, boy fucking pussies in big gay hats. Others look to a little something called porn. Now much like there are women that take advantage of men and give the rest of you a bad name there are men that watch porn and use that as their reference on how relationships with women should be. They give those of us porn watchers that can actually integrate with society a bad name. That name is pervert. Now I can accept being called a pervert for my Japanese schoolgirl fetish but I will NOT be vilified for my love of Jasmine Byrne and Nautica Thorn. That is prejudiced and wrong. WRONG!

What is even worse is being lumped in with the people that cross the line of what-that-fuck-ism. Now gay porn isn’t for me but if it is your thing then that is cool. But I have a message for you bestiality fans and furries out there. You sick fuckers are ruining porn for us normal, gang-bang supporting bukakke fans and making us look like you. I may like to see a little ATM every now and then but dammit I will not stand for you donkey-fucking, panda suit wearing freaks to make me look bad. You are disrespecting the fans and you are disrespecting the actresses of legitimate porn. Now you can disrespect me all you want but when you make it so that the artistry of Tia Tanaka and Rachel Starr is looked down upon I WILL NOT STAND BY! You sick little monkeys.

Not much but it is a start, IMHO. Be back later.

Chachi Out

And On The 7th Day....He Created THE FUNK. GET DOWN!

What is up peeps?! I am back to wrap up a rather eventful weekend and a rather lazy post yesterday. So away we go!

So on Friday, Zach and I went to see “Kung Fu Panda” and I have to say, it wasn’t bad. It was a hell of a lot better than the Indiana Jones movie but that aint saying much. God….that movie was ASS! It was also a lot better than Speed Race (A lot shorter, too) which puts it well below Iron Man for this summer but makes it the second best movie I have seen so far. I mean, until The Incredible Hulk on Friday. I am officially sold on this version of the movie:

Around March after only seeing teasers and reading about it I was under the inclination that this movie was going to be a gross disappointment. Instead this is looking like a thrilling action like the first one SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Like the Bourne Trilogy meets Transformers minus shaky cameras and Michael Bay being….Michael Bay. Anyone down to ride on Friday HOOK IT UP! HULK SMASH ON FRIDAY! HULK DRINK ON SATURDAY!

So to recap the Mindless Self-Indulgence concert on Saturday….

LOUD AS FUCKING HELL

I have always been a closet fan of industrial rock and my experience to MSI has been Zach, Anime music videos and video games. However, I thought it warranted a go since Zach decided to pull a me and buy tickets for a woman that said she wanted to go somewhere which ALWAYS results in her calling (Or in my case NOT CALLING. Bitch) and saying she can’t make it. It’s why I don’t buy bitches shit. I just pay the restaurant directly. So to keep it right on the homeboy side I decided to roll with him because as we all know, it’s homies over hoes:

Add in Joey for some Mormon salt (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m fun-nay!) and we had another Denver-time party. First off, I had never SEEN Mindless Self-Indulgence; just heard their music. I liked what I heard:

At the same time, I have always had a love/hate dynamic with live music of some genres. Hearing the live shows of The Roots and John Legend spoils listening to the album because the experience drops off some when you are not in that love environment. It is the exact opposite for industrial rock for me. I went to Dir En Grey in Denver when they were there with The Deftones (and I believe Staind but I am not sure. It was forever ago) and hearing them live was not as polished as the album because thrash metal (Which is what they could be considered being) sometimes is just loud clicks and beeps live. While I enjoyed MSI live, it was way too loud and I have never been a big fan of the acoustics of the Ogden Theater for really loud rock music. The close atmosphere was GREAT but the actual acoustics of the music left a lot to be desired. That is a picky point but when you can’t hear shit you kind of point that out. It is a thing you do before you go deaf, I guess. Overall, it was bad ass. Although if you ask me I will just pull a Lil Jon. WHAT? HUH? YEAH!

Okay, there is a question that I have to ask here. Now Zach and Joe both stated that I created a fact with this statement but I want to understand if I am right or not about this one. I have begin to notice that attractive women, and I use that term in description of the generic form of what men see as attractive, dress sexfully for attention. Without that attention they become weak about themselves and their perceived beauty. That is how they end up with a douchebag that is MORE THAN HAPPY to tell them how beautiful they are and they figure that “he thinks I am pretty and is validating me so he must be nice” or something along those lines not knowing that he is thinking “two more drinks and it is straight to the backdoor.” Now let me explain my theory.

Kanye West said it best: The ones highest up have the lowest self-esteem. Now I have explained the difference to most women about self-esteem and ego many times and they don’t get it. I explain it to most men and they don’t get it. So let me break this down for the mouth breathers:

Self-esteem: Your happiness with how you perceive yourself regardless of the attitudes or opinions of others about you or your actions.

Ego: How you think others should see you regardless of their opinions or attitudes about you or your actions.

You see, most pretty people have huge egos. They think the world sees them as the greatest thing since Japanese schoolgirl outfits and refuse to believe anything else. Those are the people that are usually bitchy or total douchebags. You know what? They usually have low self-esteem. People who think other people think highly of them usually think of themselves in either a negative aspect or at least less than what they think others think about them. Now I am not basing this off of science or theory I am basing this off of experience and the people I have met. Now all people are different but as tramp-stamps and Jagerbombs have proven….no they fucking aren’t.

So let’s bring this full circle. Now this is varying on generation, home situation and of course whatever shitty religion they are (If you aint a kitten handler, you aint SHIT) but a good amount of women have HUGE egos, more so than men. Women can say what they want to about men but with more women on the planet the numbers are skewed toward me being correct on this. They are taught from either a young age or as they grow up that they are well past the being “equal” aspect of the sexes. They are taught that the world revolves around them and that your feminine wiles can acquire you whatever you want whether it is directly from a person or indirectly from society. Those with high self-esteem and checked egos know that is only true when getting items from weak subjects and isn’t a smart or healthy way to go through life. However, there are some women that live that to the limit of common sense. The funny thing is that they are usually so lacking in self-esteem that when their ego is checked by those that aren’t affected by them their insecurity and lack of self-esteem kick in. THAT is when you seem them get upset about being told no or being spurned. Now someone with self- esteem would chalk a “no” up as a loss and charge it to the game. Someone with NO SELF-ESTEEM with continue the assault because their EGO won’t accept a no because “You are GOING TO WANT ME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME NO!” Now I have mentioned this before but not in this much detail about the subject. I mention this again because it seems to be a running theme out there. That and I am proven right once again. If being right was a college football team, I would be the LSU Tigers: I’m in the toughest league and I STILL rule you. Heh, not really. I have just been really annoyed by some things that have happened to some people I know (Including me) due to the insecurities of females.

Well, enough of that. I don’t like talking about that kind of stuff because it usually ends up being a fruitless musing on deaf ears but hey, I needed to get that out. So with that being said, it is time to biz-ounce. I am working on a blog for Monday and I should have it up by tomorrow night. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Rocking The Projects!

Okay, I apologize about this one. Started a blog and didn’t finish it because I went to see Mindless Self-Indulgence with Zach and Joey at the last minute. Well worth the trip, albeit industrial rock live kind of loses its luster without stereo production to cover the feedback and hoarse voices. Never the less, I like what I heard and got what I expected even with the limited exposure to them…of two or three songs. Great times had by all.

I will try to be back up tomorrow (Sunday) with a rant, maybe an Omnibus. Not going to do much as I am EXAUSTED from this last week. Thinking about Denver AGAIN next Saturday so once again if you want to roll, shoot me a ROBBLE ROBBLE!

Got a new camera because my old one was missing a charger and scratched all to hell after Anime Wasabi. I will try to put it to good use and get some stuff up. Been slacking and whatnot. Anyway, I will be back tomorrow. Have a good streak of posts up and want to keep it going (Although this is kind of a cop out) so see you then. Until I return, hit up some HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR:

Covering TM Revolution? Be still my beating heart!

Chachi Out

Once Again, I Am Working For The Weekend...

What is up people?! It is another Friday and you know what that means. PARTY TIME! Oh, and it is also time for the Friday staple….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a premiere from a artist already on the Countdown!

20. Usher – Moving Mountains (New Entry)
Usher is back! Looks like it may be the year of the Ush because he is already back with a new video. Oddly enough, it works as a sequel to “Love In This Club” and I really feel this song. It’s like Burn 2008! Man, we need more Boondocks!
19. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #16)
Looks like The Roots are on their way off the Countdown for the second time this year. I am really pissed I missed them and Erykah Badu this week. I really was looking forward to it but thems the breaks.
18. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #20)
BACK-ON moves up a modest two spots this week in their first foray onto the Countdown. Is there any word on when I will be blessed with a full album from these guys? “Chain” was a damn LIFETIME AGO!
17. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #15, Seven Weeks at #1)
The ladies of Bennie K are STILL HOLDING ON! Yuki and Cico are able to stake claim as the Queens of the Countdown with two number ones including this one that is tied for the longest ever. If they give me something new this year it could mean an Artist of the Year Chachi!
16. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #18)
UVERworld has TWO new videos out! I like this song a lot more than the other one so this one moves up this week. Could I see two UVERworld albums in one year? My god…I think I just had a baby.
15. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #13)
YUI HAS A NEW SINGLE!!! “Summer Song” is awesome, I mean “CHE.R.RY” awesome people! Too bad her latest falls another two spots. Shouldn’t matter, she should have a new one for her fans soon!
14. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)

Speaking of new music….FOXXI MISQ IS BACK! They have a new single coming in July (Oddly enough, the same day as Kelun’s “CHU-BURA” in which I will have the greatest orgasm EVER) and their latest is still on! Here is hoping it is a ballad, I really like Dem’s voice. Yes, her voice!
13. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #17)
You know, aside from T.I., Kanye West and Lupe Fiasco the Game may be the most successful artist on the Countdown on the hip hop side of things. Wait….Young Jeezy has been to the top twice. HOW IN THE FUCK DID HE MANAGE TO SLIP PAST ME?!
12. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #9)
Looks like Lupe’s run is over as he falls out of the Top 10 this week. Reportedly he is working on a new album so this may be the last we see of him for a while. Unless he, Kanye and Pharrell get off the pot on the whole CRS thing.
11. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #12)
Aqua Timez moves up a modest spot this week as the wait outside the Top 10. This will gie them two after a pretty lengthy career. We are into the top half!
10. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #7)
We begin with Hyde and Company falling three big spots this week. They stay in the Top 10 and have built a very impressive streak with three straight Top 10 videos. I hope they have something new soon as this was a good return to some of their older work.
9. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #8)

Colbie falls a spot this week as it looks like she has lost her momentum. I may give a listen to her album and see if there are other songs as good as this. If not…how about she won’t be on here again?
8. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #14, Biggest Mover)
Chris Brown is on the move this week! He moves the most spots of any one in a long time as he jumps 6 places and lands in the Top 10. This is quite the comeback from the suckitude that was “Wall To Wall.” I was ready to ban him forever but hey…that wasn’t a pun.
7. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #10)

Paramore moves up another three spots this week as we see if they can become the new rock kings (err…queen and kings) of the Countdown! They are three for the in the Top 10 and “Misery Business” peaked at number two so they have the pedigree. Does this video have the legs?
6. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #5, Three Weeks at #1)
With another video premiring I am sure Usher doesn’t mind his latest video falling from the Top Five. Especially after holding the top spot for almost a month to boot. Could Usher have the best 2008? He will have to top the next artist…
5. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #6)
….Who is looking for number three! Alicia Keys is looking to be the female with the most number one videos as she is currently tied at two with Yui and NaNa. Can she take the top spot yet again? She has quite the battle ahead!
4. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Kanye and Chris fall two spots this week as they fall farther away from that number one spot. I do have to say something right now. I am actually kind of liking the “Viva La Vida” song of Coldplay’s. Damn it! I swore I would never do it but…man it is catchy. Anyway, we are down to three!!
3. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #4)

Kelun keeps on moving up…all the way to the Top Three! Even with the announcement of “CHU-BURA” and the video coming any day now (Hopefully) it is remarkable that this video is still making its move. What can I say; I really like this song.
2. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #3)

The sexy ladies of YA-KYIM move up a spot this week to the runner up position! I just got this single all I have to say is I am feeling their remake of Trey Songz “I Can’t Help But Wait”. Totally awesome work. But with these ladies at number two, it means we have a reigning champ at number one!
1. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

Kobuta and Misia hold it down yet again! The J-R&B king and queen hold it down for yet another week! Misia’s new video is okay but I am REALLY looking forward to a new album from Toshinobu Kobuta. Hopefully it will have “MAGIC” on it. Until that day, he holds the top spot

That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Kobuta and Misia can make it three weeks on top! Or will YA-KYIM take their place on a sexily crowded throne? Or will Kelun continue his upward move and take the crown on their first time out? Tune in seven days from now to find out!

So I am going to see “Kung Fu Panda” tonight (Probably) and MAY go to Denver on Saturday again just because I need to get out after a week of work. WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND! Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Now The Fun Part Begins....

What is up, people?! I am back…once again. I have to tell you that this week has been rather interesting. Now that Barack Obama has won the nomination for the Democratic Party and Hillary Clinton is going to FINALLY concede and place her support to Obama it is time for me to do something. Hillary supporters….and this is hard for me to do here….

THANK YOU

Yes, I am thanking the Hillary supporters. First off for giving me spirited debate fodder because you are all kind of nuts. Seriously, when someone didn’t want to vote for Hillary is was because “SHE’S A WOMAN! YOU ARE SEXIST!” but no one ever gave a reason why NOT to vote for Barack Obama. Every Clinton supporter I have spoken to (Oddly enough all female) said that I wasn’t voting for her because she was a woman which is not true. Prior to January, I WAS a Hillary supporter. After the first set of debates and seeing her crush the other candidates including John Edwards (The second hottest man in politics behind Harold Ford Jr. Look at this man:

Now a Barack Obama/Harold Ford Jr. ticket? That is the hottest ticket in town, baby!) I was definitely on her side. That was until she and Barack Obama would face off (Albeit admittedly briefly). I don’t think that she was prepared for how he spoke, his explanation of the issues and most importantly how much people were hungry for change. I mean nothing has really changed from Bill to her while Obama was a new face with (Kind of) new ideas and a new voice that wasn’t the same look of the party. Now Hillary is a female and that in itself is a change from the status quo but I believe that POLITICALLY she should have distanced herself a little more from Bill to get the “change” aspect over. For young people just being a woman isn’t “change” just as much as being “Black” isn’t a change. It’s in your words and her words were the exact same as the party had been pushing for years and Bill had been pushing in his two terms. Not BAD, just the status quo. Oh, that and her campaign team DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE DAMN RULES OF THE PARTY and mis-managed her funds. My god it was like Gary Coleman’s parents. If you don’t know what I am talking about look it up on the internets or ask me offline. We can have a nice chat over sushi and sake. Mainly sake….I NEEDS IT!

Long story short I guarantee about (These aren’t exact numbers, this is just my opinion) 70-75% of the people that voted for Barack Obama this primary season were Clinton supporters early on. As the process went on and we got to know him (Which is why people that say “We don’t know anything about Obama! We can’t vote for him! He’s an Arab!” upset me a tad. We know about Hillary…she will say what she needs to get the victory which is what I DON’T want as a President) he was able to sway some voters. Hillary had a large ingrained camp of older females that were voting for her no matter what. Obama didn’t even have niggas on his side! Remember Fiddy’s ignorant (But telling) comments?

Yet, here we are. The popular vote will always be a debated topic with the archaic way the Democratic Party votes (Caucus? What the fuck are we, cavemen?!) but in the end the math is the math and you don’t win a football game by getting the most yards. It’s about clock management and scoring more points which is what Obama did. Now get ready because this is going to be an extraordinary five months. This will also be the last I talk about it for a while as I will begin to focus on my original reason for doing this blog: pissing off the fucktards. Ladies and gentlemen…

THE CHACHI IS BACK!

I Told You! McCain Madness vs. The Barack in 2008!

What is up, people! I am back for another update and man I think it has been about two weeks of consecutive updates. I am feeling this shit, I must tell you. I have many workings in my mind and I need to get them out and this is the easiest way. That and punching of puppies but aint enough puppies in this country for that. So, let’s get this bad boy started. It is time for a….

CHACHI ACTION NEWS UPDATE!!

In case you haven’t heard, Barack Obama is the Democratic Nominee for the President of the United States of America. You heard that right. A (half-)Black man is a nominee from a national party for the President of the United States. Say what you will about him or his race or even his politics. This is a momentous occasion and probably the biggest moment for America since the Miracle on Ice. Now I say the same for Hillary Clinton’s campaign despite the fact I really am not a fan of her politics and her actions in the closing months of the campaign. For a woman to get this far in the electoral process as a Presidential nominee makes Shirley Chisholm proud (If you don’t know who she is, look her the fuck up. She embodies the word “trailblazer” mainly because the White people tried to set her on fire wherever she went) and really galvanizes what she attempted to do for not only women but the Black people of America as well. It isn’t just about the politics it is about the change of the status quo. Just a different look brings people out in mass.

A lot of you are shocked by Hillary’s loss and all I can say is this: it is called a process for a reason. You don’t win a game by racking up the most yards. You win by scoring the most points. Whether you win by 20 or by 2, you are still champion. That is not an insult as much as it is a statement to help her supporters realize that voting out of spite isn’t why women fought for the right to vote as much as Blacks did. There were many times there was a Black candidate (Okay…four or five) to vote for and because that candidate didn’t get the nomination didn’t mean they didn’t vote for the person that closest fit their politics. You vote for the representative because this is a REPRESNETATIVE. You vote for the politics as well as the person, which is why (Until she and Bill went batshit crazy) I was more than willing to vote for Hillary…kind of. If you are against McCain’s politics why would you vote for him out of spite against Obama? Eh, thems the breaks. All I know is that this race has been historic and tonight was a night that win or lose will be a milestone for America. If you don’t think so then not much I can say to change that. Congratulations, Barack Obama. You officially have my vote…for now.

Before I check out, I want people to understand something. Always Remember: A Chrysler 300….Is NOT A BENTLEY.

Now I heard Katt Williams talk about this a few years ago and it totally rings true. You see, this is a Bentley:

A very nice, high-class vehicle. Now THIS is a Chrysler 300:

Not a bad car in its own right. But understand this: IT IS NOT A BENTLEY. Stop modifying the frame, stop taking off the emblem and for the love of everything STOP WITH THE BUTTERFLY DOORS:

It just looks tacky. Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new.

Chachi Out

Well...Maybe A Change IS Gon Come.

You know…I was thinking about something today. Say what you will about the whole Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thing but man, I really feel like there isn’t anything available right now that encompasses the movement right now. Black people are going out and voting not because (I HOPE, ANYWAY) a Black candidate is there but a Black candidate is speaking to the problems of the nation, unlike Jesse Jackson in his attempts for the Democratic nomination. Or to a lesser extent, Alan Keyes for the Republican nomination. Nigga, please. You weren’t going to win that shit. Republicans would sooner vote in an Asian woman than a Black man; it goes against everything they believe in. Which is darkies knowing their place…it’s called The White House for a reason. BURN….the crosses. See, racism can be HILARIOUS!

Anyway, I am kind of saddened that even with a great moment and what I believe win (Or even sadly and odds are eventually lose) that Obama has opened eyes and created a shift in the way the people of the United States not only see Blacks, but see each other. I honestly believe that there is a good majority of the American people that are realizing that race and gender…of anyone that ISNT HILLARY CLINTON anyway, aren’t what determines a great leader. It is whether they can to the job and create the change to begin to repair the problems of the country. It is about whether they can bring everyone as a nation together against common problems rather than dividing and creating a climate of fear and hate to keep us “together” as a nation. It sucks that Barack Obama wasn’t around in the 60’s because he would have a better landscape to work with as complacency and total apathy have all but destroyed the democratic process. However, I believe that someone needs to create the music for this generation. Someone needs to be the next poet and makes that one song that makes everybody stand up. That one song that makes everyone look around and see the outsourcing, the unemployment, the rising energy costs, the homelessness, the senseless hate and violence and say we need someone to help change this. We don’t need someone to continue taking the train down the same track, we need someone to help people realize that things are not right but can get better. Since people don’t read the newspaper and god forbid won’t watch news on the internet unless it is bookended with a video about a dancing cat….we need someone to do it with music. Music is the one thing that can make people pay attention because we know that MTV won’t do anything because it cuts into their prime-time schedule of reality shows. We need a new anthem. Or….maybe it would be best if we just use an old one that stands the test of time. Marvin….tell us what’s going on:

And for the people who haven’t heard this song…you really need to get on this. Memorize and realize:

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby

God damn it. The closest we have to something like this today is….hell, nothing. Musicians now should be locked in a room and forced to listen to this for seven straight days until they learn what music is. The fact that Marvin Gaye never had a number one album and the fact he has the same amount of Grammy’s as Fergie (Shocked me, too) shows that people today don’t DESERVE the right to vote. *Sigh* I hope people realize what’s going on out there.

Chachi Out.

....And That's Why I Steal. It Makes Me Sad.

Boredom has consumed me but I don’t want to be up until the asscrack of dawn so it is time to get off the pot. It is time for…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: The Youth Of America Need CROSSFIRE! YEAH!

You know, I was driving home today and I had to call Griff and ask a simple question:

Why don’t I ever see kids fly kites anymore?

I remember the carefree halcyon days of my elementary school youth with bike riding, kite flying and kickball playing. I remember making a friend solely due to the reason of both having the same kind of shoes or liking the same toy. Man, those days are gone. Now I don’t mean for me because as an adult I have entered the world of bills, crazy women and unneeded identity crises. With all the crap out there to rot the minds of kids from MTV to more MTV it is a shame that the things that made the youth of my generation great are lost on the last two. We have gone from Public Enemy and Boogie Down Productions to G-Unit and DJ Khaled (That motherfucker needs to shut the fuck up. Seriously, you aint Black so quit saying nigga. Just because you get a pass from dumb ass, gold teeth having, poor English speaking fucktards doesn’t mean you can use that word you braindead, fat fuck. DIE!). We have gone from Sesame Street and Square One (BIG UPS TO SQUARE ONE!!) to…um….The Wiggles? Seriously, even the toys suck ass. Remember games back in the day:

They were hungry and they were hippos. THE GAME WAS SELF EXPLANATORY! When I was younger there was no concern about video game violence or TV being a bad influence because…I really don’t know. I am not going to say parents were better or we were smarter because there are several kids I know that are not fuckwits. Hell, some of them are better adjusted than I was at that age. I didn’t get as nuts as I am now until I started dating. Maybe I was better off when I thought women had cooties.

Random Thought #2: Stamp Of Disapproval.

Okay, I have had JUST about enough of the tattoos in general. Now don’t get it twisted: I am not a FAN of tattoos but it isn’t like being a Turk so I am not going to stop being your friend if you have one. Nor do I think you are less of a person if you already got it before I met you. However with that being said, I do not want to be asked “Doesn’t this tattoo look hot?” because it really doesn’t. I don’t like them and I don’t think they are necessary in this day and age, especially if you are getting them to be “an individual” because odds are, someone has what the fuck you have. Again, it is fine by me if you are asking and if you are not then fuck it. However, I am having a real issue with women STILL getting the tattoo on the small of the back. I mean just like barbed wire and tribal, the shit is played out.

My question is why still get one? I mean women THEMSELVES call them a “tramp stamp” and yet I see them at younger and younger ages meaning the next generation is getting a lot stupider. Now the reason I end up seeing these tattoos is not that I look for them, it is because about 80% of females aged 21-30 have them. Not only that, they are always showing them off or literally showing them to you with the prefaced phase “This isn’t like anyone elses, I drew the art myself!” Well, seeing as how there are no women inventors I am somewhat ashamed if that statement is true because that means that the only thing of consequence that women have created in the last 100 years is skanky body art. Well, not like Black people have done much better since George Washington Carver. Although we did invent the Harlem Shake:

Much better than the last dance WOMEN invented….which was the….um….Electric Slide?:

Man, now this is going to bug me. Can someone tell me the last GOOD dance the ladies invented? I mean a man invented the Cupid Shuffle. Grandma can do it with her cane. Back to my original point. If you have a tattoo on the small of your back and you are under the age of 30 then you are a fucking dumb ass. Just like dudes with barb wire tattoos and of COURSE a crucifix. Because I am sure when Jesus got nailed up he wanted your dumb ass to get the SYMBOL OF HIS FUCKING DEATH FORGED INTO YOUR CHEST OR ASS. Maybe you should stab yourself in the hands and feet; that would be more of a homage. Too far? Fuck you, fucky.

Random Thought #3: Does VH1 Play Videos Anymore?

I mean seriously. Is ANYTHING on that network not a reality show? I mean MTV went downhill 10 years ago (Well…15 years ago. They act like music died with Kurt Cobain when all that died was the band and as far as I am concerned Alice In Chains was a better band and Dave Grohl was the most talented member of Nirvana. Yeah, I FUCKING WENT THERE) but I never really watched VH1 until BET decided that niggas love reality TV, too. Well, Paramount decided that but you know thems the rules I guess. Now between Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels I don’t even think they should be considered a music channel. It is like E! with worse shows. I mean who HONESTLY wants to fucking touch Flavor Flav? The nigga looks like a Treasure Troll cooked in an E-Z Bake Oven. Refried ugly, he is. Man, if it wasn’t for Scrubs and Fresh Prince in syndication I would have to kill somebody.

Well, I am about to watch the season premiere of Venture Brothers again. I will try to be back up tomorrow with a rant but I have been hella tired the last four days or so. Don’t worry, I will be back on the game soon. Until next time, stay up.

Chachi Out.

Throw It Up Like Liquor On An Empty Stomach!

What is up, peeps! I am back for a short (Maybe, depends on if I get on a roll) blog update and all I have to say is that this weekend was WAAAAAAAAY too short. It was hella fun though, as Denver on Saturday was fun as hell. Albeit SOMEONE that will remain nameless had to throw up on the floor at the Wynkoop which took away from it some but aside from that, I am thinking about doing it all again next Saturday. If you are down to ride, let me get a ROBBLE ROBBLE!

With that being said it is time for another installment of…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Man…this weekend was filled with them.

Random Thought #1: It Doesn’t Pay To Not Want The Herp.

So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:

• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat

Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?

Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.

What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.

Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere

You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:

1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:

A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…

Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs. Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.

Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being other because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:

"I am not for the war."

This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.

When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:

I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me. It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.

VENTURE BROTHERS SEASON THREE PREMIRE TONIGHT!!! WATCH IT!!!

Chachi Out.

George Lucas Must Die. I Am Not Joking.

Everytime someone sees "Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull" a kitten gets raped. Violently...by a grizzly bear. It is true.

Fuck George Lucas. Fuck him in his stupid head. Or maybe it was Spielberg's fault. He did do "A.I." so he is known to suck a donkey dick or two. Way to piss on one of the greatest action heroes of all time, Steve. Since when could monkeys intelligently distinguish good from evil? Most importantly...

ALIENS? MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS?! WHAT IN THE GOD DAMN HELL MAN?!

Where in the hell did the budget go? I saw better CGI in the commercials for "Sex In The City" that made Kim Cattrall look under the age of 90 and Sarah Jessica Parker look like a FUCKING HUMAN. This movie was just plain average bordering on bad. there was no middle ground and that was the bad part. Let me tell you some of the suck in this movie:

• Aliens (I am so cereal right now! I expected a fucking Wookie to run out)
• Killer ants (Whether real or not...once again how could they distinguish good from evil?)
• Ancient Mayans....waiting for centuries in one spot on a wall to attack Indy and his greaser son (Yes, Shia is his FUCKING KID. Shut the fuck up about the spoiler, I saved you $8.50. Suck my balls)
• ALIENS?!
• Russians (I mean come on. They couldn't have used Peruvians? They were fucking there already. Or hell, the swarthy ass Turks?! If anyone needs an ass kicking its those worthless fuckers)
• Really bad action sequences (Gone are the edge of your seat thrills. In are stolen fights from Pirates of the Carribean, Aliens vs. Predator and of course Rocky IV. Except there was a Black person in that movie. Racist bastard fuck George Lucas is)
• WORST ENDING EVER (Wasnt that in Close Encounters of the Third Kind? And Contact? And Mars Attacks?! MOTHER FUCKER!)
• Surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator (I...I....this was fucking dumb on so many levels that I cant even choose one right now)
• The Ark (Motherfucker. MOTHERFUCKER! YOU PISS ON MY CHILDHOOD! IN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES)
• Crystal isnt magnetic! (Was this shit ever explained? Plot hole big enough to fit George Lucas's ass through. With enough space for Peter Jackson and Uwe Boll)
• Shia LeBeouf (I just...I just dont like him. I dont know why, but I think I liked him better on Even Stevens. Now THAT was good watching)
• MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
• The music is the SAME FUCKING SONG! (I love the Indiana Jones theme as much as the next guy. But it was the background music for EVERY-FUCKING-THING! Sad, happy, angry, vexed, confused, hungry. All emotions were contained in that one song. They did it on Power Rangers but Indiana Jones IS NOT THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS!)

Overall, there was nothing about this movie I can sit back and say I liked. There was a lot of shit that made me want to kill a puppy and a lot of "meh" action in it. The good parts (the ending sequence until we saw it was the fucking Millenium Falcon, the motorcycle chase scene in the school because nothing is better than freaking out the white folk) weren't even GOOD as much as they were departures from the pain that was the rest of the fucking movie. It was like being gang raped at a frat party but they give you a glass of eggnog because it's Christmas time. Eggnog is good, but it can't take away from the fact that you are being violated in all viable holes by drunken Jack Johnson fans. And I loves me some eggnog; as Joey would say it's liquid glory.

In the end I, I feel like this movie started off with a subtle premise of a mysterious skull with uber-cool powers. And then, Spielberg and Lucas jizzed all over that bitch with shitty action sequences, POOR DIALOGUE and a plot that bashed you in the head and had less suspense than a Belladonna porn: at some point, you know it's going in her ass. We all knew the aliens were coming and when it did, it was all over our faces. Why is George Lucas allowed to make movies? Isn't all ever he did by himself the Star Wars saga? He was only hitting at a 50% success rate there any-fucking-way! UWE BOLL HAS MADE MORE MOVIES THAN GEORGE LUCAS! The difference is that Uwe Boll isn't a cultural icon. I never thought I would say this but...Uwe Boll may be better than George Lucas. Okay, I won't go that far but I can honestly say after seeing the latest Indiana Jones movie that.....

....George Lucas bukakked on a fucking legend.

I hate you and hope you die via Ewok rape.

The Ewoks FUCKING SUCKED, too. If you liked them, you are worthy of death. Yeah, I said it.

I am SO OUT of this bitch. May be back on Sunday.

Chachi Out.

SLUMBER PARTAY!!!!

What is up, peeps?! It is Friday and it is pay day so it means two things: sake and sushi! Oh, and of course the big thing:

Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a debut from a band that is a LONG TIME COMING!

20. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (New Entry)

BACK-ON is well….back! It has been a while since I have heard from these guys, I believe since “Flower” although I think they had a single after that one. I was hooked after I heard “Chain” on Air Gear and they are one of my favorite J-Rock bands. Could we see some UVERworld-type dominance? We will have to see!
19. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #16)
So Yui looks to be down one after another huge year so far. This video failed to take the top spot but it feels like it has been on here forever….because it has.
18. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (New Entry)

UVERWORLD IS BACK ON THE SCENE! The guys have their record shattering SEVENTH VIDEO entering the Countdown! I am really feeling this song and while the video isn’t as good as “Roots” was, I like this song a lot better. Welcome back, guys!
17. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #19)
So I am looking forward to Game’s new album. Shocking because aside from The Roots I figured hip hop was going to have a down year in 2008 after making a blazing comeback in 2007. Even still, I dig this video although he needs to PULL HIS DAMN PANTS UP! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
16. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #14)
Speaking of The Roots, they are going to be in Denver with Erykah Badu on June 2nd! I am so wanting to go but it is a fucking weekday….SHIT!
15. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #13, Seven Weeks at #1)
Yuki and Cico are STILL hanging on for my love and affection! They have been holding on to the Countdown for dear life, falling only two spots this week. I hope they pull it together and give me something new before summer hits full swing. YA-KYIM is taking over your spot!
14. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #17)
Chris Brown moves up three big spots this week as he attempts to make-up for the shitfest that was “Wall To Wall.” My god, that video SUCKED. The song was okay but way to rip off Blade. And not in a good way.
13. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #11)
We gots more Yui for…you…eee! Yeah, bad joke.
12. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #15)

Aqua Timez is slowly moving up the Countdown as they try to top the success of “ALONES” to which I say good lucky, buddy. That song is so kickass I can’t think straight.
11. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #9, One Week at #1)
Foxxi MisQ stops the bleeding right outside of the Top 10 this week. The ladies finally got that ever elusive number one video but I am sure they hoped to stay there longer. Either way, they’s hot.
10. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #12)

Looks like Paramore is in the top half once again! Hayley and company look to move up a little higher this time, maybe even do what Evanescence failed to do: take the number one spot. Can they rock it out?
9. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #8)
Lupe Fiasco falls a spot this week with his latest video. “Tokyo Paris” is really growing on me so we may see that video on here soon.
8. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #10)
So….I still like this video. Yeah, I know it is a shock but sometimes I feel like I needs love. Then I realize that I forever heartbroken and that will never happen. Le sigh…
7. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #4)
The Arc falls another three spots this week as they continue a big 2008. Speaking of J-Rock….X-JAPAN IN NYC! X-JAPAN IN NYC! MY GOD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I will so be there if I get tickets!
6. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #7)

We close in on the Top 5 and who do we see but Alicia Keys. She had a big end of 2007 and 2008 has been just has good for her as she looks to take the throne for a third time. Can she stake her claim as Queen of the Countdown over Yui? She has had a rough slump so she may just do it!
5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
Usher falls another two spots this week ending his chance for pulling a UGK and taking back the number one spot. His new video “Moving Mountains” is pretty damn good so he may have a chance to go two-for-two from his latest album. You never know…
4. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #5)
We move closer to the top and we have the first of two rookies looking at making a big name for themselves on the Countdown. Kelun will officially release “CHU-BURA” as a single on July 2nd which means a video should be here in early June. That sound you heard was me and yes I need to change my pants. Until then, this video is just short of the Top Three. Speaking of that…
3. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #6)

We are down to three videos and we begin with the sexy ladies of YA-KYIM! Can they be the third girl group to take the top spot? It is pretty much Bennie K and then Foxxi MisQ but they are moving fast and furious to the top. We are down to two videos and they are the same as last week. Are they in the same order?
2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)

No they are not! Kanye West fails for the second time to hold on to the top spot for more than a week! Although he held the top for a full four weeks with CRS with “Us Placers” earlier this year, both this video and “Stronger” in 2007 only held the top spot for a sole week. Maybe next time. Well, that means we have a new number one video once again!
1. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)

The legend has finally done it! Toshinobu Kobuta is the first male J-Pop artist to make it to the top spot on the Countdown! It has been a long run to the top and it has been well worth it. I love this video and I loves me some Misia. It is about time!

That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week and see if T.K. and Misia can hold on for a second straight week! Or can Kanye and Chris Martin come back home to the top? Or will YA-KYIM make a super leap to the number one spot? Find out next week!

Well, it is PARTY TIME TONIGHT as I just got paid and somebody is having teh sex tonight! Just…..not me. Damn, I can be a downer. AND WATCH THE SEASON PREMIRE OF VENTURE BROTHERS ON SUNDAY NIGHT! Until then, stay up people. I will try to be back Saturday and Sunday.

Chachi Out

The Only "Bust Is Baby's" Should Be In Bukakke!

So can anyone tell me what a "bust it baby? is? And why in the FUCK Plies chupacabra-looking ass not hunted down and killed like the predalope he is:

Wow....I never thought Ne-Yo could look any more gay but I was wrong. THIS is why I hate niggas and bitches. You fuckers don't vote, don't read and don't think but will consider this up there with Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message" or Rakim's "Microphone Fiend" in terms of hip hop classics. It is why hip hop is dead and bad rappers are like BeBe’s kids: they don’t die, they multiply. Wait a minute....

GOD, WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO PUT RICK ROSS AND NELLY ON THE SAME SONG AT THE SAME TIME?!

Let me get this straight….you put arguably the shittiest rapper I ever heard on a shitty song with the shittiest rapper I heard in 2007 NOT named 50 Cent? Yeah, makes perfect sense. I don’t give a fuck how “hard he comes” or where the fuck his is from, RICK ROSS FUCKING SUCKS. “Hustlin” was all about the beat, this non-rapping ass motherfucker totally shit on that song like it was German porn. Not even the GOOD KIND of German porn, either. Adding him with Nelly is like adding donkey sperm to a shit sandwich: taking the worst thing you can think of….and putting donkey sperm on it.

All I want to do is see a good music video. One without jewelry, cars, a house you don’t own and booty butt cheeks. I never thought I would say this….but I miss MC Hammer videos:

Now THAT’S how you bust it, Plies! With funky fresh dance moves!

Chachi Out

I Really Love You. So Much...I Am Going To Pee On You.

What is up, peeps! I am happy as fuck! You know why? Well, first off I am finally getting my job. There was a few days when I was not sure if it was a fit but now it seems to be flowing. Just as I say that shit will get confusing again but that is to be expected. Secondly, it is about that time. It has been a while since I posted one, but it is time for…

CHACHI’S RANDOM THOUGHTS!

Random Thought #1: R. Kelly Will Soon Be Taking Showers….Golden Showers!

Robert “King of R & Pee” Kelly is FINALLY going on trial for his sexual misconduct cases and other crap that he was charged with in like 1988 on the video we have all seen of him sexing up a lady. And peeing on her but besides that. I am just waiting for SOMEONE to finally put this nasty nigga in jail for SOMETHING! I mean I don’t care if it’s for constantly fucking Mr. Biggs women! That nigga needs prison time! Then, he will be braiding someone else’s hair…named Jaamal. After a little bit of tossed salad time:

I know I shouldn’t wish “tossed salad man” on anyone but fuck R. Kelly. I don’t even care how old the dumb bitch was anymore. That nasty, stupid nigga needs some fucking jailtime. He’ll come out of the closet…closet….closet!

Random Thought #2: Women Don’t Believe In Logic….OR RULES.

I am so sick of Hillary Clinton right now. It wouldn’t bug me so much if so many people (Mainly women hence the title of the Random Thought) weren’t being such retards about this situation. People are saying that Florida and Michigan voters are disenfranchised to which I say tough shit. Your party members AND officials knew the rules of administering primaries and by breaking the rules your vote doesn’t count. Sorry, THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE PARTY. It is one thing to screw up voting or block voting but if you know that your vote doesn’t count and you break the rules ANY-FUCKING-WAY then you don’t deserve a cookie. You deserve a foot in the face for being an idiot. Flat out. As for Michigan, I really don’t give a fuck about you either but your votes should count but if you take names off a ballot then they shouldn’t. I am sorry, it is time for either a do-over (Which Hillary never says is a good idea for some reason, mainly because she is a fucktard) or they don’t count. It is the only way to not disenfranchise OBAMA voters THAT COULDN’T FUCKING VOTE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS NAME OFF THE BALLOT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEIR PRIMARY BROKE THE RULES. Yet again, Hillary and her Legion of Clintonites never say anything about THAT shit because it doesn’t benefit them which is fine. It just shows that Hillary and her supporters are two faced asshats that will destroy their own party and force rules to be broken for their own benefit at the expense of the American Democratic voters and the party itself. Oh, and Bill PLEASE stop saying that Hillary is leading in the general election….which begins in fucking November. I don’t believe Hillary is leading the combined popular vote unless you add in Michigan & Florida (Officially the two dumbest states in the Union. Congrats Kentucky and West Virginia! You move up!) and of course discount the caucus states because THEIR votes don’t count. Hey, every vote counts as long as it helps you win right? Fucking morons.

Random Thought #3: Steven Byrne Is The New Funniest Man In America.

Seriously, why doesn’t this man have his own show with that Bobby Lee from MadTV?

Now THAT would be good TV.

Well, I am tired so I am about to head to bed. Countdown will be up tomorrow morning and Friday will odds are be PARTY TIME since there are no new movies out….except “Old Bitches In The City.” Man, I pray to the Dark Lord that movie doesn’t beat Iron Man. Seriously; I would rather see “Passion of Christ” with Evangelicals than see “Sex In The City.” No, that is not an exaggeration. If you see that movie, you should die and I don’t care who you are. Same thing I feel about people who went to see “Epic Movie”: Death is too good for you. Eh, life goes on. I am out.

Chachi Out.

*Sigh* I Was In The Mood For A Good Cry.

Damn it, I love listening to this song. Even though it always makes me almost cry:

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Nothing wrong, just love this song.

Chachi Out.

Dumb Ass Dudes: Ruining Things For All Of Us Since...1987?

Okay, so my mind is going a mile a minute and I don’t know why. Also, I am addicted to Red Bull (Thanks, BETH) which means I will be fucking wired until midnight. So I just read this article and said to myself…

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.

1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
(Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)

2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
(That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)

3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
(What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)

4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great."
(Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)

5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
(My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)

6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
(Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)

7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
(Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)

8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner.
(Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)

9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
(God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)

10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
(Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)

11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
(You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)

12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it!
(Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)

13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
(No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)

14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
(Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)

15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all
(Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)

Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:

Hells yeah. Well, that is enough for today. I will try to be back up tomorrow but again I make no guarantees. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

If OJ Can Do It, I Can Do It. Write A Book....Not Kill A Blond, White Woman. But I HAVE Thought About It.

What is up peeps? Sorry about no blog today, I have decided to collect my blogs into a "Not-Really-A-Book." I dont want to call it a book because every fucktard with a word processor and a whiney story to tell has "written a book" to the point the phrase is dead like "I'm gonna get crunk!" or "He violated me." However, I have always wanted to do a concept peice in the vein of Styx and Meatloaf. Hopefully, I can be just as fucking awesome:

It will take a while as I now have a job as compared to when I thought of the idea and was laid off and had an assload of time to work on it. Also, I plan on blogging and ranting as normal as possible, as some of that work will go into it. Odds are I wont even sell it as I dont think the world is ready for what the hell I have to say but eh, it is for me anyway. Just letting the peeps know why I may not be as blogging as much sometimes.

In an interesting fact, I am already done with the foreword, table of contents and half of chapter two which is already a bad sign as I cant even follow the fucking table of contents I created. However, I am a writer of mood (Hence the irreverance of my rants) so there will be lots of bouncing around. Hell, I may post some progress now and then in between some of my regular posts.

Well, it was a good weekend as I went on the town on Saturday (Sake and pomegranate wine...faboo!) and went to Territory Days yesterday (Which was interesting. A hell of a lot of White people down there) so it wasnt a total loss. Hit up some sake today too, but it has served well for the writing of the book. Sake.....my clear, rice wine muse. It's back to the grind tomorrow so I have to be out. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.