What is up, people! I am back for another update and man I think it has been about two weeks of consecutive updates. I am feeling this shit, I must tell you. I have many workings in my mind and I need to get them out and this is the easiest way. That and punching of puppies but aint enough puppies in this country for that. So, let’s get this bad boy started. It is time for a….
CHACHI ACTION NEWS UPDATE!!
In case you haven’t heard, Barack Obama is the Democratic Nominee for the President of the United States of America. You heard that right. A (half-)Black man is a nominee from a national party for the President of the United States. Say what you will about him or his race or even his politics. This is a momentous occasion and probably the biggest moment for America since the Miracle on Ice. Now I say the same for Hillary Clinton’s campaign despite the fact I really am not a fan of her politics and her actions in the closing months of the campaign. For a woman to get this far in the electoral process as a Presidential nominee makes Shirley Chisholm proud (If you don’t know who she is, look her the fuck up. She embodies the word “trailblazer” mainly because the White people tried to set her on fire wherever she went) and really galvanizes what she attempted to do for not only women but the Black people of America as well. It isn’t just about the politics it is about the change of the status quo. Just a different look brings people out in mass.
A lot of you are shocked by Hillary’s loss and all I can say is this: it is called a process for a reason. You don’t win a game by racking up the most yards. You win by scoring the most points. Whether you win by 20 or by 2, you are still champion. That is not an insult as much as it is a statement to help her supporters realize that voting out of spite isn’t why women fought for the right to vote as much as Blacks did. There were many times there was a Black candidate (Okay…four or five) to vote for and because that candidate didn’t get the nomination didn’t mean they didn’t vote for the person that closest fit their politics. You vote for the representative because this is a REPRESNETATIVE. You vote for the politics as well as the person, which is why (Until she and Bill went batshit crazy) I was more than willing to vote for Hillary…kind of. If you are against McCain’s politics why would you vote for him out of spite against Obama? Eh, thems the breaks. All I know is that this race has been historic and tonight was a night that win or lose will be a milestone for America. If you don’t think so then not much I can say to change that. Congratulations, Barack Obama. You officially have my vote…for now.
Before I check out, I want people to understand something. Always Remember: A Chrysler 300….Is NOT A BENTLEY.
Now I heard Katt Williams talk about this a few years ago and it totally rings true. You see, this is a Bentley: A very nice, high-class vehicle. Now THIS is a Chrysler 300: Not a bad car in its own right. But understand this: IT IS NOT A BENTLEY. Stop modifying the frame, stop taking off the emblem and for the love of everything STOP WITH THE BUTTERFLY DOORS: It just looks tacky. Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new.
You know…I was thinking about something today. Say what you will about the whole Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thing but man, I really feel like there isn’t anything available right now that encompasses the movement right now. Black people are going out and voting not because (I HOPE, ANYWAY) a Black candidate is there but a Black candidate is speaking to the problems of the nation, unlike Jesse Jackson in his attempts for the Democratic nomination. Or to a lesser extent, Alan Keyes for the Republican nomination. Nigga, please. You weren’t going to win that shit. Republicans would sooner vote in an Asian woman than a Black man; it goes against everything they believe in. Which is darkies knowing their place…it’s called The White House for a reason. BURN….the crosses. See, racism can be HILARIOUS!
Anyway, I am kind of saddened that even with a great moment and what I believe win (Or even sadly and odds are eventually lose) that Obama has opened eyes and created a shift in the way the people of the United States not only see Blacks, but see each other. I honestly believe that there is a good majority of the American people that are realizing that race and gender…of anyone that ISNT HILLARY CLINTON anyway, aren’t what determines a great leader. It is whether they can to the job and create the change to begin to repair the problems of the country. It is about whether they can bring everyone as a nation together against common problems rather than dividing and creating a climate of fear and hate to keep us “together” as a nation. It sucks that Barack Obama wasn’t around in the 60’s because he would have a better landscape to work with as complacency and total apathy have all but destroyed the democratic process. However, I believe that someone needs to create the music for this generation. Someone needs to be the next poet and makes that one song that makes everybody stand up. That one song that makes everyone look around and see the outsourcing, the unemployment, the rising energy costs, the homelessness, the senseless hate and violence and say we need someone to help change this. We don’t need someone to continue taking the train down the same track, we need someone to help people realize that things are not right but can get better. Since people don’t read the newspaper and god forbid won’t watch news on the internet unless it is bookended with a video about a dancing cat….we need someone to do it with music. Music is the one thing that can make people pay attention because we know that MTV won’t do anything because it cuts into their prime-time schedule of reality shows. We need a new anthem. Or….maybe it would be best if we just use an old one that stands the test of time. Marvin….tell us what’s going on:
And for the people who haven’t heard this song…you really need to get on this. Memorize and realize:
Mother, mother There's too many of you crying Brother, brother, brother There's far too many of you dying You know we've got to find a way To bring some lovin' here today - Ya
Father, father We don't need to escalate You see, war is not the answer For only love can conquer hate You know we've got to find a way To bring some lovin' here today
Picket lines and picket signs Don't punish me with brutality Talk to me, so you can see Oh, what's going on What's going on Ya, what's going on Ah, what's going on
In the mean time Right on, baby Right on Right on
Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong Oh, but who are they to judge us Simply because our hair is long Oh, you know we've got to find a way To bring some understanding here today Oh
Picket lines and picket signs Don't punish me with brutality Talk to me So you can see What's going on Ya, what's going on Tell me what's going on I'll tell you what's going on - Uh Right on baby Right on baby
God damn it. The closest we have to something like this today is….hell, nothing. Musicians now should be locked in a room and forced to listen to this for seven straight days until they learn what music is. The fact that Marvin Gaye never had a number one album and the fact he has the same amount of Grammy’s as Fergie (Shocked me, too) shows that people today don’t DESERVE the right to vote. *Sigh* I hope people realize what’s going on out there.
Boredom has consumed me but I don’t want to be up until the asscrack of dawn so it is time to get off the pot. It is time for…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: The Youth Of America Need CROSSFIRE! YEAH!
You know, I was driving home today and I had to call Griff and ask a simple question:
Why don’t I ever see kids fly kites anymore?
I remember the carefree halcyon days of my elementary school youth with bike riding, kite flying and kickball playing. I remember making a friend solely due to the reason of both having the same kind of shoes or liking the same toy. Man, those days are gone. Now I don’t mean for me because as an adult I have entered the world of bills, crazy women and unneeded identity crises. With all the crap out there to rot the minds of kids from MTV to more MTV it is a shame that the things that made the youth of my generation great are lost on the last two. We have gone from Public Enemy and Boogie Down Productions to G-Unit and DJ Khaled (That motherfucker needs to shut the fuck up. Seriously, you aint Black so quit saying nigga. Just because you get a pass from dumb ass, gold teeth having, poor English speaking fucktards doesn’t mean you can use that word you braindead, fat fuck. DIE!). We have gone from Sesame Street and Square One (BIG UPS TO SQUARE ONE!!) to…um….The Wiggles? Seriously, even the toys suck ass. Remember games back in the day:
They were hungry and they were hippos. THE GAME WAS SELF EXPLANATORY! When I was younger there was no concern about video game violence or TV being a bad influence because…I really don’t know. I am not going to say parents were better or we were smarter because there are several kids I know that are not fuckwits. Hell, some of them are better adjusted than I was at that age. I didn’t get as nuts as I am now until I started dating. Maybe I was better off when I thought women had cooties.
Random Thought #2: Stamp Of Disapproval.
Okay, I have had JUST about enough of the tattoos in general. Now don’t get it twisted: I am not a FAN of tattoos but it isn’t like being a Turk so I am not going to stop being your friend if you have one. Nor do I think you are less of a person if you already got it before I met you. However with that being said, I do not want to be asked “Doesn’t this tattoo look hot?” because it really doesn’t. I don’t like them and I don’t think they are necessary in this day and age, especially if you are getting them to be “an individual” because odds are, someone has what the fuck you have. Again, it is fine by me if you are asking and if you are not then fuck it. However, I am having a real issue with women STILL getting the tattoo on the small of the back. I mean just like barbed wire and tribal, the shit is played out.
My question is why still get one? I mean women THEMSELVES call them a “tramp stamp” and yet I see them at younger and younger ages meaning the next generation is getting a lot stupider. Now the reason I end up seeing these tattoos is not that I look for them, it is because about 80% of females aged 21-30 have them. Not only that, they are always showing them off or literally showing them to you with the prefaced phase “This isn’t like anyone elses, I drew the art myself!” Well, seeing as how there are no women inventors I am somewhat ashamed if that statement is true because that means that the only thing of consequence that women have created in the last 100 years is skanky body art. Well, not like Black people have done much better since George Washington Carver. Although we did invent the Harlem Shake:
Much better than the last dance WOMEN invented….which was the….um….Electric Slide?:
Man, now this is going to bug me. Can someone tell me the last GOOD dance the ladies invented? I mean a man invented the Cupid Shuffle. Grandma can do it with her cane. Back to my original point. If you have a tattoo on the small of your back and you are under the age of 30 then you are a fucking dumb ass. Just like dudes with barb wire tattoos and of COURSE a crucifix. Because I am sure when Jesus got nailed up he wanted your dumb ass to get the SYMBOL OF HIS FUCKING DEATH FORGED INTO YOUR CHEST OR ASS. Maybe you should stab yourself in the hands and feet; that would be more of a homage. Too far? Fuck you, fucky.
Random Thought #3: Does VH1 Play Videos Anymore?
I mean seriously. Is ANYTHING on that network not a reality show? I mean MTV went downhill 10 years ago (Well…15 years ago. They act like music died with Kurt Cobain when all that died was the band and as far as I am concerned Alice In Chains was a better band and Dave Grohl was the most talented member of Nirvana. Yeah, I FUCKING WENT THERE) but I never really watched VH1 until BET decided that niggas love reality TV, too. Well, Paramount decided that but you know thems the rules I guess. Now between Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels I don’t even think they should be considered a music channel. It is like E! with worse shows. I mean who HONESTLY wants to fucking touch Flavor Flav? The nigga looks like a Treasure Troll cooked in an E-Z Bake Oven. Refried ugly, he is. Man, if it wasn’t for Scrubs and Fresh Prince in syndication I would have to kill somebody.
Well, I am about to watch the season premiere of Venture Brothers again. I will try to be back up tomorrow with a rant but I have been hella tired the last four days or so. Don’t worry, I will be back on the game soon. Until next time, stay up.
What is up, peeps! I am back for a short (Maybe, depends on if I get on a roll) blog update and all I have to say is that this weekend was WAAAAAAAAY too short. It was hella fun though, as Denver on Saturday was fun as hell. Albeit SOMEONE that will remain nameless had to throw up on the floor at the Wynkoop which took away from it some but aside from that, I am thinking about doing it all again next Saturday. If you are down to ride, let me get a ROBBLE ROBBLE!
With that being said it is time for another installment of…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Man…this weekend was filled with them.
Random Thought #1: It Doesn’t Pay To Not Want The Herp.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck • Sleep • Shit • Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death. 2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy. 3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs. Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded. 4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being other because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me. It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
VENTURE BROTHERS SEASON THREE PREMIRE TONIGHT!!! WATCH IT!!!
Everytime someone sees "Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull" a kitten gets raped. Violently...by a grizzly bear. It is true.
Fuck George Lucas. Fuck him in his stupid head. Or maybe it was Spielberg's fault. He did do "A.I." so he is known to suck a donkey dick or two. Way to piss on one of the greatest action heroes of all time, Steve. Since when could monkeys intelligently distinguish good from evil? Most importantly...
ALIENS? MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS?! WHAT IN THE GOD DAMN HELL MAN?!
Where in the hell did the budget go? I saw better CGI in the commercials for "Sex In The City" that made Kim Cattrall look under the age of 90 and Sarah Jessica Parker look like a FUCKING HUMAN. This movie was just plain average bordering on bad. there was no middle ground and that was the bad part. Let me tell you some of the suck in this movie:
Aliens (I am so cereal right now! I expected a fucking Wookie to run out)
Killer ants (Whether real or not...once again how could they distinguish good from evil?)
Ancient Mayans....waiting for centuries in one spot on a wall to attack Indy and his greaser son (Yes, Shia is his FUCKING KID. Shut the fuck up about the spoiler, I saved you $8.50. Suck my balls)
ALIENS?!
Russians (I mean come on. They couldn't have used Peruvians? They were fucking there already. Or hell, the swarthy ass Turks?! If anyone needs an ass kicking its those worthless fuckers)
Really bad action sequences (Gone are the edge of your seat thrills. In are stolen fights from Pirates of the Carribean, Aliens vs. Predator and of course Rocky IV. Except there was a Black person in that movie. Racist bastard fuck George Lucas is)
WORST ENDING EVER (Wasnt that in Close Encounters of the Third Kind? And Contact? And Mars Attacks?! MOTHER FUCKER!)
Surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator (I...I....this was fucking dumb on so many levels that I cant even choose one right now)
The Ark (Motherfucker. MOTHERFUCKER! YOU PISS ON MY CHILDHOOD! IN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES)
Crystal isnt magnetic! (Was this shit ever explained? Plot hole big enough to fit George Lucas's ass through. With enough space for Peter Jackson and Uwe Boll)
Shia LeBeouf (I just...I just dont like him. I dont know why, but I think I liked him better on Even Stevens. Now THAT was good watching)
MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
The music is the SAME FUCKING SONG! (I love the Indiana Jones theme as much as the next guy. But it was the background music for EVERY-FUCKING-THING! Sad, happy, angry, vexed, confused, hungry. All emotions were contained in that one song. They did it on Power Rangers but Indiana Jones IS NOT THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS!)
Overall, there was nothing about this movie I can sit back and say I liked. There was a lot of shit that made me want to kill a puppy and a lot of "meh" action in it. The good parts (the ending sequence until we saw it was the fucking Millenium Falcon, the motorcycle chase scene in the school because nothing is better than freaking out the white folk) weren't even GOOD as much as they were departures from the pain that was the rest of the fucking movie. It was like being gang raped at a frat party but they give you a glass of eggnog because it's Christmas time. Eggnog is good, but it can't take away from the fact that you are being violated in all viable holes by drunken Jack Johnson fans. And I loves me some eggnog; as Joey would say it's liquid glory.
In the end I, I feel like this movie started off with a subtle premise of a mysterious skull with uber-cool powers. And then, Spielberg and Lucas jizzed all over that bitch with shitty action sequences, POOR DIALOGUE and a plot that bashed you in the head and had less suspense than a Belladonna porn: at some point, you know it's going in her ass. We all knew the aliens were coming and when it did, it was all over our faces. Why is George Lucas allowed to make movies? Isn't all ever he did by himself the Star Wars saga? He was only hitting at a 50% success rate there any-fucking-way! UWE BOLL HAS MADE MORE MOVIES THAN GEORGE LUCAS! The difference is that Uwe Boll isn't a cultural icon. I never thought I would say this but...Uwe Boll may be better than George Lucas. Okay, I won't go that far but I can honestly say after seeing the latest Indiana Jones movie that.....
....George Lucas bukakked on a fucking legend.
I hate you and hope you die via Ewok rape.
The Ewoks FUCKING SUCKED, too. If you liked them, you are worthy of death. Yeah, I said it.
What is up, peeps?! It is Friday and it is pay day so it means two things: sake and sushi! Oh, and of course the big thing:
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a debut from a band that is a LONG TIME COMING!
20. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (New Entry)
BACK-ON is well….back! It has been a while since I have heard from these guys, I believe since “Flower” although I think they had a single after that one. I was hooked after I heard “Chain” on Air Gear and they are one of my favorite J-Rock bands. Could we see some UVERworld-type dominance? We will have to see! 19. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #16) So Yui looks to be down one after another huge year so far. This video failed to take the top spot but it feels like it has been on here forever….because it has. 18. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (New Entry)
UVERWORLD IS BACK ON THE SCENE! The guys have their record shattering SEVENTH VIDEO entering the Countdown! I am really feeling this song and while the video isn’t as good as “Roots” was, I like this song a lot better. Welcome back, guys! 17. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #19) So I am looking forward to Game’s new album. Shocking because aside from The Roots I figured hip hop was going to have a down year in 2008 after making a blazing comeback in 2007. Even still, I dig this video although he needs to PULL HIS DAMN PANTS UP! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?! 16. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #14) Speaking of The Roots, they are going to be in Denver with Erykah Badu on June 2nd! I am so wanting to go but it is a fucking weekday….SHIT! 15. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #13, Seven Weeks at #1) Yuki and Cico are STILL hanging on for my love and affection! They have been holding on to the Countdown for dear life, falling only two spots this week. I hope they pull it together and give me something new before summer hits full swing. YA-KYIM is taking over your spot! 14. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #17) Chris Brown moves up three big spots this week as he attempts to make-up for the shitfest that was “Wall To Wall.” My god, that video SUCKED. The song was okay but way to rip off Blade. And not in a good way. 13. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #11) We gots more Yui for…you…eee! Yeah, bad joke. 12. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #15)
Aqua Timez is slowly moving up the Countdown as they try to top the success of “ALONES” to which I say good lucky, buddy. That song is so kickass I can’t think straight. 11. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #9, One Week at #1) Foxxi MisQ stops the bleeding right outside of the Top 10 this week. The ladies finally got that ever elusive number one video but I am sure they hoped to stay there longer. Either way, they’s hot. 10. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #12)
Looks like Paramore is in the top half once again! Hayley and company look to move up a little higher this time, maybe even do what Evanescence failed to do: take the number one spot. Can they rock it out? 9. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #8) Lupe Fiasco falls a spot this week with his latest video. “Tokyo Paris” is really growing on me so we may see that video on here soon. 8. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #10) So….I still like this video. Yeah, I know it is a shock but sometimes I feel like I needs love. Then I realize that I forever heartbroken and that will never happen. Le sigh… 7. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #4) The Arc falls another three spots this week as they continue a big 2008. Speaking of J-Rock….X-JAPAN IN NYC! X-JAPAN IN NYC! MY GOD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I will so be there if I get tickets! 6. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #7)
We close in on the Top 5 and who do we see but Alicia Keys. She had a big end of 2007 and 2008 has been just has good for her as she looks to take the throne for a third time. Can she stake her claim as Queen of the Countdown over Yui? She has had a rough slump so she may just do it! 5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1) Usher falls another two spots this week ending his chance for pulling a UGK and taking back the number one spot. His new video “Moving Mountains” is pretty damn good so he may have a chance to go two-for-two from his latest album. You never know… 4. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #5) We move closer to the top and we have the first of two rookies looking at making a big name for themselves on the Countdown. Kelun will officially release “CHU-BURA” as a single on July 2nd which means a video should be here in early June. That sound you heard was me and yes I need to change my pants. Until then, this video is just short of the Top Three. Speaking of that… 3. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #6)
We are down to three videos and we begin with the sexy ladies of YA-KYIM! Can they be the third girl group to take the top spot? It is pretty much Bennie K and then Foxxi MisQ but they are moving fast and furious to the top. We are down to two videos and they are the same as last week. Are they in the same order? 2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
No they are not! Kanye West fails for the second time to hold on to the top spot for more than a week! Although he held the top for a full four weeks with CRS with “Us Placers” earlier this year, both this video and “Stronger” in 2007 only held the top spot for a sole week. Maybe next time. Well, that means we have a new number one video once again! 1. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
The legend has finally done it! Toshinobu Kobuta is the first male J-Pop artist to make it to the top spot on the Countdown! It has been a long run to the top and it has been well worth it. I love this video and I loves me some Misia. It is about time!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week and see if T.K. and Misia can hold on for a second straight week! Or can Kanye and Chris Martin come back home to the top? Or will YA-KYIM make a super leap to the number one spot? Find out next week!
Well, it is PARTY TIME TONIGHT as I just got paid and somebody is having teh sex tonight! Just…..not me. Damn, I can be a downer. AND WATCH THE SEASON PREMIRE OF VENTURE BROTHERS ON SUNDAY NIGHT! Until then, stay up people. I will try to be back Saturday and Sunday.
So can anyone tell me what a "bust it baby? is? And why in the FUCK Plies chupacabra-looking ass not hunted down and killed like the predalope he is:
Wow....I never thought Ne-Yo could look any more gay but I was wrong. THIS is why I hate niggas and bitches. You fuckers don't vote, don't read and don't think but will consider this up there with Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message" or Rakim's "Microphone Fiend" in terms of hip hop classics. It is why hip hop is dead and bad rappers are like BeBe’s kids: they don’t die, they multiply. Wait a minute....
GOD, WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO PUT RICK ROSS AND NELLY ON THE SAME SONG AT THE SAME TIME?!
Let me get this straight….you put arguably the shittiest rapper I ever heard on a shitty song with the shittiest rapper I heard in 2007 NOT named 50 Cent? Yeah, makes perfect sense. I don’t give a fuck how “hard he comes” or where the fuck his is from, RICK ROSS FUCKING SUCKS. “Hustlin” was all about the beat, this non-rapping ass motherfucker totally shit on that song like it was German porn. Not even the GOOD KIND of German porn, either. Adding him with Nelly is like adding donkey sperm to a shit sandwich: taking the worst thing you can think of….and putting donkey sperm on it.
All I want to do is see a good music video. One without jewelry, cars, a house you don’t own and booty butt cheeks. I never thought I would say this….but I miss MC Hammer videos:
Now THAT’S how you bust it, Plies! With funky fresh dance moves!
What is up, peeps! I am happy as fuck! You know why? Well, first off I am finally getting my job. There was a few days when I was not sure if it was a fit but now it seems to be flowing. Just as I say that shit will get confusing again but that is to be expected. Secondly, it is about that time. It has been a while since I posted one, but it is time for…
CHACHI’S RANDOM THOUGHTS!
Random Thought #1: R. Kelly Will Soon Be Taking Showers….Golden Showers!
Robert “King of R & Pee” Kelly is FINALLY going on trial for his sexual misconduct cases and other crap that he was charged with in like 1988 on the video we have all seen of him sexing up a lady. And peeing on her but besides that. I am just waiting for SOMEONE to finally put this nasty nigga in jail for SOMETHING! I mean I don’t care if it’s for constantly fucking Mr. Biggs women! That nigga needs prison time! Then, he will be braiding someone else’s hair…named Jaamal. After a little bit of tossed salad time:
I know I shouldn’t wish “tossed salad man” on anyone but fuck R. Kelly. I don’t even care how old the dumb bitch was anymore. That nasty, stupid nigga needs some fucking jailtime. He’ll come out of the closet…closet….closet!
Random Thought #2: Women Don’t Believe In Logic….OR RULES.
I am so sick of Hillary Clinton right now. It wouldn’t bug me so much if so many people (Mainly women hence the title of the Random Thought) weren’t being such retards about this situation. People are saying that Florida and Michigan voters are disenfranchised to which I say tough shit. Your party members AND officials knew the rules of administering primaries and by breaking the rules your vote doesn’t count. Sorry, THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE PARTY. It is one thing to screw up voting or block voting but if you know that your vote doesn’t count and you break the rules ANY-FUCKING-WAY then you don’t deserve a cookie. You deserve a foot in the face for being an idiot. Flat out. As for Michigan, I really don’t give a fuck about you either but your votes should count but if you take names off a ballot then they shouldn’t. I am sorry, it is time for either a do-over (Which Hillary never says is a good idea for some reason, mainly because she is a fucktard) or they don’t count. It is the only way to not disenfranchise OBAMA voters THAT COULDN’T FUCKING VOTE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS NAME OFF THE BALLOT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEIR PRIMARY BROKE THE RULES. Yet again, Hillary and her Legion of Clintonites never say anything about THAT shit because it doesn’t benefit them which is fine. It just shows that Hillary and her supporters are two faced asshats that will destroy their own party and force rules to be broken for their own benefit at the expense of the American Democratic voters and the party itself. Oh, and Bill PLEASE stop saying that Hillary is leading in the general election….which begins in fucking November. I don’t believe Hillary is leading the combined popular vote unless you add in Michigan & Florida (Officially the two dumbest states in the Union. Congrats Kentucky and West Virginia! You move up!) and of course discount the caucus states because THEIR votes don’t count. Hey, every vote counts as long as it helps you win right? Fucking morons.
Random Thought #3: Steven Byrne Is The New Funniest Man In America.
Seriously, why doesn’t this man have his own show with that Bobby Lee from MadTV?
Now THAT would be good TV.
Well, I am tired so I am about to head to bed. Countdown will be up tomorrow morning and Friday will odds are be PARTY TIME since there are no new movies out….except “Old Bitches In The City.” Man, I pray to the Dark Lord that movie doesn’t beat Iron Man. Seriously; I would rather see “Passion of Christ” with Evangelicals than see “Sex In The City.” No, that is not an exaggeration. If you see that movie, you should die and I don’t care who you are. Same thing I feel about people who went to see “Epic Movie”: Death is too good for you. Eh, life goes on. I am out.
Damn it, I love listening to this song. Even though it always makes me almost cry:
Pray God you can cope. I stand outside this woman's work, This woman's world. Ooh, it's hard on the man, Now his part is over. Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said, That I never said. All the things we should've done, That we never did. All the things I should've given, But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go, Make it go away.
Give me these moments back. Give them back to me. Give me that little kiss. Give me your hand.
(I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.)
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said, That were never said. All the things we should've done, That we never did. All the things that you needed from me. All the things that you wanted for me. All the things that I should've given, But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away. Just make it go away now.
Okay, so my mind is going a mile a minute and I don’t know why. Also, I am addicted to Red Bull (Thanks, BETH) which means I will be fucking wired until midnight. So I just read this article and said to myself…
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it. (Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)
2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home. (That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)
3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things. (What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)
4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great." (Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)
5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her. (My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)
6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier. (Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)
7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her. (Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)
8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner. (Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)
9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it. (God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)
10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time. (Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)
11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it! (You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)
12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it! (Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)
13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important. (No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)
14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating. (Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)
15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you. It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all (Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)
Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:
Hells yeah. Well, that is enough for today. I will try to be back up tomorrow but again I make no guarantees. Until next time, stay up peeps.
What is up peeps? Sorry about no blog today, I have decided to collect my blogs into a "Not-Really-A-Book." I dont want to call it a book because every fucktard with a word processor and a whiney story to tell has "written a book" to the point the phrase is dead like "I'm gonna get crunk!" or "He violated me." However, I have always wanted to do a concept peice in the vein of Styx and Meatloaf. Hopefully, I can be just as fucking awesome:
It will take a while as I now have a job as compared to when I thought of the idea and was laid off and had an assload of time to work on it. Also, I plan on blogging and ranting as normal as possible, as some of that work will go into it. Odds are I wont even sell it as I dont think the world is ready for what the hell I have to say but eh, it is for me anyway. Just letting the peeps know why I may not be as blogging as much sometimes.
In an interesting fact, I am already done with the foreword, table of contents and half of chapter two which is already a bad sign as I cant even follow the fucking table of contents I created. However, I am a writer of mood (Hence the irreverance of my rants) so there will be lots of bouncing around. Hell, I may post some progress now and then in between some of my regular posts.
Well, it was a good weekend as I went on the town on Saturday (Sake and pomegranate wine...faboo!) and went to Territory Days yesterday (Which was interesting. A hell of a lot of White people down there) so it wasnt a total loss. Hit up some sake today too, but it has served well for the writing of the book. Sake.....my clear, rice wine muse. It's back to the grind tomorrow so I have to be out. Stay up, peeps.
Yes, I am back ONCE AGAIN! I am spoiling you all with a post every day. I am letting you know this right now: summertime may be like this because I hate summer with a passion and will bitch about it a lot. But having post a day may be a bit too much. Five a week is doable but I think I have had a post up every day for the last 10 days or so, give or take a Saturday night at Alyse’s mom’s house for a graduation party in which I wasn’t in condition to drive let alone post. Never stopped me before; I was drunk for about 40% of my posts in 2006. I tell you, sake is WHERE IT IS AT!
So I really wanted to touch on a topic that I covered a while back because it seemed to need repeating. So as I have gotten older and the clientele of female I know and associate with has done the same (In age, not necessarily in INTELLEGENCE but definitely age. Doing the same shit you were doing when you were twenty and bitching about it as a learning experience isn’t learning….it’s asshatery) I have realized that the act of being shallow hits new lows. Now what bugs me about this isn’t the act of being shallow it is the denial and utter and complete lies that go along with the act. Now I will be the first to admit that I am no Terrance Bi Efron-Howard so some would say I have right to ever be selective in who I decide to (or not to) date/associate with. Let’s look at this with a little bit of logic. I know that is hard if nigh impossible for some of you fucktards but bear with me. Your dumb ass might learn something. So it is time to revisit a few things from my past rants with…
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?
Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me….I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!
So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.
However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:
Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.
Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.
Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.
Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. You telling me that Hitler was like
“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”
No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.
Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.
There are two things I never complain about:
1. Not having sex. 2. Being a fattie.
You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.
Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.
One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:
Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean….who can turn down THIS?
When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate?
Yep….that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.
At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.
Hey, ya’ll! I just wanted to let you know that sake rules. Seriously, that shit is great, If you don’t like it (And you know who you are, and yes you are a woman and NO you cannot handle its awesomeness) then you are a punk ass bitch. Yeah, I said it. I keeps it real! WU-TANG!
So with that being said…congrats to Beth for graduating! Now you get to fall into the line that is the real world and society! My advice; get your doctorate, girl. Avoid the real world as long as you can and by that time we will finally be overrun with Mexicans so you can change your name to Rosa and fit in. I kid, I kid. Graduation is an important part of your life (I have been through two and a half. PARTY TIME!) and so you will be able to put the money you earn in a paycheck into the global pot that we call taxes and social security. That neither one of us will get so be prepared to be pissed off about that shit when it runs out. But I digress…
One quick point to make here: stupid people need to really not be around. I mean what I say is funny, hands down. Unless I am making the obligatory Jew joke (And who doesn’t? DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!) everything I say is grounded in humor and not meant just to shock. So why are people so shocked when I make:
• The collie jokes (Inter-species erotica = funny when done tastefully. Or not, I can’t remember which one so I do both) • The Black jokes (Guess what? I AM BLACK, FUCKERS! I AM ALLOWED TO MAKE THEM!) • The retard jokes (They aren’t funny, but their actions are.. You laughed at Corky and don’t say that you didn’t you lying sack of shit) • Calling women stupid (Have I ever been proven wrong? Minus the women being vampires thing. They ARE succubi so I was HALF right and that counted for GW Bush so it counts for me. I only go after what is true and when I go after them it IS FUCKING TRUE) • Calling men stupid (I hate how I am thought of as “gay” because I hate men. Consider me gay because I like Cher, you close-minded fuckers. Its why men will always be fucktards that deserve to die in horrible mishaps. No sympathy for a man who does bungie jumping or attempting to binge drink. That is fucking stupid) • Pedophilia jokes (The shit is funny as long as you keep it tasteful. I mean, come on here. Joles about Hinoi Team are funny because they are Japanese and you know why. If you don’t…you don’t read this often enough and that is your own fucking fault. As long as you don’t pee on them because that shit is gross)
…people get all pissy? Now if I said these things to be mean then I would completely understand the stares and the gasps. But seriously, when did people get such a fucking bug up their ass about what is funny? These are the same people that find Dane Cook hilarious and thought “Scrubs” was pretentious. It is a damn shame that Americans have the attention spans of drunk cats because they miss out on so much funny shit and focus on the irrelevant and harp on the awesome to the point that I had to be forced to realize that all the greatest shows of my youth were from north of the border (You Can’t Do That On Television, Undergrads, Degrassi Junior High) and that partially makes me want to cry. We as Americans have become uptight, pussy-footing, whiney little pussies and if my great- uncle wasn’t too crazy to function because of the Korean War and Vietnam (Someone has to explain to me the truth of that because I don’t see that as being….possible) he would tell you to quit being such candyasses. I mean…if he wasn’t nuts and all. Now he just drinks Crown Royal and has the occasional fpashback in the living room involving flipping over a table and yelling something about steaks because all he says is “Flank right!!!” Crazy as shit but that man is great for a war story. Aaaaaaand that is why no one in my family loves me.
With all that said, I am off to get some food. With all that is open being Taco Bell and…McDonald’s….I may just go to the store and buy something and cook it. I want to LIVE through this three day weekend. I will be back up tomorrow with a less alcohol induced, come-down town. Needless to say, I had a hell of a lot of fun today and I am out for more. You only die once and I don’t want to die by getting stuck in the fucking tub like a fat ass. That is one way that even the awesomeness that is me can never live down. Tomorrow’s blog will be better. I promise! Until then....off to Albertacos!!!
It is FRIDAY PEOPLE! You know what that means: summer blockbusters and…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get this party started shall we?
20. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #17) It looks like The Roots dual run will be down to one soon. I wonder if they are going to do a show in Denver this summer. They usually do but I always miss it. 19. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (New Entry)
The Game is back! You know, I am going to be honest here: I have always been a fan of Game. Little known fact is the guy has THREE Top Three videos which is hard to get to get on here seeing as how I don’t like hip hop. Then again….Young Jeezy has three Top Three videos and two number ones but….that’s different. 18. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #16) Miss Badu falls another two spots and looks to be on her way off the Countdown this week as well. It has been a good run for her and here is hoping that she comes out to Denver along with The Roots. Now THAT’S big pimpin. 17. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #20) Chris Breezy moves up a huge three spots this week as he tries to do something that very few male R&B artists do: make it to the top. Aside from John Legend and Usher, no male R&B singer has made it to number one. Can Young Chris break that streak? 16. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #13) Yui falls another three spots this week and this is one person that I really want to see live. I am kind of surprised she hasn’t done at least one larger anime convention. Give me that, Yui! Just once! 15. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #18) Aqua Timez moves up three spots as they look to duplicate the success of “ALONES” in late 2007. You know, this is one group that all their songs don’t sound rehashed but they sound the same. Not in a bad way, but in a signature sound without sounding manufactured way. 14. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #14) The Roots stand pat this week as we move along. After not being able to SEE this video for the last three weeks, I am getting kind of bummed. I watch MTV Jams for about seven minutes a day and this video is never on. Bastards. 13. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #11, Seven Weeks at #1) Yuki and Cico, I am going to miss you! I needs me some new Bennie K right now! After seven weeks on top the least they could do is give me a free hat. Or another video with my baby boos. 12. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #15)
As we move closer to the Top Ten, we see a familiar face. Paramore looks to make it three for three in the Top Ten with their latest video. Listen to the words….heartbreak sucks ass. 11. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #9) We are one step away from the upper half and on the outside looking in is Miss Yui! It has been a good first half of the year for Yui with a great new album and two big videos. And yet, she hasn’t captured that third number one video. Maybe next time? Until then, we are into the Top Ten! 10. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #10) Colbie stand pat at number ten for the second week in a row. This video is still a good watch but the song is a better listen…when you are feeling all stalker-ish…which I am. ALL THE TIME. 9. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)
Mmm…Foxxi MisQ. Sounds like a sexy, sexy drink. Even still, my ladies fall three spots this week as I patiently wait for a new video from them. Le sigh…. 8. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5) In a shocker, after cracking the Top Five for the second time in 2008 Lupe Fiasco falls three big spots this week. Reports are of a new video and maybe….just maybe….a video for the CRS remix of “Everybody Nose.” DARE I DREAM? 7. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #8) The fine, fine, SEXY FINE Alicia Keys moves up a solitary spot this week. So um…she is so damn fine in this video that I have nothing. Is there anything finer than a sexy lady in a video? 6. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #12, Biggest Mover)
THREE SEXY LADIES IN A VIDEO! YA-KYIM rockets up a big six spots this week and land right outside of the Top Five! I just have to say that this damn song is catchy and this video is well….hot. Very hot. I think I may be in love. 5. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #7)
Kelun moves into the Top Five this week as we move on up. Kelun has NOT given a date for a new album OR a video for “CHU-BURA” which means I am going to have to hold another puppy for ransom until my demands are met. I don’t WANT to, but I will do it. 4. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #3) The Arc falls another spot this week from the Top Three as they fail to take the top spot. Great run and a great start to what should be a kickass album, too. We are down to three! 3. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1) And we have our first shocker of the week! After three weeks holding the crown, the Prince of R&B is knocked off his throne! It was a great stretch for Usher but it seems that with a new album next week and a new video it may be time for a change. We have a new number one….but WHO?! 2. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #4)
The legend is one step away! Toshinobu Kobuta and Misia have come one step away from greatness. Also, this is the highest an Asian male artist has been since Bi with “I’m Coming” in 2006! After coming this far there is only one more place to go. But to do so, he will have to take down someone who is….coming home. 1. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Kanye West has his THIRD number one video ever and his second of 2008! After a rather long journey, Kanye has finally come home to the top of the Countdown along with Chris Martin from Coldplay. You will NEVER see that again, btw. Either way, kanye rules the Countdown once again! Congratulations!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Kanye can hold on for two weeks in a row! Or will Toshinobu Kobuta and Misia make history as the first solo male Asian artist at number one? Or can Usher rebound to take back his crown? Tune in next week to find out!
It’s off to see Indiana Jones tomorrow night! Or maybe Saturday, I’m not sure yet. Either way, it is party time! May go to Denver, too. Until I see you again, peace out.
So today while I was in a gas station earlier today and saw the attendant I usually see every few days when I have to fill up. We chitter-chatter about random stuff and while we were talking, I noticed that the place reeked. I mean FUN-KAY. Like dying muskrat love covered in Axe, Brut and Mobil One. After getting a good whiff I stated:
“Holy tit-fucking hell, it smells like ass and vinegar in here!”
The dude behind the counter laughed and was about to say something (I am sure something about cleaning supplies or a funky-ass bathroom) until I heard a rather shrill yet appalled gasp from behind me. I turned around and there was a female (I will put her about 30ish, so a little older than me but I don’t know, women aren’t aging very well these days. Work it out!) behind me. She said to us….and I quote…:
“How dare you two laugh! That is so fucking offensive and sexist!”
The clerk and I BOTH looked at each other with that quizzical look like “Is this bitch on the rag” until I realized she thought I was saying she smelled like unwashed ass and douche. Or maybe she was just taking things too seriously because she DID smell like unwashed ass and douche. It doesn’t matter to me. The thing that I find funny is my response. I wanted to apologize to her, I really did. But something in me said to her:
“Shut the fuck up, woman. Paranoid breeds truth.”
She just looked at me. I wanted to apologize again but she said nothing. She just looked at me with the same look I got from two other girlfriends before they broke into tears (One tried to slap me back in the day. Funny story if you want to hear it. All I ask for is a drink) and I was honestly expecting her to get pissed and I was going to have to verbally tear her a new one. I don’t LIKE doing that but if public people say and do shit you may not like or agree with and that is life. Either get down or lay down. Being a woman, she probably does both. ZING!
Either way, all she did was look at us, turn around and stomp off. I am not sure if she paid for her gas or not but that is beyond the point for me. I am just kind of irritated how that could be seen as sexist. For Christ’s sake I have smelled vinegar and I have smelled ass! You know what that place smelled like? Ass and vinegar! How is that fucking sexist? It’s not like I walked into a Popeye’s and said “Man, this place has more niggas than a Chuches!” or went into a room full of women and said “Uh oh, all these ladies in here SOMEBODY gonna fix ME a sandwich!” I made an observation about SMELL. I can understand being offended by the “holy tit-fucking hell” part because….well…I don’t know why. I never really understood the tit-fuck because it just seems devaluing for one and too much work for the other. Much like S&M.
Anyway, long story short I am not sorry for what I said but I apologize for how I responded to her stupidity. Even though I wasn’t wrong the intent and the implied meaning are in the receiver, even if she wasn’t the INTENDED receiver she took what I said out of context. It’s life, it happens and we gotta just let it slide. Hey, ladies….why can’t we be friends?
Funny is funny and that was funny as hell. Offensive? Without a doubt. But sexist? If you want to put it into that context than yes. In the end, all is well. On that note, I am totally out.
What it is right now?! I am back once again and this makes….four in a row? Maybe five; I seem to have lost count. Either way, it is good to be back up.
So I am feeling better. I despise going to the doctor but was going to go yesterday if I wasn’t feeling better. Luckily, I wasn’t bad at all this morning so I don’t think I need to go. Which is good because I really didn’t want to have to go to a doctor and hear the regular shit. So to feel better, it is time for some….
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: What In The Fuck Happened To R&B?
You know, with the R. Kelly trial FINALLY starting up (Guess I was wrong about that one. I really thought they were just going to dismiss the charges) I am realizing that the state of R&B really has hit rock bottom. Remember the 80’s? We had:
• Alexander O’Neal • Freddie Jackson • Anita Baker • Babyface • Jody Whatley • Patti LaBelle • LeVert
Those days are over. Now we are stuck with T-Pain, Akon and whatever the hell a Pretty Ricky is. Do they even try anymore? I mean even compared to the 90’s, in which the decline of R&B began mostly due to the popularity of New Jack Swing (W00T!) and gangsta rap (N0T W00T!) there was still tolerable if not great R&B. From Boyz II Men to Toni Tone Tony to En Vogue to even Hi-Five (Rest in peace, Tony Thompson!) the groups were better:
Maybe I am too old for my own good but I am rather disappointed in what I have to call “Black music” anymore. I don’t like to say that but my parents had Marvin Gaye, The Temptations (Listen to the later work, it helped spark the movement) and of course Bob Marley. Now these artists are relegated to being sampled by shitty rappers (Not even Kanye or Lupe) or played by bros. God damnit! What music do I have to hold on to that helped kick off change?! “Love In The Club” by Usher?! NIGGA PLEASE! R&B sucks and the fact that no one is willing to change it is annoying. I guess niggas don’t want “What’s Going On” or “Fight The Power” as their ringtones.
Random Thought #2: I’m Straight But….Being Gay Is FAB!
Back when I was in college due to my activism (Before I became a tool for the man and The Revolution was in full swing) I was friends with several gay men. I was straight and they knew that but I would hang out with them as well as lesbians. It got to the point that I had more gay friends than all my other friends combined. You know what? I liked it better that way. Being gay is fucking awesome! You get faboo clothes, you can dance to happy hardcore and Cher without getting looked at like a freak and of course you can scream “Ooohh-a ooohh-a!” without sounding like you are hungry for the cock. For those of you that don’t know that sound effect, check Caramelledansen for the 100th time on this blog:
Now the whole gay sex thing doesn’t intrigue me but at the same time I find sex with women scary, foreign and icky so it could actually work if I wasn’t so damn awesome. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to make me their plaything? Curse these roguish good looks! CURSE THEM!
Random Thought #3: American Idol Is Still On?!
So someone told me as I was picking up dogfood that American Idol’s finale was on last night. Well…um….really? I guess I have given up on reality TV shows not called “America’s Best Dance Crew” but I just don’t get what the big deal is STILL with reality shows. I mean, honestly. If you watch “The Hills” you are a fucking moron. I don’t give a fuck if I haven’t seen it. If I wanted to see White bitches acting stupid I would either go to the fucking club or watch Hillary Clinton’s stupid ass. Are White people that damn bored that they have to film reality and block it into 22 minute increments broken up by commercials for Axe Body spray and Herbal Essence shampoo? Now I am guessing on that but I am pretty fucking sure I am dead on with that one.
What in the fuck happened to shows with actual scripts? It is shit like MTV that requires little brain capacity and NO ATTENTION SPAN WHATSOEVER that has caused shows like “Scrubs” and “Futurama” to get cancelled. Oh, and for those of you that say “I watched Scrubs! I’m not stupid!” all I have to say is you didn’t watch it when it was fucking new; instead you were watching The Bachelor or Temptation Island instead so it got cancelled…then brought back….then cancelled again. Your dumb ass watches SYDICATION which is not the same thing. Jackasses. To this day I do not know why there was a writers strike when there were only five shows with actual fucking writers on TV anyway. The dumbening of America continues.
Oh, and for you fuckers that say “Hey, you watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Venture Brothers! Those are high-brow shows!” remember than the majority of cartoons have not only pop culture references but nods to classic literature, television and cinema. I guarantee you that the average fan of the Tila Tequila show wouldn’t get one third of the referncees in an episode of the Venture Brothers:
Ungrateful pink monkeys.
Well, that is all for today. It is time for bed. Until next time (Odds are Friday for the Countdown), stay up.
