I'm Leaving...On The Omnibus To 2008...

What is up, fools! There are only two days left! After that, it is off to another shittier year as 2008 officially begins! However, before then it is time for a little bit of year in review! Grab your lunch, make sure all your hands are inside the windows and prepare to go on the ride of your life as it is time for the...

CHACHI’S YEAR IN REVIEW OMNIBUS!!!

Let’s get this party started right!

Question #1: What Was The Biggest Story Of The Year?

Wow, that’s a doozy. Well if you mean the biggest story all around I would have to go with the Virginia Tech shooting in April I think. As I said in my blog about it, there becomes a point where senseless violence is just sadly way of life and to become consumed by its disturbing effects will just tear you down. As much as I am for all the rights we have, the fact is that guns have two fucking purposes:

• Changing channels (ELVIS RULES, BITCHES!)
• Killing things (People, animals or as Richard Pryor proved cars)

With that being said, life is what it is as painful as it is…you have to accept it. People will be stupid and some people believe that hurting others will make their pain stop or they theygain pleasure by causing others pain and grief. Now I made many Korean jokes about the massacre at the time (and still will, personal reasons) but the fact is that violence is and will be here (by here I mean America so man up and deal with it) and while being accepting of it doesn’t lessen its’ impact emotionally, it does prepare you to cope and come up with a solution for said event that happens. Quite simple, coping and fixing is all you can do because bitching about gun laws and safety won’t help. Too many rednecks and conservatives love their guns and follow the laws like radical Islam follows the Quran (Odd, they should actually get to know each other because they both have a lot in common by being fucktards) so they aren’t going anywhere. Like I said before danceoffs fix ALL :


Pretty much between the US and A, Korean, Japan and India. I give the advantage to India and you know why. Look up “crazy Indian dance” on YouTube. I’ll wait. Told you, they are the global superpower of getting down. Anyway, the Virginia Tech was the biggest story of the year in this country as a whole if you look at it in terms of significance although it wasn’t the one that effected me the most emotionally.

Question #2: Okay, Candyass. What Was YOUR Biggest Story Of The Year?

Two words. A first name and a surname. A name that it hurts me to say with each breath because of his heinous act. I looked up to this man with everything because he showed me that with hard work and struggle you can achieve your dreams. He made me believe in a sport that I was throughally disgusted with at the time. When tragedy hit his circle in 1999, I cried along with him. When he won his first championship with his best friend on the grandest stage of them all, I cried with him. I followed his career for as long as I can remember and as lame is it sounds he is one of the few atheletes I looked up to. Hell, typing this is almost bringing me to fucking tears and I NEVER FUCKING CRY BECAUSE I AM A MAN, BABY! No, it’s not Michael Vick (But more on his stupid ass later). It’s…

Chris Benoit

Yes, I am a wrestling fan and have been since birth. Living overseas kind of does that because you get a lot of IWGP and Catch Wrestling Association (BIG VAN VADER, FOOL!) is I saw a lot of Benoit. When I first heard he no showed the pay-per-view I honestly thought the worst. Not going to lie to you, I did. The man was a total professional at work and (I thought, anyway) his personal life. He came to Denver and Colorado Springs I believe twice and both times I didn’t get to go because I can’t go to a wrestling event by myself and no one aside from Griff that I know likes wrestling. Either way, before what happened with his family I EASILY had him in my Top 7 wrestlers of all time. If not the Top 5 if I base it just off wrestling and not charisma and the total package. He was awesome in the ring and if you like wrestling it would be to easy to see why he was so respected by fans and peers. However, it is obvious the man was not mentally stable and he needed help. People like to blame steroids (which is not impossible but highly un-fucking-likely) but the fact is that that his life was going bad and he picked a cowardly and violent way to end it for himself and his family. It is a shame because you couldn’t find anyone out there that had a negative word about the man, fan or peer. Now, no one will even acknowledge his presence (Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I am looking at you but rightfully so. He is in an awkward position) and when they do much like me, it is in distain or confused rage. We will never know why it happened, but we know what happened. Based on that, Chris Benoit will never be looked at the same, especially by his biggest fans. Rather than an idol, he will be looked a (tragically) as a monster who could not handle the stress of his life and the (rumored?) crumbling of his family situation and took a disturbing way out and to his innocent family with him. *sigh* These are my heroes.

Enough with the sad stuff, the bus is going to happy town!

Question #3: What Was The Best Moment Of The Year?

WICKED!

Without a fucking doubt! Well, the first time I heard Abingdon Boys School’s album is a close second and The Little Mermaid: A Pre-Broadway Engagement comes an even closer third (2/26/2008 is the release date! Mark it down!) but man…I had wanted to see Wicked for I believe three years before I finally got to go. I was going to go in 2005 but that fell through because I was NOT spending $175 on a ticket. Fuck that. I didn’t get tickets in 2006 because I don’t think they were here and in retrospect I was too busy being a sniveling bitch to care. So this year I got ticket hella early (and STILL didn’t get hella good ones) but I was in a box which was AWESOME! After hearing the soundtrack every day on my iPod when I didn’t have to reformat it and borrow the CD from Zach again I was totally ready for this. And I went….and it was better than everything I ever dreamed of. Even better than sex with a white woman. It was fan-fucking-tastic. While I am on the kick…Kristin Chenoweth is fucking HAWT:

There goes my 40 year old woman thing again. Eh, fuck off it’s what I likes. Man of extremes, as long as its legal its G2G. Either way, Wicked was the best moment of 2007 for me. Although….The Little Mermaid did have “She’s In Love”:

Even in poor quality, that was bad ass. Now where were some other kick ass moments in 2007. Here is quick rundown:

• Barry Bonds breaking the homerun record (You reap what you sow, baseball. Fuck you)
• “One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!” (God…I nearly lost my shit at the end of Transformers)
• Sebastian the Crab (Tituss Burgess) pretty much owning “Under The Sea”

Fuck YES!
• Devin Hester owning the Broncos. My god, I was watching at Good Company and man that dude is electric.
• Ichigo vs. Grimmjaw Jaggerjaques I, II & III. If you haven’t seen Part III, it is well worth the wait to see it in the anime but if you can’t wait, check out the manga.
• Benny Lava! I know that isn’t his real name, but by any name it means bad ass:

• Maximus Gloriosus! “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum” is better live than it is listening to it on the way to Dave & Buster’s with Niklas and Nolan.
• THIS….IS….SPARTA!!!!!! Nuff’ said.
• The second season of The Sarah Silverman Program. I don’t think she is all that funny, but she stepped her funny up for the second season. Abortions? Abortsia? Priceless!
• The Bi ”I’m Coming Tour DVD”. My god….HAWTEST DVD EVER.
• Boondocks second season. Could do without Riley using the n-word every other word but man…sometimes you gotta let it burn:

CAR!!!!

Overall, nothing tops Wicked although Abingdon Boys School and The Little Mermaid really tried to. And start watching “Pushing Daisies” you worthless fuckers! I am sick of the only good shows on TV being cancelled because people are too busy watching shit like “I Love New York” and “Lost”. You should be shot in the face. Kristin Chenoweth should be enough to make you watch:

In the famous words of Ron Burgundy…go fuck yourselves America. Go fuck yourselves hard for not watching good TV.

Can I get a whoop-whoop?! Because the bus is moving on!

Question #4: So, What Are Your REAL Feelings About Mike Vick?

Fuck him. Not prison rape style; that is inevitable. I mean as a fucking person. You know, the moral aspect of killing dogs goes on a per person basis. How I feel about dog fighting is that it is illegal. That is it. So should yours, PETA needs to be fucking eaten by polar bears. Ethics, unless it comes to peeing on minors, are all bullshit because they change depending on what a person feels is right and wrong. I proved people are inherently stupid (Americans mostly but it fits for everyone) so that means that ethics are stupid. I rule, you suck. It’s good to be me. That being said, Mike Vick lied to the fans and lied to the law. That is it. He was charged with a crime, said he didn’t do it, saw the evidence and then came clean. People do that shit all the time. Fuck them, too. He lied and broke the law and that should be the end of everyone’s issue with the guy. At the end of the day, what he eats don’t make me shit so let him serve his time and go on with his dumbass life. Lying to his fans is another aspect altogether and again, that will be left up to each individual to decide whether they forgive him for lying but that again is partly an ethical thing and I have gotten over that. The court of public opinion is stupid and frivolous (Kobe Bryant, anyone?) especially when it comes to sports so if he goes somewhere in 2009/2010 and helps them win then all is forgiven and people will be like “what dogs?” Don’t forget, Ray Lewis STABBED A DUDE and no one remembers that because he won Baltimore a Super Bowl. Randy Moss and Terrell Owens have been a malcontents and/or fucktards everywhere they have gone and because their current teams are front-runners for the Super Bowl the double-fisted hand jobs they are getting from the fans (and surprisingly the media) would make Jesse Jane take notes. So at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what I think about Mike Vick because the court of law has made its decision and the court of sports is based on wins and losses. Personally, I want him to play again because once you pay your debt to society you deserve a CHANCE to move on. Fuck ethics, if the world was based on ethics we would all be shot in the face for SOMETHING so get off your fucking high horse. Unless you pee on minors in which NIGGA YOU NASTY:

I still find that very humorous.

What is that? We got another stop on the Omnibus?! Lay it on me!

Question #5: What Are Some Things You Want To See End In 2008?

Wow, that is a good ass question! Big ups to Allen from Honolulu! Well, let us run down a few things I want to see end in 2008:

1. Prison Break. The show is good, I admit. But….maybe you should stop doing shit to get you put in a fucking prison. I mean, its been three seasons! Anyone heard of the “Three Strikes” law?!
2. Bono getting eaten by the starving children. Just seems like the greatest irony ever. Even better than Clarence Carter’s death by “strokin”.
3. No more High School Musical. That may be shocking coming from me, but man you are trying to get friction from the vagina of a whore with this one. Like driving a Mini-Cooper through a hangar. Let it die, after the second one (which wasn’t all that good but it was okay) they need to fucking stop.
4. Saw movies. For fucks sake, WHO IS WATCHING THIS SHIT?! I mean fucking seriously?! What is wrong with you braindead assholes?!
5. AIDS in Africa. Okay, here we go: STOP FUCKING. I know it has been said, but seriously. If you ate as much as you fucked you would be healthy as shit. With AIDS, but still your ass wouldn’t be fucking hungry anymore. I must be missing something but I would rather have key lime pie than about 97% of all women, let alone AIDS infested. I mean, key lime pie never gave me a scare of a cold sore. Women have.
6. Jay–Z/Beyonce. Just stop. Please.
7. People taking 2Pac/Notorious BIG songs. The next nigga that does this shit is getting shot. I don’t care anymore. Call it a threat but I am sick of this shit. Especially Biggie. THE MAN HAD TWO FUCKING ALBUMS WORTH OF GOD DAMN MATERIAL!! I mean, Pac still has songs we haven’t heard so that is logical but still fucking annoying. And he really wasn’t better than Pac anyway. There, I said it. Bring it the fuck on.
8. Turks. You know why.
9. Mandy Moore being hot. Stop it. Seriously. You are keeping me from loving women. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

10. T-Pain. Big ups on your new movie. Heard AVP2 is pretty bad ass. BURN!
11. DJ Khaled. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO?! I hate you and I hope you get eaten by Rick Ross.

There are some other things, but these are the biggies. Let’s keep this bus moving cuz I got thangs to DO!

Question #6: What Are Things You Want To See More Of In 2008

I am GLAD YOU ASKED little Jessica from Portland!

1. NaNa. I love you.

2. Hip Hop not sucking. TI, Kanye West, Common, Talkib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco and UGK all released hot albums in 2007. With more TI, a Lil Wayne album and an OUTKAST ALBUM coming soon this could be the year hip hop makes its comeback. About fucking time, Nelly and Fiddy have been fucking it up for way too long. Rest In Peace, Pimp-C. Sweet Jones.
3. The Rebuilding of R&B. John Legend, Anthony Hamilton and Jill Scott tried to save it but too many shirtless niggas crying about women and talking about how sexy they are kind of put another nail in the coffin. Let us not forget about The King of R&Pee. Hopefully we can get some Angie Stone, D’Angelo (if he lays off the crack) and Erykah Badu to begin the rebuilding stages.
4. Comic book movies with real stars/directors. With The Dark Knight, Iron Man and a revamped The Incredible Hulk, comic book movies are back. We will still get a Ghost Rider or Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer but you have to go through a few duds before you get a gem.
5. NLT. Boy bands are BACK, BITCHES! I mean that with the upmost respect, to all bitches.

6. Good anime. Where in the hell is the new stuff?! Since Darker Than Black and the new Gundam (to which I am “meh” because the best part about Gundam is the music) the cupboard has been bare!
7. Usher. Where in the fuck is Usher? This is getting real old, dude! Give me another “Yeah” by April or the puppy gets it! I aint fucking around!
8. Alicia Keys. See NaNa, multiply by 52,878,941,239 and spin around twice. Makes me regret swearing off women for 2008, but not like I will ever meet her. If I did…I would probably just pass the hell out. Just perfect in every way

9. Justin Timberlake. I said some mean things to you after the Price incident but I am sorry. It’s just Prince is Prince and I got defensive. It’s okay, you can come home!
10. May J. Mmmmmmmmm, tastes goooooooooooooooooooood!!!!

If you don’t want some of that, something is wrong with you.
11. Bi (Rain). The only reason Korea should exist aside from BoA. I am totally looking forward to Speed Race solely for him.

Again, if you don’t want some of that something is wrong with you. I mean….if Korean hawties are your thing. Not mine, I like boobies.

Oh, and give me a little more Yui and I should be good for 2008. I miss my baby!

I know you are sad as well, but it is time for the last Omnibus stop of the year!

Question #7: At The End Of The Day, What Did You Learn In 2007?

Jimmy of Birmingham, Alabama….this one is for you! Although I am surprised you were able to compose such a coherent bunch of words. They’s reading in the Souf! Well, I learned some things this year. What did I learn you ask?

• I learned that I am a total fashionista. I had no idea I was such an accessory whore.
• People really….really….really….just don’t like me. It’s weird, I give of the aura of “FUCK THAT NIGGA!” or something because man, I get the mean much from men and women 24/7.
• I look damn good. Mostly for myself because people don’t care but dammit…I am one sexy bitch! I work it like a rib at a family cookout when it comes to looking funky fresh dressed!
• I am incapable of love. That and I love too much which really makes for some awkward moments.
• Nothing hotter than a crazy woman. Damn it…just hot. Glad I’m swearing them off.
• Still don’t like bros. Hide your scotch!
• I have accepted being a nerd. Took two years, but it is what it is.

My god…I may have to do that dance at NDK or something. Nerds get that song. If you aint a nerd, you are an r-tard!

Well, the Omnibus has made its rounds and it is time to park at the terminal until 2008. It has been an awesome year this year for the Passion of Chachi Blog (and to a lesser extent my MySpace blog). Although I have posted a LOT less this year (Only 194 times, not including the Year End Extravaganza) a lot more was said, more fun was had and the rants were a lot better than my original work. Correct me if I am wrong. I want to thank you for the time you spend on my blog looking at my bitching and other posts. A really big thank you for making Douchebrawl as big as it was last year (Hey, I am happy with 900 people voting seeing as I only have three friends that don’t owe me money) and here is hoping that it will be bigger in 2008. I want to thank all the people that pissed me off, broke my heart and gave me inspiration this year to give me the fuel for the fire to keep on producing the rants. I want to thank the people who enjoy the J-pop enough to frequent the blog each Friday. I know I don’t say this enough…if at all because I am all about the Deuce but….

THANK YOU, PEEPS.

The Year End Extravaganza will be up tomorrow afternoon or morning as I will either be in Denver or party hopping tomorrow night. I will try to post on New Year’s Day if I am coherent (like that has stopped me. Every post in 2006 I was probably drunk or drinking) but I will most def be back on Friday for the first Countdown of 2008. Doucheology 101 will also be up next week (Earlier than last year, but I want this to be BIG so I am putting more time into it) so stay tuned! Until next year, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

It's Revolution Time, Brothaz!

What is up, peeps! The Countdown came a week early but don’t worry. It will be on your normal Friday schedule next week! The reason it came a day early is I have done something that I have never done. I am actually going to make some changes this year. No, not resolutions because those are for pussies. I am making massive changes. Overhauls if you will. I am going all out because everything sucks and it is time to follow my own advice and man up. It…..is REVOLUTION TIME, BITCHES! So, for the first time ever, I give to you….

Chachi’s New Year’s Revolutions!

New Year’s Revolution #1: Drink More, Eat Less.

Yes, the Deuce is going to attempt to slim down. It isn’t for others as much as I really, REALLY like fashion. I have been slimming down SOME but I am just thinking about hitting up the full blown crack. I mean I know it is not going to happen overnight and I know I have to cut back on the key lime pie (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) but at the same time, I want to shop in the regular people store. And I don’t want to be that guy that is so fucking fat that he sweats when he talks and gets winded masturbating. I will be doing that way too much to get tired each time (more on that later).

To go along with that, I am going to drink a hell of a lot more. My logic is this: my alcohol tolerance is pretty high right now at this weight so if I drink more to go along with my eventual weight loss, by the time I hit a reasonable weight I should be impervious the effects of alcohol! My logic is flawless! Not only that, by Spring I should be on my own in which every night is a SLUMBER PARTY! Man, I am never going to catch a wife with that attitude. With that being said….

New Year’s Revolution #2: No More Women? Guess It’s Time To Find Me A Collie…

Yes, I am swearing off women for 2008. Well, actually since I was having no luck with the ladies to BEGIN WITH, I guess it’s more just maintaining the status quo rather than giving them up. It has gotten to the point now that like Beavis I am never gonna score. That old dude over there has scored a thousand times and look at me. Sans bitch, as the French like to say. I used to think it wasn’t fair and women were just stupid. They are, don’t get that shit twisted. Women have the brain capacity of an ADD stricken ferret and their logic is just as fucked up (I’m not a whore although I fuck dudes for material gain and skewed self worth! Um….that’s the DEFINITION of whore actually).

However, it is more my fault than theirs because rather than just be myself I try to change and therein lies the biggest issue. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to find someone and be happy in my opinion. Now if you like to be slathered in Dijon mustard and fucked up the ass by a marmot while your girlfriend plays “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us” by Jefferson Starship on your slathered back fat like bongos…then yes you may need to work on some shit before you can settle down with “the one”. At the end of the day, aside from being overweight (and some people find fat folks sexy. Not me because I’m not fat, I’m just livin large!) and a nerd I really don’t personally feel I have many major flaws. I mean, I’m not T-PAIN ugly (Where it literally hurts to look at him), although money makes anyone look good. Women that say it doesn’t is a fucking liar. Explain Akon. I mean I dress well, am cultured and always smell nice. Now I have ALSO learned that women see this as being “gay” but that is fine because it isn’t for them. I look good for the Deuce….and Bi if he would ever return my calls. What I am saying is that I try to be a normal dude and it has gotten me nowhere but brokenhearted and confused about what the hell is going on. *Sigh*, I need a fucking encyclopedia:

Peach Girl, you always know how to say it. Yeah, watching THAT is going to help catch me a fine lady.

The phrase “nice guy” is bullshit because I am not nice. My problem is that I am too much like myself….and myself is a dick. I don’t TRY to be a dick but what I do and say is seen is pretentious, mean and elitist. Oh, sexist and racist but that is a given. Back to the point; I have decided that maybe it is time for me to take a step back from women and figure out what the hell my issue is that only brings on:

• Women over the age of 35 (Which is now beginning to get fucking annoying)
• Women under the age of 21 (Which is now beginning to get REAL fucking annoying)
• Women with boyfriends/husbands that use me to make them jealous (BULLSHIT!)
• Crazy women (Who I love, but man I shouldn’t. Crazy bitches are my “bad boy that can’t be tamed”)
• Gay men (O_o) Yes….this is weird. Almost like God is trying to tell me something.

So with all that said….the Deuce is going to be lonely in 2008. Not like that is changed from what my life is NOW but at least now I know why it’s happening. But I will survive!

Okay…that is fucked up. So this year is about coming to grips with myself and finding out whether I am capable of love at all. The answer is probably “no” but at least I can say I tried.

New Year’s Revolution #3: Simmer Down?

As all of you know, I don’t like any races. Hell, I don’t really like much of anyone right about now that breaking them down by race takes too long and gives them way to much of my time. However, maybe its about time I laid off some of the people out there. I mean, I am kind of a jerk. Okay, I am a total asshole and I need to simmer down. It is a big catalyst for me being single (Women don’t like being told about how big of a dipshit they are being, no matter how right you are. They are stupid creatures that way) and it really alienates me to having…..three friends? And Griff but that is more because I really will need a liver and a kidney and he is a pretty healthy cat. So from this point forward, I am going to try to be nicer to people. As much as people need to be told to fuck the hell off, I won’t be the one to do it anymore. In the end, I just want acceptance and the easiest way to get that is to kind of be a pussy or a woman-abuser and (sadly) I am neither.

New Year’s Revolution #4: KEEP IT REAL!!!

In the 2008 I will keep it true to the Deuce. Yes I will take time to take myself to task for being consistently single (Let’s see how long that’s lasts, though. My life will find a way to screw that up because it always has) and I will try to be nicer but in the end….I gotta be me. No faking the funk! No half steppin! Stay down or lay down! More dumbass black dude clichés! In all seriousness, I intend to be me as much as possible…which means that most of my Revolutions (sans the weight thing, for that I really have to man up and make it happen) will be kept because just being me has left me lonely and lacking in the friend department. In the end....I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because I gots to keep it real!

Or maybe not. The fact is when I was a senior in college, I was kind of awesome. People liked me because I was bad ass, not because I was a dick. I was just as jaded, but nowhere near as bitter or heartbroken. Back then, I didn’t care about women and for some reason they thought that was hot. I still don’t get that one because I was in the women’s advocacy group and took women’s studies classes (yes, I could have had a minor if it existed then) and I really didn’t like them. I was respected by black people instead of thought of as gay or bourgeois. Quite simply, I was about the Revolution. What sucks is every time that shit gets rough I go back to that style for about three months but I meet a woman or get a job that just pisses me off to no end and I go to being one cut arm away from being emo. Fuck that shit. Those days are over. It is time….to put some stank on it as Ike Turner would say. This time, the Revolution will not die with money or with the pretenses of love. The Revolution will only die if I get tang! Since that aint gonna happen with a woman’s consent without money involved, it is back and back for a long time! We also have a new theme song for The Revolution. It was TI’s “Bring Em Out” and when I was going to bring the Revolution back before I pondered a new theme. Well, I have found it. The theme for the new Revolution….is DJ DOC’s “Run To You”!

Or DJ OZMA’s “Bounce With Me”

Two songs, two languages, one message. ITS REVOLUTION TIME, BITCHES! That and it is time to do funky fresh dances, which is what the revolution is about for the most part.

New Year’s Revolution #5: Who Needs Love, When You Have Porn?

With swearing off women, this was a very difficult decision to make. However, it had to be done.

I AM GIVING UP PORN….MOSTLY.

I am severely cutting down my porn intake. It has dropped off significantly in the last two years (About the time I began to notice that women actually paid attention to me) but now I am deciding that maybe it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Heh….crack. Anyway, at the end of the day, porn is just really unfulfilling. So after December 31st, 2007 I will be officially be damn near pornless. I say nearly because I am keeping some of my Jasmine Byrne. I need something to get me through the lonely nights….which are every night since I am swearing off women for a while until I find out what the hell my malfunction is. Either way, I am deleting my smut mainly because it gets kind of (or is always) repetitive. It is almost always:

• Kissing
• Oral
• Oral
• Missionary
• Spooning (I think that’s what it is called. Never done it naked so…I’m believing Nicole)
• Cowgirl
• Reverse Cowgirl
• Close-up on Cowgirl (God…I really need to get out the house)
• Anal (This used to be taboo. Now I see this at Wal-Mart. Anal Wednesday Madness!)
• Oral, Sometimes Ass-To-Mouth (Wow…I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE)
• Money Shot (Yatzhee!)

Needless to say, not a lot of variety. I don’t want to get into the weird stuff (bondage, GGG, etc) because that doesn’t arouse me as much as scare me from ever wanting to have” teh sex”. So for now, I say adieu to Audrey Bitoni and Avena Lee. No more Nautica Thorn or Marquetta Jewel. Needless to say….masturbation is going to be a lot more difficult now. Thems the breaks.

Well, this New Year will be a new start for the Deuce. No more being a punk bitch, no more whining about women and no more lotion for non-moisture reasons! Happy New Year, fools!

I will TRY to be back up on Sunday for the Year End Chachi Omnibus and on Monday for the Year End Countdown Extravaganza. New Tuesday will also be the first Doucheology as we prepare for the biggest Douchebrawl yet! Stay up and stay tuned!

Chachi Out!

Early Happy New Year's Gift!

What’s up people! It is a day early because of the weekend schedule but you know what it is time for….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!!!

We begin with the newest video from a Countdown “Legend”…

20. John Legend – Show Me (New Entry)

YES! New John Legend! John is back just before the end of the year with a touching video about poverty around the world. The video is simple, just following the life of a young boy in his world but it is very good. The song isn’t as relevant to the video as I would like but the message is more important. Awesome stuff!
19. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #16)
Looks like Kanye was able to hold on to the Top 20 for one more week! He hasn’t released a new video yet, although “Flashing Lights” now looks to be the follow-up to this one. Can’t complain, I like that song.
18. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #19)
NLT makes a modest move this week, up one spot in their forst foray on the Countdown. Not seeing much from these guys on an album front but I am not really trying all that hard to find it yet. This song is enough for me.
17. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (New Entry)

You know, I was considering finally giving some love to “Superstar” featuring Matthew Santos until I saw this video. All I can say is FUCKING HELLS YES. I thought this had a great opportunity to suck but the song is awesome and the video fits the concept. Expect big things from this video. Albeit it is “unofficial” I don’t care. It rules.
16. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #14)
Hayley and company fall two more spots this week and inch closer to falling off the mountain completely. They have another video on here and along with Alicia Keys and NaNa, they are the only artist playing double duty this week.
15. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #12, Five Weeks at #1)
*SOB* Alicia Keys falls a few more with a video that is competing with UGK and John Legend for the biggest video of 2007. I still love this video because….well she looks damn good. Almost makes me not want to go through with my resolutions this year. SPOILER ALERT!!!
14. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #17)

Mmm…..tasty. That is all I will say. Gimmie some of that Sowelu!
13. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #15)
So I just got their Greatest Hits/Best Of compilation which for some asinine reason does NOT HAVE THIS SONG! Either way, their body of work rocks the box so I was cool with that. This song gets a lot of play in the car and the video is being watched in a few minutes.
12. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #9)
Poor Yuna. She falls out of the Top 10 in half the time it took her to get there. Despite that…she is still my number three behind Alicia and NaNa. Well…and May J but she has transcended love.
11. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #13)
Damn it! Never would I think Snoop Dogg would SNIFF the Countdown! Now he is one spot away from being in the Top 10! Well, it is a testament to how bad ass this video is. Makes me want to get some Bootsy Collins and get funky. Well, we made it to the final Top 10 of 2007!
10. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #10)
Mihimaru GT single released on 1/23/2008! YES! Sadly, this video didn’t have the j-pop goodness that was “Gazen Yeah!” and it falls two spots this week. Here is hoping that their new video can get a little bit more awesome to it.
9. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #10)

So Paramore is slowly trying to take the top spot as they move up one place this week. Usually sophomore efforts don’t do as well as the original (sans UVERworld, as their second official video beat out “SHAMROCK” in terms of success) so it will be interesting to see if this video can conquer where “Misery Business” came so close.
8. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #11)
Three Top 10 videos in one year? Not too shabby! Only TI, Yui and John Legend can say that for 2007 so ABS is some exclusive company! Can they capture their second number one video?
7. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #6)
One Republic is slowly moving down this week, falling one spot. I think “Stop and Stare” will be the second video and I have been listening to that one for a good while and I like it. It has no Timbaland so I am not sure how the masses will like it, though.
6. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #3)
After two weeks as runner up, TI continues his fall down the Countdown, falling out of the Top 5. Oddly enough, he seems to be guest-spotting on every damn song out there a la Lil’ Wayne. Can’t complain about that. The more TI the better. On to the last Top 5 of 2007!
5. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #7)

NaNa joins UVERworld, Young Jeezy and Foxxi MisQ as the only artist/group with two videos in the Top Five! Wait, Young Jeezy?! Oh, yeah. The “Top Back Remix” and “I Luv It” earlier this year. Wow….that is pretty exclusive company. Either way, NaNa is officially heating up the Countdown this cold ass day and ends 2007 as arguably the biggest artist going in to 2008. Almost a lock for Artist of the Year.
4. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #5)
Not quite! If Alicia can keep this run going, NaNa has some competition next year! This mini-movie moves closer to giving her the second number one video from her latest album. Oh…and she is fine as hell. We are down to the biggest three videos of this last week of the 2K7!
3. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #4)

May J barely made it, but she has her second Top 3 video of 2007! It has been over 9 months since she has been this high and here is hoping she can top the three weeks she spent at number two and take the crown! Dare I say….the biggest album of 2008 (it was released after the December 1st cutoff)? Maybe! We are down to two!
2. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #2)

In a shocker, The Fu is held from the top spot for the second week in a row! NO NEW BLEACH UNTIL THE 9TH OF JANUARY?! BULLSHIT! Eh, I can wait. I waited for sex (that hasn’t happened in the biblical sense) so I can wait for Bleach. This video is still awesome although I guess missing them for this long made me want something new right now. Gimmie more! Well, the top of the chart looks the same as it has for the last month or so….
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Five Weeks at #1)

FIVE WEEKS! NaNa has tied Alicia Keys for the second longest running Number One of 2007 and the second longest run by a female artist! This video is STILL bangin even with her new video creeping up behind! She is heading for a pretty dominant 2008 if she keeps this up! Congrats on five weeks at the top!

That is all for this year! Tune in next Friday for the first Top 20 Video Countdown of 2008! Can NaNa begin the New Year where she ended the last by looking down at the competition? Or will the Asian Kung Fu Generation FINALLY take the crown for themselves and Bleach opening themes? Or can May J finally put her fine self at the top and make a run for the Queen of the Countdown? Look out for Alicia Keys and NaNa’s OTHER VIDEO in the Top 5. Look out for Abingdon Boys School as they hold it down for the men! See you next week!

Well, enjoy the New Year peeps! I will be back on either Friday or Saturday for my New Years Resolutions’ post and then on Sunday or Monday for my Year End Omnibus (I haven’t even started working on it yet. Fuuuuuuck). I need a window because I am far behind on the blog. Don’t worry, I will be caught up by the end of the month.

Early Happy New Year!

Fuck Apple In Their Non-Software Working Heads.

So let me get this straight: iTunes is supposed to be SOOOOO much easier to use and a better solution than Windows Media Player 10. Its supposed to be compatible with Windows Vista and make my playing of music SOOOO much fucking easier. So why IN THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD A FUCKING PATCH SO I CAN ACTUALLY RUN MY MOTHERFUCKING SYSTEM?!

Fuck Apple. Fuck them in their fucking heads. For about two months I thought that I was leaking memory when it seems that iTunes has been fucking with my Internet Explorer, Windows Media Player, Winamp, ALL OF MY CODECS and of course my operating system as a whole because my iPod just cant be seen as a generic hard drive because it is from FUCKING APPLE! What kind of sense does that make? By doing all of that and making a piece of proprietary hardware that is designed to work with a Mac yet trying to make it work on a PC it makes it nigh difficult to use. Half the time it doesn’t update even after I add songs two or three times. It all of a sudden just shuts the fuck down in the middle of searching for a song (when not plugged in, mind you) and this is my favorite: it actually crashed my Internet Explorer. Seriously, when I update my playlist and try to run IE, my IE will not right click and half of the toolbar is missing. My resources show plenty of memory left but I can’t even open My Computer. As soon as I un-dock my iPod, Jesus reach-arounds my computer or something because magically it FUCKING WORKS!

I swear on everything my next MP3 player is a fucking Zune. That thing licks more ass than (sadly) Jasmine Byrne but at least it’s not an Apple product and it fucking works with Windows. Supposedly, anyway. Before you start spewing off about how it is easy to run iTunes on a Mac and maybe I should switch rememeber this:

COMPATIBILITY

Apple says it is compatible with Vista. Guess what, unless you download a patch that only PARTLY FIXES THE PROBLEM then it isn’t. How can so many companies have drivers that work on PC’s and that white piece of shit called a Mac but I can’t update my iPod without crashing my fucking interface? They are bold faced liars. Instead of focusing on updating the hardware with more shit that people don’t need and trying to lure away the moron PC buyers while alienating your hardcore base, try making the basic shit work for those of us who got our iPod’s at 70% off of list and use it because it USED to be easy to work with. What is EVEN BETTER is that I am forced to install QuickTime with iTunes STILL TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING DAY! You know how many QuickTime files I have? One, and that bitch has never worked. Sucks because I really like AAA’s music videos but I downloaded it in a MPEG and that shit works awesome. I only have iTunes for my fucking iPod, I don’t need or want your shitty ass player. Which by the way, always wants to play every file just to say that it can’t fucking play it. Even better, I just saw what happened to someone that upgraded to the new iTunes:

Way to “just work” fucky. I am so not looking forward to this shit. Let me just have iTunes, you brain-dead pricks…that works. Just a caveat. Microsoft may suck, but at least it works at a 75%-80% clip and does what I want to do. At least Microsoft isn’t illegal in some companies.

It is official….Macs are the Mormons of the computer world. They look nice enough and seem to be a refreshing change from your run of the mill fucktard Christians but in the end, they suck JUST AS MUCH as Christians because their books and thought process are just as stupid but they try to convince you it’s a better way. And it costs more to be a Mormon, too.

Oh, they are also money grubbing fuckers:

You fuck over non-Mac users AND artists? To Urge I go!

I’m off to bed.

Christmasmania....Showcase of the Fictional Characters!!

Merry Christmas, peeps! I have a special Christmas post for you guys, mainly because it is too cold to be outside just yet. Fuck that shit, 9 degrees can eat my ass twice on Wednesday. So another Christmas has come and gifts were exchanged and once again no one gave a shit about Jesus or his fake ass birthday. With that being said, I have an idea for all you Christians out there. An idea that I pitched a few years ago in college during my Philosophy of Religion class that was met with boos and hisses because the CSP loves their Jebus. Why don’t you dumbasses…

MOVE CHRISTMAS TO A NEW DAY?!

Think about it. The only thing Christ-like about Christmas are the carols. And all the good ones are about Santa or the season. “Santa Claus is Coming To Town?” No Jesus in that. “Jingle Bell Rock?” All about how much the season rocks but no King of the Jews in that (more on THAT SHIT later). “Last Christmas?!” Proves that George Michael is bigger than Jesus. There, I said it. The simple fact is that no one cares about Jesus anymore during Christmas time. I don’t give a fuck about him on Easter or St. Patrick’s Day either but on his own supposed birthday he shouldn’t take a back seat to a fat felon in a gay red suit that abuses reindeer and sodomizes elves (Because Ms. Claus aint down with the butt-sex) and only works one day a year. He’s no better than the Groundhog!

So here is my idea: the third Sunday of December. Every year, the third Sunday in December can be used to celebrate Jesus’ fake ass birthday. We can sing carols of his life and (sweet) death and have that dumb ass Charlie Brown Christmas special (Yes, I hate that one. I really do) and see those shitty movies about how people thing the Christmas season has ANYTHING to do with Jesus. The season is about giving gifts and drinking eggnog spiked with rum and/or bourbon and/or whiskey and/or Tuaca (which I am totally hitting up when I get paid). If anything, celebrating the birth of a dude that died because he was a pussy really casts a downer on the season. I am just saying. So give Jesus his own day and let Santa keep December 25th. I’m sorry Big J, you lost this round.

Well, I want to wish everyone a happy holiday this year. Now it is time to prepare for the mind-numbing action that will be New Year’s Eve. I will try to be back up on Thursday with a rant as I prepare for the New Years Resolution post, the Top 100 Music Videos of 2007 and the Year End Omnibus. I will try to knock those out this week so I can rest in January. Until then, stay up peeps. I leave you with EXILE. J-pop + Christmas + funky fresh dance moves = CHRISTMAS RULES!

I want some fucking Christmas cake, dammit!

Chachi Out and Merry Christmas!

Queen of the Pack?

What is up, peeps! As usual it is a fucking cold Friday but you know I gotta give you the staple….albeit late as hell once again. It’s time for the …

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a superstar in 2007 on her way out…

20. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #18)
After three months, Nelly Furtado is on her way off the Countdown. She once again did not hit number one, making her only one for four with her last album’s videos. Even still, she was at number two three times for a combined 8 weeks which by default makes her Queen of the Countdown. Or does it?
19. NLT – I Said, She Said (New Entry)

YES! Finally a new boy band! NLT has caught my attention with this song and video. Mainly because of Timbaland’s production but this is a very well put together song and the video reminds me of something a young 98 Degrees would do. Very catchy. Can they make an impact on the Countdown in 2008?
18. Daughtry – Over You (Last Week #16)
After a pretty big 2007, Daughtry looks to begin 2008 without a video on the Countdown. This video falls two more spots and looks to not be here next week. Kind of looking for something new. Also….Blake Lewis doesn’t SUCK as bad as I thought. His single is okay and I will listen to his album in a second. Weird, I swore he would set music back 20 years.
17. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #19)
YUMMY. All I can say about her. Sowelu moves up a modest two spots as she looks for her second number one. Needless to say, she is heating up the Countdown.
16. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #14)
Kanye falls two more spots as he ends 2007 on a high note. I still haven’t found a video for “Champion” but given the circumstances I don’t blame him. Take your time.
15. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #17)
H&MC are back and quickly moving up the Countdown! They are halfway to the top 10 for the first time ever and are looking for more. No word of a new album yet but when there is, I will sure enough get it.
14. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #12)
Paramore continues their slide down the chart this week although they have two videos on here to end the year. Could 2008 be as successful?
13. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #15)

Yeah, this is shocking me too. Snoop Dogg is closing in on the Top 10 and I am shocked because hip hop in the Top 10 is rare unless your name is Kanye West or TI. Even still….this video is bad ass. Cant lie.
12. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #10, Five Weeks at #1)
NOT MY BABY BOO! Alicia falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since September and I am muy trieste. She is so damn fine. Luckily, we will see her on here later. But where?
11. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #13)
ABS is looking for their third Top 10 of 2007! It doesn’t even feel normal to have a Countdown without ABS on there and now things are back to status quo. Now that they are back, I can rest easy. We are in the Top 10!
10. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #11)
Paramore continues their run late this year as they chart their second Top 10! I am totally loving this song right now and this video is a little weird but it is good. That and Hayley is hawt.
9. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #6)
Yuna falls another three big spots this week but barely hangs on to the upper-tier. It has been a pretty good year for Yuna and hopefully 2008 will be Yuna-tastic! Not this week though.
8. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #8)

Mihimaru GT stands pat this week and takes a rest at number eight. The live performances of this song are just awesome. That and I think I am head over heels in love with Hiroko. She is quite nice.
7. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #9)
NaNa inches ever so close to the Top Five this week even as her original video is still near (or maybe AT?) the top of the charts! All I can say is that I love this video and her dancing is on point. Aside from Ciara and BoA (on some days) no one is better. I have said it. The gauntlet has been so thrown!
6. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #5)
One Republic looks to have run out of steam as they fall back one spot this week from the Top 5. Sometimes videos move backward to move forward (see UGK earlier this year) but I don’t know. I heard this song in a birth control commercial. If you don’t get that joke….I can’t help you. To the Top Five!
5. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #7)
Oh yeah. The Top Five has officially been heated up to a toasty 300 Degrees Alicia! This mini-movie moves up to give Alicia her second Top 5 video this month! Can I also say that Alicia is almost better than John Legend live? Can I say that? Because I am.
4. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #4)
May J. stays at number four this week. No complaint on my end. I like seeing her rest for a bit. Makes my day a little bit better each time I see her. We are down to the same three as last week….but in what order?
3. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #2)

TI and company fall a spot from the runner up position to the bronze podium. After two weeks of trying to take his crown back, the king takes a step back and looks to have run out of gas. He is supposedly working on a new album so while he is in jail we should get some tunes, 2Pac style.
2. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #3)

Asian Kung Fu Generation is one step away! They have taken down the King this week as they look to make Bleach three-for-three with number one videos! Even without Bleach, this video stands alone as awesome so it does nothing but help. BTW…2ND BLEACH MOVIE OUT ON THE 22ND!! We are down to one…
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)

…and she is the reigning Queen! NaNa holds the top spot for the 4th week in a row and I don’t think anyone can stop her! A shocking development seeing as how she was a relative unknown (by me) about four months ago. Now she is dominating the Countdown! Congratulations on joining the exclusive One Month Club!

Tune in next week for the final Top 20 Countdown of 2007! Will NaNa hold on for a fifth week? Or will Asian Kung Fu Generation finally get to the top? Or will TI turn it around and get his crown back? See in seven days!

That is all for now! It is but ass cold but I will see Dewey Cox and Sweeny Todd this weekend at some point. Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out!

Time To Sing For My Supper.....

So first things first. It takes a big man to own up to his mistakes. People, I made one a few months ago when I asked for Heath Ledger's head on a platter when I found out he was going to be The Joker in "The Dark Knight". After seeing the trailer before I Am Legend, I have to say....

I'M SORRY.

I was wrong. So far, from what I have seen he totally kicks fucking ass. I mean I may be proven right when it opens next summer, but as of right now I think that he may do a good ass job as the clown prince of crime. Oh, that movie will rock your fucking face. Looks like it will be The Dark Knight, then Iron Man in terms of awesomeness.

So "I Am Legend" wasnt that bad. It was actually very good, albeit about 20 minutes too short. The mutants looked like white 50 Cent's (nice to see him back in movies after King Kong didnt do so well) which means they were FUCKING SCARY. Not only that, Will Smith actually acted. A little, not too much. That aint Big Willie Style. Either way, best movie of the holiday season not starring a jaw-breaking polar bear.

Lastly, I was excited about Speed Racer until I saw this:

I mean it has Bi and he is hella hawt but....is it just me or did it look like it was made by someone that graduated from an online art institute (Westwood, you just got SERVED!)? I dont know, maybe that was just pre-production work to get a trailer out (The Dark Knight clips in the trailer are pre-production and I came twice) but it looks kind of campy. Not in the good way, either. Maybe Bi will have a dance montage to "I'm Coming" because that could save any movie. Even "The Passion".

No, not really. Movie Jesus didnt have funky fresh dance moves. Excuse me, I am going to watch Southland Tales. The Rock + Singing = count me in!

Chachi Out

2007....The Year So Much Music Died.

What is up, bitches?! Three posts in a week is the most I have had in a long ass time, I must say. But I forgot to post something from the other day and know is as good as any.

As you all know…Ike Turner passed away on Wednesday of this week. Now I for one was saddened because we lost not only one of the world’s greatest musical talents, we lost one of the most skilled beaters in the history of the world. Ike turned smacking a woman for talking a bit too much into an art. Much like the art and porn debate, there is a thin line between abuse and letting a woman know you don’t need no help. Ike created and proceeded to beat that line with a boot. Then write a hit song for said line. Then beat that line again for not singing it right. Needless to say, Ike was a legend behind the guitar and breaking his foot off in Tina’s behind. His work on guitar and production behind Tina will always be remembered by me with such great hits as “Proud Mary”:

And the timeless rendition of “Get Back”:

Not only did Ike achieve success with hits with Tina, he had a good solo career. He capped it off with a Grammy earlier this year. Even his parodies were awesome. David Alan Grier perhaps made me laugh the hardest I ever laughed with “Ike Strikes Back”. I know I joke about domestic violence but I know it is wrong. What Ike did to Tina was horrible but he tried his best to make amends (except for the “I hit her, but I didn’t hit her with no boot!” line. Why, Ike? Why?) and in the end I believe that Ike understood the joke he because and knew that all he could do was accept his faults and do what he did best: make good music. With both Pimp C and Ike Turner dying this has been a rough few weeks musically for everyone. To pay respect…here is “I Miss My Homies” by Master P, Silkk Tha Shocker and Pimp-C himself.

Why Pimp C and Ike?! R. Kelly is peeing on someone RIGHT NOW and alive. Proof there is no god. *SIGH* Well, I will remember the good times.

Chad Butler AKA Pimp C
(December 29, 1973 – December 4, 2007)
Rest In Peace.....SWEET JONES!

Ike Wister Turner
(November 5, 1931 – December 12, 2007)
Rest in Peace.....Leon, Lets Go Get A Pizza!

One love, peeps. One love.

Cant Talk Gotta Run!!

No time to waste! Will Smith is waiting! Gotta give you what you want!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!

We start with the biggest artist of 2007 ending the year on a bittersweet note!

20. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #17)
Yui falls three spots in what could be her last week on the Countdown. It seems like yesterday “Rolling Star” was burning up the charts. Gimme something new, woman!
19. Sowelu – Hikari (New Entry)

MY BABY BOO IS BACK! Just watch and feel the heat. 2007….hawtest year ever.
18. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #16)
After a pretty big year (not as big as 2006 but still) Nelly Furtado is ending the year on kind of a low. Hope this means new stuff in 2008!
17. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #20)
This video is finally getting into a groove with me. Some videos I like initially and then they fall off but this is slowly gaining steam.
16. Daughtry – Over You (Last Week #14)

Case in point: after a while this video began to depress me because nothing is wrong with alcohol, the problem is with alcoholics. Remember that, peeps.
15. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #18)
Okay, this video is bad ass. And this song is rolling groove goodness to boot. Maybe all of his stuff will be like this from now on….
14. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #12)
Kanye is finally getting weighed down by the Pain. Anyone heard anything about “Champion” yet?
13. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #15)
After a big Chachi Awards performance, ABS is attempting to get three videos in the Top 10 for 2007. Can they get it done?
12. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #8)

Paramore came THIS CLOSE to having two videos in the Top 10 at once. Even still this is their first of two on the Top 20 and that aint bad at all….
11. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #13)
….because here is the second. It has been a good 4 months for Paramore, here is hoping for a follow up to “Riot!” soon. Onto the Top 10!
10. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #4, Five Weeks at #1, Plunge of the Week)
We begin with a huge plunge! The Queen of the Countdown falls six big spots this week but still keeps two videos in the Top 10! Maybe the number one spot on the Year End Countdown?
9. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #11)
NaNa has dominated the last three months of 2007! A number one video and another riding high? Who knew a cute girl could steal my heart so? Story of my life…
8. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #10)
Another group that is coming on strong to end 2007. Can they take the top spot before 2008?
7. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #9)

Alicia Keys second video in the Top 10 is the shortest epic ever. This is how you do a music video with a plot. Just good stuff.
6. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #3)
NOOOOOO! Yuna Ito falls a big three spots out of the Top Three this week. Kind of sad after the dominance of “I’m Here” but the videos above this mean business. And she did a song with Celine Dion. WHAT THE FUCK, YUNA?! WHY?! GOD, WHY?!?!?!
5. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Too Late (Last Week #7)
One Republic wants the top spot! Timbaland hasn’t been this high in a long time unless you count the Nelly Furtado beats. Can they take on the vets?
4. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #6)
May J. attempts to take what eluded her earlier this year: the top spot! Can she take the crown….with her FINE SELF? Also, check out her album. It’s pretty damn good!
3. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #5)

AKFG (I abriviated. On short time!) moves into the Top Three as it attempts to become the third Bleach opening to go to number one. Also, the manga of Bleach is kicking ass a whole lot. I am still waiting for Kenpachi to cut loose. AND I SO WANT TO SEE THE MOVIE!!!
2. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #2)

TI holds on to the runner up position for a second straight week. If has been a good and bad year for Tip, but I figure he will get his head right in 2008. That leaves us with one…
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

For the third straight week, NaNa holds down the number one spot! After a long journey, she holds on and looks primed to not let go, either! Can anyone derail the hawtness train that is NaNa?!

That is all for this week! I am out to see “I Am Legend” as I type this so that is why this Countdown was more condensed that usual. I will be back to normal next week as odds are I won’t be out until 1am next Thursday night. Until then, stay up peep!

Chachi Out!

Fuck. FUCK. FUCK! FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

God motherfucking dammit pirate whore fuck shit cockslot FUCKITY FUCK DICK! Bobby Petrino can rot in fucking hell. Fuck you....you...FUCK! First Mike Vick decides to kill dogs. No crime in my book if you have seen Cujo or All Dogs Go To Heaven (In that case, why are people bitching?! They are in a better place any-damn-way!) but according to the LAW he is in jail for about 18 months. All that speed should help you dodge rapes and your arms should get strong from all the masturbating and handjobs you will be performing to survive. Fuck you, Mike Vick. Fuck you in your stupid head.

Then, players left and right support his stupid ass and act a fool (DeAngelo Hall you worthless fuck and your dumbass personal foul calls against Carolina when we had a 10 point lead. Thank you for officially fucking over our season. Football is about momentum and you killed it, you brain-dead shit) pretty much phoning it in unless your name is Roddy White. Thank you for giving me hope that you will probably take your talent elsewhere because the Falcons suck balls and probably will for at LEAST two more seasons. Great, losing the only good player on the team that is under 700 pounds (Alge Crumpler. I know I am fat but DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!) should do wonders for bringing fans back to the dome.

Lastly, it looks like Bobby Petrino is taking his fickle ass back to the college ranks to join other worthless fucks like Nick Saban and Steve Spurrier (who can both die in hell and I will piss on their cats if they have them) who left NFL teams completely FUCKED UP. Now before you sit back and say it is all Vick's fault remember: there are 53 (at least) other players on that team not counting practice squads. There are also coaches that implement a system that these players run. Petrino GUTTED THE FUCK out of a team that was consistently average (8-8 in 2005, 7-9 in 2006) that was really just hampered by injuries on defense and a predictable, underachieving offense. When healthy, this team was a game away from the Super Bowl with almost the same exact personnel. Instead of taking what was in the cupboard and re-tooling it using what they did well (run the ball and...not throw the ball) he re-tooled and fucked up everything. Now I know not having Vick is a wildcard that could make them 3-10 or 10-3 but lets be real: the spread offense does NOT WORK in the NFL, even with good players unless you run the ball. By getting rid of the people already there he put in a system that was not a fit for the players they had and by losing arguably the most dynamic player at QB he totally screwed over the players and fans. Congratulations, shitbag. Enjoy Arkansas. I hope LSU and Auburn rape your ass every Saturday, figuratively and literally.

Lastly to Arthur Blank. I don’t know what to say right now. I want to be pissed at you for letting Peter Kerney (who is OWNING in Seattle) and Matt Schaub (who has the HOUSTON TEXANS in the playoff race) go but I cant because sadly that is the salary cap day we as fans have to live in. However...the fact that you invested so much in a man that was a habitual line stepper is disheartening. Mike Vick was known to be a fuck-up since college and you put so much into him. Was he electrifying? Without a doubt. Was he worth 110 million dollars? FUCK NO. You reap what you so. You put the franchise in the hands of someone that couldn’t run his own life and you got what you should have: a franchise in disarray as much as his own life was and is.

That being said, I will always be an Atlanta Falcons fan. I have been a fan since 1986 and will be forever. However....I will never forgive Mike Vick. Legal stupidity aside because I have my own issues with what he did. You lied. You lied to me and you lied to your fans. You lied to the people that defended you when you were at your worst and spoke the highest of you when you were at your peak. We consistently accepted your apologies and you habitually disappointed us. I have never really been a "Super Fan" but I was a fan of Falcons football and I was a true fan of Vick. Maybe I shouldn’t have been and I accept blame for investing so much pride in a man that obviously couldn’t have given a flying fuck about the people that support him. I own four Mike Vick jerseys and I will never wear any of them again. I have never been so disappointed. First Chris Benoit and now you. This has been a really bad year.

I rarely do sports blogs on here but as a few of you know I am a huge Falcons fan and have stuck with them through many a shitty year. I really had to get this out. I will be back on Friday, maybe sooner. Until then, peace out.

Oh, and if the Atlanta Falcons staff is reading this (and I know they aren’t)….please start DJ Shockley once he gets healthy. Proven winner and all the tools. Focus on fixing that line in the draft. Not like we could do any WORSE.

Now I’m out.

People Get Ready...THE CHACHI BUS IS COMING!

What is up, people! It is a COLD ASS SUNDAY in the CSP and I want to go outside but….screw that. It is fucking cold out there. I may work from home tomorrow if it doesn’t get much better. Which it WILL because I want to do that. It is just my luck and all.

Well, I saw The Golden Compass on Friday night before the weather turned to shit and I all can say is AWESOME.! Let’s have a rundown:

Sam Elliott (The Stranger from “The Big Lebowski) being FUCKING AWESOME?: CHECK
Ian McKellan voicing a polar bear?: CHECK
A ferret getting its shit OWNED by the funny looking pilot monkey from Star Wars?: CHECK
A bear getting its lower mandible WRECKED by another bear in MORTAL KOMBAT?!: CHECK (What can I say, the best bear violence is bear on bear violence).
Ugly, UGLY British children?: CHECK. I swear; the Brits raise some fugly children. You saw Harry Potter and Narnia. Look like they fly the Ugly Jack, not the Union Jack.
Spunky young heroine?: CHECK. Normally I am not for women doing something action based unless it involves achieving Bankai or wrecking the shit of the Injustice Gang but Dakota Blue Richards was awesome in this movie.
Implied Muslim and Catholic unity to take down the free thinking normal people?: CHECK. You tell me that the soldiers with the wolf daemons weren’t Arabs and I will call you a moron. That is where the world is heading. I mean both Catholics and Muslims believe in some dumb ass shit so you know them teaming up and forming a stupidest team-up that no one gives a fuck about since the shitty Lord Magmar joined sides with the equally shitty Cy-Kill in GoBots: Battle of the Rock Lords:

Anyone who remembers this movie is probably pissed at me for bringing it up. I apologize but that is how much Catholics and Islamic extremists piss me off.
Meeting party members like Final Fantasy?: CHECK. They even had an airship! All they need now is a black mage and some chocobos and we are in business.
Nicole Kidman officially creeping me the fuck out?: CHECK. I just don’t see how people find her hot. If little redheaded ginger boy bodies are your thing then go for it. I will stick with Sowelu:

Yeah, I was just looking for an excuse to put my baby boo on a blog.

Overall, I have to say that The Golden Compass will not do the numbers of (ugh) Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter because people in America love the Jebus and hate things that rule. Think about it: why do we have 50 Cent and Carrie Underwood (who both suck sweaty camel balls) all over the place while I have to dig for an Abingdon Boys School video even though they kick more ass than the previous fucktards combined. This movie had EVERYTHING in it, including a sweeping score and pretty good acting. Better than Harry Potter, anyway. Overall, I liked this movie more than any holiday film I have seen and is easily the best film of the holiday season. Besides….it has bears fighting! Get off your ass and go see it! I give The Golden Compass...

10 Out of 10 Stars!

Now you know what time it is. It is rant time! Yes, it has been a while but it is about that time. Boy, am I pissed the hell off about a lot of shit. So rather than rant on ONE thing, I will rant on MANY THINGS! The weather outside is frightful, but the Chachi is rather delightful because it is time for…

CHACHI’S RANT OMNIBUS III: 2007 Year In Review!

Let’s get this bus a-movin!

Question 1: Do You Believe That Chivalry Is Still Dead?

Well, after my experiences with the female persuasion of 2006 I thought that all women were evil succubae that lived to destroy and suck all the life out of men, and not in the good way. The women I dealt with (which weren’t many, like four) were either all about “grrl power” to a fault or felt a man should do EVERYTHING and I am all about neither. Either I was to NEVER hold open a door or I was to do everything for her and take her stupidity and male bashing in stride because she had been “wronged”. After 2007, I must say that I learned a lot about how women view chivalry and while my view hasn’t totally changed it had expanded. After this year I realized that I still believe it is dying but it being dead varies by the man and the woman. It’s like this. You can write this down, use it on your significant other or say you said it. But you heard it here first:

“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”

Like I said, this is from my own experience and observation but after conferring with others I have realized that this is actually a very true statement. Women view men doing tasks for them as taking away from their independence (Not my words, three separate women who were talking about opening doors and pulling out chairs which I do and have been stared at like a fucking weirdo each time except for once) while men feel that if they do the simple things for women (buy dinner, open doors, treat them like human-fucking-beings) that she “owe him something”. Now I think that in the few times a woman actually either got drunk enough or desperate enough to agree to go out with me (not a date, just as a dyad in a place at the same time) I have not paid only….twice? Never have I felt that a woman owed me anything for doing what as a man I believe I should do any-fucking-way. I pay because I want to and I should. Is it old-fashioned and out-dated? Yes, but so is two back set in the running game but people do it because it works. If a woman wants to pay I usually say no unless it is agreed upon before hand and usually they get al skittish because THEY are expecting me to owe them something because that was taught to you by bitch-ass niggas and your dumb ass mother. Blame them for being stupid not me for having manners.

Which all that being said, chivalry is a two way street. A woman has to understand that chivalry is about manners and kindness, not about ownership and quid por quo. A MAN NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE SAME FUCKING THING! You buy her dinner if you two go out, she owes you jack shit but a thank you. And if you are a dick about it, she doesn’t owe you THAT. Do your fucking job and if she is a real woman, she will be appreciative. That doesn’t mean mouth love (although mouth love on a first date would make me suspicious about a woman ANYWAY) but along the line, if she sees you aren’t a total fucktard and you see she isn’t a total headcase bitch, good things will happen. Long story short, chivalry as a whole, much like hip hop, is dying. Every once in a while you find a diamond in the rough that appreciates what you do or will treat you how you deserve so it’s not all a loss.

Alright, peeps! Keep your hands inside the window because we are rolling on!

Question 2: Do Black Woman Still Not Like You?

You know what? I think this has been a misunderstanding. Its not that black women don’t LIKE me as much as I don’t relate to what is perceived as being “black” in America. Let’s add it all up:
1. I like to go to musicals
2. I listen to Japanese pop
3. I play video games
4. I watch anime
5. I really don’t like rap or r&b for the most part
6. I LOVE THE 80’s! If you don’t, you are a dumbass
7. I watch Adult Swim (Aqua Teens, Venture Brothers, etc.)
8. I use words and phrases that are above everyone’s heads but Nolan and Zach’s. Women hate that shit I have learned. Gotta keep it at an MTV level.
9. I think Bi is HAWT. But in my defense….he's fucking HAWT!

10. I don’t want to get shot, so I stay away from places Blacks frequent (Eden, I am looking squarely at you. Great establishment but I don’t want to dodge bullets on Friday nights)

Combine that with some other factors (no longer live by myself, I’m kind of a prick, no one gets my jokes except for three or four people, I am incapable of love, I’m not all that sexy) and I am not attractive to ANY WOMAN, let alone black women. When you look at my interests and where I frequent, I only attract two kinds of woman: divorced non-black women over the age of 35 and peppy non-black women under the age of 21. It’s….a conundrum. So it’s not that they don’t like me, it’s that what I do isn’t very appealing. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe Nolan is right: I will have to change myself to find a lady. Never, I keeps it real! Real lonely!

Buckle up, people! We are taking a road trip to another question!

Question 3: Do You Still Think That Rape and Abuse Can Be Funny?

Okay, I will be the first to admit that the amount of people that read my blog on Blogger has dropped off (from about 100 a day to about 70ish but I hardly update so it is understandable) recently but my “rape can be funny” comment drew some ire from the internet and from people I knew that heard me say it after the “Handbanana” episode of ATHF. Now I never said that rape was “funny” as a whole as much as the concept and act of it can be used in a situation for humor. Like how Uncle Ruckus jokes about lynching on The Boondocks. I mean I enjoy a good lynch party as much as the next guy but the act of lynching isn’t funny. Talking about it as punishment for fouling a white girl? That is humor. Same with rape and domestic violence.

Now as many (or like…two) of you know I joke about abusing women a lot. The reason is because literally 2 out of every 5 of my female friends has been in a relationship where they were abused (verbally, physically and mentally) by a boyfriend or husband for an extended amount of time and ended up BEING DUMPED by the fucker after staying with his trifling ass for long ass times. Now that is the ultimate in irony in my honest opinion but I am broken inside. I’m not going to say that I was mentally abused by a woman but she did fuck me up a tad back in the day so I know the symptoms and I know WHY they stayed and that is why it is funny. It is tragic that it happens but at the same time if you let it happen over and over then you can’t blame anyone but your fool self. Seriously, is a man is kicking your ass or calling you a whore every ten minutes then you need to leave. If you are scared, call the cops. It is what they are there for. I am not blaming the victim; I am asking them to take accountability because an abuser will not because they are fucked up in the head. As the sane one it is up to you to handle the leaving part. If you don’t, then you really can’t complain about jack shit and in the end it become a tad bit ridiculous that you stay because “we have so much history.” Yes and that history is of him kicking your ass like Vader did Sting in the early 90’s:

Now THAT is a beating. When it comes to abuse I joke to make people think. When it comes to rape, it is never funny. Unless it is done by a fictional dog shaped like a banana:

It is time for the last stop of the Chachi Omnibus! Make sure you grab all of your things because this one is a doozy!

Question 4: Compared to 2006, Was 2007 Better?

You know what? In all honesty when I compare last year to this year…2006 was better. Wait, you say? I said 2006 was the year of my discontent? Yes it was but you know what? I learned a lot last year. I met new friends (WHO HAVENT TALKED TO ME IN TWO WEEKS NAMED RICK!), had a pretty good job (Kind of, better than Comcast I tell you what) and I had a lot of fun hanging out in Denver and not remembering what I did. In comparison, the first half of 2007 (January to June) were awesome as hell. I saw Wicked and A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, went to some kick ass places (Sushi Den rocked the box and Cru was wine drinking goodness. I’m definitely going back) and overall had a fun job. Then there was the drinking sake at lunch which always rules. The next month (July) sucked and if you get a few Tuaca Bombs and Blue Moons in me I will tell you about it. From August until October my life SUCKED THE BALLS. I had three jobs, my wife left me, my crankshaft got depressed, ladies stopped calling (like they ever DID) and other stuff that I will go over in my Year In Review post on December 30th. Aside from The Little Mermaid and NDK, it SUCKED. In October I started at Westwood which even though I didn’t stay long, I had the most fun in a while. I liked the people (I still hang out with most of the people I met there) and the job wasn’t bad, albeit repetitive. Then I got the call from HP and since then it has been good times. Overall, 2006 was still better in terms of life lessons. I learned:

1. Never waste money on tickets for “Pirates of Penzance” on a woman because they don’t appreciate shit.
2. 5 vodka tonics, 5 Malibu & Cokes and 6 beers in an two hours means you forget a lot of stuff.
3. Always have a drinking buddy. Between Rick, Zach, Nicole and Jen I learned that I will never be an alcoholic because I never drink alone. Thanks for keeping my delusions real!
4. Driving alone at 3am opens you up to reflection and gives you an appreciation for slow jams.
5. All horrible things will happen in my car.

Most importantly, until I see a midget bouncer and a one armed homeless man in the same day nothing will ever top 2006. But 9 out of 12 months ain’t bad.

Well, the bus has come to a stop for today! I will try to be up more often now with a new job that opens up about an hour for me to rant about things. I like talking to the peeps. Come back more, your dogs are barking.

A few announcements about the upcoming Passion of Chachi blog!

12/30/2007 – The Chachi Year In Review!

I will go over the year that was 2007 with a fine toothed comb with the biggest Omnibus of the year!

12/31/2007 – The Chachi Year End Music Video Extravaganza!

I will countdown the Top 100 videos of 2007! Stay tuned for it!

1/13/2008 – 3rd Annual Douchebrawl Begins!

The first edition of Doucheology for the 3rd Annual 2008 Douchebrawl! I need help to decide if I should bring back Tom and Lindsey!

You know the future dates so stay tuned! Until next time, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out!

SLUMBER PARTY!!! Not Really...

Well it is Friday so you know what day it is and what happens at about this time! It’s time for the….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!!

We start with a debut for a group waiting a LONG TIME for their first video on the Countdown!

20. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (New Entry)

For the first time ever, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR make it onto the Countdown! They have had some kick ass songs and videos but this is their first foray into the Top 20. This video is rather rawk but it’s the SONG that rawks your face off. Like Evanescence with from the Far East.
19. Sowelu, EXILE & DOBERMAN INC – 24 Karat (Last Week #16, One week at #1)
NEW SOWELU! EVEN NEWER EXILE! Two debuts next week, I guarantee it! This video didn’t pull a Chachi this year but it will be on the Year End Extravaganza!
18. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (New Entry)

Yeah, I was shocked too. I would never think that Snoop Dogg would make it on here but lo and behold he makes his first trip. All I can say is that this song is fucking awesome. As for the video…the 70’s were fantastic and you know it. It took 15 years, but Snoop finally made a song I really like.
17. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #14)
This year’s big nominee took home NO VIDEO AWARDS! A shocker, but at the same time UGK had that big of a year. BTW, rest in peace for Pimp C. You will be missed, Sweet Jones.
16. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #11, Plunge of the Week)
Nelly Furtado falls a big five spots this week. Despite that, Nelly won two big Chachi Awards this year, to go along with her three from last year to be the winningest person ever at the Chachi Awards!
15. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #17)

ABS moves up a modest two places after a big day on Sunday. They took home FOUR awards on the music end but were shut out on the video end. They did win the most awards aside from a certain someone…
14. Daughtry – Over You (Last Week #11)
Daughtry falls three spots this week as we move closer to the Top 10. In a shocker, Daughtry was shut out this year thanks to Abingdon Boys School. Take away ABS and he may have been three for three.
13. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #15)
Paramore inches toward their second Top 10 video of 2007. I am wondering if they are going to make a new video or just go for it and create a new album. Here is hoping for the latter because the more Hayley the better.
12. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #9)
Kanye falls out of the Top Ten right before the end of the year. He only won one award this year, but it was the biggest of them all. Supposedly he has a video for “Champion” soon and I am looking forward to that.
11. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)
HELLS. YES. All I can say is that without NaNa my life would be pretty darn crappy right now. She won a Chachi for Best Dance Video (along with Bi) and this video moves up a big EIGHT SPOTS this week! Mmm…this could be the hawtest year ever.
10. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #14)

We are in the Top 10 and Mihimaru GT has their second Top 10 of the last three months! Can this video capture the top spot like “Gazen Yeah!” did? We will have to see because there is some STIFF competition in the Top 10 right now.
9. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #10)
After a huge jump, Alicia Keys moves up only one spot this week. With her fine self. She tied with Abingdon Boys School for the most Chachi’s last Sunday even with her album only being out for two months! Good stuff. Oh, and she is hawt. Just in case I haven’t said it in the last three minutes.
8. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #5)
Paramore falls from the Top Five for the first time in a month after peaking at number 2 three weeks ago. They were shut out of the Chachi’s this year because of ABS but they have had an awesome last quarter of 2007. Can’t argue with two videos in the Top 20.
7. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #8)

One Republic moves up a spot this week as they make their first trip on the Countdown count. It will be interesting to see how they follow this up. This video has been a SMASH all over the place and it is really hard to make another hit like this. I’m just saying.
6. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #7)
Just got May J’s album. The cup….hath been filled.
5. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #2, Five Weeks at #1)
Alicia falls a big three spots this week but stays in the Top 5. She has two videos in the Top 10 and may be able to pull off only what Foxxi MisQ and UVERworld has done and have two videos in the Top 5. Actually, Foxxi had the number two AND three videos at one point but that may never happen again. Or may it?
4. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #6)
The Asian Kung Fu Generation is in the Top 5 for the first time ever! Pretty good for their first time out and being off the scene for about a year or so. On another note, there is no new episode of Bleach this week (to which I say boo) but they are getting ready to cut loose against Espada (kind of) so that should rule.
3. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #4)

Yuna has her second Top Three video of 2007! Yuna hasn’t been this high for a long time and she hopes to stay there. I still love the live performances of this song because…well I think she has nice legs. Sue me, I’m in love.
2. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #3)

TI follows up his two Chachi wins by moving one step closer to his third number one video! I am hoping for something new soon because his first two videos were lackluster. He kind of owes me. With TI at number two, the Champ is still here….
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

….and it is NaNa! She spends her second week at #1 as she has another video moving up the Countdown at rocket speed! I am still waiting for the album but until then I have enough NaNa to last me for a while. Where are the live shows at? I’m thinking it would be like a Namie Amuro show. Congratulations!

That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if NaNa can make it three weeks at the top! Or will finally take his crown back as King? Or will Yuna stake her claim as Queen of the Countdown? Tune in next week to find out! Until then, stay up peeps! I will try to have a blog up this weekend!

Chachi Out!

Sweet Jones....You Will Be Missed.

Today, Pimp C from UGK was found dead in his hotel room in California.

*sigh*

There are no reports of foul play, but that doesnt make it easy. As Griff can tell you, Pimp C had the best verse of all time in the "What Means The World To Me" remix and I will forever say "Hold Up, Beetch!" in his memory. The video won 3 Chachi Awards on Sunday and is without a doubt one of my favorite songs ever so I will put it up one more time:

Smoke something, bitches.

Rest in peace, Pimp C.

The Re-Return of the Chachi Strikes Back Part II: The Reckoning

What is up peeps?! I am back in the in the cut! It has been a while since I have done a straight up blog and needless to say it feels good to be back. I liked unleashing my anger onto the internet. A lot has changed since the last time I was here. I started (another) new job. Yeah, I left Westwood (With a whimper, surprisingly. No SWAT team or anything) and went back to you know who. Hey, he said he would change! Yes, I am joking about abuse and I know I am wrong but so what. It’s how I roll: single and misunderstood.

So I went to Walgreens to get some nasal spray because I am addicted to it when I saw two things. First, I finally found some damn Ju Ju Bees! The most delicious and nutritious food with NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE WHATSOEVER is now being consumed by me. Teeth-rotting goodness! Secondly, I went to the newsstand and I noticed something odd. There was a Japanese woman on the cover of Ebony Magazine:

Now someone told me “that’s not a Japanese woman, that’s Michael Jackson” to which I wanted to say “no shit” until I realized something…

I COULDN’T TELL WHAT HE WAS!

Seriously. Does this look like Michael anymore?

He looks like Ayumi Hamasaki.

That is not good because she looks like she has been cut up more than a white woman at OJ’s house. You know…this is why I don’t have any friends. Anyway, like Katt Williams, I am pretty much through with Mike. I mean….what in the hell, man?! He looks like a bishonen character! Make my words: Michael Jackson will do a manga like Avril Lavigne. And it WILL BE YAOI and then I will have to kick his ass. I don’t want to do that. I liked Thriller.

On another note: last month I mentioned about Colorado Springs being the third drunkest city in America and how our goal is to be number one for 2008. To help that effort, I am not going to drink until New Year’s Eve. Its gonna be tough but I am a man with a lifelong dream. A lifelong dream that I got about a month ago when I saw a random article. Colorado Springs, now is our time to make something out of this town. No longer will we be a city known for dumb ass bros, a bunch of military bases and Jesus freaks. We will be a town that knows how to party! So people, rest up your livers. Come January, it is time to grab the bottle and get to drinking!

I will be back sometime this week before the Countdown with a rant. If not, it will definitely be up on Saturday because this weekend I am taking it easy. Until I return, stay up peeps. Oh, here is something to turn your world upside down:

I mean it sucks....but it is about pirates! Damn you...

Chachi IS BACK!