Greatest. Day. Ever.

First things first. Congratulations, the Patriots have FALLEN!!! Too bad it was Peyton Manning that did it (although it was Joseph Addai got the TD, he is a beast), but at least Tom Brady won't be in the Super Bowl. That makes me happy inside, although he did take DiCaprio
s cookie. DICK MOVE! In a good way, I hate DiCaprio WAY more than Brady. Oh, and it's SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE TIME, PEEPS!!!

Hells yeah. DA BEARS!!

Now, for the conclusion of....

The 2007 Chachi Awards!!!

It's time for the major awards, the big trophies if you will. Here we go, starting with Music!

Video/Song of the Year (Overall)

The nominees are...

John Legend – Save Room

UVERworld - Chance

Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean – Hips Don’t Lie

T.I. – What You Know

M-Flo loves Emi Hinouchi and Ryohei – Summer Time Love

Daniel Powter – Bad Day

And The Winner Is…

John Legend – Save Room!!!

Yes, John Legend deserves this. This was a great ALBUM, not just a great R&B album. This video was a great and actually rather original video. Not the standard 'booty butt, booty butt, booty butt cheeks' fare.

Next we have the Best of the Best in the Movies categories!

Best Movie of the Year

The nominees are...

Accepted

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Thank You For Smoking

Clerks II

Grandma’s Boy

Borat: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

Snakes On A Plane

And The Winner Is…

Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest

This was close. I mean REEEEEAL close between all the movies because I gave all of them 10 out of 10 stars. At the end of the day, even though the ending pissed me off TO NO END, Pirates was the movie of the year. Borat and Clerks 2 made me laugh, Thank You For Smoking and Accepted made me think and Snakes on a Plane and Grandma's Boy just fucking ruled. At the end of the day, Pirates of the Caribbean did all three. And Johnny Depp's hotness counteracted Orlando Bloom's gayness. Next, we go to one of the big two awards...

Lo Pan Badass of the Year Award!!

Lo Pan would be proud. If he gave a fuck, which he doesn't because he is so bad ass. The nominees are...

Iron Man (Civil War)

Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report)

Superboy Prime (Infinite Crisis)

Samoa Joe (TNA)

And The Winner Is…

STEPHEN COLBERT!!! After staring down Papa Bear last week, that solidified his Bad-Assedness. No, it isn't a word. But it will be. Iron Man pissed me off way too much (I HATE TONY STARK. Always have, always will. Just a pussy Batman) and Superboy Prime went out like a bitch. Samoa Joe almost won it, but Stephen Colbert edged him out. I feel a Muscle Buster coming my way pretty soon. Now, time for the final award of the evening...

The First Annual Chuck Norris Moment Of Awesomeness (The Best Moment of the Year)

Yeah, Chuck would be proud. Or not, pride is an emotion and emotions are beneath Chuck Norris. Except hate, because he hates idiots. Anyway, here are the final nominees of the night!

Civil War Arc

I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!

The Gravitas Rematch

In-Vince-ible (Vince Young, 2006 Rose Bowl)

And The Winner Is…

Vince Young in the Rose Bowl!!! Sports fan or not, no athelete, EVER had simply imposed their will on an opponent like Vince did against USC. No one has put their team on their back (MALE OR FEMALE for you gender jerkasses) on such a grand stage, either. 400 plus yards of offense and 3 touchdowns against a team that everyone (myself included) felt could not be beat is remarkable. Two Heisman trophy winners, no less than 3 NFL starters from the defense and at least 3 from the offense and Vince Young just said FUNK DAT! The Gravitas Battle was awesome, Civil War has changed the landscape of comics (which I am sure no one who reads this cares about but I do) and Snakes on a Plane was a hell of a ride. Vince Young redefined what a star performance meant. Great job, Vince. Great job.

Thank you for coming, peeps! That is all for the Chachi Awards for 2007! Tune in next January for the 2008 edition of the Chachi Awards! I want to thank all the people that voted (all three of you) and everyone who came out the see the results!

I also have a big announcement. DOUCHEBRAWL 2007 is coming in Feburary/March! I will have the brackets up soon and your input is grately appreciated! Last year I had the peeps add three people and one was Heather Graham, who almost won! So thank everyone and good night! GO BEARS!!!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love

Welcome Back To The Show!

We are back from our commercial break (Actually I was watching the Colts/Patriots game. My prediction may be right! Colts/Bears, fool!) and we continue the Chachi Awards with the Music and Movie Awards! Lets start off with the Music Chachi's!

Male Artist of the Year (Domestic)

T.I.
Justin Timberlake
Daniel Powter
John Legend
Big Boi

And The Winner Is….

T.I.!!

Female Artist of the Year (Domestic)

Mary J. Blige
Nelly Furtado
Jojo
Shakira
Ciara

And The Winner Is….

Nelly Furtado!!

Group of the Year (Domestic)

All American Rejects
Evanesence
The Fray
Three Days Grace
Rascal Flatts

And The Winner Is….

Evanesence!!

Male Artist of the Year (Forgien)

Bi (Rain)
Se7en
M-Flo
Ken Hirai

And The Winner Is…

Bi!!!

Female Artist of the Year (Forgien)

Kumi Koda
Hyori Lee
Bennie K
A.I.
BoA
Ayumi Hamasaki

And The Winner Is….

Kumi Koda!!

Group of the Year (Forgien)

Flow
UVERworld
Beat Crusaders
Orange Range
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Soul’d Out

And The Winner Is….

UVERworld!!!

Male Artist of the Year (Overall)

Bi (Rain)
T.I.
John Legend
Daniel Powter
Justin Timberlake

And The Winner Is….

John Legend!!!

Female Artist of the Year (Overall)

Mary J. Blige
Kumi Koda
Shakira
Bennie K
Nelly Furtado

And The Winner Is…

Nelly Furtado!!

Group of the Year (Overall)

RBD (Rebelde)
UVERworld
The Fray
Evanesence
Flow
Rascal Flatts

And The Winner Is…

UVERworld!!!

Best New Artist (Overall)

Yui
Young Dro
May J.
Ne-Yo
Daniel Powter

And The Winner Is…

Yui!!

The Video/Song of the Year (and the Movie of the Year) will be in segment three! Next, we have the Movie Awards!

Best Male Performance

Jet Li – Fearless
Johnny Depp – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Aaron Eckart – Thank You For Smoking
Samuel L. Jackson – Snakes On A Plane
Allen Covert – Grandma’s Boy
Sacha Baron Cohen – Borat: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

And The Winner Is…

Sacha Baron Cohen - Borat!!!

Best Female Performance

Kiera Knightly - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Kate Bosworth – Superman Returns
Rosario Dawson – Clerks II
Linda Cardellini – Grandma’s Boy
Kate Beckensale – Underworld: Evolution
Natalie Portman – V For Vendetta

And The Winner Is…

Linda Cardellini – Grandma’s Boy!!!

Worst Movie of the Year

Nacho Libre
An Inconvenient Truth
Miami Vice
Saw III
The Omen
Jackass #2

And The Winner Is….

Nacho Libre!!!

Biggest Disappointment of the Year (Not Bad, Just Not Up To The Hype)

X-Men 3: United
Superman Returns
Talladega Nights
Ergon

And The Winner Is…

Eragon!!!

Surprise of the Year (Movie I Expected To Suck That Kicked Ass)

Accepted
Cars
Silent Hill
Happy Feet
Little Miss Sunshine

And The Winner Is…

Accepted!!!

The Big Awards of the Night will be up soon! Stay tuned!!

We Are Running On A Slight Tape Delay...

Okay, so the awards are running late. Billy Crystal backed out so I had to do the honors myself. So America, Canada, Japan and any other country that is cool enough to read this, I present to you...

THE 2007 CHACHI AWARDS!!!

Yeah, you know you like it. I want to give a quick thank you to Neil Diamond and Jebus because without them there is no me. I also want to thank Pootie Tang and The Big Lebowski. No real reason, those two movies just kick ass. Let's get this shindig started. First up, we have the Individual Awards!

Let's start with the First Annual Gackt Bishie of the Year (Hottest Male) Award! The nominees are....

Johnny Depp
Chris Leak
Matthew McConaughey
Bi (Rain)
T.I.
Justin Timberlake

Stiff competition. Let's find out who the best peice of mancake is. The Winner Is…

Matthew McConaughey!!! Yes, the Too Hot Texan takes home the first Bishie Award! He made us cry in We Are Marshall and made us swoon in Failure To Launch. All around, a hot year for Matt. Now to the next award, the Salma Hayek Hawt Tottie of the Year (Hottest Lady) Award. Ooohhh, my favorite. The nominees are...

Shakira
Esther Baxter
Hyori Lee
Vida Guerra
Kelly Hu
Dulce Maria

Seriously, can we go wrong with any of these, peeps? Hells no. But there has to be a winner. And The Winner Is…

Vida Guerra!!! Yeah, I likes the me some Vida. It was close (there was a vote for Hyori and a vote for Kelly Hu) but Vida takes the Hawt Tottie Award. Well deserved, as she was looking quite nice in 2006. Too bad she got naked and ruined my illusion. Eh, thems the breaks. The next award is a little controversial but its OH SO RIGHT! The nominees for the You + Me = Jailtime Award are...

Jojo
Hayden Panettiere
Alyson Michalka
Hinoi Team

Yeah, that's 5-10 per lady. And The Winner Is…

Hayden Panettiere!!! This is less from Heroes and more from Bring It On: All Or Nothing. Greatest movie ever. Yes, I know she's not 18 but look at her. She knows she ist taunting me with her hotness. It's not fair! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! Well, congratulations. Hayden, you will be getting love notes from me soon. Now for the best award ever. The nominees for the Sigh…I’d Hit That Award are...

Kumi Koda
Christina Milian
Scarlett Johanssen
Lindsay Lohan

And The Winner Is….

Scarlett Johanssen/Kumi Koda!!! Yes, a tie. Scarlett is the 1B compared to Kumi Koda's 1A. Despite the hittability factor of Kumi Koda (and it is HIGH, just look at the Won't Be Long video with EXILE) I could not in goot conscious leave Scarlett out. So, they will share this award, much like I wish they would share me. OH, I'm naughty!

Next on the Chachi's we have the Movie Awards! They will be up later on tonight!

In Awards Presented Earlier Because No One Cares....

Good morning, peeps! It is NFL Conference Championship Sunday so I will of course be watching those games (Bears/Colts is what I hope, but it will be Patriots/Saints because this whole thing is rigged). Because of that, the Chachi’s will be posted in PRIME TIME at 7pm MST (9pm EST)!! The day is finally here, peeps! I told you I would do it, although 5 months late. Much like any award show, there were some awards handed out last night in the parking lot of the Carmike 10 and before the initial airing tonight.

Music

Best Rap Album

Jay Z – Kingdom Come
Young Dro – The Best Thang Smokin’
T.I. – King
The Game – The Doctor’s Advocate
Young Jeezy – The Inspiration

And The Winner Is…

T.I. – King!!!

Best Pop Album

RBD – Celestial
High School Musical Soundtrack
Nelly Furtado – Loose
Rascal Flatts – Me and My Gang
Justin Timberlake – FutureSex/LoveSounds

And The Winner Is…

Nelly Furtado – Loose!!!

Best R&B Album

Beyonce – B’Day
Ne-Yo – In My Own Words
Mary J. Blige – The Breakthrough
John Legend – Once Again
Prince – 3121

And The Winner Is…

John Legend – Once Again!!!

Best Rock Album

AFI – Decemberunderground
UVERworld – Timeless
Three Days Grace – One-X
Breaking Benjamin – Phobia
Evanescence – The Open Door

And The Winner Is…

Three Days Grace – One-X!!!

Best J-Pop/K-Pop Album

Kumi Koda – Black Cherry
Ayumi Hamasaki – Secret
Bi (Rain) – Rain’s World
UVERworld – Timeless
Hikaru Utada – Ultra Blue

And The Winner Is…

Bi (Rain) – Rain’s World!!!

TV

Best TV Show

Heroes
Scrubs
24
Death Note
Friday Night Lights

And The Winner Is…

Scrubs!!!

Best TV Show (Animated)

Death Note
Venture Brothers
Aqua Teen Hung Force
Bleach
Family Guy

And The Winner Is…

Death Note!!!

Best TV Show (Live)

Heroes
Grey’s Anatomy
24
Friday Night Lights
Scrubs

And The Winner Is….

Scrubs!!!

Best TV Show (Reality…Shit I Can’t Believe I Did This…)

Flavor Of Love: Season 2
Surreal Life
American Idol (Until America’s Stupid Ass Voted Out Chris Daughtry)
EgoTrip’s White Rapper Show (Seriously, it kicks ass!)

And The Winner Is…

Surreal Life

That is all for now! Congratulations to the winners! Gonna watch the Bears/Saints now. DA BEARS!! I will be back after the AFC Championship with the full results of the Chachi’s!

Live, Laugh, Love and Learn.

(HOLY SHIT, CHRIS DAUGHTRY SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AT THE BEARS GAME!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!)

The Greatest Day Since Air Supply Rocked out in the Meadowlands in 1985.

Good morning, peeps! Are you ready to work for the weekend?! Ahh, Loverboy. That song is an anthem. Anyway, as you know Friday is the day I don the Countdown, but first here are some songs that didn’t make it on, but are still quite the groovy. Here is….

BUBBLING UP!!

Let’s get started, shall we?

EXILE – Lovers Again

Now I mainly know EXILE from the dancing bald dude (that man has the mad skills), but I listened to them from time to time. However, the Won’t Be Long video really hipped me to these guys. The Kumi Koda splits had NOTHING to do with that, BTW. Even still, I have had this song for a minute and got the video a few weeks ago. Good stuff and a nice groove. Next comes some guys that I have been missing for a while now.

TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R.

The most offensive name in hip hop is back! For those that don’t know (which is pretty much just probably Zach) the TERIYAKI BOYZ are comprised some of the biggest names in Japanese hip hop. They are comprised of Ryo-Z of Rip Slyme (a good listen), Verbal of M-Flo (albeit he is Korean and faking the J-Funk), Ilmari (I think of Rip Slyme, too) and Wise (same thing, no idea). You may remember them from the mindrape that was Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (they did the rap song that had the high pitched girl yelling FAST AND FURIOUUUUUUS!) and they even got Kanye West on the song. Yes, I know I have called him a nut case (And I am sure he will launch missles at the Grammy’s) but the man is awesome in small doses. This song is proof. Good stuff!

Daughtry – It’s Not Over

THE REAL FUCKING WINNER OF AMERICAN IDOL! Hells yeah! The only reason to watch the show in the last 5 years (aside from the is Clay Aiken human or not. The answer: he’s one of those things from Dark Crystal which is technically a muppet)

Let the Countdown begin!

20. Rain (Bi) – In My Bed (New Entry)

What can be better than one Bi video? How about TWO BI VIDEOS?! Be still, peeps. I know it is almost hawtie overkill. Aside from T.I., Pootie Tang and The Monarch, I now have someone to pattern my life after. All I need is a BMW and a six pack and the ladies will come a knocking. Fuck that, I’m good. I will have my Rumble Roses XX and DOA Xtreme soon. MY GOD, I’M SO FUCKING LAME!
19. John Legend – Save Room (Last Week #17, #1 for five weeks)
Supposedly there is a new single in the works for Mr. Legend. Reports are that ‘Where Did My Baby Go’ will be the next song off Once Again and the song is of course the mad notes. Don’t ever say an unkind word about John Legend, fool!
18. Nelly Furtado – Maneater (Last Week #15)
So this news is for adults only. It seems there is a picture on the internet that shows a…malfunction of Nelly’s on stage. If this picture is found, I will not reject it if it happens to be sent to me.
17. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #19)
Amy Lee and Company lead the charge up the countdown in their second week. The more I watch this video, the more I like HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR. Except the dude that sings in HaMC (His name escapes me) gives them an edge. Still, I dig this vid.
16. Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. – My Love (Last Week # 14)
Okay, I am happy about the fact that J-Tim got nominated for a shitload of Grammy’s but over JOHN FUCKING LEGEND, who only got robbed with only one nod?! I think Akon had more and that bastard SUCKS IT HARD! More importantly, J-Tim only had like 4 songs on his album and 19 interludes. Pissing me off. Even still, I liked the album but…c’mon over JOHN LEGEND?! SHIT!
15. Halcali – Look (Last Week #18)

Ah, something to calm me down. This video is like aromatherapy without the funk of those damn candles. And the dance steps are so simple. Gotta steal them for the boy band. Have to have wicked dance moves to be successful as a group and we aint all that talented. I have my moments but for the most part we are pretty fucking rhythm-less.
14. UVERworld - Kimi no Suki na Uta (Last Week #12, #1 for four weeks)
YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!! HOW DARE YOU PUSH YOUR ALBUM BACK DUE TO SOME LEGAL TROUBLE?! Shit, legal troubles made 2Pac and R.Kelly MEGA-STARS. Ride this press till the wheels fall off! Then push that bitch to platinum status! I am so pissed off right now I can’t think straight. You sawed-off hippies better have the album out by the 22nd of February or I will get indignant on your asses!
13. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #16)
Nothing like Kumi Koda to calm me down. So far she is the front runner in the I’d Hit That Chachi Award. Let’s face it, nice-looking young lady but I am sure that she has gotten around like a Rick James beat. Wow…that was good. Feel free to use that.
12. Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead (Last Week #13)

Nasir Jones moves up one more spot this week in an attempt to crack the Top 10. All I can say is that he did a song with Snoop Dogg. I cant stand Snoop Dogg. Do the math. It will be a struggle for you, Nas.
11. Game – Let’s Ride (Last Week #9)
After flirting with the top yet again, The Game takes another tumble this week. You know, I am really getting annoyed with the half-ass videos. The last good hip hop video was probably Testify by Common because…it didn’t have a Lamborghini in it. I am so sick of that car right now.
10. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #11]
Speaking of half-assed videos, here comes one. However, it has Young Dro, Jeezy and TI in the same spot so I wont hate. I should, but I can’t. Hell, I like my top let back and my beat down low. If I had a rag-top…or beat. Even still, it cracks the Top 10.
9. Bennie K – Joy Trip (Last Week #6, #1 for one week)

Sigh, nothing new from Bennie K until March is the latest report. All I can say is boo to that. I need my damn Yuki fix!!
8. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #10)
So Omarion moves up two more spots this week. All I can say is that the same threat I made to Usher goes to Omarion AND to Bi. You have two months to make a video for ‘Man Up’ before I have to act. You have been warned, I can get a puppy.
7. John Legend – Heaven (Last Week #4, #1 for two weeks)
Man, I am really pissed off about this Grammy situation. I know they mean nothing (Hell, I have two and one of them I use to hammer nails) but still. Once Again is one of the best albums of the year (Better than Carrie FUCKING UNDERWOOD I bet!) and got less love than his first album. All I can say is that this is why the Grammy’s suck. U2 had more nominations than Mr. Legend too, btw. Fuck U2.
6. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #8)

May J moves up another two spots this week in her steady trek upward. All I can say is look at her and see why. If you can’t dig that then I can’t help you.
5. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #3)
RBD falls this week but do not fret, peeps. The video for ‘Wanna Play’ will be released soon and lets just say that the ladies of RBD will make it quite nice to watch. I guarantee it.
4. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #7)
Just got this single a few days ago and all I can say is HELLS YES. This is officially my favorite video (not favorite song, that belongs to Omarion/Bi with ‘Man Up’ but it is getting there) and the three spot jump proves it. Can Yui hang with the veterans in the Top Three? We may find out soon!
3. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #5)

Young Jeezy makes a bold move for the top spot, jumping up two spot to enter the Top Three! The track record isn’t so good for hip hop in the Top Three, with NO rappers (aside from T.I.) taking the top spot unless you count Sleepy Brown with Big Boi and Pharell, who is kind of a rapper. Let’s get it!
2. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week # 2)

For the second week in a row, Bi is held at Number Two. Can he pull the top spot even after a new video has made its way on the Countdown? History shows that artists with two videos don’t fare well (John Legend, UVERworld, Bennie K, Nelly Furtado, etc.) but if anyone can buck that trend, it is Bi! Now it is time to see who is Number One…
1. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #1, #1 for three weeks)

Nelly holds on to the top spot for another week, making her the longest running champ of 2007, albeit only like three weeks old and all. Even still, after FINALLY taking the top spot after Maneater being held at #2 for a month, lets say she is making up for lost time. I’m still waiting for a video for ‘Do It’ BTW. That song is the best song on the album, IMHO.

That is all for the countdown this week! Tune in next week to see if Nelly can hang on to the top spot for a full month! Or can Bi finally take the mountain top! Don’t forget about the Snowman, he would LOVE it if he were Number One! Tune in!

Normally I would end the post with that on a Friday. Not today, as something important happened last night. Last night my life changed forever. Yes, you may have witnessed this event, too. Last night, Stephen Colbert stared down a bear. No, not just any bear. I stared down….Papa Bear. Bill O’Reilly. The Irish Douchebag. As if the Irish could be anything else, but still. He was owned (AND I MEAN OWNED) by Jon Stewart.

The man had more political insight in a PEANUTS GANG reference than Bill has had in the 50 plus shows I have watched of the O’Reilly Factor. What I really find funny about the Irish Douchebag is that he feels like he is SO ABOVE the fake news of Mr. Colbert (my daddy) and Mr. Stewart (My other daddy. See, a two parent household! Two white daddies and a black son! Family values for your ASS!) when Fox News is just news with a slant. All news is given with a slant, it is a business. To say that there is a liberal bias in the news is the biggest ‘No Shit’ statement since ‘Lance Bass is Gay’. I mean who didn’t see that coming? I called that in COLLEGE, seeing as how I said he was dating the light-skinned guy from O-Town. At least The Daily Show and The Colbert Report give a news story with humorous commentary. The only this humorous about Fox News is that it takes itself seriously. They are just as much a joke as MSNBC, and I know because I’m the only person that watches that network. For those of you that missed it, Stephen was kind of easy on Papa Bear. Probably because he would have flown into a drunken rage had he truly served him. It was funny stuff, especially when Stephen responded to Bill digs (and he did try to dig into him about five times) with well placed but not unfounded digs of his own. Some will be disappointed, but what more could you expect? Bill is a douche, not like he would have let Stephen go full throttle. Check out the replay in Comedy Central when you can, it will be on like twenty time because they lack programming.

Well, that is all for now as I have some things to do. Mainly cry about no UVERworld until next month. I will be back on Sunday night, peeps!

Live, Laugh, Love and Learn.

The Best Offense...Is To Be Offensive.

What is up, peeps? ANOTHER mid-week update! What can I say, I am a giver. Seeing as how UVERworld’s album has been pushed back and Mike Vick like bong water (AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!) this has been a rather rough fucking week. More so for some OTHER people, but all I can say to that is that people are stupid as shit.

Which brings me to why I am dropping the knowledge to the peeps today. I have to hurry because Scrubs is on in a few minutes (HOLY SHIT, IT’S A MUSICAL! Oh, I am so gay) but I had to speak because something has been brought to my attention. So for the second day in a row, I bring to you a Passion of Chachi staple. Today I give you….

Learnin With Master Chief Captain Chachi!!

What Exactly Is Offensive?

This is an age old question that has been debated by scholars and fucktards in the workplace since…well women’s lib (short for library or liberation or some other word that begins with ‘lib’). And we all know they use THAT to the fullest. Having one speaker of the house does not trump Paris Hilton like having Barack Obama doesn’t make up for the half a decade of Nelly and Lil Jon for blacks (Holy shit, Nelly has been around for six years. I should have handled his ass already. Yeah, I made a threat. Bring it; I am helping out America by offing that fool). Are black jokes offensive? Are jokes about gays and transgender hurtful? Do sexist jokes create an awkward workplace? Yes. There is something that needs to be said to that.

SO THE FUCK WHAT?!

The world is an offensive place. GET OVER IT. I get offended whenever I look at MTV or the news. I get pissed when I hear newscasters use ‘bling’ in a fucking newscast like it is a real goddamned word. I get PISSED every time Kevin Federline takes a breath when Jam Master Jay is fucking dead. I have had ENOUGH of people try to turn the workplace into some fucking Utopia when the world itself is rather fucked up. You looked at the news lately? Life aint all snapdragons and lollypops. By trying to please everyone you please nobody. I mean a simple answer is to punish or change the accuser.

As someone who was in several clubs that endorsed ‘Ethnic and Gender Diversity’ in college as well as being a minority AND sexually ambiguous (I love ladies, just not the insanity and self-personality change that comes with them) I believe I have the credentials to speak on this. The idea that someone should be given sensitivity training, punished or convinced that their comments are offensive is counter-intuitive. Look it up, I’ll wait. The simple fact is that diversity cannot be forced. Well it CAN be but it is not effective. By forcing someone to abide by a rule of what SOME PEOPLE think is offensive is not fair and just fucking stupid. Who is to say that certain just because someone doesn’t like midgets that a midget should be able to claim harassment? I have a huge problem with the Turks (IT’S CONSTANTINOPLE, YOU FUCKERS!) so I stay away from them. It is that simple. It doesn’t create a weird environment for me to stay away from someone or something I cannot stand. If you don’t like soccer, you turn the channel. If you are offended by a certain video game, you don’t buy it. If a certain song offends you, change the fucking station. It is that damn simple.

Now some people will say that they should be safe from persecution at work. That is true. What is the easiest way to escape persecution? Get away from the persecutors. Slaves did it, the Jews did it (kinda), Tina Turner did it and so can you. You saw What’s Love Got To Do With It! Did Tina run and tell on Ike? Yes and no one believed her or cared because Tina couldn’t run from Ike! So what did she do? She decided to MAN UP and whoop on some Ike in a limo. I’m not saying that the offended should whoop on their oppressor in a limo but...that would be cool. To close this point, you should be safe at work without question. However, there comes a time when common sense must prevail. Either nip it in the bud or just let that shit go.

The fact people say that they are offended by something is one thing. I understand how words or actions can make people feel uncomfortable. However, at the same time there are things that make ME feel uncomfortable all the time and you know what I do? I ask the person not to do or say what is bothering me; I don’t make it out to be the next Roe vs. Wade (Wade in six rounds via TKO if I’m not mistaken). Besides, with some of the things I have said on this blog (white people are fucking lame, rape can be funny, Blacks are ignorant, women don’t deserve to vote, Japanese are perverts, Irish are drunkards, Catholics selective memory having assholes, etcetera) you know it takes a lot to offend me anyway but I am in the minority. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It’s funny because I’m black! It’s a double joke! Eh, screw it.

Besides, funny jokes are offensive. They just are! I’m not just talking about racial, gender or ethnic jokes! Jokes about underage girls? Funny! Jokes about midgets? Hilarious! Jokes about the Irish? Fuck, I would wager at LEAST 30% of the funny jokes are about the Irish! Then come the Blacks, then the gays, then Jesus. Jesus jokes are the funniest of all! Check this:

What did Jesus say when they when they were taking him off the cross?

Feet first! FEET FIRST!

That shit is FUNNY!

Even better, check this out:



Now I will admit, the first time I saw this I was offended. For like three seconds dude to the shock of it. Until I realized. It is an Asian family of indescribable origin (a term I COINED, thank you very much!) saying NI-GGA over and over again instead of…whatever Asian families of indescribable origin say. Those crazy Asians! Fun for the whole family! If your family rules, I mean.

In closing, I would like to quote of all people…Ah’nuld.

'Don’t be a party poopa!'

By taking all the fun out of the workplace, you know what you are left with? 7th Heaven. And aside from the uber-hot Jessica Biel, name one thing funny or good about that show. Nothing. Please don’t make the world like 7th Heaven. It should be more like Venture Brothers. The wrap up is that what is offensive is different for each person. If you were to punish everyone that said or did something that offended someone, the only person left unpunished would be…maybe Mandy Moore, everyone loves her. Oh, but I would punish HER if you get my drift! Oh, I think you do.

Well, that is all for now. Except for one thing. Call me crazy but Ugly Betty….

I’d hit that. Cue the squirrels!

See, that’s hella offensive, but funny as hell. Get over it, America. Funny is funny. Stay up, peeps and I will be back tomorrow for the Countdown and Sunday for The Chachi Awards!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

They Kick Really High...

I’M BACK, BITCHES! All up in this piece! Random hip-hop sounding catchphrases! Yeah, enough of that. So I am here for a mid-week update because…I miss you guys. I can’t leave the peeps hanging until Fridays. And the Chachi’s are this Sunday, just in time for the NFC /AFC Championship Games! If it doesn’t snow too bad on Saturday, I am going to go to Denver to watch the game at ESPNZone. Great time to meet The Chachi and shower him with adoration and gifts. Or to give me your therapy bills because I have said some jacked up shit on this blog. Either way, its nice to meet a fan/enemy/stalker.

So I have a new favorite site, Egotastic. A lot of you probably already know about this site but I just found out because…well…I was looking for Jessica Biel pictures. Yeah, she’s my new Jessica Alba. Don’t even have to change my crazy ranting phrases because they share the same name. Niiiice. Check it out, celebrity bashing news all over the place. AND they have a thing for Olivia Munn, which is always refreshing.

So it is time for the latest installment of…

MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD DOA Presents: Dead or Alive The Movie!!

Today, I review a movie that many of you may have forgotten (or blocked out, I did) came out. Or did it? Dead or Alive, a movie based on the buxom-beauty filled fighting series was supposed to come out in August of 2006 but I never rememeber seeing it in any theater. Here is the trailer:

Yeah. That’s it. So through the magic of the internet and my own nerdiness (I was looking for a DOA save for my X-Box mod chip. It has a Lei Fang costume that looks like Wonder Woman…never mind) I found this movie last week. After a few days I was able to watch it and all I can say is….

WOW.

It was bad. I mean REEEEEAAAAL bad. Don’t get me wrong, Jamie Pressley has the whole ‘white trash hot’ thing going on like Reese Witherspoon (don’t even start, she is one PBR and another baby from being Britney Spears but I would WRECK THAT strong jawed woman) and Holly Valance was surprisingly hot as Christie. However, they cast Devon Aki as Kasumi which is WRONG because she isn’t bouncy enough. Or hot enough. Or a good actress. I mean I wasn’t expecting Pootie Tang levels of acting here but come the fuck on. At least TRY to make it sound believable. The sad part is the acting killed a pretty good martial arts movie. The fight scenes were either average (the final 4 on 1 fight scene), passable (Tina vs. Zack, who had his beard and hair DYED GREEN VERY POORLY. Great job with that, fucky) or downright HAWT (Helena vs.Christie. In bikinis. In a downpour. Great success). Not only that, it had Kevin Nash it to boot! Can’t beat having Big Daddy Cool in a movie. We all saw how good he was in The Punisher! Seriously, I liked that movie!

Long story short, this movie would disappoint even the most diehard of video game fans, even those of the series. Horrible casting, shitty dialog, a plot that comes out of nowhere and poor use of charactrers (Hayate, Leon, Bayman, Jahn Lee and Gen Fu are wasted while Helena is on fucking rollerskates. ROLLERSKATES, what is this Boogie Nights?! Oh, and Lei Fang was sorely underused. She is the hottest of the bunch IMHO. Look at her ending:)

Yeah, that’s good stuff right there. Either way, I can only recommend this movie to you if you are either a gamer that wants a good laugh or someone that has to see any movie with hot women doing martial arts (sans Devon Aki, I just don’t see the attraction). Don’t expect to be blown away Oh, this is the only good part of the movie. BEACH VOLLEYBALL!!

The sad part is that DOA Beach Volleyball was actually a good volleyball game! And you could play it with one hand. Not like I know or anything….SHUT UP! Wow…DOA vs. Rumble Roses. That may be the greatest idea ever. The sad part is I actually THOUGHT OF THAT OUT LOUD! God, I need a woman. Nah, then I will just ask her to dress up like Advent Children Tifa or Rikku from FFX-2 and it would just make things awkward. Anyway, The Chachi gives Dead or Alive…

5 Stars out of 10!!!
(Worth a look for the camp and eye candy alone, but don’t expect anything more. Like a plot or a good video game movie. Stick to Silent Hill or Doom)

Well, I am about to be out. I will be back on Friday for the Chachi Top 20 Countdown and don’t forget to vote for the Chachi’s this Sunday! The peeps votes count just as much as mine!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

Oh, and Britney is reportedly about to pop out a third hellspawn. Good lord, is her vagina the gateway to hell?

250 POSTS, FOOL!!!

Ah, another milestone, peeps. 250th post today and dare I say it feels like the first time. Not really, but still. It has been fun to bring you the pointless joys of my life and give you my rantings and musings. Here is to like...seven more posts! AIM HIGH!!

It is also Friday which means it is time for the usual. Its time for the...

PASSION OF CHACHI TOP 20 VIDEO COUNTDOWN!!!

We begin this week with a song on the way out....

20. Pushim, RHYMESTER, HOME MADE KAZOKU, MABOROSHI, May J – I Say Yeah (Last Week #17)
It is a sad day. Cold outside (per the usual) and dammit, May J is on her way out with the crew!
19. Evanescence – Lithium (New Entry)

YES! MY GOD YES! Amy Lee is back! Bite me, I likes Amy Lee. Good to see the band have a new video after “Call Me When You Are Sober’ because that was a LOOOOONG time ago.
18. Halcali – Look (Last Week #20)
The young ladies of Halcali move up two spots this week. Thank you to the ladies at Jpop and Kpop for uploading this video for me! It’s a great site if you like PV’s. Now I have my Halcali fix and can live over the next few snowpacked days. Eveything is coming up Milhouse! Except for our next video…
17. John Legend – Save Room (Last Week #15, #1 for five weeks)
After the domination by John Legend over the last few months, John may be spending his last week on the Top 20 with this video. At least he still has ‘Heaven’ in the Top 10 and HOPEFULLY a new video soon!
16. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #18)

Yeah, I like this song. I talk a lot of stuff about Ms. Koda but at the end of the day, I think she is quite alright. That and there is no half naked gyrating in this video. Suprisingly, I like clothes in my videos sometimes.
15. Nelly Furtado – Maneater (Last Week #13)
So the dominant lady of 2006 falls a bit with this song. Man, I have to say that the saucieness of Nelly in this video is quite nice. And her album kicks more ass than anyone can ever comprehend.
14. Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. – My Love (Last Week # 11)
Give me a new video, Justin. Soon these will become threats rather than suggestions. You have been fricking warned!
13. Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead (Last Week #14)
Nas creeps up another spot this week. So I was listening to some Nas yesterday and I realized something. I miss Az. He was actually (sometimes) pretty fucking good. Someone needs to bring this guy back. I could imagine him on a Kanye beat right now, and I like what I’m thinking.
12. UVERworld - Kimi no Suki na Uta (Last Week #9, #1 for four weeks)

ONE WEEK TILL THE NEW ALBUM. According to Wikipedia, anyway. I’m gonna go wait in line after this post.
11. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #16, Biggest Mover]

I like my beat down low and my T.I. in the Top 10. Not quite there, but on his way. I’m sorry, I am just shocked that B.G. is still alive. My god, I really thought he died of a drug overdose or something. Glad to see him back and all, but it’s just eerie.
10. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #12)
Hell yeah! Any day now Omarion and Bi will be gracing us with the ultimate in dance videos. Like Thriller meets Footloose. Dare I say, the greatest video created. Until then, Omarion moves into the Top 10 after only three weeks.
9. Game – Let’s Ride (Last Week #5, Plunge of the Week)
Man, The Game cannot catch a break. This is his second straight video for The Game that peaks at #3. It’s a damn shame, I tells ya. A damn shame.
8. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #10)

Mmmmm. The hotness of May J cannot be stopped. If you cannot see why I think this woman is better than Kumi Koda then you are a FOOL. Look at that video and tell me that is not damn hawt. Oh, and she can sing. Beat that, Britney!
7. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #8)
Yui moves up a spot this week. I got some of her older Indie songs and they aren’t bad. Actually kind of a Lisa Loeb type vibe for her early stuff. And we all know how I feel about a woman in glasses. If you don’t, cue the PSP squirrels. They will tell you.
6. Bennie K – Joy Trip (Last Week #3, #1 for one week)
Yuki and Cico fall three more spots after taking the top spot from UVERworld a few weeks ago. Here is to hope for a new single and video soon. I needs my fix.
5. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #7)

Rap in the Top 5?! What the hell, man?! Yeah, Young Jeezy makes an attempt to take down the nets of the Chachi’s Top 20 Countdown as he enters the upper echelon. Does he have what it takes to do what Young Dro and The Game could not? We shall see!
4. John Legend – Heaven (Last Week #2, #1 for two weeks)
John Legend falls two more spots this week which means the Top Three has two first time members! Who are the new members of the Big Three?
3. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #6)

Mi Corazon es en fuego! RBD takes their crack at supremacy hitting number three this week! And if Wikipedia is correct they are getting another show! Can this day GET any better. Minus the snow and all, I mean.
2. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week # 4)

Yes. YES IT CAN. Bi moves up to the runner up spot in an attempt to capture his first number one! This video is…how do you say…bad ass? But what video was…badass-ier? Is that a word? Meh, what can you do.
1. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #1, #1 for two weeks)

Now that Nelly has the top spot, how long will it take for her to let go? No one knows, but this video tops my chart for the second straight week. Love the video and LOVE the song.

That is all for this week peeps! Tune in next Friday to see if Nelly can hold on or if someone else can end her reign after two weeks!

I will be back soon with a MAJOR update. And I so mean major!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

And The Nominees Are....Again.

Good morning, peeps! It has been a while AGAIN but I can't stay away for long. It was an eventful first half of the week with the ass-whooping that Florida laid on Ohio State on Monday. I wasnt shocked at the win or the score (I knew if OSU didnt get their shit together that Florida would run circles around them), I just hate Florida. It is a Georgia thing, I guess.

Well peeps, the time has come. I have talked about it and now it is time to DELIVA!! I give to you...

THE FINALIZED CHACHI AWARDS!!!

Yeah, you know it. And the nominess are....

Music

Male Artist of the Year (Domestic)

T.I.
Justin Timberlake
Daniel Powter
John Legend
Big Boi

Female Artist of the Year (Domestic)

Mary J. Blige
Nelly Furtado
Jojo
Shakira
Ciara

Group of the Year (Domestic)

All American Rejects
Evanesence
The Fray
Three Days Grace
Rascal Flatts

Male Artist of the Year (Forgien)

Bi (Rain)
Se7en
M-Flo
Ken Hirai

Female Artist of the Year (Forgien)

Kumi Koda
Hyori Lee
Bennie K
A.I.
BoA
Ayumi Hamasaki

Group of the Year (Forgien)

Flow
UVERworld
Beat Crusaders
Orange Range
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Soul’d Out

Male Artist of the Year (Overall)

Bi (Rain)
T.I.
John Legend
Daniel Powter
Justin Timberlake

Female Artist of the Year (Overall)

Mary J. Blige
Kumi Koda
Shakira
Bennie K
Nelly Furtado

Group of the Year (Overall)

RBD (Rebelde)
UVERworld
The Fray
Evanesence
Flow
Rascal Flatts

Best New Artist (Overall)

Yui
Young Dro
May J.
Ne-Yo
Daniel Powter

Video/Song of the Year (Overall)

John Legend – Save Room
UVERworld - Chance
Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean – Hips Don’t Lie
T.I. – What You Know
M-Flo loves Emi Hinouchi and Ryohei – Summer Time Love
Daniel Powter – Bad Day

Movies

Best Male Performance

Jet Li – Fearless
Johnny Depp – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Aaron Eckart – Thank You For Smoking
Samuel L. Jackson – Snakes On A Plane
Allen Covert – Grandma’s Boy
Sacha Baron Cohen – Borat: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

Best Female Performance

Kiera Knightly - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Kate Bosworth – Superman Returns
Rosario Dawson – Clerks II
Linda Cardellini – Grandma’s Boy
Kate Beckensale – Underworld: Evolution
Natalie Portman – V For Vendetta

Worst Movie of the Year

Nacho Libre
An Inconvenient Truth
Miami Vice
Saw III
The Omen
Jackass #2

Biggest Disappointment of the Year (Not Bad, Just Not Up To The Hype)

X-Men 3: United
Superman Returns
Talladega Nights
Ergon

Surprise of the Year (Movie I Expected To Suck That Kicked Ass)

Accepted
Cars
Silent Hill
Happy Feet
Little Miss Sunshine

Best Movie of the Year

Accepted
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Thank You For Smoking
Clerks II
Grandma’s Boy
Borat: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
Snakes On A Plane

People

First Annual Gackt Bishie of the Year (Hottest Male)

Johnny Depp (Quirky, but so fine Bishie)

Chris Leak (National Champion QB with the dreamy eyes Bishie)

Matthew McConaughey (Rugged Texan Bishie)

Bi (Rain) [K-Pop Superstar Bishie]

T.I. (ATL Thug Bishie)

Justin Timberlake (The Original Bishie)

First Annual Salma Hayek Hawt Tottie of the Year (Hottest Lady)

Shakira

Esther Baxter

Jessica Biel

Vida Guerra

Kelly Hu

Dulce Maria


You + Me = Jailtime! (Underage Lady That Needs To Stop Teasing Me! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!)

Jojo

Hayden Panettiere

Alyson Michalka

Hinoi Team


Sigh…I’d Hit That (Women I Wouldn’t Let Meet My Mom, But I’d SO WRECK THAT! After she passes an STD test)

Kumi Koda

Let’s face it; Kumi Koda is kind of a skank. I RARELY say that (hell, unless its Paris Hilton I have never said it) about women but c’mon. You saw what she did to the bottle, peeps. NOT COOL. Even still…with some penicillin…I’d hit that.

Christina Milian

She dated Nick Cannon. His assitude is contagious. Screw catching an STD, I might get N.I.C.K. by getting it one with her. Yet…she is just so nice. And pretty. BUT NICK CANNON! FUCK, THE QUANDRY THIS IS!!

Scarlett Johanssen

Anyone that has sex with Benicio Del Toro (in an ELEVATOR NO LESS if the rumors are true) has lice, crabs and psyphilAIDS Simplex GTO. Even still…she is quite nice. Happy times with Scarlett would be worth three shots a day and a cream, I guess.

Lindsay Lohan

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!! Alright…I know I have said some mean things about Lindsay since our break up (or restraining order, whatever you want to call it) and a lot of them were justified. I mean Wilmer Valderamma? N***a please. Even still, there is always a place in my heart for her after Mean Girls. And if she accepts, there is a place in my cupboard for several pills and creams because if I hit that I would need it.

Lo Pan Badass of the Year (Now no one can compare to Lo Pan in terms of badassitude, but these were the take no shit people of 2006)

Iron Man (Civil War)
I know he thinks he is doing the right thing with the Superhero Registration Act. However, the man cloned Thor, broke Captian America’s jaw and sent the Hulk into space. After years of being a drunkard in a suit Tony Stark is FINALLY becoming a badass.

Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report)
You have seen the show. If you haven’t…you are a moron. This show is awesome and he even picked up a guitar and challenged the Decemberists to a thrash off. Why? Because he is that fucking badass. Oh, and his gravitas is bigger than yours.

Superboy Prime (Infinite Crisis)
No words. Just go the Barnes and Noble or Borders and take a look at Infinite Crisis Issues 3,4,5. I’ll wait. You back? You see how many people this dude killed. ON ACCIDENT? Yeah, lake how he was locked in a box around a red sun, but he will be back. And he finally got rid of that shitty ass Superboy.

Samoa Joe (TNA)
Yeah, no words again. Look at this.

Nuff said.

And there you have it, peeps! Those are the nominees and your votes are recommended! I will have the presentation of The Chachi's on Sunday, January 21st! Tune in to the post!

Until then, stay up peeps! I will be back on Friday with the new Top 20 Countdown because the odds are we will get some snow all weekend. Damn El Nino. Anyway, until then...

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love

Colorado Sucks It Hard.

What is up peeps?! It is snowing in Colorado again (who fucking saw THAT one) so I just shoveled the walk and you know what that means its time for. HOT COCOA!! Oh, and the…

CHACHI’S TOP 20 COUNTDOWN!!

It’s the first Top 20 of 2007 and let’s get this thing started off right!

20. Halcali – Look (New Entry)

For those of you that don’t know (which I will figure is the majority) Halcali is a J-Urban group much in the vein of Bennie K/Heartsdales with a Beastie Boys pre-Tibet vibe. It’s also the opening theme from the new craptastic Powerpuff Girls anime. ‘Tip Taps’ was a catchy little ditty and this song is in the same flow. Also, you can’t beat a rubix cube music video. There aren’t enough of those these days. That and….something about them is hot to me. Yeah, I’m weird.
19. Soul’d Out – Starlight Destiny (Last Week # 16)
Man, Diggy-Mo and company are on the way out. I’m gonna miss this song, as it was a great rolling jam and the video was always on in my cage…er…cubicle. Here is the hope of something new from these guys soon.
18. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #20)
Yeah, you know it. I downloaded Kumi Koda’s ode to Thriller/Bad/Usher New Years Thingie in 2004, the Black Cherry Movie. It isn’t bad. Although I have NO IDEA what she is talking about, her body language speaks volumes. It is telling me I’d hit that. I’d need penicillin by the assload, but I’d hit that.
17. Pushim, RHYMESTER, HOME MADE KAZOKU, MABOROSHI, May J – I Say Yeah (Last Week #14)
After a pretty lengthy run without hitting the Top 10, this song falls three spots to begin the year. STILL cannot find May J’s single, but at least Home Made Kazoku has some new work coming out soon. Stay tuned…
16. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #18]
Okay, I know I had a rant on thugs yesterday. I don’t care, this song is on point. Little known fact: I own all the Cash Money albums from 1998-2000. Even Young Turk, and he kind of sucks. Bad. Mannie Fresh is still an underrated beat maker, IMHO.
15. John Legend – Save Room (Last Week #12, #1 for five weeks)
Mr. Legend is still hanging around after almost FOUR MONTHS on the Top 20. Now that is…’Legendary’. Ah, the pun is intended. And it sucked, I know. It’s cold as hell outside, sue me.
14. Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead (Last Week #15)
Speaking of legends, Nas moves up a spot this week. My love/hate relationship with Mr. Jones continues as he has taken the high road against Young Jeezy after the radio diss on the Monie Love Show (A dollar if you can name three Monie Love songs!) and for the most part let it slide. Good job, Nasir. Good job.
13. Nelly Furtado – Maneater (Last Week #10)
So I have begun to listen to this song a lot more seeing as how I have nothing to do during the day for a few weeks so I just roam around town jamming to this. Also, the video is quite nice, but I like a lot of stuff more. Besides, she gets what’s coming to her later. NOT THE BOX, ZACH.
12. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)

Okay…alright. I admit it, this video RULES. Omarion has never made a song I like (although ‘Touch’ had its moments) but he is THREE for THREE with this album. Entorage was okay and this video is…well bad ass. And I am reserving the top spot for ‘Man Up’ when he and Bi create what will be the most awesome moment in musical history. Bigger than ‘We Are The World’ and ‘I Wanna Be Rich’ by Calloway COMBINED.
11. Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. – My Love (Last Week # 8)
So J-Tim falls out of the Top Ten for the first time in 2 months. Just waiting for that new video Justin. Annnnnny minute now would be great. Yep, just a waiting. Oh, and WHERE IN THE FUCK IS USHER?! Dammit, I need another ‘Yeah!’
10. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #13)
May J in the Top 10! There is a god after all! I tell you that this woman is one more belly baring video from knocking Kumi Koda off of her pedestal. If you watch this video and you don’t immediately fall in love then you are a heartless beast. Her beauty can slay the most heartless of beings. Oh, and dancing doesn’t hurt.
9. UVERworld - Kimi no Suki na Uta (Last Week #6, #1 for four weeks)
From the upswing to the downswing. UVERworld falls three more spots this week after dominating the top spot for a month. Mark it down, peeps: 1/17/2007. UVERworld’s new album is unleashed on the world. The fury will be astounding.
8. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #11)

Yui makes a pretty big jump into the Top Ten. This video is rather fab if I say so myself. Yes, a straight man can say ‘fab’ now. I’m taking it. Oh, and why in the fuck is the Bleach manga like 9 arcs in while the anime is like 3. And one of those arcs (The Bount) totally sucked ass? Geez, I’m seeing Bleach swag at Hot Topic to boot. Gonna be a rough year for original Bleach fans.
7. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #9)
The Snowman is back! Why does it snow every damn Friday? Man, I gotta shovel the driveway, too. Shit. I hate Colorado.
6. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #7)
So as I type this I am watching the live version of this song. All I can say is that Mia is all that with the chips in a bag (OLD SKOOL, FOOL! WHAT?!). I cant take it anymore, she must know my feelings. MIA, I LOVE YOU! MI CORAZON ES EN FUEGO!!!
5. Game – Let’s Ride (Last Week #3)
The Game once again makes it to #3 before falling down to earth. He just cannot seem to crack the top two spots after coming hella close. Even still, it was quite the run.
4. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week # 5)
Yeah, what can I say about this video that I haven’t already said? Nothing, that’s what. Only thing I can say is MAN UP! Coming soon to a music video channel near you. At least it better be, dammit.
3. Bennie K – Joy Trip (Last Week #2, #1 for one week)

Bennie K hangs on to a spot in the Top 3 for another week. I haven’t had my Yuki and Cico fix for a while. I need a hit. GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW!! Just teasing me by not being around. What do you want from me?! WHAT?! Now its time for a shocker….
2. John Legend – Heaven (Last Week #1, #1 for one week)

WHAT!! John Legend knocked out of the top after only one week?! Yeah, I’m shocked too. Even still, I like this video (video chicks done right, take note Little X and Hype Williams) and the video IS ON RIGHT NOW! Holy crap, I never see it on music channels! Anyway, we have a new Number One this week, peeps…
1. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #4)

YES! Nelly Furtado FINALLY takes the Top Spot! Much like everyone else in the country, I love this song. Much like Jen, I make up my own words but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about the words, it’s about the feeling. And her FINE ASS in the video. Dare I say, that’s top dollar action right there. Good job, Nelly! You have finally taken the throne!

That’s all for this cold ass Friday, peeps. Tune in next week to see if Nelly can hold on the Top Spot. Or will John Legend pull a Shamrock and take the belt back? Or will Bi become the Prince of the Chachi Countdown? Find out next week! Oh, and the finalized Chachi’s will be up tomorrow! Stay up and stay warm!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

Straight Thuggin!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, BOOOOOOYYYYEEEEE!!!!

Okay, that is the last time I steal anything from Flavor Flav. I promise. What is up peeps? I haven’t dropped anything since New Year’s Eve and it’s about time to give you some random anger and rantings. It is a new year, but it’s the same Duece.

First things first. TV officially has stopped sucking. Last night at Nolan’s I watched Knights of Prosperity and In Case Of Emergency. First off, I have to say that Sofia Vergara is in Knights of Prosperity which makes it the greatest show since Good Times. If you don’t know who she is, take a gander at her beauty:

Hells Yes. Colombia has Sofia AND drugs? Sign me up for a tour of love, peeps! Can’t believe she was in Soul Plane. Oh, the TV show. Even better, the show is pretty damn funny. They pretty much rob celebrities (kind of, I don’t see Sally Jessie Raphael as a celebrity but it doesn’t take much these days to be one) Robin Hood style and it covers their plans and misadventures. Pretty funny pilot. Oh, and the black guy is a dead ringer for Bun-B of UGK. I can’t make this up, rap fans know who I mean and when you see him you will say the same thing.

Secondly is In Case Of Emergency. All you need to know is Kelly Hu. That’s it. Single, solo, that’s it, no more, no less. She is in it, and if you have any heart you will watch her:

The cup officially has runneth over. Like I said to Nolan last night; that is wife material right there. Model, martial artist AND actress. Anyway, the show is about a series of AWESOME events (that include a massage parlor, a suicidal exec and a fitness guru that goes nuts and eats his weight in pastries) that end up with the four main characters (Kelly Hawt, David Arquette, Greg Germann, the delightfully funny Johnathan Silverman and the still saucy after all these years Lori Loughlin as the doctor) in the hospital at the end. Trust me, you have to see it to understand. The show looks like it has legs, but as we know when a show is good they cancel it as soon as possible. I think the new night is Friday at 8:30 PM mountain time. Please watch, the hot chick to TV show quotient is getting annoyingly low. That and these are good shows! Brings the total of live action shows I watch to…three.

So has anyone seen the Real World: Denver? I watched two episodes when I got snowed in (mainly because there was nothing on) and all I can say is….Dave Chappelle needs to sue. NOW.



Okay, now did you hear the name of the large black man? Tyrie. Now have you seen the Real World Denver? There is a large black man. Named Tyrie. That scares the white roommates. Named TYRIE. A is swole like an, I dunno former inmate. NAMED TY-FUCKING-RIE!! Of the about 16 million black men in America, MTV had to find a large black man named Tyrie. HAD TO! I have nothing against the guy, if I am not mistaken I went to some of the clubs they were at while I worked in Denver. Or maybe not, I was pretty fucking hammered for 60% of last year. He seems like a cool cat from the…two episodes I’ve seen. Just gets a bad rep because he’s massive and black. It sucks being a big black man. If you say nothing, everyone really is afraid of you. If I kept my mouth shut and mentioned nothing about my affinity for J-pop, anime and 80’s music (Fuck you, I liked Huey Lewis. The News…not so much) people would be afraid of me. I don’t even have a menacing glare or wear thuggish clothes but people really keep away. Until I quote the Venture Brothers or Aqua Teen and people just stay away from me because I am a nerd.

That moves pretty nicely into my next rant…

THUGS

Okay, now anyone that knows me understands that I don’t hate thugs, I hate their actions. Now there is a misconception these days of what a thug is. Some think it is a person, some think it is a lifestyle. Some think it is just fashion. Well, I am here to help all of you who are unaware of what a thug is. The definition of a thug is:

A ruffian, a miscreant, a person who behaves in an aggressive manner towards others.

Not like how Young Jeezy and Lil Scrappy (What happens when he turns thirty? Is he still ‘Lil’?) describe, is it? So to explain, here is a new installment of…

LEARNING WITH MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI!!
Thug Style Edition

First things first, what are my credentials for being able to give a tutorial on thugs? Well:

1. I beat Def Jam Vendetta AND Def Jam: Fight for New York. Twice.
2. I have seen all of the Penitentiary movies.
3. I shot a dude. In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Same thing

And if that isn’t enough cred for you, I used to ghost write for MC Skat Kat. Who is more thug than a rapping cat? I rest my case. Anyway, lets get started with the lesson. First things first:

I Poppa freaks all the honeys. Just kidding, I had to do it.

Okay, to reference above being a thug is not a fashion style or a lifestyle. I used to wear throwback jerseys and hats back in college. Why? Because I liked the teams. Just because you wear a jersey or a hat it doesn’t make you a thug. Just because you wear an oversized white tee (the DUMBEST fashion trend to come about since Pop Swatches, and I had like 5 of them bitches so I know) doesn’t make you a dope dealer. It makes you a dipshit in an oversized shirt and a wad of $100 bills. As a matter of fact, here is a list of traits that are NOT THUG, just bad sense:

Wifebeaters: Yeah…they are undershirts. I don’t give a fuck how many muscles you have or how much women swoon, it looks like a bustier. I have scientifically proven that women don’t know what they want anyway. See Fantasia’s new single, Destiny’s Child ‘Soldier’ and Shareffa’s ‘I Need A Boss’ as evidence. Thugs beat women, any self respecting ‘thug’ punches a woman for breathing because his life is rough and he a soldier for the streets. Or some shit like that, I really don’t speak hip hop.
Chains: Of any color or metal. Yeah, I have a necklace but it is from Bleach. BLEACH! I wear a chain from an anime, not a diamond studded Jesus medallion or a spinning two (for Duece) that plays ‘Girls on Film’ by Duran Duran when I spin it. Which would RULE, but I digress. Long chains don’t say thug, they say bad fashion accessory and that you don’t use power tools.
Sneakers/Boots: Remember when shoes were for walking? Now they are all about the thug lifestyle. I had Lugz boots, mainly because I have Hobbit feet (size 13) and couldn’t get regular people shoes because they end at 12. That didn’t make me thuggish, but that is what people thought. It pissed me off to no end, too. Oh, and the sneaker craze? FUCK G-UNIT. I swear those shoes were ass ugly. Nothing says thug like lime green and white sneakers. Fucksticks.
LED Beltbuckles:



I won’t even waste time on this shit. All I know is if someone steals my idea for LED Grillz I will punt their children. If anyone is going to take money from black men, it is gonna be me! Taking advantage of your own people with shit they don’t need is the black man’s dream. Drugs and spinning rims anyone? Oh, I went there.
Phantoms/Laborghinis: Okay….my guess is that being a thug is about struggle. Nothing says struggle like a $450,000 car. Once you buy are car that is worth more than the house you grew up in, you cannot be a thug. I’m sorry, the struggle is over. Don’t give me that shit about it is a stuggle to be black because I am and I know being black sucks ass. Especially when you have a white sounding name and you get the ‘HOLY SHIT, HE’S A N*****R!’ look when you go in for interviews. That and the credit thing. Which means all these high priced cars are purchased with cash. Speaking of cash…
Exorbitant Spending: I think that word is used out of context. Whatever, thugs can’t read, they are too busy keeping it real. Just kidding, they have to read Biggie lyrics, right? Anyway, like I stated before most ‘thugs’ claim that they are a product of a struggle. In the hip hop community (which I don’t think is a community as much as it is a fucking COMMODITY) having money is they pinnicle of success. That and having Vida Guerra in a video. In thugs defense…

Damn, where do I enroll in Thug College. Oh wait, it’s University of Miami. ZING! So, with all being said I don’t see how throwing money around is considered being ‘thug’ at all. I have never seen a Justin Timberlake video where he is tossing money on a writhing woman who is seeing about 1/100th of that fake money (GASP! Breaking the illusion!) in her wage for the video (a different rant altogether) on a rented Bentley. Yet that is every rap video I have seen since…well…ever? It just gets redundant and annoying.
Violence: This isn’t thug, this is just stupid. Everyone has the right to carry guns. Hell my dad is a member of the NRA and Zach loves his gun more than I love crazy women. And I loves the crazy women, it’s my Achilles Heel if you will. Hell, I am all for gun control and ownership. However, there IS a glorification of violence in hip hop and by ‘thugs’ in general with the whole ‘ride til you die’ philosophy. Odds are, if you are in a situation where your life is in danger, either you enlisted into that role or you are doing something or in a place where that thing is the norm. Violence isn’t an option, it’s a last resort. I love how people (mainly black, sadly) say that they are just following the example that is given by our leaders. What the fuck is this, Nuremberg?! Bush also nearly choked to death on a pretzel. Think about that for a minute.

Now I know what you are thinking. ‘Hey, you listen to rap music all the time!’ ‘T.I. is your pick for artist of the year!’ Yes, I take ownership of that. I do listen to rap music and yes I prefer a lot of rap artists over other music artists including J-pop. However, I just LISTEN to rap music. I rarely spout off any hip hop phrases (I have been saying ‘Smack that’ for the last few days but that was because of my alarm clock) and I don’t even dress in notoriously thug clothing (Sean John, Roca-Wear, etc) anymore. The music is one thing, the emulation is another. Hell, I live in Colorado. Aside from Tecnyc, there IS NO HIP HOP CULTURE here, and that isn’t even THUG culture as I believe there is now a huge schizem between the two. Quite simply, hip hop is they culture and ‘thugs’ are the subset of that. A STUPID subset, to boot. (Update: 50 Cent is release a line of books. He needs to fucking stop. Seriously. G-G-G-G-G-LEARNIN!!)

Well, that is enough for today. I will be back tomorrow for the Chachi Top 20 Countdown and will have the finalized Chachi’s up after some discussion about the final nominees. It’s good to be back, peep. Good to be back.

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.