Even Satan Has Friends! He Plays Yatzee With JFK Everyday!

Whats up, peeps. Sad day in Chachi-ville as one my best friends leaves me today. This person was there during my initial interview and his exact words were “So…um…this job is boring. Get ready.” He was there my first day (albeit didn’t come to get me from the lobby where I sat for about an hour and a half listening to Wicked on my iPod) to show me the ropes, which pretty much was “Yeah, the excitement never ends.” He took my tastless, racist, sexist, homophobic and hetrophobic jokes in stride, mainly because he was making them, too. He was there when my boss took us to Blue Star (Roasted duck, bitches!) for dinner and I got a tad bit off the chain on the martinis. Then he was gone the rest of the time but that was neither here nor there. The fact is that he was my work road dog. He was my homie. And I am going to miss my homie. So to H-Ruby…this is for you:

I REALLY MISS…MY...HOMIES! EVEN THOUGH YOU GONE AWAY! I KNOW YOU IN A BETTER PLACE AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE SOMEDAY! Hahahaha…seriously, stay up. Good luck at the new job, homie. Oh, and Pimp-C is a lyrical genius, I don’t give a fuck what ANYONE SAYS. Sweet Jones Jr. talking to ya!

Oh, there is another person that I have to say goodbye to. I don’t WANT to but I guess I had better seeing as how I we are friends. This person…well she finds a way to piss me off everyday. Without fail. Something she does will make me want to…well do this:

BTW, that is why John Cena will NEVER be better than Edge. NEVER. That and he got to the top by banging another mans old lady. It’s kind of my dream! Anyway, back to my nemesis. Even though she pisses me off to no end, it is like…my day is not complete without talking to her. My god…I am totally a chick. I love to be treated like crap! Which is what she does! She makes fun of me; she threw me in a dryer with a wasps nest and made me moon Boy Scout Troop 324! And yet, I came back for more because we are friends. It’s not like the abuse Rick and I or Zach and I dole out to each other because that is 51% to 49% depending on who is drunker or having a shittier day respectively. As for Griff…I can’t stand that nigga. Havent since that Madden game in 1997. I really wanted to strangle him with the controller cord. The abuse from her is mainly one sided. I am always nice and never make fun of her ethnicity or height (or her constant saying of WHATEVER. The dictionary is full of words. FIND ANOTHER ONE!). Yet what does she do? Douse me with water and hook me up to a car battery. Yet…I came back for more. What would make me come back and still be friends with someone that treats me so poorly? Why would I want to cohort (Hmm…interesting word choice?) with someone who uses me for free sake? And sushi? And margaritas? What would bake me feel this way? Could it be? No…no way? It couldn’t be…lo…lo…oh my god it is. That is what I feel in my heart for her. What is this feeling? Does it have a name? Yes. Yes. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss. Lo…lo….loooooooooooooooooo…..

LOATHING


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am the burn master! Call me Dr. Burnenstien! Call me the Chach-dor the Burninator! Call me Chachi Blaze because I am on fire! Chachi on! Aahhhhhhhh, just kidding. Seriously, she is leaving and she is maybe my best friend at work. Not saying much but hey, a title is a title. I’m gonna miss ya, Kimmy. This is for you:

God, Barry Manilow AND Inuyasha? I’m kind of a dick. Seriously, have fun at the new job! You will be missed. Thanks for being a friend, kiddo. I don’t say it enough. I treat you like the Charlie Murphy to my Rick James. I’m sorry Kimmy, I was having a little too much fun. Eh, I’m no good with words. Maybe Randy Newman can use his basic observational songwriting to tell you.

Yeah, you always have a friend in me (oh, and Kingdom Hearts II is actually pretty damn good). Only good Randy Newman song.

Chachi Out