Oh, It's Ladies Night, And The Gamings Right!

What is up, peeps! I’m home, baby. I hope you all missed me! Sorry I wasn’t up over the last three days, but xbox360 and American Idol had me distracted. Still do, actually.

I don’t care what anyone says, Rumble Roses XX is a marvel of technology. I know I bashed this game a while back and everything I said was true: great eye candy that glosses over an average fighting game with very little reward. I have to take that last part back because I got Rowdy Reiko and Becky yesterday and….yummy. For Reiko anyway (that is one hot set of polygons), I don’t like cheerleaders but Becky’s intro kicks ass:

Now I know this game is perverted. You know what? Fuck off, I NEED THIS! After giving up porn and stopping with the ‘One Person Sexy Time’ this is the only interaction with a woman I can get. Let’s face it, who hasn’t wanted to deliver a brain buster suplex to a woman that broke your heart? I know I have. Besides, I don’t expect women to really dress like this, it’s a VIDEO GAME and an entertaining one at that. Just don’t expect Soul Caliber III or Street Fighter III 3rd Impact. Oh, and can I say that Miss Spencer is frickin’ HAWT in her Superstar outfit?

My god, if teachers looked like that when I was still in school I so would have learned more. Can I get a whoop-whoop?! You know…I haven’t done a Top Ten in a while, so it is about that time! So today I give you the…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Game Hawties of All Time!

Yeah, you know it. First off, let it be known that this is just me and who I think is a video game hawtie. I couldn’t fit every lady on here and some I don’t find all that hot some honorable mentions!

Paine (Final Fantasy X-2, one goth chick I am totally digging.)
Sarah (Virtua Fighter Series, have you SEEN Virtua Fighter 5? DAAAAAAMN!)
Ivy (Soul Caliber 2, mainly because I won an online tournament with her once.)
Blaze (Streets of Rage, shorts skirts + kicking high = Genesis greatness!)
Lulu (Final Fantasy X, not even the boobs, it’s the voice. Just….hells yeah)
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark, the N64 one not the X-Box 360 mindfuck)
Christy (Tekken 4, what can I say I like Brazilians. Sans the AIDS, of course)
Alis Landale (Phantasy Star, one of the pioneers of leading ladies in video games)
Rayne (Bloodrayne, I hate this game but the masses like it so she gets a mention)
Miss Spencer (Oh yeah…I am definitely “hot for teacher”)

And AWAAAAAAAY we go!

20. Mai Shiranui (King of Fighters Series)

I’m not sure of this, but she may have been the first game character to have pixels specifically for her bouncing breasts. SAD. But a kick ass character. Fell some spots because of that shitty ass anime movie though. Then they made like 3 more or something, but she got naked in them if you are into that kind of thing.
19. Aya Brea (Parasite Eve)

You know, no one knows about this game. Back when Squaresoft could release ‘shit in a box’ (or as I called it SaGa Frontier. OH, NO I DI-ENT!) and it sell, this game featured a hottie in the lead role that had the SuperAIDS or something. Plot was meh, game was actually cool and Aya was hot. REAL hot. For an animated character, I mean.
18. Taki (Soul Caliber)

Female ninjas are hot. Hell, I may have been sexed up by one. You would never know if you had, they are that fast and that good. Sadly, her jubblies jiggle in the game. You know, technology rules yet pushes us back. Did I mention female ninjas are HAWT?
17. Quistis Trepe (Final Fantasy VIII)

A hot tottie not many people know about. I LOVED FFVIII (except the shitty card game) and Quistis was one of the main reasons I played it. She was smart, hot and was the only character I got up to level 99 when I beat the game. I wish she wasn’t blond but you cant win them all. Besides, ladies + glasses = hawt. Simple math.
16. Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)

This is a game I am having trouble finding. But from what I have seen, she is nice. She isn’t half dressed (shows some tummy but that is about it) and she uses a camera as her weapon. I know a use for that camera, baby. We can go take pictures of woodland animals. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
15. Elise (SSX)

News flash: SSX is the greatest snowboarding game ever. I wanted to put Kaori here but I am trying to but the Kandice theory that I am obsessed with Japanese women. Elise is Canadian. Best thing that came from there since Bryan Adams.
14. Chun Li (Street Fighter Alpha 2)

The original fighting game babe. I for one HATED Chun Li in the arcade mainly because she had no fireball and I was all about winning. It wasn’t until Alpha when she got a fireball (albeit LAME) and that skin-tight outfit that she became my SF lady.
13. Rikku (FFX-2)

Aaaahhhh, yeah! Gimme that J-A-I-L-B-A-I-T! Rikku is hella hot and yes I know how old she is and I don’t care. She is animated for one and if she didn’t want my attention she wouldn’t call to me wearing that skirt and those braids. Oh, and to the Rikku at NDK….I love you. I love you more than I love pie. Cherry, not pecan.
12. Katsumi (Dead or Alive series)

She kicks high, she bounces and she is a ninja. Nuff’ fucking said.
11. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider Legends Version)

Okay, first off I have hated every Tomb Raider game including the first one. They were never fun until Tomb Raider Legends. Oh, and did I mention that Lara looked hella fine in this? Nothing that the X-Box 360 processing power cant fix. Like smooth, milky skin. That I wanna touch…KIDDING!
10. Yuna (Final Fantasy X-2)

Okay, I am going to hear some shit about this. You tell me that she aint hot in that songstress outfit and I will call you a damned dirty liar. If you were at NDK and you saw the cosplay Yuna…hells yeah. Too bad she was like 17 if that. And she was with the worlds gayest Luigi which is hard to do because Luigi is already the ass-pounding king of the Mushroom Kingdom. Even still, Yuna is hot.
9. Kurenai (Red Ninja: End of Honor)

I already told you! Female ninjas are hot! Especially ones that can behead your ass with the swiftness. And wear only the top half of a kimono. You know how I feel about the kimono. And I don’t mean the dragon. Insert lame penis joke here. I’m not going to.
8. Yuffie Kisaragi (FFVII)

Oy vey, another hawt Japanese lady that is assuring me jail time. God damn you, Squaresoft! Man, I am LUCKY she is a video game character because if she wasn’t and she dressed like she did in Advent Children MY GOD. My life officially sucks. Oh, and to the Yuffie at NDK…I’d so wreck that.
7. Princess Peach (Super Mario Brothers)

The original! Something about a woman in a gown kind of….does it for me. Although I wasn’t about saving her every damn level (pick a castle, stay in it), she made it worth it. Oh, and the digs big dudes. Hells yeah.
6. Samus (Metroid Series)

Who knew that underneath that cold, metal battle armor was a beautiful lady that wanted to save us all? Samus is on point and can pilot a battle armor like no ones business. To me, piloting battle armor is hot. Says a lot about a woman that she can destroy a giant brain. Too bad the kids will be FREAKS.
5. Sakura (Street Fighter 2 Alpha)

Okay….alright. I have finally joined the club. I am NOT a fan of the Catholic schoolgirl outfit (Because I don’t like Catholics) but the Japanese schoolgirl/sailor outfit has finally made a fan out of me. Add in the fact that women that throw projectiles and Dragon Punch make me a little happy and that is why Sakura is up here. Oh, and she is Japanese so yeah I do have a LITTLE bit of a preference. Sue me.
4. Aeris (FFVII)

Now for the shocker. How come Aeris isn’t #1 you say? She’s dead, dude. And I aint into that. I am a Doctor of Necromancies, not a Doctor of Necrophilia. I will admit that when Aeris was ALIVE she was quite the hawtie. She gave her life for the planet but in the end…she kind of played Cloud like a sap. That is not cool! Oh, and something about that outfit of hers screams ‘You know you want this’. It’s be cause I do.
3. Reiko Hinamoto (Rumble Roses)

God….DAMN. She is the only reason I play Rumble Roses (Yes, I own BOTH games. I NEED THIS!). I mean look at the outfit. It is functional, fashionable and whoa Nellie is it saucy! With the top that just says “I’m ready for business, and business is BOOMING” and the shorts unzipped ever so slightly that show the ‘Zero’ on the undies (Because that is the chance I would have of ever getting a date with her because I ain’t got no flava!) she is hot and ready to hurt! To top it off, those shorts are on the tight end, but STILL cover more than what I have seen in the club. Oh, and she is actually a very balanced character, too. Overall….I love you, Reiko. In all your polygonal rendered glory.
2. Tifa (FFVII)

WHAT?! Tifa is at #2?! How in the hell?! I will tell you how in the hell: I am not a fan of the over-the-top ta-ta’s. Now I know Reiko is packing the heat but they aint over-the-counter if you get my drift (unlike Aisha’s and Dixie’s which are the size of a fucking Mini Cooper and twice as disgusting looking). Tifa in the original FFVII was just….I was not a fan. It was a reason I was such a fan of Aeris for a while (Who may not be packing, but was Mandy Moore before Mandy Moore was Mandy Moore. Holy shit, I have found the actress for the eventual live-action movie!). Until I saw Final Fantasy: Advent Children and saw the new and improved Tifa. All I can say is damn. After getting hit on by two at NDK (Albeit their COMBINED age didn’t equal mine) I must say…yes. Even with all the video game hotness that is Tifa…she is not my #1…
1. Jill Valentine (Resident Evil 3)

Mmmm….I know I am referring to Jill in the tube top and skirt in RE3 (the second best RE game in my opinion behind RE4 and slightly ahead with Code Veronica, IMHO) but Jill was hot in EVERY GAME. Something about a woman shooting the heads off of zombies, kicking undead dogs in the face and firing a rocket launcher are H-O-T to me. She has the ‘girl next door that will fire an acid grenade at a giant spider for you’ look going on. Nothing says love like a woman that will kill a giant spider for you. Beauty, brains (Picking locks and solving crank puzzles? Can she get any hotter?!) and blowing up Nemesis put her as the Hawtest Video Game Lady…..EVER!

Now I am not leaving the ladies out. I will do the Top 20 Bishie Hawt Game Characters Ever either Thursday or Sunday! You can guarantee Hitsugaya is going be there. Fuck you, he has only been in Japanese games but he’s a cutie!

American Idol Update!!

Lastly, I think Blake’s sorry ass is going to win American Idol. People have asked why I despise Blake so much. Well, first off he looks like a mouth-breather. Second off, sorry old schoolers but beat-boxing has always be dumb. The fact he is doing it is STILL dumb because he is trying to bring back something that was never really all that cool to start off with. Lastly, he really can’t sing. He butchered Robin Thicke’s “Can I Get You Alone” and let’s just leave his vocal rape of “This Love” by Maroon 5 out of this. The fact is that over the last few weeks, his performances have always been better than someone not as good or having an off day. Aside from the Phil and Chris fiasco (in which America fucked up BIG TIME) he has been the best of the worst. None of these people are original (Jordan = Kimberly Locke, Melinda = Kimberly Locke, Blake = Retarded flipper baby/Clay Aiken hybrid) but he is the least original of the bunch. Remember when Justin did beat boxing? He stopped after one song. Why? IT SUCKS! So does he. Jordin is gone, it will be Melinda vs. J-Tim Vista Basic. Sigh, democracy DOESN’T WORK.

Well, that is all for now peeps. I will either be back tomorrow or Friday for the Countdown. Will nobodyknows+ hold on to #1 for a third week? Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.