What is up peeps?! Yes, I know it has been a while so just stop with the “WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN AT, NIGGA?!” before it even starts. It has been a rather interesting last few months and those of you that know me know what’s up but those that don’t just know there has been a good reason why I have been gone. Takes time to write and I have been a tad bit occupied. I’m sorry and I promise to be up more often. I know I say that a lot but I will be up when it hits me.
With that being said, its time for….
Where You Been At?!
Yep, I Am Officially Old
Well, I turned 31 a few months back in September and I must say…it was a good night but the feeling has become underwhelming. When I turned 29, I was in such a panic because I was unemployed and wondering if it was time to just give up and be a gigolo:
Worked for David Lee Roth and those of you that know me understand the hilarity of this video in reference to that last paragraph. At the same time…life goes on without me. Sad and lonely! Sad and lonely! Yeah, three people get that and that is why we are homies for life.
But when I turned 30…I realized that you are only where you are because you haven’t gotten to where you want to be. You are only as stuck as you allow yourself to be and although I have realized that a few times over the years when times get rough you do forget that fact. So it was at that point that I decided to make moves to get to where I want to be and getting older no longer became a hassle or a fear. When I was in my 20’s I dreaded hitting 30. Now that it happened and especially since when I turned 31 I did the exact same thing that I do when I hang out with my friends anyway I learned that getting older only gets hard if you don’t actually grow up. Anyone that knew me in my mid-20’s knows…I was a fucking HOT MESS before the term even existed but I always learned from my asshatery which meant I was always learning shit. So as I got into my late 20’s and eventually thirty I had done all my stupidity and now all the new stuff (Except for one…Joey knows what I’m talking about! Amirite? Man, I am such a BITCH!) is just Version 2.0 of old stuff and I can handle because I am mad at myself for doing the same shit twice. Getting older is learning from mistakes no matter how often they come. That’s what 30 will teach you. That’s about it, though.
Women Don’t Get Better With Age
Yeah, I said it. From first-hand experience (The book of my life is coming soon and I honestly believe Charlie Sheen would even be disappointed) and the direct experience of others I have realized that a high percentage of women don’t get better with age. They don’t even get worse. They just stay the damn same. It took a minute to realize but the same non-sensical views about chivalry and relationship roles girls have at 20 are the exact same non-sensical views about chivalry and relationship roles women have at 40. Men should open doors and revere them despite them having no character trait or redeeming quality to speak of. I’m sorry but if a woman is something to be attained and prized you have to bring more to the table than a vagina. Learn a fucking knock-knock joke or some shit! Better yet, watch the Sarah Silverman Program and take a few notes:
Nothing hotter than a woman that is FUNNY crazy, not ignore all laws and statutes because she wants to do something “special” despite being told to stay the fuck away crazy.
Don’t get me wrong, men have done NOTHING to help this situation. In my opinion the downfall of man has directly attributed to the fuckery of women. I told a friend today after meeting another friends boyfriend last week that it felt like girls just went to the back of an American Eagle Outfitters and went to the “Bro-Tastic & Hipster Boyfriend Maker” and picked one out of the boyfriend rotisserie. Then there are Black men…which I don’t know many aside from those I knew in high school. I can say this: I TRULY understand why Black women are frustrated…and it’s your own fault. This actually goes for all women. As you get older and realize there is some shit from a man that you won’t tolerate (No job, no car, no kids, etc.) WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO TOLERATE IT?! If I hear another female friend complain about their man not having a job or having to deal with driving him around or issues with his kids/ex-wife/crazy ex-babymama I will have a Professor Chang freakout:
Do understand, I have said this for years and you all just don’t listen. I will say it ONE LAST TIME:
Men are creatures of habit.
If you sit back and say you are upset about something he does and then you let him continue to do it…HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT BECAUSE HE IS A CREATURE OF HABIT! Unless you curb the behavior and stop putting up with men doing dumb shit they will continue to do dumb shit! Hence why R&B sucks, the number of baby mamas is on the rise and Tyler Perry hasn’t been taken into the street and beaten with whiffle bats.
In the end, this is something I said to a friend of mine and I don’t honestly think I am wrong about this anymore. Now this isn’t ALL women just like ALL men don’t like to bro out with the bros rather than take their woman out to see A Christmas Carol. However, it is rather true:
The major issue is the majority of women we interact with aren’t fun and have no personalities because they have been taught since birth that that are objects to be desired and attained. Therefore HE should have culture and HE should have personality because HE needs those to win YOU. So they never have to actually be engaging or witty. Cold? Yes. True? Partially. Needed to be said, though.
It can actually be put best in the words of an old rhetor…
All I say is for help, not to hurt. Live, laugh and learn peeps. It’s good to be back.
Chachi Out
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Ladies, Stop Saying "Watch Me Do Me"...It Never Means What We Think It Does.
Well guess whose back in the mickey-ficking house? With a brand new blog for your mickey-ficking mouth? Yeah, that’s me. So tomorrow puts us at the half-way month for 2011 and I must say that things are going a lot better in 2011 than they did in 2010. You all know the cluster that 2010 was and even though some great things came out of the year, it was still the model of wasted times and deferred dreams. You learn from mistakes, though.
So this weekend I spent Sunday and Monday with the fam and after spending Sunday night downtown in Colorado Springs (Don’t ask why…I knew it was a bad idea when I went) I realized that in the famous words of Alfred in Batman Begins:
Some men (and women) just want to watch the world burn. Now that may seem to be a bit of hyperbole but to a degree it is very, VERY true. When I sit back and see someone in the club drink to the point of being belligerent and getting violent I sit back and wonder why would they do something that idiotic if they didn’t want to just ruin the fun for everyone else? I mean there is no reason the fight in the club. Now we all know that aint NO ONE above an ass-whoopin (There are some people whose heads I wish I could go upside right now) but there is a time to fight and a time to let it slide. Getting drunk and acting like an idiot isn’t the right thing to do AT ANY TIME so please just stop. Usually the party can keep on going after the dipshit gets tossed out so we can always just shuffle around those asshats:
That song makes EVERYTHING better. EVERYTHING. I mean even Jesus is dancing to this song!
So a discussion at while I was at lunch came up and it really made me realize that a lot of times…I am right when I NEED to be wrong. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that women don’t want to see men happy unless they are with them because women don’t believe they are fun. It KILLED me when I saw the Kevin Hart segment about it on his comedy special because I can remember that being true back when women were crazy enough to date me (Although it was less dating, more just them yelling at me and asking “where have you been all night?!” at 8pm) and it was totally the case. Even now, women I am just FRIENDS with have to know where I am going and who I am with. Now it could just be for conversation but I noticed that I don’t care who my friends are with if they aren’t with me. Hell, you can hang out with people I don’t even fucking like as long as you don’t bring their simple asses around me.
I understand, ladies. I really do. I want to be part of a good time as well. When people have fun and I am not invited there is that initial “Aw, man I wish I was invited” and then that is followed by “HOLY SHIT, IT’S A PITBULL SONG!”
As we all know, the more Pitbull in something the better it is. Everything could use more Pitbull. Anyway, at that point I am off and doing my own thing which usually ends up at Crocs dancing with large women. Aaahh, you never forget the horrible actions at the Den of Inequity. It is still fun and man…some women just HATE the fact that you can have fun without them. It is almost like treason to go out and have a good time with other people when you have any kind of female that is more to you than just someone that steals your knives for their own sneak attacks. Man, I have lived in some messed up shit!
Now I rarely think that this is on purpose, at least in the cases that I have personally dealt with (Except for a few crazy ass cases in which I had to drop their asses like a looter in a riot. Cypress Hill, bitches!). I honestly think that women have to (and again, THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!) be the center of happiness for an individual, especially a man. Now this isn’t always a negative, sometimes they just want to know they are special to that person and them going out and having a better time with OTHERS than with THEM can be hurtful which I get completely. Now maybe it is just me because I have rarely had anything in common with my female friends and even LESS with the few women that dated me but I was happy when they went out with their girlfriends and had a good time because odds are, I sure as FUCK didn’t want to go with them to that place. Just like I don’t want to drag someone someplace they don’t want to be and have no interest in going I would hate it for a woman to do the same to me so I DON’T do that. I have always understood trying new things and wanting to be with someone for the sake of their company but if my woman wanted to go line dancing…we breaking up.
Hells no, I won’t go. Anyway, go out and have fun. I am done for the day. I was supposed to be working anyway so it is about time to finish up. I will try to be up at some point this week, though. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
So this weekend I spent Sunday and Monday with the fam and after spending Sunday night downtown in Colorado Springs (Don’t ask why…I knew it was a bad idea when I went) I realized that in the famous words of Alfred in Batman Begins:
Some men (and women) just want to watch the world burn. Now that may seem to be a bit of hyperbole but to a degree it is very, VERY true. When I sit back and see someone in the club drink to the point of being belligerent and getting violent I sit back and wonder why would they do something that idiotic if they didn’t want to just ruin the fun for everyone else? I mean there is no reason the fight in the club. Now we all know that aint NO ONE above an ass-whoopin (There are some people whose heads I wish I could go upside right now) but there is a time to fight and a time to let it slide. Getting drunk and acting like an idiot isn’t the right thing to do AT ANY TIME so please just stop. Usually the party can keep on going after the dipshit gets tossed out so we can always just shuffle around those asshats:
That song makes EVERYTHING better. EVERYTHING. I mean even Jesus is dancing to this song!
So a discussion at while I was at lunch came up and it really made me realize that a lot of times…I am right when I NEED to be wrong. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that women don’t want to see men happy unless they are with them because women don’t believe they are fun. It KILLED me when I saw the Kevin Hart segment about it on his comedy special because I can remember that being true back when women were crazy enough to date me (Although it was less dating, more just them yelling at me and asking “where have you been all night?!” at 8pm) and it was totally the case. Even now, women I am just FRIENDS with have to know where I am going and who I am with. Now it could just be for conversation but I noticed that I don’t care who my friends are with if they aren’t with me. Hell, you can hang out with people I don’t even fucking like as long as you don’t bring their simple asses around me.
I understand, ladies. I really do. I want to be part of a good time as well. When people have fun and I am not invited there is that initial “Aw, man I wish I was invited” and then that is followed by “HOLY SHIT, IT’S A PITBULL SONG!”
As we all know, the more Pitbull in something the better it is. Everything could use more Pitbull. Anyway, at that point I am off and doing my own thing which usually ends up at Crocs dancing with large women. Aaahh, you never forget the horrible actions at the Den of Inequity. It is still fun and man…some women just HATE the fact that you can have fun without them. It is almost like treason to go out and have a good time with other people when you have any kind of female that is more to you than just someone that steals your knives for their own sneak attacks. Man, I have lived in some messed up shit!
Now I rarely think that this is on purpose, at least in the cases that I have personally dealt with (Except for a few crazy ass cases in which I had to drop their asses like a looter in a riot. Cypress Hill, bitches!). I honestly think that women have to (and again, THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!) be the center of happiness for an individual, especially a man. Now this isn’t always a negative, sometimes they just want to know they are special to that person and them going out and having a better time with OTHERS than with THEM can be hurtful which I get completely. Now maybe it is just me because I have rarely had anything in common with my female friends and even LESS with the few women that dated me but I was happy when they went out with their girlfriends and had a good time because odds are, I sure as FUCK didn’t want to go with them to that place. Just like I don’t want to drag someone someplace they don’t want to be and have no interest in going I would hate it for a woman to do the same to me so I DON’T do that. I have always understood trying new things and wanting to be with someone for the sake of their company but if my woman wanted to go line dancing…we breaking up.
Hells no, I won’t go. Anyway, go out and have fun. I am done for the day. I was supposed to be working anyway so it is about time to finish up. I will try to be up at some point this week, though. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, May 30, 2011
Everyday I'm Blogging...When I'm Not Shuffling.
What is up, peeps?! I will admit that it has been a while since I have been on the scene but things got interesting over the last two months at work and now that I have made the decision that getting the hell out of here is the end result once I hit my year mark, things are beginning to look quite smooth. It is all about making sure I do what needs to be done so that I can finally get out and move to the Pacific Northwest, the birthplace of grunge.
Ahh, back when music was done by those with…what’s that word...talent. So with about 4 months until I turn 31, the people close to me know that when I turned 30 it honestly wasn’t that big of a deal to me and I just kind of hung out. It wasn’t monumental, wasn’t painful. It was kind of just another day. Now that 31 is coming up…I realized WHY 30 wasn’t as panic-ridden as I thought it would be. In the words of Copper:
You have been through so much worse, this is kind of nothing.
Some of you know (And those that don’t…you just don’t) that the last decade from 2000 to 2010 was a Decade of Dipshittery, Destruction and Development (THREE D! Pimpin aint easy!) and that when I say that my life has been a “Series of horrible decisions and tragic events turning out just fine” that I am not making that shit up by any means. Last year I honestly marveled at the fact that “I MADE IT TO THIRTY?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!” and it reminded me a lot of my sophomore year in college when I went from nearly being kicked the fuck out of school to being a senior and not remembering anything about that timeframe. Then I decided that I had gotten that far and I might as well finish the mission so I started going to class and actually learning shit. Now I didn’t learn much, but what DO remember learning has helped me out a great deal. As a matter of fact, it was remembering the things I learned in college that I conveniently forgot when I got older because it was easier to NOT FUCKING THINK that has gotten me to a happy point right now. So, for those that say that college is a waste of time I say to you what Chase said to me in my Ethnic Studies class senior year:
You spend four years getting building blocks of life when you go to college, man. College is what you THINK you were taught and whether it is relevant. It is what you take out of those blocks and build out of the knowledge. Taco?”
Yeah, we used to go to the Albertacos for tacos after class because we had a two hour break. Either way, that is a simple quote that pretty much explains life. Every time you do something, win or lose…whether the result is happy or painful…is a block that you use to build your life out of. You shape your life, no one else does. What you learn and take away from your life, the same as your education, is your onus and yours only. If you don’t learn anything and you dwell on those experiences then the fault is no one’s but yours. Let’s face it: life is full of rejection, heartbreak, defeat, sadness, loss, pain and loneliness. Those are just facts. However, it is how you respond to all of those bad things that determines what kind of person you will become. If you take those blocks, shape them into something that can be used in the future to overcome that issue and use it to build something to help you move on then you are on a pretty good path. However, if you take that SAME issue and shape it into an albatross (Or albacore if you are Master Shake) or anchor to hold you where you are at OR EVEN BETTER shape into something in which you can blame others for your own issue…then you are going to go nowhere and you will build nothing. Just like if you state your education has meant nothing because you haven’t attempted to build something out of your knowledge, if nothing then a career path. You have no one to blame for yourself. In the famous words of MC Breed, aint no future in yo frontin:
Rest in peace, Breed. People still don’t know, and that’s why this song will always be a classic. Now that I have gotten the “MESSAGE!!” portion of the show out of the way, it is time to give you what you came here for: a doling of the business to dipshits that deserve to be smacked the fuck up. Yeah, Chachi is back and people need to catch the business. Time to kick some ass:
Okay, let’s get started.
Issue #1: I Know Why You Mad, I Know Why You Mad!
I have said several times that Katt Williams segments about haters is one reason why I was able to pretty much shut down 2010 because that was a year of bad decisions and questionable actions. Why? All because I let haters get me down. For 28 years (Minus a crazy bitch in college and the whole year 0f 2006…get me a drink and I will tell you sometime) I could tell say fuck the world if they couldn’t adjust but last year I hit as low as I could go. Quite simply, I was nothing more than a vicious ass koala bear that used to be a tiger. Then something happened. I realized that I was not surrounding myself with friends and collegues, I was surrounding myself with haters. They were mad because I could see a situation was FUCKED UP and figure out the gasoline wasn’t worth it. They were mad that I could see that no matter how hard some people tried, they couldn’t be like me so they had to try to break me down. I realized that and figured out that I AM MY STAR PLAYER and I needed to make sure I was happy.
You can’t make someone else happy or lead someone else if you are comfortable with yourself and where you are going. So I broke out and took my talents and friendships elsewhere because I FUCKING COULD. Now these people are STILL mad and STILL hating and at first I was under the mindset of “WHY CAN’T YOU FUCKING GET OVER IT AND WORK ON YOUR OWN SHIT?!” and it frustrated me for a while. I just want to be left the hell alone from people that aint about making things better for themselves or others. Then, after a long talk with someone I figured it out. I knew why they was mad. You know why they was mad?
Because those that can’t, hate.
Yep, I am putting that shit on a shirt. People that can’t be happy themselves can only be happy when they hate on those that ARE happy. By making others unhappy like they are, they can in turn be happy because if everyone around them is miserable like they are, they have unhappy people they can be unhappy with. It is a painful that there are people like this but I am sure you can think of people like that right now so I know (sadly) that I am right. So you have to drop those that are trying to pull you down with the quickness. The fact you have to do that because someone is willing to hate is sad, but it brings back the age old question: Why you wanna…playa hata on me?
Mark ass busters!
Issue #2: Pop Is Dead
Yes, I said it. When we look at the landscape and gone are Madonna, Whitney Houston, Cyndi Lauper and Mariah Carey (Pre-crazy Mariah, I mean. She with Nick Cannon now which is a step below rock bottom) to be replaced with Lady GaGa, Ke$ha (ONLY TOO $HORT CAN HAVE THE DOLLAR SIGN IN HIS NAME, BEE-YATCH!), Rihanna (Or as I call her, Popped Eyes because she got two-pieced…too soon?) and Beyonce it makes me realize that all we have to hold on to right now is Justin Timberlake. People can like what they like. I know many people don’t like Atmosphere and Childish Gambino but I don’t take it personal when someone says they don’t. However, when I say “I really don’t like Lady Gaga all that much” people have had the FUCKING NERVE to say that I am a homophobe for not thinking she is a trendsetter. No, David Bowie is a trend setter. Elton John is a trend setter. Annie Lennox is a trend setter. Lady Gaga is average talented and has taken that to superstardom. Which is FINE but don’t sit back and act as if she and Rihanna are the voice of a fucking generation when they are nothing more than singers. Period. It takes a lot more to be a voice of a generation than wearing a meat suit and using religious imagery. If she touches you, that is fan-fucking-tastic. If you like her music, that’s great. Keep that shit to yourself, I will listen to Sara Bareiellis:
I likes what I like.
Issue #3: We Leik Sportz! We Also Don’t Give A FLYING FUCK IF YOU DO.
Okay, I blog about sports from time to time but for the most part I keep the fact that I am a huge sports fan under wraps. The reason why is something I will not go into here (It fucking irritates the shit out of me and those that know me understand why) but I do not understand those that attach to a team to a fanatical point. Was I pissed about Matt Ryan throwing the pick six before the half in the NFC Divisional Playoff game? Hell yeah, but I didn’t get on sports radio and BITCH ABOUT IT LIKE I GOT FIRED BECAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS. I understand that sports are big for people but it gets to a point where you just sound like an spoiled child that has to have everything go their way, even things they cant control (And I know exactly what that sounds like, I have been dealing with one of them for about a fucking year. YEAH, I SAID IT. That comment was whatever you make of it). Sports are entertainment and business in my opinion, nothing more and nothing less. I can detach myself pretty quickly, even from college sports which is probably my favorite of all of them since the athletes don’t get paid…just ask crack babies:
One of the best episodes ever. Anyway, I try to avoid sports talk at all costs because it causes more pointless arguments aside from political arguments (And politics at least EFFECT US in some way. Whether or not LeBron went to Miami or New York didn’t affect my rent check at-fucking-all) but as you know…Denver loves the Broncos like I love applesauce and they never shut the fuck up about them or how much they hate Oakland to which I say…do EITHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS ALTER YOUR LIFE IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY? I leave it at that because the answer is no unless you play for the team or have some stock in them financially. You ponder that shit, I am going to get myself some Jameson’s and ginger ale to help me get through another week of work.
Well, that is all for this week. It is good to be back on the scene and I PROMISE to be back more. Even if it is a quick blurb. I haven’t been able to put the hour or so into typing up my fury or honestly been up to it because I have been tired and annoyed by the dipshittery of those that just don’t get it. Fuck them, I’m back. One more time, with feeling. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Ahh, back when music was done by those with…what’s that word...talent. So with about 4 months until I turn 31, the people close to me know that when I turned 30 it honestly wasn’t that big of a deal to me and I just kind of hung out. It wasn’t monumental, wasn’t painful. It was kind of just another day. Now that 31 is coming up…I realized WHY 30 wasn’t as panic-ridden as I thought it would be. In the words of Copper:
You have been through so much worse, this is kind of nothing.
Some of you know (And those that don’t…you just don’t) that the last decade from 2000 to 2010 was a Decade of Dipshittery, Destruction and Development (THREE D! Pimpin aint easy!) and that when I say that my life has been a “Series of horrible decisions and tragic events turning out just fine” that I am not making that shit up by any means. Last year I honestly marveled at the fact that “I MADE IT TO THIRTY?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!” and it reminded me a lot of my sophomore year in college when I went from nearly being kicked the fuck out of school to being a senior and not remembering anything about that timeframe. Then I decided that I had gotten that far and I might as well finish the mission so I started going to class and actually learning shit. Now I didn’t learn much, but what DO remember learning has helped me out a great deal. As a matter of fact, it was remembering the things I learned in college that I conveniently forgot when I got older because it was easier to NOT FUCKING THINK that has gotten me to a happy point right now. So, for those that say that college is a waste of time I say to you what Chase said to me in my Ethnic Studies class senior year:
You spend four years getting building blocks of life when you go to college, man. College is what you THINK you were taught and whether it is relevant. It is what you take out of those blocks and build out of the knowledge. Taco?”
Yeah, we used to go to the Albertacos for tacos after class because we had a two hour break. Either way, that is a simple quote that pretty much explains life. Every time you do something, win or lose…whether the result is happy or painful…is a block that you use to build your life out of. You shape your life, no one else does. What you learn and take away from your life, the same as your education, is your onus and yours only. If you don’t learn anything and you dwell on those experiences then the fault is no one’s but yours. Let’s face it: life is full of rejection, heartbreak, defeat, sadness, loss, pain and loneliness. Those are just facts. However, it is how you respond to all of those bad things that determines what kind of person you will become. If you take those blocks, shape them into something that can be used in the future to overcome that issue and use it to build something to help you move on then you are on a pretty good path. However, if you take that SAME issue and shape it into an albatross (Or albacore if you are Master Shake) or anchor to hold you where you are at OR EVEN BETTER shape into something in which you can blame others for your own issue…then you are going to go nowhere and you will build nothing. Just like if you state your education has meant nothing because you haven’t attempted to build something out of your knowledge, if nothing then a career path. You have no one to blame for yourself. In the famous words of MC Breed, aint no future in yo frontin:
Rest in peace, Breed. People still don’t know, and that’s why this song will always be a classic. Now that I have gotten the “MESSAGE!!” portion of the show out of the way, it is time to give you what you came here for: a doling of the business to dipshits that deserve to be smacked the fuck up. Yeah, Chachi is back and people need to catch the business. Time to kick some ass:
Okay, let’s get started.
Issue #1: I Know Why You Mad, I Know Why You Mad!
I have said several times that Katt Williams segments about haters is one reason why I was able to pretty much shut down 2010 because that was a year of bad decisions and questionable actions. Why? All because I let haters get me down. For 28 years (Minus a crazy bitch in college and the whole year 0f 2006…get me a drink and I will tell you sometime) I could tell say fuck the world if they couldn’t adjust but last year I hit as low as I could go. Quite simply, I was nothing more than a vicious ass koala bear that used to be a tiger. Then something happened. I realized that I was not surrounding myself with friends and collegues, I was surrounding myself with haters. They were mad because I could see a situation was FUCKED UP and figure out the gasoline wasn’t worth it. They were mad that I could see that no matter how hard some people tried, they couldn’t be like me so they had to try to break me down. I realized that and figured out that I AM MY STAR PLAYER and I needed to make sure I was happy.
You can’t make someone else happy or lead someone else if you are comfortable with yourself and where you are going. So I broke out and took my talents and friendships elsewhere because I FUCKING COULD. Now these people are STILL mad and STILL hating and at first I was under the mindset of “WHY CAN’T YOU FUCKING GET OVER IT AND WORK ON YOUR OWN SHIT?!” and it frustrated me for a while. I just want to be left the hell alone from people that aint about making things better for themselves or others. Then, after a long talk with someone I figured it out. I knew why they was mad. You know why they was mad?
Because those that can’t, hate.
Yep, I am putting that shit on a shirt. People that can’t be happy themselves can only be happy when they hate on those that ARE happy. By making others unhappy like they are, they can in turn be happy because if everyone around them is miserable like they are, they have unhappy people they can be unhappy with. It is a painful that there are people like this but I am sure you can think of people like that right now so I know (sadly) that I am right. So you have to drop those that are trying to pull you down with the quickness. The fact you have to do that because someone is willing to hate is sad, but it brings back the age old question: Why you wanna…playa hata on me?
Mark ass busters!
Issue #2: Pop Is Dead
Yes, I said it. When we look at the landscape and gone are Madonna, Whitney Houston, Cyndi Lauper and Mariah Carey (Pre-crazy Mariah, I mean. She with Nick Cannon now which is a step below rock bottom) to be replaced with Lady GaGa, Ke$ha (ONLY TOO $HORT CAN HAVE THE DOLLAR SIGN IN HIS NAME, BEE-YATCH!), Rihanna (Or as I call her, Popped Eyes because she got two-pieced…too soon?) and Beyonce it makes me realize that all we have to hold on to right now is Justin Timberlake. People can like what they like. I know many people don’t like Atmosphere and Childish Gambino but I don’t take it personal when someone says they don’t. However, when I say “I really don’t like Lady Gaga all that much” people have had the FUCKING NERVE to say that I am a homophobe for not thinking she is a trendsetter. No, David Bowie is a trend setter. Elton John is a trend setter. Annie Lennox is a trend setter. Lady Gaga is average talented and has taken that to superstardom. Which is FINE but don’t sit back and act as if she and Rihanna are the voice of a fucking generation when they are nothing more than singers. Period. It takes a lot more to be a voice of a generation than wearing a meat suit and using religious imagery. If she touches you, that is fan-fucking-tastic. If you like her music, that’s great. Keep that shit to yourself, I will listen to Sara Bareiellis:
I likes what I like.
Issue #3: We Leik Sportz! We Also Don’t Give A FLYING FUCK IF YOU DO.
Okay, I blog about sports from time to time but for the most part I keep the fact that I am a huge sports fan under wraps. The reason why is something I will not go into here (It fucking irritates the shit out of me and those that know me understand why) but I do not understand those that attach to a team to a fanatical point. Was I pissed about Matt Ryan throwing the pick six before the half in the NFC Divisional Playoff game? Hell yeah, but I didn’t get on sports radio and BITCH ABOUT IT LIKE I GOT FIRED BECAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS. I understand that sports are big for people but it gets to a point where you just sound like an spoiled child that has to have everything go their way, even things they cant control (And I know exactly what that sounds like, I have been dealing with one of them for about a fucking year. YEAH, I SAID IT. That comment was whatever you make of it). Sports are entertainment and business in my opinion, nothing more and nothing less. I can detach myself pretty quickly, even from college sports which is probably my favorite of all of them since the athletes don’t get paid…just ask crack babies:
One of the best episodes ever. Anyway, I try to avoid sports talk at all costs because it causes more pointless arguments aside from political arguments (And politics at least EFFECT US in some way. Whether or not LeBron went to Miami or New York didn’t affect my rent check at-fucking-all) but as you know…Denver loves the Broncos like I love applesauce and they never shut the fuck up about them or how much they hate Oakland to which I say…do EITHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS ALTER YOUR LIFE IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY? I leave it at that because the answer is no unless you play for the team or have some stock in them financially. You ponder that shit, I am going to get myself some Jameson’s and ginger ale to help me get through another week of work.
Well, that is all for this week. It is good to be back on the scene and I PROMISE to be back more. Even if it is a quick blurb. I haven’t been able to put the hour or so into typing up my fury or honestly been up to it because I have been tired and annoyed by the dipshittery of those that just don’t get it. Fuck them, I’m back. One more time, with feeling. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Those We Miss The Most Are Often The Ones That You See The Least. Ironic.
Hey, peeps. Feeling kind of down today. Someone close to me that I hadn’t kept as close of contact with that I would have likes just passed away. Took a while to post this because he was one of the five people I can say have truly shaped my career and honestly how I live my life now. He taught me more about leadership and helping people grow than almost anyone, despite only knowing him for about six months. I hadn’t spoken to him directly in about 10 months or so (A few voicemails and texts were exchanged but that’s about it) but he helped me through one of my lowest points by saying one line and one line only:
“Don’t let this moment define you. The one that defines you…is you.”
I am paraphrasing because I was a bit numb when he told me this but it really calmed me down and taught me a huge lesson about life: you are what you make of yourself. I cannot say enough kind words about this man, and others that knew him better can put the words much better than I can so I won’t even try. All I can say is that if I can be half the man he was when he was alive, I will be more than elated.
It’s funny how those that you know the least amount of time are the ones that touch and shape your lives the most. With that being said, Michael Van Doren, I am a better man for knowing you:
I know you will rest in peace and better things are in store for you. That is all for now. I will have some rants and funny stuff up soon, I promise. I just had to get that out. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
“Don’t let this moment define you. The one that defines you…is you.”
I am paraphrasing because I was a bit numb when he told me this but it really calmed me down and taught me a huge lesson about life: you are what you make of yourself. I cannot say enough kind words about this man, and others that knew him better can put the words much better than I can so I won’t even try. All I can say is that if I can be half the man he was when he was alive, I will be more than elated.
It’s funny how those that you know the least amount of time are the ones that touch and shape your lives the most. With that being said, Michael Van Doren, I am a better man for knowing you:
I know you will rest in peace and better things are in store for you. That is all for now. I will have some rants and funny stuff up soon, I promise. I just had to get that out. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, March 07, 2011
Every Time You Update Facebook, A Puppy Gets Rickets.
Okay, first off I must say that the fact it is 24 degrees outside in March means that I have pissed SOMEONE off in a past life. Or a current life, I don’t know. I kind of drift in and out of my own life because it is more fun that way; I like to be surprised by my actions. So 2011 is only three months old and I have to say that if I have learned nothing, it is that Facebook has offered me little to no redeeming factors to my life. Seeing as how I spend half of my time saying “Who is this person and how did you get on here?” for about 70% of the updates that show up I must say that it has actually confused me more than anything else. It actually makes me understand the plight of older people when they were confused on why we thought that the high-top fade was a good idea….ever:
Okay, now I remember why that was in fashion. Kid N’ Play were DOPE! Anyway, maybe I am lost in the world as Kanye would say but I have to say a few things about the crap that is on there and it goes a little something like this.
#1. No One Gives A SHIT About Your Pokemanz
Pining for nostalgia is one thing, but refusal to accept when no one gives a shit about something is another bag of dead Raichus’. I have been involved in my own searches for more money in my youth (Captain Power and those video tapes you could shoot your plane at, StarCom men and those 55 piece playsets) but at some point…you have caught them all and need to move on. I don’t give a shit about your Pokemon Black, Blue, Turquoise or Menstrual Crimson Versions of that dumb ass game. The next person to inform me that they have Pokemanz…is getting de-friended and getting shot. Maybe not in that fucking order. I don’t care and Pokemon has and always will be the most asinine program since Homeboyz In Outer Space. The only good thing about that show was the goddamn Pokerap and even THAT was slightly above Nelly-worthy:
By the way, only the FIRST Pokerap was worth a shit. All the others after were like the multiple remixes of Tag-Team’s “Whoomp! There It Is” and not worth the time and ended up killing small children. Or not, again I kind of zone in and out.
#2. If You Are Going To Put Your Life On Display…Make Sure You WANT It On Display
Okay, the internet is an open forum that you cannot stop. If you are going to put things about your life on the internet make sure you are ready to have them in a forum that can be read and seen by ANYONE. You think your words don’t make it back to your job when you complain about how shitty your boss is? They do so if you don’t want the world to know then shut the fuck up. You don’t want your pictures showing up on pornsites or places you don’t want them to? Don’t put them up. I know you should have the right for privacy and blah blah blah but someone can buy your address information for less than a fucking Big Mac so if someone wanted to find you, they can and will. Now if someone hacks into your account then by all means you have been violated but to put your information or photos on website that at its core is social networking means that any information you put on there is NETWORKED SOCIALLY. This is coming from a man who is on no less than 100 forums and 300 Facebook pages dressed as a deceased funk musician/singing, lovemaking cartoon chef. I knew the repercussions and I actually embrace that. Now if I showed up on a Fox News site, then I may be pissed but until then I made the choice to dress that way and I don’t mind it’s on the internet. When I put updates about going out and having a few drinks I know exactly the mental vision I give off and I don’t mind because the club can’t handle me right now:
What can I say, I likes to get down. Either way, I am fine with that for the most part. When I don’t want it known what I am doing and how I feel…I DON’T PUT IT ON FACEBOOK.
I have more, but I am kind of burnt out right now. A lot of things weighing on my last nerve and I may have to get buck wild pretty soon. Next blog will likely be about women at the club. Stay tuned!
Chachi Out
Okay, now I remember why that was in fashion. Kid N’ Play were DOPE! Anyway, maybe I am lost in the world as Kanye would say but I have to say a few things about the crap that is on there and it goes a little something like this.
#1. No One Gives A SHIT About Your Pokemanz
Pining for nostalgia is one thing, but refusal to accept when no one gives a shit about something is another bag of dead Raichus’. I have been involved in my own searches for more money in my youth (Captain Power and those video tapes you could shoot your plane at, StarCom men and those 55 piece playsets) but at some point…you have caught them all and need to move on. I don’t give a shit about your Pokemon Black, Blue, Turquoise or Menstrual Crimson Versions of that dumb ass game. The next person to inform me that they have Pokemanz…is getting de-friended and getting shot. Maybe not in that fucking order. I don’t care and Pokemon has and always will be the most asinine program since Homeboyz In Outer Space. The only good thing about that show was the goddamn Pokerap and even THAT was slightly above Nelly-worthy:
By the way, only the FIRST Pokerap was worth a shit. All the others after were like the multiple remixes of Tag-Team’s “Whoomp! There It Is” and not worth the time and ended up killing small children. Or not, again I kind of zone in and out.
#2. If You Are Going To Put Your Life On Display…Make Sure You WANT It On Display
Okay, the internet is an open forum that you cannot stop. If you are going to put things about your life on the internet make sure you are ready to have them in a forum that can be read and seen by ANYONE. You think your words don’t make it back to your job when you complain about how shitty your boss is? They do so if you don’t want the world to know then shut the fuck up. You don’t want your pictures showing up on pornsites or places you don’t want them to? Don’t put them up. I know you should have the right for privacy and blah blah blah but someone can buy your address information for less than a fucking Big Mac so if someone wanted to find you, they can and will. Now if someone hacks into your account then by all means you have been violated but to put your information or photos on website that at its core is social networking means that any information you put on there is NETWORKED SOCIALLY. This is coming from a man who is on no less than 100 forums and 300 Facebook pages dressed as a deceased funk musician/singing, lovemaking cartoon chef. I knew the repercussions and I actually embrace that. Now if I showed up on a Fox News site, then I may be pissed but until then I made the choice to dress that way and I don’t mind it’s on the internet. When I put updates about going out and having a few drinks I know exactly the mental vision I give off and I don’t mind because the club can’t handle me right now:
What can I say, I likes to get down. Either way, I am fine with that for the most part. When I don’t want it known what I am doing and how I feel…I DON’T PUT IT ON FACEBOOK.
I have more, but I am kind of burnt out right now. A lot of things weighing on my last nerve and I may have to get buck wild pretty soon. Next blog will likely be about women at the club. Stay tuned!
Chachi Out
Monday, February 28, 2011
R. Kelly: Making Urinals Obsolete Since...12 Play?
What is up, peeps? It is another Monday and all I have to say is…bleh. This last weekend was interesting to say the least. Thursday was eye opening and Friday at the Tavern was AWESOME. Love seeing white people getting injured to the Cupid Shuffle:
So I quickly wanted to talk about something that a friend of mine pointed out to me. These things are the epitome of annoyance and are some of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. As a man, these things disgust me to a point of looking for other places to frequent because these horrible inventions are there. I am talking about flushless urinals.
Now I have only had to deal with these in newer malls (Park Meadows, I am looking at YOU) and most airports I have landed at over the last few years and until I had it brought to my attention and thought about it, these things are fucking gross. Yes, I know they save the environment by using no water and blah blah blah yakkity smackity but honestly think about this. Whenever you use a urinal, no matter how awesome you are…you get splash back. It is disgusting and annoying but it is a fact of life. Usually, it’s YOUR splash back that hits you in a regular urinal. Plus some nasty ass toilet water, but it is your pee none the less. In a flushless urinal…not so much. You are pretty much R. Kellying yourself because when there is splashback in a urinal that doesn’t flush the persons pee before you is likely still in there. That shit is GROSS.
We all watched “A Convenient Truth” (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….whoo…man, Rick and I wish we could get that 30 minutes back) and we know that we need to conserve cake and paper but man, saving the environment shouldn’t mean that I get pissed on. I am just saying.
Well, I needed to get that off my chest. I will be back soon with another quick rant. Going out after work because…it seems like something odd always happens at EVERY JOB I WORK. I really need to make a sitcom out of my life. It would make things a lot more interesting. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Always Remember: It's Not Sexual Harassment If You're Attractive.
Peeps, we have a problem. For the first time in about…six years or so I think I am sick. It doesn’t happen very often so I am kind of irritated about it because I rarely get ill, let alone get all flu-like and stuff. I am still working, though. Mostly because I can’t be Ciroc Smooth Man of the Year if I let a cold get me down from being at my smoothest:
Smooth don’t take no sabbatical! Man, I wish I could float. I’d have mad honeys.
So I sexual harassment is the topic of this week as it is the beginning of the year and people are being told by their employer that they have to take it because somewhere, somehow….people STILL don’t know what sexual harassment is. Or they choose to ignore the rules and do it anyway which is both douchebaggery and awesomeness all wrapped up into one. I won’t go into all the stories I have heard and seen about sexual harassment but I must say that after being a manager twice (Once directly, once indirectly…because managing outsourced labor out of India is like Bollywood without the awesome dancing):
I would KILL for just once a dance sequence to break out at a job without people looking at you like you just gave their cat a Rusty Venture. They make the day go by faster AND they are a cheap and entertaining team building exercise. Think about your job and how much better it would be if there were spontaneous dance numbers choreographed by Debbie Allen. You think about that, I will continue on.
So on a promo for “House” he was asked by a student (I didn’t really care about the plot, something about a Career Day. Sue me, I don’t really care for the show anymore) “Isn’t that sexual harassment?” to which he responded something along the lines of “Only if the person isn’t hot.” Now this statement made me laugh because it is one of those truths that no one wants to admit but it is the EXACT REASON why sexual harassment is so prevalent: The sexual harassment you want, you don’t get. And the sexual harassment you get…you don’t want.
Okay, now that is a play on a line from The New Guy (An underrated movie, mind you) but I think that it holds true. Americans, for all their depravity, horniness and overall perversity (I’ve seen the internet, and I can’t unsee the majority of it) that we show…we are a totally repressed bunch of high schoolers when it comes to sex. Just dry-humping couches and seeing music videos that look like Caligula meets Lil’ Jon but at the same time the collective minds of the country explode into Jesus Speak when we see a nipple on TV or see two dudes kissing. It is kind of off and the awkward union of conservatism and sexual freedom has screwed up the workplace and made it so I can’t watch a Girl’s Generation video at work and not be seen as a freak:
Good, clean and wholesome fun. Oh, and Yuri is DAMN FINE. There, I said it. So today I present:
Learnin’ With Chachi Presents: What’s The Deal With Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment has been a problem for decades, mostly because there are so many different attitudes and beliefs at work. I mean the lines for what is considered complimentary, flirtatious and downright offensive varies by the individual and in some cases (I am looking at YOU women) vary by the day and or hour. Let’s look at a few reasons why sometimes sexual harassment is so difficult to decipher and differentiate from just being a social human being.
Okay, might as well go there in the beginning to get rid of all you fuckwits I will offend with this point.
Women are fucking crazy
Men are fucking stupid
Combine stupid with crazy and you get chaos
That pretty much sums up sexual harassment in a nutshell but I will go deeper for those that are like “HURDURR, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” Logic would be that as a man, the same jokes you tell to your friends about women that are offensive, wouldn’t be funny to someone that IS a woman. You know that video with the Japanese woman in the Ziploc bag with holes only in the fun zones? It’s probably not going to be found funny by ANYONE, especially a Japanese woman eating a sandwich from a goddamned Ziploc bag. Who in their right mind would send that to ANYONE, let alone someone where you work? The simple thing for men to do is know their audience.
Now this has been a touchy subject for me for a long time. As an employee I felt like you could be a card carrying member of every racist group in America on your own time and even away from me at work but come in my zone talking about “pick that cotton, niggeeeeeeeer!” and I would have to break a foot off in your ass. When I became a manager that kind of changed because you have to think of the team or company as a whole. Having one person on a team that everyone knows is a racist could bring everyone against them. Now racism and sexual harassment are not the same but follow me on this one. I am going to lead you back to the party soon and there will be punch and pie for everyone.
Men need to know their audience from this standpoint: HAVE SOME COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Think of it like this: whatever you are about to say in front of these people…would you want someone saying to your wife? Think about what MIGHT make a woman uncomfortable (Which could be anything or could be nothing. Hell, some movies I watch they just do anal sex in front of everyone and porn is truth, right?) and just don’t do it. Honestly, is it really that imperative to say that offensive thing right then and there?
Now when it comes to touching or offensive language directed to someone…just no. Now I will be the first to admit that I have no problems hugging people (I have abandonment issues) even at work as long as they are okay with it. I have also partaken in my share of offensive jokes and innuendo at work. Yes, in-your-endo. Is it right? Not really. However, at what point is grabbing someone’s body at work or telling someone “You need to be on…my face” in any way, shape or form the right thing to say? Even if the advance is wanted, doing that in the workplace is inappropriate and can only lead to drama (Get a few in me and I will tell you some stories) for everyone. Either someone is going to be like “Aw, no you didn’t” and someone gets sued or someone will be all “Hell yeah, big boy” and then everyone finds out and you are the talk of the workplace and it is your own fool fault. Either way, there are consequences and repercussions up in this bitch. SO DON’T DO IT.
Now as for women…and I am going to be as nice as possible when I say this…with great power comes great responsibility. You fought so hard to get into the workplace to be treated as equals to men…to just dress like whores and get upset when people look at you? It is like how my grandparents got hit by all them hoses and attacked by them damn dogs for me to wear cornrows and say “Dat be whack, nigga!” at work? No, I try to dress like I have some GOD DAMN SENSE AT WORK. Just because it gets you free drinks at Suite 200 doesn’t mean it is respectable attire for the workplace. I’m sorry, just because you wear clothes that are revealing DOESN’T make you a whore but it DOES make you an asshat because you goddamn well it isn’t appropriate to have your boobs hanging out in plain view because they are in PLAIN VIEW. Someone will look at them and honestly it’s like having spinning rims and getting mad because someone is looking at them spin. Now if someone is just being vulgar then by all means that person is in the wrong but if your skirt doesn’t even go past the length of a wallet, all you have will be out for the public to see. Wrong or right (95% wrong, I admit) people will look and yes it is offensive but again with great power comes great responsibility. There are dress codes for a logical reason. It isn’t to stifle your originality, it is to curb your whoredom and avoid oglers and pervasive comments. Just like the reason you cannot have all red on in the club isn’t for your fashion sense, it is because other niggas fucked it up for the rest of us and your ass might get yourself and others shot. You have the right to wear what you want, but you have the responsibility to wear something professional. In other words: DRESS LIKE YOU GOT SOME GOD DAMNED SENSE.
Lastly, the simple fact is that perception is reality. If someone believes they are being harassed, they are being harassed. The intent may not be there, but the receiver is the one that deciphers your actions (Even though the person in question may not even be a part of the situation but if they see it and feel it is harassment, its harassment) and how they see it is how it is. Long story short…don’t say or do…ANYTHING at work. Arms in, side to side. For god’s sake don’t look at them titties!
I will be back up again soon. You all stay up.
Chachi Out
Smooth don’t take no sabbatical! Man, I wish I could float. I’d have mad honeys.
So I sexual harassment is the topic of this week as it is the beginning of the year and people are being told by their employer that they have to take it because somewhere, somehow….people STILL don’t know what sexual harassment is. Or they choose to ignore the rules and do it anyway which is both douchebaggery and awesomeness all wrapped up into one. I won’t go into all the stories I have heard and seen about sexual harassment but I must say that after being a manager twice (Once directly, once indirectly…because managing outsourced labor out of India is like Bollywood without the awesome dancing):
I would KILL for just once a dance sequence to break out at a job without people looking at you like you just gave their cat a Rusty Venture. They make the day go by faster AND they are a cheap and entertaining team building exercise. Think about your job and how much better it would be if there were spontaneous dance numbers choreographed by Debbie Allen. You think about that, I will continue on.
So on a promo for “House” he was asked by a student (I didn’t really care about the plot, something about a Career Day. Sue me, I don’t really care for the show anymore) “Isn’t that sexual harassment?” to which he responded something along the lines of “Only if the person isn’t hot.” Now this statement made me laugh because it is one of those truths that no one wants to admit but it is the EXACT REASON why sexual harassment is so prevalent: The sexual harassment you want, you don’t get. And the sexual harassment you get…you don’t want.
Okay, now that is a play on a line from The New Guy (An underrated movie, mind you) but I think that it holds true. Americans, for all their depravity, horniness and overall perversity (I’ve seen the internet, and I can’t unsee the majority of it) that we show…we are a totally repressed bunch of high schoolers when it comes to sex. Just dry-humping couches and seeing music videos that look like Caligula meets Lil’ Jon but at the same time the collective minds of the country explode into Jesus Speak when we see a nipple on TV or see two dudes kissing. It is kind of off and the awkward union of conservatism and sexual freedom has screwed up the workplace and made it so I can’t watch a Girl’s Generation video at work and not be seen as a freak:
Good, clean and wholesome fun. Oh, and Yuri is DAMN FINE. There, I said it. So today I present:
Learnin’ With Chachi Presents: What’s The Deal With Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment has been a problem for decades, mostly because there are so many different attitudes and beliefs at work. I mean the lines for what is considered complimentary, flirtatious and downright offensive varies by the individual and in some cases (I am looking at YOU women) vary by the day and or hour. Let’s look at a few reasons why sometimes sexual harassment is so difficult to decipher and differentiate from just being a social human being.
Okay, might as well go there in the beginning to get rid of all you fuckwits I will offend with this point.
Women are fucking crazy
Men are fucking stupid
Combine stupid with crazy and you get chaos
That pretty much sums up sexual harassment in a nutshell but I will go deeper for those that are like “HURDURR, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” Logic would be that as a man, the same jokes you tell to your friends about women that are offensive, wouldn’t be funny to someone that IS a woman. You know that video with the Japanese woman in the Ziploc bag with holes only in the fun zones? It’s probably not going to be found funny by ANYONE, especially a Japanese woman eating a sandwich from a goddamned Ziploc bag. Who in their right mind would send that to ANYONE, let alone someone where you work? The simple thing for men to do is know their audience.
Now this has been a touchy subject for me for a long time. As an employee I felt like you could be a card carrying member of every racist group in America on your own time and even away from me at work but come in my zone talking about “pick that cotton, niggeeeeeeeer!” and I would have to break a foot off in your ass. When I became a manager that kind of changed because you have to think of the team or company as a whole. Having one person on a team that everyone knows is a racist could bring everyone against them. Now racism and sexual harassment are not the same but follow me on this one. I am going to lead you back to the party soon and there will be punch and pie for everyone.
Men need to know their audience from this standpoint: HAVE SOME COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Think of it like this: whatever you are about to say in front of these people…would you want someone saying to your wife? Think about what MIGHT make a woman uncomfortable (Which could be anything or could be nothing. Hell, some movies I watch they just do anal sex in front of everyone and porn is truth, right?) and just don’t do it. Honestly, is it really that imperative to say that offensive thing right then and there?
Now when it comes to touching or offensive language directed to someone…just no. Now I will be the first to admit that I have no problems hugging people (I have abandonment issues) even at work as long as they are okay with it. I have also partaken in my share of offensive jokes and innuendo at work. Yes, in-your-endo. Is it right? Not really. However, at what point is grabbing someone’s body at work or telling someone “You need to be on…my face” in any way, shape or form the right thing to say? Even if the advance is wanted, doing that in the workplace is inappropriate and can only lead to drama (Get a few in me and I will tell you some stories) for everyone. Either someone is going to be like “Aw, no you didn’t” and someone gets sued or someone will be all “Hell yeah, big boy” and then everyone finds out and you are the talk of the workplace and it is your own fool fault. Either way, there are consequences and repercussions up in this bitch. SO DON’T DO IT.
Now as for women…and I am going to be as nice as possible when I say this…with great power comes great responsibility. You fought so hard to get into the workplace to be treated as equals to men…to just dress like whores and get upset when people look at you? It is like how my grandparents got hit by all them hoses and attacked by them damn dogs for me to wear cornrows and say “Dat be whack, nigga!” at work? No, I try to dress like I have some GOD DAMN SENSE AT WORK. Just because it gets you free drinks at Suite 200 doesn’t mean it is respectable attire for the workplace. I’m sorry, just because you wear clothes that are revealing DOESN’T make you a whore but it DOES make you an asshat because you goddamn well it isn’t appropriate to have your boobs hanging out in plain view because they are in PLAIN VIEW. Someone will look at them and honestly it’s like having spinning rims and getting mad because someone is looking at them spin. Now if someone is just being vulgar then by all means that person is in the wrong but if your skirt doesn’t even go past the length of a wallet, all you have will be out for the public to see. Wrong or right (95% wrong, I admit) people will look and yes it is offensive but again with great power comes great responsibility. There are dress codes for a logical reason. It isn’t to stifle your originality, it is to curb your whoredom and avoid oglers and pervasive comments. Just like the reason you cannot have all red on in the club isn’t for your fashion sense, it is because other niggas fucked it up for the rest of us and your ass might get yourself and others shot. You have the right to wear what you want, but you have the responsibility to wear something professional. In other words: DRESS LIKE YOU GOT SOME GOD DAMNED SENSE.
Lastly, the simple fact is that perception is reality. If someone believes they are being harassed, they are being harassed. The intent may not be there, but the receiver is the one that deciphers your actions (Even though the person in question may not even be a part of the situation but if they see it and feel it is harassment, its harassment) and how they see it is how it is. Long story short…don’t say or do…ANYTHING at work. Arms in, side to side. For god’s sake don’t look at them titties!
I will be back up again soon. You all stay up.
Chachi Out
Monday, February 14, 2011
Nothing Says Love Like A Baby Shooting Arrows
What is up, people! I know it has been a while since my last update and I apologize because back then things were in a lot of flux. I was at a job that for the first time ever made me want to Sprewell a motherfucker just for seeing said person breathe, the Falcons lost in the playoffs (To Aaron Rogers, of whom I have been a Stan for about 4 years now and prior to that at Cal so it wasn’t as painful but MAN THEY GOT WHOOPED ON!) and I was coming to grips with the fact that Pimp-C was really gone:
Sweet Jones, peeps. Sweet Jones. Anyway, I now have a new job that actually treats me like a human being that breathes air and can put sentences together (I got a Batman yo-yo! SCORE!) and I have FINALLY gotten the riffraff and hangers-on out of my area (For now, we all know that haters are like roaches. They can live forever and show up when you least expect or want them). You will be surprised how much relieving yourself of things that are a detriment, professionally and socially, will help you progress. See previous blogs because I am not going to quote the Eminem line again but if you know it then you understand that it’s time to rock. You don’t get a do-over in life so maximize when you get a chance to do right. Yeah, sometimes I am fucking deep.
So now that we have gotten the pleasantries out of the way, it is time to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face about it. Today, it is time for another rant on the most pointless day on the calendar aside from Martin Luther King Jr. Day because I celebrate that day all year round!
Passion of Chachi Presents: Valentine’s Day
First off, for those of you that refer to Valentine’s Day as “V-Day” understand there is only ONE V-Day, and I celebrate it every day. That is VADER DAY!
IT’S VADERTIME! On the Vader Clock, it is just twelve faces of Vader. Well, much like Vader’s White Castle of Fear, I refer to Valentine’s Day as “The Pain Game” because so much is put into a holiday…that doesn’t need to exist. Don’t get me wrong, love is a grand thing. Well, it is for other people because for me love was a plate upside the head followed by a trail of anger in [Insert her native tongue here] while I wonder if I leave will she stab me in the back with something. Yeah, it was a hell of a ride in the 2000’s.
So after the last six days or so of being asked about “Hey, are you taking out your special lady Valentine’s Day?” and the response of “Well, if the court will let me within 100 feet of her I will” not sufficing, one would think that my response to “How do you feel about Valentine’s Day would be best said by Apacolypta:
On a side note, it is interesting on how the musical tastes of your best friends and yourself overlap after a few years of knowing them. Anyway, I personally have never been AGAINST the day. Much how I don’t have an issue with Macs as much as I think their users are pretentious pricks, the same thing with Valentine’s Day. The day itself is just a day. Much like St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco De Mayo, they are days important to some but excuses to party for others. My issue comes with people that think that Valentine’s Day is anything more than just a day to spend with someone special. The people that think you HAVE to be with someone on Valentine’s Day or your life is incomplete. The people who think that if their partner doesn’t do something for them on that day then they don’t care about them at all and they are no better than a baby-punting Hitler lookalike. THOSE are what I hate about Valentine’s Day: the masses.
I think people need to understand that love isn’t something that needs a day to be expressed. Now people say all the time that people that don’t like Valentine’s Day are “bitter” and “lonely” which can be true. I look at Valentine’s Day much like I look the spirit of Christmas. The meaning of Christmas should be decided by the individuals, not by YOU. At Christmas, my family watches The Wiz and reenacts “Ease On Down The Road”:
Okay…I may have made that up. Still, if we DID do that does that make it not Christmas because we didn’t sing Jesus based Christmas songs and drink cocoa? Christmas is what you make of it whether you believe in the nonsensical story of Santa Claus…or even the slightly more nonsensical story of Jesus Christ’s birth. I mean people believe in the Immaculate Conception but don’t believe in chipmunk that sing and/or solve crimes?:
Right, next you will tell me that you don’t believe that a bear can fly a plane. If you get that reference and you are female, single, over the age of 21 and wont mace me…I love you. Back to the point. You make your own Valentine’s Day. For someone to sit back and say you have to be “in love” or “with someone” to enjoy a day for what you want it to be is like saying you can’t enjoy Black History Month pie if you aren’t Black. Yes, White people we have Black History Month pie and it is THE BOMB!
So this whole thing went on a major tangent but the end result is this:
Valentine’s Day is what you decide to make (or not make) of it.
So those of you that hate Valentine’s Day and take every chance to talk about how the holiday is bullshit and just an excuse for people with someone to validate love that should be shown at all times any-fucking-way: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Quit being bitter and have some Black History Month pie. You are single for a reason so relish it before you have to end up splitting Twix bars with some woman or man while you pine for the days when you could enjoy the awesomeness of two Reese’s cups.
For those of you that think that Valentine’s Day is a day that important enough to constantly inquire about other peoples’ plans for the day and you feel the need to put in your worthless two cents about how not having someone must be “so sad” despite no one giving two shits about you or your significant other or what you do at any point EVER let alone now when you act like going to dinner is a novel concept that hasn’t been done before: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Your relationship is exactly that: yours. No one gives a fuck about your happiness and quite honestly if you have to flaunt how happy you are then odds are you aren’t truly that happy. It’s like rappers: the more you flaunt, the less you got. Subtly is a lost concept in the 2K11 but try it. If you don’t, it may be about that time. VADER TIME!:
If every day was Vader Day, there would be a lot less dipshittery. I think Vader-Bombing someone that walks to EVERY OFFICE to show the flowers and bear their boyfriend got them like they are the first person to ever receive anything ever would stop a lot of that stuff. Just saying.
Well, it is good to be back. I will be back up soon and may actually do the Omnibus I was going to do in December if there are enough questions from the readers. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Sweet Jones, peeps. Sweet Jones. Anyway, I now have a new job that actually treats me like a human being that breathes air and can put sentences together (I got a Batman yo-yo! SCORE!) and I have FINALLY gotten the riffraff and hangers-on out of my area (For now, we all know that haters are like roaches. They can live forever and show up when you least expect or want them). You will be surprised how much relieving yourself of things that are a detriment, professionally and socially, will help you progress. See previous blogs because I am not going to quote the Eminem line again but if you know it then you understand that it’s time to rock. You don’t get a do-over in life so maximize when you get a chance to do right. Yeah, sometimes I am fucking deep.
So now that we have gotten the pleasantries out of the way, it is time to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face about it. Today, it is time for another rant on the most pointless day on the calendar aside from Martin Luther King Jr. Day because I celebrate that day all year round!
Passion of Chachi Presents: Valentine’s Day
First off, for those of you that refer to Valentine’s Day as “V-Day” understand there is only ONE V-Day, and I celebrate it every day. That is VADER DAY!
IT’S VADERTIME! On the Vader Clock, it is just twelve faces of Vader. Well, much like Vader’s White Castle of Fear, I refer to Valentine’s Day as “The Pain Game” because so much is put into a holiday…that doesn’t need to exist. Don’t get me wrong, love is a grand thing. Well, it is for other people because for me love was a plate upside the head followed by a trail of anger in [Insert her native tongue here] while I wonder if I leave will she stab me in the back with something. Yeah, it was a hell of a ride in the 2000’s.
So after the last six days or so of being asked about “Hey, are you taking out your special lady Valentine’s Day?” and the response of “Well, if the court will let me within 100 feet of her I will” not sufficing, one would think that my response to “How do you feel about Valentine’s Day would be best said by Apacolypta:
On a side note, it is interesting on how the musical tastes of your best friends and yourself overlap after a few years of knowing them. Anyway, I personally have never been AGAINST the day. Much how I don’t have an issue with Macs as much as I think their users are pretentious pricks, the same thing with Valentine’s Day. The day itself is just a day. Much like St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco De Mayo, they are days important to some but excuses to party for others. My issue comes with people that think that Valentine’s Day is anything more than just a day to spend with someone special. The people that think you HAVE to be with someone on Valentine’s Day or your life is incomplete. The people who think that if their partner doesn’t do something for them on that day then they don’t care about them at all and they are no better than a baby-punting Hitler lookalike. THOSE are what I hate about Valentine’s Day: the masses.
I think people need to understand that love isn’t something that needs a day to be expressed. Now people say all the time that people that don’t like Valentine’s Day are “bitter” and “lonely” which can be true. I look at Valentine’s Day much like I look the spirit of Christmas. The meaning of Christmas should be decided by the individuals, not by YOU. At Christmas, my family watches The Wiz and reenacts “Ease On Down The Road”:
Okay…I may have made that up. Still, if we DID do that does that make it not Christmas because we didn’t sing Jesus based Christmas songs and drink cocoa? Christmas is what you make of it whether you believe in the nonsensical story of Santa Claus…or even the slightly more nonsensical story of Jesus Christ’s birth. I mean people believe in the Immaculate Conception but don’t believe in chipmunk that sing and/or solve crimes?:
Right, next you will tell me that you don’t believe that a bear can fly a plane. If you get that reference and you are female, single, over the age of 21 and wont mace me…I love you. Back to the point. You make your own Valentine’s Day. For someone to sit back and say you have to be “in love” or “with someone” to enjoy a day for what you want it to be is like saying you can’t enjoy Black History Month pie if you aren’t Black. Yes, White people we have Black History Month pie and it is THE BOMB!
So this whole thing went on a major tangent but the end result is this:
Valentine’s Day is what you decide to make (or not make) of it.
So those of you that hate Valentine’s Day and take every chance to talk about how the holiday is bullshit and just an excuse for people with someone to validate love that should be shown at all times any-fucking-way: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Quit being bitter and have some Black History Month pie. You are single for a reason so relish it before you have to end up splitting Twix bars with some woman or man while you pine for the days when you could enjoy the awesomeness of two Reese’s cups.
For those of you that think that Valentine’s Day is a day that important enough to constantly inquire about other peoples’ plans for the day and you feel the need to put in your worthless two cents about how not having someone must be “so sad” despite no one giving two shits about you or your significant other or what you do at any point EVER let alone now when you act like going to dinner is a novel concept that hasn’t been done before: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Your relationship is exactly that: yours. No one gives a fuck about your happiness and quite honestly if you have to flaunt how happy you are then odds are you aren’t truly that happy. It’s like rappers: the more you flaunt, the less you got. Subtly is a lost concept in the 2K11 but try it. If you don’t, it may be about that time. VADER TIME!:
If every day was Vader Day, there would be a lot less dipshittery. I think Vader-Bombing someone that walks to EVERY OFFICE to show the flowers and bear their boyfriend got them like they are the first person to ever receive anything ever would stop a lot of that stuff. Just saying.
Well, it is good to be back. I will be back up soon and may actually do the Omnibus I was going to do in December if there are enough questions from the readers. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
2011: The Year I Finally Find Out What Meatloaf Won't Do For Love
Guess who is back for the 2011?! Yeah, I know it has been a while but you know how it is. Holidays are busy and sometimes you have to tell them haters to fuck themselves in their own faces. Well, not always in that way but they know what they can do.
So it is a new year and a new decade. I have been doing this blog since about February of 2006, going on five years. Even though I haven’t blogged NEAR AS MUCH as I used to, this has still been a great outlet for my happiness and my rage. Mostly rage because…well, people piss me off a lot. But over the years I have had some great blogs (The Zebra Theory, What’s Wrong With Being Shallow, etc.) and some that I kind of wonder how drunk I was when I wrote them (Any blog with an undertone of a woman doing something wrong…which was pretty much all of 2006-2008’s posts) but each post served a purpose and for the readers I did have (Which I am sure I have lost due to my infrequent updates) that got anything from them I am glad to see that it helped in some way. Or truly mindfucked you, either way its better to feel mindfucked than nothing at all.
So last year I spoke a lot about doing what was best for you, especially if what you are doing is to your detriment. Now, as usual, I didn’t FOLLOW MY OWN FUCKING ADVICE and damn near went nuts doing something that personally made me feel like the same Katt Williams clip I played about the tiger:
Boy did I feel like a tiger in a cage. Trying shit, not working, switching up, not working and repeat. Needless to say, those that know me understand what I am talking about and know that I needed to show a motherfucker that I wasn’t bullshitting. You know the deal.
So let’s put the focus on something that I haven’t really spoken about because…I haven’t really blogged since September or so of last year and blogging is about motivation. That and fuckers don’t read anymore. Thinking about Copper’s idea and posting videos on YouTube but there is no originality in that because like I always say, give a fuckwit technology and it will end up on YouTube. Don’t believe me: see Fred. Nuff’ said. So on my sabbatical before I begin my new endeavor, I was remember some things I used to rant about and I had to see something. People that know me (I mean really know me. No offense to casual acquaintances but it is what it is) have seen that over the last two years, I have calmed down (Minus two days worth of rage after some bullshit events in 2010 but once again, I had to go down that rabbit hole to realize that I needed to get the hell away) to a great extent because at the end of the day life is what you make of it and people are what they make of themselves. You can’t blame others for your problems and you can’t fix those that don’t want to be fixed. Realize those two things and you will be a lot happier, as was I. So tonight, I will bring you the first installment of…
Chachi’s One To Grow On: What Did You Learn?
Yes, I know I say that a lot and now I say it to myself whenever something comes up. And away we go!
What Did I Learn From Bros?
For those of you that don’t know what a bro is, here is a news report for you that should explain:
Now two years ago I HATED BROS. Mostly because in Colorado Springs, I couldn’t walk five feet without seeing some fucktard in an Abercrombie shirt with their hat turned backward talking about the new Hoobastank album. News flash: HOOBASTANK SUCKS. They ruined the Red Martini by getting beer at a martini bar (Call me pretentious but I think that is kind of asinine. Like ordering a hamburger at a sushi restaurant) and made club impossible to go to as they would get drunk and fight, like niggas but minus the humor and entertainment because there is nothing better than a thug fight. That being said, after moving out of the Springs and its sometimes ass-backwards social life I saw that bros are everywhere. In Denver there are MORE OF THEM AND MY GOD THEY CAN BE ANNOYING but Denver also has hipsters, douchebags, wannabe thugs and of course dudes in tight pants. After a while, you realized you can only do what you can. Bros will get drunk, yell “NO HOMO!” and be all-around asshats but in the end you have to just do what you do and have fun where you can. Besides, if you are going to let someone else dictate or diffuse your fun with their actions, unless they are directly impeding your enjoyment, you are an idiot because its YOUR life and it is up to you to enjoy yourself. I would prefer bros be kicked out of bars when they order bottle service and dance on tables (Wow…bros sound like drunk women. MESSAGE!) but they aren’t and I cant stop it so I respect their right to be idiots as long as they don’t impede on me. That’s growing up…in the most ass way possible. I’m not perfect, assholes.
What Did I Learn From Women
Not a MOTHERFUCKING thing. Well, let me clarify that statement. Much like as a Black man I learn little to nothing from Flavor Flav and 50 Cent, I understand that some people are just going to be who they are. You cant stop them, and nor do you want to because I would hate having someone tell me who to be. That doesn’t mean I’m not being a fucking dipshit, I just don’t want to hear about it. Over the last ten years I have heard all the theories and lies about women being smarter than men by women with no science to back it up (Because intelligence is situational unless you are focusing on specific subjects) and men who tell that lie so they can fuck them. Sadly, lying equals fucking. If you are a woman that says “I would never fuck a man that lies to me!” then you are lying to yourself because every man that has fucked you or tried to fuck you, whether maliciously or unconsciously has lied to you because the vagina is like the lying bush (My innuendo is priceless). For some reason, men will say anything they can to get into it no matter the consequences. I used to think that men were taking advantage of women because men would say what women wanted to hear, fuck them and then leave them but there is one thing I have learned from women over the last few years:
They hear what they want, when they want.
Now most people do that, no matter what. But if a woman WANTS to believe you love her, then she will. If a woman wants to fuck you, she will. Whether or not she (or he) thinks of the repercussions is a different blog and the answer IS FUCKING NO BECAUSE HUMANS ARE STUPID. I guess I learned that in some ways I didn’t give women enough credit from the standpoint that decisions made are theirs. They know what they are getting into from the beginning. Not in a negative way, but when a woman has sex and she gets pregnant it isn’t like SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM AND HOW THEY ARE MADE! If she doesn’t, then there are bigger problems that she needs to tackle. If she has sex with a man and regrets it because he doesn’t call her back…or even better stalks her…she knew the end results that could happen. I know I do, and I had to accept them. Boy, did I have to accept them. Fun times, they were NOT being scared to GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT IN FEAR.
What I have learned from women is that they are people. Okay, I know that sounds bad but they can do stuff now!
In all seriousness, those in the know understand what I mean when I say that for a long time I wondered whether women were crazy (Literally. I’ll tell you after a few drinks) because there was no reason for the actions I had seen. Now I say this from what I HAVE SEEN, not what you have seen. Since those days and stepping out of the Springs I realize that women know what they are doing at all times. To think that they don’t would be insane. Whether or not they believe in the consequences of their actions once again is another blog altogether. Now let me say that men don’t get off easy here. The douchery I have seen among men and their actions to women has been mind-numbingly RIDICULOUS and I understand why some women out there think the way they think about men because a good majority of us are one chromosome away from being missing links. That brings me back to what I learned about women being people. People make mistakes, but they also have to decide what they want to learn from them. I would have to say that the main thing I have learned is that I know nothing and have a lot more to learn. I have met people that have made mistakes and learned from them and those are the female friends I am closest to. I also have ones that have made mistakes and will blame anyone and everyone except themselves…and they aren’t my friends anymore. If you aren’t trying to get better, you are getting left behind. Yeah, I said it.
Well, I am about to cut out of this piece. Getting late and its hella cold. I’ll try to be back over the weekend and if not, then definitely on Monday to give an update on the new position. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
So it is a new year and a new decade. I have been doing this blog since about February of 2006, going on five years. Even though I haven’t blogged NEAR AS MUCH as I used to, this has still been a great outlet for my happiness and my rage. Mostly rage because…well, people piss me off a lot. But over the years I have had some great blogs (The Zebra Theory, What’s Wrong With Being Shallow, etc.) and some that I kind of wonder how drunk I was when I wrote them (Any blog with an undertone of a woman doing something wrong…which was pretty much all of 2006-2008’s posts) but each post served a purpose and for the readers I did have (Which I am sure I have lost due to my infrequent updates) that got anything from them I am glad to see that it helped in some way. Or truly mindfucked you, either way its better to feel mindfucked than nothing at all.
So last year I spoke a lot about doing what was best for you, especially if what you are doing is to your detriment. Now, as usual, I didn’t FOLLOW MY OWN FUCKING ADVICE and damn near went nuts doing something that personally made me feel like the same Katt Williams clip I played about the tiger:
Boy did I feel like a tiger in a cage. Trying shit, not working, switching up, not working and repeat. Needless to say, those that know me understand what I am talking about and know that I needed to show a motherfucker that I wasn’t bullshitting. You know the deal.
So let’s put the focus on something that I haven’t really spoken about because…I haven’t really blogged since September or so of last year and blogging is about motivation. That and fuckers don’t read anymore. Thinking about Copper’s idea and posting videos on YouTube but there is no originality in that because like I always say, give a fuckwit technology and it will end up on YouTube. Don’t believe me: see Fred. Nuff’ said. So on my sabbatical before I begin my new endeavor, I was remember some things I used to rant about and I had to see something. People that know me (I mean really know me. No offense to casual acquaintances but it is what it is) have seen that over the last two years, I have calmed down (Minus two days worth of rage after some bullshit events in 2010 but once again, I had to go down that rabbit hole to realize that I needed to get the hell away) to a great extent because at the end of the day life is what you make of it and people are what they make of themselves. You can’t blame others for your problems and you can’t fix those that don’t want to be fixed. Realize those two things and you will be a lot happier, as was I. So tonight, I will bring you the first installment of…
Chachi’s One To Grow On: What Did You Learn?
Yes, I know I say that a lot and now I say it to myself whenever something comes up. And away we go!
What Did I Learn From Bros?
For those of you that don’t know what a bro is, here is a news report for you that should explain:
Now two years ago I HATED BROS. Mostly because in Colorado Springs, I couldn’t walk five feet without seeing some fucktard in an Abercrombie shirt with their hat turned backward talking about the new Hoobastank album. News flash: HOOBASTANK SUCKS. They ruined the Red Martini by getting beer at a martini bar (Call me pretentious but I think that is kind of asinine. Like ordering a hamburger at a sushi restaurant) and made club impossible to go to as they would get drunk and fight, like niggas but minus the humor and entertainment because there is nothing better than a thug fight. That being said, after moving out of the Springs and its sometimes ass-backwards social life I saw that bros are everywhere. In Denver there are MORE OF THEM AND MY GOD THEY CAN BE ANNOYING but Denver also has hipsters, douchebags, wannabe thugs and of course dudes in tight pants. After a while, you realized you can only do what you can. Bros will get drunk, yell “NO HOMO!” and be all-around asshats but in the end you have to just do what you do and have fun where you can. Besides, if you are going to let someone else dictate or diffuse your fun with their actions, unless they are directly impeding your enjoyment, you are an idiot because its YOUR life and it is up to you to enjoy yourself. I would prefer bros be kicked out of bars when they order bottle service and dance on tables (Wow…bros sound like drunk women. MESSAGE!) but they aren’t and I cant stop it so I respect their right to be idiots as long as they don’t impede on me. That’s growing up…in the most ass way possible. I’m not perfect, assholes.
What Did I Learn From Women
Not a MOTHERFUCKING thing. Well, let me clarify that statement. Much like as a Black man I learn little to nothing from Flavor Flav and 50 Cent, I understand that some people are just going to be who they are. You cant stop them, and nor do you want to because I would hate having someone tell me who to be. That doesn’t mean I’m not being a fucking dipshit, I just don’t want to hear about it. Over the last ten years I have heard all the theories and lies about women being smarter than men by women with no science to back it up (Because intelligence is situational unless you are focusing on specific subjects) and men who tell that lie so they can fuck them. Sadly, lying equals fucking. If you are a woman that says “I would never fuck a man that lies to me!” then you are lying to yourself because every man that has fucked you or tried to fuck you, whether maliciously or unconsciously has lied to you because the vagina is like the lying bush (My innuendo is priceless). For some reason, men will say anything they can to get into it no matter the consequences. I used to think that men were taking advantage of women because men would say what women wanted to hear, fuck them and then leave them but there is one thing I have learned from women over the last few years:
They hear what they want, when they want.
Now most people do that, no matter what. But if a woman WANTS to believe you love her, then she will. If a woman wants to fuck you, she will. Whether or not she (or he) thinks of the repercussions is a different blog and the answer IS FUCKING NO BECAUSE HUMANS ARE STUPID. I guess I learned that in some ways I didn’t give women enough credit from the standpoint that decisions made are theirs. They know what they are getting into from the beginning. Not in a negative way, but when a woman has sex and she gets pregnant it isn’t like SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM AND HOW THEY ARE MADE! If she doesn’t, then there are bigger problems that she needs to tackle. If she has sex with a man and regrets it because he doesn’t call her back…or even better stalks her…she knew the end results that could happen. I know I do, and I had to accept them. Boy, did I have to accept them. Fun times, they were NOT being scared to GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT IN FEAR.
What I have learned from women is that they are people. Okay, I know that sounds bad but they can do stuff now!
In all seriousness, those in the know understand what I mean when I say that for a long time I wondered whether women were crazy (Literally. I’ll tell you after a few drinks) because there was no reason for the actions I had seen. Now I say this from what I HAVE SEEN, not what you have seen. Since those days and stepping out of the Springs I realize that women know what they are doing at all times. To think that they don’t would be insane. Whether or not they believe in the consequences of their actions once again is another blog altogether. Now let me say that men don’t get off easy here. The douchery I have seen among men and their actions to women has been mind-numbingly RIDICULOUS and I understand why some women out there think the way they think about men because a good majority of us are one chromosome away from being missing links. That brings me back to what I learned about women being people. People make mistakes, but they also have to decide what they want to learn from them. I would have to say that the main thing I have learned is that I know nothing and have a lot more to learn. I have met people that have made mistakes and learned from them and those are the female friends I am closest to. I also have ones that have made mistakes and will blame anyone and everyone except themselves…and they aren’t my friends anymore. If you aren’t trying to get better, you are getting left behind. Yeah, I said it.
Well, I am about to cut out of this piece. Getting late and its hella cold. I’ll try to be back over the weekend and if not, then definitely on Monday to give an update on the new position. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, December 12, 2010
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas. Minus The Pervert In The Red Suit, I Mean.
What is up, peeps? I am back after another hiatus and it was a pretty good rest. Blogging is a lot harder than it used to be, mostly because of how much work I have to put into not ripping people a new one solely for the fact that they deserve it. If there I have learned NOTHING this year it is the fact that some people flat out never learn and no matter what you do or say, their dipshittery will reign supreme over logic and….well common sense. In the end you let them do their own dumb shit, and the universe will right itself as it may. In other words, fuck them.
So that brings me to today’s blog. Now it has been a long while since I have done a blog about something/a topic rather than just posting random thoughts. In this case, I just deemed it time to kick it old school because there are sometimes that I miss the old me from a creative standpoint. What I feel like blogging about this week ties into something that has been a running theme of this blog since I started this in 2006:
LEARNING
Now learning is something that is a case by case and person by person basis. Two people can go through the same situation and learn COMPLETELY different things from that situation. In the end, netiher is wrong because you learned something. What is key is how you use what you have learned to either climb out of that spot or go down the ladder further. Or in the case of some people, stay in the EXACT SAME SPOT BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LOSE THE COMFORT. Sad, I admit.
I had a conversation yesterday with someone that I kind of trust, more so than most people I have known, and I came to a very interesting conclusion about people and how they handle problems:
You are only as broken as you let yourself become.
Honestly, no one escapes their childhood unscathed or goes through life without issue. Shit happens, you accept it, take it on the chin and fight back or you avoid it. No matter what path you choose, if something happens and you don’t take SOMETHING out of it to grow on, why in the fuck do you get up in the morning? You might as well just read those choose your own adventure books because you sure as hell aren’t getting any substance out of doing the same things that weren’t getting you any substance before.
Well, I’m out for now. I’ll be back later this week for something more in-depth. Got to get ready for another week. Until next time, stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
So that brings me to today’s blog. Now it has been a long while since I have done a blog about something/a topic rather than just posting random thoughts. In this case, I just deemed it time to kick it old school because there are sometimes that I miss the old me from a creative standpoint. What I feel like blogging about this week ties into something that has been a running theme of this blog since I started this in 2006:
LEARNING
Now learning is something that is a case by case and person by person basis. Two people can go through the same situation and learn COMPLETELY different things from that situation. In the end, netiher is wrong because you learned something. What is key is how you use what you have learned to either climb out of that spot or go down the ladder further. Or in the case of some people, stay in the EXACT SAME SPOT BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LOSE THE COMFORT. Sad, I admit.
I had a conversation yesterday with someone that I kind of trust, more so than most people I have known, and I came to a very interesting conclusion about people and how they handle problems:
You are only as broken as you let yourself become.
Honestly, no one escapes their childhood unscathed or goes through life without issue. Shit happens, you accept it, take it on the chin and fight back or you avoid it. No matter what path you choose, if something happens and you don’t take SOMETHING out of it to grow on, why in the fuck do you get up in the morning? You might as well just read those choose your own adventure books because you sure as hell aren’t getting any substance out of doing the same things that weren’t getting you any substance before.
Well, I’m out for now. I’ll be back later this week for something more in-depth. Got to get ready for another week. Until next time, stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, November 29, 2010
People Who Say Life Is Complex Or Hard Don't Know The Konami Code.
What is up, peeps?! I am back again real quick because…well it has been 48 hours since I have had a drink and I am running on about 5 hours of sleep over the last three days. HELLS YES!!! I give it until Wednesday until I start seeing giant blue panda bears dancing to Debbie Gibson’s “Shake Your Love”:
I am MESSED UP. No seriously, this shit aint normal. Even though I like “Lost In Your Eyes” a hell of a lot better. So I do have to say that the urge of getting back into blogging again has been really helpful. A friend of mine brought up a great point about sometimes life gets in the way of doing the things you enjoy which are simple and you take for granted until you don’t do them anymore. I must say that this has been one of them. After taking time to read my past blogs…they were scathing as hell. At least I didn’t keep that rage inside and got it out in a forum where people could say “FUCK YOU, FUCKY!” or “I FUCKING AGREE WITH YOU, FUCKY!” which was always a great thing.
Today while I sat in my cubicle wondering what I’m heading for, wishing I could take myself to the sky (LOST IN YOUR EYES, BITCHES! TWO DEBBIE GIBSON REFERENCES IN ONE BLOG EQUALS WIN!) when something hit me. It was something I must have thought about before because it has been in literature for YEARS but from a logical standpoint it is one many adults just chalk up to living in “reality” but honestly…
WHAT HAPPENS TO A DREAM DEFERRED?
Now a lot of people say “I run my own business, that’s my dream!” which is fine but that is not what I mean. When I say a dream deferred, I am talking about when you were 7 or 8 and wanted to be a ninja or a vampire hunting ballerina? Now that sounds made up, but in the 6th grade there was a girl who said she wanted to be that and god damn it I should have married that crazy ass girl because THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME DREAM EVER. I digress. I mean, when I was young I wanted to be Batman and the only thing that really kept me from being Batman is I couldn’t decide which Batman I wanted to be. The Adam West Batman or the Frank Miller “The Dark Knight Returns” Batman. I thought it would be a good idea to be both but I don’t see Adam West breaking the arms of gang leaders nor the grizzled Batman doing the Bat-tusi or having shark repellant in his utility belt. Those dreams kind of just fade away…and for what? I am sure no one wakes up at 10 and says “I want to work in a cubicle and do the minimum with my potential” but at what point are the dreams we had as kids just…dreams? Not goals that seem a little hard to achieve but just ideas the dissolve like so much Alka-Seltzer after a bad night of tequila and Guinness? Maybe a dream…is a goal without the ambition to see it through to fruition? Just some of the things I think about when I wonder how I got where I am and how I lived this long. As a lot of you know…I have kind of lived a life that has been an adventure…that should be lived BY NO ONE. That should be the name of my book.
So another thing before I go because I really need to get some fucking sleep. As many of you know it was a few friends (You know who you are YC and KC. And Griff but part of our deal as friends is that we never admit when we are wrong AND HE CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL THE TIMES HE BEAT ME AT NBA JAM. Fuck yo SNES, nigga) that have slapped some sense into me after my constant dipshittery and walking headlong into shit that was bad I should have seen a mile away. I am forever greatful, but there was a second person that got me through the last two years of ?WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” moments. That person was Christopher Titus.
Now it was tragic comedy when about 80% of his comedy specials I could go “AH HA!” and “I totally should have seen that! Specifically…her right hand” but at the end of the day there was nothing to do but…well, get over it. Oh, and quit being a wussy. No one goes through their childhood unscathed and the wounds you open as a teenager are the scars you must heal as an adult. If you can never heal those wounds, you will never get better and what holds you where you are will ultimately drown you. Whether it is ideals, motivations or people you have to jettison what doesn’t advance you and embrace what does. In other words:
Couldn’t have said it better myself: when shit hits the fan, step out of the way of the fan. The metaphor is so fucking awesome I will just let you sit and marinate on that until next time. I am tired as shit and I am checking out. I will try to be back at some point this week. It’s good to be back, peeps. It’s good to be back.
Chachi Out
I am MESSED UP. No seriously, this shit aint normal. Even though I like “Lost In Your Eyes” a hell of a lot better. So I do have to say that the urge of getting back into blogging again has been really helpful. A friend of mine brought up a great point about sometimes life gets in the way of doing the things you enjoy which are simple and you take for granted until you don’t do them anymore. I must say that this has been one of them. After taking time to read my past blogs…they were scathing as hell. At least I didn’t keep that rage inside and got it out in a forum where people could say “FUCK YOU, FUCKY!” or “I FUCKING AGREE WITH YOU, FUCKY!” which was always a great thing.
Today while I sat in my cubicle wondering what I’m heading for, wishing I could take myself to the sky (LOST IN YOUR EYES, BITCHES! TWO DEBBIE GIBSON REFERENCES IN ONE BLOG EQUALS WIN!) when something hit me. It was something I must have thought about before because it has been in literature for YEARS but from a logical standpoint it is one many adults just chalk up to living in “reality” but honestly…
WHAT HAPPENS TO A DREAM DEFERRED?
Now a lot of people say “I run my own business, that’s my dream!” which is fine but that is not what I mean. When I say a dream deferred, I am talking about when you were 7 or 8 and wanted to be a ninja or a vampire hunting ballerina? Now that sounds made up, but in the 6th grade there was a girl who said she wanted to be that and god damn it I should have married that crazy ass girl because THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME DREAM EVER. I digress. I mean, when I was young I wanted to be Batman and the only thing that really kept me from being Batman is I couldn’t decide which Batman I wanted to be. The Adam West Batman or the Frank Miller “The Dark Knight Returns” Batman. I thought it would be a good idea to be both but I don’t see Adam West breaking the arms of gang leaders nor the grizzled Batman doing the Bat-tusi or having shark repellant in his utility belt. Those dreams kind of just fade away…and for what? I am sure no one wakes up at 10 and says “I want to work in a cubicle and do the minimum with my potential” but at what point are the dreams we had as kids just…dreams? Not goals that seem a little hard to achieve but just ideas the dissolve like so much Alka-Seltzer after a bad night of tequila and Guinness? Maybe a dream…is a goal without the ambition to see it through to fruition? Just some of the things I think about when I wonder how I got where I am and how I lived this long. As a lot of you know…I have kind of lived a life that has been an adventure…that should be lived BY NO ONE. That should be the name of my book.
So another thing before I go because I really need to get some fucking sleep. As many of you know it was a few friends (You know who you are YC and KC. And Griff but part of our deal as friends is that we never admit when we are wrong AND HE CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL THE TIMES HE BEAT ME AT NBA JAM. Fuck yo SNES, nigga) that have slapped some sense into me after my constant dipshittery and walking headlong into shit that was bad I should have seen a mile away. I am forever greatful, but there was a second person that got me through the last two years of ?WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” moments. That person was Christopher Titus.
Now it was tragic comedy when about 80% of his comedy specials I could go “AH HA!” and “I totally should have seen that! Specifically…her right hand” but at the end of the day there was nothing to do but…well, get over it. Oh, and quit being a wussy. No one goes through their childhood unscathed and the wounds you open as a teenager are the scars you must heal as an adult. If you can never heal those wounds, you will never get better and what holds you where you are will ultimately drown you. Whether it is ideals, motivations or people you have to jettison what doesn’t advance you and embrace what does. In other words:
Couldn’t have said it better myself: when shit hits the fan, step out of the way of the fan. The metaphor is so fucking awesome I will just let you sit and marinate on that until next time. I am tired as shit and I am checking out. I will try to be back at some point this week. It’s good to be back, peeps. It’s good to be back.
Chachi Out
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving: The Day That Scott Pilgrim Saved America From The Cleveland Indians. I Don't Think That's What Happened...
So….we meet again. HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! So it has been about two months since I blogged and once again I have to apologize for the absence. It does make the heart grow fonder, much like how much I have missed my sanity and self-respect over the last 18 months or so. Those who know me best understand and for those of you reading this that DON’T know what I mean by that it’s quite alright. No need to rehash the bullshit. So in the famous words of Eric Bischoff, I’M BACK. Queue my theme music, Mr. Sound Man:
Yep, the master is back to dominate. With that being said, it is time to break my foot off in the ass of the blogosphere.
Fuck The World If They Can’t Adjust
So one thing I have learned in the later years of my life is that not everyone is going to like you. As a matter of fact, the majority of people should be too busy on their own lives to be concerned about what you do. Yet, it seems that everyplace I go, there seem to be haters. As B.o.b would say, there are haters everywhere we go. Now there is something to be said for people who honestly find a character flaw in your attitude or beliefs that are actually being a detriment to you and those people should not be seen as haters, but as people trying to help you…as long as their help is genuine. You can tell these people by what they want the end result to be and if they offer advice to fix the issue. If all they do is point out something that they think isn’t good about you or they flat out just talk that shit…congratulations! You have a hater! Relish in that fact; haters are like Chaos Emeralds in Sonic the Hedgehog. Get six and jump in the air and you become SUPER SONIC:
He IS the fastest thing alive and all. So if you have haters, the LAST thing you want to do is let these fuckwits stop you from being you. You know why? YOU ARE THE SHIT, THAT’S WHY! Unless what you do is hurting your ability to progress, fuck them haters in their hatin ass faces. I have some people out there that really need to hear this (And I needed to hear it earlier this year, thanks to the homies for that one) and if you don’t hear it from others, you are hearing from the Deuce:
You are the shit and fuck the world if they can’t adjust.
People hate on you because they want to BE YOU BUT CAN’T. They try to make you feel like they feel which is miserable because they don’t have the ability to carry themselves the way you carry yourself. They talk shit about you because they know that is the only way they can touch you and stop your shine. You know what, though? They can’t be you and you don’t want to be them so let them haters hate because that’s all they know how to do. Cheaters cheat, losers lose, bitches bitch and haters hate. If you are dating a hater that makes you feel like shit because you are being you, drop that dead weight and let it sink like the rap career of Kevin Federline. You have a friend that is always talking that shit when you try to do it bigger and better? Kick that sumbitch to the curb like Edward Norton in American History X. What am I trying to tell you? Katt, drop the knowledge on these people WILL YOU?:
In closing, I end this segment with one of my new phrases for 2011:
Those that can’t participate, hate.
Yeah, I am kind of in the mood right now. So there is something else I need to touch on real quick before I head out.
Self-Destruction Should Be Just That: SELF-DESTRUCTION
I have learned in my many years on this big blue orb we call Earth and living this crazy journey we call life that you can’t help those that don’t want to be helped. Save those that don’t want to be saved. It gets to the point that the monster you chase and seek to destroy is the monster that you become. Deep shit from a simple man, I admit. With that being said, when you go down the rabbit-hole to save someone, you cannot go so deep that you cannot get out yourself. I have said in many blogs that friendship is circular, give and take if you will. Just like any relationship if you give more than you get or vice versa then you are taking advantage of the relationship. Ask yourself when someone seems to be taking you down a road that you feel that you shouldn’t have to travel: if you needed their guidance down that road would they walk with you? I can honestly say that of my friends that I have been down with since jump street (You know who you are) that they would go down that road with me, have gone down that road with me and we both learned that either the gasoline wasn’t worth it (WALK AWAY ROAD WARRIOR!) or that the magic sword at the end of the graveyard was worth it because it’s dangerous out there and you’ll need it. You should totally take it.
Always remember, peeps. Help is not only as good as the person giving it, it is only as effective as the person accepting it. There comes a point that no matter how good of a friend they are that you have to walk them down that road and you will have to come to a stop for their benefit. Then tell them:
“The rest of this voyage you have to do on your own. I will watch you from here, but to go with you will not benefit you. I will be here for you when you find the answer. If you can’t find the answer alone, THEN I will walk with you.”
That right there to me is true friendship: knowing when to lead, when to follow and when to walk side-by-side with those you care about. What do I know; I’m just a man with a dream and a love of Korean pop. My mom thinks I’m a catch!
So that is all for now. It is good to be back and I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. If you are with your family and loved ones this year, please cherish the time with them. If I have learned nothing in 2010, it is that friendships based off of convenience come and go but true friendship is something that is based on giving. You take what you must and give all you can. Damn, I got to stop getting all emo and mushing during the holidays. I will be back to insulting Blacks and women in my next blog, I promise! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!
Oh, and I will likely do a 2010 People’s Choice blog again like I have done every year so if you want me to rant on something leave a comment or something like that. I’ll get to it. Again, have a Happy Thanksgiving, peeps!
Hell yeah, bird is the word!
Chachi Out
(DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY THAT AGAIN!)
Yep, the master is back to dominate. With that being said, it is time to break my foot off in the ass of the blogosphere.
Fuck The World If They Can’t Adjust
So one thing I have learned in the later years of my life is that not everyone is going to like you. As a matter of fact, the majority of people should be too busy on their own lives to be concerned about what you do. Yet, it seems that everyplace I go, there seem to be haters. As B.o.b would say, there are haters everywhere we go. Now there is something to be said for people who honestly find a character flaw in your attitude or beliefs that are actually being a detriment to you and those people should not be seen as haters, but as people trying to help you…as long as their help is genuine. You can tell these people by what they want the end result to be and if they offer advice to fix the issue. If all they do is point out something that they think isn’t good about you or they flat out just talk that shit…congratulations! You have a hater! Relish in that fact; haters are like Chaos Emeralds in Sonic the Hedgehog. Get six and jump in the air and you become SUPER SONIC:
He IS the fastest thing alive and all. So if you have haters, the LAST thing you want to do is let these fuckwits stop you from being you. You know why? YOU ARE THE SHIT, THAT’S WHY! Unless what you do is hurting your ability to progress, fuck them haters in their hatin ass faces. I have some people out there that really need to hear this (And I needed to hear it earlier this year, thanks to the homies for that one) and if you don’t hear it from others, you are hearing from the Deuce:
You are the shit and fuck the world if they can’t adjust.
People hate on you because they want to BE YOU BUT CAN’T. They try to make you feel like they feel which is miserable because they don’t have the ability to carry themselves the way you carry yourself. They talk shit about you because they know that is the only way they can touch you and stop your shine. You know what, though? They can’t be you and you don’t want to be them so let them haters hate because that’s all they know how to do. Cheaters cheat, losers lose, bitches bitch and haters hate. If you are dating a hater that makes you feel like shit because you are being you, drop that dead weight and let it sink like the rap career of Kevin Federline. You have a friend that is always talking that shit when you try to do it bigger and better? Kick that sumbitch to the curb like Edward Norton in American History X. What am I trying to tell you? Katt, drop the knowledge on these people WILL YOU?:
In closing, I end this segment with one of my new phrases for 2011:
Those that can’t participate, hate.
Yeah, I am kind of in the mood right now. So there is something else I need to touch on real quick before I head out.
Self-Destruction Should Be Just That: SELF-DESTRUCTION
I have learned in my many years on this big blue orb we call Earth and living this crazy journey we call life that you can’t help those that don’t want to be helped. Save those that don’t want to be saved. It gets to the point that the monster you chase and seek to destroy is the monster that you become. Deep shit from a simple man, I admit. With that being said, when you go down the rabbit-hole to save someone, you cannot go so deep that you cannot get out yourself. I have said in many blogs that friendship is circular, give and take if you will. Just like any relationship if you give more than you get or vice versa then you are taking advantage of the relationship. Ask yourself when someone seems to be taking you down a road that you feel that you shouldn’t have to travel: if you needed their guidance down that road would they walk with you? I can honestly say that of my friends that I have been down with since jump street (You know who you are) that they would go down that road with me, have gone down that road with me and we both learned that either the gasoline wasn’t worth it (WALK AWAY ROAD WARRIOR!) or that the magic sword at the end of the graveyard was worth it because it’s dangerous out there and you’ll need it. You should totally take it.
Always remember, peeps. Help is not only as good as the person giving it, it is only as effective as the person accepting it. There comes a point that no matter how good of a friend they are that you have to walk them down that road and you will have to come to a stop for their benefit. Then tell them:
“The rest of this voyage you have to do on your own. I will watch you from here, but to go with you will not benefit you. I will be here for you when you find the answer. If you can’t find the answer alone, THEN I will walk with you.”
That right there to me is true friendship: knowing when to lead, when to follow and when to walk side-by-side with those you care about. What do I know; I’m just a man with a dream and a love of Korean pop. My mom thinks I’m a catch!
So that is all for now. It is good to be back and I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. If you are with your family and loved ones this year, please cherish the time with them. If I have learned nothing in 2010, it is that friendships based off of convenience come and go but true friendship is something that is based on giving. You take what you must and give all you can. Damn, I got to stop getting all emo and mushing during the holidays. I will be back to insulting Blacks and women in my next blog, I promise! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!
Oh, and I will likely do a 2010 People’s Choice blog again like I have done every year so if you want me to rant on something leave a comment or something like that. I’ll get to it. Again, have a Happy Thanksgiving, peeps!
Hell yeah, bird is the word!
Chachi Out
(DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY THAT AGAIN!)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Older You Get, The More You Forget....Stuff....MESSAGE!!!
What's up, peeps? This weekend is over and I must say it was exactly what I expected: enlighting. I realized that you dont have to do anything you dont want to but at the same time, growth is about doing something you may not really WANT to do. It's life a human is doing, not being. DEEP SHIT, FOOL! Bite me, I can have one deep thought every now and then. Oh, and I will have the NDK pictures up by Friday. If anyone can help me out with what happened Saturday after about 8:45 PM that would be great because I look at these pictures and...I don't remember....ANY of this.
Also, I realized that in the words of T.I. I have lived a hell of a life. Sure, I hit that Combo Breaker that one time in Killer Instinct 2 but as bad ass as that was, I have lived so much more that I didnt know I had done. My peeps know what I mean, but I wont go into detail. Long story short, I will be 30 this Friday and I have realized a lot. Mostly...why am I bitching?! I have had some kickass shit happen to me. Some good, some bad but all of it part of growing. Except for the day with the midget fight and the one armed man. That day was just fucking weird.
I guess I am saying it is time to do what makes you happy. It hit me the other day when I was talking to a total stranger at the karaoke bar when people were talking about resolutions and he flat out said that he won't do them because quite simply:
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
Think about it. With perfection being a flawed concept at it's core, why do people strive for it? How can you constantly work for your "happiness" when you have no idea who you are? If you dont know who you are or even what you want that will create the perfect you...how can you even be happy? How can you even TRY to be a perfect Christian if you have no idea the basic groundworkings of the words? How can you be the perfect husband or wife to your spouse or parent to your children if not only were YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT PERFECT BUT YOU ARENT EVEN A GOOD ENOUGH YOU TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE?!?! IS THIS SINKING IN?!
Yeah, I had a good old fashioned gut check a few days ago. You see, I always knew that reaching for perfection should never be the goal but attempting to complete what makes you happy before attempting anything else. But man, I put that shit to the side for the logical aspect of paying bills and going to work like a good little cog. It got me to where I am at now which is a lot better off then I thought I would be after some of the dumb shit I have done but even still, I am no vampire hunting rock star ninja pirate. Which is what I really want to be but I know that will never happen because ninjas hate rock. It's a conundrum.
I want to close this with a weird ass story. So it was last year after I had an interview for a company that will remain nameless that flew me out for a round of interviews. If you know me, it's the one where they didn't know that my Anglo sounding name belonged to a Negro and long shoty short when I got home I already had an email saying I didnt get the job from one side and a heart-felt apology from the hiring manager about what we were under the assuption was a pure lock. Long story short, after I found that out I went to a rousing game of "Three Man" at Copper's when I decided that whiskey, soju, PBR and then some sake and Kirin at Ichiban's with Zach was a good idea. Which it was, until I went home a laid down after the debacle. When I went to bed, Tupac:Resurrection was on (Which is one of my favorite movies of all time because the words of Tupac Shakur are the epitome of duality which in my opinion is the foundation of the human being) and as I watched it I drank some more soju (Yes, back then I had a stash) and finally just passed out. Then I had a dream where I was sitting on the deck out back looking out and nothing was there. Nothing. And I was just staring, in the same suit I had my interview in. At that point I just sat there when Tupac walked next to me. Yes, THAT Tupac. Then, one of the most vivid and downright ODD dialogs I ever had in a dream occured:
Tupac: What are you looking at?
Me: Nothing. Nothing is there.
Tupac: Only you can change that, you know.
(Awkward silence. I look back and the backyard and all the other stuff is there. I turn around and he is gone)
Me: Oooooooookkaay. I think I am dreaming.
Tupac's Voice: Life is hard. You will keep getting knocked down. You know why?
Me: ....uh....because I am a dumbass?
(Awkard silence)
Tupac's Voice: No....because getting knocked down shows you are a trying. If you never try, you never get knocked down because you never fight.
Me: That's deep, nigga.
Tupac's Voice: Shut up. Remember that. It aint about getting knocked down. It aint even about getting back up. It is about what you do when you get up. Because just getting up is part of your instinct...learning is how you grow.
Me: .....Damn, nigga. THAT'S DEEP.
Tupac's Voice: NIGGA SHUT UP! You are dreaming right now. Don't forget what I told you. No body ever learns by giving up.
(At this point, Talib Kweli's "The Blast" begins to play)
Me: Wow....thanks...
Tupac's Voice: Now turn that fucking TV off, nigga.......
I then wake up....and Talib Kweli's "The Blast" is playing on VH1 Soul rather fucking loudly. I am sitting up (Still in my interview clothes, mind you) in front of my computer and guess what is in Windows Media Player? Tupac:Resurrection. So as I was typing this, I got sick of ESPN (No one cares about the greatest game ever played, assholes. I will ruin the ending for you: Giants in overtime...jackass) so I turned the channel to VH1 Soul. Guess what was on? Tupac: Resurrection. Yeah, cosmic like a motherfucker. Oh, and guess what I am about to play? Some Talib Kweli:
Sometimes, life isnt priceless and it isnt a game. Sometimes...life is just life. Quite simply, that is all life can be. All you can do is live and learn as you do it. MESSAGE!!!!!!
Chachi Out.
Also, I realized that in the words of T.I. I have lived a hell of a life. Sure, I hit that Combo Breaker that one time in Killer Instinct 2 but as bad ass as that was, I have lived so much more that I didnt know I had done. My peeps know what I mean, but I wont go into detail. Long story short, I will be 30 this Friday and I have realized a lot. Mostly...why am I bitching?! I have had some kickass shit happen to me. Some good, some bad but all of it part of growing. Except for the day with the midget fight and the one armed man. That day was just fucking weird.
I guess I am saying it is time to do what makes you happy. It hit me the other day when I was talking to a total stranger at the karaoke bar when people were talking about resolutions and he flat out said that he won't do them because quite simply:
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
Think about it. With perfection being a flawed concept at it's core, why do people strive for it? How can you constantly work for your "happiness" when you have no idea who you are? If you dont know who you are or even what you want that will create the perfect you...how can you even be happy? How can you even TRY to be a perfect Christian if you have no idea the basic groundworkings of the words? How can you be the perfect husband or wife to your spouse or parent to your children if not only were YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT PERFECT BUT YOU ARENT EVEN A GOOD ENOUGH YOU TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE?!?! IS THIS SINKING IN?!
Yeah, I had a good old fashioned gut check a few days ago. You see, I always knew that reaching for perfection should never be the goal but attempting to complete what makes you happy before attempting anything else. But man, I put that shit to the side for the logical aspect of paying bills and going to work like a good little cog. It got me to where I am at now which is a lot better off then I thought I would be after some of the dumb shit I have done but even still, I am no vampire hunting rock star ninja pirate. Which is what I really want to be but I know that will never happen because ninjas hate rock. It's a conundrum.
I want to close this with a weird ass story. So it was last year after I had an interview for a company that will remain nameless that flew me out for a round of interviews. If you know me, it's the one where they didn't know that my Anglo sounding name belonged to a Negro and long shoty short when I got home I already had an email saying I didnt get the job from one side and a heart-felt apology from the hiring manager about what we were under the assuption was a pure lock. Long story short, after I found that out I went to a rousing game of "Three Man" at Copper's when I decided that whiskey, soju, PBR and then some sake and Kirin at Ichiban's with Zach was a good idea. Which it was, until I went home a laid down after the debacle. When I went to bed, Tupac:Resurrection was on (Which is one of my favorite movies of all time because the words of Tupac Shakur are the epitome of duality which in my opinion is the foundation of the human being) and as I watched it I drank some more soju (Yes, back then I had a stash) and finally just passed out. Then I had a dream where I was sitting on the deck out back looking out and nothing was there. Nothing. And I was just staring, in the same suit I had my interview in. At that point I just sat there when Tupac walked next to me. Yes, THAT Tupac. Then, one of the most vivid and downright ODD dialogs I ever had in a dream occured:
Tupac: What are you looking at?
Me: Nothing. Nothing is there.
Tupac: Only you can change that, you know.
(Awkward silence. I look back and the backyard and all the other stuff is there. I turn around and he is gone)
Me: Oooooooookkaay. I think I am dreaming.
Tupac's Voice: Life is hard. You will keep getting knocked down. You know why?
Me: ....uh....because I am a dumbass?
(Awkard silence)
Tupac's Voice: No....because getting knocked down shows you are a trying. If you never try, you never get knocked down because you never fight.
Me: That's deep, nigga.
Tupac's Voice: Shut up. Remember that. It aint about getting knocked down. It aint even about getting back up. It is about what you do when you get up. Because just getting up is part of your instinct...learning is how you grow.
Me: .....Damn, nigga. THAT'S DEEP.
Tupac's Voice: NIGGA SHUT UP! You are dreaming right now. Don't forget what I told you. No body ever learns by giving up.
(At this point, Talib Kweli's "The Blast" begins to play)
Me: Wow....thanks...
Tupac's Voice: Now turn that fucking TV off, nigga.......
I then wake up....and Talib Kweli's "The Blast" is playing on VH1 Soul rather fucking loudly. I am sitting up (Still in my interview clothes, mind you) in front of my computer and guess what is in Windows Media Player? Tupac:Resurrection. So as I was typing this, I got sick of ESPN (No one cares about the greatest game ever played, assholes. I will ruin the ending for you: Giants in overtime...jackass) so I turned the channel to VH1 Soul. Guess what was on? Tupac: Resurrection. Yeah, cosmic like a motherfucker. Oh, and guess what I am about to play? Some Talib Kweli:
Sometimes, life isnt priceless and it isnt a game. Sometimes...life is just life. Quite simply, that is all life can be. All you can do is live and learn as you do it. MESSAGE!!!!!!
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Chachi's Court Is Now In Session...Again.
I am back on the scene! What is up, peeps? So I want to talk about something. Now this is a repost from 2008 that has been touched up for pop culture and pertinance (I can't spell, you know that) and it is one of my favorite rants. Mostly because at the time it rang very true for a specific situation (Real life imitating art...who knew?!) and I am hella irritated and wanted to vent. So it is time for a little bit of lawgiving. So here is the first ever installment of…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Lays Down The Law!
This Weeks’ Crime: Infidelity!
Okay, I can say that aside from the Mormons, almost every true friend I have (You know who you are) has been cheated on by a significant other, yours truly included (Multiple times….same person….I’m a dumbass, I know) in some way, shape or form. Now first off let me say that if you are dating or are married to someone and you “cheat” by having sex with someone else then you are quite doing it wrong. I’m sorry you are and here is why:
1. Cowardice: Seriously, if you cannot tackle a problem head on which is causing this need for you to consider infidelity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first fucking place. I mean COME THE FUCK ON and grow up. If you can’t talk to the other person then you probably shouldn’t have been married or started dating in the first place.
2. Selfishness: Now when I say this I mean it in this way: if the other person did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? Odds are (This is a generalization but it rings VERY TRUE) that you would be hurt to no end. And yet…you have the audacity to do it to the other party. Congratulations, you are a selfish shit. If you are selfish in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one; get yourself a fucking hamster or something.
3. Illogical: Now I use this word because I don’t really believe in the word “immoral” because that would invoke religion and I think that now religion has no relevance in relationships because if you have more than one you are already being immoral so the point is moot. However, look at infidelity logically. What would one hope to accomplish with infidelity? One night of passion with a person that isn’t your other? Well, that is fine but is it a logical means to an end? One night (Or several) of sex is worth destroying a relationship? If so then odds are you shouldn’t have been with that person anyway. Even if the other person is a fit, break up with the current person first. It’s just common-fucking-sense.
So there are many more reasons someone would be a dipshit for cheating but there is another party and usually a just as guilty if not GUILTIER party and that is the person that is being cheated on. Now I said last night in jest that you never blame the victim but at the end of the day you have to figure out what made you the victim and how you can avoid being one again. We have all been there whether major or minor and your goal after being victimized should be how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. Now I for one have ran into this problem more times than I am comfortable saying (I am batting over .500 with bitches) but when you are the victim of a cheater you have to gauge the situation for yourself; fuck the other party. No matter how much they cry or apologize to you (Sigh, sweet situation narrative truth) you have to remember that why this happened could be your fault so you have to fix YOURSELF before you can accept an apology from the other party. Now here is what kills me the most: people that stay with the person that cheated on them and they do it again. Okay, it is time to get real here.
This is coming from someone who was laid off or outsourced from the same company THREE FUCKING TIMES. Aside from the first time (Which I was informed about prior to being let go but it still hurts when you are pretty much fresh out of college and it is your first real job) every time something like that happened I knew it was coming and I was okay with it because I tried to move out of said situation but roadblocks were in my way. That’s life, though. Now let’s bring this back. If you take back someone that cheated on you, at that point you are never….EVER allowed to be hurt or bitch if they do it to you again. You can never mention it in arguments and you can never say “Oh, I’m over it” when you know damn well you are not. Quit being a candyass and man the fuck up. If Kane can team with the Undertaker after being SET ON FIRE and win tag team championships then you can get over being cheated on. If you cannot, that is fine. Been there and I just had to say the nay no to getting back together. However, the one instance I DID stay I never brought it up again. Not during arguments, not when she was gone past when she said she would be and never when I was drunk (Ground zero! GROUND ZERO!).
That is something you have to accept: if you forgive the person you also have to forgive the act. Say what you will but one party cheats and you stay together, having that always in the back of one’s mind is not healthy. People make mistakes. Interceptions are thrown, line drives are misfielded, three point shooters are left open on botched rotations and occasionally, a defenseman scores on their own goalie. You have to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You can’t bring that shit up next season when you feel like they aren’t hustling or they blow an assignment. On a team you have to rely heavily on trust and in a relationship if you don’t have trust then all you have is two people that may happen to like to have sex with each other every now and then. Guess what? You are no better than drunk cats.
At the end of the day, the reason I posted this is because I am through fucking around with people. I have had just about enough of everyone complaining about how they are hurt because of what people did to them. Or better yet, complain about being hurt or feeling mistreated WHILE STILL WITH THE PERSON. In some cases, the person that was cheated on is more at fault for how the situation is handled than the person that cheated. If someone hurts you and you don’t leave then you have no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that person shouldn’t have cheated to begin with but I (Now, anyway) feel about cheating the same way I feel about physical abuse (if it happens once….there really SHOULDN’T BE A SECOND TIME! Now a quick note. I know that the…two or three people that read this may ask why I never lump mental and emotional abuse with physical abuse. Well, mental and emotional abuse are different by person as I can attest to. “You don’t validate my need to dress like a whore and feel normal about it! YOU’RE NOT SUPPORTIVE!” Well, that isn’t what she SAID but that’s how it SOUNDED to me. Quite simply, you never know how people will take it because one person’s joke is another person’s route to feeling de-validated…which she also said I did when I told her that she didn’t need my permission to do things which to HER meant I didn’t care. Abuse of the head is in the receiver and can be interpreted several ways as what I thought was giving freedom to the other party was indifference. Physical abuse is tangible. An uppercut to the gut….is an uppercut to the gut. No matter how you arrange or word the semantics, getting your ass whooped on is getting your ass whooped on…unless you deserve it. There is ALWAYS a reason to kick anyone’s ass; you just never hit a woman. That’s one to grow on.
Okay….new rule. Hitting women is okay if they deserve it AND you have Mentos. Can’t kick no ass without fresh breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo…..and THAT is why I am single, ladies.
So to lay down the law….
If you cheat, you are a douche. If you stay with a cheater, you are a fucktard. If someone can’t understand the concept of “one person” then they should leave that person and THEN sex up other people. It’s not a difficult process, but human beings are lazy. And with that, it is bedtime. It’s back to the grindstone and I will try to be back up next week sometime. Until then, stay up peeps. And listen to Jermaine Stewart:
This doesn’t count if you are a certain lady out there. You can take your clothes off. And drink that cherry wine….uh-huh. My innuendo is priceless.
IN-YOUR-ENDO!
Whooo...crap I need to do some work.
Chachi Out.
Master Chief Captain Chachi Lays Down The Law!
This Weeks’ Crime: Infidelity!
Okay, I can say that aside from the Mormons, almost every true friend I have (You know who you are) has been cheated on by a significant other, yours truly included (Multiple times….same person….I’m a dumbass, I know) in some way, shape or form. Now first off let me say that if you are dating or are married to someone and you “cheat” by having sex with someone else then you are quite doing it wrong. I’m sorry you are and here is why:
1. Cowardice: Seriously, if you cannot tackle a problem head on which is causing this need for you to consider infidelity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first fucking place. I mean COME THE FUCK ON and grow up. If you can’t talk to the other person then you probably shouldn’t have been married or started dating in the first place.
2. Selfishness: Now when I say this I mean it in this way: if the other person did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? Odds are (This is a generalization but it rings VERY TRUE) that you would be hurt to no end. And yet…you have the audacity to do it to the other party. Congratulations, you are a selfish shit. If you are selfish in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one; get yourself a fucking hamster or something.
3. Illogical: Now I use this word because I don’t really believe in the word “immoral” because that would invoke religion and I think that now religion has no relevance in relationships because if you have more than one you are already being immoral so the point is moot. However, look at infidelity logically. What would one hope to accomplish with infidelity? One night of passion with a person that isn’t your other? Well, that is fine but is it a logical means to an end? One night (Or several) of sex is worth destroying a relationship? If so then odds are you shouldn’t have been with that person anyway. Even if the other person is a fit, break up with the current person first. It’s just common-fucking-sense.
So there are many more reasons someone would be a dipshit for cheating but there is another party and usually a just as guilty if not GUILTIER party and that is the person that is being cheated on. Now I said last night in jest that you never blame the victim but at the end of the day you have to figure out what made you the victim and how you can avoid being one again. We have all been there whether major or minor and your goal after being victimized should be how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. Now I for one have ran into this problem more times than I am comfortable saying (I am batting over .500 with bitches) but when you are the victim of a cheater you have to gauge the situation for yourself; fuck the other party. No matter how much they cry or apologize to you (Sigh, sweet situation narrative truth) you have to remember that why this happened could be your fault so you have to fix YOURSELF before you can accept an apology from the other party. Now here is what kills me the most: people that stay with the person that cheated on them and they do it again. Okay, it is time to get real here.
This is coming from someone who was laid off or outsourced from the same company THREE FUCKING TIMES. Aside from the first time (Which I was informed about prior to being let go but it still hurts when you are pretty much fresh out of college and it is your first real job) every time something like that happened I knew it was coming and I was okay with it because I tried to move out of said situation but roadblocks were in my way. That’s life, though. Now let’s bring this back. If you take back someone that cheated on you, at that point you are never….EVER allowed to be hurt or bitch if they do it to you again. You can never mention it in arguments and you can never say “Oh, I’m over it” when you know damn well you are not. Quit being a candyass and man the fuck up. If Kane can team with the Undertaker after being SET ON FIRE and win tag team championships then you can get over being cheated on. If you cannot, that is fine. Been there and I just had to say the nay no to getting back together. However, the one instance I DID stay I never brought it up again. Not during arguments, not when she was gone past when she said she would be and never when I was drunk (Ground zero! GROUND ZERO!).
That is something you have to accept: if you forgive the person you also have to forgive the act. Say what you will but one party cheats and you stay together, having that always in the back of one’s mind is not healthy. People make mistakes. Interceptions are thrown, line drives are misfielded, three point shooters are left open on botched rotations and occasionally, a defenseman scores on their own goalie. You have to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You can’t bring that shit up next season when you feel like they aren’t hustling or they blow an assignment. On a team you have to rely heavily on trust and in a relationship if you don’t have trust then all you have is two people that may happen to like to have sex with each other every now and then. Guess what? You are no better than drunk cats.
At the end of the day, the reason I posted this is because I am through fucking around with people. I have had just about enough of everyone complaining about how they are hurt because of what people did to them. Or better yet, complain about being hurt or feeling mistreated WHILE STILL WITH THE PERSON. In some cases, the person that was cheated on is more at fault for how the situation is handled than the person that cheated. If someone hurts you and you don’t leave then you have no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that person shouldn’t have cheated to begin with but I (Now, anyway) feel about cheating the same way I feel about physical abuse (if it happens once….there really SHOULDN’T BE A SECOND TIME! Now a quick note. I know that the…two or three people that read this may ask why I never lump mental and emotional abuse with physical abuse. Well, mental and emotional abuse are different by person as I can attest to. “You don’t validate my need to dress like a whore and feel normal about it! YOU’RE NOT SUPPORTIVE!” Well, that isn’t what she SAID but that’s how it SOUNDED to me. Quite simply, you never know how people will take it because one person’s joke is another person’s route to feeling de-validated…which she also said I did when I told her that she didn’t need my permission to do things which to HER meant I didn’t care. Abuse of the head is in the receiver and can be interpreted several ways as what I thought was giving freedom to the other party was indifference. Physical abuse is tangible. An uppercut to the gut….is an uppercut to the gut. No matter how you arrange or word the semantics, getting your ass whooped on is getting your ass whooped on…unless you deserve it. There is ALWAYS a reason to kick anyone’s ass; you just never hit a woman. That’s one to grow on.
Okay….new rule. Hitting women is okay if they deserve it AND you have Mentos. Can’t kick no ass without fresh breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo…..and THAT is why I am single, ladies.
So to lay down the law….
If you cheat, you are a douche. If you stay with a cheater, you are a fucktard. If someone can’t understand the concept of “one person” then they should leave that person and THEN sex up other people. It’s not a difficult process, but human beings are lazy. And with that, it is bedtime. It’s back to the grindstone and I will try to be back up next week sometime. Until then, stay up peeps. And listen to Jermaine Stewart:
This doesn’t count if you are a certain lady out there. You can take your clothes off. And drink that cherry wine….uh-huh. My innuendo is priceless.
IN-YOUR-ENDO!
Whooo...crap I need to do some work.
Chachi Out.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Labor Day: Not A Holiday Saluting Pregnant Women. Glad That Got Cleared Up!
What’s up, my peeps?! First off, Happy Labor Day! There, I said it now someone get me some applesauce. So it has been a few weeks but I am back on the scene and I must say that I have missed all of you. Even you, Billy in Portland. Yes, I forgive you for all the hate mail about Justin Beiber. He made a song with Kanye and Raekwon so he cant be THAT bad.
So with NDK coming up (Yaaaaay. News at 11, I am not as excited as I once was for it. Sue me) and my 30th birthday the week after that (I EXPECT PRESENTS AND ALCOHOL, MOTHERFUCKERS!) I have to say that September is my favorite month of the year. This month has started off with an awesome bang, seeing as it was a party every night this month so far and as my idol Diddy once said…:
Man, those were the days. Anyway, most of you know that this year has been full of the awesomeness of talking owls and flame-thrower wielding kittens with a HEAPING FUCKING SPOONFUIL OF DIPSHITTERY AND ASSHATEDNESS. A lot of it by me most of it inflicted by the actions of others but in the end you need to do what is best for you and your star player:
Which I did and that is life. Fuck the world if they can’t adjust. So with that being said, I learned something today…
1. Gays Can Party: There are two things gays do well. They have sex with the same sex…and FUCKING PARTY. Not enough shirts, though. I mean if niggas in wifebeaters aint club attire you best believe that going shirtless is a fashion nightmare for your ass. Cover it up, thaaaaanks.
2. Tequila = NO: Yeah, I only have it once in a while but when I do you best believe shit hits the fan. I really need to stick to stuff from mother Russia. If it’s clear, have no fear!
3. Life Is Simple: Just fucking live it. The more people sit back and complain about how bad their life is or how bad they are being treated the more difficult it is. Just do what you do and do it well and if it aint working then try something else. Oh, and shut the fuck up about your pain, no one gives a shit. We got our own baggage, so check your shit at the gate.
These are some of many things I have learned over the last few months but one thing has to be said. By the way, if you think this is directed at you…then it is. If you don’t then just listen and learn from this statement:
If People Spent Half The Energy They Use Complaining About Their Life And Trying To Please Others On Fixing Their Own Lives And Making Themselves Better, The World Would Be A Better Place And These People Would Be A Lot Happier.
If it applies to you, think about it. If it doesn’t apply to you then embrace the change. That is all I have to say about that. Lastly…
Sometimes, it is better to channel the energy of pain into growth because since energy cannot be created nor destroyed, you may as well channel it toward bettering yourself and building you into the best you that you can be.
With that being said, its time to kick it a little old school! Here is a blog from June 14th, 2007…
What is up peeps! First off, for my Blogger peeps this is my 350th post! I want to thank you all for coming (189 new visitors this month and counting! It’s only the 14th!) and I hope you enjoy what you have read! Odds are…not so much. Welcome to the party, n00bs!
Well, it is Thursday and you know what that means! Cue up Loverboy for tomorrow because it is almost the weekend! Tomorrow is the Countdown and today I just have a real quick post because I have been getting a lot of questions from people of other races because…well usually I am their only Black friend most of the find. Being as that I am a good resource as a “Born Again Negro” (GOD DAMN THAT IS FUNNY!) I am mostly just sick of your fucking questions and misconceptions. So today it is time. Time to bust a rhyme? Nah, son it is time for…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus II: Black Man’s Burden Edition!
Today I will address the questions I have been asked over the last 12 months or so by other races because you are fuckers and I am sick of your ignorance. This coming from the guy that wants Turkey blown off the map. It’s Constantinople, GET IT RIGHT YOU SWARTHY BASTARDS! First off is a question that has been asked since that fateful day his car chase interrupted the Season Finale of Family Matters (OH, I was so pissed!)….
Question #1: Do Blacks Really Believe OJ Simpson Didn’t Kill Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman
Well…yes and no. You see, there is one word to describe Black people that they will damn near never admit: spiteful. At almost all junctures in time, Black people will take any opportunity to stick it to someone else, especially Whites. It’s why we support Barry Bonds (I don’t really give a fuck, I’m all about Andruw Jones), Kobe Bryant (Proof that anal sex with White women should only be done in movies by Lexington Steel) and R. Kelly (Who actually committed Black on Black urination but a “victory” for Blacks is a “victory” for Blacks even if it is Pyrrhic) so much.
The simple fact is that it is hard to kill two people with one knife. Hell, I couldn’t kill ONE ninja with TWO swords in Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box, so how can one aging Black athlete kill two White people with one shank? It is a rather far fetched thing to grasp because if I ever see somebody getting stabbed I am OUT. Just based on that fact alone, there is enough of a doubt for Blacks to say “Oh, he aint do that shit!” and that quite simply is all they need.
Okay, the real question isn’t if they think he killed them. Few Blacks will say yes because…well they have to keep the lie going. Now I cannot speak for anyone else for this but at the All Black Hands meetings (once a month or so at sometime in August or September. It’s like a party, it starts when people start rolling in) it is kind of accepted that we don’t ever say he did it. We all know he did though, but as long as it pisses off White people they will deny it. So Whites, stop getting upset and I guarantee OJ will say “Yeah I did it! I cried two tears in a bucket, fuck it! Let’s take it to the stage!”
Answer: Of course OJ is innocent! (God, I must be the only Black person that thinks he DID do it. But I aint going to rock the boat)
Next is a question that I thoughally despise because once again, I am one of the few Black people going against the grain on this…
Question #2: Do All Blacks Really Love Watermelon?
Mother fuck. I hate this shit. First off, I will only have watermelon if there is no other fruit available. What?! A Black person that doesn’t like watermelon? Shenanigans! I have this conversation with Griff all the time because whenever I go someplace and I am offered watermelon I kindly say no. Black people look at me like I just raped their dog while Whites look at me like “No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY!” Okay, I am going to level with you. Black people really do love watermelon, despite the racist stigma attached to it. Yes, they gobble it up the same way White people eat cantelope (I’ve seen you, White people!) and spit out the seeds rapid fire like in those offensive ass Warner Brothers cartoons. God, it even makes their lips shine and they make that retarded ass smile like sambo statues back in the 1920’s (Or 2005 in the South. Fuck the South). It is fucking disgusting. Even still…they love it. Yes, just like your encyclopedia says. Without fail, ask a Black person if they want some watermelon and after they kick your ass for being a racist prick (Which I didn’t, funny story if you want to hear it but I couldn’t kick her ass because she was different like that) they will say “Yes, that would be quite a tasty treat.”
Answer: Sadly yes. Chalk one up for Whitey.
Question #3: Do All Black People Love Fried Chicken?
Yes. Simple answer. Yes, that stuff is DELICIOUS! Hell, all people love fried chicken! It is the tastiest off all the fried poultry! I hate how every neighborhood with a Black majority population has a Popeyes (And a gun store, liquor store, check cashing location and a Korean market. No shit, it is infuriating) but hey it’s good eating! White people eat fried chicken, too! They just don’t glorify it as much because you all are faking the funk. Or faking the fowl. So yes, your assumptions are right. Although I will say that it’s not just fried chicken. Barbequed, baked, broiled, sautéed, braised, rotisserie it doesn’t matter. Chicken is the flavor of life, fuck a Lifesaver candy!
Answer: Fuck yeah. Fried chicken is good and good for you!
Question #4: Juice vs. Drink. What is the deal?
Okay, you heard Dave Chappelle mention it and Griff, Carl and I used to talk about this all the time when we had real jobs and got to partake in this mythical ‘juice’ the wealthy had been enjoying for so long. I tell you what, as good as juice may be, nothing cools you down on a hot ass summer day than a tall glass of icy cold grape drink. Juice doesn’t quench thirst! It mixes with alcohol and that is about it! I mean, using orange drink in a mimosa just doesn’t see…right. An “apple-drink-tini” sounds gayer than an “appletini” and trust me, as one who will divulge in an appletini every now and again (not as much now) I know that drink is as queer as Kansas City in springtime. Wow….I don’t even get that joke. I remember Griff was my roommate I went and got me some jugs of juice from the Mart and I was as happy as Akon at a Trinidad all-girls school Homecoming dance. Remember the jugs of juice, Beth? They were actually jugs of DRINK! Wasn’t no juice in them jugs! You know what? It was still tasty as all hell! The simple fact is drink is cheap, tasty and multi-purpose. You can have drink for breakfast (Fortified with NO essential vitamins or minerals, fishes!), lunch (Let me get a #1 and a medium orange drink!) and even at night (SHAWTY LET ME BUY YOU SOME APPLE DRAAAAAANK! See, if T-Pain said that his song may not be so shitty. Naaaaah…)! Juice is really only for breakfast. Hell, you can’t even get orange juice after 10:30am in most places! You can get yo drank on 24/7!
Answer: Drank is nutritious, delicious and most importantly BALLIN! Although I am all about that Cherry Limeade. That’s the only real good juice.
Question #5: What is With Grillz, Spinning Rims, Spinning Chains, Gaudy Chains, LED, Belt Buckles, Jeweled Crucifixes, White Tees, Those Technicolor Dream Coat Nikes, Sidekicks, Jeweled Belt Buckles and any other God Awful Fashion Trend?
Simple answer for this one.
Answer: Niggas and their money are soon parted. The stupider and more expensive the better.
Bonus Question!!!
Question #6: What is with Snapping, Crumping, Walking It Out, Hyphy and the New Dances?
*Sigh* Well, after about…sixty years of being trend setters (The only real dance craze that wasn’t based of something Blacks did was The Lambada. It’s the FORBIDDEN DANCE) they have finally run out of ideas. The last real cool dance was the Harlem Shake.
Even that went to the wayside due to the dislocated shoulders that occurred from it. I remember I popped my shoulder back in 2003 at that Latino Student Union dance; I was out of commission for two month from the dance floor! I was back in time for the “Shoulder Lean” though. The fact is for the most part everything has been done. That’s why so many women are dancing like strippers. They all aren’t morons (a good 60% are, though), they just have no new dances and no originality. Besides, my dances don’t take off, and I have been putting in work! Over the last 3 years I have created:
The Clock (WHAT TIME IS IT?! PARTY TIME!)
The Rodeo Phone
The Manual
The Secretary
The Lollipop Guild
The Lumberjack
The Blue Meanie
The I Like Your Booty But I’m Not Gay
The Machine Gun
The Power Ranger
The Slalom
The Jesus (That….didn’t go over so well)
The Butt Magnet (Not how it sounds. Wait, it is exactly how it sounds)
The Chattanooga Choo-Choo (WHOO-WHOO!)
The Pirate
And not a ONE TOOK OFF! Well, The Clock did that one time at Graham Central Station but that was YEARS ago. The fact is that the days of The Running Man, The Roger Rabbit, The Bus Stop, The Kid ‘N’ Play Kick Step and even The Electric Slide are over. We are stuck with…well what we began with. Shucking and jiving…err…”Chicken Noodle Soup”
Man, fucking Black people. I will be waiting in the fields in Alabama with a bale of cotton singing “Dixie”.
Note, peeps. This is all in fun! If you take this seriously and think I am the mouthpiece for all the Black people (and you 17 fucknuts that want to be referred to as African-American) then you my friend are a nerd. I will be back tomorrow for the Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up. I’m gonna go and get me some DRANK!
Good stuff. I used to be so awesome! What happened to me?! Eh, either way I will be back up before NDK with something, odds are a rant. Yep, they were quite therapeutic so if you have a topic you want ranted let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
So with NDK coming up (Yaaaaay. News at 11, I am not as excited as I once was for it. Sue me) and my 30th birthday the week after that (I EXPECT PRESENTS AND ALCOHOL, MOTHERFUCKERS!) I have to say that September is my favorite month of the year. This month has started off with an awesome bang, seeing as it was a party every night this month so far and as my idol Diddy once said…:
Man, those were the days. Anyway, most of you know that this year has been full of the awesomeness of talking owls and flame-thrower wielding kittens with a HEAPING FUCKING SPOONFUIL OF DIPSHITTERY AND ASSHATEDNESS. A lot of it by me most of it inflicted by the actions of others but in the end you need to do what is best for you and your star player:
Which I did and that is life. Fuck the world if they can’t adjust. So with that being said, I learned something today…
1. Gays Can Party: There are two things gays do well. They have sex with the same sex…and FUCKING PARTY. Not enough shirts, though. I mean if niggas in wifebeaters aint club attire you best believe that going shirtless is a fashion nightmare for your ass. Cover it up, thaaaaanks.
2. Tequila = NO: Yeah, I only have it once in a while but when I do you best believe shit hits the fan. I really need to stick to stuff from mother Russia. If it’s clear, have no fear!
3. Life Is Simple: Just fucking live it. The more people sit back and complain about how bad their life is or how bad they are being treated the more difficult it is. Just do what you do and do it well and if it aint working then try something else. Oh, and shut the fuck up about your pain, no one gives a shit. We got our own baggage, so check your shit at the gate.
These are some of many things I have learned over the last few months but one thing has to be said. By the way, if you think this is directed at you…then it is. If you don’t then just listen and learn from this statement:
If People Spent Half The Energy They Use Complaining About Their Life And Trying To Please Others On Fixing Their Own Lives And Making Themselves Better, The World Would Be A Better Place And These People Would Be A Lot Happier.
If it applies to you, think about it. If it doesn’t apply to you then embrace the change. That is all I have to say about that. Lastly…
Sometimes, it is better to channel the energy of pain into growth because since energy cannot be created nor destroyed, you may as well channel it toward bettering yourself and building you into the best you that you can be.
With that being said, its time to kick it a little old school! Here is a blog from June 14th, 2007…
What is up peeps! First off, for my Blogger peeps this is my 350th post! I want to thank you all for coming (189 new visitors this month and counting! It’s only the 14th!) and I hope you enjoy what you have read! Odds are…not so much. Welcome to the party, n00bs!
Well, it is Thursday and you know what that means! Cue up Loverboy for tomorrow because it is almost the weekend! Tomorrow is the Countdown and today I just have a real quick post because I have been getting a lot of questions from people of other races because…well usually I am their only Black friend most of the find. Being as that I am a good resource as a “Born Again Negro” (GOD DAMN THAT IS FUNNY!) I am mostly just sick of your fucking questions and misconceptions. So today it is time. Time to bust a rhyme? Nah, son it is time for…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus II: Black Man’s Burden Edition!
Today I will address the questions I have been asked over the last 12 months or so by other races because you are fuckers and I am sick of your ignorance. This coming from the guy that wants Turkey blown off the map. It’s Constantinople, GET IT RIGHT YOU SWARTHY BASTARDS! First off is a question that has been asked since that fateful day his car chase interrupted the Season Finale of Family Matters (OH, I was so pissed!)….
Question #1: Do Blacks Really Believe OJ Simpson Didn’t Kill Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman
Well…yes and no. You see, there is one word to describe Black people that they will damn near never admit: spiteful. At almost all junctures in time, Black people will take any opportunity to stick it to someone else, especially Whites. It’s why we support Barry Bonds (I don’t really give a fuck, I’m all about Andruw Jones), Kobe Bryant (Proof that anal sex with White women should only be done in movies by Lexington Steel) and R. Kelly (Who actually committed Black on Black urination but a “victory” for Blacks is a “victory” for Blacks even if it is Pyrrhic) so much.
The simple fact is that it is hard to kill two people with one knife. Hell, I couldn’t kill ONE ninja with TWO swords in Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box, so how can one aging Black athlete kill two White people with one shank? It is a rather far fetched thing to grasp because if I ever see somebody getting stabbed I am OUT. Just based on that fact alone, there is enough of a doubt for Blacks to say “Oh, he aint do that shit!” and that quite simply is all they need.
Okay, the real question isn’t if they think he killed them. Few Blacks will say yes because…well they have to keep the lie going. Now I cannot speak for anyone else for this but at the All Black Hands meetings (once a month or so at sometime in August or September. It’s like a party, it starts when people start rolling in) it is kind of accepted that we don’t ever say he did it. We all know he did though, but as long as it pisses off White people they will deny it. So Whites, stop getting upset and I guarantee OJ will say “Yeah I did it! I cried two tears in a bucket, fuck it! Let’s take it to the stage!”
Answer: Of course OJ is innocent! (God, I must be the only Black person that thinks he DID do it. But I aint going to rock the boat)
Next is a question that I thoughally despise because once again, I am one of the few Black people going against the grain on this…
Question #2: Do All Blacks Really Love Watermelon?
Mother fuck. I hate this shit. First off, I will only have watermelon if there is no other fruit available. What?! A Black person that doesn’t like watermelon? Shenanigans! I have this conversation with Griff all the time because whenever I go someplace and I am offered watermelon I kindly say no. Black people look at me like I just raped their dog while Whites look at me like “No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY!” Okay, I am going to level with you. Black people really do love watermelon, despite the racist stigma attached to it. Yes, they gobble it up the same way White people eat cantelope (I’ve seen you, White people!) and spit out the seeds rapid fire like in those offensive ass Warner Brothers cartoons. God, it even makes their lips shine and they make that retarded ass smile like sambo statues back in the 1920’s (Or 2005 in the South. Fuck the South). It is fucking disgusting. Even still…they love it. Yes, just like your encyclopedia says. Without fail, ask a Black person if they want some watermelon and after they kick your ass for being a racist prick (Which I didn’t, funny story if you want to hear it but I couldn’t kick her ass because she was different like that) they will say “Yes, that would be quite a tasty treat.”
Answer: Sadly yes. Chalk one up for Whitey.
Question #3: Do All Black People Love Fried Chicken?
Yes. Simple answer. Yes, that stuff is DELICIOUS! Hell, all people love fried chicken! It is the tastiest off all the fried poultry! I hate how every neighborhood with a Black majority population has a Popeyes (And a gun store, liquor store, check cashing location and a Korean market. No shit, it is infuriating) but hey it’s good eating! White people eat fried chicken, too! They just don’t glorify it as much because you all are faking the funk. Or faking the fowl. So yes, your assumptions are right. Although I will say that it’s not just fried chicken. Barbequed, baked, broiled, sautéed, braised, rotisserie it doesn’t matter. Chicken is the flavor of life, fuck a Lifesaver candy!
Answer: Fuck yeah. Fried chicken is good and good for you!
Question #4: Juice vs. Drink. What is the deal?
Okay, you heard Dave Chappelle mention it and Griff, Carl and I used to talk about this all the time when we had real jobs and got to partake in this mythical ‘juice’ the wealthy had been enjoying for so long. I tell you what, as good as juice may be, nothing cools you down on a hot ass summer day than a tall glass of icy cold grape drink. Juice doesn’t quench thirst! It mixes with alcohol and that is about it! I mean, using orange drink in a mimosa just doesn’t see…right. An “apple-drink-tini” sounds gayer than an “appletini” and trust me, as one who will divulge in an appletini every now and again (not as much now) I know that drink is as queer as Kansas City in springtime. Wow….I don’t even get that joke. I remember Griff was my roommate I went and got me some jugs of juice from the Mart and I was as happy as Akon at a Trinidad all-girls school Homecoming dance. Remember the jugs of juice, Beth? They were actually jugs of DRINK! Wasn’t no juice in them jugs! You know what? It was still tasty as all hell! The simple fact is drink is cheap, tasty and multi-purpose. You can have drink for breakfast (Fortified with NO essential vitamins or minerals, fishes!), lunch (Let me get a #1 and a medium orange drink!) and even at night (SHAWTY LET ME BUY YOU SOME APPLE DRAAAAAANK! See, if T-Pain said that his song may not be so shitty. Naaaaah…)! Juice is really only for breakfast. Hell, you can’t even get orange juice after 10:30am in most places! You can get yo drank on 24/7!
Answer: Drank is nutritious, delicious and most importantly BALLIN! Although I am all about that Cherry Limeade. That’s the only real good juice.
Question #5: What is With Grillz, Spinning Rims, Spinning Chains, Gaudy Chains, LED, Belt Buckles, Jeweled Crucifixes, White Tees, Those Technicolor Dream Coat Nikes, Sidekicks, Jeweled Belt Buckles and any other God Awful Fashion Trend?
Simple answer for this one.
Answer: Niggas and their money are soon parted. The stupider and more expensive the better.
Bonus Question!!!
Question #6: What is with Snapping, Crumping, Walking It Out, Hyphy and the New Dances?
*Sigh* Well, after about…sixty years of being trend setters (The only real dance craze that wasn’t based of something Blacks did was The Lambada. It’s the FORBIDDEN DANCE) they have finally run out of ideas. The last real cool dance was the Harlem Shake.
Even that went to the wayside due to the dislocated shoulders that occurred from it. I remember I popped my shoulder back in 2003 at that Latino Student Union dance; I was out of commission for two month from the dance floor! I was back in time for the “Shoulder Lean” though. The fact is for the most part everything has been done. That’s why so many women are dancing like strippers. They all aren’t morons (a good 60% are, though), they just have no new dances and no originality. Besides, my dances don’t take off, and I have been putting in work! Over the last 3 years I have created:
The Clock (WHAT TIME IS IT?! PARTY TIME!)
The Rodeo Phone
The Manual
The Secretary
The Lollipop Guild
The Lumberjack
The Blue Meanie
The I Like Your Booty But I’m Not Gay
The Machine Gun
The Power Ranger
The Slalom
The Jesus (That….didn’t go over so well)
The Butt Magnet (Not how it sounds. Wait, it is exactly how it sounds)
The Chattanooga Choo-Choo (WHOO-WHOO!)
The Pirate
And not a ONE TOOK OFF! Well, The Clock did that one time at Graham Central Station but that was YEARS ago. The fact is that the days of The Running Man, The Roger Rabbit, The Bus Stop, The Kid ‘N’ Play Kick Step and even The Electric Slide are over. We are stuck with…well what we began with. Shucking and jiving…err…”Chicken Noodle Soup”
Man, fucking Black people. I will be waiting in the fields in Alabama with a bale of cotton singing “Dixie”.
Note, peeps. This is all in fun! If you take this seriously and think I am the mouthpiece for all the Black people (and you 17 fucknuts that want to be referred to as African-American) then you my friend are a nerd. I will be back tomorrow for the Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up. I’m gonna go and get me some DRANK!
Good stuff. I used to be so awesome! What happened to me?! Eh, either way I will be back up before NDK with something, odds are a rant. Yep, they were quite therapeutic so if you have a topic you want ranted let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
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