*Sigh* I Was In The Mood For A Good Cry.

Damn it, I love listening to this song. Even though it always makes me almost cry:

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Nothing wrong, just love this song.

Chachi Out.

Dumb Ass Dudes: Ruining Things For All Of Us Since...1987?

Okay, so my mind is going a mile a minute and I don’t know why. Also, I am addicted to Red Bull (Thanks, BETH) which means I will be fucking wired until midnight. So I just read this article and said to myself…

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.

1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
(Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)

2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
(That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)

3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
(What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)

4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great."
(Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)

5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
(My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)

6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
(Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)

7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
(Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)

8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner.
(Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)

9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
(God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)

10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
(Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)

11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
(You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)

12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it!
(Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)

13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
(No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)

14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
(Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)

15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all
(Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)

Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:

Hells yeah. Well, that is enough for today. I will try to be back up tomorrow but again I make no guarantees. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

If OJ Can Do It, I Can Do It. Write A Book....Not Kill A Blond, White Woman. But I HAVE Thought About It.

What is up peeps? Sorry about no blog today, I have decided to collect my blogs into a "Not-Really-A-Book." I dont want to call it a book because every fucktard with a word processor and a whiney story to tell has "written a book" to the point the phrase is dead like "I'm gonna get crunk!" or "He violated me." However, I have always wanted to do a concept peice in the vein of Styx and Meatloaf. Hopefully, I can be just as fucking awesome:

It will take a while as I now have a job as compared to when I thought of the idea and was laid off and had an assload of time to work on it. Also, I plan on blogging and ranting as normal as possible, as some of that work will go into it. Odds are I wont even sell it as I dont think the world is ready for what the hell I have to say but eh, it is for me anyway. Just letting the peeps know why I may not be as blogging as much sometimes.

In an interesting fact, I am already done with the foreword, table of contents and half of chapter two which is already a bad sign as I cant even follow the fucking table of contents I created. However, I am a writer of mood (Hence the irreverance of my rants) so there will be lots of bouncing around. Hell, I may post some progress now and then in between some of my regular posts.

Well, it was a good weekend as I went on the town on Saturday (Sake and pomegranate wine...faboo!) and went to Territory Days yesterday (Which was interesting. A hell of a lot of White people down there) so it wasnt a total loss. Hit up some sake today too, but it has served well for the writing of the book. Sake.....my clear, rice wine muse. It's back to the grind tomorrow so I have to be out. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.

I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli. Still waters run deep!

Yes, I am back ONCE AGAIN! I am spoiling you all with a post every day. I am letting you know this right now: summertime may be like this because I hate summer with a passion and will bitch about it a lot. But having post a day may be a bit too much. Five a week is doable but I think I have had a post up every day for the last 10 days or so, give or take a Saturday night at Alyse’s mom’s house for a graduation party in which I wasn’t in condition to drive let alone post. Never stopped me before; I was drunk for about 40% of my posts in 2006. I tell you, sake is WHERE IT IS AT!

So I really wanted to touch on a topic that I covered a while back because it seemed to need repeating. So as I have gotten older and the clientele of female I know and associate with has done the same (In age, not necessarily in INTELLEGENCE but definitely age. Doing the same shit you were doing when you were twenty and bitching about it as a learning experience isn’t learning….it’s asshatery) I have realized that the act of being shallow hits new lows. Now what bugs me about this isn’t the act of being shallow it is the denial and utter and complete lies that go along with the act. Now I will be the first to admit that I am no Terrance Bi Efron-Howard so some would say I have right to ever be selective in who I decide to (or not to) date/associate with. Let’s look at this with a little bit of logic. I know that is hard if nigh impossible for some of you fucktards but bear with me. Your dumb ass might learn something. So it is time to revisit a few things from my past rants with…

Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!

Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?

Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:

GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me….I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!

So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.

However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:

Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.

Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.

Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.

Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. You telling me that Hitler was like

“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”

No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.

Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.

There are two things I never complain about:

1. Not having sex.
2. Being a fattie.

You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.

Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.

One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:

Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean….who can turn down THIS?

When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate?

Yep….that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.

At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.

Chachi Out.

And THIS Is Why My Lady Love Doesn't Love Me :(

Hey, ya’ll! I just wanted to let you know that sake rules. Seriously, that shit is great, If you don’t like it (And you know who you are, and yes you are a woman and NO you cannot handle its awesomeness) then you are a punk ass bitch. Yeah, I said it. I keeps it real! WU-TANG!

So with that being said…congrats to Beth for graduating! Now you get to fall into the line that is the real world and society! My advice; get your doctorate, girl. Avoid the real world as long as you can and by that time we will finally be overrun with Mexicans so you can change your name to Rosa and fit in. I kid, I kid. Graduation is an important part of your life (I have been through two and a half. PARTY TIME!) and so you will be able to put the money you earn in a paycheck into the global pot that we call taxes and social security. That neither one of us will get so be prepared to be pissed off about that shit when it runs out. But I digress…

One quick point to make here: stupid people need to really not be around. I mean what I say is funny, hands down. Unless I am making the obligatory Jew joke (And who doesn’t? DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!) everything I say is grounded in humor and not meant just to shock. So why are people so shocked when I make:

• The collie jokes (Inter-species erotica = funny when done tastefully. Or not, I can’t remember which one so I do both)
• The Black jokes (Guess what? I AM BLACK, FUCKERS! I AM ALLOWED TO MAKE THEM!)
• The retard jokes (They aren’t funny, but their actions are.. You laughed at Corky and don’t say that you didn’t you lying sack of shit)
• Calling women stupid (Have I ever been proven wrong? Minus the women being vampires thing. They ARE succubi so I was HALF right and that counted for GW Bush so it counts for me. I only go after what is true and when I go after them it IS FUCKING TRUE)
• Calling men stupid (I hate how I am thought of as “gay” because I hate men. Consider me gay because I like Cher, you close-minded fuckers. Its why men will always be fucktards that deserve to die in horrible mishaps. No sympathy for a man who does bungie jumping or attempting to binge drink. That is fucking stupid)
• Pedophilia jokes (The shit is funny as long as you keep it tasteful. I mean, come on here. Joles about Hinoi Team are funny because they are Japanese and you know why. If you don’t…you don’t read this often enough and that is your own fucking fault. As long as you don’t pee on them because that shit is gross)

…people get all pissy? Now if I said these things to be mean then I would completely understand the stares and the gasps. But seriously, when did people get such a fucking bug up their ass about what is funny? These are the same people that find Dane Cook hilarious and thought “Scrubs” was pretentious. It is a damn shame that Americans have the attention spans of drunk cats because they miss out on so much funny shit and focus on the irrelevant and harp on the awesome to the point that I had to be forced to realize that all the greatest shows of my youth were from north of the border (You Can’t Do That On Television, Undergrads, Degrassi Junior High) and that partially makes me want to cry. We as Americans have become uptight, pussy-footing, whiney little pussies and if my great- uncle wasn’t too crazy to function because of the Korean War and Vietnam (Someone has to explain to me the truth of that because I don’t see that as being….possible) he would tell you to quit being such candyasses. I mean…if he wasn’t nuts and all. Now he just drinks Crown Royal and has the occasional fpashback in the living room involving flipping over a table and yelling something about steaks because all he says is “Flank right!!!” Crazy as shit but that man is great for a war story. Aaaaaaand that is why no one in my family loves me.

With all that said, I am off to get some food. With all that is open being Taco Bell and…McDonald’s….I may just go to the store and buy something and cook it. I want to LIVE through this three day weekend. I will be back up tomorrow with a less alcohol induced, come-down town. Needless to say, I had a hell of a lot of fun today and I am out for more. You only die once and I don’t want to die by getting stuck in the fucking tub like a fat ass. That is one way that even the awesomeness that is me can never live down. Tomorrow’s blog will be better. I promise! Until then....off to Albertacos!!!

Chachi Out!

Dudes Night Out!

It is FRIDAY PEOPLE! You know what that means: summer blockbusters and…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get this party started shall we?

20. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #17)
It looks like The Roots dual run will be down to one soon. I wonder if they are going to do a show in Denver this summer. They usually do but I always miss it.
19. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (New Entry)

The Game is back! You know, I am going to be honest here: I have always been a fan of Game. Little known fact is the guy has THREE Top Three videos which is hard to get to get on here seeing as how I don’t like hip hop. Then again….Young Jeezy has three Top Three videos and two number ones but….that’s different.
18. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #16)
Miss Badu falls another two spots and looks to be on her way off the Countdown this week as well. It has been a good run for her and here is hoping that she comes out to Denver along with The Roots. Now THAT’S big pimpin.
17. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #20)
Chris Breezy moves up a huge three spots this week as he tries to do something that very few male R&B artists do: make it to the top. Aside from John Legend and Usher, no male R&B singer has made it to number one. Can Young Chris break that streak?
16. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #13)
Yui falls another three spots this week and this is one person that I really want to see live. I am kind of surprised she hasn’t done at least one larger anime convention. Give me that, Yui! Just once!
15. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #18)
Aqua Timez moves up three spots as they look to duplicate the success of “ALONES” in late 2007. You know, this is one group that all their songs don’t sound rehashed but they sound the same. Not in a bad way, but in a signature sound without sounding manufactured way.
14. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #14)
The Roots stand pat this week as we move along. After not being able to SEE this video for the last three weeks, I am getting kind of bummed. I watch MTV Jams for about seven minutes a day and this video is never on. Bastards.
13. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #11, Seven Weeks at #1)
Yuki and Cico, I am going to miss you! I needs me some new Bennie K right now! After seven weeks on top the least they could do is give me a free hat. Or another video with my baby boos.
12. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #15)

As we move closer to the Top Ten, we see a familiar face. Paramore looks to make it three for three in the Top Ten with their latest video. Listen to the words….heartbreak sucks ass.
11. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #9)
We are one step away from the upper half and on the outside looking in is Miss Yui! It has been a good first half of the year for Yui with a great new album and two big videos. And yet, she hasn’t captured that third number one video. Maybe next time? Until then, we are into the Top Ten!
10. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #10)
Colbie stand pat at number ten for the second week in a row. This video is still a good watch but the song is a better listen…when you are feeling all stalker-ish…which I am. ALL THE TIME.
9. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)

Mmm…Foxxi MisQ. Sounds like a sexy, sexy drink. Even still, my ladies fall three spots this week as I patiently wait for a new video from them. Le sigh….
8. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
In a shocker, after cracking the Top Five for the second time in 2008 Lupe Fiasco falls three big spots this week. Reports are of a new video and maybe….just maybe….a video for the CRS remix of “Everybody Nose.” DARE I DREAM?
7. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #8)
The fine, fine, SEXY FINE Alicia Keys moves up a solitary spot this week. So um…she is so damn fine in this video that I have nothing. Is there anything finer than a sexy lady in a video?
6. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #12, Biggest Mover)

THREE SEXY LADIES IN A VIDEO! YA-KYIM rockets up a big six spots this week and land right outside of the Top Five! I just have to say that this damn song is catchy and this video is well….hot. Very hot. I think I may be in love.
5. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #7)

Kelun moves into the Top Five this week as we move on up. Kelun has NOT given a date for a new album OR a video for “CHU-BURA” which means I am going to have to hold another puppy for ransom until my demands are met. I don’t WANT to, but I will do it.
4. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #3)
The Arc falls another spot this week from the Top Three as they fail to take the top spot. Great run and a great start to what should be a kickass album, too. We are down to three!
3. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
And we have our first shocker of the week! After three weeks holding the crown, the Prince of R&B is knocked off his throne! It was a great stretch for Usher but it seems that with a new album next week and a new video it may be time for a change. We have a new number one….but WHO?!
2. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #4)

The legend is one step away! Toshinobu Kobuta and Misia have come one step away from greatness. Also, this is the highest an Asian male artist has been since Bi with “I’m Coming” in 2006! After coming this far there is only one more place to go. But to do so, he will have to take down someone who is….coming home.
1. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)

Kanye West has his THIRD number one video ever and his second of 2008! After a rather long journey, Kanye has finally come home to the top of the Countdown along with Chris Martin from Coldplay. You will NEVER see that again, btw. Either way, kanye rules the Countdown once again! Congratulations!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Kanye can hold on for two weeks in a row! Or will Toshinobu Kobuta and Misia make history as the first solo male Asian artist at number one? Or can Usher rebound to take back his crown? Tune in next week to find out!

It’s off to see Indiana Jones tomorrow night! Or maybe Saturday, I’m not sure yet. Either way, it is party time! May go to Denver, too. Until I see you again, peace out.

Chachi Out.

Douche: A Multi-Purpose Word Since 1983.

So today while I was in a gas station earlier today and saw the attendant I usually see every few days when I have to fill up. We chitter-chatter about random stuff and while we were talking, I noticed that the place reeked. I mean FUN-KAY. Like dying muskrat love covered in Axe, Brut and Mobil One. After getting a good whiff I stated:

“Holy tit-fucking hell, it smells like ass and vinegar in here!”

The dude behind the counter laughed and was about to say something (I am sure something about cleaning supplies or a funky-ass bathroom) until I heard a rather shrill yet appalled gasp from behind me. I turned around and there was a female (I will put her about 30ish, so a little older than me but I don’t know, women aren’t aging very well these days. Work it out!) behind me. She said to us….and I quote…:

“How dare you two laugh! That is so fucking offensive and sexist!”

The clerk and I BOTH looked at each other with that quizzical look like “Is this bitch on the rag” until I realized she thought I was saying she smelled like unwashed ass and douche. Or maybe she was just taking things too seriously because she DID smell like unwashed ass and douche. It doesn’t matter to me. The thing that I find funny is my response. I wanted to apologize to her, I really did. But something in me said to her:

“Shut the fuck up, woman. Paranoid breeds truth.”

She just looked at me. I wanted to apologize again but she said nothing. She just looked at me with the same look I got from two other girlfriends before they broke into tears (One tried to slap me back in the day. Funny story if you want to hear it. All I ask for is a drink) and I was honestly expecting her to get pissed and I was going to have to verbally tear her a new one. I don’t LIKE doing that but if public people say and do shit you may not like or agree with and that is life. Either get down or lay down. Being a woman, she probably does both. ZING!

Either way, all she did was look at us, turn around and stomp off. I am not sure if she paid for her gas or not but that is beyond the point for me. I am just kind of irritated how that could be seen as sexist. For Christ’s sake I have smelled vinegar and I have smelled ass! You know what that place smelled like? Ass and vinegar! How is that fucking sexist? It’s not like I walked into a Popeye’s and said “Man, this place has more niggas than a Chuches!” or went into a room full of women and said “Uh oh, all these ladies in here SOMEBODY gonna fix ME a sandwich!” I made an observation about SMELL. I can understand being offended by the “holy tit-fucking hell” part because….well…I don’t know why. I never really understood the tit-fuck because it just seems devaluing for one and too much work for the other. Much like S&M.

Anyway, long story short I am not sorry for what I said but I apologize for how I responded to her stupidity. Even though I wasn’t wrong the intent and the implied meaning are in the receiver, even if she wasn’t the INTENDED receiver she took what I said out of context. It’s life, it happens and we gotta just let it slide. Hey, ladies….why can’t we be friends?

Funny is funny and that was funny as hell. Offensive? Without a doubt. But sexist? If you want to put it into that context than yes. In the end, all is well. On that note, I am totally out.

Chachi Out.

Don't Forget: Jesus Doesn't Love You. He Loves That Sweet, Sweet Cheeba.

What it is right now?! I am back once again and this makes….four in a row? Maybe five; I seem to have lost count. Either way, it is good to be back up.

So I am feeling better. I despise going to the doctor but was going to go yesterday if I wasn’t feeling better. Luckily, I wasn’t bad at all this morning so I don’t think I need to go. Which is good because I really didn’t want to have to go to a doctor and hear the regular shit. So to feel better, it is time for some….

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: What In The Fuck Happened To R&B?

You know, with the R. Kelly trial FINALLY starting up (Guess I was wrong about that one. I really thought they were just going to dismiss the charges) I am realizing that the state of R&B really has hit rock bottom. Remember the 80’s? We had:

• Alexander O’Neal
• Freddie Jackson
• Anita Baker
• Babyface
• Jody Whatley
• Patti LaBelle
• LeVert


Those days are over. Now we are stuck with T-Pain, Akon and whatever the hell a Pretty Ricky is. Do they even try anymore? I mean even compared to the 90’s, in which the decline of R&B began mostly due to the popularity of New Jack Swing (W00T!) and gangsta rap (N0T W00T!) there was still tolerable if not great R&B. From Boyz II Men to Toni Tone Tony to En Vogue to even Hi-Five (Rest in peace, Tony Thompson!) the groups were better:

Maybe I am too old for my own good but I am rather disappointed in what I have to call “Black music” anymore. I don’t like to say that but my parents had Marvin Gaye, The Temptations (Listen to the later work, it helped spark the movement) and of course Bob Marley. Now these artists are relegated to being sampled by shitty rappers (Not even Kanye or Lupe) or played by bros. God damnit! What music do I have to hold on to that helped kick off change?! “Love In The Club” by Usher?! NIGGA PLEASE! R&B sucks and the fact that no one is willing to change it is annoying. I guess niggas don’t want “What’s Going On” or “Fight The Power” as their ringtones.

Random Thought #2: I’m Straight But….Being Gay Is FAB!

Back when I was in college due to my activism (Before I became a tool for the man and The Revolution was in full swing) I was friends with several gay men. I was straight and they knew that but I would hang out with them as well as lesbians. It got to the point that I had more gay friends than all my other friends combined. You know what? I liked it better that way. Being gay is fucking awesome! You get faboo clothes, you can dance to happy hardcore and Cher without getting looked at like a freak and of course you can scream “Ooohh-a ooohh-a!” without sounding like you are hungry for the cock. For those of you that don’t know that sound effect, check Caramelledansen for the 100th time on this blog:

Now the whole gay sex thing doesn’t intrigue me but at the same time I find sex with women scary, foreign and icky so it could actually work if I wasn’t so damn awesome. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to make me their plaything? Curse these roguish good looks! CURSE THEM!

Random Thought #3: American Idol Is Still On?!

So someone told me as I was picking up dogfood that American Idol’s finale was on last night. Well…um….really? I guess I have given up on reality TV shows not called “America’s Best Dance Crew” but I just don’t get what the big deal is STILL with reality shows. I mean, honestly. If you watch “The Hills” you are a fucking moron. I don’t give a fuck if I haven’t seen it. If I wanted to see White bitches acting stupid I would either go to the fucking club or watch Hillary Clinton’s stupid ass. Are White people that damn bored that they have to film reality and block it into 22 minute increments broken up by commercials for Axe Body spray and Herbal Essence shampoo? Now I am guessing on that but I am pretty fucking sure I am dead on with that one.

What in the fuck happened to shows with actual scripts? It is shit like MTV that requires little brain capacity and NO ATTENTION SPAN WHATSOEVER that has caused shows like “Scrubs” and “Futurama” to get cancelled. Oh, and for those of you that say “I watched Scrubs! I’m not stupid!” all I have to say is you didn’t watch it when it was fucking new; instead you were watching The Bachelor or Temptation Island instead so it got cancelled…then brought back….then cancelled again. Your dumb ass watches SYDICATION which is not the same thing. Jackasses. To this day I do not know why there was a writers strike when there were only five shows with actual fucking writers on TV anyway. The dumbening of America continues.

Oh, and for you fuckers that say “Hey, you watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Venture Brothers! Those are high-brow shows!” remember than the majority of cartoons have not only pop culture references but nods to classic literature, television and cinema. I guarantee you that the average fan of the Tila Tequila show wouldn’t get one third of the referncees in an episode of the Venture Brothers:

Ungrateful pink monkeys.

Well, that is all for today. It is time for bed. Until next time (Odds are Friday for the Countdown), stay up.

Chachi Out.

You Know...Bukakke And Politics Don't Mix.

Alright, I am back ONCE AGAIN this week and I tell you it is feeling kind of good to post every day. It is usually the last thing I do before I go to bed so there are a lot of things to type about and all. So in between watching NBA basketball and J-pop videos I was watching the wrap-up of the Democratic Primaries in Kentucky and Oregon. Now I am sure you are expecting me to say “Hillary should stop for the sake of the party” like I used to do but now I really don’t care anymore. I really don’t have a problem with Hillary anymore because she isn’t on the radar. She can’t win without officially usurping the will of the peoples votes and delegates and if she does that then I am voting for McCain. My issue isn’t with Hillary, it is with her supporters.

You see, I feel like Hillary the same way I feel about the Mac. You see, an Apple computer has great uses and is an excellent machine for what it is used for in its niche markets. Now I don’t mean “niche” as in “fringe” but more like it is great for what it is made for which is digital video, music and retards. Hillary Clinton I think is a great politician and (surprisingly) has SOME views I agree with. Hell, when this whole thing started I was going to vote for her. Then I did something I haven’t done in a long time.

I listened to my mom.

My mother knows best and as a middle aged Black woman she kind of gets the fucked up ends of the stick in terms of respect from White feminists (Ask them, watch how they different races feel about each other), White men and even Black men. Being born and raised in the Southside of Chicago, my mom really didn’t have it good on either front (Female or Black) and I figured that she would want to vote for Hillary. I was dead wrong. Now she has never ONCE said that Obama should be President because he could be the first Black one. Nor has she supported Hillary because she would be the first female President. My mother supports Obama for the sole aspect that Hillary is the same politics we have seen since 1980. Voting for Hillary is like voting for Bill Clinton again, which I was (And she was not) a fan of for the eight years he was in there. I don’t know how many times my mother has called Hillary a “lying bitch” and I just call her a fucktard but hey, if my momma said it that shit is TRUE.

It isn’t about Obama looking like me and it isn’t about Hillary being the opposite sex. It is about who isn’t like them. And by them I mean the status quo. As much as Obama may seem like a dreamer, at least he HAS a dream. Hillary has spent a good amount of time trying to extend the race and change the rules that she initially agreed with about Florida and Michigan and in the end what she needs to do is just run. Win states without playing the race card and tossing out math that isn’t feasible or logical and just run. Quit bragging about winning states now in the end that you won’t win in the general election. Go out there, run your race and quit playing the “sexism” card.

Speaking of sexism, aren’t there more women on this planet than men? Therefore, shouldn’t there be more females voting than men anyway? How is she losing when in the beginning there were like four or five male candidates splitting the male vote and she STILL was barely winning? Is there sexism in this race? Of course there is! There is racism against Obama and ageism against McCain. People stick with their own because at the end of the day…all Americans are only American during the Olympics and Rocky IV.

With that being said, look at this breakdown:

McCain: Rich, old white men, old white women married to old white men, bros, pretty much the Bush crowd.
Obama: Blacks, well-to-do young Whites….um….Jews? He seems very kosher!
Clinton: lower-class Whites, the women that don’t vote for McCain or Obama (SEE! Told you women are self-defeating!), a spicy smattering of Mexicans.

That leaves one demographic: ASIANS. So to my Japanese collective out there, Obama is your man! You know why? HE LOVES BUKAKKE!!!

Well, I will try to be back up tomorrow. I need sleep so until then, stay up peeps.

Obama Ga Kette, Bukkake Ga Daisuki!

Dr. Phil Aint Got Shit On Me!

What is up, people? I am back AGAIN and I am shocked that I am averaging about five posts a week for the year of 2008. At this rate, I would have the most posts I have ever done in a year and I have been at this since 2006. Maybe people will start reading this thing and I can REALLY get cooking.

So over the last few years on this blog I have posed some very interesting questions and gave a logical answer to each and despite the complaints from people (Read: women) that claim to be offended or just say I am wrong with no basis for their answer being correct (Which I have learned is the MO for any female between the ages of 21-30, niggas and bros) I can honestly say that I speak the truth to the hip youth. So today I have a new kind of post. I am going to look back on some of my older posed questions and see how well they hold weight and quite simply see if they are still right. So, everyone get your books and bring your fun hats because it is time for…

Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi: Teachers Edition Review!

Question #1: Are Women Smarter Than Zebras?

Answer Then: No
Answer Now: Pfft, they are lucky to outsmart gummi bears.

Now this was an argument that I posed to my Social Feminism (I believe that was the class, it was 2002 and my mind is sketchy) and I was vilified for my words but my statement was validated by their responses and actions. This was from the post and it was actually taken (Mostly) from the debate in class

“Let's look at this with a little bit of logic. Black men and white women don't hold hands in Alabama when possible. Gay college students stay away from frat parties wearing rainbows. White people stay out of New Orleans, D.C. and Detroit after midnight. Why? Because it is just logical and good common sense. In the jungle, how many times have you seen a zebra walk up to a lion and give it a kiss like Bugs Bunny gave Elmer Fudd? Never. Why? Because it's not good common sense. Are women smarter than zebras? Of course they are. So why do things that aren't safe for you?

That’s not a fair comparison, you say? You should be able to drink whenever and not have to worry about being groped or worse sexually assaulted? You say you should be able to have a good time without fearing for your safety? You know what? You are correct. You know what else? I don't like having to say this but tough shit. It's sad, but it’s the way things are. I'm a grown man but I was scared when I was in Mississippi. I was literally scared because of how people looked at me and the artifacts of racism that were in gas stations and restaurants (confederate flags, sambo statues, etc). Is that fair? That I should be afraid of being assaulted? No. But you know what, tough shit for me. It hurts me to say that, but at the same time, I want to live to be 30.”

Now I for one will admit that I have done some dumb ass things but at the end of the day I know what to do and what not to do. I know women love to say “well society should change” or “well, I don’t have to do what society tells me” or my FAVORITE “I don’t listen to this society.” Now in a perfect and completely anarchistic world those statements are valid and actually a great way to look at it as you do what makes you feel good. But there are things that make other people feel good that may make you feel bad. Like…rapes or lynching. Let’s not forget about the fag-drags. Now those acts are illegal but people WILL do them if you allow yourself to be put in that situation. Now no Black man in the south ASKED to be lynched (Although eyeballing the sweet, white sugar didn’t help anything) but the simple fact is that he was in the SOUTH. They were (Um….are) uneducated, racist fucktards that felt the need to validate themselves by oppressing and even killing those they thought were inferior. There are times when danger is about and it’s either morphin time or its fleeing time. It’s not a good time to try to convince the drunk dude that bought you a drink in the bar that you went home with of your “right to have a good time” while he is already on top of you. I am just saying.

What always confused me since that class (And to a MAJOR extent since this rant that I will touch on later) is that the older women get the more defiant they get about not wanting to just be smart. I UNDERSTAND that the world should be one way but it fucking isn’t. You have to take precautions to stay safe and sometimes that means not having that fourth Long Island Iced Teas and occasionally wearing some fucking panties. You don’t fight the power by deciding that you want to be able to dress how you want or drink yourself stupid. You try to change the way you perceived yourself amongst YOURSELVES first. The first step of a movement is finding out where you STAND and then you figure out from WHERE YOU STAND where you want the movement to take you. I mean do women really want it to be okay for them to be whores? Some do, most don’t the negative connotation of being considered one. Do women just want to be treated as equals and put on the same ground in terms of societal standards and standing? Many do, but there are a lot of you out there (And I know a few of you bitches) that don’t want the responsibility or the work of equality but want the power. You can’t ask for equality if you don’t know what equality IS. Ask niggas and their reparations bullshit. You know who pays that shit? ME because I have a fucking job! So I am paying reparations to myself. Great, I’m a fucking slave again.

This is off topic, but I take time to talk to old black men and women all the time. You know why? BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OLD FUCKING BLACK PEOPLE! Those that are out there did SOMETHING right because between the dogs, nooses, fire hoses and Tuskegee experiments I figured there wouldn’t be any Black people left! They obviously either did things to AVOID trouble or got in trouble and said “You know what? Fuck this marching alone shit; them crackers and they dogs kicked my ass! I am marching with The King!” In other words, being a solitary whore doesn’t create change. Being an organized society of skanks makes change! Man…I am fucking awesome!

In the end, I still believe that there are a good percentage of women that are smarter than zebras. When I say that it is to get a rise and make women think just like my tossing in of the Tuskegee experiments is to get a rise out of Black people to make some fucking changes. I hear about women talk about wanting to change the status quo all the time but unless you are going to do a societal version of a bloody coup d’état to make it so that you can fuck the Detroit Pistons starting five and not be a whore then it is fucking moot. Figure out what the norm is FOR YOU as women, then bring that to the masses as how you want society to perceive you. God, have any of you even LOOKED OR READ anything about Women’s Suffrage or any Civil Rights Movements? Gawd.

Question #2: Is Chivalry Still Dead?

Answer Then: Yes
Answer Now: No, just the appreciation of it.

Now this is one thing I never really understood until I just flat out asked the sexes what they thought chivalry was and why it is dead. I stated this a few months ago, but I believe this should be noted as fact from this point on:

“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”

That makes PERFECT sense when you add in the viewpoints of the sexes. Every woman I have asked has said that chivalry is “lame” because “I don’t need someone to do something for me.” Yet, women in the club will rarely turn down a drink because…you are all lushes and looking for attention. Nothing wrong with that. Now MEN on the other hand don’t perform acts of chivalry because they also think its “lame” and “I’m not doing that for a woman that I’m not having sex with.” No shit, three dudes said that to me.

So I try to add this all up and I realize that people really don’t understand the intent. The intent of chivalry at its core isn’t to show dominance for men or dependence for women. Because guess what: chivalry initially was about MANNERS. There is chivalry toward men (Allowing another to pass in a non-submissive manner, salutations) and even women to men. So it isn’t about Uke and seme (HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yaoi reference….I am on a roll tonight) as much as it is about being a person with manners and some FUCKING HOME TRAINING. I open doors, let people pass and pull chairs because I was taught to and it is the right thing to do. If you are a woman and you see it as lame and someone trying take away your independence then you are a dumb bitch and expect the least from people. Congratulations, hope you know how to take a punch. If you are a man and you think it is lame and not worth doing ever because if you do it you better get some poontang then you are a fucktard. Most women that cannot accept simple acts of random kindness or manners are usually whores (Or quasi-feminists who think everyone is trying to fuck them with no one is) and likely will give you the gift of a wed-locked child or herpes. Or BOTH.

Man, I am a total dick but I am also totally right. On that note, it is bedtime. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new or at least a re-do of an old rant. Cant be going to bed at 2:30am for no reason anymore because I am SPENT in the mornings. Peace out, ya’ll.

Chachi Out.

The Chachi's Court Is Now In Session!

What is up people? It was a really rough weekend as my cold is a LITTLE better (I am still coughing up phlegm and my head is kind of killing me) and yesterday was full of sake induced misadventures and shenanigans. Think I found the woman of my dreams, too. Or maybe not, I was a little off my rocker yesterday…

So we are about three weeks from the halfway point of 2008 and I must say that this years has gone by a LOT faster than 2006 and faster than 2007 as well, although the last five months of the year were a blur of carrying people upstairs, drunken smitteness (And sober smittenness. But whom?! The mystery continues!), four letters of resignation and of course THE LITTLE MERMAID. But this year has been fast and rather blasé. Aside from the Democratic election and the asshatery which is my former employer there hasn’t been much excitement this year. It hasn’t been BAD so far but it has been nowhere near GOOD by any means. Life is what you make of it and all that bullshit but still, you can only work with the tools you are given. Unless you steal them, which sounds like a good idea right about now.

So I want to talk about something. It is something that is part of why I am so jaded now and I have noticed that a lot of people I know are either broken fucktards or running around with someone that they CLAIM they forgive and yet are holding grudges for shit which I will get into later but that is the most childish shit I have ever heard of. So it is time for a little bit of lawgiving. So here is the first ever installment of…

Master Chief Captain Chachi Lays Down The Law!

This Weeks’ Crime: Infidelity!

Okay, I can say that aside from the Mormons, almost every true friend I have (You know who you are) has been cheated on by a significant other, yours truly included (Multiple times….same person….I’m a dumbass, I know) in some way, shape or form. Now first off let me say that if you are dating or are married to someone and you “cheat” by having sex with someone else then you are quite simply a piece of shit. I’m sorry you are and here is why:

1. Cowardice: Seriously, if you cannot tackle a problem head on which is causing this need for you to consider infidelity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first fucking place. I mean COME THE FUCK ON and grow up. If you can’t talk to the other person then you probably shouldn’t have been married or started dating in the first place.
2. Selfishness: Now when I say this I mean it in this way: if the other person did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? Odds are (This is a generalization but it rings VERY TRUE) that you would be hurt to no end. And yet…you have the audacity to do it to the other party. Congratulations, you are a selfish shit. If you are selfish in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one; get yourself a fucking hamster or something.
3. Illogical: Now I use this word because I don’t really believe in the word “immoral” because that would invoke religion and I think that now religion has no relevance in relationships because if you have more than one you are already being immoral so the point is moot. However, look at infidelity logically. What would one hope to accomplish with infidelity? One night of passion with a person that isn’t your other? Well, that is fine but is it a logical means to an end? One night (Or several) of sex is worth destroying a relationship? If so then odds are you shouldn’t have been with that person anyway. Even if the other person is a fit, break up with the current person first. It’s just common-fucking-sense.

So there are many more reasons someone would be a dipshit for cheating but there is another party and usually a just as guilty if not GUILTIER party and that is the person that is being cheated on. Now I said last night in jest that you never blame the victim but at the end of the day you have to figure out what made you the victim and how you can avoid being one again. We have all been there whether major or minor and your goal after being victimized should be how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. Now I for one have ran into this problem more times than I am comfortable saying (I am batting over .500 with bitches) but when you are the victim of a cheater you have to gauge the situation for yourself; fuck the other party. No matter how much they cry or apologize to you (Sigh, sweet situation narrative truth) you have to remember that why this happened could be your fault so you have to fix YOURSELF before you can accept an apology from the other party. Now here is what kills me the most: people that stay with the person that cheated on them and they do it again. Okay, it is time to get real here.

This is coming from someone who was laid off or outsourced from the same company THREE FUCKING TIMES. Aside from the first time (Which I was informed about prior to being let go but it still hurts when you are pretty much fresh out of college and it is your first real job) every time something like that happened I knew it was coming and I was okay with it because I tried to move out of said situation but roadblocks were in my way. That’s life, though. Now let’s bring this back. If you take back someone that cheated on you, at that point you are never….EVER allowed to be hurt or bitch if they do it to you again. You can never mention it in arguments and you can never say “Oh, I’m over it” when you know damn well you are not. Quit being a candyass and man the fuck up. If Kane can team with the Undertaker after being SET ON FIRE and win tag team championships then you can get over being cheated on. If you cannot, that is fine. Been there and I just had to say the nay no to getting back together. However, the one instance I DID stay I never brought it up again. Not during arguments, not when she was gone past when she said she would be and never when I was drunk (Ground zero! GROUND ZERO!).

That is something you have to accept: if you forgive the person you also have to forgive the act. Say what you will but one party cheats and you stay together, having that always in the back of one’s mind is not healthy. People make mistakes. Interceptions are thrown, line drives are misfielded, three point shooters are left open on botched rotations and occasionally, a defenseman scores on their own goalie. You have to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You can’t bring that shit up next season when you feel like they aren’t hustling or they blow an assignment. On a team you have to rely heavily on trust and in a relationship if you don’t have trust then all you have is two people that may happen to like to have sex with each other every now and then. Guess what? You are no better than drunk cats.

At the end of the day, the reason I posted this is because I am through fucking around with people. I have had just about enough of everyone complaining about how they are hurt because of what people did to them. Or better yet, complain about being hurt or feeling mistreated WHILE STILL WITH THE PERSON. In some cases, the person that was cheated on is more at fault for how the situation is handled than the person that cheated. If someone hurts you and you don’t leave then you have no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that person shouldn’t have cheated to begin with but I (Now, anyway) feel about cheating the same way I feel about physical abuse (if it happens once….there really SHOULDN’T BE A SECOND TIME! Now a quick note. I know that the…two or three people that read this may ask why I never lump mental and emotional abuse with physical abuse. Well, mental and emotional abuse are different by person as I can attest to. “You don’t validate my need to dress like a whore and feel normal about it! YOU’RE NOT SUPPORTIVE!” Well, that isn’t what she SAID but that’s how it SOUNDED to me. Quite simply, you never know how people will take it because one person’s joke is another person’s route to feeling de-validated…which she also said I did when I told her that she didn’t need my permission to do things which to HER meant I didn’t care. Abuse of the head is in the receiver and can be interpreted several ways as what I thought was giving freedom to the other party was indifference. Physical abuse is tangible. An uppercut to the gut….is an uppercut to the gut. No matter how you arrange or word the semantics, getting your ass whooped on is getting your ass whooped on…unless you deserve it. There is ALWAYS a reason to kick anyone’s ass; you just never hit a woman. That’s one to grow on.

Okay….new rule. Hitting women is okay if they deserve it AND you have Mentos. Can’t kick no ass without fresh breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo…..and THAT is why I am single, ladies.

So to lay down the law….

If you cheat, you are a douche. If you stay with a cheater, you are a fucktard. If someone can’t understand the concept of “one person” then they should leave that person and THEN sex up other people. It’s not a difficult process, but human beings are lazy. And with that, it is bedtime. It’s back to the grindstone as tomorrow is Monday (Le boo!) so I will try to be back up next week sometime. Until then, stay up peeps. And listen to Jermaine Stewart:

This doesn’t count if you are a certain lady out there. You can take your clothes off. And drink that cherry wine….uh-huh. My innuendo is priceless.

IN-YOUR-ENDO!

Whooo….put the kids to bed because it’s sleepy time.

Chachi Out.

Playin' With The Boys! Not...In A Gay Way...

What is up?! Damn….this week was hella short for some reason. Eh, either way it is Friday so you know what that means! It’s time for the…

Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!

We begin the Countdown this week with a new entry from a current R&B star that came close to being banned from this thing!

20. Chris Brown - Forever (New Entry)

Chris Breezy makes his first appearance on the Countdown! This is kind of a shock considering how much I DID NOT LIKE “Wall To Wall” (It almost won the Chachi for worst video of 2007). However, this song has been on rotation on the deck in the car and the video is on the Zune and running the battery down. Not the normal R&B fare, which is kind of why I like it.
19. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #17)
Looks like after a pretty lengthy stay in the bottom half, The Boyz are on their way out of the Countdown. NERD’s remix for “Everybody Nose” with CRS and Pusha T is fucking TITS! Too bad my copy is kind of shitty.
18. Aqua Timez - Niji (New Entry)

The Timez is back! It has been over eight months since they were on here but Aqua Timez is back with a brand new video! Not really NEW but it took a while to grow on me. Not as rocking as “ALONES” but as we all know…few things are.
17. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #14)
Looks like The Roots are still falling with this one. Been a big year for these guys, I hope a Grammy nod comes from this one.
16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #13)
Another big first half artist is now falling as summer begins. Miss Badu got close to the top but couldn’t take the crown. Not much from her since, though.
15. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)
Paramore is once again rocketing up the Countdown, moving up four spots this week! Could they be the new Evanesence of the chart? Amy Lee and company came close twice in 2006 to the top spot and being the first rock band to take the throne but Paramore may just beat them to it!
14. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #15)
The Roots second video on the Countdown moves up one modest spot this week.
13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #11)
Yui’s rough summer continues as both of her videos are tumbling down. This video marked her third straight video to peak at number two before failing to take over the number one spot. In her defense, most artists never make it that high but her standards have been set higher than most.
12. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)

YA-KYIM moves up another BIG four spots this week as they try to crack the Top 10! Can I just say that this video almost melted my Zune? It’s true! They’s damn fine!
11. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #9, Seven Weeks at #1)
After ruling the Countdown, Bennie K is outside of the Top 10 for the first time since they debuted. This is arguably the biggest video of 2008 and it isn’t even summer yet! It had beed a while since I had seen my baby boo, too. I love you, Yuki!
10. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #12)

We have made the Top 10 and we begin with one of the biggest shockers so far! Colbie has really grown on me….or at least THIS video has. I am a fan of this song and the video is pretty much “Bubbly Part Deux” but it isn’t bad. And it has the creepy, Clay Aiken’s “Invisible” vibe I like. I’M CRAZY!
9. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #7)
The second of Yui’s videos to fail to take the top spot. Dare I say, her latest album is fucking bad ass. If you like J-Pop, pick it up. If you don’t….what the hell are you even fucking doing here?!
8. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #10)
My baby boo!! Alicia moves up a modest two spots this week as she seeks her third straight number one video. Can I just say….this girl is damn fine? Have you seen her in those pictures when she is in those grey sweatpants? Hell yeah! Made a supersonic man out of me!
7. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #8)
Kelun moves up one spot this week as I wait impatiently for their fucking album. GIVE ME “CHU-BURA” OR THE PUPPY GETS IT! I SWEAR I WILL DO IT!
6. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)

The ladies of Foxxi MisQ fall out of the Top Five this week as they continue their spiral. I don’t care. I still love me some Dem. She is tres hawt.
5. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
Lupe camps out at number five for the second straight week as he cracks the Top 5 for the second time this year. With another video out and HOPEFULLY one out for the “Everybody Nose” remix soon it could be a big year for Lupe.
4. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #7)
Moving up three big spots this week are the J-Urban legends! Toshinobu Kobuta is one step away from the Top Three as is Misia (Damn fine, by the way). Zach and I tried to do “La La La Love Song” at karaoke but…my Japanese is horrible. I’m working on it, though! The Top Three hasn’t changed, but has the order?
3. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #2)

After making it to the runner up position, Hyde and the boys take a step back this week. Is this just a temporary setback? Or is this the end of their return to the Countdown? Let’s hope it’s the previous because they are close to taking the throne!
2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #3)

Kanye is back in a familiar position: near the top. Not only is this his fourth video on the Countdown of 2008, this is his fourth Top Three video over the last 10 months! Now that is a very big run for him, maybe getting him the ever elusive Chachi for Artist of the Year? We will have to see…..
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

…..Because the artist with the number one video is vying for that title as well! Urr-sherr holds on to the crown of number one video for a third straight week! Yeah, I prefer the T.I. remix but odds are THAT won’t be coming out with Clifford Harris being in jail and all. Even still, this video is hot. Congrats on three weeks at the top!

That is all for this week! Tune in seven days from now to see if Usher and Jeezy can make it a full month at number one! Or will Kanye come home to the throne of the Countdown? Or can L’Arc~en~Ciel bounce back and take the crown from the Prince of R&B? See you in a week!

Well, I am considering going to see “Prince Caspian” tonight but I am totally in the mood for sushi and sake so I may just do that instead. Either way….SLUMBER PARTAAAAAAAAAY!

Chachi Out.

Chachi News: News For Those That Thinks Everyone Licks Emu Taint.

Hey, everybody! I am back for a little something new today. So I spend a lot of time reading and watching the news because quite simply….the real world is more exciting than TV. We have crazy villains (Kim Jong Il), valiant heroes (Kobe Bryant. Hey, having butt sex with a white girl and getting away with it is something that I dream about everyday) and even high drama like will gas hit $4? Will Hillary steal the election? IS BEYONCE PREGNANT?! These are things we must know! Now that Scrubs is gone and Venture Brothers hasn’t premiered yet, I find entertainment in CNN, MSNBC and…ugh…Fox News. But I digress. There are some huge news stories that have been covered this week such as the earthquake in China (You think I am going to say something offensive, don’t you? Not now, Chairman Mao. It is a tragedy) and the destruction in Burma (I calls it what I want) but I want to focus on a few stories this week that I feel will end up shaping OUR nation for the next few years either directly or in a roundabout way. So I give you for the first time ever….

Passion of Chachi’s Superstar Funky Fresh News Minute!!!

I need a flashy graphic and a kickass theme song. Anyway, let’s get started because America needs its news in short doses because we are too dumb to focus! Oooohhhh, shiny red ball!

NEWS FLASH: In West Virginia: Where Intelligence Dare Not Enter. It Went To Virginia.

So on Tuesday, West Virginia voted in mass for Hillary Clinton in their state’s primary which was expected. What was also expected was the idiocy of the “working class, blue collar white people” that Obama cannot “carry” because he is Black. Well, first off we need to be real with ourselves here:

Working class, blue collar whites = FUCKING HILLBILLIES AND REDNECKS.

I have driven through West Virginia. I will say from experience it isn’t a very Black friendly state. Randy Moss got the fuck out of there for a reason. Because he was dating a White chick, but that is only icing on the racist cake. Just call it how it is. Detroit is full of poor ass Black folk and West Virginia is full of the same ilk just White. And they have sex with family more often than the citizens of Detroit but that is a given. You know and can trust family because they know what you likes. Too far? The fact that Democrats are courting the bigot vote is a bad sign. I understand not voting for Barack Obama because:

• He’s inexperienced. You know, I have always felt that just because you have military service doesn’t make you prepared to lead a country BECAUSE YOU HAVE MILITARY LEADERS TO DO THE FUCKING WORK FOR YOU but at the same time he doesn’t have much experience running his own state.
• His vision of the country is kind of…well…is unattainable. What he says is great about change and a new direction for the country….but it was like in the NFL when everyone tried to use the Run and Shoot offense. Didn’t work very well, unless you count the St. Louis Rams and I don’t.
• He believes in Universal Health Care. I personally say fuck everyone so there.

Those are all VALID reasons. However, a NOT valid reason is not voting for him solely because…

HE’S A DARKIE BOY (GASP, DID I SAY THAT?!)

Yes, I said it. It is an ugly word and what I love is how people will say every word to describe him but that word about not voting for him. I mean have some fucking balls, you pricks. I will say it loud and proud I am not voting for Hillary. But not because she is a woman but because she is a selfish, lying sack of shit that is willing to destroy a party and a country for her own gain. Obama has never once said that he gets the uneducated (And educated...yeah all 17,000 of us) Black and the egghead yuppie hipster vote. That is an important vote because they help support the lower class with how much we pay in taxes and support assistance programs…not of our own choice mind you. When Obama dominated North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Virginia (The REAL Virginia) and Washington DC no one in his camp from my recollection stated that only he could win the poor Black vote. When Obama won Iowa, New Hampshire, Washington and Colorado no one said he could get the upper-class White and annoying ass hippie vote (I am looking at YOU, Boulder). That wasn’t a talking point for him to continue the race when Hillary was the presumptive nominee. So now why is it okay for Hillary to say that she can court the lower class White vote? And of course the female vote but as we all know women aren’t people and the fact that they vote and a horse cannot is a slap in the face to the leaders in old country.

This week West Virginia proved that it’s okay to be a racist if you are ignorant. The same thing that South Carolina proved but as Bill Clinton said, even Jesse Jackson won South Carolina. But Bill Clinton is one PBR away from calling Colin Powell a spear-chucker. Oh, you know I’m right. I say nigger quite often and I can tell you as a connoisseur of the word, Bill Clinton looks like a man that says nigger a LOT. He looks to be quite fond of the word….and big ole booties so you know he’s down for Black chicks. Even more so than Thomas Jefferson. Hmm….Thomas JEFFERSON. William JEFFERSON Clinton. I knew it! That is why Bill is so angry! That is why he was all about Hillary courting the poor Whitey vote! He is in self-denial!

BILL CLINTON WANTS SOME OF THAT BROWN SUGAR!!!

Thomas Jefferson knew it. Mick Jagger knew it. Robert De Niro knows it. Brown sugar tastes so good! Not for me, we don’t get along.

NEWS FLASH: Video Games Don’t Kill People.

Let’s celebrate by stealing a car and running down pedestrians! I kid, I kid. Seriously, this study was just released by a Harvard Med Scholar (So you KNOW it’s true) that states there is no direct correlation between playing violent video games and being a fucktard. There are fucktards that listen to Christian Rock but I don’t see anyone banning that shit. And if anything deserves to be burned, it is Christian Fucking Rock. Jesus cant rock, his hands have holes in them; he can’t hold a Goddamn guitar! Tambourine….maybe. Anyway, I am sick and tired of everyone getting a bug in their ass about video game violence like its 1993. Now back then there wasn’t a rating system and there wasn’t really a clear line between what was adult and not for kids to play due to the popularity of arcades. But when consoles became king and parents had to BUY the consoles and BUY the games for their kids…it became a PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY. Movies have gotten more violent, music has gotten sexier (And shittier but that is a different news flash) and TV has gotten….well….Tila Tequila. Nuff’ said. The fact that people are STILL whining about video games shows that parenting has gotten worse. Remember when you could beat your kids with a sack of oranges for being stupid? Well, sadly those days are over and now we act like kids aren’t able to know they ARE ENGAGING IN ASSHATERY so they have to be coddled. Fuck that shit; the only coddling kids need are a fucking gogoplata:

Catch your kid playing GTA IV and you don’t want them to? Snatch that indignant bastard in THAT and see if they do that shit again. If they do, you weren’t doing it right.

Video games don’t kill people, asshats kill people. And if Harvard said it, it must be true.

Well, that is all for the news. This is the Chachi signing off. If you want to get news you can count on, you know where you can go…to someone else.

Chachi Out.

Worst.....Blog.....Ever....

So when you drink soju, Hyori Lee DOESN'T come out and dance for you:

I would have cried shenanighans but soju is fucking awesome. IT GETS YOU DRUNK! YOU MIGHT FIGHT A NIGGA OR TWO!

MMM-MMM, BITCH! On a sad note, even Korean karaoke spots dont have Bi songs to sing, seeing as its the only Korean song I know sans Bulldog Mansion "Happy Birthday To Me":

But life aint all snapdragons and lollipops. I wish it was though. I am tired as fuck and need to be to work in like....five hours so I am out of this bitch. But first....

This video is dedicated to a certain someone out there....

You know who you are. If you think this is for you, odds are it isn't. BURN!!!

Shit, I am out. Be back on Friday.

Chachi Out.

I Want To Be The Very Best!

So I am back once again. I am real under-promising and over-delivering but sometimes I just get in the mood to post. First off, can I just say that when you are walking down the street and you walk through a CLOUD that you are too fucking high up? That was just a really…surreal moment I had when that happened. I was defying gravity! Kind of. Okay, not at all.

It’s time for some random musings….

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: Frank Calindo IS NOT FUNNY.

Okay, I know that white men around the world love this worthless fucker because he does a good John Madden impersonation. Well, first off he doesn’t. There is only ONE good John Madden impersonation:

Oddly enough, it was the only funny bit on MadTV EVER. Frank Calindo joins the long line of comedians/actors/fucktards like Dane Cook, Nick Cannon and Andy Milanakis that for some reason people think are funny for just being stupid. Now it is one thing to be irreverent (ATHF, Half Baked, Pootie Tang) but it is another to just be plain unfunny. And since we live in a country where West Virginians are actually are allowed to take time out of their busy schedules of being fellated by their cousins (Or if you are REAL West Virginians…your sister) to VOTE shows that we aren’t the brightest country out there. Seeing as how we as have to actually count the views of the lowest common denominator there is no doubt that some fucktard somewhere would find this dumb fuck talking about a “turducken” funny. I mean I am a fat fuck but even I don’t want any parts of the turducken. And I am the guy that worked with The Hoag to make grilled cheese corndog sandwiches.

Chachi’s Random Thought #2: Ash Was The Worst Pokemon Trainer….EVER.

You know, Ash wanted to train Pokemon. He wanted to be the best. Like no one ever was. That was his real test, and to train them was his cause. And yet….how many fucking Pokemon did he have? Six? THERE ARE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY OR MORE TO SEE! Not only did he only have six Pokemon, those things were little fuckers. Didn’t Charmander evolve and set him on fire like ten times? Didn’t his Squirtle give him a little “squirtle” in his shoes a few times? Don’t even get me started on that arrogant fuck Pikachu. Not only did that little yellow bastard not evolve into a Raichu, he was a total fuckstick about it. The little bastard wanted to stay a Pikachu forever, which pretty much makes him a molester like Michael Jackson when he hits his 40’s. He will have little Pikachu’s at his house drinking “Pika Punch” and sleeping in his Pokeball he makes them jangle HIS pokeballs. Now Zach brought up to me that it isn’t Ash’s fault because Pokemon keep repopulating and creating new species like…every season or so. Well, maybe it is time for some population control. The Indians did it with the buffalo and the White man did it with the Indians. Now the only time we see them are as mascots or in wrestling. Where they belong because I want muscles like Chief Wahoo McDaniel. His dumb ass couldn’t even catch a Psyduck:

There are four Psyduck’s just chilling at Target right now trying to figure out the difference between Hydrox and Oreos! You can catch one right now! Ash sucks. Worst Pokemon trainer since Mike Vick. Damn shame what those bulldogs did to that Ninetails. Should have stayed in the fucking ball!

Well, I am all out of thoughts for now. I am having the motions of the brain moving in ways that an idea is formed. Yes…..it will be awesome. Until I return, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out!