What is up ya’ll! First things first: T-MINUS 24 HOURS UNTIL GTA4!!! I preordered my copy on Saturday and I will pick it up Monday night. If you want to hit me up online, its Lo_Chachi. It is SO FUCKING GAME TIME! Havent been this excited about a video game since Mickey Mania:
One of the best Sega Genesis games ever! Just wanted to let the peeps know that I hadn’t forgotten about you all. As a matter of fact, I am working on another Omnibus about gaming that should be up on Wednesday morning or so. If you have any questions you want answered, let me know. All…two of them.
I was looking at the archives for a second and I saw this post from almost a year ago today. It was one of my favorites because I got the bulletin from Rick and felt that like him it needed a response. I wanted to see how much I have grown so this is the first of a two part post! The first part will be the original post, word for word. And here we go!
From April 25th, 2007: THIS Is Why Men Are Fucking Stupid
“MISTAKE #1: BeingToo Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?Of course you have.Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.What's going on here?It's actually very simple...Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.And guess what?Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you. I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT. Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.”
Okay, so you are basically saying that women want to be treated like crap? Well yeah, stupid women do. This guy is basically saying that women are attracted at the primal level. That there is no depth in terms of personality that women find attractive. If she is a total trollop whore, I can agree with that. The simple fact is no man starts off as a jerk. Some do, I have seen them and they do get women. But have you seen the women they get? They get women that EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT FROM A JERK! So this dude is really just saying that ‘dumb women get dumber guys’ which isn’t new. And neither is women dating jerks. Like I said, no man starts off as a jerk (at least from the information I have gathered and the relationships I have witnessed), he gradually senses that she has either become comfortable with his shit or has low enough self esteem to be treated like crap and accept it. I know, I have seen it and I have been there. As for not getting what I want because of being nice. I am not nice. Ask any woman that knows me and she will tell you. I am as abrasive and a fucking rusty chainsaw with a bad motor. Men who are jerks get women because those are the kind of guys those women are attracted to. Is it the majority? No. Are the majority of men jerks? And fucking how. Now if there are more women than men, and the majority of men are jerks…where do you think the odds lie? Come on, fucker numbers are more relevant than emotions. For a dickhole that speaks about ‘logic’ you cant use is with ‘emotion’. The two are parallel fucking lines and never intersect. Moron.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To"Convince Her To Like You
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, EVER.You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".Think about it.If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?But we all do it. When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea. One that will never work.”
Wow, I will admit I’ve been there. Never did I try to change myself; I changed my actions which was WORSE. When a woman isn’t interested in me but I am in her, I chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. It sucks, but it is fucking life. If she aint interested, let her go. I don’t agree with you because odds are you should know she aint interested from jump street. As a Communications Major we are taught to read non-verbals and I believe I read them well. I don’t CARE a lot of the times but I know signs of non-interest.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To HerFor Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission". Another HORRIBLE idea.Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.Don't get me wrong here.You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you. But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval. Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...”
Wow, this is funny. I could give a fuck about whether a woman thinks I am unfunny, abrasive, anti-social, mean, rude or an overall asshole. You know why? That’s me. Maybe this dude is just a sissy but I don’t ask for permission from ANY woman aside my mom. And that’s because she will cut me on general purpose. If it is something that is a unified decision then we compromise. I am grown and so is she. Asking for permission is asinine. The way I look at it, you shouldn’t have to ask permission because if you are together, you should be doing whatever it is you are asking together or the other party would understand the situation and be fine with the independence. An ex asked my permission about something and I asked her if she was twelve. We didn’t last long, but my point was made.“
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.Well guess what? It's only NATURAL when this happens...That's right, I said NATURAL.When you do these things, you send a clear message:"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.”
Heh, this is interesting. Women are ingrained to feel that they are being manipulated by men any-fucking-way so it is a Catch-22. Any woman that expects you to pay for her at all points (and Rick will tell you I have been there and we weren’t EVEN DATING) is a whore. You are, get over it. I pay because I want to. Hell, I pay for my male friends sometimes and that isn’t because I am ‘insecure about our relationship’. Its because it is the cool thing to do sometimes. Whoever is giving this insight got fucked over and is looking for a reason for why. Never look for a reason because closure on emotional situations (which dating/courting is) is different by situation. This person is blanketing a result of one situation and relaying it to a few similar situations, by doing so is trying to address all situations everyone will have this point forward. Good job, fucky.“
MISTAKE #5: Sharing"How You Feel" Too Early InThe Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.Attractive women are rare. And they get a LOT of attention from men. Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.And guess what?Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.They know what to expect.And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.There's a much better way...”
Okay, let me lay this down because I can say I have seen it a lot in my years. ALL women are approached by ALL TYPES of men. Except nice, jaded guys because we are under the assumption they will say no. First off, if a woman looks at a relationship as a power struggle of who shows their feelings first then she is a bitch and deserves to be treated poorly. I hate to say that but it is the same for men so shut the fuck up. If you are comfortable in telling the woman you have feelings for how you feel and she says ‘Gear down, big shifter’ that is normal. It takes time to figure out how you feel about someone (SOMETIMES LIKE 3 FUCKING YEARS). Any man that says that after two dates unless they have known each other for a while is either looking for tang, fucking insane or doesn’t FULLY mean it but sort of feels funny in pants when she is around. Maybe YOU said that after two dates and she ran, but you are obviously a fucktard.
“MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.But does the same apply for women?Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?Think about it.Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
*Sigh* What a fucking moron. There is nothing to “get” about attraction. It is special for each person which is why magazines suck so much ass. Women are attracted to different traits just like men are. Hell, some men think that women that curse are unattractive and I find that shit FUCKING HAWT. Some women find assholes attractive and that is fine and dandy like red vine candy. There is nothing to learn because it changes, just like human emotions do. To ‘learn’ emotions is pointless because once again, they are special for the individual. If you don’t have that factor in that person that makes you attractive to them then they may just not be the one for you. Shit, this isn’t Felicity where you can make Ben love you if he just realizes you are made for each other. Bullshit, love is what love is. It is unpredictable, has no rhyme or reason and for the most part is unknowing. You don’t learn love, you embrace it when it happens, you fuck.
“MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Looks are just as important to men as they are to women. As for money: Akon. That man is ugly as an Ugandan Yeti Raper and twice as stupid. Listen to him talk and he has very little redeeming about him but he gets women because he is rich and a percentage of women are fucking morons that want to fuck a celebrity. So it DOES take money and looks don’t let anyone fool you. It is whether that is the ONLY criteria that is at question. Like I stated in my rant about ‘What’s Wrong With Being Shallow’ there is nothing wrong with liking what you like. It is their own preference and who the hell am I to change them? However, the point is by being narrow-minded and judgmental they could be missing out on a very good person. It’s not up for you to decide. If they are interested, they will respond in turn or hell, they may go after you. I don’t speak from experience, women hate me. Even still, I may be ugly, but you are wrong.
“MISTAKE #8: Giving AwayAll Of Your Power To WomenEarlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.Another bad idea...Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!”
Wow, not only are you a fucktard but you are redundant. You must have been shocked by a car battery. You see, there is a difference between doing something to get a woman to like you and doing something because you want to. Women can perceive it however they want. Fuck them if they cant adjust because I know I wont be. There are men that get walked over because they want to be liked and there are men that do things for women because they like them. Subtle difference. Either way, it is all in how the woman perceives it. I cant force or change the way she thinks. If I did, she is weak-minded and I aint with that. If I open a door, pull out a chair and always pay and she respects that because she knows I care that’s one thing. However, if she EXPECTS that then the issue is hers. Now if you buy her gifts and do as she says in fear of losing her, not in the feeling of caring about her then you are indeed a ‘wussie’. I guess 1989 is back in effect. Besides, any woman that sees a relationship as a power struggle…shouldn’t be in a relationship.
“MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women Now I'm going to blow your mind...A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking. Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING. And you KNOW it.
The more I read, the more I realize that these are the people that create the need for The Revolution. The simple fact is that if women were better at reading body language and non-verbals, there would be more female world leaders. Yeah, I went there. Every comedian says that a woman knows exactly how a date is going to go and men are just along to connect the dots. If that is the case, fine. I really don’t care. If on my few interactions with women, if I made a wrong turn and didn’t kiss when I was supposed to (or did when I wasn’t. WOW those are funny) they you know what? Live and learn. If every woman had the exact same blueprint then there wouldn’t be date rape or no babies would be born. Women, JUST LIKE (some) MEN, are all different. At least I would hope so as much as you claim to be individuals. Women don’t always know what a man is thinking. You know why? Because the human mind has been a quandary since the dawn of time and to even SUGGEST that women have had the answer to brain waves and conceptualized thought with a brain one half the size of a mans (its science, look it up) is preposterous. You are just looking for tang by giving women too much credit. Or too LITTLE credit by saying they are simple creatures of habit and can be caught by shiny objects and following your stupid little steps. The human being is complex, men and women are both individuals and they should be treated as such, not lumped into a generic little box so you can explain your past shortfalls with the opposite sex.
“It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.”
Even if this last statement IS the case, I will reiterate that NO…WOMAN…IS…THE…SAME. To suggest so shows that you have learned NOTHING from your past experiences. I really am questioning the legitimacy of this article or whatever it is because it is completely stupid. In the end, women are attracted to who they are attracted to you. If you have to CONVINCE a woman to be attracted to you then you are a very, very sorry man and she is an even WORSE of a woman. If you present yourself and she says ‘Hey, this dude isn’t a total asshat’ and things go from there, that is the first step of getting to know someone.
After reading this whole thing over (My responses are in bold, if you can’t tell already) I realized that a lot about me has changed in a calendar year. I was shock about my answers being so…calm. Yes, calm. Tomorrow I will re-do this rant a year older, a year wiser and carrying a years worth of extra vex and anger at the same time. Until then, stay up and I will be back tomorrow evening. Stay tuned for part two!
Chachi Out.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Well, It Was Fun While It Lasted.
What is up peeps! It is Friday and it is time to see if history was made! We have the 20 biggest videos on tap on the…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with the group that could arguably be the biggest group of the spring!
20. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (New Entry)
The Roots are BACK! Their new album is out next Tuesday while they have a new video as well! I am feeling this a lot more than I am “Get Busy” but as usual it isn’t on BET or MTV rotations so this may be the only place you see it for now.
19. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (New Entry)
Alicia Keys’ fine self is BACK ON THE SCENE! I just saw this video today and I usually have a strict rule about Thursday being the cutoff date but I had to make an exception here. Alicia is fine as hell in this video and this song is one of my favorites on her album. Can she make it three straight number one videos? We will see!
18. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #15, Four Weeks at #1)
CRS’s run is almost over. It was a good six months (Almost. Damn it has been a while!) but they look to finally be falling off. With everyone returning (Including NERD, who has a weird ass song that I hope isn’t the first single) to the Countdown they weren’t gone THAT long.
17. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #13)
Hearts Grown falls a big four spots this week as they look to be spending their last weeks on the chart. Nothing new on the horizon, which is disappointing.
16. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #14)
The Boyz and their posse fall two spots this week as they continue to hold on to the bottom half of the Countdown. Not really feeling this song anymore now that Soulja Boy knows about it. Kind of ruins it.
15. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #17)
My guilty pleasure moves up two spots this week. Kind of still trying to hide the fact I love this song but…it isn’t working very well.
14. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
The Rebels fall out of the Top 10! It was a good run for Anahi and the gang but they couldn’t knock off Bennie K from the top. Where is the new stuff?!
13. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
One of the two big movers up the Countdown this week as Kelun moves up FIVE spots! The new intro to Bleach featuring “Chu-Bura” came out this week and after some soul searching about the situation and some motivating words from some people, maybe some filler is what the show needs. I am just excited for the next half of the arc to be animated. Even still, WHERE IS THE KELUN ALBUM?!
12. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #10)
After falling to take the top spot, Mihimaru GT continue their fall from the Top 10 as they move down two spots. Their new video is growing on me, but I still can’t find the movie in the clips. Any ideas or a little help here?
11. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
The second big mover this week! The J-R&B legend moves up five big spots as he is looking impressive for his first ever time on the Countdown! Dare I say….Misia could be my new baby boo because she can sing like a champ. I like ladies that can really sing….it’s a weakness.
10. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #9)
With a new video debuting, it looks like their earlier video is losing momentum. Here is hoping that Peedi Crack has some new material this year. I kind of like his stuff.
9. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #11)
Kanye officially has his SIXTH Top 10 video! His latest moves up two spots as he looks to get his third number one. This is probably my second favorite song on the “Graduation” album behind Stronger so it could be a big one for him.
8. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #6)
Miss Badu falls another two spots as her run looks to have slowed down. I heard she has a new single on the radio so a video should be soon after. Yay, me!
7. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #8)
Lupe moves up another spot this week as he looks to go two for two in 2008. I am really beginning to feel this video and it is getting a lot of airplay on the MTV Jams station that I have as background noise as I work from home.
6. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #4)
Yui falls two more spots after failing to unseat Bennie K (Running theme…) a few weeks back not she does have another video AND she may have the biggest album of 2008 thus far. Not to shabby.
5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #7)
Usher moves up two spots this week and rests in the Top Five this week. This song is pretty much everywhere and as stupid as it is….it’s fucking Usher. You can’t beat that with a baseball bat.
4. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #5)
The Arc moves up another spot this week as they look to take the throne once again. They just released an album in 2007 but I guess they heard my pleas and are working on another one as we speak. I could go for a Hyde solo album right now. We are down to three!
3. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #1, Seven Weeks at #1)
THE REIGN IS OVER!! After a mind-blowing SEVEN WEEKS at number one, Bennie K falls two spots this week! It is a shame since their greatest hits collection just came out but everyone falls sometime. So Yuki and Cico remain tied for the longest reigning number one video with UGK & Outkast. Not a bad gig if I say so myself. That means we have a new number one for the first time in two months!
2. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #3)
Yui moves up another spot this week as she looks for her elusive third number one video! With no Bennie K in the way she may be able to do just that. However, to do that she must knock off the group that took down the unstoppable force that was Bennie K.
1. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After two videos failed against UGK & Outkast, Foxxi MisQ finally captures the top spot! They knocked off the reigning champs of almost two months in Bennie K and now have their first seat on the throne that is the number one video of the week! It was a long journey but they finally did it! Being the first person since NaNa to hit number one without previously holding the top spot, they will soon learn that it is competitive to stay on top. Until then, Foxxi MisQ are the Queens of the Countdown!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if Foxxi MisQ can keep their run alive! Or will Yui FINALLY get her elusive third number one video? Or can Bennie K take the top spot back once again and hold the record for longest reigning number one video all alone? Tune in next week to find out!
I am out. I will be seeing “Harold & Kumar II” before all the bros see it to avoid me killing them. I will be back on Saturday as I believe I am going to D-Town so I can run the streets. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with the group that could arguably be the biggest group of the spring!
20. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (New Entry)
The Roots are BACK! Their new album is out next Tuesday while they have a new video as well! I am feeling this a lot more than I am “Get Busy” but as usual it isn’t on BET or MTV rotations so this may be the only place you see it for now.
19. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (New Entry)
Alicia Keys’ fine self is BACK ON THE SCENE! I just saw this video today and I usually have a strict rule about Thursday being the cutoff date but I had to make an exception here. Alicia is fine as hell in this video and this song is one of my favorites on her album. Can she make it three straight number one videos? We will see!
18. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #15, Four Weeks at #1)
CRS’s run is almost over. It was a good six months (Almost. Damn it has been a while!) but they look to finally be falling off. With everyone returning (Including NERD, who has a weird ass song that I hope isn’t the first single) to the Countdown they weren’t gone THAT long.
17. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #13)
Hearts Grown falls a big four spots this week as they look to be spending their last weeks on the chart. Nothing new on the horizon, which is disappointing.
16. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #14)
The Boyz and their posse fall two spots this week as they continue to hold on to the bottom half of the Countdown. Not really feeling this song anymore now that Soulja Boy knows about it. Kind of ruins it.
15. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #17)
My guilty pleasure moves up two spots this week. Kind of still trying to hide the fact I love this song but…it isn’t working very well.
14. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
The Rebels fall out of the Top 10! It was a good run for Anahi and the gang but they couldn’t knock off Bennie K from the top. Where is the new stuff?!
13. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
One of the two big movers up the Countdown this week as Kelun moves up FIVE spots! The new intro to Bleach featuring “Chu-Bura” came out this week and after some soul searching about the situation and some motivating words from some people, maybe some filler is what the show needs. I am just excited for the next half of the arc to be animated. Even still, WHERE IS THE KELUN ALBUM?!
12. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #10)
After falling to take the top spot, Mihimaru GT continue their fall from the Top 10 as they move down two spots. Their new video is growing on me, but I still can’t find the movie in the clips. Any ideas or a little help here?
11. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
The second big mover this week! The J-R&B legend moves up five big spots as he is looking impressive for his first ever time on the Countdown! Dare I say….Misia could be my new baby boo because she can sing like a champ. I like ladies that can really sing….it’s a weakness.
10. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #9)
With a new video debuting, it looks like their earlier video is losing momentum. Here is hoping that Peedi Crack has some new material this year. I kind of like his stuff.
9. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #11)
Kanye officially has his SIXTH Top 10 video! His latest moves up two spots as he looks to get his third number one. This is probably my second favorite song on the “Graduation” album behind Stronger so it could be a big one for him.
8. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #6)
Miss Badu falls another two spots as her run looks to have slowed down. I heard she has a new single on the radio so a video should be soon after. Yay, me!
7. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #8)
Lupe moves up another spot this week as he looks to go two for two in 2008. I am really beginning to feel this video and it is getting a lot of airplay on the MTV Jams station that I have as background noise as I work from home.
6. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #4)
Yui falls two more spots after failing to unseat Bennie K (Running theme…) a few weeks back not she does have another video AND she may have the biggest album of 2008 thus far. Not to shabby.
5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #7)
Usher moves up two spots this week and rests in the Top Five this week. This song is pretty much everywhere and as stupid as it is….it’s fucking Usher. You can’t beat that with a baseball bat.
4. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #5)
The Arc moves up another spot this week as they look to take the throne once again. They just released an album in 2007 but I guess they heard my pleas and are working on another one as we speak. I could go for a Hyde solo album right now. We are down to three!
3. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #1, Seven Weeks at #1)
THE REIGN IS OVER!! After a mind-blowing SEVEN WEEKS at number one, Bennie K falls two spots this week! It is a shame since their greatest hits collection just came out but everyone falls sometime. So Yuki and Cico remain tied for the longest reigning number one video with UGK & Outkast. Not a bad gig if I say so myself. That means we have a new number one for the first time in two months!
2. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #3)
Yui moves up another spot this week as she looks for her elusive third number one video! With no Bennie K in the way she may be able to do just that. However, to do that she must knock off the group that took down the unstoppable force that was Bennie K.
1. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After two videos failed against UGK & Outkast, Foxxi MisQ finally captures the top spot! They knocked off the reigning champs of almost two months in Bennie K and now have their first seat on the throne that is the number one video of the week! It was a long journey but they finally did it! Being the first person since NaNa to hit number one without previously holding the top spot, they will soon learn that it is competitive to stay on top. Until then, Foxxi MisQ are the Queens of the Countdown!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if Foxxi MisQ can keep their run alive! Or will Yui FINALLY get her elusive third number one video? Or can Bennie K take the top spot back once again and hold the record for longest reigning number one video all alone? Tune in next week to find out!
I am out. I will be seeing “Harold & Kumar II” before all the bros see it to avoid me killing them. I will be back on Saturday as I believe I am going to D-Town so I can run the streets. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Do Yaoi Really Wanna Hurt Me?
What is up, ya’ll? I am back on the scene less than 24 hours la
First off, if you haven’t read Bleach Chapter 318, DO SO! I mean if you dont mind your world rocked from spoliers. Gin Ichimaru is now officially FUCKING BAD ASS:
I am looking forward to him taking on Hitsugaya or (Be still...wait for it...) Yoruichi. Maybe even one of the Vizards. With that being said, I never thought I was going to do this but man after the minger battle that Zach is going through I have to say something.
YAOI IS FUCKING LAME.
I am not homophobic, if there is anyone more firmly in the closet I would like to meet said person. However, yaoi fans are the problem and they need to just stop acting like it is BETTER than other anime/manga and realize it is just an OPTION. It sucks (EEEEEWWWW....innuendo) just as much at other genres and has its perks....I guess. For those of you who are unfamiliar with yaoi, it is a genre of manga/anime about the emotional, romantic or (Oy vey) sexual storyline between male characters. Now I am not discriminating against yaoi in any way. I think to each their own whether it comes to your sexual orientation or your manga. I for one am a fan of shonen AND shojo (Look it up) so I try to keep an open mind about most genres. Hell, I listen to showtunes for Jebus’ sake. Nothing is more gay than that…at least according to stupid females and bros.
However, my issue with yaoi after listening to Zach’s issues with yaoi fans getting bees in their asses because people question not that they like it but WHY they like it I felt it was time to explain some shit. So now, it is time to bring something back like that old school rap. Speaking of old school rap:
Word. Back to the rant!
Today’s Topic: Reasons Why Yaoi Fans Need To Stop.
By the way, the reason I am not doing five reasons is that….there aren’t that many reasons. It kind of explains itself. And away we go!
Reason #1: Yaoi Fans Need To Stop Because….You Want To Be Taboo.
Follow me on this one. You see, it is a well known fact that people want to be out of the norm on somethings. Hell, I was into anime when all people thought about anime was tentacle porn. Remember the days when all the anime was next to the porn and the selection on non-pornographic anime was narrowed down to Akira, Macross, Robot Carnival and Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind? I do, and needless to say it SUCKED ASS. Now you see anime in everything from TV commercials to Madonna videos so it is no longer something that is exclusive to a certain set of people. So inside anime there were genres that were segmented to a certain set of fans. You have shounen-ai (Gravitation, which had a bomb ass soundtrack) and shojo (Fushigi Yūgi is a good example…as is SUPPOSEDLY Inuyasha. Sorry, bad memories) for must teenage aged fans while yaoi and yuri are for the adult crowd. Then you have hentai which is a different rant altogether but I will touch on that some.
After talking to anime fans at cons and the comic book/anime stores around Colorado I hear the exact same dialog about yaoi (And to their defense, yuri as well):
• “Yaoi is different than regular anime!”
• “The characters are deeper in yaoi!”
• “Yaoi has better writing and plots than most anime!”
• “It’s taboo!”
Hmm, those seem to be rather valid arguments. However, lets weigh this all together. Yaoi is no longer taboo or different than any other series out there. Now proir to, when homosexual themes were rarely seen in anime, I could see that statement as being true and someone wanting to see something different. Hell, I kind of got tired of giant robots and ninjas which is why I grasped to Ranma ½, El-Hazard (VERY underrated…if not totally confusing) and Ah! My Goddess like I did. The fact is that the most POPULAR anime series have elements of yaoi in them, stopping just short of actual sex because that would mean you couldn’t get it on Cartoon Network, even Adult Swim. Although with some of the stuff I have seen on Crayon Shin-Chan…maybe hardcore gay sex is the next logical step. Think about it, how many anime do you know of that either have implied or flat out mentioned yaoi overtones, just not the sexually explicit aspect of it?
• Bleach (Ichigo & Renji, Aizen & Gin)
• Naruto (Naruto & Sasuke…who are full-blown boyfriend and boyfriend at this point)
• Air Gear (Itsuki & Akito/Agito)
• Fushigi Yūgi (Tamahome & Kagato)
• Gravitation (Boy love abound!)
• Death Note (A reach, but everyone at Borders said L & Light had sexual tension. Riiight)
Therefore, much like the “metro sexual” craze made it “cool” to be gay, the mainstream anime is doing the same thing for yaoi. It is no longer taboo; it is actually accepted and in the case of Naruto encouraged. If them getting together will advance the manga I am all for it because the story is getting BORING. As for characters, I only have experience with one even remotely yaoi show/manga and that was Loveless. The characters in Loveless (from what I got out of the one episode I saw) were just like any other character in any other anime in terms of reluctant to accept their power/responsibility and totally angst ridden. The only difference is that rather than a female love interest, there was a male one. Oh gee, having a male love interest completely changes the story! No, it doesn’t. You make Ichigo a female and Bleach really doesn’t chance. The social elements will (The love of Orihime becomes yuri) but aside from that the character can still be just as deep without sexually explicit content of the man on man (or female on female) variety.
Final Analysis: Yaoi isn’t taboo anymore because homosexuality is very visible in anime as a whole. As a form of ENTERTAINMENT, you can get your male/male dynamic from the mainstream unless you are in it solely for the sexual content. Which is cool, but admit it rather than acting like watching two animated Japanese men in a sexual situation is “deep” or “better than regular anime.”
Reason #2: Yaoi Fans Need To Stop Because….It’s NOT Different Than Anime.
Now this one was tough to accept because I say the same about anime as a whole. From older men dating/marrying WAY YOUNGER women to the ridiculous amount of fan service (Matsumodo’s breasts are like sentient beings) I believe it gets rather pointless sometimes. With that being said, I am not a fan of hentai, which I believe goes WAY too far with the pedophilia…although in Japan the legal age for sex is…conception so it makes sense. From what I saw about Loveless, there was an age difference between the main characters that was rather significant. Now we see that in “straight” anime all the time (Sailor Moon) and I am not going to judge heterosexual pedophilia against homosexual pedophilia because both are bad. I want to use one of my favorite characters as an example. Toushiro Hitsugaya from Bleach is (VISUALLY) a young man and perceived to be a child of some sort, maybe 11-14 range depending on how you want to slice it. However, I have seen both hentai pictures of him with Matsumodo and yaoi pictures with Gin Ichimaru. Both are conceivably wrong but yaoi fans at the Borders DEFENDED the Gin pictures and called the Matsumodo pictures disgusting. News flash, people…
BOTH ARE FUCKING NASTY.
Now that is an extreme case, but the sentiment is the same. Just because it is yaoi doesn’t make it any better (or worse) than its non-yaoi anime counterpart. Saying that a plotline or a character is better just because it is a male/male dynamic is like saying that the White remakes of Black songs in the 50’s were better because White people redid them. Or vice versa in Diddy’s case but he takes hits from the 80’s and makes them sound so crazy. Yaoi is a genre of anime much like sentai is a genre of anime (And live action TV. For those of you that DON’T know what that means…
Man, I wish I could find the “Red Ranger Forever” episode of Power Rangers. That was the greatest episode ever. Anyway, yaoi is a genre of anime that isn’t any better or worse than any other sub-set. My issue is when they say “Well if you don’t like it I don’t care and something is wrong with you because you are homophobic! Don’t Judge me!” It isn’t about judging yaoi or judging you. It is about choice. I choose not to watch yaoi because from what I have seen, I am not a fan. I don’t watch anime for sexual content, I watch it for entertainment (Which porn is, but not that kind of entertainment so to speak) and if you read/watch yaoi for the same then that is fine. Call it what it is. With that being said, I understand why some people may have preconceived notions about anime and I am prepared for that. However, my reasons for watching anime are clearly defined yet in my experience I have yet to meet someone that has given me a clear answer of why they like yaoi for the male/male dynamic but they are not gay.
Now watching yuri doesn’t make you a lesbian and watching shojo or hentai doesn’t make you straight. However, yaoi is almost solely based on the aspect of male/male relationships and interactions so in essence it would be considered a “gay” medium. Same with yuri and a female/female dynamic. However, just watching an anime with a male couple or a female couple doesn’t make you gay as much as watching an anime with a male/female couple doesn’t make you straight. However, like I mentioned before: yaoi at its core is based of homosexual themes and since homosexual themes are all over anime if you go to yaoi for your fix then that is okay, but just admit that you like dude on dude lovin.
Now people will say that I am being homophobic which is laughable because no one is gayer than I. I make George Michael look butch. I kid, I am actually straight and I am not a fan of the yaoi or the yuri I have seen. If you are that is fine but just because you like it doesn’t mean I have to like it or I have to embrace your enjoyment of it because from what I have seen the genres aren’t entertaining. Hell, homosexual relationships are all over the comic book and anime world to the point that if you have a sub-set genre it is specifically for a market….at least that’s how I see it logically. Those of you that say that regular mediums don’t include gay themes are incorrect. Think about this: there is currently a comic book called The Authority that I have been reading for over 5 years. The leader of the team (Apollo) and one of its strongest and most popular members (Midnighter) are a couple and they are both men. Quite simply, they are boyfriend and boyfriend. Not only are they a gay couple, THEY HAVE AN ADOPTED CHILD TOGETHER! How is THAT for progressive? If male/male interaction is what you are looking for in a storyline, it is already in popular comics and manga (See Sasuke and Naruto. C’mon, they are so gay!) so to read yaoi for the reason that the themes are non-existent in other books is false. Therefore, you are either reading it because you are gay or because you want to be edgy.
In the end, I honestly believe to each their own within the guidelines of the law. That being said, I understand that not everyone (See: NO ONE) likes what I like and I don’t see them as being close-minded as much as I say “well, you are missing out” because in my opinion they are. I don’t see them as being judgmental or insensitive because they like things that I may not. Just make sure that if you like something that is seen as unpopular or in some cases pointless (Like I feel about most if not all yaoi & yuri) that you have a good reason why if you want to challenge others about why they DON’T feel you should constantly talk about how great and different it is. When it isn’t.
That is all for now. I will try to be back up on Thursday but no guarantees because I am going out drinking a bit tomorrow. New job fools! Until next time stay up. And no dudes settling down! Unless it is Bi or Zac Efron and it is with me.
Chachi Out!
First off, if you haven’t read Bleach Chapter 318, DO SO! I mean if you dont mind your world rocked from spoliers. Gin Ichimaru is now officially FUCKING BAD ASS:
I am looking forward to him taking on Hitsugaya or (Be still...wait for it...) Yoruichi. Maybe even one of the Vizards. With that being said, I never thought I was going to do this but man after the minger battle that Zach is going through I have to say something.
YAOI IS FUCKING LAME.
I am not homophobic, if there is anyone more firmly in the closet I would like to meet said person. However, yaoi fans are the problem and they need to just stop acting like it is BETTER than other anime/manga and realize it is just an OPTION. It sucks (EEEEEWWWW....innuendo) just as much at other genres and has its perks....I guess. For those of you who are unfamiliar with yaoi, it is a genre of manga/anime about the emotional, romantic or (Oy vey) sexual storyline between male characters. Now I am not discriminating against yaoi in any way. I think to each their own whether it comes to your sexual orientation or your manga. I for one am a fan of shonen AND shojo (Look it up) so I try to keep an open mind about most genres. Hell, I listen to showtunes for Jebus’ sake. Nothing is more gay than that…at least according to stupid females and bros.
However, my issue with yaoi after listening to Zach’s issues with yaoi fans getting bees in their asses because people question not that they like it but WHY they like it I felt it was time to explain some shit. So now, it is time to bring something back like that old school rap. Speaking of old school rap:
Word. Back to the rant!
Today’s Topic: Reasons Why Yaoi Fans Need To Stop.
By the way, the reason I am not doing five reasons is that….there aren’t that many reasons. It kind of explains itself. And away we go!
Reason #1: Yaoi Fans Need To Stop Because….You Want To Be Taboo.
Follow me on this one. You see, it is a well known fact that people want to be out of the norm on somethings. Hell, I was into anime when all people thought about anime was tentacle porn. Remember the days when all the anime was next to the porn and the selection on non-pornographic anime was narrowed down to Akira, Macross, Robot Carnival and Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind? I do, and needless to say it SUCKED ASS. Now you see anime in everything from TV commercials to Madonna videos so it is no longer something that is exclusive to a certain set of people. So inside anime there were genres that were segmented to a certain set of fans. You have shounen-ai (Gravitation, which had a bomb ass soundtrack) and shojo (Fushigi Yūgi is a good example…as is SUPPOSEDLY Inuyasha. Sorry, bad memories) for must teenage aged fans while yaoi and yuri are for the adult crowd. Then you have hentai which is a different rant altogether but I will touch on that some.
After talking to anime fans at cons and the comic book/anime stores around Colorado I hear the exact same dialog about yaoi (And to their defense, yuri as well):
• “Yaoi is different than regular anime!”
• “The characters are deeper in yaoi!”
• “Yaoi has better writing and plots than most anime!”
• “It’s taboo!”
Hmm, those seem to be rather valid arguments. However, lets weigh this all together. Yaoi is no longer taboo or different than any other series out there. Now proir to, when homosexual themes were rarely seen in anime, I could see that statement as being true and someone wanting to see something different. Hell, I kind of got tired of giant robots and ninjas which is why I grasped to Ranma ½, El-Hazard (VERY underrated…if not totally confusing) and Ah! My Goddess like I did. The fact is that the most POPULAR anime series have elements of yaoi in them, stopping just short of actual sex because that would mean you couldn’t get it on Cartoon Network, even Adult Swim. Although with some of the stuff I have seen on Crayon Shin-Chan…maybe hardcore gay sex is the next logical step. Think about it, how many anime do you know of that either have implied or flat out mentioned yaoi overtones, just not the sexually explicit aspect of it?
• Bleach (Ichigo & Renji, Aizen & Gin)
• Naruto (Naruto & Sasuke…who are full-blown boyfriend and boyfriend at this point)
• Air Gear (Itsuki & Akito/Agito)
• Fushigi Yūgi (Tamahome & Kagato)
• Gravitation (Boy love abound!)
• Death Note (A reach, but everyone at Borders said L & Light had sexual tension. Riiight)
Therefore, much like the “metro sexual” craze made it “cool” to be gay, the mainstream anime is doing the same thing for yaoi. It is no longer taboo; it is actually accepted and in the case of Naruto encouraged. If them getting together will advance the manga I am all for it because the story is getting BORING. As for characters, I only have experience with one even remotely yaoi show/manga and that was Loveless. The characters in Loveless (from what I got out of the one episode I saw) were just like any other character in any other anime in terms of reluctant to accept their power/responsibility and totally angst ridden. The only difference is that rather than a female love interest, there was a male one. Oh gee, having a male love interest completely changes the story! No, it doesn’t. You make Ichigo a female and Bleach really doesn’t chance. The social elements will (The love of Orihime becomes yuri) but aside from that the character can still be just as deep without sexually explicit content of the man on man (or female on female) variety.
Final Analysis: Yaoi isn’t taboo anymore because homosexuality is very visible in anime as a whole. As a form of ENTERTAINMENT, you can get your male/male dynamic from the mainstream unless you are in it solely for the sexual content. Which is cool, but admit it rather than acting like watching two animated Japanese men in a sexual situation is “deep” or “better than regular anime.”
Reason #2: Yaoi Fans Need To Stop Because….It’s NOT Different Than Anime.
Now this one was tough to accept because I say the same about anime as a whole. From older men dating/marrying WAY YOUNGER women to the ridiculous amount of fan service (Matsumodo’s breasts are like sentient beings) I believe it gets rather pointless sometimes. With that being said, I am not a fan of hentai, which I believe goes WAY too far with the pedophilia…although in Japan the legal age for sex is…conception so it makes sense. From what I saw about Loveless, there was an age difference between the main characters that was rather significant. Now we see that in “straight” anime all the time (Sailor Moon) and I am not going to judge heterosexual pedophilia against homosexual pedophilia because both are bad. I want to use one of my favorite characters as an example. Toushiro Hitsugaya from Bleach is (VISUALLY) a young man and perceived to be a child of some sort, maybe 11-14 range depending on how you want to slice it. However, I have seen both hentai pictures of him with Matsumodo and yaoi pictures with Gin Ichimaru. Both are conceivably wrong but yaoi fans at the Borders DEFENDED the Gin pictures and called the Matsumodo pictures disgusting. News flash, people…
BOTH ARE FUCKING NASTY.
Now that is an extreme case, but the sentiment is the same. Just because it is yaoi doesn’t make it any better (or worse) than its non-yaoi anime counterpart. Saying that a plotline or a character is better just because it is a male/male dynamic is like saying that the White remakes of Black songs in the 50’s were better because White people redid them. Or vice versa in Diddy’s case but he takes hits from the 80’s and makes them sound so crazy. Yaoi is a genre of anime much like sentai is a genre of anime (And live action TV. For those of you that DON’T know what that means…
Man, I wish I could find the “Red Ranger Forever” episode of Power Rangers. That was the greatest episode ever. Anyway, yaoi is a genre of anime that isn’t any better or worse than any other sub-set. My issue is when they say “Well if you don’t like it I don’t care and something is wrong with you because you are homophobic! Don’t Judge me!” It isn’t about judging yaoi or judging you. It is about choice. I choose not to watch yaoi because from what I have seen, I am not a fan. I don’t watch anime for sexual content, I watch it for entertainment (Which porn is, but not that kind of entertainment so to speak) and if you read/watch yaoi for the same then that is fine. Call it what it is. With that being said, I understand why some people may have preconceived notions about anime and I am prepared for that. However, my reasons for watching anime are clearly defined yet in my experience I have yet to meet someone that has given me a clear answer of why they like yaoi for the male/male dynamic but they are not gay.
Now watching yuri doesn’t make you a lesbian and watching shojo or hentai doesn’t make you straight. However, yaoi is almost solely based on the aspect of male/male relationships and interactions so in essence it would be considered a “gay” medium. Same with yuri and a female/female dynamic. However, just watching an anime with a male couple or a female couple doesn’t make you gay as much as watching an anime with a male/female couple doesn’t make you straight. However, like I mentioned before: yaoi at its core is based of homosexual themes and since homosexual themes are all over anime if you go to yaoi for your fix then that is okay, but just admit that you like dude on dude lovin.
Now people will say that I am being homophobic which is laughable because no one is gayer than I. I make George Michael look butch. I kid, I am actually straight and I am not a fan of the yaoi or the yuri I have seen. If you are that is fine but just because you like it doesn’t mean I have to like it or I have to embrace your enjoyment of it because from what I have seen the genres aren’t entertaining. Hell, homosexual relationships are all over the comic book and anime world to the point that if you have a sub-set genre it is specifically for a market….at least that’s how I see it logically. Those of you that say that regular mediums don’t include gay themes are incorrect. Think about this: there is currently a comic book called The Authority that I have been reading for over 5 years. The leader of the team (Apollo) and one of its strongest and most popular members (Midnighter) are a couple and they are both men. Quite simply, they are boyfriend and boyfriend. Not only are they a gay couple, THEY HAVE AN ADOPTED CHILD TOGETHER! How is THAT for progressive? If male/male interaction is what you are looking for in a storyline, it is already in popular comics and manga (See Sasuke and Naruto. C’mon, they are so gay!) so to read yaoi for the reason that the themes are non-existent in other books is false. Therefore, you are either reading it because you are gay or because you want to be edgy.
In the end, I honestly believe to each their own within the guidelines of the law. That being said, I understand that not everyone (See: NO ONE) likes what I like and I don’t see them as being close-minded as much as I say “well, you are missing out” because in my opinion they are. I don’t see them as being judgmental or insensitive because they like things that I may not. Just make sure that if you like something that is seen as unpopular or in some cases pointless (Like I feel about most if not all yaoi & yuri) that you have a good reason why if you want to challenge others about why they DON’T feel you should constantly talk about how great and different it is. When it isn’t.
That is all for now. I will try to be back up on Thursday but no guarantees because I am going out drinking a bit tomorrow. New job fools! Until next time stay up. And no dudes settling down! Unless it is Bi or Zac Efron and it is with me.
Chachi Out!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Let's All Go To The Lobby....
Hey, ya’ll! I am back for and you know it! So I have been parusing the internet for the last few hours because I hate working and I have been looking up the summer blockbusters. So today, I bring to you a little something something to get you ready for the heat! So I give to you….
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Summer Movie Spectac-a-ganza!
How do you like that? Pretty damn bad ass, right? Anyway, I am only focusing on the GOOD movies so these films will not be previewed:
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Why?: Because Jesus always has been and always will be “teh suck.” That and I think those fucking kids should have been eaten by the lion in the first one. That would have ruled.
Sex In The City: The Movie
Why?: Because Horseface Parker and the Old Bitch Three had a shitty show and it will make a shitty movie. The only good movie based on a TV show was “The Simpsons Movie” and to a lesser extent, “Tiny Toons Summer Vacation.”
The Happening
Why?: It’s M Night Shyamalan. That in itself is enough to make me never want to see that shitfest.
Speed Racer
Why?: Because not even Bi can save this movie. Just looking at it makes me think of Wipeout for the original Playstation:
Great if you are playing a video game. Not for one of the original and trendsetting anime of all time.
There are some other suckier movies but I will not give them the time of day but you know who you are. Pretty much anything with Colin Farrell. So let’s get this bad boy started!
Iron Man
Release Date: May 2nd, 2008
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Terrance Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Why It Could Rule: First off, it has Robert Downey Jr. in it and he is a fucking hawtie and you know it. Secondly, it takes maybe the most marketable and movie ready character not named Green Lantern or Thor and gives it a pretty good polish. The armor design is the best I have ever seen (It puts Transformers to shame and I will admit that the Autobots and Decepticons were well done) and the animation of the suit itself looks excellent so far. Add in Iron Monger, who looks VERY imposing as a villain although The Mandarin would have been better (Always there for the sequel) and you have a very good set of ground work. The cast is chock full of great acting chops from Terrance Howard (Who will hopefully become War Machine in this or the sequel) and Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stone so just in terms of name it looks to have “Batman Begins” quality of acting. The plot seems feasible which is a stretch for a comic book movie but all of the events seem probable. All in all, it is a good framework for a comic book blockbuster.
Why It Could Suck: Iron Man is marketable in terms of a deep character (Tony Stark, the greatest drunk since Frank Sinatra) and an interesting set of tech that SCREAMS cross-promotion. However, Iron Man also has the least room for error when it comes to plot. This movie isn’t in the position of X-Men or Spiderman where you could mix camp with over the top action. When it all breaks down, the concept of Iron Man is like the concept of Batman except with better toys. At the core it is a man that wants to protect the people around him so they gather the abilities (Whether physically or technological) to do so and in the end become heroes. This movie has to have a spot on plot and correct pacing or it could fall into The Hulk trap of being long and non-linear. It could fall into the Spiderman 3 problem of being too much in the extremes (It was either over the top emo or borderline Benny Hill campiness) of the character of Tony Stark. Not only that, Iron Man has nowhere near the following that the other Marvel movies have had (But more so than Daredevil and Ghost Rider) so people are watching this solely on the armor and the performance of the characters so both have to be on point.
Overall Preview Grade: 8.5 Out of 10 Stars
(Iron Man has probably the least margin of error of all the blockbusters this summer, especially the bevy of comic book movies being released. It also has the largest upside because it can appeal to more markets than the rest of the movies being released. Aside from Wall-e, this could end up being the biggest movie of the summer or the biggest bomb. The margin is that slim.)
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Skull Crystal
Release Date: May 22nd, 2008
Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LeBeouf, Cate Blanchett
Why It Could Rule: It’s MOTHERFUCKING INDIANA JONES!! It has been over 15 years since the last movie was released and it was not a fitting end in my honest opinion. So Indy returns on another adventure and from what the trailers have shown not only has it kept the feel of the original it has taken very well to the sands of time. Harrison Ford looks like he started filming the next day after the last day of “The Last Crusade” and the CGI and sets look up to par with anything that has been released recently such as 10,000 BC or Beowulf. The movie has pulled in a very capable cast to go along with what seems to be a very adventurous film.
Why It Could Suck: You know, I think this movie could fall into the “Bad Boys II Trap.” That means that this movie could be SO over the top that it actually gets annoying to watch. We all remember how Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invaded Cuba. Let alone the international incident that would have caused, the last 20 minutes of that movie was so overdone that I kind of tuned out. This movie COULD do the exact same thing. Anything with George Lucas involved will have an element of suck that can’t be denied, as well. I am rather sick of Shia as well, but that is another post.
Overall Preview Grade: 8 Out of 10 Stars
(This movie is probably the safest bet of all the summer blockbusters not part of the Chronicles of Narnia ump-tilogy. This movie will be a hit based on nostalgia alone but there is a really high chance for an overblown sequel in the vein of…all three of the last Star Wars films. Don’t put it past George Lucas to put an Ewok or two in here)
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Release Date: June 6th, 2008
Starring: Adam Sandler….yeah, I don’t like where this is heading.
Why It Could Rule: Well, after Big Daddy I am willing to give Adam Sandler a CHANCE in comedies starring only him. I have learned to not do that, but this looks like it could be funnier than usual. In no way the funniest movie of the summer but by golly it will be the most original. It is your standard not to overpowering but good for an off-week between blockbusters comedy.
Why It Could Suck: Did you SEE the trailer? This is like Soul Plane for Jews. Or something, I don’t know anymore. It just doesn’t look “summer funny” like Superbad or 40 Year Old Virgin. Hell, it isn’t even Bruce Almighty funny. It looks to be a good mid-day viewing but I am not paying full price for a half-assed comedy.
Overall Preview Grade: 6 Out of 10 Stars
(This is in no way going to be great but it isn’t going to be HORRIBLE. However with a summer of no less that 5 legitimate blockbusters this doesn’t look like it has what it takes to compete with the others. Maybe the fourth best comedy of the summer….MAYBE)
The Incredible Hulk
Release Date: June 13th, 2008
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth
Why It Could Rule: Just by the fact that Ang Lee isn’t on the same continent makes it automatically better. This version of the Hulk is actually based off the TV show which means that it puts it in a different category altogether. Rather than the tragic and misunderstood monster, HULK SMASH! But feel emotion. The Hulk actually looks more streamlined and The Abomination is a formidable foe, albeit not as cool as Iron Monger. The cast is….interesting as Edward Norton to me seems more a fit for Reed Richards than Bruce Banner but that is just me. The plot seems to be more of a fit than the Ang Lee one and from the trailers it looks like an awesome chase film. Like The Hulk meets The Bourne Trilogy.
Why It Could Suck: The Hulk is still fresh in my mind as one of the most BORING comic book movies ever. I mean seriously, it was bad. Aside from the impressive visuals (Which have been blown away tenfold since in other movies) there was no redeeming quality about that movie. With that being said, it is very easy to fuck up a Hulk movie because every second he ISNT smashing something is a wasted second as far as I am concerned. Revamping the origin (I believe) isn’t a good move because they could have kept the ending and just began the chase from there giving prime time to wreck shop. By reinventing the origin they kill a lot of action and that will tune off a lot of people. Also, I really don’t think Liv Tyler should be allowed to be in movies. At all.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(Now this could go up to about a 9 depending on how well they can redo the origin and incorporate that into an action packed movie but I don’t see it getting any higher unless it completely blows the doors off the theater with its awesomeness. This movie has to work HARD to wash the taste of the first one out as well as compete with three better comic book movies IMHO)
Get Smart
Release Date: June 20th, 2008
Starring: Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson
Why It Could Rule: There is a lot of summertime action power here in The Rock and Steve Carrell. Steve has proven that he can be funny with the worst material (Evan Almighty) but he hasn’t really been in a comedic action role. Luckily he has The Rock to bail him out who is a master at this kind of thing. Although it is a remake (WHICH I HATE) it still has Anne Hathaway and her fine self in the movie so it has its perks already.
Why It Could Suck: You know, it just doesn’t look all that funny. It is supposed to be action packed and I hope it is because Get Smart by itself doesn’t stand alone as a movie. Even with the star power it has, I don’t see this movie being up there with some of the other films coming out.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(This is a movie that will be a good break after The Incredible Hulk but in the end will get lost in the shuffle. Remakes are always hard to make good and this will be no exception. That and I am still pissed about Bewitched)
Wanted
Release Date: June 27th, 2008
Starring: James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Common
Why It Could Rule: This movie is based off a little know comic by the same name which gives it a leg up on the competition because no one is MENTIONING IT. I believe that is what killed some of the awesomeness that was Sin City because it was hyped as a graphic novel and that type of storytelling needs to be worked into a movie in a way that the normals can get. This is being hyped like a Bourne meets Mission Impossible movie which will help out a lot. The strongest part of this movie is the cast. Aside from the mis-casting of Angelina Jolie as the main female (She was Black in the comic) all the characters fit their roles perfectly. The plot is (For the most part) lifted straight from the comic which RULED and was built for the big screen, rather than taking characters and building a plot for the masses.
Why It Could Suck: A movie about a hitman has a lot of bad points. Mainly the “hero” is a murderer and people frown upon that. Secondly, the action looks a tad bit Matrix-y and that doesn’t fit the comic book and may give a wannabe Neo feel to the movie. Also, the film has been hyped but nowhere near its competition which will put it at a disagvantage. Angelina Jolie’s jubblies are not enough to sell a movie. See: Beowulf.
Overall Preview Grade: 7.5 Out of 10 Stars
(This could end up being a sleeper hit but for the most part it looks to be an average action movie. I don’t see this pulling a Live Free or Die Hard and just rocking my face off but it should be a good watch. Overall, it looks like it will be above average but I could be wrong)
Hellboy II AKA Hellboy & The Golden Army
Release Date: July 11th, 2008
Starring: Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair
Why It Could Rule: Now I am a bit biased because I liked the original Hellboy but after seeing the trailer for this movie before The Forbidden Kingdom I can say flat out that this will be the most visually stimulating movie of 2008. HANDS DOWN. Guillermo Del Toro has helped in creating a visual world that fits what Hellboy would actually be in. The plot is straight from the books (I believe) and the atmosphere seems to match that. My god, it looks BEAUTIFUL. The scenery goes from majestic to downright creepy and it fits to a tee. I felt that the first Hellboy was out of its element and looks kind of hokey although I like the plot and it actually had some good character development. Overall, I believe that the atmosphere and the douche of a villain (We are talking at Sephiroth levels here) make this a sure hit…hopefully.
Why It Could Suck: The first Hellboy did WELL, but not as well as the comic book movies before it. I personally feel the criticisms were unfair but true. The movie was out of its element as it tried to integrate a full fantasy world into a real life setting and in some cases it worked very well (plot-wise) but in others it did not (Visually, it looked out of place). Some will find the locals and backdrops very Pan’s Labyrinth-like and that movie itself was an acquired taste as well. Quite simple, Hellboy 2 isn’t a mass market comic book movie and that will hurt it.
Overall Preview Grade: 9 Out of 10 Stars
(I am aiming high with this movie but I believe that this grade will be well worth it. I think this will be the best movie of the summer overall in terms of visuals, plot, action and substance but I fell most people will either be scared or turned off but the characters which are the standard hot fare that the summer brings. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!)
The Dark Knight
Release Date: July 18th, 2008
Starring: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman (You know what, let’s just give this movie 15 stars and call it a year)
Why It WILL Rule: Did you see the cast? Read it again….I’ll wait. You see that? This movie is badass on the actors alone. Heath Ledger has The Joker NAILED in the trailers while we get to look more into the Batman mythos in this film. The addition of Twoface (MAYBE) in Aaron Eckhart as a villain follows in the Batman vein and means that this will be fucking awesome. The tech has stepped it up big time while the retelling of The Joker origin is enough by itself to see this movie. As great as Batman Begins was, this movie will blow that out of the water.
How It COULD Suck: Expectations of this movie are high. VERY HIGH. After Superman Returns (Which I liked….when I was awake) did blow fans away like Batman Begins did, The Dark Knight is the measuring stick on whether a JLA movie will be made because that is the only place left to go. People are not obly expecting a great comic book movie but a great movie in general and that is hard praise to live up to. This could either be The Empire Strikes Back where it redefines the genre as a whole or it could be The Matrix Reloaded and be a disappointment to us all. Just not me.
Overall Preview Grade: 10 Out of 10 Stars
(Yes, you knew that was coming. But in all honesty there is almost NO WAY this movie could be bad if you have even the slightest care about Batman or movies in general. From the look and feel of Gotham to the performances of the actors so far to even the plot itself. This movie has the pieces to be the best movie of not only 2008, but the best sequel EVER. Yes, I went there)
There are some more movies to cover like Wall-e (Which I think will be the biggest movie of the summer because of its rating), Hancock, Pineapple Express, X-Files 2 and Meet Dave and I will go over them probably next week if not next Sunday before the release of IRON MAN! Got, that movie is going to rule. This summer I will be at your local movie house pretty much every Friday and Denver every Saturday at a Rockies game. It will be summertime…in the CSP:
Heh, I kicks it old school. I will try to be back in the middle of the week (Wednesday or Thursday before the Countdown) with a new post. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Summer Movie Spectac-a-ganza!
How do you like that? Pretty damn bad ass, right? Anyway, I am only focusing on the GOOD movies so these films will not be previewed:
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Why?: Because Jesus always has been and always will be “teh suck.” That and I think those fucking kids should have been eaten by the lion in the first one. That would have ruled.
Sex In The City: The Movie
Why?: Because Horseface Parker and the Old Bitch Three had a shitty show and it will make a shitty movie. The only good movie based on a TV show was “The Simpsons Movie” and to a lesser extent, “Tiny Toons Summer Vacation.”
The Happening
Why?: It’s M Night Shyamalan. That in itself is enough to make me never want to see that shitfest.
Speed Racer
Why?: Because not even Bi can save this movie. Just looking at it makes me think of Wipeout for the original Playstation:
Great if you are playing a video game. Not for one of the original and trendsetting anime of all time.
There are some other suckier movies but I will not give them the time of day but you know who you are. Pretty much anything with Colin Farrell. So let’s get this bad boy started!
Iron Man
Release Date: May 2nd, 2008
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Terrance Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Why It Could Rule: First off, it has Robert Downey Jr. in it and he is a fucking hawtie and you know it. Secondly, it takes maybe the most marketable and movie ready character not named Green Lantern or Thor and gives it a pretty good polish. The armor design is the best I have ever seen (It puts Transformers to shame and I will admit that the Autobots and Decepticons were well done) and the animation of the suit itself looks excellent so far. Add in Iron Monger, who looks VERY imposing as a villain although The Mandarin would have been better (Always there for the sequel) and you have a very good set of ground work. The cast is chock full of great acting chops from Terrance Howard (Who will hopefully become War Machine in this or the sequel) and Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stone so just in terms of name it looks to have “Batman Begins” quality of acting. The plot seems feasible which is a stretch for a comic book movie but all of the events seem probable. All in all, it is a good framework for a comic book blockbuster.
Why It Could Suck: Iron Man is marketable in terms of a deep character (Tony Stark, the greatest drunk since Frank Sinatra) and an interesting set of tech that SCREAMS cross-promotion. However, Iron Man also has the least room for error when it comes to plot. This movie isn’t in the position of X-Men or Spiderman where you could mix camp with over the top action. When it all breaks down, the concept of Iron Man is like the concept of Batman except with better toys. At the core it is a man that wants to protect the people around him so they gather the abilities (Whether physically or technological) to do so and in the end become heroes. This movie has to have a spot on plot and correct pacing or it could fall into The Hulk trap of being long and non-linear. It could fall into the Spiderman 3 problem of being too much in the extremes (It was either over the top emo or borderline Benny Hill campiness) of the character of Tony Stark. Not only that, Iron Man has nowhere near the following that the other Marvel movies have had (But more so than Daredevil and Ghost Rider) so people are watching this solely on the armor and the performance of the characters so both have to be on point.
Overall Preview Grade: 8.5 Out of 10 Stars
(Iron Man has probably the least margin of error of all the blockbusters this summer, especially the bevy of comic book movies being released. It also has the largest upside because it can appeal to more markets than the rest of the movies being released. Aside from Wall-e, this could end up being the biggest movie of the summer or the biggest bomb. The margin is that slim.)
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Skull Crystal
Release Date: May 22nd, 2008
Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LeBeouf, Cate Blanchett
Why It Could Rule: It’s MOTHERFUCKING INDIANA JONES!! It has been over 15 years since the last movie was released and it was not a fitting end in my honest opinion. So Indy returns on another adventure and from what the trailers have shown not only has it kept the feel of the original it has taken very well to the sands of time. Harrison Ford looks like he started filming the next day after the last day of “The Last Crusade” and the CGI and sets look up to par with anything that has been released recently such as 10,000 BC or Beowulf. The movie has pulled in a very capable cast to go along with what seems to be a very adventurous film.
Why It Could Suck: You know, I think this movie could fall into the “Bad Boys II Trap.” That means that this movie could be SO over the top that it actually gets annoying to watch. We all remember how Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invaded Cuba. Let alone the international incident that would have caused, the last 20 minutes of that movie was so overdone that I kind of tuned out. This movie COULD do the exact same thing. Anything with George Lucas involved will have an element of suck that can’t be denied, as well. I am rather sick of Shia as well, but that is another post.
Overall Preview Grade: 8 Out of 10 Stars
(This movie is probably the safest bet of all the summer blockbusters not part of the Chronicles of Narnia ump-tilogy. This movie will be a hit based on nostalgia alone but there is a really high chance for an overblown sequel in the vein of…all three of the last Star Wars films. Don’t put it past George Lucas to put an Ewok or two in here)
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Release Date: June 6th, 2008
Starring: Adam Sandler….yeah, I don’t like where this is heading.
Why It Could Rule: Well, after Big Daddy I am willing to give Adam Sandler a CHANCE in comedies starring only him. I have learned to not do that, but this looks like it could be funnier than usual. In no way the funniest movie of the summer but by golly it will be the most original. It is your standard not to overpowering but good for an off-week between blockbusters comedy.
Why It Could Suck: Did you SEE the trailer? This is like Soul Plane for Jews. Or something, I don’t know anymore. It just doesn’t look “summer funny” like Superbad or 40 Year Old Virgin. Hell, it isn’t even Bruce Almighty funny. It looks to be a good mid-day viewing but I am not paying full price for a half-assed comedy.
Overall Preview Grade: 6 Out of 10 Stars
(This is in no way going to be great but it isn’t going to be HORRIBLE. However with a summer of no less that 5 legitimate blockbusters this doesn’t look like it has what it takes to compete with the others. Maybe the fourth best comedy of the summer….MAYBE)
The Incredible Hulk
Release Date: June 13th, 2008
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth
Why It Could Rule: Just by the fact that Ang Lee isn’t on the same continent makes it automatically better. This version of the Hulk is actually based off the TV show which means that it puts it in a different category altogether. Rather than the tragic and misunderstood monster, HULK SMASH! But feel emotion. The Hulk actually looks more streamlined and The Abomination is a formidable foe, albeit not as cool as Iron Monger. The cast is….interesting as Edward Norton to me seems more a fit for Reed Richards than Bruce Banner but that is just me. The plot seems to be more of a fit than the Ang Lee one and from the trailers it looks like an awesome chase film. Like The Hulk meets The Bourne Trilogy.
Why It Could Suck: The Hulk is still fresh in my mind as one of the most BORING comic book movies ever. I mean seriously, it was bad. Aside from the impressive visuals (Which have been blown away tenfold since in other movies) there was no redeeming quality about that movie. With that being said, it is very easy to fuck up a Hulk movie because every second he ISNT smashing something is a wasted second as far as I am concerned. Revamping the origin (I believe) isn’t a good move because they could have kept the ending and just began the chase from there giving prime time to wreck shop. By reinventing the origin they kill a lot of action and that will tune off a lot of people. Also, I really don’t think Liv Tyler should be allowed to be in movies. At all.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(Now this could go up to about a 9 depending on how well they can redo the origin and incorporate that into an action packed movie but I don’t see it getting any higher unless it completely blows the doors off the theater with its awesomeness. This movie has to work HARD to wash the taste of the first one out as well as compete with three better comic book movies IMHO)
Get Smart
Release Date: June 20th, 2008
Starring: Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson
Why It Could Rule: There is a lot of summertime action power here in The Rock and Steve Carrell. Steve has proven that he can be funny with the worst material (Evan Almighty) but he hasn’t really been in a comedic action role. Luckily he has The Rock to bail him out who is a master at this kind of thing. Although it is a remake (WHICH I HATE) it still has Anne Hathaway and her fine self in the movie so it has its perks already.
Why It Could Suck: You know, it just doesn’t look all that funny. It is supposed to be action packed and I hope it is because Get Smart by itself doesn’t stand alone as a movie. Even with the star power it has, I don’t see this movie being up there with some of the other films coming out.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(This is a movie that will be a good break after The Incredible Hulk but in the end will get lost in the shuffle. Remakes are always hard to make good and this will be no exception. That and I am still pissed about Bewitched)
Wanted
Release Date: June 27th, 2008
Starring: James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Common
Why It Could Rule: This movie is based off a little know comic by the same name which gives it a leg up on the competition because no one is MENTIONING IT. I believe that is what killed some of the awesomeness that was Sin City because it was hyped as a graphic novel and that type of storytelling needs to be worked into a movie in a way that the normals can get. This is being hyped like a Bourne meets Mission Impossible movie which will help out a lot. The strongest part of this movie is the cast. Aside from the mis-casting of Angelina Jolie as the main female (She was Black in the comic) all the characters fit their roles perfectly. The plot is (For the most part) lifted straight from the comic which RULED and was built for the big screen, rather than taking characters and building a plot for the masses.
Why It Could Suck: A movie about a hitman has a lot of bad points. Mainly the “hero” is a murderer and people frown upon that. Secondly, the action looks a tad bit Matrix-y and that doesn’t fit the comic book and may give a wannabe Neo feel to the movie. Also, the film has been hyped but nowhere near its competition which will put it at a disagvantage. Angelina Jolie’s jubblies are not enough to sell a movie. See: Beowulf.
Overall Preview Grade: 7.5 Out of 10 Stars
(This could end up being a sleeper hit but for the most part it looks to be an average action movie. I don’t see this pulling a Live Free or Die Hard and just rocking my face off but it should be a good watch. Overall, it looks like it will be above average but I could be wrong)
Hellboy II AKA Hellboy & The Golden Army
Release Date: July 11th, 2008
Starring: Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair
Why It Could Rule: Now I am a bit biased because I liked the original Hellboy but after seeing the trailer for this movie before The Forbidden Kingdom I can say flat out that this will be the most visually stimulating movie of 2008. HANDS DOWN. Guillermo Del Toro has helped in creating a visual world that fits what Hellboy would actually be in. The plot is straight from the books (I believe) and the atmosphere seems to match that. My god, it looks BEAUTIFUL. The scenery goes from majestic to downright creepy and it fits to a tee. I felt that the first Hellboy was out of its element and looks kind of hokey although I like the plot and it actually had some good character development. Overall, I believe that the atmosphere and the douche of a villain (We are talking at Sephiroth levels here) make this a sure hit…hopefully.
Why It Could Suck: The first Hellboy did WELL, but not as well as the comic book movies before it. I personally feel the criticisms were unfair but true. The movie was out of its element as it tried to integrate a full fantasy world into a real life setting and in some cases it worked very well (plot-wise) but in others it did not (Visually, it looked out of place). Some will find the locals and backdrops very Pan’s Labyrinth-like and that movie itself was an acquired taste as well. Quite simple, Hellboy 2 isn’t a mass market comic book movie and that will hurt it.
Overall Preview Grade: 9 Out of 10 Stars
(I am aiming high with this movie but I believe that this grade will be well worth it. I think this will be the best movie of the summer overall in terms of visuals, plot, action and substance but I fell most people will either be scared or turned off but the characters which are the standard hot fare that the summer brings. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!)
The Dark Knight
Release Date: July 18th, 2008
Starring: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman (You know what, let’s just give this movie 15 stars and call it a year)
Why It WILL Rule: Did you see the cast? Read it again….I’ll wait. You see that? This movie is badass on the actors alone. Heath Ledger has The Joker NAILED in the trailers while we get to look more into the Batman mythos in this film. The addition of Twoface (MAYBE) in Aaron Eckhart as a villain follows in the Batman vein and means that this will be fucking awesome. The tech has stepped it up big time while the retelling of The Joker origin is enough by itself to see this movie. As great as Batman Begins was, this movie will blow that out of the water.
How It COULD Suck: Expectations of this movie are high. VERY HIGH. After Superman Returns (Which I liked….when I was awake) did blow fans away like Batman Begins did, The Dark Knight is the measuring stick on whether a JLA movie will be made because that is the only place left to go. People are not obly expecting a great comic book movie but a great movie in general and that is hard praise to live up to. This could either be The Empire Strikes Back where it redefines the genre as a whole or it could be The Matrix Reloaded and be a disappointment to us all. Just not me.
Overall Preview Grade: 10 Out of 10 Stars
(Yes, you knew that was coming. But in all honesty there is almost NO WAY this movie could be bad if you have even the slightest care about Batman or movies in general. From the look and feel of Gotham to the performances of the actors so far to even the plot itself. This movie has the pieces to be the best movie of not only 2008, but the best sequel EVER. Yes, I went there)
There are some more movies to cover like Wall-e (Which I think will be the biggest movie of the summer because of its rating), Hancock, Pineapple Express, X-Files 2 and Meet Dave and I will go over them probably next week if not next Sunday before the release of IRON MAN! Got, that movie is going to rule. This summer I will be at your local movie house pretty much every Friday and Denver every Saturday at a Rockies game. It will be summertime…in the CSP:
Heh, I kicks it old school. I will try to be back in the middle of the week (Wednesday or Thursday before the Countdown) with a new post. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, April 21, 2008
God....So This Is How The World Ends? With A Polow Tha Don Beat? Figures...
So this weekend was an eye-opener and I realized something: nuclear holocaust must happen right the fuck now. Over the last three days I have lost whatever faith I had in humanity (Which was very fucking little), what little respect I had for women (If ANY, actually. Sorry but I watched an episode of "The Hills" and just for that you all should be shot in the fucking face) and have come to realize that even though we as a human race are at rock bottom someone finds a way to lower the fucking bar of asshatery. I am not going to say I want the terrorists to win but man, they bring up some valid points about how Americans are fucktards. The problem is that radical Muslims are the ULTIMATE in fucktards so it is like me calling Big Van Vader a fat-ass:
Which I would never do because he would go sick-house on my fat ass. I LIKE my ass, gentlemen.
So we all know that the majority of people see being refined or having any sort of appreciation for anything not reality TV, shitty hip hop or low-brow humor as being gay and women are one brain cell short of being lower on the intelligence scale than cats (Which gives them too much credit because cats RULE YOUR FACE, BITCHES!) but that was expected and I have accepted that as the norm. It is true and none of you can prove me wrong so eat a fucking dick. However, this takes the cake that proves that women and niggas need to be eliminated as soon as possible and Persacons need to hit the market ASAP (Are you listening, Japan?! Quit obsessing about used panties and MAKE SOME GODDAMN ROBOTS YOU SOULLESS PRICKS!). I had MTV Jams on as background noise as I was getting ready to head up to Denver on Saturday (A story in itself, I tell you what) when I heard something that may have cause a rip in the space/suck continuum and may end up destroying civilization as we know it forever. Nelly and Fergie made a song together:
If there was ever proof that niggas and bitches will inherit the Earth, this is your fucking proof. Can someone explain to me why Nelly hasn’t been shot already? Remember when rappers were getting shot like they were squirrels in Alabama during the summertime? I miss those days because this man needs to GO. Not necessarily DIE as much as needs to go far, far away and stay off of my TV, radio and interweb. As for Fergie….women are fucking idiots and find her more of a role model than Carol Moseley Braun and Dana Perino (Ladies, if you DON’T know who they are then get your ass in the kitchen because you have no idea about anything. If you do, I tip my hat to you. You are one of the smart ones and you are awesome) so quite simply I expect her to never disappear. However, this is what pisses me off about this. Nelly has three Grammys. Fergie has two Grammys. That is a total of five since 2000. You know how many Frank Sinatra had in his career? Nine, ten if you count the “Lifetime Achievement Award” he got. So let me get this straight….
NELLY AND FERGIE ARE HALFWAY TO BEING AS GOOD AS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BOARD?!
This is why music sucks and why people suck even more. Frank Sinatra is a legend of music, stage and cinema and yet we give movie roles to 50 Cent and call him a thespian (Which is like calling any woman a “virgin” because she only sucks dicks and does anal. Yes, you are a virgin in the BIBLICAL sense but can swallowing Listerine bring back your dignity? Or fix your wrecked rectum?) Say what you will (If you say anything at all) about my listening to J-pop, show tunes or classic music but at least it is better than anything Nelly or Fergie have put out. The fact that these two have ONE FUCKING GRAMMY TO SHARE shows that the concept of musical talent is lost on Americans, especially those between the ages of 16-30 because they are the combined largest market. They are also the combined STUPIDEST MARKET, as evident by the influx of shitty horror movies and crappy ass reality shows about stupid White fuckers with problems. Oh, and Flavor Flav’s ignorant coon ass. Yes, I fucking said COON and I will say it again. I am through playing around. Another year of douchery like 2007 and Blacks will be back in the fields and women will be back in the kitchen by 2009. Fix it and fix it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. You cannot depend on Hillary and Obama to fix shit for you.
I know I shouldn’t be upset about this but goddamnit I have to live in this world, too. Stupid people fuck it up for the rest of us. Don’t believe me? See school shooters, terrorists, polygamists and Catholics. I rest my fucking case. If we don’t kill Fergie and Nelly now, the monster will end up killing us. Or something like that. Jesus said it or something so it must be true. Or maybe it was from “King Kong” or something. Either way, people suck. That is all.
It is so bedtime. I will be back at some point this week to offend the rest of you that I didn’t offend today. That pretty much means the Albanians. I got something for your swarthy asses. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and fuck bros. Had to fit that in seeing as how I am ripping people new ones and all.
Chachi Out.
Which I would never do because he would go sick-house on my fat ass. I LIKE my ass, gentlemen.
So we all know that the majority of people see being refined or having any sort of appreciation for anything not reality TV, shitty hip hop or low-brow humor as being gay and women are one brain cell short of being lower on the intelligence scale than cats (Which gives them too much credit because cats RULE YOUR FACE, BITCHES!) but that was expected and I have accepted that as the norm. It is true and none of you can prove me wrong so eat a fucking dick. However, this takes the cake that proves that women and niggas need to be eliminated as soon as possible and Persacons need to hit the market ASAP (Are you listening, Japan?! Quit obsessing about used panties and MAKE SOME GODDAMN ROBOTS YOU SOULLESS PRICKS!). I had MTV Jams on as background noise as I was getting ready to head up to Denver on Saturday (A story in itself, I tell you what) when I heard something that may have cause a rip in the space/suck continuum and may end up destroying civilization as we know it forever. Nelly and Fergie made a song together:
If there was ever proof that niggas and bitches will inherit the Earth, this is your fucking proof. Can someone explain to me why Nelly hasn’t been shot already? Remember when rappers were getting shot like they were squirrels in Alabama during the summertime? I miss those days because this man needs to GO. Not necessarily DIE as much as needs to go far, far away and stay off of my TV, radio and interweb. As for Fergie….women are fucking idiots and find her more of a role model than Carol Moseley Braun and Dana Perino (Ladies, if you DON’T know who they are then get your ass in the kitchen because you have no idea about anything. If you do, I tip my hat to you. You are one of the smart ones and you are awesome) so quite simply I expect her to never disappear. However, this is what pisses me off about this. Nelly has three Grammys. Fergie has two Grammys. That is a total of five since 2000. You know how many Frank Sinatra had in his career? Nine, ten if you count the “Lifetime Achievement Award” he got. So let me get this straight….
NELLY AND FERGIE ARE HALFWAY TO BEING AS GOOD AS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BOARD?!
This is why music sucks and why people suck even more. Frank Sinatra is a legend of music, stage and cinema and yet we give movie roles to 50 Cent and call him a thespian (Which is like calling any woman a “virgin” because she only sucks dicks and does anal. Yes, you are a virgin in the BIBLICAL sense but can swallowing Listerine bring back your dignity? Or fix your wrecked rectum?) Say what you will (If you say anything at all) about my listening to J-pop, show tunes or classic music but at least it is better than anything Nelly or Fergie have put out. The fact that these two have ONE FUCKING GRAMMY TO SHARE shows that the concept of musical talent is lost on Americans, especially those between the ages of 16-30 because they are the combined largest market. They are also the combined STUPIDEST MARKET, as evident by the influx of shitty horror movies and crappy ass reality shows about stupid White fuckers with problems. Oh, and Flavor Flav’s ignorant coon ass. Yes, I fucking said COON and I will say it again. I am through playing around. Another year of douchery like 2007 and Blacks will be back in the fields and women will be back in the kitchen by 2009. Fix it and fix it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. You cannot depend on Hillary and Obama to fix shit for you.
I know I shouldn’t be upset about this but goddamnit I have to live in this world, too. Stupid people fuck it up for the rest of us. Don’t believe me? See school shooters, terrorists, polygamists and Catholics. I rest my fucking case. If we don’t kill Fergie and Nelly now, the monster will end up killing us. Or something like that. Jesus said it or something so it must be true. Or maybe it was from “King Kong” or something. Either way, people suck. That is all.
It is so bedtime. I will be back at some point this week to offend the rest of you that I didn’t offend today. That pretty much means the Albanians. I got something for your swarthy asses. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and fuck bros. Had to fit that in seeing as how I am ripping people new ones and all.
Chachi Out.
Friday, April 18, 2008
We May Be Witnessing History. To Me, Anyway.
It is another Friday so you know what is coming up! You want it, you love it, you need it!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin this week with two videos from the Countdown’s biggest stars!
20. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #16)
Looks like the end of the road for two of the biggest names on the Countdown. Nelly Furtado failed to take the number one spot for the second straight time after dominating last spring with “Say it Right.” With nothing new from her since then, it may be about time for something new.
19. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #17)
Part two of the falling legends. Literally as John Legend failed again to take the top spot from a newcomer (Lupe Fiasco). Same as Nelly Furtado as these two battled it out for the Album of the Year Chachi Award. IN 2006. Give us something new!
18. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (New Entry)
Hells yes! This song came out in Feburary (I believe)but I just found the video. This song is the “Chance” to UVERworld “D-technolife” as it is a lot slower of a rock song but just as awesome. Tune in next week, “CHU-BURA” debuts on Bleach! Single should be out 4/23/2008! Greatest year ever!
17. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #20)
Yeah, as you know I like this song and video. I’m not ashamed to say it anymore. Okay, maybe I am a little bit as it goes against everything I believe inwhen it comes to love and whatnot but hey. Sue me, I’m a romantic.
16. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #18)
Speaking of romantic, I am SO DOWN to find a karaoke place and learn this song! Is there a lady out there that is willing to learn Japanese and do it with me?
15. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #12, Four Weeks at #1)
CRS falls another three spots this week after a big run at the top. All three artists have new videos out including NERD, for which they are doing a video for that song I REALLY FUCKING HATE but maybe it is just a promo video.
14. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #15)
You know, have they had an album since that one with “Cho Large” on it? I don’t believe so. I know they each have their own thing but still.
13. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #11)
Hearts Grow falls another two spots this week as they fail to match the success of “Himawari” this time out. Not much on an album or a new single front….which upsets me a great deal. I wonder how a band with little fanfare pulls the openings of Naruto, Powerpuff Girls and Gintama. Those are big names.
12. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
Rebelde falls out of the Top 10 for the first time in 2008! It is a shock but at the same time they need to bring me something new. I miss me some Anahi.
11. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #13)
Kanye is one step away from his record tying sixth Top 10 video! That ties him with Yui and with two number ones to his credit he is laying claim to the King of the Countdown throne. How can he follow up last years’ Album of the Year performance? Maybe with Video of the Year?
10. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #6)
Mihimaru GT falls four big spots this week as it looks like they are on their way out of the Top 10. The new video is interesting and I haven’t found out exactly what movie it is from. I tell you what I did see: Sex is Zero 2. It was pretty good, but not great. Review this weekend.
9. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #8)
Two new Roots videos! Hells yeah! Despite that, they fall a spot this week but still stay in the Top 10.
8. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #10)
Lupe has an interesting new video for “Tokyo, Paris” that premiered last week. Pretty damn cool, unlike most rap videos. But you can’t win them all, I guess.On a sadder note, Nelly has a new video. With Fergie. They needs to die.
7. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #14, Biggest Mover)
Usher is in the Top 10 for the first time ever! Never thought I would say THAT but here we are. Also, in a shocker this is Young Jeezy’s third trip into the Top 10 which is just as shocking as anything else. Who know?
6. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #4)
After stalling out at number four, Erykah Badu falls two more spots this week and out of the Top Five. It has been a pretty long run for her first time out but I think she needs a new video in circulation. This one is getting a bit played out. It was in a Cheerios commercial. Just kidding.
5. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #7)
The Arc is BACK, BABY! Hyde and Co are back in the Top 5 with this video and single from the Devil May Cry series. I am all about this song while driving which is good and bad at the same time because people hate on the J-Rock. Eh, they are better than half the stuff here so nyah!
4. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #2)
After three weeks stalled at number two, Yui could not wrestle the top spot away from Bennie K! This makes the second straight time Yui has been runner up for more than one week and failed to take the top spot. Is she losing steam? Well, maybe not because we are down to three!
3. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #5)
…And she looks like she will have another chance at the top! Her latest video leapfrogs the original and looks to battle for the crown. It started off as a slow year for Yui after being gone for about four and a half months but now she is back with a vengeance. Can she finally take back her throne?
2. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #3)
Foxxi MisQ is one step away once again! The ladies are at the runner up spot and look to do what RBD, CRS, John Legend, Nelly Furtado, Mihimaru GT and Yui could not do: knock off the reigning number one video!
1. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #1, Seven Weeks at #1)
Which belongs to Bennie K! They have officially tied the record for the longest running video with a combination of two duos in UGK and Outkast! It has been a long run for these two ladies as it took them a month to take the top spot and they have held it for almost TWO months. Now that is dominance. Congratulations on tying the record!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if history can be made! Can Bennie K hold on the number one spot for a Countdown record EIGHT WEEK? Or will Foxxi MisQ finally take the number one spot? Is it Yui’s turn to finally break the streak and take back her crown as Queen of the Countdown? Look out for Usher, he is making massive moves! Looks like spring has sprung, peeps!
I am out for now. Movies tonight (And tomorrow because I really want to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) and then Denver on Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin this week with two videos from the Countdown’s biggest stars!
20. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #16)
Looks like the end of the road for two of the biggest names on the Countdown. Nelly Furtado failed to take the number one spot for the second straight time after dominating last spring with “Say it Right.” With nothing new from her since then, it may be about time for something new.
19. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #17)
Part two of the falling legends. Literally as John Legend failed again to take the top spot from a newcomer (Lupe Fiasco). Same as Nelly Furtado as these two battled it out for the Album of the Year Chachi Award. IN 2006. Give us something new!
18. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (New Entry)
Hells yes! This song came out in Feburary (I believe)but I just found the video. This song is the “Chance” to UVERworld “D-technolife” as it is a lot slower of a rock song but just as awesome. Tune in next week, “CHU-BURA” debuts on Bleach! Single should be out 4/23/2008! Greatest year ever!
17. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #20)
Yeah, as you know I like this song and video. I’m not ashamed to say it anymore. Okay, maybe I am a little bit as it goes against everything I believe inwhen it comes to love and whatnot but hey. Sue me, I’m a romantic.
16. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #18)
Speaking of romantic, I am SO DOWN to find a karaoke place and learn this song! Is there a lady out there that is willing to learn Japanese and do it with me?
15. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #12, Four Weeks at #1)
CRS falls another three spots this week after a big run at the top. All three artists have new videos out including NERD, for which they are doing a video for that song I REALLY FUCKING HATE but maybe it is just a promo video.
14. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #15)
You know, have they had an album since that one with “Cho Large” on it? I don’t believe so. I know they each have their own thing but still.
13. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #11)
Hearts Grow falls another two spots this week as they fail to match the success of “Himawari” this time out. Not much on an album or a new single front….which upsets me a great deal. I wonder how a band with little fanfare pulls the openings of Naruto, Powerpuff Girls and Gintama. Those are big names.
12. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
Rebelde falls out of the Top 10 for the first time in 2008! It is a shock but at the same time they need to bring me something new. I miss me some Anahi.
11. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #13)
Kanye is one step away from his record tying sixth Top 10 video! That ties him with Yui and with two number ones to his credit he is laying claim to the King of the Countdown throne. How can he follow up last years’ Album of the Year performance? Maybe with Video of the Year?
10. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #6)
Mihimaru GT falls four big spots this week as it looks like they are on their way out of the Top 10. The new video is interesting and I haven’t found out exactly what movie it is from. I tell you what I did see: Sex is Zero 2. It was pretty good, but not great. Review this weekend.
9. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #8)
Two new Roots videos! Hells yeah! Despite that, they fall a spot this week but still stay in the Top 10.
8. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #10)
Lupe has an interesting new video for “Tokyo, Paris” that premiered last week. Pretty damn cool, unlike most rap videos. But you can’t win them all, I guess.On a sadder note, Nelly has a new video. With Fergie. They needs to die.
7. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #14, Biggest Mover)
Usher is in the Top 10 for the first time ever! Never thought I would say THAT but here we are. Also, in a shocker this is Young Jeezy’s third trip into the Top 10 which is just as shocking as anything else. Who know?
6. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #4)
After stalling out at number four, Erykah Badu falls two more spots this week and out of the Top Five. It has been a pretty long run for her first time out but I think she needs a new video in circulation. This one is getting a bit played out. It was in a Cheerios commercial. Just kidding.
5. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #7)
The Arc is BACK, BABY! Hyde and Co are back in the Top 5 with this video and single from the Devil May Cry series. I am all about this song while driving which is good and bad at the same time because people hate on the J-Rock. Eh, they are better than half the stuff here so nyah!
4. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #2)
After three weeks stalled at number two, Yui could not wrestle the top spot away from Bennie K! This makes the second straight time Yui has been runner up for more than one week and failed to take the top spot. Is she losing steam? Well, maybe not because we are down to three!
3. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #5)
…And she looks like she will have another chance at the top! Her latest video leapfrogs the original and looks to battle for the crown. It started off as a slow year for Yui after being gone for about four and a half months but now she is back with a vengeance. Can she finally take back her throne?
2. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #3)
Foxxi MisQ is one step away once again! The ladies are at the runner up spot and look to do what RBD, CRS, John Legend, Nelly Furtado, Mihimaru GT and Yui could not do: knock off the reigning number one video!
1. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #1, Seven Weeks at #1)
Which belongs to Bennie K! They have officially tied the record for the longest running video with a combination of two duos in UGK and Outkast! It has been a long run for these two ladies as it took them a month to take the top spot and they have held it for almost TWO months. Now that is dominance. Congratulations on tying the record!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if history can be made! Can Bennie K hold on the number one spot for a Countdown record EIGHT WEEK? Or will Foxxi MisQ finally take the number one spot? Is it Yui’s turn to finally break the streak and take back her crown as Queen of the Countdown? Look out for Usher, he is making massive moves! Looks like spring has sprung, peeps!
I am out for now. Movies tonight (And tomorrow because I really want to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) and then Denver on Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Who Turned Off The Damn Heat?!
What is up, peeps! I told you I would be back, motherfuckers! Man, I have a total potty mouth. THAT’S why I don’t have any friends. So after having blogs pointed directly on a subject, I haven’t had the chance to just do a random blog about random crap like I used to do. Seeing as how I am angry at life in general (I get like that sometimes) it is about time that I calmed down and took a step back. So today, I am going to be a tad bit all over the place but follow me. To dee beech. BOYEEEE!
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: People Need To Stop With The Kobe Bryant Hatred.
Now as you all know, I have had a love hate relationship with Kobe. I have always felt that he is the best all-around player in the NBA and no one can debate that except for the fucktards that consider Steve Nash anything but an unkempt Canadian hippie. He is a better player than Dirk Nowistski (Although I am all about “Hard Work” Dirk) and as far as Tim Duncan goes, I believe that he is now to Tony Parker to what Shaq was to Kobe during the 3-peat: someone great but a lot better with someone to draw the double teams. Yet, Kobe Bryant has no MVP awards. NONE. The man has been the most DOMINANT player in the NBA for the last 4 seasons and all he has to show for it is looking at Dirk and Steve and their pasty white asses win MVP awards for being great with very good teams. Name someone else on the Lakers right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I didn’t think so. The Suns have Amare Stoudamire (OVERRATED) and the “Big Retard” Shaq while Dirk has had a stream of players come in and out of Dallas since Mark Cuban actually spends MONEY on people to put around his starts. Kobe has been EXCELLENT on a sub-par team and yet no one will give him his proper due as the Most Valuable Player award even though he is the most valuable player on his team. Take Kobe from the Lakers and you have MAYBE a 40 win team, and that is being generous when you think about how lights-out the Western Conference has been in 2008. He had the best season on (Arguably) the second best team in the NBA behind the Celtics and MAYBE the Pistons who have quietly put together a good year once again. Past indiscretions aside, the man has been the best player in the NBA for years and this year was no different. Quit hating, he and I have both hit the pinnacle: butt sex with a White woman. ZING! I kid, I kid. Not giving Kobe the MVP this year is a major injustice. Watch it go to fucking Nash. Canadian hippie fuck.
Random Thought #2: The Shocker Is No Longer Shocking.
Zach mentioned this to me the other day and I TOTALLY AGREE on this one, home skillet. The shocker itself is a stupid idea anyway because my experience with butt play has not been good and I would only wish it on my worst enemy. Even then, I would feel a LITTLE bad about it. “Two in the pink and one in the stink” may be the stupidest fucking phrase since “who let the dogs out” and that was DUMB AS HELL. The concept that a pinkies worth of insertion into an anus is that “badass” or even “taboo” is ridiculous. It is more of an annoyance than anything else IMHO and as people we really need to let this go. Especially bros who think that this is something that should be yelled at all times like it’s a Nelly song (More on that fucker later) in 2002. If you like the shocker as a dude you are gay. Period. If you are a woman and you like the shocker then congratulations: you are faking the funk as a whore. Pornstars take WAY more than a pinkie up their assholes and they get paid a lot more for it than you do. Much like the donkey punch and the dirty sanchez, let the damn shocker go.
Random Thought #3: Rap Is The New Disco.
Okay, Black men. If you listen to any rap not by Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Outkast, Kanye West or Mos Def you are officially gay:
This is coming from a man that is excited to work about going to see “Avenue Q” this summer. Seriously, all the album covers have half-naked Black men looking longingly at you to buy their CD so they can buy some more jewelry and clothes. Let’s do the math:
· Oversized shirts look a lot like dresses
· Gaudy, obnoxious and tacky jewelry (Hoop earrings = diamond studs)
· A crew of no less than 5 other Black dudes in close proximity
· Refusing to wear shirts and/or pants
· Overblown and uber-flashy (Not to mention sexually ambiguous) dance moves (Soulja Boy and Fabo, I am looking right at you)
· Meticulously perfected hair
· Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize! (I am a victim of this but I am not THAT BAD)
· More shoes than they know what to do with (ERR FERCE WONS!!!)
· Lame ass phrases (WE DA BEST! BOSS! I’M SO HOOD!
For those of you hip-hop heads that think rap doesn’t suck, you have to look at that and ask yourself just how “hood” are you with the fashion sense of a young Versace or Liberace? Hip hop is the gayest music out there and what even FUNNIER is how macho it claims to be. I remember when Beans (Beanie Sigel to the non-State Property fans, of which I used to be) made all those comments about “hipster rappers” like Kanye, Lupe Fiasco and Pharrell being gay? And yet as much as I dig his style sometimes, isn’t he the one rapping about his jewelry all the time? Just because you have guns doesn’t make you straight. Hell, I believe that owners of guns have a little bit of cock envy but that is just me. Oh, and going to jail doesn’t make you a man. It makes you LESS of a man because you are a blood clot on society and most importantly, we all know what they make you do in the big house: toss the salad:
Damn….I guess T.I. and Prodigy will be rapping about cheese in a different way when they get out. BURN! I kid, I kid. T.I. is awesome. Seriously though, you niggas gay.
That is all for now. One last thing though: Colorado Springs is a fucking whore. Mother nature pisses on this place like we are a 14 year old school girl to her R. Kelly. Why is it snowing in April? That is bullshit! Eh, it is what it is. I am out for now. I will try to be up tomorrow but if not, I will definitely be up on Friday and Sunday. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: People Need To Stop With The Kobe Bryant Hatred.
Now as you all know, I have had a love hate relationship with Kobe. I have always felt that he is the best all-around player in the NBA and no one can debate that except for the fucktards that consider Steve Nash anything but an unkempt Canadian hippie. He is a better player than Dirk Nowistski (Although I am all about “Hard Work” Dirk) and as far as Tim Duncan goes, I believe that he is now to Tony Parker to what Shaq was to Kobe during the 3-peat: someone great but a lot better with someone to draw the double teams. Yet, Kobe Bryant has no MVP awards. NONE. The man has been the most DOMINANT player in the NBA for the last 4 seasons and all he has to show for it is looking at Dirk and Steve and their pasty white asses win MVP awards for being great with very good teams. Name someone else on the Lakers right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I didn’t think so. The Suns have Amare Stoudamire (OVERRATED) and the “Big Retard” Shaq while Dirk has had a stream of players come in and out of Dallas since Mark Cuban actually spends MONEY on people to put around his starts. Kobe has been EXCELLENT on a sub-par team and yet no one will give him his proper due as the Most Valuable Player award even though he is the most valuable player on his team. Take Kobe from the Lakers and you have MAYBE a 40 win team, and that is being generous when you think about how lights-out the Western Conference has been in 2008. He had the best season on (Arguably) the second best team in the NBA behind the Celtics and MAYBE the Pistons who have quietly put together a good year once again. Past indiscretions aside, the man has been the best player in the NBA for years and this year was no different. Quit hating, he and I have both hit the pinnacle: butt sex with a White woman. ZING! I kid, I kid. Not giving Kobe the MVP this year is a major injustice. Watch it go to fucking Nash. Canadian hippie fuck.
Random Thought #2: The Shocker Is No Longer Shocking.
Zach mentioned this to me the other day and I TOTALLY AGREE on this one, home skillet. The shocker itself is a stupid idea anyway because my experience with butt play has not been good and I would only wish it on my worst enemy. Even then, I would feel a LITTLE bad about it. “Two in the pink and one in the stink” may be the stupidest fucking phrase since “who let the dogs out” and that was DUMB AS HELL. The concept that a pinkies worth of insertion into an anus is that “badass” or even “taboo” is ridiculous. It is more of an annoyance than anything else IMHO and as people we really need to let this go. Especially bros who think that this is something that should be yelled at all times like it’s a Nelly song (More on that fucker later) in 2002. If you like the shocker as a dude you are gay. Period. If you are a woman and you like the shocker then congratulations: you are faking the funk as a whore. Pornstars take WAY more than a pinkie up their assholes and they get paid a lot more for it than you do. Much like the donkey punch and the dirty sanchez, let the damn shocker go.
Random Thought #3: Rap Is The New Disco.
Okay, Black men. If you listen to any rap not by Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Outkast, Kanye West or Mos Def you are officially gay:
This is coming from a man that is excited to work about going to see “Avenue Q” this summer. Seriously, all the album covers have half-naked Black men looking longingly at you to buy their CD so they can buy some more jewelry and clothes. Let’s do the math:
· Oversized shirts look a lot like dresses
· Gaudy, obnoxious and tacky jewelry (Hoop earrings = diamond studs)
· A crew of no less than 5 other Black dudes in close proximity
· Refusing to wear shirts and/or pants
· Overblown and uber-flashy (Not to mention sexually ambiguous) dance moves (Soulja Boy and Fabo, I am looking right at you)
· Meticulously perfected hair
· Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize! (I am a victim of this but I am not THAT BAD)
· More shoes than they know what to do with (ERR FERCE WONS!!!)
· Lame ass phrases (WE DA BEST! BOSS! I’M SO HOOD!
For those of you hip-hop heads that think rap doesn’t suck, you have to look at that and ask yourself just how “hood” are you with the fashion sense of a young Versace or Liberace? Hip hop is the gayest music out there and what even FUNNIER is how macho it claims to be. I remember when Beans (Beanie Sigel to the non-State Property fans, of which I used to be) made all those comments about “hipster rappers” like Kanye, Lupe Fiasco and Pharrell being gay? And yet as much as I dig his style sometimes, isn’t he the one rapping about his jewelry all the time? Just because you have guns doesn’t make you straight. Hell, I believe that owners of guns have a little bit of cock envy but that is just me. Oh, and going to jail doesn’t make you a man. It makes you LESS of a man because you are a blood clot on society and most importantly, we all know what they make you do in the big house: toss the salad:
Damn….I guess T.I. and Prodigy will be rapping about cheese in a different way when they get out. BURN! I kid, I kid. T.I. is awesome. Seriously though, you niggas gay.
That is all for now. One last thing though: Colorado Springs is a fucking whore. Mother nature pisses on this place like we are a 14 year old school girl to her R. Kelly. Why is it snowing in April? That is bullshit! Eh, it is what it is. I am out for now. I will try to be up tomorrow but if not, I will definitely be up on Friday and Sunday. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Last One, I Promise! Tomorrow's Post Will Be About Boobies!
Okay, so I am back on the scene with a cupful of lean. That is cough syrup for you know knowers. Big ups to Pimp-C. STOP LEANIN! So the search is going well as I have a booked week. Totally trying to avoid staying where I am at unless TOTALLY necessary because morale is low but that is everywhere except Diddy’s house. That place must be like Disneyland filled with fly honeys. That will be the last of that for a while. Updates will be given as needed.
So on Saturday (I think) I ranted about the signs of a bro. Well, on Sunday Joey Joe Joe and I went to Castle Rock (Where I bought a BALLIN ASS LEATHER JACKET for only $99. Pretty good price for fat mans’ sizes) and Dave & Buster’s (Or as Zach calls it “The Haven of Pinkeye”) and I swear to FUCKING GOD that about 70% of white males ages 16-34 are bros. Now that is skewed by the 20-28 age range but still: all white dudes have the same fucking haircut, the same fucking clothing and the same STUNTED ASS VOCABULARY! I fucking swear that people get dumber every year. We are three years away from regressing back to grunts and screams. I totally hate people right now.
There was a shocking trend that I saw at the Park Meadows Mall, too. Joe commented how all the females were there with bros which is normal because that’s what the norm is and women embrace the norm when it comes to dating men for the most part because that is what is acceptable. However, the awkward part is how all pissed the females looked as the bros spent all their time talking and flirting with…each other. Now as one who hates ALL PEOPLE I rarely care about your problems unless they overlap with mine as a friend. So unless your issue is caring about a woman too much or chronic masturbation we really can’t relate about much so odds are I am listening to you none and caring even less. So Griff, I don’t CARE if she doesn’t call so QUIT TELLING ME ABOUT IT….jackass.
So after noticing how bros are so detached from their girlfriends to the point that they complain and leave them (Which I have seen) and yet they go out and find….another bro. To which I believe that I have come across a scientific breakthrough. Since I stay droppin that knowledge on the peeps it is time for a double dip, mother-bitches! I am giving you TWO POSTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! Yes, you know you love it. So now, for part one of two for the….second part of my initial post. Yeah, I am just as confused as you are. First, I give you….
Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Date Bros.
Okay, get the GameCube and the scotch! Wish me luck!
Reason #1: Women Date Bros Because….It Is A Safe Pick.
Now this is a double reason. I have proven in previous posts that women are the new bros for emotional reasons but one I missed was fashion. Bros all dress the same. They shop at the same stores and wear the same styles. Trucker hat, vintage tee, cargo shorts and sandals. That is it. Go to the mall right now and tell me how many you see. A LOT. The simple fact is that the style that they have is lazy and counter-fashion. Which makes it fashionable because people are stupid that way. Since they all look the same and the bro look is in like the Wii, a woman dating a bro doesn’t make her look petty for dating for money or looks because they all look the same. Also, since all bros have the same mind set (Which is beer, bitches and bros before hoes) she knows what she is dealing with and therefore ends up being smarter than her counterpart. Tying it all together, dating a bro for a woman is like drafting a good left tackle or a great pursuit linebacker. You know exactly what you are getting and no one will make any judgments about your pick because everyone needs a great offensive tackle or a versatile linebacker.
Final Analysis: Dating bros is safe socially because since they are all the same, you really never take a logical chance. If there is one thing women DON’T do, it is take logical chances.
Reason #2: Women Date Bros Because….They Make Them Feel Smart.
Now it was weird when I came to this realization for the main reason that most bros are college aged and usually college grads (Frat Squid Pro Bro!). However, have you ever had a conversation with a bro? They are reciters (Not a word, but still). They recite whatever their idols tell them. So when your idols are based off of:
• Dane Cook (HE ISNT FUCKING FUNNY. Let it go)
• Dave Matthews (And I don’t really know what he stands for. But I am sure it sucks)
• Bono (Which automatically makes you a fucktard because he is the biggest douche to walk the face of the earth not named Hitler or Jesus)
• Family Guy (It WAS funny. Like three seasons ago)
• Colin Farrell (Yeah, we are about done here. Fuck the Irish!)
You aren’t exactly a Rhodes Scholar. Hell, you aren’t even good enough to get into Pepperdine. Therefore, most bros aren’t exactly great conversation pieces because they recite what they hear because most of them don’t have the mental capacity to understand anything past five letter words. Now let us take women into this equation. In a rant I believe I said it best: if women were as smart as they think they are, why aren’t there more female rhetors or inventors? Not to say that there are NONE, but they are few and far between. I have learned in my days that most women are not really good conversation pieces unless it is what they want to talk about, what they know (or think they know) or about themselves. Bros have no idea what to talk about because they are stupid. They don’t know anything unless it is drilled into their head violently and ad nausem (hence the popularity of Dane Cook. See, he serves a purpose! He teaches the stupid!) which women do CONSTANTLY no matter how wrong they are because that is how they argue. Lastly, bros will say whatever is necessary to get a woman into bed not because they are smart enough to know that but because they AREN’T smart enough to say something that makes sense to a woman when she tells him about her tattoos or her views on her sexuality (Like….the fucking truth). Add all of that up and you have a being that isn’t a threat to their perceived dominance over a relationship. When a woman doesn’t have to have conversation with someone that has any relevance whatsoever and can instead play to her strengths, they feel more comfortable. Quite simply, it’s like why pretty girls have ugly friends: it makes them look better.
Final Analysis: The more women feel like they are the smarter party, the better they feel about themselves. It’s the “Tallest Smurf” Theory: Even though you are the tallest Smurf, you are still a fucking Smurf. Even still, bros aren’t a bright bunch and women like to feel smart.
Reason #3: Women Date Bros Because….Bros Before Hoes!
Now this became the most counter-intuitive reason to date someone after I had a female friend explain this to me last year. You see, no matter WHAT a woman says, they have to be the center of attention. They are bred since birth to either sit back and be docile (which is bad) or always be at the forefront because you are woman and we should hear them roar (also bad). So in a relationship women need to be the focal point of the dynamic because SHE has the vagina and YOU are dating HER, not the other way around. From Valentine’s Day to lying about the fact she isn’t dressed like a whore (Old wounds, I know), the world is supposed to be about her. You know what? That is okay. Nothing wrong with wanting attention. However, my female friend explained to me that her brofriend (Heh, I am surprised I never used that before) spent the majority of his time with his friends. Now THIS is something that confused the hell out of me until I began to people watch more often. I would often see a bro with his friends (Because bros need the support of their homies because they are the new chick) while his girlfriend was walking a few feet behind them, totally detached from the conversation. Now I was told by another female friend in college that her boyfriend hanging with his bros left time for her to hang with her “girls” but in the SAME sentence she would complain about how he never spent any time with her and never listened because he was never around. Now as messed up as it sounds, it actually makes perfect sense. This not only gives them the ability to have drama to talk about when she goes out with her friends (Drama is like energon to females) but it gives her the ability to have drama with HIM about his actions. It is what we in the business call a “win-win”
Final Analysis: Since bros are just as self-absorbed as women are, they make for perfect catalysts for their own self-serving needs to be drama queens. Sometimes, being selfish is being self-less! Just like Jesus, minus the self-righteous rhetoric. And he had sandals!
Reason #4: Women Date Bros Because….They Are Fashion Misfits!
Now I am no fashion guru but hear me out on this one. We all know that women have the poorest fashion sense on the face of the fucking planet. Think I am wrong? Explain Grace Jones and Bjork. Go ahead, I’ll wait. See? You got nothing. You ever noticed how the women’s clothing and shoe section is about four to five times the size of the men’s section? Yet, have you noticed how often you see women dressed in the EXACT SAME shoes or outfit? In Denver, I see it quite often. Women’s fashion is based around either how much they can show off or how much they can alter their bodies to fit the generic vision of beauty. Which means that no matter how “different” their style CLAIMS to be, they still look just like the next girl. Which is why a woman’s’ wardrobe will consist of either shit that is too tight for them or shit that is just a little too tight for them. It’s about feigned individuality that is based in conformity. Since women embrace that, they embrace those that follow that.
Let’s go back to bros. I stated before that all bro fashion consists of the same stuff, no matter who they are:
• Cargo shorts/Cargo pants: I have said it once and I will say it again: unless you are on a fucking safari, cargo pants are gay. PERIOD.
• Sandals: They are gay. I mean they serve their purpose on the beach but you live in Colo-fucking-rado. Wear some fucking shoes.
• Trucker hats: You know, a co-worker of mine used to be a trucker and has a brother who is a trucker. Even THEY didn’t wear trucker hats. They aren’t trucker hats, they are dumb fucker hats. Man, I am surprised I never used that before.
• Vintage tees: And by vintage I mean from the 1980’s. Or shirts with Che Guerra on them which just reeks of social activism they know nothing the fuck about. What is with the Castro style shirts? Isn’t supporting a dictator….un-American? No Bush jokes because I don’t give a fuck about his sorry ass.
• Lifeguard shirts/hoodies: Okay, new rule. Unless you are a lifeguard…no wearing lifeguard paraphernalia. You are officially wearing a lifeguard uniform. If you are a lifeguard, more power to you. If not, from now on if you are dressed a certain way, you ARE a certain way. No questions asked
In other words, bro fashion is hella tacky. It is hippie-chic (Patent Pending, fuckers) and since hippies suck, those that copy hippies REALLY SUCK. Bros dress horrible but since people are stupid it is seen as fashionable. Add that with the fact that women’s fashion has gone downhill fast since gay men no longer design the clothes for them and you see why women date bros: they totally outshine them in the fashion department. You have observed them in public. When comparing the two, a woman easily looks better than her significant other in the fashion department because bro fashion is HORRIBLE while women’s fashion is just tacky. Tacky can be fixed with a actually matching color scheme and getting a size that fits (Wow…just like niggas. They need their clothes tighter, women need their clothes bigger. I am a genius!). Bros are easy to buy for because all you have to do is get them some Crocs and they are happy.
Final Analysis: Bros aren’t going to outshine their women, and as we all know, women have to be the Shawn Michaels to their boyfriends’ Marty Janetty. Yes, I just made a wrestling reference in context. I am on a ROLL, BABY!
Reason #5: Women Date Bros Because….It Is The Norm, For Better Or For Worse.
Now this took a lot of people watching and a LOT of uncomfortable question asking which actually gave me a better understanding of this and this leads into my next rant (Up hopefully tomorrow depending on how everything goes). I am not a professional by any means but in my experience and research, I have learned that there is a large community of women that do not thrive with the unfamiliar. I have seen time and time again women date the same kind of men and expect something different but at the end of the day after talking to them about it…they don’t expect or WANT something different. If your life has always been filled with drama, you expect it and if you don’t get it you either create it or seek it elsewhere. You can be rest assured that by nature bros are down for drama. Whether it is getting drunk and starting fights (Usually about them NOT being gay but FLAMING GAY) or neglecting her by broing out with the bros, they feed the need for some (Read: SOME) women and their need for drama. Even if the experience is bad, if there is familiarity with dating or showing interest in a certain kind of person one will migrate to that whether healthy or not. With that familiarity comes the acceptance of that behavior and even the treatment, whether it be good or bad. Since whenever I see white people whether it be on TV or in real life all males are bros (Sans Black dudes….which is another rant altogether) if a woman deviates from the norm that is set it causes to question their actions and take notice….and not on her terms. Which is a no-no.
Final Analysis: Women like consistency. Bros are as consistent as they come, if not unoriginal. Gotta stick with what you know.
Well, that is all for this post. Part two will be up MAYBE tomorrow. I am horrible at this schedule thing but I will try my best to keep to it. This blog will be the last about bros for a while, as I have given them way too much time these last few days. I will be back soon. Until then, stay up and read the archives. There are some gems in there.
Chachi Out
So on Saturday (I think) I ranted about the signs of a bro. Well, on Sunday Joey Joe Joe and I went to Castle Rock (Where I bought a BALLIN ASS LEATHER JACKET for only $99. Pretty good price for fat mans’ sizes) and Dave & Buster’s (Or as Zach calls it “The Haven of Pinkeye”) and I swear to FUCKING GOD that about 70% of white males ages 16-34 are bros. Now that is skewed by the 20-28 age range but still: all white dudes have the same fucking haircut, the same fucking clothing and the same STUNTED ASS VOCABULARY! I fucking swear that people get dumber every year. We are three years away from regressing back to grunts and screams. I totally hate people right now.
There was a shocking trend that I saw at the Park Meadows Mall, too. Joe commented how all the females were there with bros which is normal because that’s what the norm is and women embrace the norm when it comes to dating men for the most part because that is what is acceptable. However, the awkward part is how all pissed the females looked as the bros spent all their time talking and flirting with…each other. Now as one who hates ALL PEOPLE I rarely care about your problems unless they overlap with mine as a friend. So unless your issue is caring about a woman too much or chronic masturbation we really can’t relate about much so odds are I am listening to you none and caring even less. So Griff, I don’t CARE if she doesn’t call so QUIT TELLING ME ABOUT IT….jackass.
So after noticing how bros are so detached from their girlfriends to the point that they complain and leave them (Which I have seen) and yet they go out and find….another bro. To which I believe that I have come across a scientific breakthrough. Since I stay droppin that knowledge on the peeps it is time for a double dip, mother-bitches! I am giving you TWO POSTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! Yes, you know you love it. So now, for part one of two for the….second part of my initial post. Yeah, I am just as confused as you are. First, I give you….
Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Date Bros.
Okay, get the GameCube and the scotch! Wish me luck!
Reason #1: Women Date Bros Because….It Is A Safe Pick.
Now this is a double reason. I have proven in previous posts that women are the new bros for emotional reasons but one I missed was fashion. Bros all dress the same. They shop at the same stores and wear the same styles. Trucker hat, vintage tee, cargo shorts and sandals. That is it. Go to the mall right now and tell me how many you see. A LOT. The simple fact is that the style that they have is lazy and counter-fashion. Which makes it fashionable because people are stupid that way. Since they all look the same and the bro look is in like the Wii, a woman dating a bro doesn’t make her look petty for dating for money or looks because they all look the same. Also, since all bros have the same mind set (Which is beer, bitches and bros before hoes) she knows what she is dealing with and therefore ends up being smarter than her counterpart. Tying it all together, dating a bro for a woman is like drafting a good left tackle or a great pursuit linebacker. You know exactly what you are getting and no one will make any judgments about your pick because everyone needs a great offensive tackle or a versatile linebacker.
Final Analysis: Dating bros is safe socially because since they are all the same, you really never take a logical chance. If there is one thing women DON’T do, it is take logical chances.
Reason #2: Women Date Bros Because….They Make Them Feel Smart.
Now it was weird when I came to this realization for the main reason that most bros are college aged and usually college grads (Frat Squid Pro Bro!). However, have you ever had a conversation with a bro? They are reciters (Not a word, but still). They recite whatever their idols tell them. So when your idols are based off of:
• Dane Cook (HE ISNT FUCKING FUNNY. Let it go)
• Dave Matthews (And I don’t really know what he stands for. But I am sure it sucks)
• Bono (Which automatically makes you a fucktard because he is the biggest douche to walk the face of the earth not named Hitler or Jesus)
• Family Guy (It WAS funny. Like three seasons ago)
• Colin Farrell (Yeah, we are about done here. Fuck the Irish!)
You aren’t exactly a Rhodes Scholar. Hell, you aren’t even good enough to get into Pepperdine. Therefore, most bros aren’t exactly great conversation pieces because they recite what they hear because most of them don’t have the mental capacity to understand anything past five letter words. Now let us take women into this equation. In a rant I believe I said it best: if women were as smart as they think they are, why aren’t there more female rhetors or inventors? Not to say that there are NONE, but they are few and far between. I have learned in my days that most women are not really good conversation pieces unless it is what they want to talk about, what they know (or think they know) or about themselves. Bros have no idea what to talk about because they are stupid. They don’t know anything unless it is drilled into their head violently and ad nausem (hence the popularity of Dane Cook. See, he serves a purpose! He teaches the stupid!) which women do CONSTANTLY no matter how wrong they are because that is how they argue. Lastly, bros will say whatever is necessary to get a woman into bed not because they are smart enough to know that but because they AREN’T smart enough to say something that makes sense to a woman when she tells him about her tattoos or her views on her sexuality (Like….the fucking truth). Add all of that up and you have a being that isn’t a threat to their perceived dominance over a relationship. When a woman doesn’t have to have conversation with someone that has any relevance whatsoever and can instead play to her strengths, they feel more comfortable. Quite simply, it’s like why pretty girls have ugly friends: it makes them look better.
Final Analysis: The more women feel like they are the smarter party, the better they feel about themselves. It’s the “Tallest Smurf” Theory: Even though you are the tallest Smurf, you are still a fucking Smurf. Even still, bros aren’t a bright bunch and women like to feel smart.
Reason #3: Women Date Bros Because….Bros Before Hoes!
Now this became the most counter-intuitive reason to date someone after I had a female friend explain this to me last year. You see, no matter WHAT a woman says, they have to be the center of attention. They are bred since birth to either sit back and be docile (which is bad) or always be at the forefront because you are woman and we should hear them roar (also bad). So in a relationship women need to be the focal point of the dynamic because SHE has the vagina and YOU are dating HER, not the other way around. From Valentine’s Day to lying about the fact she isn’t dressed like a whore (Old wounds, I know), the world is supposed to be about her. You know what? That is okay. Nothing wrong with wanting attention. However, my female friend explained to me that her brofriend (Heh, I am surprised I never used that before) spent the majority of his time with his friends. Now THIS is something that confused the hell out of me until I began to people watch more often. I would often see a bro with his friends (Because bros need the support of their homies because they are the new chick) while his girlfriend was walking a few feet behind them, totally detached from the conversation. Now I was told by another female friend in college that her boyfriend hanging with his bros left time for her to hang with her “girls” but in the SAME sentence she would complain about how he never spent any time with her and never listened because he was never around. Now as messed up as it sounds, it actually makes perfect sense. This not only gives them the ability to have drama to talk about when she goes out with her friends (Drama is like energon to females) but it gives her the ability to have drama with HIM about his actions. It is what we in the business call a “win-win”
Final Analysis: Since bros are just as self-absorbed as women are, they make for perfect catalysts for their own self-serving needs to be drama queens. Sometimes, being selfish is being self-less! Just like Jesus, minus the self-righteous rhetoric. And he had sandals!
Reason #4: Women Date Bros Because….They Are Fashion Misfits!
Now I am no fashion guru but hear me out on this one. We all know that women have the poorest fashion sense on the face of the fucking planet. Think I am wrong? Explain Grace Jones and Bjork. Go ahead, I’ll wait. See? You got nothing. You ever noticed how the women’s clothing and shoe section is about four to five times the size of the men’s section? Yet, have you noticed how often you see women dressed in the EXACT SAME shoes or outfit? In Denver, I see it quite often. Women’s fashion is based around either how much they can show off or how much they can alter their bodies to fit the generic vision of beauty. Which means that no matter how “different” their style CLAIMS to be, they still look just like the next girl. Which is why a woman’s’ wardrobe will consist of either shit that is too tight for them or shit that is just a little too tight for them. It’s about feigned individuality that is based in conformity. Since women embrace that, they embrace those that follow that.
Let’s go back to bros. I stated before that all bro fashion consists of the same stuff, no matter who they are:
• Cargo shorts/Cargo pants: I have said it once and I will say it again: unless you are on a fucking safari, cargo pants are gay. PERIOD.
• Sandals: They are gay. I mean they serve their purpose on the beach but you live in Colo-fucking-rado. Wear some fucking shoes.
• Trucker hats: You know, a co-worker of mine used to be a trucker and has a brother who is a trucker. Even THEY didn’t wear trucker hats. They aren’t trucker hats, they are dumb fucker hats. Man, I am surprised I never used that before.
• Vintage tees: And by vintage I mean from the 1980’s. Or shirts with Che Guerra on them which just reeks of social activism they know nothing the fuck about. What is with the Castro style shirts? Isn’t supporting a dictator….un-American? No Bush jokes because I don’t give a fuck about his sorry ass.
• Lifeguard shirts/hoodies: Okay, new rule. Unless you are a lifeguard…no wearing lifeguard paraphernalia. You are officially wearing a lifeguard uniform. If you are a lifeguard, more power to you. If not, from now on if you are dressed a certain way, you ARE a certain way. No questions asked
In other words, bro fashion is hella tacky. It is hippie-chic (Patent Pending, fuckers) and since hippies suck, those that copy hippies REALLY SUCK. Bros dress horrible but since people are stupid it is seen as fashionable. Add that with the fact that women’s fashion has gone downhill fast since gay men no longer design the clothes for them and you see why women date bros: they totally outshine them in the fashion department. You have observed them in public. When comparing the two, a woman easily looks better than her significant other in the fashion department because bro fashion is HORRIBLE while women’s fashion is just tacky. Tacky can be fixed with a actually matching color scheme and getting a size that fits (Wow…just like niggas. They need their clothes tighter, women need their clothes bigger. I am a genius!). Bros are easy to buy for because all you have to do is get them some Crocs and they are happy.
Final Analysis: Bros aren’t going to outshine their women, and as we all know, women have to be the Shawn Michaels to their boyfriends’ Marty Janetty. Yes, I just made a wrestling reference in context. I am on a ROLL, BABY!
Reason #5: Women Date Bros Because….It Is The Norm, For Better Or For Worse.
Now this took a lot of people watching and a LOT of uncomfortable question asking which actually gave me a better understanding of this and this leads into my next rant (Up hopefully tomorrow depending on how everything goes). I am not a professional by any means but in my experience and research, I have learned that there is a large community of women that do not thrive with the unfamiliar. I have seen time and time again women date the same kind of men and expect something different but at the end of the day after talking to them about it…they don’t expect or WANT something different. If your life has always been filled with drama, you expect it and if you don’t get it you either create it or seek it elsewhere. You can be rest assured that by nature bros are down for drama. Whether it is getting drunk and starting fights (Usually about them NOT being gay but FLAMING GAY) or neglecting her by broing out with the bros, they feed the need for some (Read: SOME) women and their need for drama. Even if the experience is bad, if there is familiarity with dating or showing interest in a certain kind of person one will migrate to that whether healthy or not. With that familiarity comes the acceptance of that behavior and even the treatment, whether it be good or bad. Since whenever I see white people whether it be on TV or in real life all males are bros (Sans Black dudes….which is another rant altogether) if a woman deviates from the norm that is set it causes to question their actions and take notice….and not on her terms. Which is a no-no.
Final Analysis: Women like consistency. Bros are as consistent as they come, if not unoriginal. Gotta stick with what you know.
Well, that is all for this post. Part two will be up MAYBE tomorrow. I am horrible at this schedule thing but I will try my best to keep to it. This blog will be the last about bros for a while, as I have given them way too much time these last few days. I will be back soon. Until then, stay up and read the archives. There are some gems in there.
Chachi Out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)