Even I Have My Secrets. Like I Use Secret Deodorant. It's Strong Enough For Me Too!

What is up, peeps?! Yes, I am back for the third straight day for the first time since April. Don’t getting used to that shit, though. So today, I thought I would try something a little bit different and level with the peeps. I am pretty open about myself and the only real guard I have up is one of rage and scathing humor because my self-esteem and pride were taken in small pieces by several women over the last 5 years or so. Rarely do I let the peeps in and see…the real me. Reason being is that inside me lies a evil that is yet to be unleashed on this world…and applesauce. I loves the applesauce. That and it is easy to have SOME kind of seperation from the persona that is Chachi and the man that is me. However, sometimes I do break the “4th Wall” and let you in to see a little bit about who I am and what makes me they way I am. There are some things I keep hidden from the world, only known by a select few people and animals. Today, I have decided to let you in and show you a little more about what makes me tick. Show you some of the things that I keep personal or hidden from you all for a myriad of reasons. Today, I break that wall down and let you know a few of…

Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!

Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”

Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…

Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee

Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…

Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads

Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:

• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)

• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)

Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.

More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU?! Good, That's Nice To Hear :)

My Blogger peeps have been bugging me about putting the new Countdown up and I totally spaced on it last Friday (So you three MySpace readers get a treat, I guess). I have been posting them on YouTube but I promised I would start posting it on the Passion again a few weeks ago, so here we are...I spoil you.

Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!

30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]

To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!

The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!

AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.

Chachi Out

Alcohol: The Great Stupifier

Okay, this is somewhat of a repeat from 2008, solely because I need to get back into the groove of writing posts. If you have never blogged everyday (Which I did in 2008) it is actually like another job. Only in this job I can completely kick it old school every now and then. Some of this is new, most of it is old and it is ALL OFFENSIVE. You know you love it and you love me. Now suck it up, mutha!

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.

So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:

• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat

Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?

Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.

What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.

Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere

You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:

1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:

A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…

Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.

Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:

"I am not for the war."

This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.

When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:

I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.

Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!

Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:

• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)

However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.

Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.

Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!

Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!

Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!

It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.

Chachi Out.

The Wang, Much Like The Internet...Is A Series Of Sperm Coated Tubes.

So I wanted to talk about something that I spoke about this weekend while getting my soju and galbi on. To take a step back, I saw about three minutes of “Megan Wants A Millionaire” and something I always knew was cemented and reinforced:

WOMEN ARE SELFISH

Now aint a damn thing wrong with that. It is like the way I feel about being shallow. You CAN be shallow but know that you can never complain about being unhappy if you are going to exclude people because of how they look. Now when I mentioned this show to a female friend she AUTOMATICALLY got on the defensive and pretty much put “women like that” on the fringe which to me is total bullshit but I am just a man that is scared of Bolivians so who am I to disagree, right? Really though, it really brought up a question about what it means to not only be shallow, but to be selfish.

Now the discussion got onto vasectomies versus the tying of tubes and something very interesting came about that had just hit me. Now in places I have worked and with people I have hung out with, the majority of the time I end up hanging with older women because…well, I only like college football and despise most other male oriented entertainment which pretty much puts me as a queer to other men. Which I could care less about anyway seeing as how organized sports is just acceptable homoerotic behavior as far as I am concerned. Yep, I went there. Anyway, I guess I am the male version of Oprah because people open up to me with their feelings like I get paid for it and give a shit (Usually I do, but sometimes I just want to gouge your eyes out) and always talked about personal aspects that I just kind of sat back and listened to. One that came up was the “I don’t want any more kids” discussion to which I would say “either tie your tubes or take it on the chin” which I thought was hilarious but as usual was met with the standard pointless femdom. They always said “well how come the man can’t get HIS tubes tied?!”

Well, ladies you need to understand something. When a building is condemned, do block it off from the general populace? Or do you cut off the highway LEADING TO THE BUILDING? Exactly, you block off the building. If you cut the power off, do you shut off the breaker to the building or do you cut off the power to the whole county? Exactly. Now first off, I don’t think anyone should tie their tubes ever because it is killing ants with a sledgehammer. You don’t want kids? Keep sperm from out of your fucking vagina. It isn’t FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! STOP FUCKING! OR FUCK SMARTER! OR SWALLOW! If you need to burn the crops and salt the Earth to stop something that you know how it occurs then you aren’t smart enough to be having sex.

Secondly, an important thought was brought up to me which I found on one end hilarious but on the other end painfully telling about how selfish the aspect of tying tubes is. For a man it takes about eight years for severed tubes to reconnect (Give or take, I’m no cockologist) which means that the troops are no longer marching for two Olympic years. Most marriages last between 5.7 and 7.1 years (Depending on the publications. Most Christian publications stated 10-12 years which is bullshit and liberal sites stated 2-4 years which I think is dead on but I have to be fair) which means that lets say they “decide” to have the man snip his tunnel two years in. That means if they get divorced in two years that she is free to get knocked up by some other motherfucker while he is shooting empty like a slip-n-slide with no people for the next few years. So quite simply, this is why I believe women want men to get vasectomies rather than them getting their tubes tied:

It’s not that they don’t want ANY more kids; they just don’t want to have any more of YOUR kids.

Science, peeps. I drops it. Call me Dr. Chachi. Hope you had a good laugh because I sure as hell did. I will be back another day.

Chachi Out

Black On Black Crime: The Name Of A Gay Pornographic Movie Just WAITING TO HAPPEN.

Hey peeps. I am back with something to say. First off, YES I know this is the first time I have blogged twice in a week in a while. It happens. Anyway, something happened today that validated a previous blog in when I stated (And I am paraphrasing here) that rap will never be what it once was do the the random acts of niggatry. I keep hoping to get proved wrong…but then asshatery like THIS happens:

For those of you that don’t know, it seems that Joe Buddens (The guy that did the song…from…um…oh yeah the last dance battle in “You Got Served”) dissed Method Man (The guy from “How High” and…”Red and Meth.” Shocked that shit got cancelled) by saying he was better than him. All of a sudden the whole Wu-Tang Clan, who suck without the crazy glue that is Ol’ Dirty Bastard, got all in his ass about claiming that. To which I say so the fuck what? Arent all the members of the Wu in their god damn thirties? I think that is when someone dissing you should roll off your back because YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING MAN! Yet, a few days ago someone decided it was a good idea to go all Michael Jackson’s “Bad” on Mr. Jumpoff and confront him at a festival and then one of them hauled off and hit him in the eye for some dumbass reason. Now that you are all caught up, I have a question for you. At what point do people decide what is a dumb ass idea? The whole concept of hip-hop beef is asinine to me but even more retarded is the thought process that acting like a fucking moron is actually LOOKED HIGHLY UPON BY PEOPLE. Especially Black people in which ignorance is bliss, but more on that later. When is it okay to bring a gang of people to confront ONE PERSON because he “dissed” your GROWN ASS FRIEND? I mean seriously? Is this shit needed? At what point does one just say “Chaaaa, you know what? I just got dissed by the modern day Rob Base. I’m good” rather than act like a 13 year old schoolgirl and spout off with a “OH NO YOU DI-ENT!” and slap their hands at eachother like Friday Night Sissy Fights (Chappelle reference? Anyone?) because they arent smart enough to just get a case of the Phukits? It’s why hip hop is fucking dead. I am just waiting for the “Hambone Comin” remix of Death of Autotune. And while I am talking about his trifiling ass, since when was Jay-Z an authority on anything musical? That nigga uses more samples than clinic and is going to state when a musical trend is over? You know, I’m not even upset at the autotune factor as much as I am upset at the statement about rap becoming “soft” which is something that I have been battling with for a long time. This is a problem that is all over rap now, and it has started a trend that I really am not a fan of:

Homophobia

Now that is a word that I don’t WANT to use. However I have just noticed in the conversations I have had recently with Black people on message boards and forums that there is a level of homophobia in the Black community that needs to be addressed and it is very heavy in the hip hop community:

Now as a straight male that…has “festive tendencies” I must say that the “how ya doin” and “suspect” comments about Blacks that the community things are gay ends up being closed-minded and overall bigoted. Now I am not saying that Black people and gays should join hands and sing “I Will Survive” at every rally but at least act like you understand that there is a plight and it isnt to be ridiculed or ostricized. Yeah, I went there. With all the shit that Black people have gone through, you are some of the most intolerant motherfuckers I have ever met. The only thing seperating Blacks and White conservatives are Confederate flags. Anyone remember the Prop 9 fiasco? Now I understand if you have your beliefs about gay marriage no matter what your race, age or religion. I am saying this, and I don’t care who you are and how well you know me. This is the truth about you, no matter who you are:

If you are against gay marriage, you are intolerant and bigoted. The fact you have the UNMITIGATED NERVE to tell someone that cannot (OR SHOULD NOT) get married to someone they love makes you the kind of person that wouldn’t give a stroller to a teen mother in need (Thanks for the awesome line, Kasey!) and I despise you more than I despise the Turks.

If Jesus was such a loving Jew, he would want ANYONE to pursue their happiness as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Two homosexual people together doesn’t hurt you any more than it hurts Black people that rappers sing. See the parallel? It’s there.

Oh, and for the people saying that marriage is a religious institution and the word of “God” determines what marriage is. Let’s do this: take all the LEGAL AND FINANCIAL BENEFITS from married people. THEN we will see where the skewers meet the meat, as Master Shake would say. Oh, and for those of you that say it says that laying with a man or woman if you are of the same sex is wrong in the Bible I have a few things for you to think about from your “book”:

1. There was a talking bush in the bible
2. A snake talked in there too, I believe
3. Fundamentally says that all humans are inbred because they were born from two people. All races came from those same people, too.
4. Murder happened every 10 minutes. Which is a sin I believe. More so than two chicks scissoring on their honeymoon, that’s for damn sure.
5. A multi-headed dragon. What the fuck is this, Final Fantasy VII? At least it made more fucking sense than the bible and FINAL FANTASY VII MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! Oh, and the movie of Sephiroth was better than the movie for Jesus no matter how many religious fuckbags lined up to see it. People say Transformers 2 and Scary Movie in droves, doesn’t make them any good.
6. Jesus was a Jew.
7. Jesus was a NAPPY HEADED Jew.
8. Jesus loved a bargain. It was why he was such a successful carpenter.
9. I’m pretty sure Judas was queer. You saw how he looked at Jesus. He wanted some divinity if you know what I mean. And I mean “teh gay savior sex.”

Offended yet? Good, that is how I feel about intolerance. Now I say a lot of shit on this blog that reeks of intolerance but at the end of the day, those that know me understand that I am actually one of the (shockingly) most liberal people you will meet. Why? Because who the fuck am I to tell someone who or where they can marry? Who am I to tell someone when or not to bring a child into this world. I think some people SHOULDN’T have children but to each their own. As long as we can make it a law, do what you want as long as it aint gonna hurt nobody:

Kid-N-Play were OBVIOUSLY GAY. Didn’t hurt nobody, though. I mean unless you messed up the Kick Step which was a concussion and a torn ACL waiting to happen. Anyway, it was a round-a-bout blog but the overall message is…um…knowing is half the battle?

YO JOE! GO SEE GI JOE RIGHT NOW!!!! That’s pretty much it. I will blog later on this week about something or another. Until then, stay up and quit being douchebags.

Chachi Out

You Know...I Really Don't Like TMZ.

Guess who is back in the MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE?! With a new blog for your motherfucking mouth! Yes, I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A MONTH SINCE AN UPDATE! First off, shut the fuck up. I am going through a mid-life crisis, you cockmongers. Now I know you say “You’re 28, you are no where near a mid-life crisis” and I tell you that you have a lot of fucking nerve and seeing as how I plan on being dead at 33 like Jesus (Give or take, depending on who you ask and who gives a shit) I am well overdue for a freakout. Things are better now; things are opening up and I have my “either this shit works or I am choosing the escape option FFVII style” plan set as well. In other words…I am fucking back:

Love that song. So with that being said, with it being a month or so since I updated a lot of shit has gone down. Aside from the MJ dying thing which I got over once I realized I didn’t know him and I own all the music from him I care about, there hasn’t been much to bitch about in July, mostly because I was too busy trying to get things back in order after the mindfuck that was the last five days of June. By the way, you know you are when I say this and if you read it I am shocked but I could still care less: EAT A DICK. If I wasn’t such a fan of Heathcliff I would fuck your cat and force you to watch. Or your bastardized creation of a dog.

Anyway, July was a slow news month for me and then…August hit. It is only three five days into the month and already the world has sunken into a level of dipshittery that even I can’t stop the anger about. Let’s get started shall we with the first ever…

Chachi’s Shit That Don’t Make Right Good Sense!

Can A Nigga Eat?

So I for one was glad to see Mike Vick get out of jail. I feel his punishment was too severe for the crimes committed but it is the law and that was the punishment. You can say what you will about my views and I will say to you: eat a dick. So he gets out of jail and people have the all out NERVE to say “he should be banned from football!” to which I say…really? Understand something here; I love dogs. I have had the same dog since Kool and the Gang was running around (Not really, but Shaolin is one old dog) and I would never make him fight other dogs for money because I know he would lose. He aint the toughest dog out there. The simple fact is that Mike Vick was just a small business owner that happened to break several laws and statues in the state of Virginia in regards to taking underpriviledged and disenfranchised dogs off the street and putting them in an environment that they could earn college credit by…killing eachother. Isn’t that the American dream? That and being the greatest professional wrestler of all time?

Okay, that’s just me. Either way, he fucked up. LEGALLY. Fuck your morals and your beliefs on animal rights because they don’t mean shit to me. He broke the law, he was punished and his debt to society has been paid. THE END. It should be up to the discretion of the NFL, the players union and the Pound Puppies on whether Vick should play again. The only thing PETA should be allowed to do is die because I hate them with a passion. I with sodomize a baby seal if it makes one member cry and those are drastic measures but I don’t like fuckwits.

The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that people ignore all the shit others have done but focus on Vick like he has done something worse than others. The Hall of Fame is full of wife beaters, child piledrivers, racists and even murders and no one says shit. Didn’t Ray Lewis stab a nigga DURING SUPER BOWL WEEKEND and he was named Super Bowl MVP? Didn’t Kobe Bryant have butt sex with a White woman (Every man’s dream, don’t you dare lie. It’s great!) and he got away with it? Weren’t Brett Farve and John Daly admitted alcoholics that nearly pissed away their careers? These were things that had NOTHING to do with the game. There wasn’t nary a dog on the field during those Atlanta Falcons games. What happened to those dogs…to me PERSONALLY…wasn’t tragic or wrong. It was illegal and he went to jail for it. That should be it, his time has been served, let this man live his life and leave the decision of whether he plays up to the league.

Women + Technology = NO

You know…I don’t even know what to think anymore. How can we vote for a woman president if they don’t understand THE BASICS? Now if you have ever read ANYTHING I have blogged then you know how I feel about women and technology. I am a firm believer in that if someone violates your privacy by taking pictures of you without your knowledge then that is messed up and you have all reason to be upset. However if you take naked pictures OF YOURSELF on a medium that is easily hacked and then get upset or in an uproar about when they are leaked…well you are on your own, buddy. This proves the Zebra Theory to a fact. Let’s takethis theory to Vanessa Hudgens

A few years ago (Hell, it may have been last year) she got caught in an issue about nude photos of her that were all over the interweb. Now no one knows how they got there, but they did. And everyone was all about the violation of her privacy. To a degree I have to agree but there comes a point where one has to say “You know…people out there have gotten my pictures once so maybe I SHOULD STOP DOING THIS!” Now every female says “It should be my right to take pictures of whatever I want on my phone and not have to worry about it being hacked!” and to that I say if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon. The facts are that people DO hack cell phones and even worse if you send them to your boyfriend and you break up…what the fuck where you thinking in the first place? Seriously? Naked pictures? You really expect them not to go anywhere? Gawd, you must be fucking dense.

Chris Brown and Rihanna….You Know What? Fuck It.

I am so sick of this crap. Not those two, they are just dumb kids doing dumb things. It’s with the people saying “How can she be so stupid?!” and calling Chris Brown a monster. First off, Chris Brown is about as tough as Snagglepuss and twice as queer. Secondly, and follow me on this one because I am going to move fast on this, it is Rihanna’s fault anyway. Now before you all sit back and say “OMG! You support domestic violence?!” I first must say I support punching people in the grill piece that act a fucking fool. Now with THAT being said I am not talking about the supposed ass-whoopin Rihanna got. I am talking about the fact that she could end this bullshit quickly by saying either she is or isn’t interested. By doing that, she creates closure on the subject so everyone can move on to lusting over Megan Fox or whatever. Instead, all she does is leave the door open and does random weirdness like she wants him back. Which is fine, but do understand that people are going to call you a dumbass for trying to stay with him even though he have you the Chris Brown Stunner:

Oddly enough, I am sure this is exactly how it went down. Minus the kick ass music, odds are “Kiss, Kiss” was playing. Either way, both are doing this for the publicity and forgetting the fact that women everywhere are learning that it is okay to go back to a man that kicks your ass in public as long as he can dance. See: Bobby Brown and James Brown. And Chris Brown? What is up with dudes with the last name Brown smacking up on women? I may have just created science, fool!

Well, it’s good to be back. I will drop something else soon. Until then…keep it real.

Chachi Out

Decisions, Decisions....

Okay, it has been a minute and a blog will be up this weekend unless something major comes up. And by major I mean soju and karaoke. If that does come to pass...just go ahead and scratch up a blog for Monday. Until then, it is time for the staple!

Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!!

And here we are!

30. BoA - Energetic (New Entry)
29. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #14) [Plunge of the Week]
28. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #30)
27. Jasmine - Sad To Say (New Entry)
26. Remioromen - Starting Over (Last Week #28)
25. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #17)
24. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #27)
23. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (New Entry)
22. Mihimaru GT - Switch (Last Week #12)
21. Minwoo - Minovation (Last Week #20)
20. B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray - Put Me On (Last Week #22)
19. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #9, Four Weeks at #1)
18. BIG BANG - Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #24)
17. YUI - Sea (Last Week #16)
16. Seamo - My Answer (Last Week #26)
15. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #11)
14. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
13. Ikimonogakari - Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #19)
12. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)
11. FLOW - NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #13)
10. 2NE1 - I Dont Care (Last Week #21) [Biggest Mover]
9. Kumi Koda - Lick Me (Last Week #7)
8. 4 Minute - Hot Issue (Last Week #10)
7. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #15)
6. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #3)
5. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #8)
4. SNSD (Girls Generation) - Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #5]
3. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #4)
2. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #2)
1. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

YA-KYIM holds on for another week on top while Chae Yeon holds on to the runner up spot once again. Madcon becomes the highest non J-Pop or K-Pop video since Maxwell. Can they become the first American artist since Jesse McCartney to hold the top spot?

Also, JASMINE (That one is for warriorsoul:) lol!) , Shion Tsuji (SHE'S BACK!) and BoA (She's back too!) debut this week which should make for a very interesting August. It looks like Se7en and Tohoshinki are spending their last weeks on the Countdown while BIG BANG, Seamo and 2NE1 all make big moves this week.

Well, tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can continue their run to Artist of the Year (The nominees for the 2009 Chachi Music Video Awards will be announced October 2nd! Stay tuned!)? Or will Chae Yeon FINALLY capture the top spot after a month in the Top 3? Or can someone else grab the crown?

See you in seven to find out!

Chachi Out

So Um...Remember Me?

Okay, I havent posted a Countdown in like...a month and since YouTube decided to be cockmongers and delete my account I am going to start doing both again. So, I bring to you the return of...

Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!

Oh yeah, I forgot to let you know it is up to 30 videos now. Yeah, I spoil you. And AWAAAAAAAAAAAY WE GO!

30. Inoue Joe – GO!! (New Entry)
29. YUI - Again (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1)
28. Remioromen - Starting Over (New Entry)
27. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (New Entry)
26. Seamo – My Answer (New Entry)
25. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #16)
24. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #29)
23. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #18)
22. B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray – Put Me On (Last Week #27)
21. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (New Entry)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #22)
19. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #24)
18. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #19)
17. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #13)
16. YUI – Sea (Last Week #17)
15. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #21)
14. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #7)
13. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #15)
12. Mihimaru GT – Switch (Last Week #8)
11. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #6)
10. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #12)
9. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #5, Four Weeks at #1)
8. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #14)
7. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #10)
6. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
5. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #11]
4. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #9)
3. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #2)
2. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #3)
1. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)

For the third time of 2009, YA-KYIM tops the Countdown! You missed it for the most part but 2NE1 dominated for the last month until LM.C came out on top last week but they fall this week. Well, watch and enjoy! I will see you next Friday!

Chachi Out

I Had To Come Back, The Blog Game Needs Me.

What is up, people?! I am back very quickly as I have to be up in Denver in the morning but I know it has been a while since I gave you something to step to. Timbaland style. However, I wanted to first off let everyone know that I am NOT DEAD. Secondly, I want to give a collective FUCK YOU to all the people that like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. You are free to like what you like…but I hope you die. It makes things easier for the normies.

You know, this whole people liking Transformers thing doesn’t bother me as much as I am bothered about the 75% of the fucktards that weren’t offended by the Negrobots, the Nazitron and the Wopzord despite it being PG-13 (Oh, and the usage of “shit” and the sexual innuendo because we all know that there are no normal people…anywhere) and yet complained about “Watchmen” having blue cock and being “confusing.” Now we all know that Watchmen wasn’t for everyone. That is why it was rated “R” and came out in March. Yet, everyone went to see it and I had to sit there and hear people in the theater bitch about how “OMG! Dude that’s a COCK! THAT’S FUCKED UP!” and people that brought their GOD DAMN KIDS HAD THE NERVE TO BE OFFENDED AND COMPLAIN. First off, if you take your children to a R rated movie and you are offended then you forgo all your rights for anyone to give a shit. It’s called restricted for a reason: people that cant handle adult situations need to stay the fuck out because the ability to watch an adult movie is an adult responsibility. You can’t handle it than get the fuck out because you KNEW what you were getting into if you saw the trailers or read the damn graphic novel.

With that said, I heard a lot of bitching about the plot of the Watchmen being to difficult to follow while Transformers plot was “good” because it was straightforward. Everyone, understand something:

STRAIGHTFORWARD = RETARDED

There, I said it. If you are retarded or know a retard, don’t be upset at me. Be upset at the fucktards giving real tards a bad name. God…I am totally in dick mode right now but you all deserve it. Apologies to the tarded, here is something for you:

Guess I must be retarded because I love that show. Oh, and Dale was a tarmunk. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whooo…going to hell. Anyway, I watched Transformers and felt like it was an insult to the little intelligence that I DO have just by acting like they gave a shit about the plot. You see, the issue that people have with the movie is this: Transformers CAME FROM SOMETHING. It had a backstory, a fanbase and a origin that should have been USED if you were going to use the NAME. Now if Christopher Nolan met with Warner Brothers about Batman and said:

"You know, I know Batman is supposed to be a tragic story about a boy that loses his family to crime so he triumphantly decides to be come a symbol and protect those from evil so no one ever has to feel his pain. Great story and yadda yadda ya. But I am thinking this: let’s turn Batman into a jive talking cat-person that cracks jokes and dances along to some to 70’s funk music. Oh, and he doesn’t fight crime at all. He beats up Indians and rapes their buffalo all to Linkin Park in the background. IIIIIIINNNNNN TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and I need $225 million dollars to make this shitball plus 8% of gross. Plus, Dane Cook has to voice the cat. That is one funny motherfucker."

Okay, you see how that sounds? Bad, right? That is how I feel about Transformers. Ladies, a lot of you didn’t get that mostly because your brain is smaller than the brain of a man and can’t handle things like “words” and “thinking” so I will break it down like this: if they pitched the “Sex And The City” movie to execs and when it came out, the movie starred the Golden Girls (Which in my opinion would make for a better damn movie because at least the Golden Girls were fucking funny):

*Sigh* rest in piece, Bea Arthur. I personally thought she was hilarious in Maude when I watched the repeats. You see how bad of an idea that is? See how they took something you loved in its ORIGINAL FORM and they bastardized it to the point that it was unrecognizable to you as a fan but pandered to the lowest common demoninator which is the Fuckwits of the United States by blowing shit up, showing clevage and making ethnically charged humor the key to getting a god damn laugh? Congrats, you have what Michael Bay did to Transformers. TWICE.

Now I will be the first to admit it was my fault for seeing the movie. I mean I could have spent my money to see Star Trek again (A MOVIE THAT GOT A REBOOT FUCKING RIGHT AND SHOWED HOW YOU TAKE A CLASSIC PROPERTY AND MAKE IT ROCK HARDER THAN FAKE TITS IN SIBERIA!) but instead I spent my money on a movie that I hoped would recapture my excitement about the animated movie in a way the original failed to do. Instead…I got robo-balls:

Really? IS THIS WHAT OPTIMUS PRIME TOOK ALL THOSE ASS WHOOPINGS FOR?! GOD DAMN IT! Honestly, people that sit back and say “It has robots, its Transformers! Quit complaining!” need to be beaten. With a baby. Tied to a kitten. If they remade “Passion of Christ” and replaced Jesus with Katt Williams and made it with a soundtrack provided by The Neptunes I am sure you Jesus freaks would have a god damn puppy. I look at it the same way because Optimus Prime > Jesus. Yeah, I fucking said it and if you don’t like it then close your fucking browser. I went to see something expecting it to be based of some semblance of the original property and I got…I don’t know what I got. All I know is that I am calling for a ban on Shia LeBeouf to be in any movie that has ties to anything from the 80’s because he has killed Indiana Jones AND Transformers. Yet, they both did $300+ million at the box-office so what do I know? I know that you all that liked those movies are why baby Jesus cries and won’t come back. Well, that and the whole nails in his hand thing. Kind of holds a grudge…now that the bandages on his hands are off. ZING!

Whooo….it’s good to be back.

The offending of people has returned. All it takes is motivation, hatred and soju. Not in that order, though. Matter of fact, fuck the hatred. Then again, fuck the motivation too! Gimme that bottle! I am out, but I will be back after whatever happens this weekend.

Chachi Out

Celebrate Freedom. Powerbomb An Englishman.

First things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:

Damn you, Griff. Now you got me doing it. Now I am sure that a lot of you are all like “WHOOO! Fourth of July! Let me celebrate the freedom of this nation by kicking the shit out of an Indian and making a nigger pick my cotton! USA! WHOOOO! SKYNARD!” and to that I say cool. If you AREN’T doing that then you are missing the reason to be proud to be an American: wanton, rampant and unapologetic douchery to those that are lesser than you. So Indians, find a Turk and smack the shit out of them for America. You earned it. US-MOTHERFUCKING-A!

Now some of you would see that statement as being unpatriotic. Well, fuck your face. The Fourth of July is just another holiday for rednecks to see reason to shoot off fireworks, get drunk of Keystone and talk about how great America is over let’s say…a train. Simpsons reference. Well, I honestly don’t give a shit about any holiday except Valentine’s Day in Japan because I like getting gifts without the bullshit of whether it is Jesus’s or Santa’s birthday and all the lame ass carols. So much like St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco De Mayo and Yom Kippur, this is another holiday to give White people a reason to do something borderline illegal and not feel like shits. Well, you know what? YOU ARE WHITE. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE SAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE AWESOMENESS OF BEING WHITE TO FALL BACK ON! Besides, it was Indepencence from the British we are celebrating, not whatever in the hell we celebrate now. So instead of honkeys shooting off fireworks at Wolven awful hours of the night yelling “WHOOOOO! USA!” we should do what our slave-raping forefathers INTENDED FOR US TO DO. And that is powerbomb the shit out of an Englishman:

BTW, that is Canada giving the clothsline to complete the Doomsday Device. If anyone knows about kicking the shit out of someone with a wrestling move, it’s the Canadians. If wars were held in steel cages or on ladder, you best believe Canada is who I want taging with us over England. Now THAT would reek of awesomeness:

Man, now Edge and Christian would make an awesome President and Vice-President. Could you imagine Kim Jong Il getting a Conchairto for being such a douche? I can and it would be the most awesome moment since the first time I saw the commercial for the Transformers train set.

Well, with that being said I hope you all enjoy your 4th of July. Odd how people are celebrating their independence from our current only ally aside from Poland. Can’t forget Poland:

I lol’d. Anyway, I have a new catchphrase for today….

Celebrate freedom. Powerbomb an Englishman.

Chachi Out

Now I'm On That Soju Again, Oh S**t, You Know I'm Back!

I AINT DEAD, MOTHERFUCKERS! I am BACK AND I AM FILLED WITH FURY! Oh, and soon to be filled with soju. Yeah, it’s how I deal with my problems so FUCK YOU, FUCKY. Soju doesn’t judge me or lay me off because I am keeping my options open because I am about to get fired. YEAH, I SAID IT. But again, those are the breaks and I am pretty much over it. When you have good friends, it makes things like this easy to handle. Thanks to Copper and Kasey for being down for the team. When I get my superpowers and hold the world at bay with my evil intentions, you will be my Gin and Tousen. Or my Bebop and Rocksteady, depending on whether I want to go the demented ninja master route.

So I will finish up the 101 Things That Piss Me Off next week (Only thirty left so you can pretty much guess them) due to some irritations on this end. Also, I think I will do a blog this weekend about something. It was GOING to be Michael Jackson but since Black people get Niggamnesia about the King of Pop I just will let it go because I honestly haven’t thought about the dude since America’s Best Dance Crew and I am not going to act like I am broken up or shocked about it. Reports of painkillers were rampant for over 10 years or so after all that has happened to his body so if you are shocked then you don’t know their long term effects in massive doses. And before you get sand in your vaginas NO it doesn’t take away from him as an artist but it doesn’t make me feel like he is any more tragic than James Brown when he died. The man was on Ike Turner levels of beating his wife but he was still the Godfather of Soul and Hot Tub Man #1:

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Too hot in the hot tub! Always funny…unlike Eddie Murphy now. Anyway, I will leave Michael Jackson alone for now and let people with short-term memory remember him how they want to. He will always be the big-nosed kid with the afro doing the robot to “Dancing Machine” and the guy that convinced me to buy a Sega Genesis and spend countless quarters on that DAMN GAME THAT I COULDN’T BEAT TO SAVE MY GOD DAMNED LIFE:

Damn, those special moves should be in every game. Could you imagine that shit in Ninja Gaiden? Might make that game beatable. Naaaah. Anyway, rest in peace Mike. You will be missed. Especially by Tito. He was THIS CLOSE to getting that hit! I will be back up soon. Oh, and for those of you wondering why I don’t post the Countdown anymore, I have it on my YouTube channel now for the most part. Check it out when you get the chance. I will be back up soon and more often. Until then, stay up peeps. AND I AM BACK, BITCHES!

Chachi Out

Monday: Sucking Ass Since The Dawn Of Time

After about a week I am back and I am sorry for the absence. Things are bugging me but now that I know no one else gives a shit, neither do I. What can one do? Anyway, I want to finish something up…

101 Things That Piss Me Off!

We are in the 30’s right now so lets get moving!

39. SPIKE TV: So, um…since when was UFC and shitty action movies the sign of being a man? I seem to have missed the boat on this one and maybe it is because I am 70/30 gay that fluctuates damn near hourly but I have only watched one show on SPIKE and that was TNA Wrestling. And the only reason for that is that there is no America’s Best Dance Crew on. More on the “manly man” bullshit later but Spike has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. And if you say UFC…you gay, boy. Go look at some yaoi and paddle yourself YOU SICK FREAK.
38. Justin Timberlake: Well…I dunno. I mean J-Tim has been working my nerves for about a year now because he is Blacker than I am. Not a shock or a big deal but man I think people need to remember that this dude was the lead singer of N’SYNC which wasn’t the bastion of Blackness. At least Backstreet Boys had the ballad down. “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” anyone?
37. Tim & Erick Awesome Show: FUCK THIS DUMB ASS SHOW. If anyone can tell me why this show is still on and Code Monkeys isn’t I will punch your baby dead in the face because you are a MOTHERFUCKING LIAR. This show sucks; Black Steve was awesome. Die, honkey, die! Priceless!
36. People on bikes: Okay, if you stay out of the road we are cool. But the moment your punk ass steps in the realm of the car, all your rights no longer exist. You know who you are and if you act like you have four wheels you are going to get handled like you have four wheels.
35. Mountain Dew’s “Game Fuel”: Yes, if there is one thing gamers need it is another thing to keep them in the basement and awake playing Counterstrike or World of Warcraft. Mountain Dew is just Satan’s piss anyfuckingway so I don’t see the big deal. Nasty stuff. Now the Livewire was heart-stopping goodness.
34. Cargo Shorts: Okay, unless you handle cargo or use 70% of the pockets for actual shit then don’t wear them. Especially with flip flops or sandals. God, I hate white people.
33. Egg Salad: Mayonaise + eggs – tuna or chicken = NOT FUCKING FOOD. It’s a waste of good eggs. Whose bright idea WAS THIS?!
32. University of Nebraska: Ugh, the Cornhuskers irk the shit out of me. YES I know a lot of this has to do with me being a CU alum but man, I really don’t like that state. Anime Nebraskon will be an event of either boredom or drunken awesomeness because I can’t do Lincoln again sober.
31. CNN: If MSNBC sucks and Fox News REALLY sucks then what does CNN do? Not a god damn thing. The only thing it has going for it is Anderson Cooper and he is a fucking creepy ass albino that needs to have his feet cut off because he is a demon. CNN has very little of relevance on and the good stuff they DO have on is usually done better by the two shittier networks.
30. Triple H: If you don’t watch wrestling then you don’t understand my hatred of this guy. Every six months it seems like Triple H is beating up someone that I would rather be champ (Yes, I am a wrestling fan and yes, I totally want to make the sweet love to Maryse). From RVD to Chris Jericho to Edge it feels like he lives to screw up anything good that comes about. It’s like watching a 50 Cent video.

Well, we are down to the 20’s for the next time which I hope to have up before next week. Want to do it before Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen which YES I will be seeing because I am hoping beyond hope that Shia LeBeouf with fucking die a gruesome death. Odds are no, though. It’s how my life has gone. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

Father's Day: Even Child Touching Priests Get A Day?! Wait....

What is up, peeps?! I am back and it is time for the 20 biggest videos on this blue orb we call Earth! Let's get started!

20. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #16)
19. Mihimaru GT - Switch (New Entry)
18. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
17. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
16. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #15)
15. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #18)
14. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)
13. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #17)
12. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #9)
11. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (Last Week #20) [Biggest Mover]
10. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #6)
9. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #12)
8. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #10)
7. YUI - Again (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
6. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #8)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #4)
4. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #7)
3. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #5)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #3)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

2NE1 made it two straight weeks on top while Tohoshinki rebounds back to the runner-up spot. Maxwell comes in at number three and brings R&B back to the Top Three for the first time since John Legend a few months back. LM.C has made the biggest news, hopping up an astounding NINE SPOTS this week! We also have a debut from the returning Mihimaru GT!

See you in seven to see if 2NE1 can make it three weeks at the top! Or will Tohoshinki take the number one spot for boy bands everywhere? Or can Maxwell make the most of his first ever foray and take the throne?

See you next week, peeps!

Chachi Out!

Even With All The Bullshit, I STILL Drop Jems Like Jacob The Jeweler!

A little conversation from today...

[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: There are just too many fucking pictures
[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: And 70% of them are (to no surprise) of the bride
[20:22] JenovahX80: duh. no one else matters
[20:22] c0mpu73rb0y: Yeah, I know this
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: I'm just bitching because I wonder how it is any man would want to go through this shit
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: marriage
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: And not so much that
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: Just the wedding part
[20:24] JenovahX80: because for the most part, men are fucking idiots
[20:25] c0mpu73rb0y: Guys let themselves get into a crazy amount of debt JUST for ONE fucking day that they really don't want to show up for anyway.
[20:26] JenovahX80: dude, men are fucking dumb
[20:26] JenovahX80: only way to explain it
[20:26] JenovahX80: beacuse the logic of it is lost on me
[20:29] JenovahX80: anyway, marriage is like a one sided contract for socks
[20:29] JenovahX80: sure its great to have them, but at the end of the day is it worth signing your life away for a lifetime supply?
[20:29] JenovahX80: when you could just buy them when you need them instead?
[20:29] c0mpu73rb0y: hahahaha
[20:30] c0mpu73rb0y: Best quote EVER
[20:30] JenovahX80: i know, right?
[20:30] JenovahX80: thats going on myspace

And it did. And Blogger, too. Except for Rick; Jen's cool. For everyone else out there...LOVE STINKS! Yeah yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully.

Chachi Out

Just Like Jesus, I Keeps The Party Moving!

What is up, peeps?! Depending on my motivation I am going to start typing and see where I finish. First, I want to continue what I started last week. We have made it into the 40’s of…

101 Things That Piss Me Off!

We are getting closer to the end of this, so let’s keep it moving!

49. Flirty Girl Fitness: Sigh, this is part of the reason that women’s duality equals their lack of progression. Honestly, I think I touched on this prior but it needs to be explained to women that you cannot be so blissfully ignorant and still expect people to give a shit about you or your opinions. Honestly, the next person that I see say this is a good idea but then insult a stripper is getting cunt punched. I may not LIKE rappers but I don’t steal what they do for my own gain. What is even better is you aren’t gaining anything. Being fit? Get married, then it won’t matter anymore. Vanity is the name of a Prince protégé and THAT IS IT. ZING!
48. The Jonas Brothers: I don’t really know of their work but all I know is that I think they suck. Mostly because one of them dumped Miley Cyrus and she will so be my baby boo in 2010. Gotta mess up a Jona Brother for hurting my future baby mama!
47. The Cancellation of Pushing Daisies: WHAT THE FUCK?! I knew this was going to happen and I touched on this before but man…why is this show off the air? Yet “Lost” and “Heroes” are still out there sucking up the airwaves. America, I fucking hate you. There, I said it. This is what you got rid of:

You got rid of Kristin Chenoweth and her fine ass. FUCK YOU, PEOPLE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ASSHATERY.
46. Saturday Mornings: Remember back when Saturday mornings included multiple bowls of cereal, hours of animated goodness, an hour of Saved By the Bell and Soul Train? Well, those days are over and it pisses me off. Not for me, but for the children. I mean what can we expect for the future if all that is on is kids battling monsters. You wonder how Michael Vick got his ideas? I’ll tell you: Pokemon. Think about it.
45. Popped Collars: God, people are still doing this shit? Only two people can do this: The Fonz and E-40. And aint none of you the Sultan of Cool or 40 Water so STOP IT NOW. Before I staple the collar to your fucking shoulders to keep it there.
44. Green Day: Take U2, divide the talent in half and divide the pretentiousness by about ½ and you have Green Day. God, I have never been a fan but when people TELL me I should like them because of…some unexplained reason that only Rolling Stone and MTV know I have a huge problem. “Dookie” is a long time ago.
43. KAT-TUN: Okay, I really dig American boy bands but Japanese boy bands really arent my cup of tea. Which is shocking because Tohoshinki and even SMAP is good (Albeit in small doses). Something about having your own cartoon and not being MC Hammer kind of turns me off. That and I hate the three songs I have heard from them.
42. Greenpeace: I swear, you little shits make me want to find the first baby seal I see and fuck it WHILE I club it. I am so sick of you motherfuckers stopping me on the 16th Street Mall asking me if I give a shit about the endangered species de jour. Fuck you and fuck the cute little animals. Let’s try saving hip hop first. Then I will give a fuck about the star-bellied sneetches you brain-dead fuckwits.
41. Magic Johnson: My god, you make basketball unberable. If John Madden had an equally stupid Blackbrother with the uncanny ability to not only restate the obvious but butcher the most simple analysis and add in the most nonsensical input since the fucker who desided it was a good idea to let Craig Ehlo guard MJ one on one…it would be Magic Johnson.
40. ESPN: To go along with the previous point, ESPN has gone from somewhat entertaining to so full of itself I get more sports information from Stephen Colbert. I don’t understand how a network so dedicated to sports can only really focus on…one channel set. It seems like everything is on ABC or ESPN sports-wise and if you arent on those networks then you don’t really exist. I got more NHL coverage from the Canadian clerk at the 7/11 than I did from ESPN and he even has a strong ass mullet to make it all authentic. And I got a half-priced Red Bull once. ESPN has its favorites and that is fine but just sit back and say it. You are LOCATED in New England and you support New England sports teams. Call it like it is. More on Bawston later…fuckers.

Well, I need to head out as I work today…and have to be up in like 5 hours so I am out for now. I will try to get to the 20’s by Friday and get to the Top 10 by next week. Stay tuned, peeps! Also, depending on the bus ride I may do a blog this week at some time. Copper kind of lit a fire under my ass and it has been about two months since I have done one. So look forward to that (Maybe) and I will be back soon.

Chachi Out

Another Friday, Another Spazz Out...

Okay, peeps I am back for another week and another countdown of the twenty biggest videos on the planet! Here we go!

20. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (New Entry)
19. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #15, Three Weeks at #1)
18. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (New Entry)
17. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #20)
16. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #12)
15. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #18)
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
13. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
12. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #16) [Biggest Mover]
11. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
10. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #13)
9. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #6)
8. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #11)
7. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #9)
6. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #3)
5. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #7)
4. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #5)
3. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #2)
2. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)

As you can see, YUI's reign is over! After two weeks on top, she is taken down by the upstart 2NE1! DSKB (I think that's right...one of their TEN NAMES) falls a spot to number three after being leapfrogged. We have a first time entry for LM.C (HELLS YEAH!) and the return of YA-KYIM! They already have two number one videos in 2009, can they make it three? Se7en returns to the Top 10 for the first time since 2006 while Shion Tsuji and BoA look to be on their way off the Countdown after more than six months of hanging on.

Well, I will see you next week to see if 2NE1 can make it two weeks on top or if YUI can rebound and take back her throne. Or can Abingdon Boys School return to the top? See you in seven!

Chachi Out

Just Like The Real 50's, Kind Of A Lull...

Okay, I am back. I haven’t been up since last Wednesday (I believe, last week was kind of rough) for which I feel kind of bad. However, I am tired as hell right now after having to be in Denver for work at 7am but that once again is life. So with that being said, I guess it would be best to begin with this: CHAE YEON IS DAMN FINE:

Hells yeah. All I have to say. Now that I have that out of the way. Wait, let me watch that again. Okay…I think I’m good. So it is time for good stuff! Here is the next installment of…

101 Things That Piss Me Off!

We have made it into the 50’s! Shouldn’t I be at the back of the blog? ZING!

59. People With Their Feet Out The Window When Driving: Yeah, this shit is fucking disgusting. If you do this, I hope you get AIDS of the feet. Assholes.
58. American Idol: Now I haven’t watched a full season of this show since Ruben Studdard and after Daughtry didn’t win I decided that the world was fucked up anyway but has any redeeming quality come from this show? I mean I haven’t been entertained since I was confused about Clay Aiken and what the hell he was. Oh, and the answer was gay. I SO CALLED IT! Anyway, this show sucks now.
57. Narutards: Okay, I am as much of a Naruto fan as anyone else. I stopped watching the show after a while because there was more filler than killer and it is so far behind the manga that it isn’t even funny anymore but my issue is with the fans under the age of 17. I mean…do NOT WEAR THE PUSSY DEFLECTORS AND BY ALL MEANS DO NOT DO JUITSUS IN PUBLIC! You make us all look bad. Just…stop. Unless you are a hot Sakura. Then you can do what you want…to me, anyway.
56. WNBA: Okay, if there is nothing on I have tested my tolerance and I can watch about 12 minutes of women’s’ college basketball, including commercials. It is actually enjoyable to watch in short intervals. In no way do I LIKE it, but it is entertaining. But the WNBA…I have no idea what happens when women go pro but man they just stop giving a shit. It is the most god awful sport since sloth wrangling. Yes they are athletes and YES they are better than me at basketball but they are supposed to be. They are also entertainers and they fail at that because I have no idea who their fans are but I don’t know any.
55. Butt Secks: …Yeah, I am just going to say never again. All that results is tears and an awkward next 30 minutes.
54. Push Up Bras: Okay, I understand the need for a woman to feel “pretty” because…well, you are just like that. Which is fine, I like to feel pretty as well. But let’s face it here; the need for the push-up bra died the day I saw Yoobin from the Wonder Girls:

My god…MOAR. If she doesn’t need one then neither do you, ladies. Cuz aint none of you Yoobin. She’s so…so…so…hot, hot. REFERENCE!
53. Vintage Tees: Okay, just iron your fucking shirt. How can a vintage tee shirt be something YOU JUST FUCKING BOUGHT FROM THE DOUCHE STORE? Gee, vintage tee shirt with The White Stripes or Axe Body Spray on it? Yeah, real vintage fucky.
52. Health Insurance: Biggest racket in fucking America. Such damn bullshit that you have to pay for shit in case it happens and when it DOES happen they say…nah, not today. Fuckers.
51. Bubsy 3D: WORST. GAME. EVER.

Well, maybe not THE worst but boy is it close. More on the worst game ever later on.
50. Alternative Rock: Alice In Chains. Pearl Jam. Soundgarden. Sonic Youth. A host of others (Minus Nirvana). Back in the 90’s, alt rock was awesome. As a Black (I think that’s what we are called now) I wasn’t really allowed to be a fan but I didn’t care. Since then we had Candlebox, Cracker, Filter and some other smaller named bands but for the most part once Marcy Playground hit the world of alt rock went to shit. Where has it gone? The closest we have to it now is fucking Simple Plan and aside from ONE SONG they suck ass. It’s getting rather disheartening. And to the first person that says Nickelback is to the first person whose cat will get facefucked. I am so cereal.

Well, that is all for today. I will be back up hopefully on Wednesday with the 40’s. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

God, Mondays STILL SUCK.

What is up, peeps! Once again I totally spaced on this but I have it up a tad bit late. It is time for...

Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!

Now that it is on YouTube I have been slacking on the post but I will make sure I have it up by Saturday. And away we go!

20. Chae Yeon - Shake (New Entry)
19. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris - How Do You Sleep (Last Week #15, One Week at #1)
18. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (New Entry)
17. Pitbull - I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #14)
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #20)
15. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #9, Three Weeks at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #16)
13. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #18)
12. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #10)
11. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #13)
10. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
9. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #12)
8. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
7. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #11)
6. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #4)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #6)
4. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #7)
3. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #2)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #5)
1. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

YUI is on top once again with Tohoshinki and Kanye West on her heels! Maxwell and Stereopony are both looking very good right now as well. Tune in this Friday (Maybe Saturday, depending on if I stay in Denver or not) to see if YUI can make it three weeks in a row on top!

I will have another post up shortly. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

God, This Is Going To Be The Most Annoying Week Ever.

Well, I am back! Decided to keep the party going and give you the wild and crazy sixties of…

101 Things That Piss Me Off!

Here we go with 69-60…

69. Kurt Cobain: Okay, you all know I am a firm believer in to each their own. If you think that a minimally talented, mush mouthed, incoherent, drug addicted pointless songwriter is the voice of your generation and one of the best artists of all time then that is quite alright. You would be a fucking dumbass, though. I never thought Kurt Cobain was that good NOR that talented. He was a change of pace from the 80’s hair bands and people latched on to him like he was the next fucking Jimi Hendrix. He wasn’t even the next Bobby Jimmy & The Critters:

Heh, that song makes me smile. On the other hand, Kurt Cobain fans make me want to Cobain them. Too soon? Naaah.
68. Mode 7: You Nintendo fans remember this bullshit. “Whoa! I can turn the screen 360 degrees! GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CONSOLE GAMING EVER!” Fuck you, Nintendo fans. Mode 7 was just simple technique of texture mapping that allows rotation and scaling. You can do the shit in PowerPoint. Besides, nothing compares to BLAST PROCESSING!

Sega does what Ninten-don’t, mofos! GENESIS 4 LIFE!
67. SMART Cars: I hate those little fuckers. If the Prius made me want to kill the owner, the Smart car makes me want to rape their cat in front of them. Then kill them. Then eat a breakfast burrito. I like those. But mostly kill them.
66. BET: Man…no. Remember back when BET not only played videos, but GOOD videos? Whatever happened to LeVert?! What about some Troop or Anita Baker?! Now I have to hear about some trifling ass niggas talking about “Booty Doo” and “Whooty” and I say niggas fuck up everything. There, I said it. Remember “Generations”?! BRING BACK VIDEO SOUL! Or Rachel on Caribbean Rhythms. Damn, she was fine. Lordhavmercy!
65. Flirty Girl Fitness: Okay, let me get this straight. Women want to dance like a stripper but not be called one? Really? See, this is why women never get anywhere. Your simple asses are self-defeating. I swear, niggas and women need to have a convention and talk about their stupidity because that makes no sense. At what point is marketing dancing like a stripper but not being one seen as fucking sane? It’s like if I started the “Hood Life Workout Plan” and had you get skinny by running from the police and smacking up women for not having “yo money” and not admitting that it’s the stupidest idea since wildebeest flavored lion cage cleaner outfits. God, I hate women.
64. Stopping to shoot in the Resident Evil Series: Not as much as I hate this bullshit. If zombies are coming at your ass at what point do you stop? “ONOZ, ZAWBEEZ! I NEED 2 PWN DEM BUTT FURST I MUST STAWP AND FYRE! NOZ BITING! EPIC ZAWBEEZ FAIL!” Yeah, that’s what it sounds like I’m sure. This series has been out for at least 10 plus years and Capcom hasn’t gotten it through their thick ass skulls that it is more effective to MOVE when zombies are coming at you? What the flying fuck?! I guess it is to be expected from a company that couldn’t count to fucking FOUR for years. Asshats.
63. Virgin Mary: Riiiight. It’s one of the catalysts for my hatred of Christians. Just admit that Joseph knocked that bitch up. OR more than likely she was fucking around and she said “I wasn’t cheating! It’s…um…GOD’S BABY!” Now God can’t fight the allegations or even take a paternity test because I am sure back then they didn’t have the pissing strip yet. So she got off scot free for being a skank. Yep, if you are Christian and you are offended I have done my job. She wasn’t a virgin and Jesus wasn’t the son or lamb or veal of God. Just a mouthy Jew with improbable, impeccable hygiene despite the horrible conditions of early Jerusalem. More on HIM later. Oh yeah, you know Jesus is getting his. BUT WHEN?!
62. Ron Artest: Now don’t get me wrong. I loves me a good basketball fight because for the most part they are overpaid queers (Tell me Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant aren’t taking it to the hole…ON EACH OTHER! I’m naughty!) that slap at each other until the refs break it up like 6 year old girls before they find out that nails are weapons and that rules are for breaking. Ron Artest fucked all that up by actually FIGHTING SOMEONE. A fan no less. Now I believe it was Stephen Jackson who clocked the shit out of that one dude (Which was well deserved. Stay off the court) but it was Ron Artest and his Mastery of Niggerdom that made the NBA what it is today: Black dudes in suits NOT going to court. Unless you are Kobe. I TOLD YOU he tried to put it in that White girls’ butt! He likes that shit!
61. Furrs Cafeteria: My god, that place was disgusting. I went twice and both times I felt like I was gnawing on mushy paste disguised as food. I mean had they never heard of salt or pepper?! I know it was the elderly version of hanging out at The Icon (Remember that hellhole, CSPeeps?) or Rumbay’s (Ugh…I just threw up) but some of us go to enjoy a meal. Not soylent green shaped to look like meatloaf. Wait a minute…IT’S PEOPLE! That explains a lot because people suck.
60. Japanese porn: I don’t get how a country that has tentacle rape candy stores mosaics out the good parts of porn. I mean come the fuck on! I love me some Aoi Sora but how can I get to KNOW her if I can’t SEE her. Or inside of her, as the case may be in this statement. That’s how you see her personality, perverts! Either way, I mean there are a LOT worse things coming out of Japan, most involving enough sperm to impregnate Mothra and yet the vag is blurred out? Man, Japan loses a lot of points on that one. Could be for the best, though. Some of those women look like they have OJ Simpson from Naked Gun between their legs. Go watch the flashback scene and it will make sense. I’ll wait. See? HILARIOUS!

Well, I am out for now. Maybe a re-post tomorrow and then the Countdown on Friday (I still have to work on it. Takes shorter now that I have gotten a handle on the software). I am staying in Denver to see “The Hangover” but anyone down for “Land of the Lost” on Saturday let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out