What is up peeps! First off, for my Blogger peeps this is my 350th post! I want to thank you all for coming (189 new visitors this month and counting! It’s only the 14th!) and I hope you enjoy what you have read! Odds are…not so much. Welcome to the party, n00bs!
Well, it is Thursday and you know what that means! Cue up Loverboy for tomorrow because it is almost the weekend! Tomorrow is the Countdown and today I just have a real quick post because I have been getting a lot of questions from people of other races because…well usually I am their only Black friend most of the find. Being as that I am a good resource as a “Born Again Negro” (GOD DAMN THAT IS FUNNY!) I am mostly just sick of your fucking questions and misconceptions. So today it is time. Time to bust a rhyme? Nah, son it is time for…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus II: Black Man’s Burden Edition!
Today I will address the questions I have been asked over the last 12 months or so by other races because you are fuckers and I am sick of your ignorance. This coming from the guy that wants Turkey blown off the map. It’s Constantinople, GET IT RIGHT YOU SWARTHY BASTARDS! First off is a question that has been asked since that fateful day his car chase interrupted the Season Finale of Family Matters (OH, I was so pissed!)….
Question #1: Do Blacks Really Believe OJ Simpson Didn’t Kill Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman
Well…yes and no. You see, there is one word to describe Black people that they will damn near never admit: spiteful. At almost all junctures in time, Black people will take any opportunity to stick it to someone else, especially Whites. It’s why we support Barry Bonds (I don’t really give a fuck, I’m all about Andruw Jones), Kobe Bryant (Proof that anal sex with White women should only be done in movies by Lexington Steel) and R. Kelly (Who actually committed Black on Black urination but a “victory” for Blacks is a “victory” for Blacks even if it is Pyrrhic) so much.
The simple fact is that it is hard to kill two people with one knife. Hell, I couldn’t kill ONE ninja with TWO swords in Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box, so how can one aging Black athlete kill two White people with one shank? It is a rather far fetched thing to grasp because if I ever see somebody getting stabbed I am OUT. Just based on that fact alone, there is enough of a doubt for Blacks to say “Oh, he aint do that shit!” and that quite simply is all they need.
Okay, the real question isn’t if they think he killed them. Few Blacks will say yes because…well they have to keep the lie going. Now I cannot speak for anyone else for this but at the All Black Hands meetings (once a month or so at sometime in August or September. It’s like a party, it starts when people start rolling in) it is kind of accepted that we don’t ever say he did it. We all know he did though, but as long as it pisses off White people they will deny it. So Whites, stop getting upset and I guarantee OJ will say “Yeah I did it! I cried two tears in a bucket, fuck it! Let’s take it to the stage!”
Answer: Of course OJ is innocent! (God, I must be the only Black person that thinks he DID do it. But I aint going to rock the boat)
Next is a question that I thoughally despise because once again, I am one of the few Black people going against the grain on this…
Question #2: Do All Blacks Really Love Watermelon?
Mother fuck. I hate this shit. First off, I will only have watermelon if there is no other fruit available. What?! A Black person that doesn’t like watermelon? Shenanigans! I have this conversation with Griff all the time because whenever I go someplace and I am offered watermelon I kindly say no. Black people look at me like I just raped their dog while Whites look at me like “No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY!” Okay, I am going to level with you. Black people really do love watermelon, despite the racist stigma attached to it. Yes, they gobble it up the same way White people eat cantelope (I’ve seen you, White people!) and spit out the seeds rapid fire like in those offensive ass Warner Brothers cartoons. God, it even makes their lips shine and they make that retarded ass smile like sambo statues back in the 1920’s (Or 2005 in the South. Fuck the South). It is fucking disgusting. Even still…they love it. Yes, just like your encyclopedia says. Without fail, ask a Black person if they want some watermelon and after they kick your ass for being a racist prick (Which I didn’t, funny story if you want to hear it but I couldn’t kick her ass because she was different like that) they will say “Yes, that would be quite a tasty treat.”
Answer: Sadly yes. Chalk one up for Whitey.
Question #3: Do All Black People Love Fried Chicken?
Yes. Simple answer. Yes, that stuff is DELICIOUS! Hell, all people love fried chicken! It is the tastiest off all the fried poultry! I hate how every neighborhood with a Black majority population has a Popeyes (And a gun store, liquor store, check cashing location and a Korean market. No shit, it is infuriating) but hey it’s good eating! White people eat fried chicken, too! They just don’t glorify it as much because you all are faking the funk. Or faking the fowl. So yes, your assumptions are right. Although I will say that it’s not just fried chicken. Barbequed, baked, broiled, sautéed, braised, rotisserie it doesn’t matter. Chicken is the flavor of life, fuck a Lifesaver candy!
Answer: Fuck yeah. Fried chicken is good and good for you!
Question #4: Juice vs. Drink. What is the deal?
Okay, you heard Dave Chappelle mention it and Griff, Carl and I used to talk about this all the time when we had real jobs and got to partake in this mythical ‘juice’ the wealthy had been enjoying for so long. I tell you what, as good as juice may be, nothing cools you down on a hot ass summer day than a tall glass of icy cold grape drink. Juice doesn’t quench thirst! It mixes with alcohol and that is about it! I mean, using orange drink in a mimosa just doesn’t see…right. An “apple-drink-tini” sounds gayer than an “appletini” and trust me, as one who will divulge in an appletini every now and again (not as much now) I know that drink is as queer as Kansas City in springtime. Wow….I don’t even get that joke. I remember Griff was my roommate I went and got me some jugs of juice from the Mart and I was as happy as Akon at a Trinidad all-girls school Homecoming dance. Remember the jugs of juice, Beth? They were actually jugs of DRINK! Wasn’t no juice in them jugs! You know what? It was still tasty as all hell! The simple fact is drink is cheap, tasty and multi-purpose. You can have drink for breakfast (Fortified with NO essential vitamins or minerals, fishes!), lunch (Let me get a #1 and a medium orange drink!) and even at night (SHAWTY LET ME BUY YOU SOME APPLE DRAAAAAANK! See, if T-Pain said that his song may not be so shitty. Naaaaah…)! Juice is really only for breakfast. Hell, you can’t even get orange juice after 10:30am in most places! You can get yo drank on 24/7!
Answer: Drank is nutritious, delicious and most importantly BALLIN! Although I am all about that Cherry Limeade. That’s the only real good juice.
Question #5: What is With Grillz, Spinning Rims, Spinning Chains, Gaudy Chains, LED, Belt Buckles, Jeweled Crucifixes, White Tees, Those Technicolor Dream Coat Nikes, Sidekicks, Jeweled Belt Buckles and any other God Awful Fashion Trend?
Simple answer for this one.
Answer: Niggas and their money are soon parted. The stupider and more expensive the better.
Bonus Question!!!
Question #6: What is with Snapping, Crumping, Walking It Out, Hyphy and the New Dances?
*Sigh* Well, after about…sixty years of being trend setters (The only real dance craze that wasn’t based of something Blacks did was The Lambada. It’s the FORBIDDEN DANCE) they have finally run out of ideas. The last real cool dance was the Harlem Shake.
Even that went to the wayside due to the dislocated shoulders that occurred from it. I remember I popped my shoulder back in 2003 at that Latino Student Union dance; I was out of commission for two month from the dance floor! I was back in time for the “Shoulder Lean” though. The fact is for the most part everything has been done. That’s why so many women are dancing like strippers. They all aren’t morons (a good 60% are, though), they just have no new dances and no originality. Besides, my dances don’t take off, and I have been putting in work! Over the last 3 years I have created:
The Clock (WHAT TIME IS IT?! PARTY TIME!)
The Rodeo Phone
The Manual
The Secretary
The Lollipop Guild
The Lumberjack
The Blue MeanieThe I Like Your Booty But I’m Not Gay
The Machine Gun
The Power Ranger
The Slalom
The Jesus (That….didn’t go over so well)
The Butt Magnet (Not how it sounds. Wait, it is exactly how it sounds)
The Chattanooga Choo-Choo (WHOO-WHOO!)
The Pirate
And not a ONE TOOK OFF! Well, The Clock did that one time at Graham Central Station but that was YEARS ago. The fact is that the days of The Running Man, The Roger Rabbit, The Bus Stop, The Kid ‘N’ Play Kick Step and even The Electric Slide are over. We are stuck with…well what we began with. Shucking and jiving…err…”Chicken Noodle Soup”
Man, fucking Black people. I will be waiting in the fields in Alabama with a bale of cotton singing “Dixie”.
Note, peeps. This is all in fun! If you take this seriously and think I am the mouthpiece for all the Black people (and you 17 fucknuts that want to be referred to as African-American) then you my friend are a nerd. I will be back tomorrow for the Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up. I’m gonna go and get me some DRANK!
Chachi Out.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
In A Perfect World, Marvin Gaye Would Be Pissing On R. Kelly's Head From Heaven...
What is up peeps?! Four days in a row?! You know, I really spoil you guys. But that’s how I roll, I am all about the people; the party people. Guess what? For the first time in a LOOOOONG time, it is rant time! I give to you…
The Rage of Chachi: R&B Music
Well, I was going to do a rant about the State of R&B Music today. Then I realized something. I could sum it up rather easily:
R&B SUCKS!!
How I miss the days of LeVert, Freddie Jackson, Troop and Ready For The World! Remember Guy?
JAAAAAAM! WHOA, JAAAAAAAAAM! Back before Aaron Hall was a woman beater, he was a sanger. Back in the day (god I feel old) R&B meant something. Now I don’t mean in the 60’s and 70’s because even though I LOVE old school R&B it was before my time. Even though it is all my parents listened to aside from Keith Sweat and I have a full knowledge of the OLD school not many do. Even in the 80’s and early 90’s there were still some relevant R&B groups. Remember Boyz II Men? They turned the world on its ear when they came out! I used to love Hi-Five! You know what? Tony Thompson, the lead vocalist of Hi-Five died with very little fan fare a few days ago. All I heard from niggas were JOKES about Hi-Five. You know what, asshole? Without groups like Hi-Five, Boyz II Men, SWV and even Jade (A free RC cola for anyone that can name 3 of their songs!) making the crossover, trifling ass groups like Next (Remember them? When is their ‘next’ album? Fuckers), Jagged Edge (‘We aint getting no younger we might as well do it?’ Women, if ANY of you got married to or love this song you should be slapped in the fucking face) even…Pretty Ricky (WONT THESE UGLY NIGGAS PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!) would have no where near the platinum success that they had. First off, this is in ‘restecp’ to Tony Thompson:
Big Up’s Ya-self.
Back to my rant. It seems all R&B music has become is:
Stupid niggas in no shirts whining over some bitch because he’s heartbroken (usually because he cheated. Well, shitlock if you didn’t cheat she wouldn’t leave. I despise the actions of women but if you stopped fucking them over we wouldn’t need these songs)
Some bitch whining about not needing no stupid nigga in her life cuz she’s ‘independent’ which usually means she thinks that being a whore is vindicating to women (It’s a cycle. Don’t be an idiot and your man won’t cheat. It’s simple)
White dudes with a voice that doesn’t sound like a 13 year boy going through puberty (aside from Robin Thicke who I love but fix your voice and FIX IT NOW. Falsetto is cool when you are 12. And only when you are 12. You are no less than 25, FIX IT)
Young ass fucktards with no shirts running around talking about sex to minors (No, I don’t mean R. Kelly. Usher, Omarion, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Mario and so on. MICHAEL JACKSON IS NOT A GENRE OF FUCKING MUSIC! STOP IT!)
Half dressed trollops dancing around like strippers singing about not being whores (Shut up, you are wearing the uniform. And before you sit back and say ‘Hey, you listen to Kumi Koda and she don’t wear no clothes’ understand that Kumi Koda is Japan’s version of Britney Spears sans breakdown. That and shut up. My blog, my rules)
Sisqo (I have no idea what to consider him, so I put him in his own scary category)
Neo-Soul (Which is fucking stupid. I love Musiq, Jill Scott and John Legend but they aren’t ‘neo’ soul. THEY ARE FUCKING OLD SCHOOL R&B! Or at least as close as we are going to get anytime soon)
The last one REALLY pisses me off. The reason they are called that is because R&B/Soul has been bastardized to the point that no one really knows what it is anymore. Hell, was Ja-Rule R&B? He sung more than he rapped (Or at least sung BETTER than he rapped. Eh, I liked the Ja Rizzo: Black Cookie Monster) and his beats were rather smooth. The line between R&B in the last few years has been solidified, unlike in the mid-90’s to early this decade from the New Jack Swing movement to the G-Funk Era. To Bad Boy coming in to prominence with old R&B hooks/beats and even as recent as Murder Inc. The phenomenon of having an R&B singer do the hook for EVERY FUCKING RAP SONG that was shoved down our throats in 2004. Now that shit is happening again and I don’t think R&B can survive and that hurts.
Look now. Every fucking rap song has either Akon or T-Pain (or as I call them The Black Plague) on the hook. Don’t even get me STARTED on R. Kelly’s pissing ass being all over the radio and streets like 9/11 jumpers. Too soon? Anyway, aside from the Axis of Evil we have what? Mario, Usher, Marques Houston, Joe (who I still dig) and Ne-Yo singing…sad ass songs about some dumb bitch that broke their heart. Which I should be down for but cant I just have a song about having a party? Marvin Gaye style? When they aren’t singing about having their heart broken, they are singing about…sexing up every woman in sight. Pretty Ricky and Chris Brown, I am looking at your stupid asses. It all pretty much fucking sucks.
As for females, it’s even WORSE. Remember back when Mary J. Blige, Monifah (I liked her songs!), Brownstone, SWV, Total, Faith Evans, Lauryn Hill and others were making music? Not just any music, GOOD MUSIC. Hell, even three years ago we had Floetry, Alicia Keyes, Angie Stone, Jill Scott and Erykah Badu out there at least TRYING to give the women of R&B a voice. Now who do we have? Beyonce and Rhianna. Dis-fucking-gusting. Those bitches SUCK. If you are female, and you like them, YOU SUCK TOO! They have no (and I mean NO) redeeming qualities in their music. None at all. ‘Upgrade U’ may be the most ASININE song ever written. Wait…’Umbrella’ is the most asinine song ever written. Take your pick; they both make me want to deliver an F-5 to a puppy. You may say Ciara, Fantasia or Jennifer Hudson but Ciara has no real backing and she is mainly living off of dumping Bow Wow right now. Fantasia will forever be in the shadow of other Idol winners and Jennifer Hudson should stick to movies and Broadway. Something tells me she won’t be a major star in R&B because she is actually...well, good.
So after all of this ranting, what is the solution? Especially since virtually none of my friends (all five or so) listen to R&B anyway. Well, I am going to do exactly what people are doing with hip-hop now: demanding change. 50 Cent pushed his album back because the response to his two singles were not lukewarm, but blinding rage against his rabbilla ass (A mix of rabbit and gorilla. I’m trying new things out). MIMS is well on his way to being a one-hit wonder and most artists are cleaning up their lyrics. I am sick of R&B songs ALWAYS being about ‘baby take me back’ or ‘baby I don’t need you’ because after a while it gets repetitive. I’m tired of the same trifling songs from female artists about jewels and cars (You know, I understand why female R&B artists date male rappers. They are both materialistic as FUCK). I am tired of the borderline perverse songs from barely post pubescent teenagers (male and female) that just make both men and women look stupid. I’m not saying every R&B album should sound like John Legend or Jill Scott (It couldn’t hurt, I tell you what) because variety is good. Repetitive crap however is not good.
Well, that is all for now. Had to get that off my chest. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
The Rage of Chachi: R&B Music
Well, I was going to do a rant about the State of R&B Music today. Then I realized something. I could sum it up rather easily:
R&B SUCKS!!
How I miss the days of LeVert, Freddie Jackson, Troop and Ready For The World! Remember Guy?
JAAAAAAM! WHOA, JAAAAAAAAAM! Back before Aaron Hall was a woman beater, he was a sanger. Back in the day (god I feel old) R&B meant something. Now I don’t mean in the 60’s and 70’s because even though I LOVE old school R&B it was before my time. Even though it is all my parents listened to aside from Keith Sweat and I have a full knowledge of the OLD school not many do. Even in the 80’s and early 90’s there were still some relevant R&B groups. Remember Boyz II Men? They turned the world on its ear when they came out! I used to love Hi-Five! You know what? Tony Thompson, the lead vocalist of Hi-Five died with very little fan fare a few days ago. All I heard from niggas were JOKES about Hi-Five. You know what, asshole? Without groups like Hi-Five, Boyz II Men, SWV and even Jade (A free RC cola for anyone that can name 3 of their songs!) making the crossover, trifling ass groups like Next (Remember them? When is their ‘next’ album? Fuckers), Jagged Edge (‘We aint getting no younger we might as well do it?’ Women, if ANY of you got married to or love this song you should be slapped in the fucking face) even…Pretty Ricky (WONT THESE UGLY NIGGAS PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!) would have no where near the platinum success that they had. First off, this is in ‘restecp’ to Tony Thompson:
Big Up’s Ya-self.
Back to my rant. It seems all R&B music has become is:
Stupid niggas in no shirts whining over some bitch because he’s heartbroken (usually because he cheated. Well, shitlock if you didn’t cheat she wouldn’t leave. I despise the actions of women but if you stopped fucking them over we wouldn’t need these songs)
Some bitch whining about not needing no stupid nigga in her life cuz she’s ‘independent’ which usually means she thinks that being a whore is vindicating to women (It’s a cycle. Don’t be an idiot and your man won’t cheat. It’s simple)
White dudes with a voice that doesn’t sound like a 13 year boy going through puberty (aside from Robin Thicke who I love but fix your voice and FIX IT NOW. Falsetto is cool when you are 12. And only when you are 12. You are no less than 25, FIX IT)
Young ass fucktards with no shirts running around talking about sex to minors (No, I don’t mean R. Kelly. Usher, Omarion, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Mario and so on. MICHAEL JACKSON IS NOT A GENRE OF FUCKING MUSIC! STOP IT!)
Half dressed trollops dancing around like strippers singing about not being whores (Shut up, you are wearing the uniform. And before you sit back and say ‘Hey, you listen to Kumi Koda and she don’t wear no clothes’ understand that Kumi Koda is Japan’s version of Britney Spears sans breakdown. That and shut up. My blog, my rules)
Sisqo (I have no idea what to consider him, so I put him in his own scary category)
Neo-Soul (Which is fucking stupid. I love Musiq, Jill Scott and John Legend but they aren’t ‘neo’ soul. THEY ARE FUCKING OLD SCHOOL R&B! Or at least as close as we are going to get anytime soon)
The last one REALLY pisses me off. The reason they are called that is because R&B/Soul has been bastardized to the point that no one really knows what it is anymore. Hell, was Ja-Rule R&B? He sung more than he rapped (Or at least sung BETTER than he rapped. Eh, I liked the Ja Rizzo: Black Cookie Monster) and his beats were rather smooth. The line between R&B in the last few years has been solidified, unlike in the mid-90’s to early this decade from the New Jack Swing movement to the G-Funk Era. To Bad Boy coming in to prominence with old R&B hooks/beats and even as recent as Murder Inc. The phenomenon of having an R&B singer do the hook for EVERY FUCKING RAP SONG that was shoved down our throats in 2004. Now that shit is happening again and I don’t think R&B can survive and that hurts.
Look now. Every fucking rap song has either Akon or T-Pain (or as I call them The Black Plague) on the hook. Don’t even get me STARTED on R. Kelly’s pissing ass being all over the radio and streets like 9/11 jumpers. Too soon? Anyway, aside from the Axis of Evil we have what? Mario, Usher, Marques Houston, Joe (who I still dig) and Ne-Yo singing…sad ass songs about some dumb bitch that broke their heart. Which I should be down for but cant I just have a song about having a party? Marvin Gaye style? When they aren’t singing about having their heart broken, they are singing about…sexing up every woman in sight. Pretty Ricky and Chris Brown, I am looking at your stupid asses. It all pretty much fucking sucks.
As for females, it’s even WORSE. Remember back when Mary J. Blige, Monifah (I liked her songs!), Brownstone, SWV, Total, Faith Evans, Lauryn Hill and others were making music? Not just any music, GOOD MUSIC. Hell, even three years ago we had Floetry, Alicia Keyes, Angie Stone, Jill Scott and Erykah Badu out there at least TRYING to give the women of R&B a voice. Now who do we have? Beyonce and Rhianna. Dis-fucking-gusting. Those bitches SUCK. If you are female, and you like them, YOU SUCK TOO! They have no (and I mean NO) redeeming qualities in their music. None at all. ‘Upgrade U’ may be the most ASININE song ever written. Wait…’Umbrella’ is the most asinine song ever written. Take your pick; they both make me want to deliver an F-5 to a puppy. You may say Ciara, Fantasia or Jennifer Hudson but Ciara has no real backing and she is mainly living off of dumping Bow Wow right now. Fantasia will forever be in the shadow of other Idol winners and Jennifer Hudson should stick to movies and Broadway. Something tells me she won’t be a major star in R&B because she is actually...well, good.
So after all of this ranting, what is the solution? Especially since virtually none of my friends (all five or so) listen to R&B anyway. Well, I am going to do exactly what people are doing with hip-hop now: demanding change. 50 Cent pushed his album back because the response to his two singles were not lukewarm, but blinding rage against his rabbilla ass (A mix of rabbit and gorilla. I’m trying new things out). MIMS is well on his way to being a one-hit wonder and most artists are cleaning up their lyrics. I am sick of R&B songs ALWAYS being about ‘baby take me back’ or ‘baby I don’t need you’ because after a while it gets repetitive. I’m tired of the same trifling songs from female artists about jewels and cars (You know, I understand why female R&B artists date male rappers. They are both materialistic as FUCK). I am tired of the borderline perverse songs from barely post pubescent teenagers (male and female) that just make both men and women look stupid. I’m not saying every R&B album should sound like John Legend or Jill Scott (It couldn’t hurt, I tell you what) because variety is good. Repetitive crap however is not good.
Well, that is all for now. Had to get that off my chest. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
It's All About The Pentiums!
I have some sad news, peeps. After seven years, three lightning strikes, several upgrades and no less than 17 reformats and rebuilds I decided to knuckle up and buy a new desktop. I got a laptop last year as a supplement but I need a desktop, just more comfortable with one.
Seeing as I have two internal 300 GB hard drives (plus a 400GB and 300GB external AND a 120GB backup for music and a 160GB hard drive I cant find that I was going to use for my modded X-Box), a 256 video card (and a 512 that DIED on me. fuck NVIDIA), IEEE card, 5.1 speakers, wireless keyboard/mouse and a 20 inch flat panel the system is bare bones. Hell, everything in that tower was new (hell the tower was maybe a year old itself) minus the processor, which was an old school 3.0 GHZ Pentium IV when it was brand spanking new. It was the fastest shit out there…in 2001. This morning the computer wouldn’t boot from the correct hard drive and I just said it is time to knuckle up and do this thing. It has been rebooting for no reason (as Monie can tell you) sometimes three to four times in succession and the temp on that bad boy, despite constant cleanings and tower upgrades is always up there and is constantly running hot to the point of insanity. Most of that was having so much stuff hooked up to it all the time and leaving it running back when I was a MiRC/edonkey server back in the day. Full Metal Alchemist? I was your hook up! Holler if you hear me! I am going to call Ted to see what other tests I can run on the unit but from what I can tell, the only problem is that it was over worked.
With that being said, there is a high probability that I am going to rebuild it and either use it as a file server when I FINALLY get my own place or use my pieces from my other old computers (still have an old AMD laying around with a GeForce 3 card somewhere in the house) and give it to some of the technology deprived (Rick, Jen, etc.) Of course, before I do that I have to make sure it isn’t a MAJOR problem like an ATA controller failure or an overheated and fried processor. That will make it as useless as Peyton Manning in a flexbone offense. PLEASE someone get that joke.
So after some MAJOR internal bickering (I have been an AMD guy since Denver Tech), I decided to go with the Intel Dual Core processor over the AMD Live 64. All the competitive information had both being even in terms of processing power (it was like picking L.T. over Reggie Bush. You either chose flash and potential or consistency and overall performance) with each having a slight edge in niche categories. I am in the middle of everything since I don’t do a lot of one thing but a little of all things. So doing that, the Intel was a better performance and surprisingly a cost choice. A lot of what I have I can put into my new system while the AMD reps were kind of ‘well it SHOULD work, but you may want to ask Microsoft’. That and I gave my mom my old AMD Gateway computer and she had the motherboard replaced 4 times because of bulging caps. Computer people know what I mean. So I have now owned 2 AMD Althlons (a 750MHZ an a 1.4GHZ) and now three Intel (3.0 GHZ and now a 1.86 Dual Core laptop and desktop) systems and all I can say is….IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PENTIUMS, WHAT?!
Chachi has joined the next-gen in computer technology…for the next 3 days or so. You got to love the world of computers. Even still, I am going to miss P-Fizzy. We have been through some rough times like those lightning strikes and when I didn’t put the studs under the motherboard (keeps it from touching metal. VERY STUPID ON MY PART!). We also had some good times, like the time I played Age of Empires online. That was good stuff. Sigh, I am talking about my computer like it’s a person. Well…we did watch a lot of porn together. Let’s just say I had three external hard drives for a reason. What is even worse is I DELETED IT ALL! Dammit to hell! I did get 300 gigs of hard drive space out of cleaning up my act. Silver lining peeps. Silver lining. Stay up, peeps!
Chachi Out.
Seeing as I have two internal 300 GB hard drives (plus a 400GB and 300GB external AND a 120GB backup for music and a 160GB hard drive I cant find that I was going to use for my modded X-Box), a 256 video card (and a 512 that DIED on me. fuck NVIDIA), IEEE card, 5.1 speakers, wireless keyboard/mouse and a 20 inch flat panel the system is bare bones. Hell, everything in that tower was new (hell the tower was maybe a year old itself) minus the processor, which was an old school 3.0 GHZ Pentium IV when it was brand spanking new. It was the fastest shit out there…in 2001. This morning the computer wouldn’t boot from the correct hard drive and I just said it is time to knuckle up and do this thing. It has been rebooting for no reason (as Monie can tell you) sometimes three to four times in succession and the temp on that bad boy, despite constant cleanings and tower upgrades is always up there and is constantly running hot to the point of insanity. Most of that was having so much stuff hooked up to it all the time and leaving it running back when I was a MiRC/edonkey server back in the day. Full Metal Alchemist? I was your hook up! Holler if you hear me! I am going to call Ted to see what other tests I can run on the unit but from what I can tell, the only problem is that it was over worked.
With that being said, there is a high probability that I am going to rebuild it and either use it as a file server when I FINALLY get my own place or use my pieces from my other old computers (still have an old AMD laying around with a GeForce 3 card somewhere in the house) and give it to some of the technology deprived (Rick, Jen, etc.) Of course, before I do that I have to make sure it isn’t a MAJOR problem like an ATA controller failure or an overheated and fried processor. That will make it as useless as Peyton Manning in a flexbone offense. PLEASE someone get that joke.
So after some MAJOR internal bickering (I have been an AMD guy since Denver Tech), I decided to go with the Intel Dual Core processor over the AMD Live 64. All the competitive information had both being even in terms of processing power (it was like picking L.T. over Reggie Bush. You either chose flash and potential or consistency and overall performance) with each having a slight edge in niche categories. I am in the middle of everything since I don’t do a lot of one thing but a little of all things. So doing that, the Intel was a better performance and surprisingly a cost choice. A lot of what I have I can put into my new system while the AMD reps were kind of ‘well it SHOULD work, but you may want to ask Microsoft’. That and I gave my mom my old AMD Gateway computer and she had the motherboard replaced 4 times because of bulging caps. Computer people know what I mean. So I have now owned 2 AMD Althlons (a 750MHZ an a 1.4GHZ) and now three Intel (3.0 GHZ and now a 1.86 Dual Core laptop and desktop) systems and all I can say is….IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PENTIUMS, WHAT?!
Chachi has joined the next-gen in computer technology…for the next 3 days or so. You got to love the world of computers. Even still, I am going to miss P-Fizzy. We have been through some rough times like those lightning strikes and when I didn’t put the studs under the motherboard (keeps it from touching metal. VERY STUPID ON MY PART!). We also had some good times, like the time I played Age of Empires online. That was good stuff. Sigh, I am talking about my computer like it’s a person. Well…we did watch a lot of porn together. Let’s just say I had three external hard drives for a reason. What is even worse is I DELETED IT ALL! Dammit to hell! I did get 300 gigs of hard drive space out of cleaning up my act. Silver lining peeps. Silver lining. Stay up, peeps!
Chachi Out.
Monday, June 11, 2007
It Shall Come To Pass!
Oh, snap its Monday! It’s the beginning of the work week and I am back on the scene! Wow, an Omnibus yesterday AND a new post today? I spoil the peeps, what can I say? First things first, I need to get something off my chest:
SIXTY EIGHT!
Sixty eight fucking friend requests since Sunday morning on MySpace. First off, I don’t even have five friends now and I bet even FEWER want to become my friend. So SASSY18XXX and flirty1990 I don’t want to be your friend. EVER. Stop filling up my inbox with this shit, I don’t know what the benefit but if I find who is doing this I am going to piss on their damn cat. And that’s from the heart.
You know, there are some things out there that need to be stopped. For those of you who are down for The Revolution (pretty much Zach right now) I believe that it is time to set some guidelines. Seeing as how I have ‘megalomaniacal tendencies coupled with histrionic narcissism and delusions of grandeur’ I was bound to create a new Ten Commandments anyway. Oh, and I was actually called ALL of those things in college except ‘histrionic’ but seeing as how often I get ‘attempted surprise sex’ forced on me over the last year or so maybe I DO exude inappropriate seductiveness. In other words, I’m kind of a slut.
Back to the piz-oint. It is about time that I laid down the groundwork of The Revolution! The Revolution is about bucking current rules! To…create new ones. Christianity did it, and at least I am consistent! Oh, and I’m not a Jew. Now peeps, I give to you the laws that will shape the new Chach-topia (I’m working on it, a-hole)! I give to you the first installment of…
The Rules of Chachi!
Rule #1: Pop Thy Collar, Get Popped In Thy Fucking Face.
This goes to bros and preppy Black people. Popping up the collar is cool for three people and three people only: The Fonz, John Travola (Saturday Night Fever ONLY) and Patrick Swayze. That is it. Popping your collar up is to bros like extended feathers is for peacocks and heat is for cats. You are asking for an ass shellacking. Seriously, combined with DMB and Mario Party it is the mating call for the bros. Besides, it is fucking stupid looking. After the Revolution, there will be a place for people who flip their collars up on purpose. That place is bent over a bunk in prison getting pounded like taiko drum because being a bro will be an offense punishable with jail time.
Rule #2: Being A Whore Will Be Rewarded
This is the ultimate in negative reinforcement. For every five people you sleep with that you never come into contact with again (one night stands, fuck buddies, etc.), you get a stripe. Just like in the military! Once you hit 50, you then get a star and for every 10 above that you get another star! The thing is that the stars and stripes are tattooed. Not so nice, is it now? That way, everyone knows your path in life which leads into your fucking pants and everyone knows it. Not only that, the stars are colored in reference to what kind of sex it was. Anal gets a brown star, oral gets a white star and so on and so forth. Any woman that engages in bukkake or DVDA automatically becomes a 5-star slut general! Any man that takes part in a gang-bang/surprise sex or DVDA gets only one star. Except every time he does it, the star is tattooed on his fucking wang. Better make it count, asshat! Why am I doing this? Because if you are going to put yourself out there, might as well let the world know. The Revolution will not allow skanks and gigalos! We don’t want to pee fire.
Rule #3: Ballin Out Of Control! I Wouldn’t.
As we know, The Revolution will be BALLIN! However, within reason will it ball. Excessive ballin will not be tolerated. There will be a tax for every piece of bling blong you wear over 3 chains, one watch and one earring (Two for the ladies. Ladies gotta shine, too!). Also, any entourage over 10 people is susceptible to fines up to $20,000 per person over the limit. Oh, and for the video ‘vixens’ no more than three videos per year. Sick and tired of every other city I go. In every other damn video. Hell, no matter where I go I am seeing the same hoooooes.
Owners of vehicles with any technological advancement that cost more than THE VEHICLE THEY ARE IN will be fined severely. There is no need for a fucking $2,000 TV screen and a $1,000 sound system in a 1987 Cutlass. Speaking of cars, any rim above the size of 20” MUST BE ON AN SUV. I know you just bough 24” rims but lets face it, they don’t look cool on a Ford Taurus. Oh, and spinning rims are done. No Reggie Miller or Meatloaf comebacks. Give them up, they were stupid in 2004 and they are stupid now. Punishment for having these is having the ball bearing removed. R-tards.
Rule #4: Being A Whore May Be Rewarded, Dressing Like One IS NOT.
Okay. Ladies, this is mainly for you but the men don’t get off easy. First off, half jackets are not cool. Either get real coat or go without. Second off, fur isnt murder. It is just fucking tacky as hell. Any woman caught wearing fur will have to fight the animal that fur came from to the death. If it’s synthetic, they have to fight LaToya Jackson Gladiator-style. For any woman wearing a belt that doesn’t actually HOLD UP THEIR PANTS, she will be lashed 5 times with said belt. I will do the lashing. Giggity!
Any woman that complains about her feet hurting in shoes that look like a tourniquet will be clipped by Ric Flair. He needs the money, anyway. I am sick of women complaining about how their feet hurt after ‘dancing’ for several hours and drunkenly staggering from club to club in shoes that look like a gothic torturing device. Shut the fuck up and invest in some god damn Keds or something. Oh, and heels aren’t for everyday situations just like tennis shoes aren’t on the male side of fashion. Fashion is one part style, one part comfort and one part originality. Remember that. Only then can you truly be CHACHI FAB-YOU-LOUS!
For the men… WEAR A SHIRT THAT FITS! Seriously, it’s great you work out. I don’t and I am not jealous. However, I am fat as fuck and I still manage to find clothes that fit. Do the same. Men in tight shirts with be put into a vice and squeezed until their eyes almost pop out of their fucking head. Either that, or poked with a needle in that one big vein on their arm so the shoot blood out like a fountain until they sadly bleed to death. The shirt wasn’t such a good idea now, was it?!
Ladies…cover your ass. The Revolution is sponsored by big booties and curvy hips but come on. I don’t need to see your ass crack OR your gully hole. For every woman that wears something that doesn’t cover her goods she will not be allowed to be upset for any fucktard that films her wearing such and posts it on the internet. Sucks to be stupid, your gully hole becomes public when you don’t cover it up adequately.
Lastly, boobs. Put them away. You have them, so the hell what. If you don’t want them looked at, cover them up. If people still look and they are covered up, then you have a beef. The Revolution doesn’t stand for men being perverts, but it also doesn’t stand for women being stupid. If you wear something that shows or can show areola then you have no valid complaint for anyone staring. Oh, and do not push them together. It’s not cute, it screams ‘money shot’ and that’s about it. Congrats, you are one step away from porn. They at least get PAID to take a shot in the face. Or a LOT of shots to the face (see Jasmine Byrne. She is a champ!) but porn stars are rather well compensated, on the other hand you may get several drinks, a night you forget and a lifetime of regret. Yay, alcohol and poor decisions! Speaking of alcohol…
Rule #5: Alcohol Is Not A Defense for Stupid
The Revolution is powered by Malibu/Captain Morgan/Grey Goose. That is a known fact. That being said, the Revolution will drink responsibly. Alcohol will not be an excuse for:
• Cheating (Yeah, I went there bitch. Personal issue, let’s move on shall we?)
• Any Kind of Abuse (Physical, verbal or mental. That shit is not cool. That goes DOUBLE for women. A drunk woman threatening you is a lose-lose for a man no matter what happens, let me tell you)
• Random Stupid Sexual Acts In Public (Yeah, I need to practice what I preach…)
• Random Stupid Sexual Acts In Private (Yeah, I need to practice what I preach…again. Even worse, I don’t even remember it. Absinthe, its GRRREEN!)
• Saying Something You “Wouldn’t Say” Sober (I am going on the record that 92% of what I say drunk I would say sober, just faster and not preceded by ‘You don’t know…you…you don’t know!)
Long story short, ‘Baby I was drunk!’ will not be allowed as a defense after The Revolution. I actually considered banning alcohol altogether after the take off of mojitos (can I have ANY-FUCKING-THING anymore?!) but then I realized something: RUM RULES ALL. Pirates knew it. Sinatra knew it. The Carthaginians knew it and now you do. Besides, there is nothing wrong with a casual drink every now and then. Hell, I really don’t see anything wrong with drinking in excess if you aren’t going to be a fucktard or going to drive (Of which I do both. W00T! God, take a joke…I’m not a fucktard when I’m drunk). I DO see something wrong with blaming the alcohol for your dumbass decisions or using it as a crutch to get through tough spots of your life (Which I didn’t do. I used PORN to get through the tough parts of my life, thank you very much) and in the Revolution it will not be accepted. After two dipshit moves, you are barred from drinking for 30 days. After a third time, its six months and forced rehab on how to handle your drinking. You see, it isn’t about not doing it. It is about doing it in moderation and to please the voices in your head about kidnapping Sarah Michelle Gellar and forcing her to do one more season of Buffy. Not…that I do that or anything.
I will be dropping the rest of the Rules of Chachi on you soon. The Revolution will have order! It will also be about the ladies. Songs for the ladies and jheri curls!
Yeah, now THAT is how you end a post. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
SIXTY EIGHT!
Sixty eight fucking friend requests since Sunday morning on MySpace. First off, I don’t even have five friends now and I bet even FEWER want to become my friend. So SASSY18XXX and flirty1990 I don’t want to be your friend. EVER. Stop filling up my inbox with this shit, I don’t know what the benefit but if I find who is doing this I am going to piss on their damn cat. And that’s from the heart.
You know, there are some things out there that need to be stopped. For those of you who are down for The Revolution (pretty much Zach right now) I believe that it is time to set some guidelines. Seeing as how I have ‘megalomaniacal tendencies coupled with histrionic narcissism and delusions of grandeur’ I was bound to create a new Ten Commandments anyway. Oh, and I was actually called ALL of those things in college except ‘histrionic’ but seeing as how often I get ‘attempted surprise sex’ forced on me over the last year or so maybe I DO exude inappropriate seductiveness. In other words, I’m kind of a slut.
Back to the piz-oint. It is about time that I laid down the groundwork of The Revolution! The Revolution is about bucking current rules! To…create new ones. Christianity did it, and at least I am consistent! Oh, and I’m not a Jew. Now peeps, I give to you the laws that will shape the new Chach-topia (I’m working on it, a-hole)! I give to you the first installment of…
The Rules of Chachi!
Rule #1: Pop Thy Collar, Get Popped In Thy Fucking Face.
This goes to bros and preppy Black people. Popping up the collar is cool for three people and three people only: The Fonz, John Travola (Saturday Night Fever ONLY) and Patrick Swayze. That is it. Popping your collar up is to bros like extended feathers is for peacocks and heat is for cats. You are asking for an ass shellacking. Seriously, combined with DMB and Mario Party it is the mating call for the bros. Besides, it is fucking stupid looking. After the Revolution, there will be a place for people who flip their collars up on purpose. That place is bent over a bunk in prison getting pounded like taiko drum because being a bro will be an offense punishable with jail time.
Rule #2: Being A Whore Will Be Rewarded
This is the ultimate in negative reinforcement. For every five people you sleep with that you never come into contact with again (one night stands, fuck buddies, etc.), you get a stripe. Just like in the military! Once you hit 50, you then get a star and for every 10 above that you get another star! The thing is that the stars and stripes are tattooed. Not so nice, is it now? That way, everyone knows your path in life which leads into your fucking pants and everyone knows it. Not only that, the stars are colored in reference to what kind of sex it was. Anal gets a brown star, oral gets a white star and so on and so forth. Any woman that engages in bukkake or DVDA automatically becomes a 5-star slut general! Any man that takes part in a gang-bang/surprise sex or DVDA gets only one star. Except every time he does it, the star is tattooed on his fucking wang. Better make it count, asshat! Why am I doing this? Because if you are going to put yourself out there, might as well let the world know. The Revolution will not allow skanks and gigalos! We don’t want to pee fire.
Rule #3: Ballin Out Of Control! I Wouldn’t.
As we know, The Revolution will be BALLIN! However, within reason will it ball. Excessive ballin will not be tolerated. There will be a tax for every piece of bling blong you wear over 3 chains, one watch and one earring (Two for the ladies. Ladies gotta shine, too!). Also, any entourage over 10 people is susceptible to fines up to $20,000 per person over the limit. Oh, and for the video ‘vixens’ no more than three videos per year. Sick and tired of every other city I go. In every other damn video. Hell, no matter where I go I am seeing the same hoooooes.
Owners of vehicles with any technological advancement that cost more than THE VEHICLE THEY ARE IN will be fined severely. There is no need for a fucking $2,000 TV screen and a $1,000 sound system in a 1987 Cutlass. Speaking of cars, any rim above the size of 20” MUST BE ON AN SUV. I know you just bough 24” rims but lets face it, they don’t look cool on a Ford Taurus. Oh, and spinning rims are done. No Reggie Miller or Meatloaf comebacks. Give them up, they were stupid in 2004 and they are stupid now. Punishment for having these is having the ball bearing removed. R-tards.
Rule #4: Being A Whore May Be Rewarded, Dressing Like One IS NOT.
Okay. Ladies, this is mainly for you but the men don’t get off easy. First off, half jackets are not cool. Either get real coat or go without. Second off, fur isnt murder. It is just fucking tacky as hell. Any woman caught wearing fur will have to fight the animal that fur came from to the death. If it’s synthetic, they have to fight LaToya Jackson Gladiator-style. For any woman wearing a belt that doesn’t actually HOLD UP THEIR PANTS, she will be lashed 5 times with said belt. I will do the lashing. Giggity!
Any woman that complains about her feet hurting in shoes that look like a tourniquet will be clipped by Ric Flair. He needs the money, anyway. I am sick of women complaining about how their feet hurt after ‘dancing’ for several hours and drunkenly staggering from club to club in shoes that look like a gothic torturing device. Shut the fuck up and invest in some god damn Keds or something. Oh, and heels aren’t for everyday situations just like tennis shoes aren’t on the male side of fashion. Fashion is one part style, one part comfort and one part originality. Remember that. Only then can you truly be CHACHI FAB-YOU-LOUS!
For the men… WEAR A SHIRT THAT FITS! Seriously, it’s great you work out. I don’t and I am not jealous. However, I am fat as fuck and I still manage to find clothes that fit. Do the same. Men in tight shirts with be put into a vice and squeezed until their eyes almost pop out of their fucking head. Either that, or poked with a needle in that one big vein on their arm so the shoot blood out like a fountain until they sadly bleed to death. The shirt wasn’t such a good idea now, was it?!
Ladies…cover your ass. The Revolution is sponsored by big booties and curvy hips but come on. I don’t need to see your ass crack OR your gully hole. For every woman that wears something that doesn’t cover her goods she will not be allowed to be upset for any fucktard that films her wearing such and posts it on the internet. Sucks to be stupid, your gully hole becomes public when you don’t cover it up adequately.
Lastly, boobs. Put them away. You have them, so the hell what. If you don’t want them looked at, cover them up. If people still look and they are covered up, then you have a beef. The Revolution doesn’t stand for men being perverts, but it also doesn’t stand for women being stupid. If you wear something that shows or can show areola then you have no valid complaint for anyone staring. Oh, and do not push them together. It’s not cute, it screams ‘money shot’ and that’s about it. Congrats, you are one step away from porn. They at least get PAID to take a shot in the face. Or a LOT of shots to the face (see Jasmine Byrne. She is a champ!) but porn stars are rather well compensated, on the other hand you may get several drinks, a night you forget and a lifetime of regret. Yay, alcohol and poor decisions! Speaking of alcohol…
Rule #5: Alcohol Is Not A Defense for Stupid
The Revolution is powered by Malibu/Captain Morgan/Grey Goose. That is a known fact. That being said, the Revolution will drink responsibly. Alcohol will not be an excuse for:
• Cheating (Yeah, I went there bitch. Personal issue, let’s move on shall we?)
• Any Kind of Abuse (Physical, verbal or mental. That shit is not cool. That goes DOUBLE for women. A drunk woman threatening you is a lose-lose for a man no matter what happens, let me tell you)
• Random Stupid Sexual Acts In Public (Yeah, I need to practice what I preach…)
• Random Stupid Sexual Acts In Private (Yeah, I need to practice what I preach…again. Even worse, I don’t even remember it. Absinthe, its GRRREEN!)
• Saying Something You “Wouldn’t Say” Sober (I am going on the record that 92% of what I say drunk I would say sober, just faster and not preceded by ‘You don’t know…you…you don’t know!)
Long story short, ‘Baby I was drunk!’ will not be allowed as a defense after The Revolution. I actually considered banning alcohol altogether after the take off of mojitos (can I have ANY-FUCKING-THING anymore?!) but then I realized something: RUM RULES ALL. Pirates knew it. Sinatra knew it. The Carthaginians knew it and now you do. Besides, there is nothing wrong with a casual drink every now and then. Hell, I really don’t see anything wrong with drinking in excess if you aren’t going to be a fucktard or going to drive (Of which I do both. W00T! God, take a joke…I’m not a fucktard when I’m drunk). I DO see something wrong with blaming the alcohol for your dumbass decisions or using it as a crutch to get through tough spots of your life (Which I didn’t do. I used PORN to get through the tough parts of my life, thank you very much) and in the Revolution it will not be accepted. After two dipshit moves, you are barred from drinking for 30 days. After a third time, its six months and forced rehab on how to handle your drinking. You see, it isn’t about not doing it. It is about doing it in moderation and to please the voices in your head about kidnapping Sarah Michelle Gellar and forcing her to do one more season of Buffy. Not…that I do that or anything.
I will be dropping the rest of the Rules of Chachi on you soon. The Revolution will have order! It will also be about the ladies. Songs for the ladies and jheri curls!
Yeah, now THAT is how you end a post. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Strap On Your Helmet, IT'S GAME TIME!
What is up, people! It is Sunday and sadly since all the movies (except ‘Surfs Up’ which I heard was pretty good) sucked it dry this weekend there will sadly be no Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood this week. However, next week I will be in the theater to see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I really….don’t know why, but I will be there. I for some reason am interested to see whole quasi-Super-Skrull plotline is going to work. Rather than just USING the damn Super-Skrull. But hey, to each their own.
Now that I have calmed down about the job situation (things worked out and it is what it is for everything else) it is time to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I have been receiving a lot of questions and several things have come up that I am SO going to comment on as I bring to you the FIRST OF…like…two, maybe three…
PASSION OF CHACHI OMNIBUS!
Ahh, ‘Ask A Ninja’. Is there anything you can’t do? Of course not, he is a fucking NIN-JA! Can I get a blang-blang?! So let’s get this party started right!
Why do you hate bros so much?
Because they suck. Seriously, in real time and each other. They ruined Axe Body Spray, polo shirts and visors for the rest of us. By the way, what in the fuck is the point of wearing a visor upside down, anyway? Black people did it for like a week after Serena and Venus Williams took off and then bros just took it and ran with that bitch. Oh, and ‘shaaaa!’ isn’t a FUCKING WORD YOU ASSHOLES! God, I despise them. Oh, and Halo doesn’t kick that much ass. Curb the hard-ons, save them for the all night Jack Johnson listening/ass rape sessions.
What is with the Yuna Ito obsession?
She is fucking hot, that’s why. I mean these women are devaluing themselves at an alarming rate much like those dumb females that are supporting Paris Hilton right now. She broke the law, she was given a sentence and she needs to deal with it. The end. That bitch couldn’t give two shits about your copy-cat ass, anyway. Anyway, back to Miss Ito. She can:
• Sing (Which 90% of her American competition can’t do. Looking at Christina, Jennifer Hudson…um…Kelly Clarkson and….um…that’s about it. Wow, the state of female pop is worse than R&B as a fucking whole)
• Dance (Which 95% of her American competition can’t do…without looking like strippers anyway. Rhianna, I am looking at your funny nosed, steroid using ass)
• Speak three languages (Japanese, Korean and English. Oh and Hawaiian but I don’t consider that a laungage. Guess what...YOU ARE FUCKING AMERICANS! DEAL WITH IT! Just kidding, I respect your culture and blah-blah-blah yakkity smackity)
• Look HAWT in an evening gown (Okay, I will give a little higher nod to Mandy Moore. Because….I love her and she WILL LOVE ME. Wow, Jen is right. I am kind of creepy)
• Look HAWTER in regular clothes (Watch the ‘Losin’ video. Just watch it and keep your hands on the keyboard)
To top it all off, she is Asian. And as you know, it goes Asian, Latina, every other race and then right under the green bitches that Captain Kirk wrecked is Black woman. It’s just better for both of us that way. Which brings me to my next question I have been asked a few times.
Do You REALLY Hate Black Women?
The quick answer is ‘no’. I have nothing against Black women at all, they’s cool. The long answer is that my experiences have been less than stellar with Black women (and…well, women in general for that matter) both casually and relationship wise. Yes, I make jokes about how much I don’t like them and there is truth in that humor. They really DON’T like me because I am not ‘real’ or a ‘thug’ and that is fine. A total personal preference. At the same time, they bitch and comlain about not wanting a ‘strong, Black woman’ because the majority of my friends are white (about 4 of the 9) and most importantly I am never seen with a Black woman. Well, I was in college (she was cool, too) but SHE was dating a WHITE MAN! How is THAT for in your face?! See, life can be Shakespeare. The simple fact is that I don’t ‘hate’ Black women because I am not around them enough to say so. I am not a fan of my past (and few current) interactions with Black women and from that is where my humor and comments come from. That and I have been called ‘uppity’ by more than three Black women (people still USE THAT WORD?) and I still hold a grudge. Eh, thems the breaks. Keep your hands inside the Chachi-mobile at all times because we are rolling on!
What Do You Feel About The War?
It’s still going on?! Wow…Paris Hilton really IS dominating the news. I guess when it all breaks down….I’m for the war and against the troops. That way, everyone is pissed off! Did you pack your lunch? Because we are going to SCHOOL, BITCHES!
What Is Your Stance On Abortion?
Hell, it’s easier than toddler murder. FREE HAT! FREE HAT! Too far? I have not yet begun to offend! Just kidding, I really don’t care. I can’t pop out babies, not do I want to. All I can say is that I chose life for Kandice and my children and it was the WORST FUCKING MISTAKE I EVER MADE! They ruined my figure, she left me for someone else and those fuckers have been a thorn in my side ever since! Killing kids and it not being considered 1st degree murder? Fan-fricking-tastic! Again, kidding. Don’t believe those Focus on the Family commercials about abortion being murder because the fetus is living. People don’t have souls until they are 12 years old. It’s fucking science. Until then, they are fair game. You know, I believe that abortion is a low-grade version of manifest destiny. Ye without a flag and cannot speak the language of those in power have no choice in what happens. Apply that to abortion…I’m just saying it makes perfect sense, okay?! Geez, let’s keep this party MOVIN, MOVIN!
Is Your Luck With Women Really That Bad?
Rick? Zach? Kandice? Griff? Anyone want to speak up about this? The answer is yes and no. Yes because I am born to undo myself. Hell, I am in the SAME situation now that I was in a year ago at this time. Which means my life sucks ‘teh balls’ but at the same time…I have to say no. I mean I am TOTALLY oblivious to my surroundings despite my genius. Odds are that I am missing on women hitting on me because there is no way in FUCK I could be this unpopular. I mean, people like me? Kind of. It’s not like high school where I was just kind there. I mean I’m rather social (no matter what women have said about me being anti-social) and personable. I don’t call women ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’ unless they are. I shower everyday and try to dress like I don’t pattern myself after a Young Jeezy video. I have a rather extensive vocabulary and since I do get more that 4 readers to my blog a day I would have to say I’m rather funny. So why in the hell do the a-holes get the chicks?! Eh, I don’t know but I have my theories. Doesn’t matter, none of this matters. However, at the end of the day I haven’t been hit with mace in a few months and I have only had two…three girls cry on me in the last 9 months so I am doing pretty damn sweet on the lady side! Aim low, never disappointed. Commercial break!
Poison and Crossfire? Fuck yeah! Now for a question that has been asked A LOT over the last six months that I addressed earlier but niggas don’t read…
Chachi, Are You ‘Teh Gay’?
No. Flat out, no. What I enjoy may be in line with what people associate with behavior and the lifestyle of the gay community (grooming, theater, complete sentences, etc.) but a major component of what makes you ‘gay’ is gay sex. Not sure about you, but that doesn’t appeal to me no matter HOW hawt Bi is, and he is Pompeii if you get my drift. Hell, straight sex is a conundrum to me and I have the manuals! I like what I like and I talk about what I talk about. Seeing as how I have been asked no less than twelve times (that I remember so it was probably more, but as people can attest to I was a total lush last year so 2006 was a fucking mish mash montage set to ‘Bad Day’ by Daniel Powter’) whether I am gay or not in a public, social or professional atmosphere I am beginning to see that what I do and how I act aren’t perceived as ‘normal’ for a man, especially at my age and single. You know what? I don’t care. Never really have but it gets annoying to have to hear the question every other day. I mean I joke about it all the time but it has gotten to the point that I am so far from the male norm that if I were bust out of the closet like Kool-Aid no one would bat an eye. To which I say ‘suck it dry’ because Wicked was FUCKING AWESOME, I like Garnier Fructis (does wonders for your ends!), Matthew McConaughey is FUCKING HAWT and SoulDecision is one of the best pop bands of our time!
Singing SoulDecision with another man on the way to get Chinese is not gay. Quit hating.
Well, that is all for the Passion of Chachi Omnibus! I will do some here and there, depending on the questions that come my way. The majority of these were addressed last year on my Blogger site but I redid them for the peeps that just got into this thing…all five of you. Welcome to the site! Come for the offensive humor, stay for the punch and pie! I will try to be up before Friday’s Countdown but until then stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Now that I have calmed down about the job situation (things worked out and it is what it is for everything else) it is time to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I have been receiving a lot of questions and several things have come up that I am SO going to comment on as I bring to you the FIRST OF…like…two, maybe three…
PASSION OF CHACHI OMNIBUS!
Ahh, ‘Ask A Ninja’. Is there anything you can’t do? Of course not, he is a fucking NIN-JA! Can I get a blang-blang?! So let’s get this party started right!
Why do you hate bros so much?
Because they suck. Seriously, in real time and each other. They ruined Axe Body Spray, polo shirts and visors for the rest of us. By the way, what in the fuck is the point of wearing a visor upside down, anyway? Black people did it for like a week after Serena and Venus Williams took off and then bros just took it and ran with that bitch. Oh, and ‘shaaaa!’ isn’t a FUCKING WORD YOU ASSHOLES! God, I despise them. Oh, and Halo doesn’t kick that much ass. Curb the hard-ons, save them for the all night Jack Johnson listening/ass rape sessions.
What is with the Yuna Ito obsession?
She is fucking hot, that’s why. I mean these women are devaluing themselves at an alarming rate much like those dumb females that are supporting Paris Hilton right now. She broke the law, she was given a sentence and she needs to deal with it. The end. That bitch couldn’t give two shits about your copy-cat ass, anyway. Anyway, back to Miss Ito. She can:
• Sing (Which 90% of her American competition can’t do. Looking at Christina, Jennifer Hudson…um…Kelly Clarkson and….um…that’s about it. Wow, the state of female pop is worse than R&B as a fucking whole)
• Dance (Which 95% of her American competition can’t do…without looking like strippers anyway. Rhianna, I am looking at your funny nosed, steroid using ass)
• Speak three languages (Japanese, Korean and English. Oh and Hawaiian but I don’t consider that a laungage. Guess what...YOU ARE FUCKING AMERICANS! DEAL WITH IT! Just kidding, I respect your culture and blah-blah-blah yakkity smackity)
• Look HAWT in an evening gown (Okay, I will give a little higher nod to Mandy Moore. Because….I love her and she WILL LOVE ME. Wow, Jen is right. I am kind of creepy)
• Look HAWTER in regular clothes (Watch the ‘Losin’ video. Just watch it and keep your hands on the keyboard)
To top it all off, she is Asian. And as you know, it goes Asian, Latina, every other race and then right under the green bitches that Captain Kirk wrecked is Black woman. It’s just better for both of us that way. Which brings me to my next question I have been asked a few times.
Do You REALLY Hate Black Women?
The quick answer is ‘no’. I have nothing against Black women at all, they’s cool. The long answer is that my experiences have been less than stellar with Black women (and…well, women in general for that matter) both casually and relationship wise. Yes, I make jokes about how much I don’t like them and there is truth in that humor. They really DON’T like me because I am not ‘real’ or a ‘thug’ and that is fine. A total personal preference. At the same time, they bitch and comlain about not wanting a ‘strong, Black woman’ because the majority of my friends are white (about 4 of the 9) and most importantly I am never seen with a Black woman. Well, I was in college (she was cool, too) but SHE was dating a WHITE MAN! How is THAT for in your face?! See, life can be Shakespeare. The simple fact is that I don’t ‘hate’ Black women because I am not around them enough to say so. I am not a fan of my past (and few current) interactions with Black women and from that is where my humor and comments come from. That and I have been called ‘uppity’ by more than three Black women (people still USE THAT WORD?) and I still hold a grudge. Eh, thems the breaks. Keep your hands inside the Chachi-mobile at all times because we are rolling on!
What Do You Feel About The War?
It’s still going on?! Wow…Paris Hilton really IS dominating the news. I guess when it all breaks down….I’m for the war and against the troops. That way, everyone is pissed off! Did you pack your lunch? Because we are going to SCHOOL, BITCHES!
What Is Your Stance On Abortion?
Hell, it’s easier than toddler murder. FREE HAT! FREE HAT! Too far? I have not yet begun to offend! Just kidding, I really don’t care. I can’t pop out babies, not do I want to. All I can say is that I chose life for Kandice and my children and it was the WORST FUCKING MISTAKE I EVER MADE! They ruined my figure, she left me for someone else and those fuckers have been a thorn in my side ever since! Killing kids and it not being considered 1st degree murder? Fan-fricking-tastic! Again, kidding. Don’t believe those Focus on the Family commercials about abortion being murder because the fetus is living. People don’t have souls until they are 12 years old. It’s fucking science. Until then, they are fair game. You know, I believe that abortion is a low-grade version of manifest destiny. Ye without a flag and cannot speak the language of those in power have no choice in what happens. Apply that to abortion…I’m just saying it makes perfect sense, okay?! Geez, let’s keep this party MOVIN, MOVIN!
Is Your Luck With Women Really That Bad?
Rick? Zach? Kandice? Griff? Anyone want to speak up about this? The answer is yes and no. Yes because I am born to undo myself. Hell, I am in the SAME situation now that I was in a year ago at this time. Which means my life sucks ‘teh balls’ but at the same time…I have to say no. I mean I am TOTALLY oblivious to my surroundings despite my genius. Odds are that I am missing on women hitting on me because there is no way in FUCK I could be this unpopular. I mean, people like me? Kind of. It’s not like high school where I was just kind there. I mean I’m rather social (no matter what women have said about me being anti-social) and personable. I don’t call women ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’ unless they are. I shower everyday and try to dress like I don’t pattern myself after a Young Jeezy video. I have a rather extensive vocabulary and since I do get more that 4 readers to my blog a day I would have to say I’m rather funny. So why in the hell do the a-holes get the chicks?! Eh, I don’t know but I have my theories. Doesn’t matter, none of this matters. However, at the end of the day I haven’t been hit with mace in a few months and I have only had two…three girls cry on me in the last 9 months so I am doing pretty damn sweet on the lady side! Aim low, never disappointed. Commercial break!
Poison and Crossfire? Fuck yeah! Now for a question that has been asked A LOT over the last six months that I addressed earlier but niggas don’t read…
Chachi, Are You ‘Teh Gay’?
No. Flat out, no. What I enjoy may be in line with what people associate with behavior and the lifestyle of the gay community (grooming, theater, complete sentences, etc.) but a major component of what makes you ‘gay’ is gay sex. Not sure about you, but that doesn’t appeal to me no matter HOW hawt Bi is, and he is Pompeii if you get my drift. Hell, straight sex is a conundrum to me and I have the manuals! I like what I like and I talk about what I talk about. Seeing as how I have been asked no less than twelve times (that I remember so it was probably more, but as people can attest to I was a total lush last year so 2006 was a fucking mish mash montage set to ‘Bad Day’ by Daniel Powter’) whether I am gay or not in a public, social or professional atmosphere I am beginning to see that what I do and how I act aren’t perceived as ‘normal’ for a man, especially at my age and single. You know what? I don’t care. Never really have but it gets annoying to have to hear the question every other day. I mean I joke about it all the time but it has gotten to the point that I am so far from the male norm that if I were bust out of the closet like Kool-Aid no one would bat an eye. To which I say ‘suck it dry’ because Wicked was FUCKING AWESOME, I like Garnier Fructis (does wonders for your ends!), Matthew McConaughey is FUCKING HAWT and SoulDecision is one of the best pop bands of our time!
Singing SoulDecision with another man on the way to get Chinese is not gay. Quit hating.
Well, that is all for the Passion of Chachi Omnibus! I will do some here and there, depending on the questions that come my way. The majority of these were addressed last year on my Blogger site but I redid them for the peeps that just got into this thing…all five of you. Welcome to the site! Come for the offensive humor, stay for the punch and pie! I will try to be up before Friday’s Countdown but until then stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Friday, June 08, 2007
The Pack is a Mother Fucker! A DAMN MOTHER FUCKER!
Hey peeps. New blog/Countdown up today. I know you love it (or not so much).
So why in the hell would someone go through three interviews to be told 'We decided to go with someone with more (fill in blank here) experience.'
At what point during THREE interviews do you say 'This nigga just doesnt have it! I mean he answered all the questions correctly but...sprinkle some crack on him and lets hire the white guy that went to Dartmouth!' I swear if I dont have the credentials, dont interview me. It's that fucking simple. If you are looking for something that isnt on the job description PUT IN THE FUCK IN THERE, A-HOLES! If your job description is vague, you are going to get a LOT of people applying for the job that have no fucking idea what it is.
Albeit I DID know what the job is and I DO have compensation and sales operations experience but that is beside the point. I guess I shouldnt have answered the 'where do you see your self with the company in five years' with 'not fucking with it, bitch! i'll be ballin out of control!' To all the under 21 crowd that read this...not the best answer to give. I'm just saying.
Oh, and if I am the 'token negro' interview just tell me. I wont get mad, I will be rather flattered. There are a lot of unqualified darkies out there and I would be glad you chose me. Ungrateful little pink monkeys! I swear, the only thing more racist than NOT hiring someone because they are black and qualified is to interview them when they are black and UN-FUCKING-QUALIFIED. This isnt what affirmative action is for, fucktards. Gawd I am so pissed off I cant think straight.
Well, I have to head back to work. I came home because I was ready to grab my Manasume and go on a rampage, Sephiroth style.
Hell, I have the fucking 'One Winged Angel' on CD in my car somewhere. I knew I had that shit for a reason. Eh, I've calmed down a bit. Be back with a blog this Sunday hopefully.
Working is for chumps!
So why in the hell would someone go through three interviews to be told 'We decided to go with someone with more (fill in blank here) experience.'
At what point during THREE interviews do you say 'This nigga just doesnt have it! I mean he answered all the questions correctly but...sprinkle some crack on him and lets hire the white guy that went to Dartmouth!' I swear if I dont have the credentials, dont interview me. It's that fucking simple. If you are looking for something that isnt on the job description PUT IN THE FUCK IN THERE, A-HOLES! If your job description is vague, you are going to get a LOT of people applying for the job that have no fucking idea what it is.
Albeit I DID know what the job is and I DO have compensation and sales operations experience but that is beside the point. I guess I shouldnt have answered the 'where do you see your self with the company in five years' with 'not fucking with it, bitch! i'll be ballin out of control!' To all the under 21 crowd that read this...not the best answer to give. I'm just saying.
Oh, and if I am the 'token negro' interview just tell me. I wont get mad, I will be rather flattered. There are a lot of unqualified darkies out there and I would be glad you chose me. Ungrateful little pink monkeys! I swear, the only thing more racist than NOT hiring someone because they are black and qualified is to interview them when they are black and UN-FUCKING-QUALIFIED. This isnt what affirmative action is for, fucktards. Gawd I am so pissed off I cant think straight.
Well, I have to head back to work. I came home because I was ready to grab my Manasume and go on a rampage, Sephiroth style.
Hell, I have the fucking 'One Winged Angel' on CD in my car somewhere. I knew I had that shit for a reason. Eh, I've calmed down a bit. Be back with a blog this Sunday hopefully.
Working is for chumps!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
My Mom Says I'm A Catch!
What is up people?! It is so Friday and it is SO PAY DAY! You know what that means? Possible DENVER PAR-TEEEEEE! YEAH! But before I blow all my money on rum, pool, rum and maybe some trivia at D&B’s I have to bring you the Friday staple...
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started with a new entry this week!
20. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (New Entry)
ENRIQUE GOT RID OF THE MOLE! Man, now he looks more like Ricky Martin. It was the only way I could tell them apart. Anyway, welcome back to the pop world! Not going to lie to you, I like Enrique and I think this video is rather funny. That and this song kicks ass! Welcome to the Countdown!
19. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #16)
So it looks like UVERworlds 4th video on the Countdown is on its way out. It was their first video not to make it to #1, but that is nothing to be disappointed about.
18. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (New Entry)
Unh, Sweet Jones! UGK is back on the scene and they decided to bring Outkast with them! This song has been on my playlist since I first heard it (Andre Three Stacks spoken word may be the verse of the year) and the video has Pimp C dressed as a pimp…hence his name. That alone puts it on here. Add in Bun B (UNDERRATED) and Big Boi (ditto!) and you have a surprising hip-hop classic! And welcome back to Big Boi (‘Margaritas’ with Sleepy Brown and Pharrell went to #1 last year)
17. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #15, four weeks at #1)
Looks like Mr. Legend’s days are numbered on the Countdown. Hopefully, with Kanye going on tour soon to support his new album he will be on the road again since I missed him in April.
16. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #19)
Just got Daddy Yankee’s new album! Aaaaaaand I don’t understand a word. However, just like Rebelde it is fucking awesome. Music is the universal language, peeps! Also, this video moves up three big places. It must be hard, seeing as how Daddy is lugging around another man in Fergie. But I digress.
15. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #17)
So the classic j-rockers (If you consider 18 years or so classic) move up two spots this week with their truly weird video. Here is to hoping for a new album from these guys soon!
14. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #11)
NEW VIDEO FROM KUMI KODA! And…I am shocked. It is called ‘FREAKY’ and there is nothing freaky about it! BOOOOO! I’m just saying; if you name the song ‘FREAKY’ you should give us what you advertise dammit! She has another video for ‘Run For Your Life’ which according to the preview looks ‘Birthday Eve’ like which means it will be damn awesome. Stay tuned!
13. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #13)
For the THIRD WEEK M-Flo and Crystal Kay are staying put at #13. M-Flo just released his album but any word on Crystal Kay? I am waiting for that bad boy because her last album was pretty damn good. GIMME SOME CRYSTAL!
12. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #14)
So The King of the South heads north two spaces this week as he looks for his third #1 video with this one. Well, I am still waiting for the album and hopefully it will be a ‘two singles at once’ thing. With Fiddy pushing his shitty album back the summer could belong to TI!
11. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #9, one week at #1)
We are one step from the Top 10 and we have Yui outside for the first time since Valentine’s Day! That was a pretty lengthy stay in the upper half and even though she has a new video I still love this video and song. Much like Bi before her she suffers the wrath of my attachment to a song. Now, into the Top 10!
10. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #12)
And what a way to start! The ladies of Foxxi MisQ have their first Top 10 video after only three weeks! I don’t care, these ladies are quite the nice. AND THEY HAVE A NEW VIDEO WHICH IS JUST AS HOT! Oh, and their album is out at the end of this month! Daughtry may have some competition for the Best New Artist Chachi Award!
9. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #10)
FOB moves up a spot this week with this overblown Tag Body Spray ad. Man….I hate body spray commercials. Love the song, love the video, hate the product.
8. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #5)
NOOOOO! I still love you, Avril! Sadly, your video falls three places this week and out of the Top Five. I wonder when her next single is coming out. Hell, I didn’t even really see or hear about any promotion for the album itself. Hoping for something new soon…
7. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #8)
But until then, this will totally fill my rawking out quota! This video is where it is at! Where in the hell is the Abingdon Boys School album?! GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE NOW! Oh, and I have no idea what ‘Darker Than Black’ is about after two episodes. Then again, after three episodes I hated Bleach and thought Peach Girl was going to suck after four. I was totally fucking wrong on both counts so I will give it a longer look.
6. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #7)
So we blink and Yui is on the verge of her third Top 5 video of the YEAR. Its only fricking JUNE! She is putting in mad work this year! She may be the frontrunner for the Artist of the Year Chachi Award! I love this song and I can’t wait for the single!
5. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #6)
Welcome to the Top Five! We begin with Orange Range, who with their massive body of work and list of cool videos have never had an official video this high before! This song is one of the best from them in a long time and the video, sans cheesy effects is great. On to #4….
4. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #2, Four weeks at #1)
Looks like nobodyknows+ will not be pulling an UVERworld and recapturing the #1 spot! After a month long run at the top, they fall two more spots to #4 this week in a slight shocker. Oh, and Naruto: Shippuuden rawks your face. All of it. I guarantee if you liked the first two seasons of Naruto (my hand is up) you will LOVE the new series. Make some noise!
3. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #4)
We are into the Top Three! Look who we have here! Rascal Flatts is looking to capture their second #1 video after cracking the Big Three this week! With no John Legend or UVERworld to deal with, can they finally take the throne? We will just have to see! We are down to two videos…
2. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #1, one week at #1)
And after a week at #1, Yuna Ito falls down a spot! Yuna has a new video with Micro from Def Tech (POWER IN THE MUSIC! HELPS TO GO UNDERSTANDING! Yes, broken English rules) and while the video is simple…she is looking quite fine in them shorts. I’m just saying she’s hawt. Sue me. We may see that video on here soon. With Yuna in the runner up position, we have a new #1 video…
1. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #3, One week at #1)
….and it is about time! After a pretty lengthy trek, Maroon 5 captures their first #1 video on the Top 20 Video Countdown! This is probably my third favorite song (behind ‘International Players Anthem’ and ‘Howling’) and my new favorite album to boot! Oh, congratulations on the new baby! And you have a #1 video to go along with it!
That is all for now. Tune in next Friday to see if Maroon 5 can hold on for a second week. Or can Yuna Ito pull ‘the UVERworld’ and take top spot a second time? Look out, Rascal Flatts is looking to toss their names in the hat for ‘Kings of the Countdown’ and capture their second #1 video. Make sure to be back next week and find out where your favorite video lies! And if it isn’t on here, let me know! I may put it on and give you a shout out! Just no T-Pain or R. Kelly.
Oh shit, what is gonna happen when the ‘Same Girl’ video is released?! It has Usher (YAAAAY!) but it also has The King of R&Pee (BOOOOO!). I’ll cross that bridge when it gets here. Until next time, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started with a new entry this week!
20. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (New Entry)
ENRIQUE GOT RID OF THE MOLE! Man, now he looks more like Ricky Martin. It was the only way I could tell them apart. Anyway, welcome back to the pop world! Not going to lie to you, I like Enrique and I think this video is rather funny. That and this song kicks ass! Welcome to the Countdown!
19. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #16)
So it looks like UVERworlds 4th video on the Countdown is on its way out. It was their first video not to make it to #1, but that is nothing to be disappointed about.
18. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (New Entry)
Unh, Sweet Jones! UGK is back on the scene and they decided to bring Outkast with them! This song has been on my playlist since I first heard it (Andre Three Stacks spoken word may be the verse of the year) and the video has Pimp C dressed as a pimp…hence his name. That alone puts it on here. Add in Bun B (UNDERRATED) and Big Boi (ditto!) and you have a surprising hip-hop classic! And welcome back to Big Boi (‘Margaritas’ with Sleepy Brown and Pharrell went to #1 last year)
17. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #15, four weeks at #1)
Looks like Mr. Legend’s days are numbered on the Countdown. Hopefully, with Kanye going on tour soon to support his new album he will be on the road again since I missed him in April.
16. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #19)
Just got Daddy Yankee’s new album! Aaaaaaand I don’t understand a word. However, just like Rebelde it is fucking awesome. Music is the universal language, peeps! Also, this video moves up three big places. It must be hard, seeing as how Daddy is lugging around another man in Fergie. But I digress.
15. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #17)
So the classic j-rockers (If you consider 18 years or so classic) move up two spots this week with their truly weird video. Here is to hoping for a new album from these guys soon!
14. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #11)
NEW VIDEO FROM KUMI KODA! And…I am shocked. It is called ‘FREAKY’ and there is nothing freaky about it! BOOOOO! I’m just saying; if you name the song ‘FREAKY’ you should give us what you advertise dammit! She has another video for ‘Run For Your Life’ which according to the preview looks ‘Birthday Eve’ like which means it will be damn awesome. Stay tuned!
13. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #13)
For the THIRD WEEK M-Flo and Crystal Kay are staying put at #13. M-Flo just released his album but any word on Crystal Kay? I am waiting for that bad boy because her last album was pretty damn good. GIMME SOME CRYSTAL!
12. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #14)
So The King of the South heads north two spaces this week as he looks for his third #1 video with this one. Well, I am still waiting for the album and hopefully it will be a ‘two singles at once’ thing. With Fiddy pushing his shitty album back the summer could belong to TI!
11. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #9, one week at #1)
We are one step from the Top 10 and we have Yui outside for the first time since Valentine’s Day! That was a pretty lengthy stay in the upper half and even though she has a new video I still love this video and song. Much like Bi before her she suffers the wrath of my attachment to a song. Now, into the Top 10!
10. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #12)
And what a way to start! The ladies of Foxxi MisQ have their first Top 10 video after only three weeks! I don’t care, these ladies are quite the nice. AND THEY HAVE A NEW VIDEO WHICH IS JUST AS HOT! Oh, and their album is out at the end of this month! Daughtry may have some competition for the Best New Artist Chachi Award!
9. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #10)
FOB moves up a spot this week with this overblown Tag Body Spray ad. Man….I hate body spray commercials. Love the song, love the video, hate the product.
8. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #5)
NOOOOO! I still love you, Avril! Sadly, your video falls three places this week and out of the Top Five. I wonder when her next single is coming out. Hell, I didn’t even really see or hear about any promotion for the album itself. Hoping for something new soon…
7. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #8)
But until then, this will totally fill my rawking out quota! This video is where it is at! Where in the hell is the Abingdon Boys School album?! GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE NOW! Oh, and I have no idea what ‘Darker Than Black’ is about after two episodes. Then again, after three episodes I hated Bleach and thought Peach Girl was going to suck after four. I was totally fucking wrong on both counts so I will give it a longer look.
6. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #7)
So we blink and Yui is on the verge of her third Top 5 video of the YEAR. Its only fricking JUNE! She is putting in mad work this year! She may be the frontrunner for the Artist of the Year Chachi Award! I love this song and I can’t wait for the single!
5. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #6)
Welcome to the Top Five! We begin with Orange Range, who with their massive body of work and list of cool videos have never had an official video this high before! This song is one of the best from them in a long time and the video, sans cheesy effects is great. On to #4….
4. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #2, Four weeks at #1)
Looks like nobodyknows+ will not be pulling an UVERworld and recapturing the #1 spot! After a month long run at the top, they fall two more spots to #4 this week in a slight shocker. Oh, and Naruto: Shippuuden rawks your face. All of it. I guarantee if you liked the first two seasons of Naruto (my hand is up) you will LOVE the new series. Make some noise!
3. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #4)
We are into the Top Three! Look who we have here! Rascal Flatts is looking to capture their second #1 video after cracking the Big Three this week! With no John Legend or UVERworld to deal with, can they finally take the throne? We will just have to see! We are down to two videos…
2. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #1, one week at #1)
And after a week at #1, Yuna Ito falls down a spot! Yuna has a new video with Micro from Def Tech (POWER IN THE MUSIC! HELPS TO GO UNDERSTANDING! Yes, broken English rules) and while the video is simple…she is looking quite fine in them shorts. I’m just saying she’s hawt. Sue me. We may see that video on here soon. With Yuna in the runner up position, we have a new #1 video…
1. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #3, One week at #1)
….and it is about time! After a pretty lengthy trek, Maroon 5 captures their first #1 video on the Top 20 Video Countdown! This is probably my third favorite song (behind ‘International Players Anthem’ and ‘Howling’) and my new favorite album to boot! Oh, congratulations on the new baby! And you have a #1 video to go along with it!
That is all for now. Tune in next Friday to see if Maroon 5 can hold on for a second week. Or can Yuna Ito pull ‘the UVERworld’ and take top spot a second time? Look out, Rascal Flatts is looking to toss their names in the hat for ‘Kings of the Countdown’ and capture their second #1 video. Make sure to be back next week and find out where your favorite video lies! And if it isn’t on here, let me know! I may put it on and give you a shout out! Just no T-Pain or R. Kelly.
Oh shit, what is gonna happen when the ‘Same Girl’ video is released?! It has Usher (YAAAAY!) but it also has The King of R&Pee (BOOOOO!). I’ll cross that bridge when it gets here. Until next time, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Fresh! For 2007...You, SUCKAZ!
Hear ye, hear ye! I’m back, fishes! You know, I stopped saying that after college (I called women that pissed me off ‘fishes’ in place of ‘bitches’ in the AWARE Group and I ran with it for a bit until the takeoff of ‘teh gay’) and I’m bringing it back like Sugar Smacks. Oh, snap (bringing that back, too) its time for something new! I give to you a new installment on The Passion of Chachi! Here are the funky fresh new phrases for the summer of 2007! So I give to you…
Chachi’s Summer Slang Spectacular!
Yeah, you know you need it. So these are either words I have been saying for a few months, testing out or getting ready to unleash on the masses. Get ready to be linguistically inclined! First off, I am bringing back…
Instead of (sigh...) ‘Whore’: Skeezer
Now I only use whore to describe (whorish behavior, whorish dress, a really whorish cookie) unless I really mean it or are referencing those in Douchebrawl or I truly mean it (or it is preceded by the word ‘attention’ or ‘crack’). However…I don’t like the word. It is mean and rather excessive. Sometimes the word needs to be used and that is why I am going with a classic. I remember in 10th grade when Griff yelled out ‘SHE’S A SKEEZER, DON’T BELIEVE HER!’ for a reason I am not sure of but man that resonates to this day. Not only that, as my respect for women rises (albeit SLOWLY) I am toning down my verbiage toward them. Unlike Black people, who are a Nelly album away from being called ‘darkies’. Next is a word that I have been using for a few days in a test run and it is kind of going over, especially with the whole Pirates of the Caribbean kick…
Instead of Wreck or Smack That (ugh…): Plunder
First off, let me say I WOULD PLUNDER THE BOOTY OF FOXXI MISQ! My god…hell yeah. Now I know plunder has negative connotations because it is ‘by force’ but the simple fact is…very few people know what the word means anyway. Face it, people don’t have extensive vocabularies. Besides, it is actually a lot more inventive than anything I have heard people say over the last few years (Get low? Stick that thing out? I wanna wine you?) AND it is rather tame (and sadly more respectful) compared to the nastiness I have heard recently. R. Kelly, I am looking at your nasty ass.
Instead of Drunk or FUCKED UP: Downey
Okay, I have been debating this one for a while. Mainly because Robert Downey Jr (I love his work!) is drunk by 10 am at a MINIUMUM. I’m kidding, I love the guy. The fact is that getting Downey, for those that know anything about anything, is funny and gets right to the point. Getting downy means that you are ready to party to the point that you end up in the Valley in a little girls’ bed wearing someone else’s clothes. Yeah, I’ve been there. Here is one I actually thought up yesterday…
Instead of Jailbait: F2T
Why? Your ass will get ‘Five to Ten’. Think about it, that shit is funny as hell. This next one is just one I am thinking about, not official…
Instead of Dream Girl or Unicorn (What in the fuck, Kandice?): A Ritchie
What? I will tell you. You ever seen a woman so perfect, that is a combination of everything you find ideal, that whenever you see her or she talks to you all you hear is ‘Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?’
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT is funny as hell. Seriously, now I HAVE to run with that. It would be a waste not to! Now this one is courtesy of Zach which I try to bring back now and then but just never takes off. Because people suck ass…
Instead of Bling or Shining: Mr. Sparkle
See, originally I thought about doing it in a stereotypical derogatory Asian voice (Oh, you necklace is Mee-ster Spar-kullllll-oooooo!) but that well past cat raping on the fucked up scale. In all seriousness, that was one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. Sadly, most people don’t watch The Simpsons and most importantly people don’t know funny! Yet people will bring back ‘fly’ every three weeks. See, this is why no advances have been made since Shrinky Dinks. People are afraid to embrace the new. This is one that I have used since high school because Griff is an asshole.
Instead of Every Innuendo for the Female Anatomy: Yak
This started because of my attraction to an Asian girl in high school that he referred to as ‘Yakitori’. He would always say ‘You want some of that yak, don’t you?’ Since then, it has become the standard word that we use to describe the…lower regions of a woman. Now I got some shit over that word in college because it was offensive, so I wrote a short paper about how many other more offensive words were being used and this is the least offensive of the lot. I wish I could find that paper, much like my paper on how America needs racism (It was ORIGINALLY called Racism: It’s Good and Good For You. Yeah, I don’t know how I graduated from college either) it was offensive goodness. Anyway, before you sit back and say “its just as offensive!’ take a look at these:
Beaver (Don’t beavers have teeth and build dams? Where does that comparison come in?!)
Cooter (From Dukes of Hazzard? Wow, that’s a reach)
Snatch (Wow, I just thought this was a frat boy movie)
Honey Pot (Uh, what?! What is this, Pooh Bear?!)
Pussy (A classic, yet vulgar and stupid)
Cunt (I have used this word….twice maybe? Ever? Who outside of the United Kingdom does?)
Snooch (Oh, that IS what that meant. How many times have I seen the View Askew series?)
Twat (Same as cunt. Never used it but man…just sounds like a variation of the gout)
The Y (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry, that is very humorous to me)
Snapper (I LOVE tempura snapper, but now I can’t say it without a frat boy laughing)
Bearded Clam (Uhhhhh…ew?)
Muff (Heh, I have actually only heard lesbians use this word. Special)
Pink Taco (Now that’s just NASTY)
Meat Curtains (Oh, wow. That is just W.R.O.N.G.)
Gootch (I never knew that! I learned something today!)
Punani (Um…yeah that’s just stupid)
Minge (Until that South Park episode and Patrick, I had actually never heard of this one)
Poon Tang (Okay, I laugh at this one. Never let poon tang come between you and your friends!)
Fur Burger (Yeah, that is about enough of that. What in the hell is wrong with people?!)
Okay, the point of this is that there are a lot worse words out there to describe the va-jing-ah so back off the yak. Besides, it is barely used because only Griff and I use it, and I sure am not getting it. Heh, thems the breaks.
Well, that is all for the Chachi Summer Slang Spectacular! I may have a few more up over the next two months so stay tuned! Feel free to send your own Summer Slanguistics to the Passion of Chachi! I may be back tomorrow (I have a rant building up) but if not, I will definitely be back on Friday for the Countdown! Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Summer Slang Spectacular!
Yeah, you know you need it. So these are either words I have been saying for a few months, testing out or getting ready to unleash on the masses. Get ready to be linguistically inclined! First off, I am bringing back…
Instead of (sigh...) ‘Whore’: Skeezer
Now I only use whore to describe (whorish behavior, whorish dress, a really whorish cookie) unless I really mean it or are referencing those in Douchebrawl or I truly mean it (or it is preceded by the word ‘attention’ or ‘crack’). However…I don’t like the word. It is mean and rather excessive. Sometimes the word needs to be used and that is why I am going with a classic. I remember in 10th grade when Griff yelled out ‘SHE’S A SKEEZER, DON’T BELIEVE HER!’ for a reason I am not sure of but man that resonates to this day. Not only that, as my respect for women rises (albeit SLOWLY) I am toning down my verbiage toward them. Unlike Black people, who are a Nelly album away from being called ‘darkies’. Next is a word that I have been using for a few days in a test run and it is kind of going over, especially with the whole Pirates of the Caribbean kick…
Instead of Wreck or Smack That (ugh…): Plunder
First off, let me say I WOULD PLUNDER THE BOOTY OF FOXXI MISQ! My god…hell yeah. Now I know plunder has negative connotations because it is ‘by force’ but the simple fact is…very few people know what the word means anyway. Face it, people don’t have extensive vocabularies. Besides, it is actually a lot more inventive than anything I have heard people say over the last few years (Get low? Stick that thing out? I wanna wine you?) AND it is rather tame (and sadly more respectful) compared to the nastiness I have heard recently. R. Kelly, I am looking at your nasty ass.
Instead of Drunk or FUCKED UP: Downey
Okay, I have been debating this one for a while. Mainly because Robert Downey Jr (I love his work!) is drunk by 10 am at a MINIUMUM. I’m kidding, I love the guy. The fact is that getting Downey, for those that know anything about anything, is funny and gets right to the point. Getting downy means that you are ready to party to the point that you end up in the Valley in a little girls’ bed wearing someone else’s clothes. Yeah, I’ve been there. Here is one I actually thought up yesterday…
Instead of Jailbait: F2T
Why? Your ass will get ‘Five to Ten’. Think about it, that shit is funny as hell. This next one is just one I am thinking about, not official…
Instead of Dream Girl or Unicorn (What in the fuck, Kandice?): A Ritchie
What? I will tell you. You ever seen a woman so perfect, that is a combination of everything you find ideal, that whenever you see her or she talks to you all you hear is ‘Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?’
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT is funny as hell. Seriously, now I HAVE to run with that. It would be a waste not to! Now this one is courtesy of Zach which I try to bring back now and then but just never takes off. Because people suck ass…
Instead of Bling or Shining: Mr. Sparkle
See, originally I thought about doing it in a stereotypical derogatory Asian voice (Oh, you necklace is Mee-ster Spar-kullllll-oooooo!) but that well past cat raping on the fucked up scale. In all seriousness, that was one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. Sadly, most people don’t watch The Simpsons and most importantly people don’t know funny! Yet people will bring back ‘fly’ every three weeks. See, this is why no advances have been made since Shrinky Dinks. People are afraid to embrace the new. This is one that I have used since high school because Griff is an asshole.
Instead of Every Innuendo for the Female Anatomy: Yak
This started because of my attraction to an Asian girl in high school that he referred to as ‘Yakitori’. He would always say ‘You want some of that yak, don’t you?’ Since then, it has become the standard word that we use to describe the…lower regions of a woman. Now I got some shit over that word in college because it was offensive, so I wrote a short paper about how many other more offensive words were being used and this is the least offensive of the lot. I wish I could find that paper, much like my paper on how America needs racism (It was ORIGINALLY called Racism: It’s Good and Good For You. Yeah, I don’t know how I graduated from college either) it was offensive goodness. Anyway, before you sit back and say “its just as offensive!’ take a look at these:
Beaver (Don’t beavers have teeth and build dams? Where does that comparison come in?!)
Cooter (From Dukes of Hazzard? Wow, that’s a reach)
Snatch (Wow, I just thought this was a frat boy movie)
Honey Pot (Uh, what?! What is this, Pooh Bear?!)
Pussy (A classic, yet vulgar and stupid)
Cunt (I have used this word….twice maybe? Ever? Who outside of the United Kingdom does?)
Snooch (Oh, that IS what that meant. How many times have I seen the View Askew series?)
Twat (Same as cunt. Never used it but man…just sounds like a variation of the gout)
The Y (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry, that is very humorous to me)
Snapper (I LOVE tempura snapper, but now I can’t say it without a frat boy laughing)
Bearded Clam (Uhhhhh…ew?)
Muff (Heh, I have actually only heard lesbians use this word. Special)
Pink Taco (Now that’s just NASTY)
Meat Curtains (Oh, wow. That is just W.R.O.N.G.)
Gootch (I never knew that! I learned something today!)
Punani (Um…yeah that’s just stupid)
Minge (Until that South Park episode and Patrick, I had actually never heard of this one)
Poon Tang (Okay, I laugh at this one. Never let poon tang come between you and your friends!)
Fur Burger (Yeah, that is about enough of that. What in the hell is wrong with people?!)
Okay, the point of this is that there are a lot worse words out there to describe the va-jing-ah so back off the yak. Besides, it is barely used because only Griff and I use it, and I sure am not getting it. Heh, thems the breaks.
Well, that is all for the Chachi Summer Slang Spectacular! I may have a few more up over the next two months so stay tuned! Feel free to send your own Summer Slanguistics to the Passion of Chachi! I may be back tomorrow (I have a rant building up) but if not, I will definitely be back on Friday for the Countdown! Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Finally The Chachi Has Come Back...To His Blog!
Back in effect, fishes! Can I get a ‘laffy taffy’? Can I? No? Eh, that’s cool. So I am back at work and all I can say is…Siebel licks balls. If you have never used it, don’t. It doesn’t fucking work and when it does, it works poorly. Never have I despised a CRM tool as much as this. If you don’t know what that means (which I am guessing only Rick, Kandice and Porter do) look it up. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand it locked up again. Great.
Well, today I am going back to something I had planned last month but got behind on it due to some busy weekends and some drama in the workplace. However, I am here to announce the next inductee into…
The Passion of Chachi Atrium of Awesomeness!
Today, I bring to you one of the greatest speakers in the history of time. If Martin Luther King Jr. was as bad ass as this gentleman, instead of getting shot he would have went into that warehouse, grabbed that sniper rifle, turned that sumbitch sideways and stuck it straight up James Earl Ray’s candy ass. Had Ronald Reagan followed this mans’ lead, he would have checked Old Timers disease into the Smackdown Hotel. This man is the MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN TO EVER HOLD A MICROPHONE. Yeah, you smell what he is cooking; he is cooking an entry into the Hall of Badassitude. The second inductee into the Atrium of Awesomeness is…
THE ROCK!!
The man revolutionized the art of the promo in wrestling, looked good doing it (I can’t front, The Rock was hawt) and most importantly…just brought it. Every night. Hell, the man made BILLY FUCKING GUNN look like he was functionally retarded as opposed to being the below average talent he really is. The list of wrestlers The Rock made look like they actually had two brain cells to rub together is endless. From 1997-2001 he WAS wrestling. Austin supplied the brawling, Benoit/Angle brought the wrestling, Undertaker brought the pain, Triple H brought his nose and The Rock brought the excitement:
You may totally despise wrestling, but tell me you didn’t watch The Rock and I will call you a bold faced jabroni liar. We have all seen ‘The Rundown’ which defied science by not creating a rip in the vortex that is our dimension by having Christopher Walken and The Rock in the same spot at the same time. All logic states that the sheer force of that combination would have thrown the Earth off its axis and into the sun. Well, sometimes science is wrong, but the greatness of Dwayne Johnson is not. The man is truly…The Great One. Congratulations, Rock. You will now go down in history as one of the Inaugural Class of The Passion of Chachi Atrium of Awesomeness!
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be up tomorrow or Thursday before the Countdown on Friday. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Well, today I am going back to something I had planned last month but got behind on it due to some busy weekends and some drama in the workplace. However, I am here to announce the next inductee into…
The Passion of Chachi Atrium of Awesomeness!
Today, I bring to you one of the greatest speakers in the history of time. If Martin Luther King Jr. was as bad ass as this gentleman, instead of getting shot he would have went into that warehouse, grabbed that sniper rifle, turned that sumbitch sideways and stuck it straight up James Earl Ray’s candy ass. Had Ronald Reagan followed this mans’ lead, he would have checked Old Timers disease into the Smackdown Hotel. This man is the MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN TO EVER HOLD A MICROPHONE. Yeah, you smell what he is cooking; he is cooking an entry into the Hall of Badassitude. The second inductee into the Atrium of Awesomeness is…
THE ROCK!!
The man revolutionized the art of the promo in wrestling, looked good doing it (I can’t front, The Rock was hawt) and most importantly…just brought it. Every night. Hell, the man made BILLY FUCKING GUNN look like he was functionally retarded as opposed to being the below average talent he really is. The list of wrestlers The Rock made look like they actually had two brain cells to rub together is endless. From 1997-2001 he WAS wrestling. Austin supplied the brawling, Benoit/Angle brought the wrestling, Undertaker brought the pain, Triple H brought his nose and The Rock brought the excitement:
You may totally despise wrestling, but tell me you didn’t watch The Rock and I will call you a bold faced jabroni liar. We have all seen ‘The Rundown’ which defied science by not creating a rip in the vortex that is our dimension by having Christopher Walken and The Rock in the same spot at the same time. All logic states that the sheer force of that combination would have thrown the Earth off its axis and into the sun. Well, sometimes science is wrong, but the greatness of Dwayne Johnson is not. The man is truly…The Great One. Congratulations, Rock. You will now go down in history as one of the Inaugural Class of The Passion of Chachi Atrium of Awesomeness!
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be up tomorrow or Thursday before the Countdown on Friday. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Sunday, June 03, 2007
So Gloriousus!
What is up peeps?! It’s another Sunday and if you are in Colorado odds are you are asking yourself ‘why am I here?’ Needless to say, the weather outside rather sucks. Eh, thems the breaks.
So last night, I went to ‘A Funny Thing Happened’ and I must say only one word to describe the seating:
BALLIN!
First row, first two seats. Right behind the conductor. I even asked him to play ‘Rock You Like A Hurricane’ by The Scorpions. He didn’t, but it was worth it. The acting was awesome, especially the eunuchs. Yes, you heard me. Great stuff. Oh, and Gloriosus was….well…glorious. I mean he wasn’t Bi in the manliness department but he was pretty epic in scope if you get my drift. The only bad part of the evening is that house vodka makes me hella sleepy. Needless to say it kicked the ass. Up next: The Little Mermaid in August and then maybe Spamalot in September if I don’t go to Vegas for my birthday. If I do, I am SO going to see David Cassidy!
Also this weekend I went to see ‘Knocked Up’ which marked the second time in a calendar year that I went to see a date movie with a dude (I saw ‘The Break-Up’ last year with Rick in what I call the ‘Summer of Pain’ not only for the dumbass shit I did but the day we saw Nacho Libre, Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The Omen and An Inconvenient Truth and STILL felt ripped the fuck off) and not with a saucy lady. Eh, thems the breaks. I like having to share my Reese’s Pieces. So today I give you another edition of….
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!
This Week: Knocked Up
Well, all I can say about this movie is that…well…if was fricking good. Unlike ‘The Break-Up’ last year in which Vince Vaughun played a total fucktard with no redeeming qualities this movie showed that both men AND women are totally irrational beings when it comes to…well everything. The humor from Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl was hilarious and there wasn’t an unfunny character in the cast. Each person was relevant to the plot in their own way (unlike every movie I have seen over the last 10 years since Pootie Tang) and the movie didn’t seem to at all, even though it was two hours.
Unlike every other movie this year (minus 300 and ATHFCMFFT) there was no glaring problem in this film. Some would say language but it was fucking rated ‘R’ if you went and you were offended by the language, eat a fucking dick. Don’t pay the money and go see ‘Balto’ at home or some shit. The movie also had crowning. And that cost it a point. I have seen births on TV so I wasn’t disgusted, as much as I just was shocked that they put that in a movie. Should have expected it, being about pregnancy and all. But 300 was about Spartans and I didn’t see ONE BIT of gay sex for which I am thankful, but they could have kept true to the Spartans man-loving roots. Just saying.
All in all, this movie is well worth the watch. Not the big budget fare you expect from the summer blockbuster season, but neither was 40-Year Old Virgin or Accepted and those both kicked ass. Loses a full point for the crowning scene, though. No crowning in summer movies. Not on my watch! So ‘Knocked Up’ gets…
9 out of 10 Stars!
(Actually a kick ass movie! No glaring faults and does what it does very well. Is one of the funniest movies of the year so far! Check it out!)
Well, that is all for now. Another work week coming up so I will try to be up either Wednesday or Thursday. Short update today, but I am running low on sleep over the last few days. Thanks, Kandice. You officially have ruined my sleep cycle. Just kidding. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
So last night, I went to ‘A Funny Thing Happened’ and I must say only one word to describe the seating:
BALLIN!
First row, first two seats. Right behind the conductor. I even asked him to play ‘Rock You Like A Hurricane’ by The Scorpions. He didn’t, but it was worth it. The acting was awesome, especially the eunuchs. Yes, you heard me. Great stuff. Oh, and Gloriosus was….well…glorious. I mean he wasn’t Bi in the manliness department but he was pretty epic in scope if you get my drift. The only bad part of the evening is that house vodka makes me hella sleepy. Needless to say it kicked the ass. Up next: The Little Mermaid in August and then maybe Spamalot in September if I don’t go to Vegas for my birthday. If I do, I am SO going to see David Cassidy!
Also this weekend I went to see ‘Knocked Up’ which marked the second time in a calendar year that I went to see a date movie with a dude (I saw ‘The Break-Up’ last year with Rick in what I call the ‘Summer of Pain’ not only for the dumbass shit I did but the day we saw Nacho Libre, Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The Omen and An Inconvenient Truth and STILL felt ripped the fuck off) and not with a saucy lady. Eh, thems the breaks. I like having to share my Reese’s Pieces. So today I give you another edition of….
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!
This Week: Knocked Up
Well, all I can say about this movie is that…well…if was fricking good. Unlike ‘The Break-Up’ last year in which Vince Vaughun played a total fucktard with no redeeming qualities this movie showed that both men AND women are totally irrational beings when it comes to…well everything. The humor from Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl was hilarious and there wasn’t an unfunny character in the cast. Each person was relevant to the plot in their own way (unlike every movie I have seen over the last 10 years since Pootie Tang) and the movie didn’t seem to at all, even though it was two hours.
Unlike every other movie this year (minus 300 and ATHFCMFFT) there was no glaring problem in this film. Some would say language but it was fucking rated ‘R’ if you went and you were offended by the language, eat a fucking dick. Don’t pay the money and go see ‘Balto’ at home or some shit. The movie also had crowning. And that cost it a point. I have seen births on TV so I wasn’t disgusted, as much as I just was shocked that they put that in a movie. Should have expected it, being about pregnancy and all. But 300 was about Spartans and I didn’t see ONE BIT of gay sex for which I am thankful, but they could have kept true to the Spartans man-loving roots. Just saying.
All in all, this movie is well worth the watch. Not the big budget fare you expect from the summer blockbuster season, but neither was 40-Year Old Virgin or Accepted and those both kicked ass. Loses a full point for the crowning scene, though. No crowning in summer movies. Not on my watch! So ‘Knocked Up’ gets…
9 out of 10 Stars!
(Actually a kick ass movie! No glaring faults and does what it does very well. Is one of the funniest movies of the year so far! Check it out!)
Well, that is all for now. Another work week coming up so I will try to be up either Wednesday or Thursday. Short update today, but I am running low on sleep over the last few days. Thanks, Kandice. You officially have ruined my sleep cycle. Just kidding. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Let Me Stretch Out...
Okay, a full update on Sunday but now for a quick synopsis of what I learned this week.
I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY…
1) Women are still pretty weird. Doesn’t ever really change; just have to kind of roll with their weirdness. Getting the hang of it, though.
2) There is nothing more ballin’ than making your own spring rolls. That was some good fucking eatin’. Saigon Café, peeps. Good stuff.
3) I may be manic depressive. No joke, it is beginning to freak me out. I went all over the place about having to go to work on Monday from unbelievable joy to wanting to murder my waitress at the Broadmoor. BTW….waaaaaay too many white people up there. Only other black dude was holding the door open for me. Dare I say…that shit is racist.
4) So ‘Knocked Up” was pretty damn funny. Katherine Heigl is fricking HAWT (ever since that one movie with that chick from ‘On The Line’ with one of the N’SYNC-ers) and it had Jonah from ‘Grandma’s Boy’ and ‘Accepted’ in it! Although it did have crowning….yeah, I wasn’t ready for that.
5) Even though I get my rant on about how my life sucks it dry…it’s really not so bad. I like where I am at right now. Except the being single thing, but thems the breaks on that. Women may be stupid sometimes, but I have to give them a lot of credit. I mean, they don’t date me just jerks that fuck them over for years at a time. Maybe it isn’t all that deep. It’s the Riley Pissing Theory. I see piss, I move. Some women see piss….they stay. Can’t win them all. This plays more on the first thing I learned yesterday but eh, I’m full circle.
6) Rebelde: Greatest TV show ever:
Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. I’ll be back tomorrow for a full round-up at some point.
I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY…
1) Women are still pretty weird. Doesn’t ever really change; just have to kind of roll with their weirdness. Getting the hang of it, though.
2) There is nothing more ballin’ than making your own spring rolls. That was some good fucking eatin’. Saigon Café, peeps. Good stuff.
3) I may be manic depressive. No joke, it is beginning to freak me out. I went all over the place about having to go to work on Monday from unbelievable joy to wanting to murder my waitress at the Broadmoor. BTW….waaaaaay too many white people up there. Only other black dude was holding the door open for me. Dare I say…that shit is racist.
4) So ‘Knocked Up” was pretty damn funny. Katherine Heigl is fricking HAWT (ever since that one movie with that chick from ‘On The Line’ with one of the N’SYNC-ers) and it had Jonah from ‘Grandma’s Boy’ and ‘Accepted’ in it! Although it did have crowning….yeah, I wasn’t ready for that.
5) Even though I get my rant on about how my life sucks it dry…it’s really not so bad. I like where I am at right now. Except the being single thing, but thems the breaks on that. Women may be stupid sometimes, but I have to give them a lot of credit. I mean, they don’t date me just jerks that fuck them over for years at a time. Maybe it isn’t all that deep. It’s the Riley Pissing Theory. I see piss, I move. Some women see piss….they stay. Can’t win them all. This plays more on the first thing I learned yesterday but eh, I’m full circle.
6) Rebelde: Greatest TV show ever:
Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. I’ll be back tomorrow for a full round-up at some point.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Long Live The Queen! Not Me, You A-Hole!
Hells yes! It is Friday and it is a half day for the Chachi! Can I get a hells yeah?! Tomorrow is ‘A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum’ so you know what that means. DENVER PAR-TEEEEE! But before I get all crazy Prince style, it is time for the Friday staple!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start this week with a hip hop video that looks to be saying goodbye to the Top 20…
20. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #17)
It seems the run is over for K-OS after a pretty good stay. This video made it all the way to the Top Ten which is pretty good for a first time out. Here is to hoping for a new video very soon!
19. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (New Entry)
Reggaeton! Very few people know this, but I am totally down for Daddy Yankee. He is the mad notes! Sadly, Fergie is a man and had the audacity to call out Nelly Furtado (OH NO SHE DI-ENT!) but that doesn’t take away from the kickassedness of this video. Oh, and Fergie looks like she is on roids. Ladies, you don’t have to look like fucking Triple H to be attractive. I likes some softness.
18. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #16)
Another video on the verge of falling off the Countdown after falling one spot short of the Top Five. Do we still get MuchMusic on Comcast? I don’t think we do. That sucks because it was the only place I could see these guys.
17. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #20)
When in the hell are they going to be on the On Demand Bento Box?! They have TM Revolution (which don’t get me wrong, rawk your fucking face) on every damn week! Give me some Hyde and the crew!
16. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #14)
Just got the single for ‘endscape’ and it totally kicks the ass! Meanwhile, this video falls two more spots. UVERworld hasn’t done much on the live front, either. Can’t find any videos of tour footage which kind of sucks. You know, UVERworld almost has this Countdown on lock if not for this next person…
15. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #12, four weeks at #1)
Can John officially be called ‘King of the Countdown’? Three #1 videos ties him with UVERworld (although T.I. and Yui have a chance to tie them) and he has Album of the Year to his credit. Sounds like credentials to me.
14. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week 18)
Suck emcees can call him sire! T.I. moves up four big spots with this video! I am looking forward to “T.I.P. vs. T.I.” more than any album this year including Common’s “Finding Forever”, Kanye’s “Graduation” and Usher’s coming LP. Hopefully the R.Kelly and T-Pain cameos will be kept to a minimum. God, let the R.Kelly and T-Pan cameos be kept to a minimum.
13. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #13)
So this video stands at #13 this week. Any word on a Crystal Kay album? I needs my hawtie fix since Yuna Ito is playing hard to get. Even better, Sowelu is back! MY GOD, SOWELU IS BACK! Mmm…how I missed her so. If I could find a way to get both her and Mandy Moore to marry me…I would so die happy.
12. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #15)
Screw that, give me these three ladies. Not going to lie, these ladies aren’t my ideal but there is something about funky fresh dance moves and Japanese women. It’s….a thing I have. Oh, and that’s a nice car that lady is sitting in. Is that a straight six? Heh, I have a straight six right now watching this video.
11. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #8)
Well it looks like Kumi Koda is falling like…she did on that bottle in the ‘Juicy’ video. I wonder where that bottle is now. Probably traumatized. THE BOTTLE SAID NO! Anyway, we are into the Top 10!
10. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #11)
We have made it to the upper regions and we start with a little Fall Out Boy! God…I really hate Tag body spray. I really do. But this song kicks ass and that holds precedent over everything else. Makes up for the 4 minute ad of a video.
9. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #6, one week at #1)
And the citizens cry due to sorrow. Yui looks to be falling out of the Top 10 after a run as the #1 video. Could Yui be the ‘Queen of the Countdown’? Well, aside from Nelly Furtado and Namie Amuro (and maybe Amy Lee from Evanescence) she really is by herself on top with that one. Oh, that and she is hella hot.
8. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #10)
RAWKING ALL UP ON YOUR FACE! Abingdon Boys School moves up two spots this week and dare I say hell yeah. This song is on my profile and as soon as I re-find my software for clipping music it is SO the next ring tone!
7. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #9)
Yay! More Yui! Back to the ‘Queen of the Countdown’ comment. What ever happened to A.I.?! After ‘I Wanna Know’ I haven’t heard from her since! While you are at it, give me some more Jamosa. That is some nice, saucy woman right there. Hell, give me some new Halcali and May J (I’m not really feeling ‘Dear…’)! Let the ladies have some time!
6. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #7)
One step away from the Top Five and we have Orange Range! Been a while since they have been up this high! They had some lackluster work recently *ahem* ‘UnRockstar’ but this video is making up for it. Here is to a follow up album soon!
5. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #3)
Hey! Hey! You! You! Okay, I still like this video but let’s face it: it’s Avril Lavigne. Yeah, I must say I would wreck that (if I completely knew how, my knowledge of wrecking is spotty at best) but at the end of the day she made ‘SK8TR BOI’ and for that I can never forgive. Although she DID make ‘Falling Down’ so it kind of evens out.
4. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #5)
You know…Rascal Flats could lay claim to ‘Kings of the Countdown’. Before Nelly Furtado’s ‘Say It Right’ they had the longest running unofficial video in the Top 20 with ‘What Hurts The Most’ last year. Hell, it even made it to #1! With ‘Stand’ they have their second Top 5 and are making a run for the top to boot! Pretty good for some guys from Ohio.
3. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #4)
We are in the Top 3 and Marron 5 makes their first trip up here ever! I just got their album and it is actually pretty good! It is not as single laden as their first album but the songs are good on their own merit. Oh, that and this video kicks the ass. Especially the unedited version. The song sounds like my life for the most part. Only two remain…
2. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #1, four weeks at #1)
UPSET OF THE YEAR! After a month long stranglehold on the Top Spot, nobodyknows+ falls a spot to Number 2! This song SO kicks the ass and I really wonder if they can follow this up. I mean it is DIFFICULT to follow up your first video with another bad ass one. UVERworld did with ‘Shamrock’ after ‘Chance!’ but those are rare. We will have to see! Well…this means we have a new King
1. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #2, one week at #1)
…or shall I say QUEEN! After a LOOOOOOONG 3 month wait Yuna Ito finally captures the throne! Did you see her at the MTV Japan VMA’s? Can you say ‘teh hawt’ peeps because that is what she was! Can’t believe ‘Truth’ didn’t win a VMA at ALL. I love Kumi Koda as much as the next j-pop fan but didn’t she win LAST YEAR? And the video she won for this year wasn’t all that damn good! Doesn’t matter, because Yuna is #1 on the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown and that is all that matters!
Well, that is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if Yuna can hang on to #1 for a second week! Or can nobodyknows+ not only capture the Top Spot TWICE with the same song but be the first video since T.I’.’s “What You Know” to stay at #1 for more than a month? Or can Maroon 5 leapfrog BOTH for the crown? Tune in next week to find out!
Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start this week with a hip hop video that looks to be saying goodbye to the Top 20…
20. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #17)
It seems the run is over for K-OS after a pretty good stay. This video made it all the way to the Top Ten which is pretty good for a first time out. Here is to hoping for a new video very soon!
19. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (New Entry)
Reggaeton! Very few people know this, but I am totally down for Daddy Yankee. He is the mad notes! Sadly, Fergie is a man and had the audacity to call out Nelly Furtado (OH NO SHE DI-ENT!) but that doesn’t take away from the kickassedness of this video. Oh, and Fergie looks like she is on roids. Ladies, you don’t have to look like fucking Triple H to be attractive. I likes some softness.
18. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #16)
Another video on the verge of falling off the Countdown after falling one spot short of the Top Five. Do we still get MuchMusic on Comcast? I don’t think we do. That sucks because it was the only place I could see these guys.
17. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #20)
When in the hell are they going to be on the On Demand Bento Box?! They have TM Revolution (which don’t get me wrong, rawk your fucking face) on every damn week! Give me some Hyde and the crew!
16. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #14)
Just got the single for ‘endscape’ and it totally kicks the ass! Meanwhile, this video falls two more spots. UVERworld hasn’t done much on the live front, either. Can’t find any videos of tour footage which kind of sucks. You know, UVERworld almost has this Countdown on lock if not for this next person…
15. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #12, four weeks at #1)
Can John officially be called ‘King of the Countdown’? Three #1 videos ties him with UVERworld (although T.I. and Yui have a chance to tie them) and he has Album of the Year to his credit. Sounds like credentials to me.
14. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week 18)
Suck emcees can call him sire! T.I. moves up four big spots with this video! I am looking forward to “T.I.P. vs. T.I.” more than any album this year including Common’s “Finding Forever”, Kanye’s “Graduation” and Usher’s coming LP. Hopefully the R.Kelly and T-Pain cameos will be kept to a minimum. God, let the R.Kelly and T-Pan cameos be kept to a minimum.
13. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #13)
So this video stands at #13 this week. Any word on a Crystal Kay album? I needs my hawtie fix since Yuna Ito is playing hard to get. Even better, Sowelu is back! MY GOD, SOWELU IS BACK! Mmm…how I missed her so. If I could find a way to get both her and Mandy Moore to marry me…I would so die happy.
12. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #15)
Screw that, give me these three ladies. Not going to lie, these ladies aren’t my ideal but there is something about funky fresh dance moves and Japanese women. It’s….a thing I have. Oh, and that’s a nice car that lady is sitting in. Is that a straight six? Heh, I have a straight six right now watching this video.
11. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #8)
Well it looks like Kumi Koda is falling like…she did on that bottle in the ‘Juicy’ video. I wonder where that bottle is now. Probably traumatized. THE BOTTLE SAID NO! Anyway, we are into the Top 10!
10. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #11)
We have made it to the upper regions and we start with a little Fall Out Boy! God…I really hate Tag body spray. I really do. But this song kicks ass and that holds precedent over everything else. Makes up for the 4 minute ad of a video.
9. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #6, one week at #1)
And the citizens cry due to sorrow. Yui looks to be falling out of the Top 10 after a run as the #1 video. Could Yui be the ‘Queen of the Countdown’? Well, aside from Nelly Furtado and Namie Amuro (and maybe Amy Lee from Evanescence) she really is by herself on top with that one. Oh, that and she is hella hot.
8. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #10)
RAWKING ALL UP ON YOUR FACE! Abingdon Boys School moves up two spots this week and dare I say hell yeah. This song is on my profile and as soon as I re-find my software for clipping music it is SO the next ring tone!
7. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #9)
Yay! More Yui! Back to the ‘Queen of the Countdown’ comment. What ever happened to A.I.?! After ‘I Wanna Know’ I haven’t heard from her since! While you are at it, give me some more Jamosa. That is some nice, saucy woman right there. Hell, give me some new Halcali and May J (I’m not really feeling ‘Dear…’)! Let the ladies have some time!
6. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #7)
One step away from the Top Five and we have Orange Range! Been a while since they have been up this high! They had some lackluster work recently *ahem* ‘UnRockstar’ but this video is making up for it. Here is to a follow up album soon!
5. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #3)
Hey! Hey! You! You! Okay, I still like this video but let’s face it: it’s Avril Lavigne. Yeah, I must say I would wreck that (if I completely knew how, my knowledge of wrecking is spotty at best) but at the end of the day she made ‘SK8TR BOI’ and for that I can never forgive. Although she DID make ‘Falling Down’ so it kind of evens out.
4. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #5)
You know…Rascal Flats could lay claim to ‘Kings of the Countdown’. Before Nelly Furtado’s ‘Say It Right’ they had the longest running unofficial video in the Top 20 with ‘What Hurts The Most’ last year. Hell, it even made it to #1! With ‘Stand’ they have their second Top 5 and are making a run for the top to boot! Pretty good for some guys from Ohio.
3. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #4)
We are in the Top 3 and Marron 5 makes their first trip up here ever! I just got their album and it is actually pretty good! It is not as single laden as their first album but the songs are good on their own merit. Oh, that and this video kicks the ass. Especially the unedited version. The song sounds like my life for the most part. Only two remain…
2. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #1, four weeks at #1)
UPSET OF THE YEAR! After a month long stranglehold on the Top Spot, nobodyknows+ falls a spot to Number 2! This song SO kicks the ass and I really wonder if they can follow this up. I mean it is DIFFICULT to follow up your first video with another bad ass one. UVERworld did with ‘Shamrock’ after ‘Chance!’ but those are rare. We will have to see! Well…this means we have a new King
1. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #2, one week at #1)
…or shall I say QUEEN! After a LOOOOOOONG 3 month wait Yuna Ito finally captures the throne! Did you see her at the MTV Japan VMA’s? Can you say ‘teh hawt’ peeps because that is what she was! Can’t believe ‘Truth’ didn’t win a VMA at ALL. I love Kumi Koda as much as the next j-pop fan but didn’t she win LAST YEAR? And the video she won for this year wasn’t all that damn good! Doesn’t matter, because Yuna is #1 on the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown and that is all that matters!
Well, that is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if Yuna can hang on to #1 for a second week! Or can nobodyknows+ not only capture the Top Spot TWICE with the same song but be the first video since T.I’.’s “What You Know” to stay at #1 for more than a month? Or can Maroon 5 leapfrog BOTH for the crown? Tune in next week to find out!
Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Two Snaps Up With A Twirl and a Shake!
What is up peeps! It is the beginning of the work week (BOOOOO!) and it has been a scary one so far (personal reasons) but it is looking up! Did everyone enjoy their extended weekend? Is the underage crowd enjoying summer vacation? Relish your youth, because if you think your life sucks now wait until you become an adult. Just deferred dreams and crushed hopes as far as the eye can see! I’m joking.
So Nolan and I went to the Chapel Hills Mall yesterday (because traffic to Denver was totally fucked and I was not putting up with that shit) looking at clothes when I realized something: as much as White people complain about how Blacks dress they should just keep their fool mouths shut. What is with the lack of fashion sense these days? I mean I am no fashion plate but I believe that I have some style. That being said, there are some things that just are NOT ‘teh fashion’ and I am here to call it out. So today, I give you a new segment of Passion of Chachi…
CHACHI FAB-YOU-LOUS!!
Today I will look at what is hot and what is so not in the fashion today. Let’s start off with something that has really just created a series of fashion misfits out there…
NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Technicolor Polo Shirts
Okay, I understand it is hard to sometimes pick a color that fits you. With that being said, you CANNOT just toss a bunch of colors in a shirt and call it faboo. I mean look at that shirt! It looks like H.R. Pufnstuf fucking threw up and someone made a polo out of it. Just not good fashion. I mean, you want to draw attention to yourself, not cause Pokemon-like seizures from looking at your eyesore of a shirt! Put it away! Next, some thing that is totally hot…
TOTALLY FAB-YOU-LOUS: Women in Suits
Okay, now this is a trend that has sadly not taken off. In a business or a casual setting, the black dress may be what is expected but you CLAIM to be individuals, right ladies? Well, what is more trendsetting than a woman wearing a suit to an event? Not only are they not the norm but they are totally HAWT when pulled off right! It screams ‘look at me, I’m different yet faboo’ and has the ability to be worn in any setting. Hell, if you have the attitude you could even pull off the Avril Lavigne tie thing, too! That takes a LOT of panache though. Not for everyone, like men and spring tones. Besides, aint a damn thing hotter than slacks and heels. Just….damn that’s HOT! Now for a trend that I don’t know why even got started…
NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Whale Tail
God…this is just nasty. I for one have never been a fan of the thong. First off because Sisqo made it popular and that nigga sucks. Except for ‘Enchantment Passing Through’ because that song is bad ass. Second off it is just poor fashion sense. Underwear are called ‘underwear’ because they are SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU WEAR! Just like sagging of the pants in the mid-90’s, your underwear is to not be seen by everyone. Ladies, if you think that is what men want you are a fucking idiot to show it because you know what else men want to see? Lo Pan in every fucking movie. You don’t see that and you know why? It would be too much of a good thing, that’s why! The simple fact is it has nothing to do with you being skanky by showing your underwear. It is just bad fashion. Underwear aren’t an accessory, they are a necessity. Show some fashion sense and keep them under wraps, ladies. Mystery is a good thing. I guess women are at least WEARING underwear so it’s a start.
I will have the Chachi Summer Faboo Fashion Preview soon (June timeframe) so stay tuned! Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up before Friday for another rant of some sort. Until then, BOUNCE WITH ME!!
DJ Ozma may have passed Dance*man as my new idol. Funky fresh dancing and afro’s? Now THAT is faboo! Stay up, peeps. Maybe some classic Chachi tomorrow. Until then stay up peeps.
Chachi Out!
So Nolan and I went to the Chapel Hills Mall yesterday (because traffic to Denver was totally fucked and I was not putting up with that shit) looking at clothes when I realized something: as much as White people complain about how Blacks dress they should just keep their fool mouths shut. What is with the lack of fashion sense these days? I mean I am no fashion plate but I believe that I have some style. That being said, there are some things that just are NOT ‘teh fashion’ and I am here to call it out. So today, I give you a new segment of Passion of Chachi…
CHACHI FAB-YOU-LOUS!!
Today I will look at what is hot and what is so not in the fashion today. Let’s start off with something that has really just created a series of fashion misfits out there…
NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Technicolor Polo Shirts
Okay, I understand it is hard to sometimes pick a color that fits you. With that being said, you CANNOT just toss a bunch of colors in a shirt and call it faboo. I mean look at that shirt! It looks like H.R. Pufnstuf fucking threw up and someone made a polo out of it. Just not good fashion. I mean, you want to draw attention to yourself, not cause Pokemon-like seizures from looking at your eyesore of a shirt! Put it away! Next, some thing that is totally hot…
TOTALLY FAB-YOU-LOUS: Women in Suits
Okay, now this is a trend that has sadly not taken off. In a business or a casual setting, the black dress may be what is expected but you CLAIM to be individuals, right ladies? Well, what is more trendsetting than a woman wearing a suit to an event? Not only are they not the norm but they are totally HAWT when pulled off right! It screams ‘look at me, I’m different yet faboo’ and has the ability to be worn in any setting. Hell, if you have the attitude you could even pull off the Avril Lavigne tie thing, too! That takes a LOT of panache though. Not for everyone, like men and spring tones. Besides, aint a damn thing hotter than slacks and heels. Just….damn that’s HOT! Now for a trend that I don’t know why even got started…
NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Whale Tail
God…this is just nasty. I for one have never been a fan of the thong. First off because Sisqo made it popular and that nigga sucks. Except for ‘Enchantment Passing Through’ because that song is bad ass. Second off it is just poor fashion sense. Underwear are called ‘underwear’ because they are SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU WEAR! Just like sagging of the pants in the mid-90’s, your underwear is to not be seen by everyone. Ladies, if you think that is what men want you are a fucking idiot to show it because you know what else men want to see? Lo Pan in every fucking movie. You don’t see that and you know why? It would be too much of a good thing, that’s why! The simple fact is it has nothing to do with you being skanky by showing your underwear. It is just bad fashion. Underwear aren’t an accessory, they are a necessity. Show some fashion sense and keep them under wraps, ladies. Mystery is a good thing. I guess women are at least WEARING underwear so it’s a start.
I will have the Chachi Summer Faboo Fashion Preview soon (June timeframe) so stay tuned! Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up before Friday for another rant of some sort. Until then, BOUNCE WITH ME!!
DJ Ozma may have passed Dance*man as my new idol. Funky fresh dancing and afro’s? Now THAT is faboo! Stay up, peeps. Maybe some classic Chachi tomorrow. Until then stay up peeps.
Chachi Out!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Cuz I STAYS Droppin' Knowledge!
WHOO-HOO! THREE DAY WEEKEND! What is up peeps?! Pretty action packed first third of the weekend, an afternoon-special like middle and a rather relaxed ending so far. I mean, I can’t be ballin’ 24/7. That is just damn near impossible. I’m not Diddy!
So as you know, I went to see Wicked last week after TWO FUCKING YEARS of ditching the idea due to being poor or getting shitty ass tickets and all I can say is that I was NOT DISAPPOINTED! It was everything I ever dreamed of and more! Seeing as how I haven’t read the book in a few years and my iPod got wiped (because Apple sucks it dry) so my Wicked playlist got lost I was up on the story and was able to still sing along with three songs (All I can say is that I hope a certain someone wasn’t annoyed by my mouthing along to ‘Popular’) and it was a good adaptation (Zach pointed out something I totally missed but hey, reading is NOT ballin’).
So this has to be said: Glenda the Good Witch is HAWT:
This Weeks Movie: Pirates of the Caribeean: At World’s End!
Okay, there were good and bad about this movie….
GOOD:
The Action: My god, if you thought Spiderman 3 and 300 were action packed those movies moved like fucking ‘Contact’ compared to Pirates 3. I can honestly say that this movie is the most ACTION PACKED film ever. From the opening sequence with Chow Yung Fat (Is there a movie where he ISN’T a bad ass? My fucking god the man RULES) to the pirate ship battles (Shades of Pirates! And Skies of Arcadia, fools! If you don’t know, fucking play them because they rock) to the non-stop running the film was a mile a minute. There were a shit load of minutes (more on that later) but the dead spots were minimal unlike Spiderman 3 and the action was fast paced unlike 300.
Johnny Depp: SNOOGLES! Although he wasn’t in the movie for the first 1/5th of the running time, when he DID come in it was awesome. Won’t ruin it, but I will just say that his introduction is the exact same as a lot of my dreams. Just Depp by the ship full! He actually carried the movie because Orlando Bloom is only believable as an elf and Keira Knightley is only believable as an 11 year old boy. Them kissing must send Michael Jackson over the fucking edge (more on that later as well) because their parts were a drag. Luckily it became the Jack Sparrow Show after his arrival because Johnny Depp was as aloof as ever. This performance was better than ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ and on par with ‘Black Pearl’. Oh, and did I mention that Johnny Depp is hot? If I didn’t….he’s hot.
The Effects: $300 MILLION DOLLARS WELL SPENT! This movie is what MC Chris meant when he said ‘epic in scope’ about God of War. Everything about this movie screamed over-the-top from Calypso, to the whirlpool scene to the opening Singapore battle. Pirates was a visual masterpiece. Spiderman had crisper fights and 300 had more epic battles but Pirates was the happy medium. The swashbuckling was well choreographed and the sheer presence of Davy Jones looked like he was real rather than a mish-mash of CGI and animatronics. The movie itself visually was impressive and well worth the watch based on that alone.
HOWEVER…there is some bad news…
BAD:
The Length: Holy fucking shit. 2 hours and 47 minutes was a LONG TIME. Now I will admit that it passed rather quickly, but the time was excessive. 20 minutes could have been cut from this film because although there was a lot of action, there was a bit TOO MUCH action. Even though scenes really didn’t drag and the dead spots were comedic it doesn’t fix the fact that this movie tried to be Lord of the Rings (and that is a can of worms I don’t have time to rant about right now). The only good thing about the length being so long was that it gave more time for action and plot development. Which brings me to my next problem…
The Plot: Okay, I know Spiderman 3 had three conflicts at one time and jumped back and forth but at the end of the day it was linear in scope from beginning to end and nothing was left hanging except for the Sandman and he sucks and was a plot device so it wasn’t that big a deal. As for Pirates 3…
WHAT IN THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!
There were no less than SEVEN plot twists and SIX betrayals in this movie and that is a low ball because after a while I stopped fucking caring and just waited for Jack Sparrow to be funny again and see shit blow up. Seriously, the plot was ALL OVER THE PLACE and not in a good way. I’m not going to sit here and say it is hard to get past that but it explains the length of the movie and was a DAMN GOOD REASON TO CUT IT SHORT BY THIRTY MINUTES! First off, any dialog about Keira’s plot twists could have been removed because it was pointless and could have easily been written out if for nothing else to give Chow some more screen time. It was obvious they tried to fit as much as they could in to this movie and all of that wasn’t even needed. Even though I kept up with the plot twists, a plot twist is like ice cream. If you keep on having them, they lose their appeal. By the time the fifth one happened I no longer cared and it turned me off from the plot. May not be the same for others but I just got annoyed by the ‘What a twist!’ feel of the movie.
The Little Boy Love Story: I could have done without Will Turner and Elizabeth whatever-the-fuck-her-name-was. Keira is not a convincing heroine and as for Orlando Bloom he needs to just fucking stop trying to be Johnny Depp. Their love story is tacked on for one and for two pirates don’t fall in love, they plunder the booty! In more ways than one, if you catch my drift. The only pirate love story was ‘Pirates of Penzance’ and that is more of a loose interpretation of pirate love. If there was EVER a more unconvincing pirate than Orlando Bloom, I’d like to see one. There were other story lines (Davy Jones/Calypso, Jack Sparrow and his father) that could have taken up the 25+ minutes their shitty ass story took up. Besides, you know Jack Sparrow totally wrecked that.
Okay, long story short this movie is a true summer blockbuster. True to form, it is heavy on action and adventure but is surprisingly heavy on plot. Sometimes less is more in the plot department for movies like this but it doesn’t take away from the viewing experience. It’s long and action packed, and if you let the action override the time you would take trying to decipher the plot then you will truly enjoy yourself. If not, you will still like it but nowhere near as much. So because of all these factors, I give this movie…
8 out of 10 Stars!!
(A fun, big budget summer movie. Long like the LOTR and Harry Potter but sadly with the plot ideas of the last two Matrix movies and The Hulk. Luckily, the plot doesn’t drag the overall film near as much as they did. Check it out if you have a free 2 days or so.)
Ladies and gentlemen…I give you the downfall of two sets of people. First, teenage girls:
What in the fuck? A movie based on a toy?! Before you run your mouth about Transformers, that toy has a legend to it and is part of nostalgia for more people than whatever in the fuck Bratz are. Secondly, Transformers gave us ‘You Got The Touch’ by Rick Derringer while the Bratz have given us nothing but the Dumbening of Teenage Girls and the rise of internet speak in the real world. LAWL! OH EM GEE! EN BEE DEE! How about Dee Oh Ay?! Because you r-tards need to die. Yes, I know I said a form of ‘leet speak’ but at least it stays within the community and for the most part isn’t mass marketed. We like our basements and comic book/gamer shops. The makers of this movie obviously wanted to make ‘Mean Girls 2’ but couldn’t get Lindsay Lohan off the white horse long enough to read the fucking script. This movie sucks and if you are a female and you watch it congratulations, you are well on your way to being the next Paris Hilton. Enjoy jail and herpes. The next part of the downfall of society is ‘Lip Gloss’:
Okay, I have ranted on this before because young girls should not want any attention to their fucking mouths. Lip gloss is for…shit I don’t know is it like Chap-Stick? Then USE FUCKING CHAP-STICK! Men aren’t looking at your lips, they are either looking at your tits or like me they aren’t looking at you at all because you are wearing fucking lip gloss and YOU ARE TRYING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR LIPS AND I AINT FALLING FOR THAT SHIT! That aint my issue at this point in time.
Shucking and jiving! SHUCKING AND JIVING! God-tittyfucking-dammit-Christ-of-all-that-is-fucking-holy! Black people….just stop. I can’t stand this shit. Might as well just shackle myself and take the first fucking bus to Alabama and start picking cotton. It’s times like this where I really believe that deep down, Black people WANT to be caricatures because if you didn’t this shit wouldn’t exist. God, if Obama doesn’t win, Blacks will be back in the fields by 2009. I guarantee it. I can’t be no slave, Silky!
Well, now that I have gotten it out of my system that is all for now. If you look to the side (left on MySpace, right on Blogger) you will see the Countdown play list is updated and SHOULD be running. If not let me know because I spent all day trying to fix that shit. I will be back up at some point this week because I am sure something will piss me off. If not, I will be back on Friday for sure. Until then, stay up peeps and enjoy Monday if you have it off!
Chachi Out!
So as you know, I went to see Wicked last week after TWO FUCKING YEARS of ditching the idea due to being poor or getting shitty ass tickets and all I can say is that I was NOT DISAPPOINTED! It was everything I ever dreamed of and more! Seeing as how I haven’t read the book in a few years and my iPod got wiped (because Apple sucks it dry) so my Wicked playlist got lost I was up on the story and was able to still sing along with three songs (All I can say is that I hope a certain someone wasn’t annoyed by my mouthing along to ‘Popular’) and it was a good adaptation (Zach pointed out something I totally missed but hey, reading is NOT ballin’).
So this has to be said: Glenda the Good Witch is HAWT:
I mean god damn I am not a fan of blonds but…I would so LOVE that. Keep in mind we were in box seats and I could see down her gowns (Cleavage at a 75 degree angle? It’s BOOB-TASTIC! They weren't even big either. They were oh so right...) so it was all visual glory. Give me a woman that can sing AND dance and you have my future wife. We could have our arguments in song! How bad ass would that be?! So if you are out there, Christina DeCicco I want to tell you how I feel. Because tonight, baby…I WANNA GET FREAKY WITH YOOOOOOOOOOU!!!
Hells yeah. If you get the chance, go see Wicked. It is great stuff! So now it is time for what is the third most anticipated movie on this blog (behind Spiderman 3 and Transformers) of 2007. Last years ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ was awesome if not riot inducing because of the ending and on Friday came the end of the trilogy. So I give you a Sunday Edition of…
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!
Hells yeah. If you get the chance, go see Wicked. It is great stuff! So now it is time for what is the third most anticipated movie on this blog (behind Spiderman 3 and Transformers) of 2007. Last years ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ was awesome if not riot inducing because of the ending and on Friday came the end of the trilogy. So I give you a Sunday Edition of…
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!
This Weeks Movie: Pirates of the Caribeean: At World’s End!
Okay, there were good and bad about this movie….
GOOD:
The Action: My god, if you thought Spiderman 3 and 300 were action packed those movies moved like fucking ‘Contact’ compared to Pirates 3. I can honestly say that this movie is the most ACTION PACKED film ever. From the opening sequence with Chow Yung Fat (Is there a movie where he ISN’T a bad ass? My fucking god the man RULES) to the pirate ship battles (Shades of Pirates! And Skies of Arcadia, fools! If you don’t know, fucking play them because they rock) to the non-stop running the film was a mile a minute. There were a shit load of minutes (more on that later) but the dead spots were minimal unlike Spiderman 3 and the action was fast paced unlike 300.
Johnny Depp: SNOOGLES! Although he wasn’t in the movie for the first 1/5th of the running time, when he DID come in it was awesome. Won’t ruin it, but I will just say that his introduction is the exact same as a lot of my dreams. Just Depp by the ship full! He actually carried the movie because Orlando Bloom is only believable as an elf and Keira Knightley is only believable as an 11 year old boy. Them kissing must send Michael Jackson over the fucking edge (more on that later as well) because their parts were a drag. Luckily it became the Jack Sparrow Show after his arrival because Johnny Depp was as aloof as ever. This performance was better than ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ and on par with ‘Black Pearl’. Oh, and did I mention that Johnny Depp is hot? If I didn’t….he’s hot.
The Effects: $300 MILLION DOLLARS WELL SPENT! This movie is what MC Chris meant when he said ‘epic in scope’ about God of War. Everything about this movie screamed over-the-top from Calypso, to the whirlpool scene to the opening Singapore battle. Pirates was a visual masterpiece. Spiderman had crisper fights and 300 had more epic battles but Pirates was the happy medium. The swashbuckling was well choreographed and the sheer presence of Davy Jones looked like he was real rather than a mish-mash of CGI and animatronics. The movie itself visually was impressive and well worth the watch based on that alone.
HOWEVER…there is some bad news…
BAD:
The Length: Holy fucking shit. 2 hours and 47 minutes was a LONG TIME. Now I will admit that it passed rather quickly, but the time was excessive. 20 minutes could have been cut from this film because although there was a lot of action, there was a bit TOO MUCH action. Even though scenes really didn’t drag and the dead spots were comedic it doesn’t fix the fact that this movie tried to be Lord of the Rings (and that is a can of worms I don’t have time to rant about right now). The only good thing about the length being so long was that it gave more time for action and plot development. Which brings me to my next problem…
The Plot: Okay, I know Spiderman 3 had three conflicts at one time and jumped back and forth but at the end of the day it was linear in scope from beginning to end and nothing was left hanging except for the Sandman and he sucks and was a plot device so it wasn’t that big a deal. As for Pirates 3…
WHAT IN THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!
There were no less than SEVEN plot twists and SIX betrayals in this movie and that is a low ball because after a while I stopped fucking caring and just waited for Jack Sparrow to be funny again and see shit blow up. Seriously, the plot was ALL OVER THE PLACE and not in a good way. I’m not going to sit here and say it is hard to get past that but it explains the length of the movie and was a DAMN GOOD REASON TO CUT IT SHORT BY THIRTY MINUTES! First off, any dialog about Keira’s plot twists could have been removed because it was pointless and could have easily been written out if for nothing else to give Chow some more screen time. It was obvious they tried to fit as much as they could in to this movie and all of that wasn’t even needed. Even though I kept up with the plot twists, a plot twist is like ice cream. If you keep on having them, they lose their appeal. By the time the fifth one happened I no longer cared and it turned me off from the plot. May not be the same for others but I just got annoyed by the ‘What a twist!’ feel of the movie.
The Little Boy Love Story: I could have done without Will Turner and Elizabeth whatever-the-fuck-her-name-was. Keira is not a convincing heroine and as for Orlando Bloom he needs to just fucking stop trying to be Johnny Depp. Their love story is tacked on for one and for two pirates don’t fall in love, they plunder the booty! In more ways than one, if you catch my drift. The only pirate love story was ‘Pirates of Penzance’ and that is more of a loose interpretation of pirate love. If there was EVER a more unconvincing pirate than Orlando Bloom, I’d like to see one. There were other story lines (Davy Jones/Calypso, Jack Sparrow and his father) that could have taken up the 25+ minutes their shitty ass story took up. Besides, you know Jack Sparrow totally wrecked that.
Okay, long story short this movie is a true summer blockbuster. True to form, it is heavy on action and adventure but is surprisingly heavy on plot. Sometimes less is more in the plot department for movies like this but it doesn’t take away from the viewing experience. It’s long and action packed, and if you let the action override the time you would take trying to decipher the plot then you will truly enjoy yourself. If not, you will still like it but nowhere near as much. So because of all these factors, I give this movie…
8 out of 10 Stars!!
(A fun, big budget summer movie. Long like the LOTR and Harry Potter but sadly with the plot ideas of the last two Matrix movies and The Hulk. Luckily, the plot doesn’t drag the overall film near as much as they did. Check it out if you have a free 2 days or so.)
Ladies and gentlemen…I give you the downfall of two sets of people. First, teenage girls:
What in the fuck? A movie based on a toy?! Before you run your mouth about Transformers, that toy has a legend to it and is part of nostalgia for more people than whatever in the fuck Bratz are. Secondly, Transformers gave us ‘You Got The Touch’ by Rick Derringer while the Bratz have given us nothing but the Dumbening of Teenage Girls and the rise of internet speak in the real world. LAWL! OH EM GEE! EN BEE DEE! How about Dee Oh Ay?! Because you r-tards need to die. Yes, I know I said a form of ‘leet speak’ but at least it stays within the community and for the most part isn’t mass marketed. We like our basements and comic book/gamer shops. The makers of this movie obviously wanted to make ‘Mean Girls 2’ but couldn’t get Lindsay Lohan off the white horse long enough to read the fucking script. This movie sucks and if you are a female and you watch it congratulations, you are well on your way to being the next Paris Hilton. Enjoy jail and herpes. The next part of the downfall of society is ‘Lip Gloss’:
Okay, I have ranted on this before because young girls should not want any attention to their fucking mouths. Lip gloss is for…shit I don’t know is it like Chap-Stick? Then USE FUCKING CHAP-STICK! Men aren’t looking at your lips, they are either looking at your tits or like me they aren’t looking at you at all because you are wearing fucking lip gloss and YOU ARE TRYING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR LIPS AND I AINT FALLING FOR THAT SHIT! That aint my issue at this point in time.
Shucking and jiving! SHUCKING AND JIVING! God-tittyfucking-dammit-Christ-of-all-that-is-fucking-holy! Black people….just stop. I can’t stand this shit. Might as well just shackle myself and take the first fucking bus to Alabama and start picking cotton. It’s times like this where I really believe that deep down, Black people WANT to be caricatures because if you didn’t this shit wouldn’t exist. God, if Obama doesn’t win, Blacks will be back in the fields by 2009. I guarantee it. I can’t be no slave, Silky!
Well, now that I have gotten it out of my system that is all for now. If you look to the side (left on MySpace, right on Blogger) you will see the Countdown play list is updated and SHOULD be running. If not let me know because I spent all day trying to fix that shit. I will be back up at some point this week because I am sure something will piss me off. If not, I will be back on Friday for sure. Until then, stay up peeps and enjoy Monday if you have it off!
Chachi Out!
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