Alright, I am back ONCE AGAIN this week and I tell you it is feeling kind of good to post every day. It is usually the last thing I do before I go to bed so there are a lot of things to type about and all. So in between watching NBA basketball and J-pop videos I was watching the wrap-up of the Democratic Primaries in Kentucky and Oregon. Now I am sure you are expecting me to say “Hillary should stop for the sake of the party” like I used to do but now I really don’t care anymore. I really don’t have a problem with Hillary anymore because she isn’t on the radar. She can’t win without officially usurping the will of the peoples votes and delegates and if she does that then I am voting for McCain. My issue isn’t with Hillary, it is with her supporters.
You see, I feel like Hillary the same way I feel about the Mac. You see, an Apple computer has great uses and is an excellent machine for what it is used for in its niche markets. Now I don’t mean “niche” as in “fringe” but more like it is great for what it is made for which is digital video, music and retards. Hillary Clinton I think is a great politician and (surprisingly) has SOME views I agree with. Hell, when this whole thing started I was going to vote for her. Then I did something I haven’t done in a long time.
I listened to my mom.
My mother knows best and as a middle aged Black woman she kind of gets the fucked up ends of the stick in terms of respect from White feminists (Ask them, watch how they different races feel about each other), White men and even Black men. Being born and raised in the Southside of Chicago, my mom really didn’t have it good on either front (Female or Black) and I figured that she would want to vote for Hillary. I was dead wrong. Now she has never ONCE said that Obama should be President because he could be the first Black one. Nor has she supported Hillary because she would be the first female President. My mother supports Obama for the sole aspect that Hillary is the same politics we have seen since 1980. Voting for Hillary is like voting for Bill Clinton again, which I was (And she was not) a fan of for the eight years he was in there. I don’t know how many times my mother has called Hillary a “lying bitch” and I just call her a fucktard but hey, if my momma said it that shit is TRUE.
It isn’t about Obama looking like me and it isn’t about Hillary being the opposite sex. It is about who isn’t like them. And by them I mean the status quo. As much as Obama may seem like a dreamer, at least he HAS a dream. Hillary has spent a good amount of time trying to extend the race and change the rules that she initially agreed with about Florida and Michigan and in the end what she needs to do is just run. Win states without playing the race card and tossing out math that isn’t feasible or logical and just run. Quit bragging about winning states now in the end that you won’t win in the general election. Go out there, run your race and quit playing the “sexism” card.
Speaking of sexism, aren’t there more women on this planet than men? Therefore, shouldn’t there be more females voting than men anyway? How is she losing when in the beginning there were like four or five male candidates splitting the male vote and she STILL was barely winning? Is there sexism in this race? Of course there is! There is racism against Obama and ageism against McCain. People stick with their own because at the end of the day…all Americans are only American during the Olympics and Rocky IV.
With that being said, look at this breakdown:
McCain: Rich, old white men, old white women married to old white men, bros, pretty much the Bush crowd.
Obama: Blacks, well-to-do young Whites….um….Jews? He seems very kosher!
Clinton: lower-class Whites, the women that don’t vote for McCain or Obama (SEE! Told you women are self-defeating!), a spicy smattering of Mexicans.
That leaves one demographic: ASIANS. So to my Japanese collective out there, Obama is your man! You know why? HE LOVES BUKAKKE!!!
Well, I will try to be back up tomorrow. I need sleep so until then, stay up peeps.
Obama Ga Kette, Bukkake Ga Daisuki!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Dr. Phil Aint Got Shit On Me!
What is up, people? I am back AGAIN and I am shocked that I am averaging about five posts a week for the year of 2008. At this rate, I would have the most posts I have ever done in a year and I have been at this since 2006. Maybe people will start reading this thing and I can REALLY get cooking.
So over the last few years on this blog I have posed some very interesting questions and gave a logical answer to each and despite the complaints from people (Read: women) that claim to be offended or just say I am wrong with no basis for their answer being correct (Which I have learned is the MO for any female between the ages of 21-30, niggas and bros) I can honestly say that I speak the truth to the hip youth. So today I have a new kind of post. I am going to look back on some of my older posed questions and see how well they hold weight and quite simply see if they are still right. So, everyone get your books and bring your fun hats because it is time for…
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi: Teachers Edition Review!
Question #1: Are Women Smarter Than Zebras?
Answer Then: No
Answer Now: Pfft, they are lucky to outsmart gummi bears.
Now this was an argument that I posed to my Social Feminism (I believe that was the class, it was 2002 and my mind is sketchy) and I was vilified for my words but my statement was validated by their responses and actions. This was from the post and it was actually taken (Mostly) from the debate in class
“Let's look at this with a little bit of logic. Black men and white women don't hold hands in Alabama when possible. Gay college students stay away from frat parties wearing rainbows. White people stay out of New Orleans, D.C. and Detroit after midnight. Why? Because it is just logical and good common sense. In the jungle, how many times have you seen a zebra walk up to a lion and give it a kiss like Bugs Bunny gave Elmer Fudd? Never. Why? Because it's not good common sense. Are women smarter than zebras? Of course they are. So why do things that aren't safe for you?
That’s not a fair comparison, you say? You should be able to drink whenever and not have to worry about being groped or worse sexually assaulted? You say you should be able to have a good time without fearing for your safety? You know what? You are correct. You know what else? I don't like having to say this but tough shit. It's sad, but it’s the way things are. I'm a grown man but I was scared when I was in Mississippi. I was literally scared because of how people looked at me and the artifacts of racism that were in gas stations and restaurants (confederate flags, sambo statues, etc). Is that fair? That I should be afraid of being assaulted? No. But you know what, tough shit for me. It hurts me to say that, but at the same time, I want to live to be 30.”
Now I for one will admit that I have done some dumb ass things but at the end of the day I know what to do and what not to do. I know women love to say “well society should change” or “well, I don’t have to do what society tells me” or my FAVORITE “I don’t listen to this society.” Now in a perfect and completely anarchistic world those statements are valid and actually a great way to look at it as you do what makes you feel good. But there are things that make other people feel good that may make you feel bad. Like…rapes or lynching. Let’s not forget about the fag-drags. Now those acts are illegal but people WILL do them if you allow yourself to be put in that situation. Now no Black man in the south ASKED to be lynched (Although eyeballing the sweet, white sugar didn’t help anything) but the simple fact is that he was in the SOUTH. They were (Um….are) uneducated, racist fucktards that felt the need to validate themselves by oppressing and even killing those they thought were inferior. There are times when danger is about and it’s either morphin time or its fleeing time. It’s not a good time to try to convince the drunk dude that bought you a drink in the bar that you went home with of your “right to have a good time” while he is already on top of you. I am just saying.
What always confused me since that class (And to a MAJOR extent since this rant that I will touch on later) is that the older women get the more defiant they get about not wanting to just be smart. I UNDERSTAND that the world should be one way but it fucking isn’t. You have to take precautions to stay safe and sometimes that means not having that fourth Long Island Iced Teas and occasionally wearing some fucking panties. You don’t fight the power by deciding that you want to be able to dress how you want or drink yourself stupid. You try to change the way you perceived yourself amongst YOURSELVES first. The first step of a movement is finding out where you STAND and then you figure out from WHERE YOU STAND where you want the movement to take you. I mean do women really want it to be okay for them to be whores? Some do, most don’t the negative connotation of being considered one. Do women just want to be treated as equals and put on the same ground in terms of societal standards and standing? Many do, but there are a lot of you out there (And I know a few of you bitches) that don’t want the responsibility or the work of equality but want the power. You can’t ask for equality if you don’t know what equality IS. Ask niggas and their reparations bullshit. You know who pays that shit? ME because I have a fucking job! So I am paying reparations to myself. Great, I’m a fucking slave again.
This is off topic, but I take time to talk to old black men and women all the time. You know why? BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OLD FUCKING BLACK PEOPLE! Those that are out there did SOMETHING right because between the dogs, nooses, fire hoses and Tuskegee experiments I figured there wouldn’t be any Black people left! They obviously either did things to AVOID trouble or got in trouble and said “You know what? Fuck this marching alone shit; them crackers and they dogs kicked my ass! I am marching with The King!” In other words, being a solitary whore doesn’t create change. Being an organized society of skanks makes change! Man…I am fucking awesome!
In the end, I still believe that there are a good percentage of women that are smarter than zebras. When I say that it is to get a rise and make women think just like my tossing in of the Tuskegee experiments is to get a rise out of Black people to make some fucking changes. I hear about women talk about wanting to change the status quo all the time but unless you are going to do a societal version of a bloody coup d’état to make it so that you can fuck the Detroit Pistons starting five and not be a whore then it is fucking moot. Figure out what the norm is FOR YOU as women, then bring that to the masses as how you want society to perceive you. God, have any of you even LOOKED OR READ anything about Women’s Suffrage or any Civil Rights Movements? Gawd.
Question #2: Is Chivalry Still Dead?
Answer Then: Yes
Answer Now: No, just the appreciation of it.
Now this is one thing I never really understood until I just flat out asked the sexes what they thought chivalry was and why it is dead. I stated this a few months ago, but I believe this should be noted as fact from this point on:
“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”
That makes PERFECT sense when you add in the viewpoints of the sexes. Every woman I have asked has said that chivalry is “lame” because “I don’t need someone to do something for me.” Yet, women in the club will rarely turn down a drink because…you are all lushes and looking for attention. Nothing wrong with that. Now MEN on the other hand don’t perform acts of chivalry because they also think its “lame” and “I’m not doing that for a woman that I’m not having sex with.” No shit, three dudes said that to me.
So I try to add this all up and I realize that people really don’t understand the intent. The intent of chivalry at its core isn’t to show dominance for men or dependence for women. Because guess what: chivalry initially was about MANNERS. There is chivalry toward men (Allowing another to pass in a non-submissive manner, salutations) and even women to men. So it isn’t about Uke and seme (HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yaoi reference….I am on a roll tonight) as much as it is about being a person with manners and some FUCKING HOME TRAINING. I open doors, let people pass and pull chairs because I was taught to and it is the right thing to do. If you are a woman and you see it as lame and someone trying take away your independence then you are a dumb bitch and expect the least from people. Congratulations, hope you know how to take a punch. If you are a man and you think it is lame and not worth doing ever because if you do it you better get some poontang then you are a fucktard. Most women that cannot accept simple acts of random kindness or manners are usually whores (Or quasi-feminists who think everyone is trying to fuck them with no one is) and likely will give you the gift of a wed-locked child or herpes. Or BOTH.
Man, I am a total dick but I am also totally right. On that note, it is bedtime. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new or at least a re-do of an old rant. Cant be going to bed at 2:30am for no reason anymore because I am SPENT in the mornings. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
So over the last few years on this blog I have posed some very interesting questions and gave a logical answer to each and despite the complaints from people (Read: women) that claim to be offended or just say I am wrong with no basis for their answer being correct (Which I have learned is the MO for any female between the ages of 21-30, niggas and bros) I can honestly say that I speak the truth to the hip youth. So today I have a new kind of post. I am going to look back on some of my older posed questions and see how well they hold weight and quite simply see if they are still right. So, everyone get your books and bring your fun hats because it is time for…
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi: Teachers Edition Review!
Question #1: Are Women Smarter Than Zebras?
Answer Then: No
Answer Now: Pfft, they are lucky to outsmart gummi bears.
Now this was an argument that I posed to my Social Feminism (I believe that was the class, it was 2002 and my mind is sketchy) and I was vilified for my words but my statement was validated by their responses and actions. This was from the post and it was actually taken (Mostly) from the debate in class
“Let's look at this with a little bit of logic. Black men and white women don't hold hands in Alabama when possible. Gay college students stay away from frat parties wearing rainbows. White people stay out of New Orleans, D.C. and Detroit after midnight. Why? Because it is just logical and good common sense. In the jungle, how many times have you seen a zebra walk up to a lion and give it a kiss like Bugs Bunny gave Elmer Fudd? Never. Why? Because it's not good common sense. Are women smarter than zebras? Of course they are. So why do things that aren't safe for you?
That’s not a fair comparison, you say? You should be able to drink whenever and not have to worry about being groped or worse sexually assaulted? You say you should be able to have a good time without fearing for your safety? You know what? You are correct. You know what else? I don't like having to say this but tough shit. It's sad, but it’s the way things are. I'm a grown man but I was scared when I was in Mississippi. I was literally scared because of how people looked at me and the artifacts of racism that were in gas stations and restaurants (confederate flags, sambo statues, etc). Is that fair? That I should be afraid of being assaulted? No. But you know what, tough shit for me. It hurts me to say that, but at the same time, I want to live to be 30.”
Now I for one will admit that I have done some dumb ass things but at the end of the day I know what to do and what not to do. I know women love to say “well society should change” or “well, I don’t have to do what society tells me” or my FAVORITE “I don’t listen to this society.” Now in a perfect and completely anarchistic world those statements are valid and actually a great way to look at it as you do what makes you feel good. But there are things that make other people feel good that may make you feel bad. Like…rapes or lynching. Let’s not forget about the fag-drags. Now those acts are illegal but people WILL do them if you allow yourself to be put in that situation. Now no Black man in the south ASKED to be lynched (Although eyeballing the sweet, white sugar didn’t help anything) but the simple fact is that he was in the SOUTH. They were (Um….are) uneducated, racist fucktards that felt the need to validate themselves by oppressing and even killing those they thought were inferior. There are times when danger is about and it’s either morphin time or its fleeing time. It’s not a good time to try to convince the drunk dude that bought you a drink in the bar that you went home with of your “right to have a good time” while he is already on top of you. I am just saying.
What always confused me since that class (And to a MAJOR extent since this rant that I will touch on later) is that the older women get the more defiant they get about not wanting to just be smart. I UNDERSTAND that the world should be one way but it fucking isn’t. You have to take precautions to stay safe and sometimes that means not having that fourth Long Island Iced Teas and occasionally wearing some fucking panties. You don’t fight the power by deciding that you want to be able to dress how you want or drink yourself stupid. You try to change the way you perceived yourself amongst YOURSELVES first. The first step of a movement is finding out where you STAND and then you figure out from WHERE YOU STAND where you want the movement to take you. I mean do women really want it to be okay for them to be whores? Some do, most don’t the negative connotation of being considered one. Do women just want to be treated as equals and put on the same ground in terms of societal standards and standing? Many do, but there are a lot of you out there (And I know a few of you bitches) that don’t want the responsibility or the work of equality but want the power. You can’t ask for equality if you don’t know what equality IS. Ask niggas and their reparations bullshit. You know who pays that shit? ME because I have a fucking job! So I am paying reparations to myself. Great, I’m a fucking slave again.
This is off topic, but I take time to talk to old black men and women all the time. You know why? BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OLD FUCKING BLACK PEOPLE! Those that are out there did SOMETHING right because between the dogs, nooses, fire hoses and Tuskegee experiments I figured there wouldn’t be any Black people left! They obviously either did things to AVOID trouble or got in trouble and said “You know what? Fuck this marching alone shit; them crackers and they dogs kicked my ass! I am marching with The King!” In other words, being a solitary whore doesn’t create change. Being an organized society of skanks makes change! Man…I am fucking awesome!
In the end, I still believe that there are a good percentage of women that are smarter than zebras. When I say that it is to get a rise and make women think just like my tossing in of the Tuskegee experiments is to get a rise out of Black people to make some fucking changes. I hear about women talk about wanting to change the status quo all the time but unless you are going to do a societal version of a bloody coup d’état to make it so that you can fuck the Detroit Pistons starting five and not be a whore then it is fucking moot. Figure out what the norm is FOR YOU as women, then bring that to the masses as how you want society to perceive you. God, have any of you even LOOKED OR READ anything about Women’s Suffrage or any Civil Rights Movements? Gawd.
Question #2: Is Chivalry Still Dead?
Answer Then: Yes
Answer Now: No, just the appreciation of it.
Now this is one thing I never really understood until I just flat out asked the sexes what they thought chivalry was and why it is dead. I stated this a few months ago, but I believe this should be noted as fact from this point on:
“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”
That makes PERFECT sense when you add in the viewpoints of the sexes. Every woman I have asked has said that chivalry is “lame” because “I don’t need someone to do something for me.” Yet, women in the club will rarely turn down a drink because…you are all lushes and looking for attention. Nothing wrong with that. Now MEN on the other hand don’t perform acts of chivalry because they also think its “lame” and “I’m not doing that for a woman that I’m not having sex with.” No shit, three dudes said that to me.
So I try to add this all up and I realize that people really don’t understand the intent. The intent of chivalry at its core isn’t to show dominance for men or dependence for women. Because guess what: chivalry initially was about MANNERS. There is chivalry toward men (Allowing another to pass in a non-submissive manner, salutations) and even women to men. So it isn’t about Uke and seme (HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yaoi reference….I am on a roll tonight) as much as it is about being a person with manners and some FUCKING HOME TRAINING. I open doors, let people pass and pull chairs because I was taught to and it is the right thing to do. If you are a woman and you see it as lame and someone trying take away your independence then you are a dumb bitch and expect the least from people. Congratulations, hope you know how to take a punch. If you are a man and you think it is lame and not worth doing ever because if you do it you better get some poontang then you are a fucktard. Most women that cannot accept simple acts of random kindness or manners are usually whores (Or quasi-feminists who think everyone is trying to fuck them with no one is) and likely will give you the gift of a wed-locked child or herpes. Or BOTH.
Man, I am a total dick but I am also totally right. On that note, it is bedtime. I will try to be back up tomorrow with something new or at least a re-do of an old rant. Cant be going to bed at 2:30am for no reason anymore because I am SPENT in the mornings. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Chachi's Court Is Now In Session!
What is up people? It was a really rough weekend as my cold is a LITTLE better (I am still coughing up phlegm and my head is kind of killing me) and yesterday was full of sake induced misadventures and shenanigans. Think I found the woman of my dreams, too. Or maybe not, I was a little off my rocker yesterday…
So we are about three weeks from the halfway point of 2008 and I must say that this years has gone by a LOT faster than 2006 and faster than 2007 as well, although the last five months of the year were a blur of carrying people upstairs, drunken smitteness (And sober smittenness. But whom?! The mystery continues!), four letters of resignation and of course THE LITTLE MERMAID. But this year has been fast and rather blasé. Aside from the Democratic election and the asshatery which is my former employer there hasn’t been much excitement this year. It hasn’t been BAD so far but it has been nowhere near GOOD by any means. Life is what you make of it and all that bullshit but still, you can only work with the tools you are given. Unless you steal them, which sounds like a good idea right about now.
So I want to talk about something. It is something that is part of why I am so jaded now and I have noticed that a lot of people I know are either broken fucktards or running around with someone that they CLAIM they forgive and yet are holding grudges for shit which I will get into later but that is the most childish shit I have ever heard of. So it is time for a little bit of lawgiving. So here is the first ever installment of…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Lays Down The Law!
This Weeks’ Crime: Infidelity!
Okay, I can say that aside from the Mormons, almost every true friend I have (You know who you are) has been cheated on by a significant other, yours truly included (Multiple times….same person….I’m a dumbass, I know) in some way, shape or form. Now first off let me say that if you are dating or are married to someone and you “cheat” by having sex with someone else then you are quite simply a piece of shit. I’m sorry you are and here is why:
1. Cowardice: Seriously, if you cannot tackle a problem head on which is causing this need for you to consider infidelity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first fucking place. I mean COME THE FUCK ON and grow up. If you can’t talk to the other person then you probably shouldn’t have been married or started dating in the first place.
2. Selfishness: Now when I say this I mean it in this way: if the other person did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? Odds are (This is a generalization but it rings VERY TRUE) that you would be hurt to no end. And yet…you have the audacity to do it to the other party. Congratulations, you are a selfish shit. If you are selfish in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one; get yourself a fucking hamster or something.
3. Illogical: Now I use this word because I don’t really believe in the word “immoral” because that would invoke religion and I think that now religion has no relevance in relationships because if you have more than one you are already being immoral so the point is moot. However, look at infidelity logically. What would one hope to accomplish with infidelity? One night of passion with a person that isn’t your other? Well, that is fine but is it a logical means to an end? One night (Or several) of sex is worth destroying a relationship? If so then odds are you shouldn’t have been with that person anyway. Even if the other person is a fit, break up with the current person first. It’s just common-fucking-sense.
So there are many more reasons someone would be a dipshit for cheating but there is another party and usually a just as guilty if not GUILTIER party and that is the person that is being cheated on. Now I said last night in jest that you never blame the victim but at the end of the day you have to figure out what made you the victim and how you can avoid being one again. We have all been there whether major or minor and your goal after being victimized should be how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. Now I for one have ran into this problem more times than I am comfortable saying (I am batting over .500 with bitches) but when you are the victim of a cheater you have to gauge the situation for yourself; fuck the other party. No matter how much they cry or apologize to you (Sigh, sweet situation narrative truth) you have to remember that why this happened could be your fault so you have to fix YOURSELF before you can accept an apology from the other party. Now here is what kills me the most: people that stay with the person that cheated on them and they do it again. Okay, it is time to get real here.
This is coming from someone who was laid off or outsourced from the same company THREE FUCKING TIMES. Aside from the first time (Which I was informed about prior to being let go but it still hurts when you are pretty much fresh out of college and it is your first real job) every time something like that happened I knew it was coming and I was okay with it because I tried to move out of said situation but roadblocks were in my way. That’s life, though. Now let’s bring this back. If you take back someone that cheated on you, at that point you are never….EVER allowed to be hurt or bitch if they do it to you again. You can never mention it in arguments and you can never say “Oh, I’m over it” when you know damn well you are not. Quit being a candyass and man the fuck up. If Kane can team with the Undertaker after being SET ON FIRE and win tag team championships then you can get over being cheated on. If you cannot, that is fine. Been there and I just had to say the nay no to getting back together. However, the one instance I DID stay I never brought it up again. Not during arguments, not when she was gone past when she said she would be and never when I was drunk (Ground zero! GROUND ZERO!).
That is something you have to accept: if you forgive the person you also have to forgive the act. Say what you will but one party cheats and you stay together, having that always in the back of one’s mind is not healthy. People make mistakes. Interceptions are thrown, line drives are misfielded, three point shooters are left open on botched rotations and occasionally, a defenseman scores on their own goalie. You have to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You can’t bring that shit up next season when you feel like they aren’t hustling or they blow an assignment. On a team you have to rely heavily on trust and in a relationship if you don’t have trust then all you have is two people that may happen to like to have sex with each other every now and then. Guess what? You are no better than drunk cats.
At the end of the day, the reason I posted this is because I am through fucking around with people. I have had just about enough of everyone complaining about how they are hurt because of what people did to them. Or better yet, complain about being hurt or feeling mistreated WHILE STILL WITH THE PERSON. In some cases, the person that was cheated on is more at fault for how the situation is handled than the person that cheated. If someone hurts you and you don’t leave then you have no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that person shouldn’t have cheated to begin with but I (Now, anyway) feel about cheating the same way I feel about physical abuse (if it happens once….there really SHOULDN’T BE A SECOND TIME! Now a quick note. I know that the…two or three people that read this may ask why I never lump mental and emotional abuse with physical abuse. Well, mental and emotional abuse are different by person as I can attest to. “You don’t validate my need to dress like a whore and feel normal about it! YOU’RE NOT SUPPORTIVE!” Well, that isn’t what she SAID but that’s how it SOUNDED to me. Quite simply, you never know how people will take it because one person’s joke is another person’s route to feeling de-validated…which she also said I did when I told her that she didn’t need my permission to do things which to HER meant I didn’t care. Abuse of the head is in the receiver and can be interpreted several ways as what I thought was giving freedom to the other party was indifference. Physical abuse is tangible. An uppercut to the gut….is an uppercut to the gut. No matter how you arrange or word the semantics, getting your ass whooped on is getting your ass whooped on…unless you deserve it. There is ALWAYS a reason to kick anyone’s ass; you just never hit a woman. That’s one to grow on.
Okay….new rule. Hitting women is okay if they deserve it AND you have Mentos. Can’t kick no ass without fresh breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo…..and THAT is why I am single, ladies.
So to lay down the law….
If you cheat, you are a douche. If you stay with a cheater, you are a fucktard. If someone can’t understand the concept of “one person” then they should leave that person and THEN sex up other people. It’s not a difficult process, but human beings are lazy. And with that, it is bedtime. It’s back to the grindstone as tomorrow is Monday (Le boo!) so I will try to be back up next week sometime. Until then, stay up peeps. And listen to Jermaine Stewart:
This doesn’t count if you are a certain lady out there. You can take your clothes off. And drink that cherry wine….uh-huh. My innuendo is priceless.
IN-YOUR-ENDO!
Whooo….put the kids to bed because it’s sleepy time.
Chachi Out.
So we are about three weeks from the halfway point of 2008 and I must say that this years has gone by a LOT faster than 2006 and faster than 2007 as well, although the last five months of the year were a blur of carrying people upstairs, drunken smitteness (And sober smittenness. But whom?! The mystery continues!), four letters of resignation and of course THE LITTLE MERMAID. But this year has been fast and rather blasé. Aside from the Democratic election and the asshatery which is my former employer there hasn’t been much excitement this year. It hasn’t been BAD so far but it has been nowhere near GOOD by any means. Life is what you make of it and all that bullshit but still, you can only work with the tools you are given. Unless you steal them, which sounds like a good idea right about now.
So I want to talk about something. It is something that is part of why I am so jaded now and I have noticed that a lot of people I know are either broken fucktards or running around with someone that they CLAIM they forgive and yet are holding grudges for shit which I will get into later but that is the most childish shit I have ever heard of. So it is time for a little bit of lawgiving. So here is the first ever installment of…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Lays Down The Law!
This Weeks’ Crime: Infidelity!
Okay, I can say that aside from the Mormons, almost every true friend I have (You know who you are) has been cheated on by a significant other, yours truly included (Multiple times….same person….I’m a dumbass, I know) in some way, shape or form. Now first off let me say that if you are dating or are married to someone and you “cheat” by having sex with someone else then you are quite simply a piece of shit. I’m sorry you are and here is why:
1. Cowardice: Seriously, if you cannot tackle a problem head on which is causing this need for you to consider infidelity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first fucking place. I mean COME THE FUCK ON and grow up. If you can’t talk to the other person then you probably shouldn’t have been married or started dating in the first place.
2. Selfishness: Now when I say this I mean it in this way: if the other person did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? Odds are (This is a generalization but it rings VERY TRUE) that you would be hurt to no end. And yet…you have the audacity to do it to the other party. Congratulations, you are a selfish shit. If you are selfish in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one; get yourself a fucking hamster or something.
3. Illogical: Now I use this word because I don’t really believe in the word “immoral” because that would invoke religion and I think that now religion has no relevance in relationships because if you have more than one you are already being immoral so the point is moot. However, look at infidelity logically. What would one hope to accomplish with infidelity? One night of passion with a person that isn’t your other? Well, that is fine but is it a logical means to an end? One night (Or several) of sex is worth destroying a relationship? If so then odds are you shouldn’t have been with that person anyway. Even if the other person is a fit, break up with the current person first. It’s just common-fucking-sense.
So there are many more reasons someone would be a dipshit for cheating but there is another party and usually a just as guilty if not GUILTIER party and that is the person that is being cheated on. Now I said last night in jest that you never blame the victim but at the end of the day you have to figure out what made you the victim and how you can avoid being one again. We have all been there whether major or minor and your goal after being victimized should be how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. Now I for one have ran into this problem more times than I am comfortable saying (I am batting over .500 with bitches) but when you are the victim of a cheater you have to gauge the situation for yourself; fuck the other party. No matter how much they cry or apologize to you (Sigh, sweet situation narrative truth) you have to remember that why this happened could be your fault so you have to fix YOURSELF before you can accept an apology from the other party. Now here is what kills me the most: people that stay with the person that cheated on them and they do it again. Okay, it is time to get real here.
This is coming from someone who was laid off or outsourced from the same company THREE FUCKING TIMES. Aside from the first time (Which I was informed about prior to being let go but it still hurts when you are pretty much fresh out of college and it is your first real job) every time something like that happened I knew it was coming and I was okay with it because I tried to move out of said situation but roadblocks were in my way. That’s life, though. Now let’s bring this back. If you take back someone that cheated on you, at that point you are never….EVER allowed to be hurt or bitch if they do it to you again. You can never mention it in arguments and you can never say “Oh, I’m over it” when you know damn well you are not. Quit being a candyass and man the fuck up. If Kane can team with the Undertaker after being SET ON FIRE and win tag team championships then you can get over being cheated on. If you cannot, that is fine. Been there and I just had to say the nay no to getting back together. However, the one instance I DID stay I never brought it up again. Not during arguments, not when she was gone past when she said she would be and never when I was drunk (Ground zero! GROUND ZERO!).
That is something you have to accept: if you forgive the person you also have to forgive the act. Say what you will but one party cheats and you stay together, having that always in the back of one’s mind is not healthy. People make mistakes. Interceptions are thrown, line drives are misfielded, three point shooters are left open on botched rotations and occasionally, a defenseman scores on their own goalie. You have to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. You can’t bring that shit up next season when you feel like they aren’t hustling or they blow an assignment. On a team you have to rely heavily on trust and in a relationship if you don’t have trust then all you have is two people that may happen to like to have sex with each other every now and then. Guess what? You are no better than drunk cats.
At the end of the day, the reason I posted this is because I am through fucking around with people. I have had just about enough of everyone complaining about how they are hurt because of what people did to them. Or better yet, complain about being hurt or feeling mistreated WHILE STILL WITH THE PERSON. In some cases, the person that was cheated on is more at fault for how the situation is handled than the person that cheated. If someone hurts you and you don’t leave then you have no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that person shouldn’t have cheated to begin with but I (Now, anyway) feel about cheating the same way I feel about physical abuse (if it happens once….there really SHOULDN’T BE A SECOND TIME! Now a quick note. I know that the…two or three people that read this may ask why I never lump mental and emotional abuse with physical abuse. Well, mental and emotional abuse are different by person as I can attest to. “You don’t validate my need to dress like a whore and feel normal about it! YOU’RE NOT SUPPORTIVE!” Well, that isn’t what she SAID but that’s how it SOUNDED to me. Quite simply, you never know how people will take it because one person’s joke is another person’s route to feeling de-validated…which she also said I did when I told her that she didn’t need my permission to do things which to HER meant I didn’t care. Abuse of the head is in the receiver and can be interpreted several ways as what I thought was giving freedom to the other party was indifference. Physical abuse is tangible. An uppercut to the gut….is an uppercut to the gut. No matter how you arrange or word the semantics, getting your ass whooped on is getting your ass whooped on…unless you deserve it. There is ALWAYS a reason to kick anyone’s ass; you just never hit a woman. That’s one to grow on.
Okay….new rule. Hitting women is okay if they deserve it AND you have Mentos. Can’t kick no ass without fresh breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo…..and THAT is why I am single, ladies.
So to lay down the law….
If you cheat, you are a douche. If you stay with a cheater, you are a fucktard. If someone can’t understand the concept of “one person” then they should leave that person and THEN sex up other people. It’s not a difficult process, but human beings are lazy. And with that, it is bedtime. It’s back to the grindstone as tomorrow is Monday (Le boo!) so I will try to be back up next week sometime. Until then, stay up peeps. And listen to Jermaine Stewart:
This doesn’t count if you are a certain lady out there. You can take your clothes off. And drink that cherry wine….uh-huh. My innuendo is priceless.
IN-YOUR-ENDO!
Whooo….put the kids to bed because it’s sleepy time.
Chachi Out.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Playin' With The Boys! Not...In A Gay Way...
What is up?! Damn….this week was hella short for some reason. Eh, either way it is Friday so you know what that means! It’s time for the…
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!
We begin the Countdown this week with a new entry from a current R&B star that came close to being banned from this thing!
20. Chris Brown - Forever (New Entry)
Chris Breezy makes his first appearance on the Countdown! This is kind of a shock considering how much I DID NOT LIKE “Wall To Wall” (It almost won the Chachi for worst video of 2007). However, this song has been on rotation on the deck in the car and the video is on the Zune and running the battery down. Not the normal R&B fare, which is kind of why I like it.
19. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #17)
Looks like after a pretty lengthy stay in the bottom half, The Boyz are on their way out of the Countdown. NERD’s remix for “Everybody Nose” with CRS and Pusha T is fucking TITS! Too bad my copy is kind of shitty.
18. Aqua Timez - Niji (New Entry)
The Timez is back! It has been over eight months since they were on here but Aqua Timez is back with a brand new video! Not really NEW but it took a while to grow on me. Not as rocking as “ALONES” but as we all know…few things are.
17. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #14)
Looks like The Roots are still falling with this one. Been a big year for these guys, I hope a Grammy nod comes from this one.
16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #13)
Another big first half artist is now falling as summer begins. Miss Badu got close to the top but couldn’t take the crown. Not much from her since, though.
15. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)
Paramore is once again rocketing up the Countdown, moving up four spots this week! Could they be the new Evanesence of the chart? Amy Lee and company came close twice in 2006 to the top spot and being the first rock band to take the throne but Paramore may just beat them to it!
14. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #15)
The Roots second video on the Countdown moves up one modest spot this week.
13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #11)
Yui’s rough summer continues as both of her videos are tumbling down. This video marked her third straight video to peak at number two before failing to take over the number one spot. In her defense, most artists never make it that high but her standards have been set higher than most.
12. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
YA-KYIM moves up another BIG four spots this week as they try to crack the Top 10! Can I just say that this video almost melted my Zune? It’s true! They’s damn fine!
11. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #9, Seven Weeks at #1)
After ruling the Countdown, Bennie K is outside of the Top 10 for the first time since they debuted. This is arguably the biggest video of 2008 and it isn’t even summer yet! It had beed a while since I had seen my baby boo, too. I love you, Yuki!
10. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #12)
We have made the Top 10 and we begin with one of the biggest shockers so far! Colbie has really grown on me….or at least THIS video has. I am a fan of this song and the video is pretty much “Bubbly Part Deux” but it isn’t bad. And it has the creepy, Clay Aiken’s “Invisible” vibe I like. I’M CRAZY!
9. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #7)
The second of Yui’s videos to fail to take the top spot. Dare I say, her latest album is fucking bad ass. If you like J-Pop, pick it up. If you don’t….what the hell are you even fucking doing here?!
8. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #10)
My baby boo!! Alicia moves up a modest two spots this week as she seeks her third straight number one video. Can I just say….this girl is damn fine? Have you seen her in those pictures when she is in those grey sweatpants? Hell yeah! Made a supersonic man out of me!
7. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #8)
Kelun moves up one spot this week as I wait impatiently for their fucking album. GIVE ME “CHU-BURA” OR THE PUPPY GETS IT! I SWEAR I WILL DO IT!
6. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)
The ladies of Foxxi MisQ fall out of the Top Five this week as they continue their spiral. I don’t care. I still love me some Dem. She is tres hawt.
5. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
Lupe camps out at number five for the second straight week as he cracks the Top 5 for the second time this year. With another video out and HOPEFULLY one out for the “Everybody Nose” remix soon it could be a big year for Lupe.
4. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #7)
Moving up three big spots this week are the J-Urban legends! Toshinobu Kobuta is one step away from the Top Three as is Misia (Damn fine, by the way). Zach and I tried to do “La La La Love Song” at karaoke but…my Japanese is horrible. I’m working on it, though! The Top Three hasn’t changed, but has the order?
3. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #2)
After making it to the runner up position, Hyde and the boys take a step back this week. Is this just a temporary setback? Or is this the end of their return to the Countdown? Let’s hope it’s the previous because they are close to taking the throne!
2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #3)
Kanye is back in a familiar position: near the top. Not only is this his fourth video on the Countdown of 2008, this is his fourth Top Three video over the last 10 months! Now that is a very big run for him, maybe getting him the ever elusive Chachi for Artist of the Year? We will have to see…..
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
…..Because the artist with the number one video is vying for that title as well! Urr-sherr holds on to the crown of number one video for a third straight week! Yeah, I prefer the T.I. remix but odds are THAT won’t be coming out with Clifford Harris being in jail and all. Even still, this video is hot. Congrats on three weeks at the top!
That is all for this week! Tune in seven days from now to see if Usher and Jeezy can make it a full month at number one! Or will Kanye come home to the throne of the Countdown? Or can L’Arc~en~Ciel bounce back and take the crown from the Prince of R&B? See you in a week!
Well, I am considering going to see “Prince Caspian” tonight but I am totally in the mood for sushi and sake so I may just do that instead. Either way….SLUMBER PARTAAAAAAAAAY!
Chachi Out.
Passion of Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!
We begin the Countdown this week with a new entry from a current R&B star that came close to being banned from this thing!
20. Chris Brown - Forever (New Entry)
Chris Breezy makes his first appearance on the Countdown! This is kind of a shock considering how much I DID NOT LIKE “Wall To Wall” (It almost won the Chachi for worst video of 2007). However, this song has been on rotation on the deck in the car and the video is on the Zune and running the battery down. Not the normal R&B fare, which is kind of why I like it.
19. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #17)
Looks like after a pretty lengthy stay in the bottom half, The Boyz are on their way out of the Countdown. NERD’s remix for “Everybody Nose” with CRS and Pusha T is fucking TITS! Too bad my copy is kind of shitty.
18. Aqua Timez - Niji (New Entry)
The Timez is back! It has been over eight months since they were on here but Aqua Timez is back with a brand new video! Not really NEW but it took a while to grow on me. Not as rocking as “ALONES” but as we all know…few things are.
17. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #14)
Looks like The Roots are still falling with this one. Been a big year for these guys, I hope a Grammy nod comes from this one.
16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #13)
Another big first half artist is now falling as summer begins. Miss Badu got close to the top but couldn’t take the crown. Not much from her since, though.
15. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)
Paramore is once again rocketing up the Countdown, moving up four spots this week! Could they be the new Evanesence of the chart? Amy Lee and company came close twice in 2006 to the top spot and being the first rock band to take the throne but Paramore may just beat them to it!
14. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #15)
The Roots second video on the Countdown moves up one modest spot this week.
13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #11)
Yui’s rough summer continues as both of her videos are tumbling down. This video marked her third straight video to peak at number two before failing to take over the number one spot. In her defense, most artists never make it that high but her standards have been set higher than most.
12. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
YA-KYIM moves up another BIG four spots this week as they try to crack the Top 10! Can I just say that this video almost melted my Zune? It’s true! They’s damn fine!
11. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #9, Seven Weeks at #1)
After ruling the Countdown, Bennie K is outside of the Top 10 for the first time since they debuted. This is arguably the biggest video of 2008 and it isn’t even summer yet! It had beed a while since I had seen my baby boo, too. I love you, Yuki!
10. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #12)
We have made the Top 10 and we begin with one of the biggest shockers so far! Colbie has really grown on me….or at least THIS video has. I am a fan of this song and the video is pretty much “Bubbly Part Deux” but it isn’t bad. And it has the creepy, Clay Aiken’s “Invisible” vibe I like. I’M CRAZY!
9. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #7)
The second of Yui’s videos to fail to take the top spot. Dare I say, her latest album is fucking bad ass. If you like J-Pop, pick it up. If you don’t….what the hell are you even fucking doing here?!
8. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #10)
My baby boo!! Alicia moves up a modest two spots this week as she seeks her third straight number one video. Can I just say….this girl is damn fine? Have you seen her in those pictures when she is in those grey sweatpants? Hell yeah! Made a supersonic man out of me!
7. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #8)
Kelun moves up one spot this week as I wait impatiently for their fucking album. GIVE ME “CHU-BURA” OR THE PUPPY GETS IT! I SWEAR I WILL DO IT!
6. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)
The ladies of Foxxi MisQ fall out of the Top Five this week as they continue their spiral. I don’t care. I still love me some Dem. She is tres hawt.
5. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
Lupe camps out at number five for the second straight week as he cracks the Top 5 for the second time this year. With another video out and HOPEFULLY one out for the “Everybody Nose” remix soon it could be a big year for Lupe.
4. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #7)
Moving up three big spots this week are the J-Urban legends! Toshinobu Kobuta is one step away from the Top Three as is Misia (Damn fine, by the way). Zach and I tried to do “La La La Love Song” at karaoke but…my Japanese is horrible. I’m working on it, though! The Top Three hasn’t changed, but has the order?
3. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #2)
After making it to the runner up position, Hyde and the boys take a step back this week. Is this just a temporary setback? Or is this the end of their return to the Countdown? Let’s hope it’s the previous because they are close to taking the throne!
2. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #3)
Kanye is back in a familiar position: near the top. Not only is this his fourth video on the Countdown of 2008, this is his fourth Top Three video over the last 10 months! Now that is a very big run for him, maybe getting him the ever elusive Chachi for Artist of the Year? We will have to see…..
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
…..Because the artist with the number one video is vying for that title as well! Urr-sherr holds on to the crown of number one video for a third straight week! Yeah, I prefer the T.I. remix but odds are THAT won’t be coming out with Clifford Harris being in jail and all. Even still, this video is hot. Congrats on three weeks at the top!
That is all for this week! Tune in seven days from now to see if Usher and Jeezy can make it a full month at number one! Or will Kanye come home to the throne of the Countdown? Or can L’Arc~en~Ciel bounce back and take the crown from the Prince of R&B? See you in a week!
Well, I am considering going to see “Prince Caspian” tonight but I am totally in the mood for sushi and sake so I may just do that instead. Either way….SLUMBER PARTAAAAAAAAAY!
Chachi Out.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Chachi News: News For Those That Thinks Everyone Licks Emu Taint.
Hey, everybody! I am back for a little something new today. So I spend a lot of time reading and watching the news because quite simply….the real world is more exciting than TV. We have crazy villains (Kim Jong Il), valiant heroes (Kobe Bryant. Hey, having butt sex with a white girl and getting away with it is something that I dream about everyday) and even high drama like will gas hit $4? Will Hillary steal the election? IS BEYONCE PREGNANT?! These are things we must know! Now that Scrubs is gone and Venture Brothers hasn’t premiered yet, I find entertainment in CNN, MSNBC and…ugh…Fox News. But I digress. There are some huge news stories that have been covered this week such as the earthquake in China (You think I am going to say something offensive, don’t you? Not now, Chairman Mao. It is a tragedy) and the destruction in Burma (I calls it what I want) but I want to focus on a few stories this week that I feel will end up shaping OUR nation for the next few years either directly or in a roundabout way. So I give you for the first time ever….
Passion of Chachi’s Superstar Funky Fresh News Minute!!!
I need a flashy graphic and a kickass theme song. Anyway, let’s get started because America needs its news in short doses because we are too dumb to focus! Oooohhhh, shiny red ball!
NEWS FLASH: In West Virginia: Where Intelligence Dare Not Enter. It Went To Virginia.
So on Tuesday, West Virginia voted in mass for Hillary Clinton in their state’s primary which was expected. What was also expected was the idiocy of the “working class, blue collar white people” that Obama cannot “carry” because he is Black. Well, first off we need to be real with ourselves here:
Working class, blue collar whites = FUCKING HILLBILLIES AND REDNECKS.
I have driven through West Virginia. I will say from experience it isn’t a very Black friendly state. Randy Moss got the fuck out of there for a reason. Because he was dating a White chick, but that is only icing on the racist cake. Just call it how it is. Detroit is full of poor ass Black folk and West Virginia is full of the same ilk just White. And they have sex with family more often than the citizens of Detroit but that is a given. You know and can trust family because they know what you likes. Too far? The fact that Democrats are courting the bigot vote is a bad sign. I understand not voting for Barack Obama because:
• He’s inexperienced. You know, I have always felt that just because you have military service doesn’t make you prepared to lead a country BECAUSE YOU HAVE MILITARY LEADERS TO DO THE FUCKING WORK FOR YOU but at the same time he doesn’t have much experience running his own state.
• His vision of the country is kind of…well…is unattainable. What he says is great about change and a new direction for the country….but it was like in the NFL when everyone tried to use the Run and Shoot offense. Didn’t work very well, unless you count the St. Louis Rams and I don’t.
• He believes in Universal Health Care. I personally say fuck everyone so there.
Those are all VALID reasons. However, a NOT valid reason is not voting for him solely because…
HE’S A DARKIE BOY (GASP, DID I SAY THAT?!)
Yes, I said it. It is an ugly word and what I love is how people will say every word to describe him but that word about not voting for him. I mean have some fucking balls, you pricks. I will say it loud and proud I am not voting for Hillary. But not because she is a woman but because she is a selfish, lying sack of shit that is willing to destroy a party and a country for her own gain. Obama has never once said that he gets the uneducated (And educated...yeah all 17,000 of us) Black and the egghead yuppie hipster vote. That is an important vote because they help support the lower class with how much we pay in taxes and support assistance programs…not of our own choice mind you. When Obama dominated North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Virginia (The REAL Virginia) and Washington DC no one in his camp from my recollection stated that only he could win the poor Black vote. When Obama won Iowa, New Hampshire, Washington and Colorado no one said he could get the upper-class White and annoying ass hippie vote (I am looking at YOU, Boulder). That wasn’t a talking point for him to continue the race when Hillary was the presumptive nominee. So now why is it okay for Hillary to say that she can court the lower class White vote? And of course the female vote but as we all know women aren’t people and the fact that they vote and a horse cannot is a slap in the face to the leaders in old country.
This week West Virginia proved that it’s okay to be a racist if you are ignorant. The same thing that South Carolina proved but as Bill Clinton said, even Jesse Jackson won South Carolina. But Bill Clinton is one PBR away from calling Colin Powell a spear-chucker. Oh, you know I’m right. I say nigger quite often and I can tell you as a connoisseur of the word, Bill Clinton looks like a man that says nigger a LOT. He looks to be quite fond of the word….and big ole booties so you know he’s down for Black chicks. Even more so than Thomas Jefferson. Hmm….Thomas JEFFERSON. William JEFFERSON Clinton. I knew it! That is why Bill is so angry! That is why he was all about Hillary courting the poor Whitey vote! He is in self-denial!
BILL CLINTON WANTS SOME OF THAT BROWN SUGAR!!!
Thomas Jefferson knew it. Mick Jagger knew it. Robert De Niro knows it. Brown sugar tastes so good! Not for me, we don’t get along.
NEWS FLASH: Video Games Don’t Kill People.
Let’s celebrate by stealing a car and running down pedestrians! I kid, I kid. Seriously, this study was just released by a Harvard Med Scholar (So you KNOW it’s true) that states there is no direct correlation between playing violent video games and being a fucktard. There are fucktards that listen to Christian Rock but I don’t see anyone banning that shit. And if anything deserves to be burned, it is Christian Fucking Rock. Jesus cant rock, his hands have holes in them; he can’t hold a Goddamn guitar! Tambourine….maybe. Anyway, I am sick and tired of everyone getting a bug in their ass about video game violence like its 1993. Now back then there wasn’t a rating system and there wasn’t really a clear line between what was adult and not for kids to play due to the popularity of arcades. But when consoles became king and parents had to BUY the consoles and BUY the games for their kids…it became a PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY. Movies have gotten more violent, music has gotten sexier (And shittier but that is a different news flash) and TV has gotten….well….Tila Tequila. Nuff’ said. The fact that people are STILL whining about video games shows that parenting has gotten worse. Remember when you could beat your kids with a sack of oranges for being stupid? Well, sadly those days are over and now we act like kids aren’t able to know they ARE ENGAGING IN ASSHATERY so they have to be coddled. Fuck that shit; the only coddling kids need are a fucking gogoplata:
Catch your kid playing GTA IV and you don’t want them to? Snatch that indignant bastard in THAT and see if they do that shit again. If they do, you weren’t doing it right.
Video games don’t kill people, asshats kill people. And if Harvard said it, it must be true.
Well, that is all for the news. This is the Chachi signing off. If you want to get news you can count on, you know where you can go…to someone else.
Chachi Out.
Passion of Chachi’s Superstar Funky Fresh News Minute!!!
I need a flashy graphic and a kickass theme song. Anyway, let’s get started because America needs its news in short doses because we are too dumb to focus! Oooohhhh, shiny red ball!
NEWS FLASH: In West Virginia: Where Intelligence Dare Not Enter. It Went To Virginia.
So on Tuesday, West Virginia voted in mass for Hillary Clinton in their state’s primary which was expected. What was also expected was the idiocy of the “working class, blue collar white people” that Obama cannot “carry” because he is Black. Well, first off we need to be real with ourselves here:
Working class, blue collar whites = FUCKING HILLBILLIES AND REDNECKS.
I have driven through West Virginia. I will say from experience it isn’t a very Black friendly state. Randy Moss got the fuck out of there for a reason. Because he was dating a White chick, but that is only icing on the racist cake. Just call it how it is. Detroit is full of poor ass Black folk and West Virginia is full of the same ilk just White. And they have sex with family more often than the citizens of Detroit but that is a given. You know and can trust family because they know what you likes. Too far? The fact that Democrats are courting the bigot vote is a bad sign. I understand not voting for Barack Obama because:
• He’s inexperienced. You know, I have always felt that just because you have military service doesn’t make you prepared to lead a country BECAUSE YOU HAVE MILITARY LEADERS TO DO THE FUCKING WORK FOR YOU but at the same time he doesn’t have much experience running his own state.
• His vision of the country is kind of…well…is unattainable. What he says is great about change and a new direction for the country….but it was like in the NFL when everyone tried to use the Run and Shoot offense. Didn’t work very well, unless you count the St. Louis Rams and I don’t.
• He believes in Universal Health Care. I personally say fuck everyone so there.
Those are all VALID reasons. However, a NOT valid reason is not voting for him solely because…
HE’S A DARKIE BOY (GASP, DID I SAY THAT?!)
Yes, I said it. It is an ugly word and what I love is how people will say every word to describe him but that word about not voting for him. I mean have some fucking balls, you pricks. I will say it loud and proud I am not voting for Hillary. But not because she is a woman but because she is a selfish, lying sack of shit that is willing to destroy a party and a country for her own gain. Obama has never once said that he gets the uneducated (And educated...yeah all 17,000 of us) Black and the egghead yuppie hipster vote. That is an important vote because they help support the lower class with how much we pay in taxes and support assistance programs…not of our own choice mind you. When Obama dominated North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Virginia (The REAL Virginia) and Washington DC no one in his camp from my recollection stated that only he could win the poor Black vote. When Obama won Iowa, New Hampshire, Washington and Colorado no one said he could get the upper-class White and annoying ass hippie vote (I am looking at YOU, Boulder). That wasn’t a talking point for him to continue the race when Hillary was the presumptive nominee. So now why is it okay for Hillary to say that she can court the lower class White vote? And of course the female vote but as we all know women aren’t people and the fact that they vote and a horse cannot is a slap in the face to the leaders in old country.
This week West Virginia proved that it’s okay to be a racist if you are ignorant. The same thing that South Carolina proved but as Bill Clinton said, even Jesse Jackson won South Carolina. But Bill Clinton is one PBR away from calling Colin Powell a spear-chucker. Oh, you know I’m right. I say nigger quite often and I can tell you as a connoisseur of the word, Bill Clinton looks like a man that says nigger a LOT. He looks to be quite fond of the word….and big ole booties so you know he’s down for Black chicks. Even more so than Thomas Jefferson. Hmm….Thomas JEFFERSON. William JEFFERSON Clinton. I knew it! That is why Bill is so angry! That is why he was all about Hillary courting the poor Whitey vote! He is in self-denial!
BILL CLINTON WANTS SOME OF THAT BROWN SUGAR!!!
Thomas Jefferson knew it. Mick Jagger knew it. Robert De Niro knows it. Brown sugar tastes so good! Not for me, we don’t get along.
NEWS FLASH: Video Games Don’t Kill People.
Let’s celebrate by stealing a car and running down pedestrians! I kid, I kid. Seriously, this study was just released by a Harvard Med Scholar (So you KNOW it’s true) that states there is no direct correlation between playing violent video games and being a fucktard. There are fucktards that listen to Christian Rock but I don’t see anyone banning that shit. And if anything deserves to be burned, it is Christian Fucking Rock. Jesus cant rock, his hands have holes in them; he can’t hold a Goddamn guitar! Tambourine….maybe. Anyway, I am sick and tired of everyone getting a bug in their ass about video game violence like its 1993. Now back then there wasn’t a rating system and there wasn’t really a clear line between what was adult and not for kids to play due to the popularity of arcades. But when consoles became king and parents had to BUY the consoles and BUY the games for their kids…it became a PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY. Movies have gotten more violent, music has gotten sexier (And shittier but that is a different news flash) and TV has gotten….well….Tila Tequila. Nuff’ said. The fact that people are STILL whining about video games shows that parenting has gotten worse. Remember when you could beat your kids with a sack of oranges for being stupid? Well, sadly those days are over and now we act like kids aren’t able to know they ARE ENGAGING IN ASSHATERY so they have to be coddled. Fuck that shit; the only coddling kids need are a fucking gogoplata:
Catch your kid playing GTA IV and you don’t want them to? Snatch that indignant bastard in THAT and see if they do that shit again. If they do, you weren’t doing it right.
Video games don’t kill people, asshats kill people. And if Harvard said it, it must be true.
Well, that is all for the news. This is the Chachi signing off. If you want to get news you can count on, you know where you can go…to someone else.
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Worst.....Blog.....Ever....
So when you drink soju, Hyori Lee DOESN'T come out and dance for you:
I would have cried shenanighans but soju is fucking awesome. IT GETS YOU DRUNK! YOU MIGHT FIGHT A NIGGA OR TWO!
MMM-MMM, BITCH! On a sad note, even Korean karaoke spots dont have Bi songs to sing, seeing as its the only Korean song I know sans Bulldog Mansion "Happy Birthday To Me":
But life aint all snapdragons and lollipops. I wish it was though. I am tired as fuck and need to be to work in like....five hours so I am out of this bitch. But first....
This video is dedicated to a certain someone out there....
You know who you are. If you think this is for you, odds are it isn't. BURN!!!
Shit, I am out. Be back on Friday.
Chachi Out.
I would have cried shenanighans but soju is fucking awesome. IT GETS YOU DRUNK! YOU MIGHT FIGHT A NIGGA OR TWO!
MMM-MMM, BITCH! On a sad note, even Korean karaoke spots dont have Bi songs to sing, seeing as its the only Korean song I know sans Bulldog Mansion "Happy Birthday To Me":
But life aint all snapdragons and lollipops. I wish it was though. I am tired as fuck and need to be to work in like....five hours so I am out of this bitch. But first....
This video is dedicated to a certain someone out there....
You know who you are. If you think this is for you, odds are it isn't. BURN!!!
Shit, I am out. Be back on Friday.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I Want To Be The Very Best!
So I am back once again. I am real under-promising and over-delivering but sometimes I just get in the mood to post. First off, can I just say that when you are walking down the street and you walk through a CLOUD that you are too fucking high up? That was just a really…surreal moment I had when that happened. I was defying gravity! Kind of. Okay, not at all.
It’s time for some random musings….
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: Frank Calindo IS NOT FUNNY.
Okay, I know that white men around the world love this worthless fucker because he does a good John Madden impersonation. Well, first off he doesn’t. There is only ONE good John Madden impersonation:
Oddly enough, it was the only funny bit on MadTV EVER. Frank Calindo joins the long line of comedians/actors/fucktards like Dane Cook, Nick Cannon and Andy Milanakis that for some reason people think are funny for just being stupid. Now it is one thing to be irreverent (ATHF, Half Baked, Pootie Tang) but it is another to just be plain unfunny. And since we live in a country where West Virginians are actually are allowed to take time out of their busy schedules of being fellated by their cousins (Or if you are REAL West Virginians…your sister) to VOTE shows that we aren’t the brightest country out there. Seeing as how we as have to actually count the views of the lowest common denominator there is no doubt that some fucktard somewhere would find this dumb fuck talking about a “turducken” funny. I mean I am a fat fuck but even I don’t want any parts of the turducken. And I am the guy that worked with The Hoag to make grilled cheese corndog sandwiches.
Chachi’s Random Thought #2: Ash Was The Worst Pokemon Trainer….EVER.
You know, Ash wanted to train Pokemon. He wanted to be the best. Like no one ever was. That was his real test, and to train them was his cause. And yet….how many fucking Pokemon did he have? Six? THERE ARE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY OR MORE TO SEE! Not only did he only have six Pokemon, those things were little fuckers. Didn’t Charmander evolve and set him on fire like ten times? Didn’t his Squirtle give him a little “squirtle” in his shoes a few times? Don’t even get me started on that arrogant fuck Pikachu. Not only did that little yellow bastard not evolve into a Raichu, he was a total fuckstick about it. The little bastard wanted to stay a Pikachu forever, which pretty much makes him a molester like Michael Jackson when he hits his 40’s. He will have little Pikachu’s at his house drinking “Pika Punch” and sleeping in his Pokeball he makes them jangle HIS pokeballs. Now Zach brought up to me that it isn’t Ash’s fault because Pokemon keep repopulating and creating new species like…every season or so. Well, maybe it is time for some population control. The Indians did it with the buffalo and the White man did it with the Indians. Now the only time we see them are as mascots or in wrestling. Where they belong because I want muscles like Chief Wahoo McDaniel. His dumb ass couldn’t even catch a Psyduck:
There are four Psyduck’s just chilling at Target right now trying to figure out the difference between Hydrox and Oreos! You can catch one right now! Ash sucks. Worst Pokemon trainer since Mike Vick. Damn shame what those bulldogs did to that Ninetails. Should have stayed in the fucking ball!
Well, I am all out of thoughts for now. I am having the motions of the brain moving in ways that an idea is formed. Yes…..it will be awesome. Until I return, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out!
It’s time for some random musings….
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: Frank Calindo IS NOT FUNNY.
Okay, I know that white men around the world love this worthless fucker because he does a good John Madden impersonation. Well, first off he doesn’t. There is only ONE good John Madden impersonation:
Oddly enough, it was the only funny bit on MadTV EVER. Frank Calindo joins the long line of comedians/actors/fucktards like Dane Cook, Nick Cannon and Andy Milanakis that for some reason people think are funny for just being stupid. Now it is one thing to be irreverent (ATHF, Half Baked, Pootie Tang) but it is another to just be plain unfunny. And since we live in a country where West Virginians are actually are allowed to take time out of their busy schedules of being fellated by their cousins (Or if you are REAL West Virginians…your sister) to VOTE shows that we aren’t the brightest country out there. Seeing as how we as have to actually count the views of the lowest common denominator there is no doubt that some fucktard somewhere would find this dumb fuck talking about a “turducken” funny. I mean I am a fat fuck but even I don’t want any parts of the turducken. And I am the guy that worked with The Hoag to make grilled cheese corndog sandwiches.
Chachi’s Random Thought #2: Ash Was The Worst Pokemon Trainer….EVER.
You know, Ash wanted to train Pokemon. He wanted to be the best. Like no one ever was. That was his real test, and to train them was his cause. And yet….how many fucking Pokemon did he have? Six? THERE ARE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY OR MORE TO SEE! Not only did he only have six Pokemon, those things were little fuckers. Didn’t Charmander evolve and set him on fire like ten times? Didn’t his Squirtle give him a little “squirtle” in his shoes a few times? Don’t even get me started on that arrogant fuck Pikachu. Not only did that little yellow bastard not evolve into a Raichu, he was a total fuckstick about it. The little bastard wanted to stay a Pikachu forever, which pretty much makes him a molester like Michael Jackson when he hits his 40’s. He will have little Pikachu’s at his house drinking “Pika Punch” and sleeping in his Pokeball he makes them jangle HIS pokeballs. Now Zach brought up to me that it isn’t Ash’s fault because Pokemon keep repopulating and creating new species like…every season or so. Well, maybe it is time for some population control. The Indians did it with the buffalo and the White man did it with the Indians. Now the only time we see them are as mascots or in wrestling. Where they belong because I want muscles like Chief Wahoo McDaniel. His dumb ass couldn’t even catch a Psyduck:
There are four Psyduck’s just chilling at Target right now trying to figure out the difference between Hydrox and Oreos! You can catch one right now! Ash sucks. Worst Pokemon trainer since Mike Vick. Damn shame what those bulldogs did to that Ninetails. Should have stayed in the fucking ball!
Well, I am all out of thoughts for now. I am having the motions of the brain moving in ways that an idea is formed. Yes…..it will be awesome. Until I return, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Don't Be A Dummy, Be A Smarty! Join The Porn Party!
What is up, people?! It is Monday and I am back on the scene and all I have to say is that damn it…I need a new bed. My back is fucking killing me every morning and sleeping is now something I avoid unless I sleep on the couch. Still trying to find one that isn’t massive for when I hit the road because I really don’t want to move shit. Streamline my items and whatnot.
Well, it has been a while since I just kicked back and talked about me a little bit, rather than rant and rave like I usually do. Mostly that is because my life rarely has any interesting points to it (SIKE, NIGGA! My life is in a constant state of layoffs and flux!) and those points that ARE interesting either include a woman screwing me over or someone (Usually a woman, nigga or bro) pissing me off to no end. However, I must sit back and look at something that makes me happy. So, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME it is time to bring back a quick installment of…
WHAT CHACHI LIKES!
Chachi Likes…..Porn.
Now as many of you know, I do partake in the viewing of the carnal arts every now and again. Like right “now” and then “again” when I recharge. HI-YO! Yet, whenever I mention the fact I watch porn to anyone that isn’t one of my five main friends (You know who you are and who you AREN’T) they get all high and mighty like I am the bad one. First off, despite what people say all the time about porn being unhealthy…is it any unhealthier than anything else? Honestly, every friend I have minus two is either single and watching porn (In some cases….right now), divorced or mentally broken to the point that they have to constantly make mistakes to learn anything even though they know that what they are doing is troublesome to them mentally, physically and of course “emotionally” which is a fucking crock but women seem to think that emotional logic exists…..albeit the biggest oxymoron since “sober Irishman.” I think the real issue with porn is the negative connotation given to watching and performing in it. Which is funny because everyone is having more sex than me…which is none:
Now the fact that I watch porn shocks more people than my views on pretty much everything which is both shocking and yet interesting because I have some pretty fucked up views according to a lot of my friends, mainly of the female persuasion. Which is funny, because not only do females feel the need to always talk about their sex, I am sure that the majority of you have either:
· A tape of you fucking someone which is BEYOND ME because odds are you are not being paid for it and it wasn’t worth the humiliation of fucking a dude who works at the Carmike 10 or Olive Garden on a distributable medium.
· A really torrid sexual tale involving either another female and a male…or another male and a male. By the way, this is the ultimate in hypocrisy because Jasmine Byrne may take it in all holes on film but she gets paid for it. And almost makes it tolerable to watch to boot.
· Have a list of men you have had sex with about as long as the list of men that have been in Menudo. Hell, some of the women I know may have fucked a member of Menudo, and not one of the cool ones we remember like Ricky Martin or Cheech Marin.
· Left you panties at a man’s house. I find that funny because pornstars usually don’t WEAR panties as that leaves evidence of whoredom. Wow, porn stars are GENIUSES!
And yet not only do they find the fact that men watch porn disgusting they have the FUCKING GALL to call the performers in the movies whores. Well, first off that is just jealousy right there. The fact is that you are hating because no one wants to pay to see you have sex on film when they can buy you a few drinks and lie to you for a few hours in your time of dick need and do it for usually a lot less. Porn is expensive nowadays, it’s why I use the P2P. Sorry, but I am on a porn budget here.
Now I always hear from my female friends that porn stars are exploited in these movies and that is wrong. Well, the flawed logic in that is that women believe that exploitation is only definable in their minds so that is bullshit. Think about it, if you have casual sex because you WANT to you are being empowered and vindicated. However, if at any point that man is using YOU solely for sex then you are being exploited. Not now, Chairman Mao because that isn’t how it works. The fact is that porn is a job, just like anything else. No one complains about how athletes are exploited for their athletic prowess and decides to boycott sport. They are paid handsomely to do something most people do for free anyway, right so they shouldn’t complain and you shouldn’t feel sorry for them right? It is the exact same for porn stars. Therefore ladies, your argument about exploitation is bullshit, you are just mad because you didn’t do it first and you get a lot less taxable income when YOU do it. Don’t worry, it is a normal feeling. It is called “hatin.” I used to hate on Diddy until I realized he was ballin:
Now I strive to be as ballin as he is Cambodian breast milk and all.
Okay, for the dudes that say “Oh, I don’t watch porn” all I have to say is…
YOU LYING SACK OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
You aint got to lie to kick it, assclown. Watching porn is actually a natural progression of sexual curiosity, male or female. What bugs me about this is that dudes only say they DON’T watch porn when women are around. Now seriously, ladies. I will say a good chunk of men (An 80% clip minus me because I could care less about what you think about me. It’s how I am, hate it or love it) lie to you at all points and junctures to get at your glory muffin. So do you HONESTLY believe that shit? Where do you think they got the idea for anal from, boy scouts? No, they got it from their priest and now they want payback on SOMEONE! Or they got it from porn. Unless you are Mormon or just have had no access to the internet, DVD, VHS or Beta in the last FORTY FUCKING YEARS if you are a male you have seen porn. And even though you may not enjoy it (There is some porn that just makes me say the “nay no” but more on that later) you have seen it so stop lying. Just like everyone else, you learned about the money shot from Peter North so quit faking the funk….or the spunk. Ow, my eye!
Lastly, I have to touch on these people that say that porn is deviant and leads to watching “deviant porn” and even rape/sexual violence. Well, first off this whole concept of porn is between to consenting adults. Let me repeat for you religious fucktards and dumb ass bitches:
TWO….CONSENTING…..ADULTS!!!
Or three….or four. Or the starting line-up of the 1987 Washington Redskins but the point is this. If it is anything else aside from consenting adults it is usually a crime:
· Sex with a male or female minor? CRIME. Nambla and Catholics, I am looking at you. Japan, you’re cool.
· Sex with an animal? CRIME. Although….collies are kind of hot. I KID, GAWD! Take a joke!
· Sex with people in animal costumes? SHOULD BE A CRIME! Fucking furries piss me off. Nasty mother fuckers. An eight-way ass-to-mouth is fine between consenting adults but you people are wrong and you FUCKING KNOW IT!
Bottom line is that if you watch bukkake and say “man, this isn’t fucked up enough for me” then you need to be shot. In the face….or better yet, you need to be in a bukkake and find out how fucked up it is from the other end. That will keep you from moving to the hardcore stuff. Like watching “Requiem For A Dream” if you want to use heroin. If people watch porn and look for a more exteme fix there are fetish sites that while may seem “deviant” to you are good and legal so piss-off. I personally this BDSM is fucking stupid but I know people that are down for it and if you are that is your thing then by all means do it within the eyes of the law and get your rocks soft:
Just please keep the whips and chains away from me. I don’t like hip hop. ZING!
As for the rape defense, you already know how I feel about that. If you don’t then first of WHERE IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, UNDER A ROCK?! How can you consider yourself a reader and even worse how can you consider yourself my friend….I am crushed. Anyway, I will preface this by saying that I have never been raped (Although like Carl, I thought it was funny until I saw Handbanana) and I don’t act like I know what it feels like or comprehend the mental ramifications it has on the victim, female or male. But at its core, I believe (Again...I believe) rape is a crime of violence, not necessarily a crime of sex (I have always looked at rape like a robbery or an assault, not as a sexual crime. It should be treated as such much like how I feel about hate crime but again, it us just my opinion). It is about overpowering the victim’s choice of saying no by force and the act itself is a sexual act. It is much like the debate of video game violence: everyone responds to stimuli differently. If a woman says no, I understand that no means no and I stop. (Can I just say that sentiment isn’t returned by women? It has happened to me three times now and I am no Robert Downey Jr. but I have the right to say know if I feel uncomfortable and yet when I do she flips the fuck out because I am not "allowed to" say no. Just an observation) but someone else may just have to take the pussy like PePe Le Pew because he needs it. Just like with video games one person may play GTA IV for five hours and then go out and have a nice calm sushi and sake dinner with the Hoag and Michelle. Another person might play for ten minutes and decide it is okay to beat the fuck out of a hooker with a baseball bat and steal a tank. You never know. Therefore, to say that porn is a stimulus for sexual violence or rape in men is the same as saying that eating bad taco meat is a stimulus for rape as well. It COULD happen with anything, to say it is MORE LIKELY is purely spectulation because depending on your focus group you could get people like myself and my friends that have watched porn and turned away more sex than gotten (God…I am so fucking sad) or someone that like Jermaine Dupri if he buys you a drink and you drink it up…your going home with him. And you is his girlfriend:
Love that song.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with porn but I will admit there is something wrong with some of the people that watch it and make it (Max Hardcore….ugh. Not a fan in any way shape or form. Then there is GGG….). Just like with alcohol, recreational drugs, gambling and kitten tossing there will be people that cannot function without it and take it to an extreme or form a dependency. Everything is fine in moderation and porn is no exception. Last I heard, porn has never caused a war or caused a genocide so it is doing alright. The only thing porn does is make you run out of Kleenex faster and up your spend in lotion. At this altitude, you can’t have enough lotion so porn actually helps! My skin is soft all the time now! In closing, porn is awesome. It doesn’t judge you and quite simply….is the most American thing ever. With all the teenage pregnancies, abortias (Abortios? Aborti?) divorces due to infidelity and the plethora of sex toys women use (And men like that nasty ass Fleshlight) you would figure people wouldn’t be such candyasses about the money shot. Besides, most of ya’ll swallow or take it in the eye for free so quit yer bitchin’ and judgin’. Join the porn party!
Heh, that was fun. Well, it’s about time for bed. I will try to be back on Wednesday night but if not I will definitely be back on Friday for the Countdown and Sunday for my review of the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Well, it has been a while since I just kicked back and talked about me a little bit, rather than rant and rave like I usually do. Mostly that is because my life rarely has any interesting points to it (SIKE, NIGGA! My life is in a constant state of layoffs and flux!) and those points that ARE interesting either include a woman screwing me over or someone (Usually a woman, nigga or bro) pissing me off to no end. However, I must sit back and look at something that makes me happy. So, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME it is time to bring back a quick installment of…
WHAT CHACHI LIKES!
Chachi Likes…..Porn.
Now as many of you know, I do partake in the viewing of the carnal arts every now and again. Like right “now” and then “again” when I recharge. HI-YO! Yet, whenever I mention the fact I watch porn to anyone that isn’t one of my five main friends (You know who you are and who you AREN’T) they get all high and mighty like I am the bad one. First off, despite what people say all the time about porn being unhealthy…is it any unhealthier than anything else? Honestly, every friend I have minus two is either single and watching porn (In some cases….right now), divorced or mentally broken to the point that they have to constantly make mistakes to learn anything even though they know that what they are doing is troublesome to them mentally, physically and of course “emotionally” which is a fucking crock but women seem to think that emotional logic exists…..albeit the biggest oxymoron since “sober Irishman.” I think the real issue with porn is the negative connotation given to watching and performing in it. Which is funny because everyone is having more sex than me…which is none:
Now the fact that I watch porn shocks more people than my views on pretty much everything which is both shocking and yet interesting because I have some pretty fucked up views according to a lot of my friends, mainly of the female persuasion. Which is funny, because not only do females feel the need to always talk about their sex, I am sure that the majority of you have either:
· A tape of you fucking someone which is BEYOND ME because odds are you are not being paid for it and it wasn’t worth the humiliation of fucking a dude who works at the Carmike 10 or Olive Garden on a distributable medium.
· A really torrid sexual tale involving either another female and a male…or another male and a male. By the way, this is the ultimate in hypocrisy because Jasmine Byrne may take it in all holes on film but she gets paid for it. And almost makes it tolerable to watch to boot.
· Have a list of men you have had sex with about as long as the list of men that have been in Menudo. Hell, some of the women I know may have fucked a member of Menudo, and not one of the cool ones we remember like Ricky Martin or Cheech Marin.
· Left you panties at a man’s house. I find that funny because pornstars usually don’t WEAR panties as that leaves evidence of whoredom. Wow, porn stars are GENIUSES!
And yet not only do they find the fact that men watch porn disgusting they have the FUCKING GALL to call the performers in the movies whores. Well, first off that is just jealousy right there. The fact is that you are hating because no one wants to pay to see you have sex on film when they can buy you a few drinks and lie to you for a few hours in your time of dick need and do it for usually a lot less. Porn is expensive nowadays, it’s why I use the P2P. Sorry, but I am on a porn budget here.
Now I always hear from my female friends that porn stars are exploited in these movies and that is wrong. Well, the flawed logic in that is that women believe that exploitation is only definable in their minds so that is bullshit. Think about it, if you have casual sex because you WANT to you are being empowered and vindicated. However, if at any point that man is using YOU solely for sex then you are being exploited. Not now, Chairman Mao because that isn’t how it works. The fact is that porn is a job, just like anything else. No one complains about how athletes are exploited for their athletic prowess and decides to boycott sport. They are paid handsomely to do something most people do for free anyway, right so they shouldn’t complain and you shouldn’t feel sorry for them right? It is the exact same for porn stars. Therefore ladies, your argument about exploitation is bullshit, you are just mad because you didn’t do it first and you get a lot less taxable income when YOU do it. Don’t worry, it is a normal feeling. It is called “hatin.” I used to hate on Diddy until I realized he was ballin:
Now I strive to be as ballin as he is Cambodian breast milk and all.
Okay, for the dudes that say “Oh, I don’t watch porn” all I have to say is…
YOU LYING SACK OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
You aint got to lie to kick it, assclown. Watching porn is actually a natural progression of sexual curiosity, male or female. What bugs me about this is that dudes only say they DON’T watch porn when women are around. Now seriously, ladies. I will say a good chunk of men (An 80% clip minus me because I could care less about what you think about me. It’s how I am, hate it or love it) lie to you at all points and junctures to get at your glory muffin. So do you HONESTLY believe that shit? Where do you think they got the idea for anal from, boy scouts? No, they got it from their priest and now they want payback on SOMEONE! Or they got it from porn. Unless you are Mormon or just have had no access to the internet, DVD, VHS or Beta in the last FORTY FUCKING YEARS if you are a male you have seen porn. And even though you may not enjoy it (There is some porn that just makes me say the “nay no” but more on that later) you have seen it so stop lying. Just like everyone else, you learned about the money shot from Peter North so quit faking the funk….or the spunk. Ow, my eye!
Lastly, I have to touch on these people that say that porn is deviant and leads to watching “deviant porn” and even rape/sexual violence. Well, first off this whole concept of porn is between to consenting adults. Let me repeat for you religious fucktards and dumb ass bitches:
TWO….CONSENTING…..ADULTS!!!
Or three….or four. Or the starting line-up of the 1987 Washington Redskins but the point is this. If it is anything else aside from consenting adults it is usually a crime:
· Sex with a male or female minor? CRIME. Nambla and Catholics, I am looking at you. Japan, you’re cool.
· Sex with an animal? CRIME. Although….collies are kind of hot. I KID, GAWD! Take a joke!
· Sex with people in animal costumes? SHOULD BE A CRIME! Fucking furries piss me off. Nasty mother fuckers. An eight-way ass-to-mouth is fine between consenting adults but you people are wrong and you FUCKING KNOW IT!
Bottom line is that if you watch bukkake and say “man, this isn’t fucked up enough for me” then you need to be shot. In the face….or better yet, you need to be in a bukkake and find out how fucked up it is from the other end. That will keep you from moving to the hardcore stuff. Like watching “Requiem For A Dream” if you want to use heroin. If people watch porn and look for a more exteme fix there are fetish sites that while may seem “deviant” to you are good and legal so piss-off. I personally this BDSM is fucking stupid but I know people that are down for it and if you are that is your thing then by all means do it within the eyes of the law and get your rocks soft:
Just please keep the whips and chains away from me. I don’t like hip hop. ZING!
As for the rape defense, you already know how I feel about that. If you don’t then first of WHERE IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, UNDER A ROCK?! How can you consider yourself a reader and even worse how can you consider yourself my friend….I am crushed. Anyway, I will preface this by saying that I have never been raped (Although like Carl, I thought it was funny until I saw Handbanana) and I don’t act like I know what it feels like or comprehend the mental ramifications it has on the victim, female or male. But at its core, I believe (Again...I believe) rape is a crime of violence, not necessarily a crime of sex (I have always looked at rape like a robbery or an assault, not as a sexual crime. It should be treated as such much like how I feel about hate crime but again, it us just my opinion). It is about overpowering the victim’s choice of saying no by force and the act itself is a sexual act. It is much like the debate of video game violence: everyone responds to stimuli differently. If a woman says no, I understand that no means no and I stop. (Can I just say that sentiment isn’t returned by women? It has happened to me three times now and I am no Robert Downey Jr. but I have the right to say know if I feel uncomfortable and yet when I do she flips the fuck out because I am not "allowed to" say no. Just an observation) but someone else may just have to take the pussy like PePe Le Pew because he needs it. Just like with video games one person may play GTA IV for five hours and then go out and have a nice calm sushi and sake dinner with the Hoag and Michelle. Another person might play for ten minutes and decide it is okay to beat the fuck out of a hooker with a baseball bat and steal a tank. You never know. Therefore, to say that porn is a stimulus for sexual violence or rape in men is the same as saying that eating bad taco meat is a stimulus for rape as well. It COULD happen with anything, to say it is MORE LIKELY is purely spectulation because depending on your focus group you could get people like myself and my friends that have watched porn and turned away more sex than gotten (God…I am so fucking sad) or someone that like Jermaine Dupri if he buys you a drink and you drink it up…your going home with him. And you is his girlfriend:
Love that song.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with porn but I will admit there is something wrong with some of the people that watch it and make it (Max Hardcore….ugh. Not a fan in any way shape or form. Then there is GGG….). Just like with alcohol, recreational drugs, gambling and kitten tossing there will be people that cannot function without it and take it to an extreme or form a dependency. Everything is fine in moderation and porn is no exception. Last I heard, porn has never caused a war or caused a genocide so it is doing alright. The only thing porn does is make you run out of Kleenex faster and up your spend in lotion. At this altitude, you can’t have enough lotion so porn actually helps! My skin is soft all the time now! In closing, porn is awesome. It doesn’t judge you and quite simply….is the most American thing ever. With all the teenage pregnancies, abortias (Abortios? Aborti?) divorces due to infidelity and the plethora of sex toys women use (And men like that nasty ass Fleshlight) you would figure people wouldn’t be such candyasses about the money shot. Besides, most of ya’ll swallow or take it in the eye for free so quit yer bitchin’ and judgin’. Join the porn party!
Heh, that was fun. Well, it’s about time for bed. I will try to be back on Wednesday night but if not I will definitely be back on Friday for the Countdown and Sunday for my review of the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Moms' Have Their Own Day, But Horse Does Not? America Is Wacky!
What is up, people! First off, Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there. You aren’t MY MOM (Or let me latch on like that panther cub with that dog. Awwww) so I am honestly not concerned with your life and/or kids but hey: just like it doesn’t take skill to make a baby it takes infinite skill to be a parent. If you do it and do it right then big ups. If not…thank you for raising the next lil’ whore or mass murderer. BURN!
I kid, I kid. Happy Mother’s Day and whatnot. Someone has to have the duty of giving us more kids to not get social security. Man, I am just TOO MUCH! Whoooo!
It has been a VERY SHORT weekend with half of it being spent at work and the other half spent at a rave. Which….was filled with fricking minors. I mean, I haven’t been to a rave in about…five years (I think?) but I never remembered so many teenagers being at a rave. I guess the drugs wear off and you have to get real jobs. Naaaah. So aside from Mother’s Day and Speed Racer (More on that later) I got my Zune on Thursday night and I must say that it is a rather mixed bag.
As you ALL KNOW I have had a read hatred of Apple for a long time. Well, not really Apple as much as its smug, hybrid car driving, goatee sporting, tree hugging hipster/bro fuck fanbase. Your system is based off the fact you have to be a fucktard to use it. One button? Wow, you must be fucking retarded to think that makes life on a computer easier for you. Fuckwit. Anyway, I digress. The fact is that I got a Zune for the pure fact or replacing my iPod and in the end it eventually will. Not yet, I tell you what. So now, it is time for the first ever…
Chachi’s Consumer Report!
Today’s Match-Up: The Zune vs the iPod!
Matchup #1: Music
First off, let me tell you about what I hated about the Zune. You all know how many times I threatened to kill everyone and their fucking children whenever iTunes crashed my computer or tried to make itself the default for EVERYTHING but there was one thing I never gave it credit for: in-software audio conversion. You see, for those of you that don’t get what I mean an iPod only plays AAC music files. But all of your files are in MP3 format, right (Some of you may have FLAC’s or APE files but you are just wasting your hard drive space IMHO)? No problem, iTunes converts it for you on the fly (Or just accepts it automatically depending on the version you have). That means you can have your files anywhere (Back-up hard drive, separate folders, connected storage, desktop, etc) and just drag and drop because it also SYNCS your files on the fly. Although the software fights with Microsoft like Jews and Arabs over the last piece of fish, it made it very easy to update your iPod and roll out.
The Zune however….doesn’t do ANY OF THAT. It will sync your files, but you have to attach the Zune software to the ACTUAL DRIVE that it is in. Now cast aside my paranoia about Microsoft trying to check on what music I have (It doesn’t read kanji so I am good so far) I don’t want to have to sync my 190GB of music (Yes, you read that right. I have had this music collection since dial-up in 1998) to my Zune software because they are either worried about copyright problems or haven’t figured out how to do a fucking playlist feature correctly because I have heard the original software wasn’t a fan favorite, either. The iTunes software, as much as it didn’t work, crashed or just flat out wouldn’t sync with my iPod (I was pushing a 40GB iPod Photo that clashed like a champ with the new iTunes and prompted me to look at a Zune anyway) it was highly intuitive and actually accidently made itself a great piece of software by being unable to sync with MP3’s effectively and converting on the fly. One for the iPod.
The Winnah: iPod!
Matchup #2: Video
Well, after using an iPod video for a while and tinkering with my Zune for the last two days I must say that the Zune wins this argument hands down. First off, the Zune supports WMV and H.264 (Which is what you will see the majority of anime and videos saved in now) which is awesome because the software to convert DivX to H.264 or WMV is free, baby! It also plays MP4/MPEG-4 just like the iPod video so that puts a HUGE feather in the hat of the Zune. The iPod video only plays MPEG-4 format and you can convert AVI & MPEG’s but it takes FOR-FUCKING-EVER and even then the quality is downgraded. Combine that with the Zune’s larger screen (Unless you get the iPod Touch and then you are fucked because at only 8Gb you get three movies on there and you are wasting your time) and easier software to add on to the player and you have an easy win for the Zune. Which is weird because the rules that apply for music are alot more annoying than the ones for the video. Oh, and the iPod Video screen LICKS ASS.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #3: Sound
Now the Zune got rid of the EQ feature as a battery saver for more emphasis on the Wi-Fi aspect of the player. Which I haven’t used yet but I don’t know anyone aside Joe with a Zune so my options are limited. By dropping the EQ it forced the player to perform sound-wise, on the 80GB at least, at its maximum. I am talking 5.1 surround sound on an MP3 PLAYER! It is bad ass! Also, the ear-buds are digital quality ear phones! Compare that to the iPod which even Apple has stated that they sacrifice the sound for other aspects like….looking pretty? Seriously, even at half volume on high end headphones the iPod hisses like a cat being used to cheese. The Zune, even maxed out, was hiss free and even found a way to direct different sounds in different channels as I watched Final Fantasy Advent Children on my Zune. BTW….FUCK YES. IN FUCKING WIDESCREEN, BITCHES! Sephiroth OWNS YOU.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #4: Interface
Now the iTunes interface is basic as all hell which I actually like because I have no need for bells and whistles. The Zune interface on the other hand….hell’s no. If you are trying to add on music it is cumbersome and FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE because it is constantly syncing to your drive rather than what is on the player. That makes it run slow as shit if like me you have a lot of music. Now imputing CD’s is a hell of a lot easier than the iPod which just wouldn’t do it at all. Seriously, I got ONE CD to load on my iPod in the four or so years I have had it. Just annoying to no end. Now what the iPod rules in with the iTunes interface it takes a step back with the player interface. On the older versions it is as bland as all hell and the new interface is pretty much like the iPhone which means TEH SUCK! The touch interface SOUNDS like a good idea until you use it. I still believe that Apple is trying to make up for the Newton every time they implement a touch interface.
Seriously, just stop. The Zune’s interface is stylish and aside from the minor problem of fast-forwarding video (I hope a patch will come for using the Zune Wheel to scan forward and backward) it actually is easier to navigate than the iPod Video and the iPod Touch. Shocker to me, too.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #5: Software
Ugh…where do I even start? The Zune software doesn’t TOTALLY suck ass. But it does give one HELL of a rim job. The navigation of music is utter and complete shit. After about three hours I was literally ready to send it back due to it being damn near unusable. Now iTunes, despite the fact of it only working 60% of the time was very easy to use and every easy to navigate. Putting music on your iPod was simple, but putting video on it was a bitch and a half. The Zune software should be there for putting on VIDEO ONLY and Windows Media Player should be used for the playlists. That would rule but what do I know; I am only a consumer. For what it is worth, when iTunes was WORKING, it was excellent and one of the few programs Apple made that I feel was worth the use.
The Winnah: iPod!
So by a 3-2 margin (Could have been a 4-1 margin if not for that SHITTY ASS SOFTWARE)…
The Overall Winnah: THE ZUNE!
Now the Zune is not perfect and the Zune is NOT for everyone. It has major problems, mostly that of the software. The iPod had major problems, mostly being the fact that the iPod rarely works. So at the end of the day if you are looking for a switch the Zune is a great product but only if you have a lot of video or are ready to tackle the sheer amount of music you have. If you are comfortable and happy with the iPod, I see no reason for anyone to switch. Aside from the fact its EVIL:
I kid, I am still going to use mine for the time being. But once I get my Zune set up the way I want it, it is bye-bye to the iPod.
So it is time for the second week of Chachi’s Summer of Cinema as I bring you this week’s installment of…
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!
This Week’s Movie: Speed Racer!
So Zach and I also saw “Speed Racer” on Friday and all I can say is that….it was really long. About 30 minutes too long. After seeing the multiple orgasm that was “Iron Man” this movie was a huge letdown. Now it wasn’t BAD but it just didn’t stand out. It would have been an awesome movie in March or at the end of this summer (late August or September) but as a movie following “Iron Man” and before “Prince Caspian?” Not a good move as the movie was just above average to start off with. It is worth the watch for the races but the kid needed to DIE (You know, comic relief is just that: relief from the action or drama? The kid and the monkey were annoying and took away from the movie) and the plot was the best they could do with a movie about a racing spy (Was he a spy? I don’t even remember…) so if you want a mid-day movie check it out. I give it what I expected…
6.5 Out of 10 Stars!
(It had its faults but most movies do. It was WAY too long for what it needed to be and the comedy was not placed very well. However, the action was great and Bi was FUCKING AWESOME! He needs to work on his English, but so does Nicholas Cage so there. Check it out for a fun time but not worth $8.50)
Well, that is all for now. Short weekend and all. However, the government gives me my cash (FINALLY after about three delays) and it is Denver this Saturday so if anyone is down to ride, I am letting you know in advance. I will try to be back up on Tuesday or Wednesday with a long awaited rant about something that is a LONG TIME COMING. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
I kid, I kid. Happy Mother’s Day and whatnot. Someone has to have the duty of giving us more kids to not get social security. Man, I am just TOO MUCH! Whoooo!
It has been a VERY SHORT weekend with half of it being spent at work and the other half spent at a rave. Which….was filled with fricking minors. I mean, I haven’t been to a rave in about…five years (I think?) but I never remembered so many teenagers being at a rave. I guess the drugs wear off and you have to get real jobs. Naaaah. So aside from Mother’s Day and Speed Racer (More on that later) I got my Zune on Thursday night and I must say that it is a rather mixed bag.
As you ALL KNOW I have had a read hatred of Apple for a long time. Well, not really Apple as much as its smug, hybrid car driving, goatee sporting, tree hugging hipster/bro fuck fanbase. Your system is based off the fact you have to be a fucktard to use it. One button? Wow, you must be fucking retarded to think that makes life on a computer easier for you. Fuckwit. Anyway, I digress. The fact is that I got a Zune for the pure fact or replacing my iPod and in the end it eventually will. Not yet, I tell you what. So now, it is time for the first ever…
Chachi’s Consumer Report!
Today’s Match-Up: The Zune vs the iPod!
Matchup #1: Music
First off, let me tell you about what I hated about the Zune. You all know how many times I threatened to kill everyone and their fucking children whenever iTunes crashed my computer or tried to make itself the default for EVERYTHING but there was one thing I never gave it credit for: in-software audio conversion. You see, for those of you that don’t get what I mean an iPod only plays AAC music files. But all of your files are in MP3 format, right (Some of you may have FLAC’s or APE files but you are just wasting your hard drive space IMHO)? No problem, iTunes converts it for you on the fly (Or just accepts it automatically depending on the version you have). That means you can have your files anywhere (Back-up hard drive, separate folders, connected storage, desktop, etc) and just drag and drop because it also SYNCS your files on the fly. Although the software fights with Microsoft like Jews and Arabs over the last piece of fish, it made it very easy to update your iPod and roll out.
The Zune however….doesn’t do ANY OF THAT. It will sync your files, but you have to attach the Zune software to the ACTUAL DRIVE that it is in. Now cast aside my paranoia about Microsoft trying to check on what music I have (It doesn’t read kanji so I am good so far) I don’t want to have to sync my 190GB of music (Yes, you read that right. I have had this music collection since dial-up in 1998) to my Zune software because they are either worried about copyright problems or haven’t figured out how to do a fucking playlist feature correctly because I have heard the original software wasn’t a fan favorite, either. The iTunes software, as much as it didn’t work, crashed or just flat out wouldn’t sync with my iPod (I was pushing a 40GB iPod Photo that clashed like a champ with the new iTunes and prompted me to look at a Zune anyway) it was highly intuitive and actually accidently made itself a great piece of software by being unable to sync with MP3’s effectively and converting on the fly. One for the iPod.
The Winnah: iPod!
Matchup #2: Video
Well, after using an iPod video for a while and tinkering with my Zune for the last two days I must say that the Zune wins this argument hands down. First off, the Zune supports WMV and H.264 (Which is what you will see the majority of anime and videos saved in now) which is awesome because the software to convert DivX to H.264 or WMV is free, baby! It also plays MP4/MPEG-4 just like the iPod video so that puts a HUGE feather in the hat of the Zune. The iPod video only plays MPEG-4 format and you can convert AVI & MPEG’s but it takes FOR-FUCKING-EVER and even then the quality is downgraded. Combine that with the Zune’s larger screen (Unless you get the iPod Touch and then you are fucked because at only 8Gb you get three movies on there and you are wasting your time) and easier software to add on to the player and you have an easy win for the Zune. Which is weird because the rules that apply for music are alot more annoying than the ones for the video. Oh, and the iPod Video screen LICKS ASS.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #3: Sound
Now the Zune got rid of the EQ feature as a battery saver for more emphasis on the Wi-Fi aspect of the player. Which I haven’t used yet but I don’t know anyone aside Joe with a Zune so my options are limited. By dropping the EQ it forced the player to perform sound-wise, on the 80GB at least, at its maximum. I am talking 5.1 surround sound on an MP3 PLAYER! It is bad ass! Also, the ear-buds are digital quality ear phones! Compare that to the iPod which even Apple has stated that they sacrifice the sound for other aspects like….looking pretty? Seriously, even at half volume on high end headphones the iPod hisses like a cat being used to cheese. The Zune, even maxed out, was hiss free and even found a way to direct different sounds in different channels as I watched Final Fantasy Advent Children on my Zune. BTW….FUCK YES. IN FUCKING WIDESCREEN, BITCHES! Sephiroth OWNS YOU.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #4: Interface
Now the iTunes interface is basic as all hell which I actually like because I have no need for bells and whistles. The Zune interface on the other hand….hell’s no. If you are trying to add on music it is cumbersome and FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE because it is constantly syncing to your drive rather than what is on the player. That makes it run slow as shit if like me you have a lot of music. Now imputing CD’s is a hell of a lot easier than the iPod which just wouldn’t do it at all. Seriously, I got ONE CD to load on my iPod in the four or so years I have had it. Just annoying to no end. Now what the iPod rules in with the iTunes interface it takes a step back with the player interface. On the older versions it is as bland as all hell and the new interface is pretty much like the iPhone which means TEH SUCK! The touch interface SOUNDS like a good idea until you use it. I still believe that Apple is trying to make up for the Newton every time they implement a touch interface.
Seriously, just stop. The Zune’s interface is stylish and aside from the minor problem of fast-forwarding video (I hope a patch will come for using the Zune Wheel to scan forward and backward) it actually is easier to navigate than the iPod Video and the iPod Touch. Shocker to me, too.
The Winnah: Zune!
Matchup #5: Software
Ugh…where do I even start? The Zune software doesn’t TOTALLY suck ass. But it does give one HELL of a rim job. The navigation of music is utter and complete shit. After about three hours I was literally ready to send it back due to it being damn near unusable. Now iTunes, despite the fact of it only working 60% of the time was very easy to use and every easy to navigate. Putting music on your iPod was simple, but putting video on it was a bitch and a half. The Zune software should be there for putting on VIDEO ONLY and Windows Media Player should be used for the playlists. That would rule but what do I know; I am only a consumer. For what it is worth, when iTunes was WORKING, it was excellent and one of the few programs Apple made that I feel was worth the use.
The Winnah: iPod!
So by a 3-2 margin (Could have been a 4-1 margin if not for that SHITTY ASS SOFTWARE)…
The Overall Winnah: THE ZUNE!
Now the Zune is not perfect and the Zune is NOT for everyone. It has major problems, mostly that of the software. The iPod had major problems, mostly being the fact that the iPod rarely works. So at the end of the day if you are looking for a switch the Zune is a great product but only if you have a lot of video or are ready to tackle the sheer amount of music you have. If you are comfortable and happy with the iPod, I see no reason for anyone to switch. Aside from the fact its EVIL:
I kid, I am still going to use mine for the time being. But once I get my Zune set up the way I want it, it is bye-bye to the iPod.
So it is time for the second week of Chachi’s Summer of Cinema as I bring you this week’s installment of…
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!
This Week’s Movie: Speed Racer!
So Zach and I also saw “Speed Racer” on Friday and all I can say is that….it was really long. About 30 minutes too long. After seeing the multiple orgasm that was “Iron Man” this movie was a huge letdown. Now it wasn’t BAD but it just didn’t stand out. It would have been an awesome movie in March or at the end of this summer (late August or September) but as a movie following “Iron Man” and before “Prince Caspian?” Not a good move as the movie was just above average to start off with. It is worth the watch for the races but the kid needed to DIE (You know, comic relief is just that: relief from the action or drama? The kid and the monkey were annoying and took away from the movie) and the plot was the best they could do with a movie about a racing spy (Was he a spy? I don’t even remember…) so if you want a mid-day movie check it out. I give it what I expected…
6.5 Out of 10 Stars!
(It had its faults but most movies do. It was WAY too long for what it needed to be and the comedy was not placed very well. However, the action was great and Bi was FUCKING AWESOME! He needs to work on his English, but so does Nicholas Cage so there. Check it out for a fun time but not worth $8.50)
Well, that is all for now. Short weekend and all. However, the government gives me my cash (FINALLY after about three delays) and it is Denver this Saturday so if anyone is down to ride, I am letting you know in advance. I will try to be back up on Tuesday or Wednesday with a long awaited rant about something that is a LONG TIME COMING. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Aw...I'm A Dork, Aren't I?
What is up, mother bitches?! I am back on the scene and needless to say after a week in hiding in the fucking mountains (Just call me Man Mountain Rock or some shit) it is good to be back dropping the knowledge to the peeps. The killer is I agreed to help out and do some work on a FUCKING SATURDAY so half my day is shot. They better never ask that shit again, though. I’m on salary, dammit. Now, it is time for a almost bedtime edition of…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: We’re Here, We’re Black, AND WE AREN’T GOING BACK!
So when I first met the people I work with at a party (with margaritas with THREE KINDS OF TEQUILA. It gets you drunk!) one of them told me how she was NOT a fan of Woodland Park. She said it was a small ass mountain town and it scared her. Not I am not sure if it scared her the same way it scared me but after being up there I have to say….they aren’t used to Black people. Not in a way like “Jeb, get the rope it’s time for a good ol’ fashioned lynchin!” but in the way like “WOW! You’re BLACK! Can I touch your hair?” which really just freaks me out. I mean in this day and age with BET, the internet and ring tones you can’t go to a damn Red Lobster without seeing Black people. We’s loves the cheddar biscuits. So the fact that there are people who have 1) never seen Black people or 2) didn’t know Black people were real astounds me. You LITERALLY have to hole yourself up in a shack like Grizzly Adams to not see a single Black person in real time (GTA: San Andreas DOES NOT COUNT). Even he saw a black bear or two. Yes, that bear talked to the screen at the movies. We all do it because it is part of our DNA. Just like white people and this:
Aahhh, the wop. The dance, not the dude. ZING!
Random Thought #2: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Apparently An Uppercut To The Gut. Yeaaah.
Okay, I understand that Tina Turner is still somewhat attractive at 68 years old…which is too old, even for me. And I like older women as anyone that knows me can vouch. Yes, I also understand that she left an abusive husband to become a Grammy winning, international superstar and blah blah blah, yakkity smackity. Let’s be real though. I am probably going to piss some of you off by saying this but Tina Turner owes all her success to one man and one man only. No, not Jesus or Mick Jagger (Only one “Big J” can rock Wembley Stadium and it sure as hell aint the guy with holes in his hand), I am talking about Ike Turner:
ike strikes back
Say what you will, him keeping her monkey ass on the run kept them legs sexy. Ike, the rock and roll world thanks you for your ass-kickery and violent, coke induced rages. What the problem is?!
Random Thought #3: Hillary Needs To Shut The Fuck Up. NOW.
So um….this is a very douchey statement:
Yeah, I am real close to switching back to Republican. The fact that she says that has either cost her the race, the VP nod (Because if I were Obama, I would never forgive for that shit) and she may have lost the rest of the Democratic Party. The statement may be true but think about it:
SINCE WHEN HAS MIDDLE AMERICA VOTED FOR DEMOCRATS ANY-FUCKING-WAY?!
Aside from Bill Clinton (Who is one Busch from the trailer park at any moment) no Democrat has been able to carry the same non-college educated, “hard working” (Not really, because THEYTOOKDERJERBS!) White Americans. I like my democratic party of Blacks and egg-head Whites, non-readers not apply.
Random Thought #4: So GTA IV Has A Plot….Somewhere.
Okay, so I really REALLY like GTA IV. I haven’t had this much fun playing a game since Kingdom Hearts II and if you read this blog you KNOW how much I played the hell out of that game. That being said….why is it that right when I get ready to go on a mission to move the story along someone wants to hang out or some shit? I mean I understand there are side quests and mini-games but come on. At least give me a point where I can just piss around without feeling like I am missing something. Hell, I don’t even know about any side quests because motherfuckers always want to go play pool and shit. I got hookers to beat, mother fucker! Even still, it is a badass game and if you have a next-gen system you should check it out.
Random Thought #5: I’m Not That Bad A Guy.
So I have been wrestling with this since a certain person said I was “insensitive” and that would keep me from ever dating again. Well, first off I hope things are going well with your second baby from a second daddy. Secondly, it got me to thinking: am I really that bad of a guy? I mean I know my looks are about as appealing as a $10 lap dance and living in a basement really keeps the ladies away but even when I was living by myself I wasn’t a HORRIBLE PERSON. I mean I am abrasive but at the end of the day I would rather be that than a sniveling bitch-mad ass nigga (2Pac forever!). I know my limits but I also know my threshold of how far I will let a woman push me. Now to some women that is seen as being insensitive or uncaring (Which I have never been CALLED but it has been insinuated) but I would expect no less from a woman. I am as nice as I could possibly be seeing as how my trust has been broken many a time to the point that NOW I can admit to being abrasive because I just stopped caring. Maybe a woman can come along and kind of make me give a fuck, I don’t know. But I am not an asshole as much as I am a person that has a…particular mind state and sense of humor. There is a reason I have a lot of acquaintances and about six (maybe seven when drunk) really good friends. I count families as one (You know who you are, Beth and the C-Fresh crew) but for the most part I keep small company:
1. Griff (My road dog. Brother from another mother. Yes, I mean it like Black people mean it because it means more that way)
2. Zach (Mainly because no one else gets me like he does. In a straight way, you fucks)
3. Rick (Who I haven’t seen in a while but for about a year if I was ever in jail….he would be right next to me saying “What do you mean setting squirrels on fire and letting them loose in an orphanage is a crime? I thought this was America!”)
4. Nolan & Nik (Two words: Bonnie Tyler. Two more words: Wilson’s Leather. Don’t ask)
5. Nicole (Solely because she is hormonal right now and I don’t need her getting mad about this. Because I will punch a woman in the stomach with the quickness. Then we can drink again! You see, I AM your friend! I kid, I kid)
If I left you off I am either too sober to care or….yeah I am just way too sober to care. In the end, my circle is small but my circle rules. Except Jimmy because he touched me once in the bathroom. Would it be weird if I said I didn’t mind it? Yes it would….but I already did and I can’t take it back now. Memories….
Well, as you can see my random thoughts are…well….fucked up. However, I have to get them out lest I pull a Martin Lawrence at a roundabout and start shooting up cars. No one wants that, at least until I star in “Big Momma’s House 3” to save my fledgling acting career. I am out for now, gotta get up early tomorrow. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: We’re Here, We’re Black, AND WE AREN’T GOING BACK!
So when I first met the people I work with at a party (with margaritas with THREE KINDS OF TEQUILA. It gets you drunk!) one of them told me how she was NOT a fan of Woodland Park. She said it was a small ass mountain town and it scared her. Not I am not sure if it scared her the same way it scared me but after being up there I have to say….they aren’t used to Black people. Not in a way like “Jeb, get the rope it’s time for a good ol’ fashioned lynchin!” but in the way like “WOW! You’re BLACK! Can I touch your hair?” which really just freaks me out. I mean in this day and age with BET, the internet and ring tones you can’t go to a damn Red Lobster without seeing Black people. We’s loves the cheddar biscuits. So the fact that there are people who have 1) never seen Black people or 2) didn’t know Black people were real astounds me. You LITERALLY have to hole yourself up in a shack like Grizzly Adams to not see a single Black person in real time (GTA: San Andreas DOES NOT COUNT). Even he saw a black bear or two. Yes, that bear talked to the screen at the movies. We all do it because it is part of our DNA. Just like white people and this:
Aahhh, the wop. The dance, not the dude. ZING!
Random Thought #2: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Apparently An Uppercut To The Gut. Yeaaah.
Okay, I understand that Tina Turner is still somewhat attractive at 68 years old…which is too old, even for me. And I like older women as anyone that knows me can vouch. Yes, I also understand that she left an abusive husband to become a Grammy winning, international superstar and blah blah blah, yakkity smackity. Let’s be real though. I am probably going to piss some of you off by saying this but Tina Turner owes all her success to one man and one man only. No, not Jesus or Mick Jagger (Only one “Big J” can rock Wembley Stadium and it sure as hell aint the guy with holes in his hand), I am talking about Ike Turner:
ike strikes back
Say what you will, him keeping her monkey ass on the run kept them legs sexy. Ike, the rock and roll world thanks you for your ass-kickery and violent, coke induced rages. What the problem is?!
Random Thought #3: Hillary Needs To Shut The Fuck Up. NOW.
So um….this is a very douchey statement:
Yeah, I am real close to switching back to Republican. The fact that she says that has either cost her the race, the VP nod (Because if I were Obama, I would never forgive for that shit) and she may have lost the rest of the Democratic Party. The statement may be true but think about it:
SINCE WHEN HAS MIDDLE AMERICA VOTED FOR DEMOCRATS ANY-FUCKING-WAY?!
Aside from Bill Clinton (Who is one Busch from the trailer park at any moment) no Democrat has been able to carry the same non-college educated, “hard working” (Not really, because THEYTOOKDERJERBS!) White Americans. I like my democratic party of Blacks and egg-head Whites, non-readers not apply.
Random Thought #4: So GTA IV Has A Plot….Somewhere.
Okay, so I really REALLY like GTA IV. I haven’t had this much fun playing a game since Kingdom Hearts II and if you read this blog you KNOW how much I played the hell out of that game. That being said….why is it that right when I get ready to go on a mission to move the story along someone wants to hang out or some shit? I mean I understand there are side quests and mini-games but come on. At least give me a point where I can just piss around without feeling like I am missing something. Hell, I don’t even know about any side quests because motherfuckers always want to go play pool and shit. I got hookers to beat, mother fucker! Even still, it is a badass game and if you have a next-gen system you should check it out.
Random Thought #5: I’m Not That Bad A Guy.
So I have been wrestling with this since a certain person said I was “insensitive” and that would keep me from ever dating again. Well, first off I hope things are going well with your second baby from a second daddy. Secondly, it got me to thinking: am I really that bad of a guy? I mean I know my looks are about as appealing as a $10 lap dance and living in a basement really keeps the ladies away but even when I was living by myself I wasn’t a HORRIBLE PERSON. I mean I am abrasive but at the end of the day I would rather be that than a sniveling bitch-mad ass nigga (2Pac forever!). I know my limits but I also know my threshold of how far I will let a woman push me. Now to some women that is seen as being insensitive or uncaring (Which I have never been CALLED but it has been insinuated) but I would expect no less from a woman. I am as nice as I could possibly be seeing as how my trust has been broken many a time to the point that NOW I can admit to being abrasive because I just stopped caring. Maybe a woman can come along and kind of make me give a fuck, I don’t know. But I am not an asshole as much as I am a person that has a…particular mind state and sense of humor. There is a reason I have a lot of acquaintances and about six (maybe seven when drunk) really good friends. I count families as one (You know who you are, Beth and the C-Fresh crew) but for the most part I keep small company:
1. Griff (My road dog. Brother from another mother. Yes, I mean it like Black people mean it because it means more that way)
2. Zach (Mainly because no one else gets me like he does. In a straight way, you fucks)
3. Rick (Who I haven’t seen in a while but for about a year if I was ever in jail….he would be right next to me saying “What do you mean setting squirrels on fire and letting them loose in an orphanage is a crime? I thought this was America!”)
4. Nolan & Nik (Two words: Bonnie Tyler. Two more words: Wilson’s Leather. Don’t ask)
5. Nicole (Solely because she is hormonal right now and I don’t need her getting mad about this. Because I will punch a woman in the stomach with the quickness. Then we can drink again! You see, I AM your friend! I kid, I kid)
If I left you off I am either too sober to care or….yeah I am just way too sober to care. In the end, my circle is small but my circle rules. Except Jimmy because he touched me once in the bathroom. Would it be weird if I said I didn’t mind it? Yes it would….but I already did and I can’t take it back now. Memories….
Well, as you can see my random thoughts are…well….fucked up. However, I have to get them out lest I pull a Martin Lawrence at a roundabout and start shooting up cars. No one wants that, at least until I star in “Big Momma’s House 3” to save my fledgling acting career. I am out for now, gotta get up early tomorrow. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Friday, May 09, 2008
It's FINALLY A Man's World!
What is up, people! Its Friday here in the CSP and with every Friday comes the 20 biggest videos on the planet! It’s time for the…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started!
20. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #17)
It looks like the end for RBD as they fall three more spots as we begin the Countdown this week. Can it get any rougher for me seeing as how I may never get to see Anahi live? Oh, the pain…The PAIN.
19. Paramore – That’s What You Get (New Entry)
Paramore is back! After a four month hiatus, Paramore is back for…well…more. Hayley and crew are on the Countdown for a third time and have yet to hit the top spot. Foxxi MisQ finally broke their streak, can Paramore?
18. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #14)
Looks like the end of the road for another Countdown staple. Three Top 10 videos (Including a three week stint at number one in 2007) is a great run and this video spent two weeks as the runner up to the monster that was Bennie K so buck up! They will be back.
17. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #16)
The Boyz are STILL hanging on for dear life! It has been almost two months and they haven’t moved past number 14, but they are still here. How long can they last in the bottom half? Busta has two new videos out…and one may just get on here.
16. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #20)
YA-KYIM is looking very impressive their first time out! The trio moves up four big spots this week, the second biggest jump of the week. This song is really….really catchy and I even found myself singing it in the shower. I NEVER sing in the shower.
15. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #18)
The Roots have a double play! Their newest video moves up three spots this week…
14. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #12)
….while their old joint falls two spots. Their album came out this week and debuted in the Top 10 on Billboard! Maybe people aren’t as dumb as I thought.
13. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #10)
Miss Badu falls out of the Top 10 this week as we keep on moving. I haven’t heard about anything new yet which is kind of dishearting but that’s no big deal.
12. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #13)
Colbie is slowly moving up as she is two spots from the Top 10! This song is really growing on me, mostly because I am eternally lonely and need this song. It helps out some. But I have to say that her eyes are REALLY close together.
11. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #8)
Yui falls out of the Top 10 this week and even though she has two songs on the Countdown it is a shocking trend that she has four straight videos hit number two. Not only did they hit number two they stayed there for multiple weeks. It’s a shame, but we have to move on!
10. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)
My baby boo is back in the upper half! Alicia Keys moves up a big five spots for her third Top 10 video of 2008! Can she make it three for three from her latest CD? We will have to see about that. By the way….she is FINE.
9. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #6, Seven Weeks at #1)
After a long run at the top, Bennie K falls three spots this week. Their greatest hits album was well worth the time to pick up, especially because of how much I still love “Dreamland.” However, I guess that means nothing new from them for a while, though. I miss Yuki and Cico already!
8. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #11)
Kelun move into the Top Ten! I still cannot find out when his next album comes out or when the single for “CHU-BURA” comes out. Hell, I can’t even find THIS SONG. It seems they always have to hide the stuff I want to actually hear. Kick ass stuff.
7. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #4)
Yui’s second video on the Countdown falls out of the Top Five this week. It has been a good year for Yui with a new album and two huge videos. Oh, and her live performance of this song was so cute I wanted to marry a kitten. Until I realized….it would never work. Two different worlds.
6. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #9)
Kobuta and Misia are literally flying high! The duo moves up three big spots as they both make the most of their first visits on the Top 20. They may be new to the Countdown but they are J-R&B veterans and have been at this for a long time. WHERE IS THE ALBUM?!
5. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
We are into the Top Five and we begin with an artist that already has a number one video in 2008! Lupe moves up by himself (Kind of) as he looks to cement his name as a contender for the Chachi for Artist of the Year. Big year so far, but let’s see how the year plays out.
4. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After finally breaking the streak, Foxxi MisQ slows their descent down a tad as they fall only two spots this week. From how it looks, we should have a sequel to “Gloss” by the end of the summer and I am hella pumped about that. We are down to three!
3. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #7)
It is a “homecoming” of sorts for Kanye as he makes it back to the Top 3 for the second straight time of 2008! The owner of the album of 2008 looks to continue his dominance with another number one and put his name in the hat for Artist of the Year. Can he get his third number one video of the last 12 months? We’ll see!
2. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #3)
The Arc is at it again! In 2007, Hyde and Company pulled off the upset of the year by knocking off the video of the year in UGK & Outkast’s “International Players Anthem” and taking the crown. Albeit it was only for one week, they still beat the champ. Now they are back at number two and looking to knock off the champ! Can they do it? Not this week…
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
….as Usher tops the Countdown for a second week in a row! To make things even more awesome, he has a NEW VIDEO coming out in the next three weeks! HELLS YEAH! Don’t get too happy because BI IS BACK IN OCTOBER! IT IS SO ON! Until then, Usher is the King of the Countdown!
That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Usher and Jeezy can make it three weeks in a row? Or will L’Arc~en~Ciel once again score the upset and take the number one spot? Or can Kanye West continue his run of dominance over the Countdown and take the throne yet again? For The first time in a year it is a man's world on the Top Three of the Countdown! Tune in next week to find out who comes out the champ!
Well I am out. I just got my Zune (W00T MOTHERFUCKER! LICK MY ASS APPLE!) so I need to set that up and then it is off to see….Speed Racer. Something tells me I may hate myself after that. I will be back with a review of Speed Racer on Sunday. Saturday I am debating between a rave and going to downtown Denver. It’s a toss up. Until next time, stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s get started!
20. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #17)
It looks like the end for RBD as they fall three more spots as we begin the Countdown this week. Can it get any rougher for me seeing as how I may never get to see Anahi live? Oh, the pain…The PAIN.
19. Paramore – That’s What You Get (New Entry)
Paramore is back! After a four month hiatus, Paramore is back for…well…more. Hayley and crew are on the Countdown for a third time and have yet to hit the top spot. Foxxi MisQ finally broke their streak, can Paramore?
18. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #14)
Looks like the end of the road for another Countdown staple. Three Top 10 videos (Including a three week stint at number one in 2007) is a great run and this video spent two weeks as the runner up to the monster that was Bennie K so buck up! They will be back.
17. TERIYAKI BOYZ - ZOCK ON! feat. Pharrell and Busta Rhymes - ZOCK ON! (Last Week #16)
The Boyz are STILL hanging on for dear life! It has been almost two months and they haven’t moved past number 14, but they are still here. How long can they last in the bottom half? Busta has two new videos out…and one may just get on here.
16. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #20)
YA-KYIM is looking very impressive their first time out! The trio moves up four big spots this week, the second biggest jump of the week. This song is really….really catchy and I even found myself singing it in the shower. I NEVER sing in the shower.
15. The Roots feat. Chrisette Michelle & Wale – Rising Up (Last Week #18)
The Roots have a double play! Their newest video moves up three spots this week…
14. The Roots feat Dice Raw & Peedi Crack – Get Busy (Last Week #12)
….while their old joint falls two spots. Their album came out this week and debuted in the Top 10 on Billboard! Maybe people aren’t as dumb as I thought.
13. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #10)
Miss Badu falls out of the Top 10 this week as we keep on moving. I haven’t heard about anything new yet which is kind of dishearting but that’s no big deal.
12. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #13)
Colbie is slowly moving up as she is two spots from the Top 10! This song is really growing on me, mostly because I am eternally lonely and need this song. It helps out some. But I have to say that her eyes are REALLY close together.
11. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #8)
Yui falls out of the Top 10 this week and even though she has two songs on the Countdown it is a shocking trend that she has four straight videos hit number two. Not only did they hit number two they stayed there for multiple weeks. It’s a shame, but we have to move on!
10. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)
My baby boo is back in the upper half! Alicia Keys moves up a big five spots for her third Top 10 video of 2008! Can she make it three for three from her latest CD? We will have to see about that. By the way….she is FINE.
9. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #6, Seven Weeks at #1)
After a long run at the top, Bennie K falls three spots this week. Their greatest hits album was well worth the time to pick up, especially because of how much I still love “Dreamland.” However, I guess that means nothing new from them for a while, though. I miss Yuki and Cico already!
8. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #11)
Kelun move into the Top Ten! I still cannot find out when his next album comes out or when the single for “CHU-BURA” comes out. Hell, I can’t even find THIS SONG. It seems they always have to hide the stuff I want to actually hear. Kick ass stuff.
7. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #4)
Yui’s second video on the Countdown falls out of the Top Five this week. It has been a good year for Yui with a new album and two huge videos. Oh, and her live performance of this song was so cute I wanted to marry a kitten. Until I realized….it would never work. Two different worlds.
6. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #9)
Kobuta and Misia are literally flying high! The duo moves up three big spots as they both make the most of their first visits on the Top 20. They may be new to the Countdown but they are J-R&B veterans and have been at this for a long time. WHERE IS THE ALBUM?!
5. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #5)
We are into the Top Five and we begin with an artist that already has a number one video in 2008! Lupe moves up by himself (Kind of) as he looks to cement his name as a contender for the Chachi for Artist of the Year. Big year so far, but let’s see how the year plays out.
4. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After finally breaking the streak, Foxxi MisQ slows their descent down a tad as they fall only two spots this week. From how it looks, we should have a sequel to “Gloss” by the end of the summer and I am hella pumped about that. We are down to three!
3. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #7)
It is a “homecoming” of sorts for Kanye as he makes it back to the Top 3 for the second straight time of 2008! The owner of the album of 2008 looks to continue his dominance with another number one and put his name in the hat for Artist of the Year. Can he get his third number one video of the last 12 months? We’ll see!
2. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #3)
The Arc is at it again! In 2007, Hyde and Company pulled off the upset of the year by knocking off the video of the year in UGK & Outkast’s “International Players Anthem” and taking the crown. Albeit it was only for one week, they still beat the champ. Now they are back at number two and looking to knock off the champ! Can they do it? Not this week…
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
….as Usher tops the Countdown for a second week in a row! To make things even more awesome, he has a NEW VIDEO coming out in the next three weeks! HELLS YEAH! Don’t get too happy because BI IS BACK IN OCTOBER! IT IS SO ON! Until then, Usher is the King of the Countdown!
That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Usher and Jeezy can make it three weeks in a row? Or will L’Arc~en~Ciel once again score the upset and take the number one spot? Or can Kanye West continue his run of dominance over the Countdown and take the throne yet again? For The first time in a year it is a man's world on the Top Three of the Countdown! Tune in next week to find out who comes out the champ!
Well I am out. I just got my Zune (W00T MOTHERFUCKER! LICK MY ASS APPLE!) so I need to set that up and then it is off to see….Speed Racer. Something tells me I may hate myself after that. I will be back with a review of Speed Racer on Sunday. Saturday I am debating between a rave and going to downtown Denver. It’s a toss up. Until next time, stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Everything I Ever Said About Women Is Validated Tonight...
Hillary stated at her "victory speech":
"You know, my opponent made a prediction I would win Pennsylvania, he would win North Carolina and that Indiana would be the tiebreaker. Well, tonight we have come from behind and broken the tie and are on the fast track to the White House!"
YOU CANNOT TIE SOMEONE IF YOU ARE FUCKING LOSING YOU GOD DAMN MORON!
(Update: Funny enough, the race has tighted from a 17 point margin to about dead even. Ah, sweet irony.)
Enough is enough. Hillary needs to stop right the fuck now. Math, time and logic are against her and all she is doing is dividing the Democratic Party further than it has been over the last three years. She has to win 67% of the remaining delegates AND superdelegates (That number is skewed because it would mean that Hillary also won tonight’s races at 70% which she didn’t) to defeat Obama and that is highly unlikely, if not impossible.
Hell, this is from THREE WEEKS AGO and she was better off in terms of standing. She is Running on COULD will not win the election, it will just fuck over the whole party.
What is even better is the “October Surprise” threat she made if Obama gets the nod. What the fuck, woman? Are you so delusional and selfish that you are willing to fuck over everyone just to win? After all of this, you will not beat McInsane because you have people believing that you have a shot when you do not. The only way you can win is to STEAL the election…exactly what Bush did in 2000. Didn’t you ream him a new one for that? Fucking hypocrite. Do you really believe you are electable if you fuck over the voices of the people? The fact she is even mentioning suing the party or going against her initial wants for the Florida & Michigan votes puts the party in a bad light and as much asshatery and douchery the Republican Party brings (and it is there in spade)…it is better than utter and complete incompetence. Which is exactly what the Democratic Party is exhibiting.
Even better are the people that say she should be the Vice Presidential nominee when she loses because it was such a close race. Fuck that shit. She panders to the lowest common denominator of the American people (No, I am not an elitist I am a fucking realist). There is nothing wrong with being upset about your jobs situation and feeling like God is a way to turn. It’s utter and complete bullshit as is all organized religion IMHO but to each their own. If you love your gun, you love your gun. With that being said….
FUCKING ADMIT THAT SHIT!
There was nothing wrong with what Obama said because the shit is true. So the fuck what? Niggas don’t get mad about being called niggas anymore. They embrace that shit. Niggas is making mad money off making ringtones for other niggas and dumb bitches. Aint nothing wrong with making that cash fetti dollars, especially if you are taking it from people as dumb as you.
This thing needs to end right now. The longer this goes, the worse it gets and then I have to worry about McCain having a heart attack or gnawing the face off Jacques Chirac because he said that Canadian bacon is better than regular bacon. As cool as that would be, it would look bad for us as a country. I don’t know about you, but I like Bryan Adams:
So please fix this shit you have gotten us into. Hillary needs to either concede this race and put her support behind Obama or be forever known as the person that gave us the first President to give a chairshot to Putin. Because not only is McCain capable of it, he WILL do it.
Although…that would totally kick ass. Maybe McCain wouldn’t be so bad. I mean I am all for wars and I hate hippies so biofuels can eat my fucking ass. Maybe McInsane in 2008 aint so bad! Just kidding; McCain is one crazy nigga.
Chachi Out.
"You know, my opponent made a prediction I would win Pennsylvania, he would win North Carolina and that Indiana would be the tiebreaker. Well, tonight we have come from behind and broken the tie and are on the fast track to the White House!"
YOU CANNOT TIE SOMEONE IF YOU ARE FUCKING LOSING YOU GOD DAMN MORON!
(Update: Funny enough, the race has tighted from a 17 point margin to about dead even. Ah, sweet irony.)
Enough is enough. Hillary needs to stop right the fuck now. Math, time and logic are against her and all she is doing is dividing the Democratic Party further than it has been over the last three years. She has to win 67% of the remaining delegates AND superdelegates (That number is skewed because it would mean that Hillary also won tonight’s races at 70% which she didn’t) to defeat Obama and that is highly unlikely, if not impossible.
Hell, this is from THREE WEEKS AGO and she was better off in terms of standing. She is Running on COULD will not win the election, it will just fuck over the whole party.
What is even better is the “October Surprise” threat she made if Obama gets the nod. What the fuck, woman? Are you so delusional and selfish that you are willing to fuck over everyone just to win? After all of this, you will not beat McInsane because you have people believing that you have a shot when you do not. The only way you can win is to STEAL the election…exactly what Bush did in 2000. Didn’t you ream him a new one for that? Fucking hypocrite. Do you really believe you are electable if you fuck over the voices of the people? The fact she is even mentioning suing the party or going against her initial wants for the Florida & Michigan votes puts the party in a bad light and as much asshatery and douchery the Republican Party brings (and it is there in spade)…it is better than utter and complete incompetence. Which is exactly what the Democratic Party is exhibiting.
Even better are the people that say she should be the Vice Presidential nominee when she loses because it was such a close race. Fuck that shit. She panders to the lowest common denominator of the American people (No, I am not an elitist I am a fucking realist). There is nothing wrong with being upset about your jobs situation and feeling like God is a way to turn. It’s utter and complete bullshit as is all organized religion IMHO but to each their own. If you love your gun, you love your gun. With that being said….
FUCKING ADMIT THAT SHIT!
There was nothing wrong with what Obama said because the shit is true. So the fuck what? Niggas don’t get mad about being called niggas anymore. They embrace that shit. Niggas is making mad money off making ringtones for other niggas and dumb bitches. Aint nothing wrong with making that cash fetti dollars, especially if you are taking it from people as dumb as you.
This thing needs to end right now. The longer this goes, the worse it gets and then I have to worry about McCain having a heart attack or gnawing the face off Jacques Chirac because he said that Canadian bacon is better than regular bacon. As cool as that would be, it would look bad for us as a country. I don’t know about you, but I like Bryan Adams:
So please fix this shit you have gotten us into. Hillary needs to either concede this race and put her support behind Obama or be forever known as the person that gave us the first President to give a chairshot to Putin. Because not only is McCain capable of it, he WILL do it.
Although…that would totally kick ass. Maybe McCain wouldn’t be so bad. I mean I am all for wars and I hate hippies so biofuels can eat my fucking ass. Maybe McInsane in 2008 aint so bad! Just kidding; McCain is one crazy nigga.
Chachi Out.
Monday, May 05, 2008
36 Minutes Until The Hottest Moment In Comedy Central History!
So I have decided to return after a double dip yesterday. Sometimes I just decide to get on and toss a few thoughts up for fun. That and I am staying awake to see Rain on the Colbert Report! America, prepare to feel the RAIN!
Until then, here are some of…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: Sake Is Damn Good
I said it once to my boss outside Mile High Saloon (Copper…how awkward was that?) and I stand by this statement: the only thing that keeps me from being an alcoholic is the cost. That and the total lack of knowledge on how to make my own, of course. However, if I could make my own alcohol it woud have to be sake. That shit is fucking awesome and with sushi it is even better. Oh, and as the Hoag learned you better be able to put it down when you hang with me because sake and I go together like…well…schoolgirls and I:
Before you complain, two of them are 18. Two of them….aren’t. That is the fun of Korea: that shit don’t matter!
Random Thought #2: Hillary Should Stop
If Hillary loses North Carolina (Which all signs point to) and loses or barely wins Indiana (Which all signs also point to, as well) she needs to drop out. Seriously, you are fucking the Democratic Party up worse than Ronald Reagan could have ever dreamed. I swear if you sue to get Florida & Michigan votes in after deciding eaerlier the votes wouldn’t count you will destroy (Repeat: DESTROY) the democratic party. No more than Howard Dean did, but still. BYAAAAAAAH!
Random Thought #3: Hockey Is Still ON?
I really want to like hockey. I mean I really do. I know that Canadians are the only ones that are playing it and that it comes on a network I didn’t even know I had until Saturday but I mean at least TRY to get the attention of people. I mean, I know the Stanley Cup is going to be on SOMEWHERE but can anyone tell me where? As the only person in Colorado that could give two shits about the Colorado Avalanche it makes it hard to watch hockey because people are always drunk when hockey is on. I guess it helps slow the game down for the bros and when they say “man down on the ice” it also means bending your bro over the Nati Ice keg. Fuck you, that was funny. Oh, and I am really looking forward to a Penguins/Red Wings Stanley Cup. That actually might make me find the game on TV for once.
Random Thought #4: Midgets Piss Me Off
They just do. Creepy little fuckers.
Random Thought #5: You Know, If You Don’t Want Your Cootch To Be Seen In Public…Wear Underwear.
I have only mentioned this once on the blog but it bear repeating after someone had the never to defend the stance of celebs not wearing underwear. If you know you are being photographed at all times, wouldn’t you take safeguards to make sure that you are covered and things you don’t want seen? So with that being said, if you don’t want your naughty bits to be seen on TMZ or Egotastic then just cover them up? Is it really that hard? Are panties and bras that confining that you must toss them aside at the risk of having your naughty bits exposed? This doesn’t only go for celebs, this goes for random women, too. Life is life, ladies. There are people that are going to take pictures of your goodies if you let the flash in public just like women will marry a man for money just to divorce him and get half. It is a fact of life and all you can really do is protect yourself against it. You can thumb your nose to logic and go for the comfort of no drawls but when you do, you can’t complain about your gullyhole being plastered on text messages. Sad but true. Besides, don’t women have their goods almost hanging out half the time any-damn-way? Geez, how dumb.
That is all I got for now. I may be back up tomorrow with another short update. All depends. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Until then, here are some of…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: Sake Is Damn Good
I said it once to my boss outside Mile High Saloon (Copper…how awkward was that?) and I stand by this statement: the only thing that keeps me from being an alcoholic is the cost. That and the total lack of knowledge on how to make my own, of course. However, if I could make my own alcohol it woud have to be sake. That shit is fucking awesome and with sushi it is even better. Oh, and as the Hoag learned you better be able to put it down when you hang with me because sake and I go together like…well…schoolgirls and I:
Before you complain, two of them are 18. Two of them….aren’t. That is the fun of Korea: that shit don’t matter!
Random Thought #2: Hillary Should Stop
If Hillary loses North Carolina (Which all signs point to) and loses or barely wins Indiana (Which all signs also point to, as well) she needs to drop out. Seriously, you are fucking the Democratic Party up worse than Ronald Reagan could have ever dreamed. I swear if you sue to get Florida & Michigan votes in after deciding eaerlier the votes wouldn’t count you will destroy (Repeat: DESTROY) the democratic party. No more than Howard Dean did, but still. BYAAAAAAAH!
Random Thought #3: Hockey Is Still ON?
I really want to like hockey. I mean I really do. I know that Canadians are the only ones that are playing it and that it comes on a network I didn’t even know I had until Saturday but I mean at least TRY to get the attention of people. I mean, I know the Stanley Cup is going to be on SOMEWHERE but can anyone tell me where? As the only person in Colorado that could give two shits about the Colorado Avalanche it makes it hard to watch hockey because people are always drunk when hockey is on. I guess it helps slow the game down for the bros and when they say “man down on the ice” it also means bending your bro over the Nati Ice keg. Fuck you, that was funny. Oh, and I am really looking forward to a Penguins/Red Wings Stanley Cup. That actually might make me find the game on TV for once.
Random Thought #4: Midgets Piss Me Off
They just do. Creepy little fuckers.
Random Thought #5: You Know, If You Don’t Want Your Cootch To Be Seen In Public…Wear Underwear.
I have only mentioned this once on the blog but it bear repeating after someone had the never to defend the stance of celebs not wearing underwear. If you know you are being photographed at all times, wouldn’t you take safeguards to make sure that you are covered and things you don’t want seen? So with that being said, if you don’t want your naughty bits to be seen on TMZ or Egotastic then just cover them up? Is it really that hard? Are panties and bras that confining that you must toss them aside at the risk of having your naughty bits exposed? This doesn’t only go for celebs, this goes for random women, too. Life is life, ladies. There are people that are going to take pictures of your goodies if you let the flash in public just like women will marry a man for money just to divorce him and get half. It is a fact of life and all you can really do is protect yourself against it. You can thumb your nose to logic and go for the comfort of no drawls but when you do, you can’t complain about your gullyhole being plastered on text messages. Sad but true. Besides, don’t women have their goods almost hanging out half the time any-damn-way? Geez, how dumb.
That is all I got for now. I may be back up tomorrow with another short update. All depends. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
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