Three For One? It's Like That Strip Club In Omaha All Over Again!

What is up, peeps! Okay, OKAY! I know you are probably livid at me and rightfully so. I said I would be back more often and I haven’t but since I have been put into the realm of work purgatory once again (Yes, I AM BACK ON THE FINAL FANTASY GET OUT OF MY BUILDING CLOCK) I have been in a really meh mood. Thinking about just taking some time off this time around. Get my shit right and all. Time to stand out:

Okay, I was just looking for an excuse to put this up because it is what I am listening to at work. It’s all I can do to keep from snapping and punching the shit out of everything. Now I want to do a bit of a double play on this post. Reason being is that two things are really beginning to irritate me. Now things irritate me all the time (babies crying, babies smiling, people talking about babies, Beanie Babies) but these two things are really just beginning to make me wonder if the confidence of people is being shot to hell by the fact that they invest too much into people that really don’t return the investment. Deep? Sort of, I haven’t had a drink in a while. First off, I said I was going to finish up on my cosplay/objectification post and while I have gotten over that issue because….well, I honestly couldn’t give two shits about those that strive to gain attention by being objects but demand to NOT BE CONSIDERED objects…I said I would and I am a man of my word. I will leave it with this:

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE VIEWED AS A WHORE, DON’T DRESS IN A WAY OR DO THINGS IN WHICH PEOPLE MAY MISTAKE YOU FOR A WHORE.
That…pretty much covers it. You don’t like it? Cover up. Is it fair? Fuck no, but neither is the fact that I can’t have a Richard Roundtree afro and still get the jobs I want. Life is a bitch, either smack it or find a lady. Now with that being covered, there is a second thing I want to talk about real quick. That is a word that I have talked about before and I am sure you all know my stance on. That is… FRIEND ZONE First off, you all know I think this is bullshit. It’s a place that only exists in the world of pussy ass dudes and trick ass bitches where men think they are placed by women because they are “too nice” while women have kept this bullshit fantasy land going because they want all the attention that a boyfriend gives but none of the responsibility that a girlfriend has so she keeps men at a platonic bay to get all the rings. Like Hal Jordan when he killed all the other Green Lanterns. One thing I have always said (and recently women who don’t understand the bullshit they have created with the “friend zone” are now saying) is that if you are “friendzoned” find someone that likes you the way you like them. That’s the answer. Period. HOWEVER… now WOMEN are being put into the friend zone and it has now become a place. For this, I laugh because:
IN YOUR FACE! You see, there have been a small amount of men (It took years but now I am included) that realized the “friend zone” isn’t a real place, like Cincinnati or Narnia. It is a state of mind created when you want someone to want you for you in a non-platonic way and that shit aint gonna happen. So rather than just take responsibility and say “she just don’t like me in that way and that is cool” they made up a land where they are the victim because she just doesn’t see the kind of guy you are. Which is the model of being a PUNK ASS BITCH. See, that subset of men realized “wait, if she doesn’t want to be with me like that…what’s wrong with me?” and they realized maybe…just maybe…she wants to be friends. So you know what
we did? We treated them like friends:

See, this is when things got interesting and the “friend zone” went from being an imaginary place where a good number of women felt men went when they weren’t man enough to accept not want to fuck them (But by all means still tell her she is pretty and treat her like a boyfriend) to a tangible place. Now this is something that I will preface by saying I can only run off of what I know and have observed. This isn’t science but I have seen it among my friends of all kinds and I for the last 5 years or so. When you realize (or get told) as a man that you have a woman that you know that isn’t interested in you past being friends and you respect to the point that you treat her like a friend…they really don’t like it. Now again, I am just speaking off of my own experience but women want all the power to control a friendship with a man. It is her choice whether you are just friends or something more. The moment you overstep your bounds and make a move and she isn’t interested she will tell you quick that you are just friends.

The moment you accept that and treat her like a friend…she will NOT like that. This isn’t ALL women so don’t get all IPS on me out there. In my experience though, the moment when you accept the fact she just “wants to be friends” and you stop doing anything in line of not treating her the same as a girlfriend but not being a boyfriend (Paying for going out, hugging, saying she is pretty and not a hussy) she gets highly upset. Why? Now SHE is just a friend as well. For some women, that is exactly what they wanted and everything works fine. For SOME women, and it’s a large quantity of women I have had the luxury (NOT) of being friends with, get upset and say the “friendship has changed” or “you’re acting different” which at first caught me off guard and then I realized something:
NO SHIT IT’S CHANGED! Not for the worse but just not in the way she wanted it. I never tell my male friends they are pretty. Well, sometimes I do for a certain person but I know it makes him feel good about himself and I don’t mind obliging. I don’t always pay for my male friends. I sure as HELL never have to always agree with my male friends either. So when I treat my female friends like my male friends they get upset because they are on even keel. Women like to be the most important person in the room and for men the most important person to them at that time which is the MODEL OF BEING A FUCKWIT but I can get it. So if she is the same as everyone else…she isn’t special. I actually got told I was being mean because I didn’t break plans with another female friend because I wasn’t treating her “like I used to.” Now said person had a boyfriend and it wasn’t the first time she had said it so I responded with “your boyfriend is supposed to treat you special, I am supposed to treat you like a friend and friends sometimes have other plans.” STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, CHACHI!
That DID NOT GO OVER VERY WELL. I was every asshole in the book and even had it thrown in my face about it was because I used to like her which actually wasn’t even the case (She had a boyfriend and this was back before my fuckery. Peeps sadly know what I mean) but because she was being treated normally and not special (Which was my own fault, I did spend more time with her than others but it was because we worked together) she felt she was being “friended.” Overall, I don’t believe in the “friend zone.” I have waffled in the past about it because it felt like no female wanted to date me and only wanted to be my friend. Then it hit me: at least they want to be my friend so it can’t be that bad. As long as they were truly genuine about wanting to BE friends and weren’t just trying to get all the perks of a boyfriend with none of the responsibility of being a girlfriend because be DAMNED if you went supposed to tell her she was pretty every five seconds. Oh and if are the only girl hanging out on a Friday night with 5 guys…and NONE of them know eachother…you a hoe. You aren’t popular, you are three Long Island Iced teas away from a Brazzer moment. Yes, I went there.

Lastly, I mentioned I was going to talk about boobs on my last post. Now you all know how I feel about boobs.

OVERRATED 

Don’t get me wrong, I like any other man will look and admire. But when it all falls down…women don’t know how to use them. Women with big boobs are like blacks with money: they treat them like they are going out of style and just use them for tacky and pointless endeavors. Let that marinate for a second and realize how dumb we are as a human race. Women, do understand that before I say this I love you. Now its only because there is no viable third option, but I do love you until that happens. That being said… BOOBS DO NOT: • Make you funny • Make you smart • Counteract character flaws (Like being a raging bitch or world-class hussy) • Make men listen to anything you have to say (BECAUSE MEN ARE LOOKING AT THEM HANGING OUT AS YOU TALK! DUH!) • Make you more attractive (Like 24” rims on a RAV4) • Give you a reason to not have a personality I know those are some kind of mean things to say and trust me, I didn’t want to say them. They had to be said. Woman make the boobs, boobs don’t make the woman. As a woman, if you use them to get what you want, more power to you. Cant knock a hustle for real.

You never know how long you will have them where they are so use them for what they are worth by all means. However, you cannot get all pissy when someone views them as objects if you USE them as objects. You use them to get what you want by wearing low cut shirts? Getting mad when someone actually LOOKS down the shirt just makes you look stupid. I stand by the Zebra Theory to this day so if you put yourself in a situation where you are putting them out as an object you cant be shocked when they are viewed as objects. Be responsible with them because when it all falls down, if you give them power they will become more powerful than you. If that is cool with you then knock it out the box but if you want to be known as more than boobs, don’t put them out there too far beyond where you are.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up a little sooner as get closer to my timer hitting zero. I am always open to requests if any peeps have one. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

It's Time To (Cos)Play The Game! Yes, Triple H Reference

Whats up, peeps! Okay…first off I KNOW I SAID I WOULD BE AROUND MORE OFTEN. Well, you are my children and I am a black man so be lucky I see you once a year and take you to the park at all! Just kidding, I am genuinely sorry. Blogging has gotten harder since I have gotten older so bear with me sometimes.

So last weekend was StarFest 2013 and let me first off say this: it is good to find people that feel like you when it comes to women because it makes your frustration less…frustrating. Sometimes, women just be fucking trippin. As dudes, we be trippin, too. With two people traveling with nowhere to unpack, you just end up roaming around with some baggage and never find what you are looking for. DEEP! Now you know I have blogged about cosplay…never. You all know I really don’t care about it even though I respect those who do. It’s like how I feel about golf. I could give a shit, but I know how hard it is because I have tried it and I have the upmost respect for them. I just would rather fight Vader after finding out the buffet is out of chicken wings than play or watch it:

I aint messing with THAT dude. So you now have a frame of reference before you cosplayers get all pissy about not respecting your talent and work. With that being said, there is a movement among cosplayers about the aspect of the entry of the real world into their medium and the critique of their work. Recently I am seeing cosplayers talk about how they are tired of being viewed and treated as sex objects at conventions and…when they are dressed in costume randomly (Which is a whole other bit of fuckery that makes me want to slap the shit out of people but I will save that for later). Which to a certain extent, I can respect. Everyone deserves to be respected what they do, what they make and eventually what they wear and should not be vilified, objectified or even judged for it. With that said to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy, it is time to be quite honest with you…Jericho, if you wouldn’t mind:
I hate to say it, but it has to be reiterated. We all want to be accepted for who we are but guess what?

SHIT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. 

The simple fact is this: people are going to think about you whatever the hell they want to. You know what? Fuck ‘em. Fuck ‘em up against the wall! Not in the good way like Ike did Tina in “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” There are people who are going to say “she is too fat for that” or “wow, her boobs need to be bigger to make that work” and to that I say….in their mind, they are right. Just like in your mind it was wrong for them to say it. It is their fucking opinion. Just like you may get on a forum (Or FACEBOOK) and talk about how they are wrong for judging their body or critiquing their costume in such a manner…that is an opinion as well. You are no more right than they are to them than they are to you. In other words…it’s not that gangsta. They say something you don’t agree with. Big fucking deal. Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Yes, I see the irony of a post about that particular mindset defeats the purpose but I haven’t had a drink in a few hours so I am pissed off. I will make it up to you all soon, I will post about K-Pop or something. PROMISE!

So one thing that actually does piss me off is when the argument of “respecting the cosplayer” comes up, men are usually the culprit of the asshatery. I have seen it in action so I won’t argue that in the slightest. However…saying “ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES!” on a forum of your friends and contemporaries doesn’t really…do anything. It’s like saying “I HATE NIGGERS!” at a Klan rally to Klan members. No shit! You aren’t going to hear one Klansman go “Hey! I like 2 Chainz!” in defense of Black people. That said, dudes that sit back and say “Yeah, all men are pigs” and “I respect all women because they are all beautiful” you can…you know what, I will let The People’s Champ handle this one:
Seriously, I understand that you respect all women and blah blah blah because they are all beautiful. No…no they aren't  Not everyone is beautiful. Doesn’t mean they can’t dress how they want to, though. Case in point; I know I am not skinny in the slightest way. You know what else? If I wanted to cosplay as Dante from Devil May Cry, I could do that. Show off my beefy, beefy abs and biceps. However, I don’t do that. You know why? NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT SHIT! Including me. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Always remember that. With that being said, to sit back and say “all men are assholes” because some men are judging cosplayers…on a forum…about cosplay…is really kind of making a leap of faith here (Tallest Smurf Theory rears its ugly head because WHO GIVES A FUCK) because you are looking at a small group and making a blanket statement about a group of people of which the larger portion of the population…wouldn’t give a fuck unless it was told to them. If you have a problem with them, take it up with them. Don’t rope the rest of us into it.

Oh, and for bitch ass niggas out there that are always defending the asshatery of these people (not all of them are women saying that stuff)…show some backbone and stand up for your god damn sex. We all aren’t beasts that can’t control ourselves because some girl in a costume is showing too much boob for logical reasons because she wants to be “accurate to the character” and you fucking know it. Show some pride, defend your sex and let them know they are dealing with fuckwits. Through playing around about this stupidity.

So next time, the blog will be about boobs. Yes, boobs. I have done several about booty because I love the rumpatory. This time, I will focus on boobs and the women that own them…because they are usually stupid. Yep, it should be good.

Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out

Friends, Where Would We Be Without Them? JAIL!

Yes, the kid is back! Well, the kid is now a man but that aint important. I left you for OVER A FUCKING YEAR AND THAT IS NOT COOL. So with that being said I will try to be back up more. Every day will be rough but once a week is doable. Besides, so much ridiculousness happens in a week around me that I will definitely have something to put up because…people don’t know how to fucking act. Speaking of not knowing how to fucking act, that brings me to something that has been kind of straining my patience over the last two years or so. I don’t know when this concept of the “friend zone” became one that I should even give a shit about but all of a sudden I am having to deal with it and I kind of figured I was too old for this shit. You see, a friend is a friend to me. Whether male for female. I treat them all the same…at least I want to…or at least I try to. You see, something about having a female friend makes they dynamic a little more complicated and I used to think it was because: “Oh no, what happens if one day I want to pull a reverse Prince and WANT to take the place of her man?!” Why does Prince hate the YouTube so much?! Anyway, I used to always think I had to balance the act of having a friend that I could be friends with and the fact that she is a woman and you need to treat a woman differently because of the whole male/female dynamic (Sexual tension, significant others, etc.) to make sure she is comfortable. Then I realized something: if you are in a friendship when you have to cater to that person at the detriment to yourself…they really aren’t a good friend. Now with that being said, let’s look at this logically. I have male friends. Not many that I can FUCKING STAND but I do. Sorry, UFC is stupid. I like boy bands. Only one has men frolicking around in bodily fluids with the same sex. Who’s gay NOW? Well, aside from Lance Bass. Back to the point. My male friends may have a significant other. Wife, girlfriend, boyfriend whatever it may be. Do I ever have to point out that our friendship is “strictly platonic?” Even if they are single, do they ever have to let it be known that “Hey, we are close but I don’t like you in that way?” NO Yet, why is it that when it comes to females things have to become a tad bit more difficult? First off, I have some female friends. Most of them piss me off to no end because women are the devil in general but I am no walk in the park so I can’t talk about being difficult to be friends with. Now if she has a significant other, I understand that there may need to be parameters set because the other person may not feel comfortable with that person hanging out with you at a detriment to the relationship. Understandable, accepted and noted without question. With THAT being said, there seems to be an upturn in females who have male friends solely for attention. Don’t get me wrong, that is no different than a man having a lot of women he hangs out with to look like Chris Brown minus the uppercuts but how many of those women KNOW about each other? They usually don’t because once they know about other women they turn into cats and even if they don’t even want the toy or even to be petted they must have it because someone else has it. Make sense? If it doesn’t, you are doing it. Some women, not all, have male friends just because it makes them feel good about the attention that men give. Knowing that rather than being with another female, they are with them whether it be from a strictly platonic standpoint (Rare, but happens) or because he is just waiting for her man to make a bad RGIII-like cut or for her to have one too many Long Island Iced Teas (Previous readers know that reference) makes her feel special. This is not ALWAYS the case and I know that. I will say….that has been the case a lot in my experience. That is where I believe that women lose track of the thought of having “guy friends” You see, there is a difference between being one of many friends and one of many “options” and that is how from the outside it looks that women are doing. Men do it to, but that is another post which is coming soon and I have a lot to say about that shit because I was guilty of it myself. Now this is going to get highly generalized and I HATE generalizations but hear me out on this one. You ever go to a bar and see a table of 5 people and its four guys and one girl watching a football game? I am willing to put a Shasta on the fact that at LEAST three of those dudes hang out with her because they want to have the sex with her. Now that isn’t her fault in the slightest. However…she knows that. I give women a lot of credit (Recently I realize I give them more credit than I SHOULD but that is another post) and I believe they are smart enough to know when a man is interested in them, even if it’s a friend. Most women who see that and are not interested in being anything more than friends let them know right up front and that is very honorable. However, I have seen women that have those men around strictly as a reason to: 1. Keep their current boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife in line 2. Yep, women like options. Which is fine, I love shoes and buffets. As a man, it is also their own fool fault because if they are willing to stand in a line to hope to be the next one that gets to ride the pink teacup ride (Or Big Gulp for some of you girls. You know who you are!) then more power to you. That being said, just because you can doesn’t make it the best thing to do. It is not hard to see when someone is doing that to you and it makes you a little bit leery of trying to make those kinds of friends in the future. Also, because men think that all they are is a line in the harem of her choosing the have embraced that and just say what they need to say and do what they need to do until it is their turn to put their quarter in. Hence why women say that they can’t just have a “guy friend” anymore because all they want to do is have sex with them. Your sisters made it that way. One last thing before I go about the friend zone. I personally have never been a fan of the term because something became very clear to me about five years ago: if a woman has to do something to put you into (Like say “I value that our friendship!” which means “We aint fucking!” which I am all good with) or actually STATE that you are in the “friend zone” then she likely isn’t a good friend. The simple fact is this: a lot of times men are friends with a female because they are a great friend but even if there WAS a chance for something more…you got an issue. An issue that would require hitting you with a Rainmaker Clothsline: Japan, you know how to discipline. Anyway, there is something that we know isn’t going to work from a relationship side but doesn’t really effect the friendship side of things. Yep, sometimes men value a good friendship over a broken relationship. Shocking but true. Well, I will admit I am getting back into the swing of blogging again so it may take a few times to get back into form. But I will and when I do…SEX LADIES IN THE HOUSE COVER YOUR ASS! That’s all for now. Be back next week! Chachi Out.

Okay...I know it has been a while. First off, I am not dead. YOU ARE NOT THAT LUCKY! Secondly, I just wanted the world to know I am back in this bitch. News at 11. Post coming tomorrow, at the latest Friday. Tell your friends...not your drunk asshole friend that passes out on your couch and throws up in your sink. The hot one with the big booty and no self-esteem. Yeah...THAT one.

As a little preview of what the post will be about...well, let's just say that sometimes being in the proverbial "friend zone" is not all your doing, ladies. Your vagina isn't as special as you think.

BAM, IT'S ON AND THE CHACHI IS BACK, BABY! Now to buy some rum and get this started. Yes, I drink rum now.

Good to be back, I must say.

Chachi Out

I Know, I Know. I Am As Reliable As A Catholic Condom.

What is up peeps?! Yes, I know it has been a while so just stop with the “WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN AT, NIGGA?!” before it even starts. It has been a rather interesting last few months and those of you that know me know what’s up but those that don’t just know there has been a good reason why I have been gone. Takes time to write and I have been a tad bit occupied. I’m sorry and I promise to be up more often. I know I say that a lot but I will be up when it hits me.

With that being said, its time for….

Where You Been At?!

Yep, I Am Officially Old

Well, I turned 31 a few months back in September and I must say…it was a good night but the feeling has become underwhelming. When I turned 29, I was in such a panic because I was unemployed and wondering if it was time to just give up and be a gigolo:

Worked for David Lee Roth and those of you that know me understand the hilarity of this video in reference to that last paragraph. At the same time…life goes on without me. Sad and lonely! Sad and lonely! Yeah, three people get that and that is why we are homies for life.

But when I turned 30…I realized that you are only where you are because you haven’t gotten to where you want to be. You are only as stuck as you allow yourself to be and although I have realized that a few times over the years when times get rough you do forget that fact. So it was at that point that I decided to make moves to get to where I want to be and getting older no longer became a hassle or a fear. When I was in my 20’s I dreaded hitting 30. Now that it happened and especially since when I turned 31 I did the exact same thing that I do when I hang out with my friends anyway I learned that getting older only gets hard if you don’t actually grow up. Anyone that knew me in my mid-20’s knows…I was a fucking HOT MESS before the term even existed but I always learned from my asshatery which meant I was always learning shit. So as I got into my late 20’s and eventually thirty I had done all my stupidity and now all the new stuff (Except for one…Joey knows what I’m talking about! Amirite? Man, I am such a BITCH!) is just Version 2.0 of old stuff and I can handle because I am mad at myself for doing the same shit twice. Getting older is learning from mistakes no matter how often they come. That’s what 30 will teach you. That’s about it, though.

Women Don’t Get Better With Age

Yeah, I said it. From first-hand experience (The book of my life is coming soon and I honestly believe Charlie Sheen would even be disappointed) and the direct experience of others I have realized that a high percentage of women don’t get better with age. They don’t even get worse. They just stay the damn same. It took a minute to realize but the same non-sensical views about chivalry and relationship roles girls have at 20 are the exact same non-sensical views about chivalry and relationship roles women have at 40. Men should open doors and revere them despite them having no character trait or redeeming quality to speak of. I’m sorry but if a woman is something to be attained and prized you have to bring more to the table than a vagina. Learn a fucking knock-knock joke or some shit! Better yet, watch the Sarah Silverman Program and take a few notes:

Nothing hotter than a woman that is FUNNY crazy, not ignore all laws and statutes because she wants to do something “special” despite being told to stay the fuck away crazy.

Don’t get me wrong, men have done NOTHING to help this situation. In my opinion the downfall of man has directly attributed to the fuckery of women. I told a friend today after meeting another friends boyfriend last week that it felt like girls just went to the back of an American Eagle Outfitters and went to the “Bro-Tastic & Hipster Boyfriend Maker” and picked one out of the boyfriend rotisserie. Then there are Black men…which I don’t know many aside from those I knew in high school. I can say this: I TRULY understand why Black women are frustrated…and it’s your own fault. This actually goes for all women. As you get older and realize there is some shit from a man that you won’t tolerate (No job, no car, no kids, etc.) WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO TOLERATE IT?! If I hear another female friend complain about their man not having a job or having to deal with driving him around or issues with his kids/ex-wife/crazy ex-babymama I will have a Professor Chang freakout:

Do understand, I have said this for years and you all just don’t listen. I will say it ONE LAST TIME:

Men are creatures of habit.

If you sit back and say you are upset about something he does and then you let him continue to do it…HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT BECAUSE HE IS A CREATURE OF HABIT! Unless you curb the behavior and stop putting up with men doing dumb shit they will continue to do dumb shit! Hence why R&B sucks, the number of baby mamas is on the rise and Tyler Perry hasn’t been taken into the street and beaten with whiffle bats.

In the end, this is something I said to a friend of mine and I don’t honestly think I am wrong about this anymore. Now this isn’t ALL women just like ALL men don’t like to bro out with the bros rather than take their woman out to see A Christmas Carol. However, it is rather true:

The major issue is the majority of women we interact with aren’t fun and have no personalities because they have been taught since birth that that are objects to be desired and attained. Therefore HE should have culture and HE should have personality because HE needs those to win YOU. So they never have to actually be engaging or witty. Cold? Yes. True? Partially. Needed to be said, though.

It can actually be put best in the words of an old rhetor…

All I say is for help, not to hurt. Live, laugh and learn peeps. It’s good to be back.

Chachi Out